Speak Out : VDay Sucks!
Valentine’s Day sucks. Wait, let me rephrase that; being single on Valentine’s Day sucks. Yesterday was my first Valentine’s Day since my 3 year relationship ended in August. I’m barely over the relationship and definitely not ready to see a holiday based on love.
What makes it even worse, is being at work and seeing other people getting flowers from their significant others knowing that you aren’t getting a special delivery. I even wound up delivering flowers to one of my coworkers this morning. As I was coming into work, her boyfriend was at the door and asked me if I’d take them to her. I of course didn’t mind but it just started the whole thought process that is leading me to write this blog.
Before all the roses, chocolate and cards, the holiday actually contains parts of Christian and ancient Roman traditions. The Catholic church recognizes at least 3 different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all who became martyrs. It is suspected to believe the reason for the middle of February is to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial which probably happened around AD 270.
Others claim that it was decided to place St. Valentine’s Feast Day in the middle of the month to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia, who was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman. God of agriculture as well as to the Roman founders of Romulas and Remus (Star Trek reference).
It wasn’t until much later that the day became associated with love. In England and France during the Middle Ages, it was believed that February 14 was the beginning of bird mating season.
Greetings from Valentine’s Day started way before Hallmark was around. Try the 1400s. The oldest known Valentine in existence was a poem written by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife in 1415.
Now, we have about 150 million V-Day cards exchanged each year, making it the second most popular card sending holiday after, you guessed it, Christmas.
Whether you are single or not, did you take time to tell your friends or family that you love them? After all, that is what this day is all about…LOVE.
Jason
(A4A SN: ncboy1982_)
Psychologically speaking Valentines Day does more harm than good. Clients talk about how they were in love–or someone was in love with them–and that love vanished.
Of course it did. Romantic love is what draws us near, but partnering love is what keeps us together.
100 years ago, marriages were largely partnerships with love taking a back seat.
Today, we mistakenly put the rush of love first and foolishly expect it to last forever and ever.
Because we have our priorities backward, we see relationships falling apart.
The purpose of Valentine’s Day is to create spending based on ego, guilt and shame. It’s cultural conditioning and you can choose not to participate.
Let me cry for you… Try never having ever been anyone’s Valentine. I’m
35 and never had a guy stick around long enough. So stop bitching. Cheers.
I asked my guy what he wanted to do on St.Valentine’s Day, he wanted to swap starters, batteries,do the exhaust on his work/service truck. The most romantic St.Valentines Day ever! Getting dirty and greasy under a truck with hot beautiful man.
Not a big deal here . I haven’t had a Valentine card , chocolate , flower or even a smooch since I was in kindergarten @ 5 years old !
I must say that you’re right-being single on Valentine’s Day sucks! I agree with all of what you’re saying about seeing other folks get things and you’re not. I must admit that last year was the first time in a looooooong time that I’d had a Valentine. It was my then new boyfriend who had come into my life just after Christmas 2014. All I remember is sitting at work and being called by my mail room that I had a package. This went on for three days-for three days I’d received a package from my boyfriend each day to show me how much he loved me. And of course we went to dinner on Valenti da Day. That was nice, but certainly did not last long as he began to show his true colors after the following month. We ended things later that same year.
So, here I am a year later with no boyfriend, no Valentine and no prospect even in sight. It’s bad enough that you have to face the anguish of a relationship that ended waaay too soon with a man you were madly in love with and would have done anything for, but this “lovers'” holiday is truly a sore reminder of how someone used to care about me during this time of year-yeah, it majorly sucks…..
Dear ncboy1982_,
I’m sorry, but I can’t really be that sympathetic to your Valentine’s Day problem. At least you had a relationship. There are some of us who have never had a relationship with someone, of either sex, and probably never will. Yes, I can understand what it is like to see all the Valentine’s Day activity at work, knowing it is not for you. I endure that every year. I suspect it will be for you again someday and you will holler to the skies how grand love is. Thank heaven that pain is over again for another year!
I have been reading all these “poor me” stories for days. If you don’t have a love interest perhaps it’s your fault. IF you’re standing in the bars or men’s room waiting to be “discovered” you’re wasting your time, Don’t expect everybody else to cater to you. If you see something you like, say so. Make an effort to be responsible for your own happiness. Spoken plainly, quit your bitchin’ and make something happen.
Love is a cancer. It kills people.
Let it happen naturally or it will not last.
Ur actually upset over one Valentine’s Day that your single? I have been single most of my life and most of my Valentine’s Day. I am sure a lot of people are single and never even had a “romantic” valentines before. It’s time to grow up child. Don’t say ur hungry today when most of us have been starving all year long
Kind of a meandering article… but can’t you just be happy for those people who DO have Valentines? Sheesh, I wish there were MORE holidays that celebrate love! Don’t be so jealous of others because they have something on 2/14 that you don’t have — will you remember this in August when you’re in a relationship?
Hi Jason, ever so sorry your weekend sucked. In short you had love, you lost love, perhaps this overwhelming sense of loneliness will make tippy hold on tighter the next time love comes around.
Thanks for the history lesson, and can we not say VD as it reminds me of a one upon a time bad choice I made resulting in some very large pills and injection sites….
To me, it’s just a day set aside to celebrate love. Doesn’t have to be romantic, but that’s what business has capitalized upon. Call your mom and tell her you love her. It’s easy and inexpensive, and she’ll appreciate it.
I am single didn’t get a damn thing for Valentine’s Day. However I was to busy Loving Me to be worried about getting something from anyone. I have Valentine’s Day Every Day with myself. Love starts and ends with yourself.
24kPlay
Yes, it can suck. I been alone and couple up on this day. Now I am in a spot where I live with my ex and he get me a card and he look one from me. I just get one that said Happy VD nothing with love and stuff like that.
I’m glad that VDay is over. I worked yesterday until 9pm so beat that I just wanted to straight home and relaxed by myself. As a single guy Who is never in love that is long for a special relationship I find distasteful when people over display their happiness in public and all kinds of social media. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy to see people are in love but sometimes they over share stuffs that are annoying and embarrassing. I don’t even want to go on Facebook anymore for every minute update posted by my friends and their lovers. In a way that prevents me from becoming a green eyed monster and direct the focus back to building myself or finding my own happiness, anything from work to making new friends. We all look for love but finding that right match is not easy when everyone only looks foward to the next quickie or conquest. However I’m hopeful and opening myself up for meeting new people with relationship minded and new sexual adventures 1 on 1. Who knows I might find my Valentine sooner here. Wishful thinking!
Love in any form is pretty fantastic. Whether it be platonic, romantic or other wise. I am recently out of a 13 year relationship and live in a small town with virtually no prospects, but I celebrated St. Valentines with a friend. For all those lucky men who do have someone, celebrate, for those of us who don’t, celebrate. When it comes down to it, you are all you really have, make the best of it.
Valentines Day only sucks if you’re going into it expecting it to be this wonderful day everyone pumps it up to be. I found out a guy I had recently just started dating was cheating on me on Valentines Day in 2015 and instead of being honest, he broke up with me in a text message but I don’t think Valentines Day sucks because I had a bad experience on that particular day. It’s a great day if you’re in a relationship but there are plenty of ways for those of us who are single to enjoy it too. There is always a friend or two we know who’s also single and it doesn’t have to be someone of the same sex, call them up and go out to dinner as friends. Buy your pet something if you have one of those or just relax at home watching movies and being lazy by yourself, you’ll survive.
Well,if you’re not in a relationship, what’s wrong with being nice to yourself? I’ve been in and out of love; but learned long ago to enjoy my own company; going out to dinner/movies by myself. Sure, I’d like to be in a relationship (having now healed from my thirteen year relationship breaking up after my ex went shopping online for a new boyfriend – while we were still together!), but like RuPaul says, “if you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anyone else!” (Can I get an amen up in heah?) {:c)
Love is over rated, and most of these relationships wont last anyway, yours didnt now did it? Most marriages and relationships end in divorce, just a fact of life. Just enjoy a good piece of ass when u get it lol 🙂
I feel you on the being in a relationship thing, and then shifting to suddenly not being in one, and the not having a valentine when the holiday approaches. I’ll be 30 this year, and I can recall only two times in my life where I had someone when the holiday approached, and the others were very painful reminders for me of both: The fact that I didn’t have someone, and remembering those two specific occasions which made the former hit even harder for me.
I’d even say to me, that feels worse to me than the thought of never having a valentine in my life, ever, because of those constant reminders of the fact that I did one before, but it’s now a bit of a sucker punch because of that constant reminder that the relationship didn’t last. And for me, that makes me feel worse than any time before when I’d never had a valentine in my life.
To those who have never had a valentine, I’m sorry that that person hasn’t appeared for you yet, and I hope that changes. But don’t take those frustrations out on someone else simply because you think their feelings on the holiday are less valid than yours. Everyone operates differently, just as some people who have been single for all their lives couldn’t care less about the holiday or having someone for it.
For me, I think the saying “To have loved and lost is better than to have never loved at all.” Is completely untrue. When you truly love someone and lose them, it can leave a heavy wound that can take a long time to patch up, and V-Day can normally completely re-open that old wound.
I didn’t have anyone to spend Valentines Day with, but I sure do enjoy watching others getting all dressed up in red and receiving flowers. I sent a Happy Valentine text to every close friend in my contact list. I do it every year and they expect it as a tradition. Try to make it a point to do something next year, even if you are single, do something out of the ordinary. The sun came up on the 15th, just like it did on Valentines Day.
Jason it is a lonely time. Make the best of it as you can. What a great duty you did for a gent to deliver his flowers. Uou experienced the look on her face plus you seen the look on his face when you volunteered to deliver them. You seen the love they share and but you were an assistant to making their day. You may not have one to share the day with but you took time to help make their day…and expression.
I too go the same route. I don’t have that special one but tell some one that is young who has lost their loved one in an accident or whatever..happy valentine’s day…you will experience a great reward. I have done this to men and women and believe it or not they are all very receptive of my comment. Jason. ..hope you had a great valentine’s day…you are loved…and i love you for taking the time to make me realize I have more to be thankful for.
I didn’t even think about it. I went to see the road company of Newsies, and then came home, watched Downton Abbey and went to bed because I’m trying to recover from a virus I’ve now had for almost 6 weeks!
Valentine’s Day makes us single people feel even more lonely and like a loser. 54 and have never had a decent date let alone a boyfriend or partner. I hate this holiday.
Bitter bitter bitter some of us need to look at the positive things in life and be grateful for it, yes some of us are single And would like to be in a loving relationship while many others pretend not to be human and say they have no desire for any kind of human companionship so with that being said back to Valentine ” love yourself” i’m single so I invite other single people that arent trying to slit their wrists to go out and have a really good time, get dressed go to a really nice restaurant and show yourself a really good time you may not agree but I love me and I rather have a good time with me and a few friends or just me other than sit around and mope and have negative feelings about being alone on Valentine’s Day when I have a love “me”
I enjoyed Valentines Day as a single person. A lot less pressure….
No one sent me a damn thing
I sent wishes out all over the place including the fucking animated Hallmark shit. And I got ZIP, ZERO
So you can have your damned holidays
Let them eat cake… Let them eat shit and die!
Life goes on the way it always has
No I’m not whining. No I’m not sad
I’m simply not interested
Feed the starving people of the world
Heal the sick
Clothe the naked
And shelter the homeless…THEREIN is the REAL love
Yes the original post does sound very whiny and entitled.
Why do so many people only feel validated if they’re in a relationship? Strikes me as very weak character. The worry that “every one is in a couple except me, oh woe is me” screams volumes about some internal work badly needed. Especially since this guy just had a LTR. Any day without a partner is a problem? Really? And that fact this V day you’re alone unlike the last three and that freaks you out? Really? Dude check yourself. Nobody cares.
All is attitude. If you think something sucks, it will suck. If you don’t want things to suck . . . well, make them not suck. Think positive, act positive, believe positive.
WAY too much is made about it. It’s no different than any other day and if you’re in a relationship it shouldn’t carry anymore weight than any other day of the year if you love each other and show your appreciation for one another the other 364/5 dasys of the year. I had a partner (Im single now) who seemed to never fail to forget my birthday but would go through the roof if I had to work or otherwise wasn’t into doing something on FEBRUARY 14 and didn’t get him something. He actually was pissed one year when I had the flu on vd day with a 101* fever and went out with his cousin LOL! Love for your partner should be an all year and daily thing. Not have it all resting and validated by one day on the calendar. It’s fucking stupid
I’ve been single most Valentine’s Days and I must say if I let my emotions get the best of me and I’m miserable. But if I appreciate the love I still have. My mom has been my Valentine since forever. My dad has to share. Even if it’s just a message. I love you. Or to the friends I still have.” Happy Valentine’s Day, Love”. It was still fine exactly how it turned out.
Ahh, singles awareness day…… I hate it. Went to a spa on that day and I was surrounded by love birds, next time I’m staying home and watching porn all day or working.
I am happy to say that this year, (first in 4+ years since my 12 year relationship ended), that I was able to enjoy a Valentine’s Day… I thought I’d never have another enjoyable relationship… we have communicated on Adam for over a month, meeting Valentine’s and enjoying an outing… wine sip at a local international grocery store… doesn’t take much for me… we enjoyed each other’s company and I’m crossing my fingers that it won’t be the last… just maybe I’ve not seen the last of love… guess what they say: dont’ go looking for love, it’ll find you… feeling fine in Ohio…
I notice a reoccurring theme… Guys who have never had serious long term relationships … Wonder what the stats are on that….. But I digress …. I spent my Valentine day servicing a few married men gay and straight…that I’ve been hooking up with for a few years now…. While one was breeding me, I noticed his wives flowers on a table nearby… I don’t think I’d want to share my Valentine with anyone….
Life is meant to be shared. It is painful when we find ourselves lonely and in our 50’s. Love will blossom again. But, I wonder if it’s up to us or just dumb luck. I don’t believe in God or Fate. Being single is not better or worse than being in a relationship. But it would be nice some day.
I don’t need a special day to show my love. I show love everyday. To myself (not that!) and to others! We all need to show a lot more love and WAY less hate!
I hate this unofficial holiday. All it has done was made me wish I made a move on a friend that I’m no longer friends with because I fucked up our friendship and can’t even move past it. I’ve literally thought of him every single day now and thought about how it was my fault for ruining the friendship
I actually found my dog (pitbull) on the streets of Camden, NJ on Valentine’s Day six years ago. She’s the only Valentine I’ve had in all that time, and my whole life for that matter. She’s honestly the best Valentine I could have ever hoped for though. She expects nothing, but I still get/bake her different things because I celebrate it as her birthday, and she gives me the same love and excitement that she gives every other day of the year.
Having her has totally changed my perspective on the holiday. Although I still have a longing for human companionship, the bond we have is so fulfilling that I honestly don’t get bothered seeing happy couples on this day. She’ll be my Valentine for the rest of her life, and she receives the brunt of my clingy, aggressive, over-bearing, affections.
She’s definitely made my life markedly better, and it makes me happy to know that I truly rescued her from a life of undernourishment and abuse as a bait dog in the fighting circuit of the nation’s most dangerous city. I like to believe that she came up to my friend and I on the side of an abandoned house because there was a purpose for our meeting, and maybe it was cupid’s arrow, but I thank God putting her in my life.
Why is it every single soul on earth is so hunted or rather envious of being single out on V-Day? Why pressure yourself to find someone for a date? Just to make you feel that your not empty at all.Everybody needs someone,but you don’t need a person just to complete you.
True love waits,and genuine love alone comes with our one and only savior Jesus Christ. Cruising and hookups with different men is not love at all,its vulnerability and inability to control one’s impulses.
Lemme lay something out here… A few years back, I was dumped on Valentine’s Day, for a drag queen! An on-again sent me something hella better than that tired mess could or would ever give me…a sense of standards about myself! We’ve been on-again since; the one who played me, tried rubbing him in my face (it shows how tired/unhappy/sorry he really is), but when it’s said and done, my on-again is a former serviceman, sitting at 5’10½”, 220# of Bonafide Italian muscle (brick house, indeed)…he showed me that I’m deserving of so much better & not to settle for some weak, scared, self-serving coward who is tired of being a man; so tired of being a man, that he’ll trade up his sense of manhood to be with someone who wouldn’t be considered a threat to it…LOL for those who are single, I feel ya, but the thing to do best, is yourself! Spoil yourself but don’t get so coldhearted, as to forget to acknowledge a few others along the way.