Speak Out : I Lost My Partner To Cancer :(
(This post was written by a member, to submit a blog article, send it to blog at adam4adam.com)
“I lost my partner of almost 24 years to complications of his cancer treatment in November. I find myself very alone even though I have a good number of straight friends. Coping has been difficult as we did everything together. I’m told counseling can help but with limited free time (I work long hours) that has not been an option. I’m moving out of the larger home we rented and going thru things has been quite a hard chore for me, what to keep and what to sell.
Anyone gone through something similar with advice for someone like me?”
David H (trimnhairy4me on A4A)
Sorry for your loss. I had almost the same thing after 37 yrs and a wonderful family. All I can offer is keep putting one foot ahead of another, even though its painful. Find a good friend to help you cope, and don`t be afraid to cry.
After two years now I still tear up and my friends understand. God bless man, it will be a rough road, but time heals. Give yourself a chance.
Wishing you the best.
David, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have lost 3 family members including my father to cancer. There can be nothing worse than to watch a loved one have to endure the ravages of cancer. Time is the best healer but even then there is always a void. I would recommend you find the time for counseling. Talking to someone will help you alot. We are all busy in our daily lives but you need to share your grief with a professional that can help. Wishing you all the best.
I’m afraid I’m going through something very similar except I am the one with the cancer. My partner of three years has been so incredible through everything that I’m going through right now. From doing more around the house and being understanding when I simply don’t feel like doing some of the things we used to always do; I am so grateful for him being by my side. If, by chance, my treatment doesn’t go as planned, I would want him to know that I would want nothing more than for him to be happy down the road.
David: First of all,I’m sorry you partner of 24 years is gone.But you were VERY fortunate to be together 24 years.Some people spend their whole life looking and NEVER have a shred of what you two had. Count your blessings. And always embrace the memories you two made together. You’re going through the stages of loss- mourning,grieving,etc. It takes time- and there is NO set length of time for each stage of loss. And everyone is different-some people seem to go through the stages of loss easier and quicker. You need to give your permission to feel all of your emotions,the strength of which may surprise you. DO find time to go to counseling- it IS well worth the effort. You’ll get a lot out of it,and the benefits(coping mechanisms/tools/etc.) you’ll be able to use the rest of your life. It IS an investment in yourself,and you ARE worth the time, energy and effort counseling entails. I was in counseling back in the 1980’s-for life long depression. I’d give anything to have my therapist alive and able to help not just me,but the many people’s lives he touched.I know it is hard to have to move from the home you two shared.Make the best decision for YOU,as you have to take care and nurture YOURSELF. More than likely your partner would want that for YOU. Life has many twists and turns. You’re along for the ride-and you CAN learn from it. Just be open to it. And be open to getting help.I have gone through losing loves ones,having to move,having to decide what to keep and what to let go. ALways hold on to the pictures,cards,videos,etc. You’ll be fine- it takes time to adjust and adapt. Tim in Texas
I am sorry for your lost. However, I suggest a good friend to listen to you & to be there for you. Also, having a spiritual base will help tremendously. My prayers are with you and as someone mentioned time is the best healer. So, another said earlier, continue to take each day as it comes and you’re going to make it. This Too Shall Pass!
Why can’t we beat cancer? I know it’s a complicated disease, but we have the greatest resources ever in history at our disposal, and we still can’t beat it. I’ve lost aints and uncles, a brother, and a father to cancer. I know the pain that cancer causes.
SORRY FOR YOUR LOST
I LOST MY PARTNER OF 25 YEARS LAST MONTH
I KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO KNOW WHAT TO KEEP AND WHAT TO GET RID OF
While it doesn’t give much solace, please note that you are not alone. Many of us have lost a partner to disease or accident. I have lost 2 partners….one suddenly, one over a long period of sickness. As a friend/counselor told me….
“you are never ready for it; you never really get over it; you do your best to get past it”. And yes, that does take time. You evidently were his care-giver . That is tough in itself. Talking with others certainly does help. When that is not possible, think back on the times that made you smile…perhaps even incidences when he was ill. It helps get us through the day. Take care.
David, I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through as I lost my husband to that horrible disease last April. Although you think you are prepared for the loss of a loved one, it is truly devastating when it actually happens. The sense of loss and being suddenly alone after being a care giver is overwhelming. Sadly, I came out late in life and only had a few years with my partner. We married while he was in hospice only a few days before he died. We felt it was good closure for both of us. I put off going through his things for months. When I did, I gave many items of clothing to his friends rather than donate to strangers. That way they would have part of him too. I would strongly recommend that you do what you have to to make the time for therapy. Not only to discuss the loss and bereavement, but to plan how to carry on for the future that you now face. You will not regret it. Therapy has saved me. I began several months before and have continued to the present. I will go for as long as I feel it is benefiting me and helping me to cope with a life that is now very different from what I had hoped for. I’m sure you are in a similar position. I would also advise you to make sure the therapist is gay friendly. That is one of the filters on the various websites that list available therapist. I wish you luck, peace and happiness in the future. There is always a void. There is always pain and sadness, but it does get better. You will laugh again, the pain will lessen, and you will move on with your life…and carry the good memories with you always.
So sorry for your lost. I lost my partner to cancer and a stroke in 2014. We were together for 34 years and I can’t say I have found anyone that understands what it is like to loss someone so dear. We did everything together and he was 18 years my senior and I loved him and always will and I know you feel the same. I have gotten rid of nothing so far and just giving it time to heal. One never heals after a lost and my heart goes out to you. Having no one here near me to talk to or do things with is hard. Most people don’t understand that we are need someone even if it’s someone to talk to. Please try and cope the best you can and know that you will be on my mind and in my heart….
Ive read the above comments, all good advise. Remembering he didnt choose to leave you, and talking it out partnered with some alone time to get centered again. Sadly the grief comes in waves, go with it, then pick your self up and start again
Remember, he would have wanted that for you, just as you would have wanted it for him. You will be ok alone until you are ready. Keep him and your memories in your pocket, and slowly move on. You’ll be ok, but dont do it alone. Professional help (impartial) will not impose their idea of what will make you happy, and not now, but soon.
COnsult your health care provider or county mental health department about availability of grief counseling. It can truly help at a time like this. I lost my stepson during the Iraq “war for oil” and had tremendous issues with it. Grief counseling helped me keep everything on the rails.
Cancer, in all its forms, sucks.
I lost one of the best lovers I ever had to pancreatic cancer in 2013. We were in a purely physical relationship, even though he was with another guy. The day he died, his partner messaged me to say so. I must have wept the rest of the day. I didn’t even know he was sick, but apparently, by the time they found out about it, he had only days to live. It must have been a heartrending experience for the two of them. You wonder how you can carry on and pick up the pieces of your old life without them in it. Somehow you do, and the grief process is different for everyone.
Please accept my sympathies.
My sincerest condolences. As a cancer survivor, I can agree with the above that a spiritual group helped me cope tremendously. It was actually fun…hard to call it “church” Center for Spiritual Living is a non denominational church which welcomes everyone…our local chapter includes gays, lesbians, transgender and everything in between. Especially funny to see a few Adam members at service! Stay strong.
Having cancer at least gives one time to prepare for what’s coming. Quite different than an engine blowing up mid flight with your loved one on…loosing someone is next to impossible to get over.
Why can’t we get rid of cancer? Everyone has to die from something, Cancer treatment is big business. Think of how many jobs would go away if they did. No need for komen walk/run. No treatment centers No need for pink ribbons. Its kind of like ending domestic and sexual violence. You think those people want to end what pays their bills?
David, I also am the one who had cancer and I had a great support system from my partner of 30 years. Now I have been cancer free for 2 1/2 years and there is a lot of information and support from an organization called What Next for people with cancer and also support for people who have lost love ones to cancer.Please check for them on line for others to talk to.God bless you and I’m sorry for your loss. Mark
I am so sorry for your loss. I can not feel your pain. I have had my own pain. My sister and both of my parents have died. I was lucky to be able to care for my father, who had lung cancer. My mom died suddenly. My sister, I had to sign for them to pull the plug. There is not a day that I live when those people are not part of my thoughts and life. I miss them so much. I even talk to them but they do not answer.Death is part of the natural cycle of life. Today and every day I make it a point to let the people living that I love, know that I love them.I did seek help from a mental health professional. I avoid alcohol when I think of my family members that are dead. With help I have reached a balance in life.
I think u need to surround yourself. With good friend and family. And u need to move on with life. One step at a time. I know it hard to do everything by yourself. But u will get use to it. Soon or later. But u will always have memory of him. In your special head. U never know. You might find yourself new lover. Because God work. His magic in mysterious way.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my partner of 17 yrs this past October and in November I had to put my pet of 18 yrs down.
I know how you feel and my advice is to allow yourself to mourn and take it one day at a time. I never thought I would make it but approaching 4 months now only seeems like yesterday. I cry every day multiple times and unfortunately no one to confide in. Find comfort in your friends but never allow anyone to dictate how you should feel.
Be strong and find it in your heart to thank God for allowing you to have experienced and shared love.
I lost my husband 10 months ago… It’s been incredibly hard.
The only advise I can give you is, whenever you think you can’t keep on. Just try to imagine what he would’ve wanted you to do. I know my husband wanted me to be happy again… I really don’t know how or when am I gonna get there, but I will. For him, I will.
You should also allow yourself to grieve. Surround yourself with people that care about you and maybe will make you laugh. But if you just want to be alone and cry, you should do that too.
I know I’ll get through this, you can too. For them, we should.
It gets better. Losing someone unexpectedly is tough but moving on afterwards and remembering all the precious moments you shared is all you can do. I’m not much help I just know that your loved one is now free from all the chains of the physical world that cause us pain. I’m not a religious person but I am a spiritual person and something in me is wanting me to tell you not to lose your light spirit.
Hope this helps
Lc
I am truly sorry for your loss, the passing of a loved one, especially a partner is so difficult. Rely on your friends and family if you can. know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry about your loss. I lost my partner of 14 years in 2011. He left for work and I never saw him again. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. It does get easier. I will always think of him everyday. That will never go away. I’m really lucky to have gotten to have it ALL for 14 years. Good luck with your journey.
I just lost my partner of 23 years, and am here not to provide platitudes (you’ll get that a’plenty from others) but perspective.
IT COULD BE WORSE.
I was fortunate in that I did not have to nurse my partner through a prolonged illness, but unfortunate in that it was a sudden, unexpected fatal heart attack for which I was completely unprepared. I awoke to find his body, covered in his own bile, vomit and feces, and began performing what I knew would be futile CPR (not my first dead body, but still traumatic).
We’d separated for several months 3 years earlier (he was bipolar and it was a warning shot across his bow), and in the interim he landed a new job and with me out of the picture he put his sister as his life insurance beneficiary. He died the day after insinuating marriage (he brought up in the context of gay marriage that a mutual friend was just ordained) and a week after agreeing to put me on the house title (I’d been on all other titles but left myself off to protect him because of MY then-illness). But he had a history of being disorganized and not following through, which his banker co-workers corroborated, but his RICH sister chose to decide that because his original will was missing (the attorney had the copy and a new one was never drawn up), it was his INTENT that I not get the $1M life insurance NOR the equity from the house upon sale, nor anything else. I was prepared for her and her father, who I considered my second father, to turn on a dime (in this case, ten thousand dimes) so I’m now prepared to again, like 3 years before, to be thrown away, receiving not one bit of contact from his extended family.
But it’s still traumatic, leaving me standing here, with no legal rights and my thumb up my ass wondering “Was it ALL bullshit?”
YOU, at least, have uncompromised grief. Take comfort in that, and all the sympathy and support you’ll garner. No one will think you deserved what you got, nor where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
David,
A friend once said its not the date you were born nor the date you passed to a better life that matters. what matters the most is the dash that separates the dates. think of all the fun times, memories, laughter and joy that was contained in the dash days. From days of labor to his day of reward think on this also for one day you will see each other again, of this I am sure. Hugs and prayers, Chris
I have a partner of 28 years… He has MS and I deal with the idea that he will at some point or another, succumb to the disease (over the last 5 years his physical condition has declined significantly). We deal with every day as it comes. I know the day will come… But I try to celebrate what we have and what we have had the chance to do together (travelling, great friends, our home and pets). You have had the great fortune to find someone that you shared a life with… Keep that in mind and be as positive as you can be. Don’t feel any guilt about moving on, should you find someone new, because you know he would want you to share your life and spirit with someone. He wants you to live on… Happily! All the best and a big hug
Sorry for your loss, grieving the loss of a loved one takes time, take the time you need. More so celebrate all the years you had together instead of the grief.
I’ve lost 3 family members within 4 years, 2 to cancer very quickly. My uncle died from esophagus cancer, by the time he went to the doctors the cancer already spread and he died within 2 months. He was 55. My grandfather died 2 years later from pneumonia.
3 years later grandmother had a tumor beside her stomach. They successfully removed it but she died 2 days later from complications after the surgery in my mom’s arms at the hospital. My mother was trying to save her, she had tubes in her, all the discomfort and pain. My grandmother didn’t know what was going on or why she was at the hospital, she kept saying she wanted to leave even though we kept telling her why she was there and my mother had to be there all the time or my grandmother would try to walk out of the hospital..the Alzheimer’s.
I was close to my grandmother, she was like a 2nd mother to me, literally. As mentioned, she suffered from Alzheimer’s and I was one of the very few she remembered, everyone else she didn’t know who they were. Including my father, she would say to my mother, “there’s a stranger in your bed”.
The day after she died all my memories of her raced through my mind and I cried a lot that night, I just let the tears flow. Once I realized she’s in a better place it helped me grieve and carry on.
The point of my story is that, there’s a time in our lives where we have to say bye to our loved one’s, whether it be our pets, parents, partner etc, it’s part of life, sooner or later. Grieve and try to move on.
Hi, It was just two years ago i lost my husband to prostate cancer.Its been rough. we were togather 34 years.had recently gotten married. I dont think you ever get over it. You just learn to live with it. Reach out if you want.
Good morning I have been in the same situation and I do not think it ever gets any easier–lost mine November of 2013 –I have found that focusing on something works more than anything I start a gym membership and program and do it in the evenings for I find that being at home in the evenings is the worse time –at work I am focused I constantly hunt for the WHY answers but never find them God is merciful and faith is a must I am not a religious person–certain music and pictures make me tear up and sometimes I just lose it just hold the memories deep in your heart for they are eternal–I also found that getting rid of the material things helps also only keep the most precious of them just a few I have never done counseling for I have not made it to that stage yet — have faith and peace and know that you did all you could for the person during the worst of times–take care buddy
David…I REALLY KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH. I lost my partner of nine years to skin cancer very sudden almost six years ago. He complained of a back ache which turned out to be stage 4 skin cancer and died 2 months later. So I know what’s going through your head. I had to do the digging through things and the personnel items, pack up the clothing (which I still have a bag of unwashed cloths of his), picked out the pictures to remind me of him, etc… I know what your going through. I yell even to this day at this man’s ashes about thinks we could have done different or just to bitch at him. If you really need someone that understands what your going through and need to talk, I’m here. Contact me if you need too.
David…so sorry for your loss….my best advice to you is to take your time…DO NOT make ANY major decisions too fast. ALLOW yourself TIME TO GRIEVE. I lost my first partner to cancer in 2003 after a four and a half year battle. He was the love of my life and after more than 20 years together, I thought I would not be able to go on without him…I obviously have. I was alone for three years, struggling to keep our business afloat as well as maintaining our house and property. I then met another wonderful man nine years ago and we are MAD about one another and married on Christmas Eve 2014. One of the things very few people think about when becoming a “couple” is that at some point one of you will be left alone. It is an adjustment for sure but it did prove to me that I was “stronger” than I realized. Take your time and cherish the memories, and
faith (?))…these things will sustain you. Good luck in your healing and whatever you might choose for the future.
David, I too lost my life partner of 27 years to lung and brain cancer in 2013. I walked around lost for a few months until I realize that I couldn’t do this alone. I sought help and it has made the best thing I have ever done for myself. I have an awesome therapist who not only is helping me with the lost of my partner but is helping me with the process of going on with my life. It hurts like hell and will do so for a long time. In addition to therapy, I have my faith which helped me tremendously. My advice is to (1) take it one day at a time, (2) keep your faith and (3) seek help from a professional. I’m keeping you in my prayers.
I lost Timothy in April of 2014. Our love and deep friendship will never leave my broken heart. I lost the brother I never had and my best friend for life. After almost two years the daily tears don’t come so easily anymore. There are so many daily reminders of our lives together, even down to passwords, that it’s impossible not to think about him a number of times each day… and if I get particularly horny for Tim I can watch some of his old pornography he did back in the late 90’s.
You have my sympathy. With the knowledge we have about cancer today, almost no one should die from cancer.
My younger brother was diagnosed with cancer about 3 years ago, had surgery (Whipple procedure) and chemo. He was “cancer free” for about 2 1/2 years. Now the cancer is back and he’s on chemo again. I have zero confidence the medical establishment protocols will save his life.
For those asking the question, “Why can’t we cure cancer”, the answer is the medical establishment is making a ton of money–billions and billions of dollars every year–with the status quo that they have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in giving us a cure. The elites who are holding our healthcare system hostage don’t give a damn about your health and your life. They only want your money. And those doctors who are attempting to cure cancer using alternative treatments are targeted by the elites–FBI raiding and ransacking their clinics, threats on their lives, and some doctors end dying mysteriously. Of course, the media doesn’t report this, because the elites control the media as well.
It’s been over 40 years since Prez. Nixon declared war on cancer, and billions and billions of taxpayer money has been spent on cancer research. Yet, cancer patients are given the same 3 choices of treatment: Surgery, Chemo and Radiation.
I’ve been on the sidelines all of this time watching friends and relatives turn their health and lives over to the medical establishment only to see failure time and time again. This is pure INSANITY–thinking you’re going to try the same thing everyone else has been doing, but somehow you’re going to be the lucky one and get a different result. (OK, maybe 15% of cancer patients survive 5 years after diagnosis, but close to 100% of people who are diagnosed with cancer will eventually die from it, so that’s still the definition of failure.)
Since making my conclusion, I have been reading just about everything I can get my hands on regarding safe, natural, alternative treatments for cancer. The good news is there are many alternative ways to treat cancer that don’t wreak havoc on your body and immune system and don’t cost hundreds of thousands of dollars.
The bottom line is the reason people are diagnosed with cancer is because the immune system is not functioning properly. Surgery, chemo and radiation don’t do a damn thing to fix your immune system. In fact, all 3 can make things worse. Any kind of surgery can cause the cancer to metastasize. Chemo and radiation can further impair the immune system to point where oncologists tell their patients they can’t do anything more for them and send them home to die. Unfortunately, that’s when people turn to alternative treatments, but many times, their immune system is damaged beyond the point of no return.
Two key ways to stop cancer from killing you are to increase the alkaline level in your body and increase the oxygen level. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an alkaline, oxygen rich environment. Unfortunately, the medical establishment won’t help you do either of these, because they can’t make big bucks off of these. Remember, making money is more important to them than your health and your life.
One third to one half of us will have to deal with cancer in our lifetimes. The time to do your own research into cancer treatments is now when you’re healthy. For those who agree the current system is a failure and/or for those who want to learn more about safe and effective alternative treatments, I recommend reading the book “The Complete Guide to Alternative Cancer Treatments” published by the Alternative Cancer Research Institute.
Keep in mind there is no cancer treatment that comes with a 100% effective guarantee, but I think we can do a much better job using safe and natural alternatives. The U.S. spends more money on healthcare than any other country, but we have more people dying from cancer each year than any other country. Something is definitely wrong, and I don’t see anyone in our government or medical establishment committed to changing it, because they know they will end up dead, if they try.
Bottom line, no one can care more about your health and well-being than you, so if you don’t give a damn about it, no one else will.
I lost my partner of 12 years to lung cancer. He passed one week after his first chemo treatment. I came home from work and found him on the floor….he bled out from the treatments.
im srry man i no its hard to loose a loved one jus keep ur head up ok?
I lost my partner of 12 years to lung cancer. He was one week into chemo treatment. I came home from work and found him laying on the couch…..he bled out from the chemo treatment. Such a HUGE void in my life.
I am very sorry for your loss.I am a hospice RN aND I see death almost daily. If your husband was on hospice I would recommend you contact them. There are a lot of support groups for spouses. I know you said you were moving out of your home. My suggestion is not to do it for a year. Try not to go on any medications. They only delay the grieving process. I took care of my mom for 11 years and I had a friend who lost her husband after 40 years of marriage. Her doctor told her the same thing. After mom died in thought I wouldn’t be able to live. Surprisingly people came into my life who were going through the same thing I did. Mom has been gone 11 years and I have friends whose parents are aging with alzheimers. I am there for them. Helping others takes away my pain. Thanks for taking care of your partner.
First off I’m sorry for your loss. I have lost 2 partners it’s hard to get your self back from what you have deal with. Just be strong don’t let your self down you will find what need to do you have many saying this or that but you will find right way to handle and cope with your loss again I’m sorry for your loss.
I lost a very close friend to some cancer and I did not even know that he was sick. How I found out was he left me some money. We did not even live in the same state and we had been friends for about 8 years and was going to finally meet. As I think back everytime we talked on the phone at the end before hanging up he would say “ILove you” and as it got closer his I love you got more intense and all this time I meant more than a friend. I will always miss him and his sense of humor and kindness. When I read his death certificate I knew that he was in pain a lot of the times we are on the phone and he told me once that he would die that same age his dad did. I never listened but it happen. The guy had everything going for him he had money, a mansion, a pethouse, classy friends but he never had his health and when I would bring that up when I heard him coughing he would say just a cold. I am so sorry I did not know his health was so bad I would of been there for him even more. He helped so many people because money meant nothing to him. I miss him.
I lost my partnerof 27 years in 2011 to Pancreatic Cancer….he lived eight months from diagnosis…I am so thankful for the last months we had together…in that time he told me…Pick Yourself Up. Brush off. Move on and be Happy.Do not mourn.
I have since met a really nice guy who I live with. It is not the same. Never will be. But I am not lonely, or alone. Moral being…your life will go on…and your partner wants it to. Be strong…but keep your mind and heart open to a new chapter. And continue LIVING for yourself and your partner. I know what you are going through and it sucks….but look ahead to better times and being alive. HUGS
My partner of 13 years passed away 2 years ago of complications due to having 2 strokes and 2 heart attacks.
We had just celebrated his 57th birthday. I am still in our same apartment, but got rid of most things that were his. The rest I will get rid of this summer. I have already decided what to keep. I did not seek counseling of any kind and prefer not to talk about him or our life together. I was left nothing and had to find a job quick to worry about that. Right now, I would rather be alone. Outside of going to work and starting to go to church again, I would rather stay home alone with my dogs. Maybe it will be different for you.
I lost David 3 years ago and it doesn’t ever get any easier. you learn to go on and its difficult. Right now im bawling my eyes out thinking how much i miss him. Today was my birthday and i made it through another year without him, but it hasnt gotten any easier
To everyone who posted here, thank you very much. If you feel you would like to chat with me, I’m open to that. My Adam4Adam name is Trimnhairy4me.
My partners name was Kevin; who was the kindest most talented person I’ve ever met, I miss him greatly.
I am touched by the number of responses. Thanks Again To All !!
I am sorry for your loss. Keep all the love you need and spread the rest around.
It might seem like a trivial suggestion, but please consider having a quilt made from some of your partner’s clothes. That way you can curl up with his memory whenever you need.
Every town has a group of ladies who quilt. In mine they accept donated items and make small quilts from them. Every month they visit the homeless shelter and play granny, embroidering a name on each piece, so that these children who have nothing can have something that is just theirs to go with them in their new life.
To me, that is a simple and beautiful thing. I hope you will think about it as a possible legacy of love made tangible in your lover’s memory. When you’re ready.
I sorry for your lost, i partner and i have been together for more that 30 years, he is older than me and i fear vthe day i will lose him. i have no idea what i will do.
but i know i will remember him all the time i even miss him now when he gets up from the bed to cook me breakfast every week day i cook him breakfast on the weekend.
i had a dream what i will do the day he will not be here with me, i almost died 6 years ago and the only person that
? was next to me on the surgery room was him, do i love him? i dont not ? but i feel you thanks for being so breve do post these message and ask for help with love from Nicaragua, central america
elp
While I’m going through something similar it’s nothing compared to you. I have. I advice but just wanted to give my condolences and I hope this time gets easier for you.
Jason
ncboy1982_
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I to lost my partner of 31 yrs in November 2014. Stills roller coaster but seems to be leveling out a bit been through the downsizing family and friend issues and moving on with my life. Hit me back if you would like to talk further. It will get a bit easier but takes time. Things never will be the same but wishing you the strength to move ahead