Speak Out : Explicit Profile Descriptions
(This post was written by a member of A4A. If you wish to send a blog post, send it to blog at adam4adam.com)
Some profiles on A4A sometimes leave nothing to the imagination of the surfer when explicit descriptions of sexual desires and practices are stated! Some Profiles provide details that state exactly what is desired and required for a playmate to be acceptable to the Profile’s owner. In these cases, the sexual adventure should not have many surprises—even when a position or technique is suddenly activated.
One A4A profile states that the twentysomething owner is “a nasty cum pig, uninhibited, and looking to party with lots of cum spread about in hot asses.” He also wants to be bred repeatedly bareback! He is into older guys with big cocks that can shoot big loads—emphasizes BIG LOADS with deep penetration. He is a proponent of drug use and is HIV positive. Somehow, he failed to suggest whether he would swallow cum loads or expect his playmate to do so. But he will expect his playmate to host. So now, you have a hookup that doesn’t go past a slam, bam mental picture —and will probably want it during his brief lunch time.
Contrast this profile with its specifics and little left to the imagination with another type. THE OTHER PICTURE: This one is of finding a playmate to become a friend— hopefully that will evolve into a relationship with lots of affection and foreplay to the max! Thus, there are two distinct schools of thought regarding sexual activities. Hookups represent 60% of A4A members and 40% of the members are into friendships/relationships.
The question here is whether graphic, explicit descriptions are beneficial or not? What do you think?
Counselor4U
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My profile is right to the point. My time is limited and so are my opportunities so I like profiles that are equally to the point. Sometimes I think the little bois run away in fear after reading it due to its in your face style.
I’m not looking for love on Adam. I’m looking to nut. It’s not my first day at the rodeo. I’m not looking for the special moment. I’m looking to fuck. Barbaric as that sounds, it’s brutality honest and to the point.
While I share some frustration at the overtly objectivist profiles, people will say and represent themselves as they choose. I find it interesting that you all but “slut-slammed” the first example and couldn’t resist using a bit of HIV stigma to drive your point home. At least that profile is honest and he is open about his status to potential partners. As someone who is also positive and looking for something honest and long term, the majority of guys still run screaming (silently of course) for the hills when you disclose. Articles like yours don’t seem to foster genuine dialogue so much as choose an extreme example that you can vilify to further the judgemental nature of modern gay social norms. Assuming that your moniker is accurate, I would expect you to enter into this sort of discussion with an inclination to foster understanding rather than simply draw another dividing line.
those profiles keep the guys that fantasize about an uninhibited encounter, but cant handle it in person away. If you answer and eventually hook up, you know what youre in for, good or bad.
My own profile is specific about some things, less so about others.
To my mind, specifics act like filters. The tighter the specifics, the more potential good matches get accidentally blocked.
So I weigh how important something is and am careful about how I represent it — for example, I ADORE a smooth butt, but it’s not a requirement. My profile can say both parts of that easily.
Personally, I like something to be left to the imagination. That said, I’m also loathe to criticize anyone else’s way of rolling on these sites… Different strokes and all that. Me-also-thinks that the 26-year-old writing to Speakout should attend to his own style and preferences and leave it at that. No one is forcing him to participate in activities he deems unsafe and unsuitable. Never think you know what it’s like to be in another guy’s shoes.
Profiles like that let you know what is expected if you have an encounter no matter how graphic ,unfortunately everyone will not read the profile if there is a hot pix involved …many times I am contacted by tops that want to hook up and want to fuck me raw although my profile states I’m a total top that play safe with no strings … With pix only of my dick
I look at profiles like this: Two guys walk into a Burger King. The first one gives me a very detailed, very explicit order. The other just says he wants a burger and make it anyway I saw fit.
Now I know thus is a somewhat simplified description but it makes the point about explicit profiles. The more information one has the better prepared one can be(and who doesn’t like that?).
On a site like this or any other sites that promotes sexual encounters I’d be surprised if I didn’t see explicit profiles.
Personally, I am tired of all the relationship seekers, who want face pics, and profile descriptions that would be more like what you would find on eHarmony.
Why can’t A4A split into two sites?
A vanilla site for the people who want to hook up without having to get married first with no nudity or graphic descriptions.
And make the other site based around hooking up, and require all the relationship seekers to troll the vanilla site.
The desperate pleas to find a LTR here is becoming a real mood killer. Anyone remember “HOOKUPNOW”? That site had the right idea.
How about a filter to eliminate all ‘relationship’ seekers for the men who want to hook-up. And likewise a ‘1-1sex’ filter for the relationship hunters to eliminate the men who are here looking for sex ‘now’.
This blending of A4A as a dating site and a hookup site is not working anymore.
jack : some guys are looking for sex and a relationship. If they are horny on friday night, doesn’t mean they don’t want to find the man of their life. So no, we won’t split the site
I think Jack is on to something with the filters! I’m one of the guys looking for fun, not relationships.
For me, the biggest issue is profiles basic stats, age, height, weight, waist, hair. Some guys don’t fill that out, and with guys, in person, what do you notice first? Appearance. Sexually, we all have combinations that arouse us more, so that has to be there.
The type of interaction sought has to be accurate. If a guy likes vanilla, he shouldn’t have “fetishes” on his profile. If he doesn’t consider sex possible, he should just have “friends” marked.
The bedroom-specific part, size, position, meeting place, prophylaxis, meeting place is often messed up. That applies to the writer. If I see “bottom, my place” it doesn’t mean a top who wants to come to me. Some guys use that area as though it’s what they seek, not who they are. They should be careful to read the instructions.
The essay should give a little indication of where the writer stands. If he wants “friends” or “1 on 1 sex” and his essay says he wants fwb, that clears things up, showing he’s willing, but not just a hookup. Some guys don’t have gaydar, and most don’t read minds. It’s easier to put it out there than it is to explain to every writer. True, it makes for good dialogue, but how often does one person or the other go dramatic over the misunderstanding. They shouldn’t but they do. A guy who really wants some action will often get frustrated. Better to head it off at the pass.
Two things that shouldn’t have to be said:one of them might realize after chatting that the other isn’t his type after all, or he isn’t wanting to decide right now. We’re all adults, so we should know that could happen and be respectful and mature. I had a few times I respectfully understood and wound up making friends.
Also, it’s a good idea to pull up your profile and check it. I’ve had guys find out they had the wrong weight, age, race, status, etc, because of server glitches or whatever, but the faulty information makes for nisinderstandings and lost opportunities. Correct information is part of the specifics that make it easy for browsers to decide.
That’s my view, the more clear, the better. And nobody should block because of a misunderstanding. Only for hatred or stalking. The error might be what you said or didn’t say in your own profile. Thanks.
@Jack – I have to say that I see some merit in your suggestion to split the site. It would be a good idea to have a site/area where friendship / relationship seekers could go and revert back to regular A4A when you need just plain sex.
But that decision would be up to the site to at least try to see if it would work?
Been o n thos site for the better part if 5 years and where this Crack pot gets the 40% number is outrageous. Now I’ll give you that not everyone is as open as the man he first ripped into. But let’s be real, this site does not in anyway shape or form promote monagomy or relationships. When I get seancody adds watching some 20 something bouncing on a hippy hop and another ad of 2 40 year old men taking down a daughters boyfriend I’m not inclined to think this site is meant for relationships. does it happen of course,, but let’s call a spade a spade.
Pointless article. People are free to put whatever they want on their profiles, explicit or not. Frankly, only a fool would come to a4a expecting to find “love” or a “relationship”.
SMH : did you know that hundreds of couples formed on A4A? Did you know that dozens of couples married after meeting on A4A ?
Personally, I think a profile’s content is no body’s business but the owner’s. Whether the content was graphic or not, doesn’t matter if the owner wants a potential date and relationship or slame n’ bam fuckfest. Just as long as the person knows what he wants and is clearly vocal about it in his profile, I see no problem.
Even profile that do not have much content but the owner still has an agenda or a desire, then as long as when the conversation starts he is honest, straightforward and explicit about what they’re looking for, then I see no problem.
If someone wants to be pounded repeatedly and says so in his profile, then if thats what you are NOT looking for then you can skip the profile, no problem.
If someone wants that but they’re not explicit about it in their profile, they should make it clear in the first few messages that that’s what they’re looking for. There’s nothing with that if you’re doing it with tact. If I see a profile that sounds like its owner wants a relationship but when I initiate a conversation they ask “Dick pic ?”, I instantly end the conversation. However, I would have no problem if that person carried a conversation like “Hi”, “Hey, how are you doing ?”, “I am good ! You ?” “Not much. Just hanging out” “Good” “What are you up to” “I am currently looking for a hookup, would you be interested ?”
At this point you can say yes or no, depends on what YOU are looking. No problem !
I think it is an excellent idea to split the site into two parts. I think it would also be helpful to provide more Quick Search options.
I think if someone wants to be as explicit as they
can he in both their profile description text and pics,
i think that is a good thing.
I appreciate blunt honesty up front.
I prefer profiles with more information than those with little-to-no information. Why waste a half hour messaging someone only to learn they are really into some role or activity or fetish that I can’t fulfill or have no interest in? Example: Some guys are really turned on by feet or want someone who will worship their feet. I don’t get that.
there is a difference between eharmony and this. A sexual episode that is explicit does not mean you are a bad person just this is a part of who you are. We analyze this and judge this way too much. You would think we would be one of the least judgemental groups. We are far from that .
Not a bonfire big enough…
To be or not to be graphic or explicit descriptions. That it is the question.. and a good question it is.
I wonder if it also depends on where you live. I live in an area with slim pickings and lots of judgmental people. No matter what you do, you can’t win. They see an explicit profile, they make assumptions, and bam! You’re ignored. You are not and then the discussion leads to hooking up, and oh no.. the relationship talk begins..
You just can’t win!!
I’m on the more vague side. When I see a very explicit profile, I usually just pass on to the next. Something about knowing exactly what would happen just isn’t that appealing to me. Even if it’s just a hookup, a little mystery is a good thing.
Devon: stop with the p.c.b.s. already. Obviously profile one from above, is by someone who’s positive most likely due to acting upon personal taste. Don’t expect the rest of the world NOT to point a finger if it’s your choice to act like that. Jack: did it ever occur to your self absorbed ass, that perhaps you are the problem when it comes to bridging stigma? If you need cock that bad, but can’t practice a little responsibility to your fellow human, do public service and go lick urinals.
I don’t mind seeing the explicit profiles…that way I know we have nothing in common and I can skip over them.
I agree with the sexually explicit profile. Some people on this site are full of shit! Everyone here is looking for sex so why lie about it? I think some guys do not want to appear as just sluts so they lie and say they want some big romance. You are probably not going to find the love of your life on Adam4Adam. I am sure it happens from time to time BUT most people here are looking to get off. So, why not just be honest?
Having spent the majority of my adult life supporting and defending the Constitution (yes, it’s a military oath of office….a commission) I believe in the 1st Amendment…..as long as you aren’t yelling out “fire!” in a crowded theater, exercise your right of free speech, and say what you want in your profile. You judgemental bastards bugger off!
Yes this is a hook up site. Stating what you are looking for and/or need should be fine. After all do you not have the right to pass a profile by? Men often lower standards when they need to bust a nut. Sometimes that is not a bad thing,I did it and have a partner now and working on 7 yrs together. Sometimes it works out. Hell so a dick/ass and no one reads anyway.
I’m sure there are a lot of couple that met on A4A but there first connection and intention was sex which is the glue that keeps a gay couple together.
The more info you have in your profile, the more success you will have on getting a match!
Now, info does not mean… Details! 😉
So here’s the math..last time I signed on 111, 001 members online…that means that 1% of those would be 1,110.01. hundreds of couples formed (assuming 2 per couple would be..lets give the benefit of the doubt..500 couples…1000 men..”dozens” of married guys would not even register..maybe 1/100th of total men online…so just by the math alone this is not a dating, getting married or relationship site..the numbers don’t lie..its the same as saying 59% of the site say this or that..when only a small fraction reply.(think percent of respondents) .and its the same guys over and over that reply..not complaining here…it all is what it is..lets just not say what it isn’t..just want to get the facts straight…
You want sanitized join match simple as that.
Off topic: Add a way to remove people that have added you to their friends list, when you’ve had zero contact in anyway. I call them freindship trolls, but really their mentally unhinged stalkers.
Be up front, honest and state exactly what you want. This saves a lot of emailing each other back and forth. I read the entire profile and if I’m not a match, then I don’t contact that person. For the most part, people don’t read what is in the profile anyway, they just react and respond based on the photo. Makes me wonder if they can actually read.
The author must be one of those guys who wastes my time by putting up no information and you spend hours dragging it out of them only to find out you aren’t compatible or interested. If that is what number one wants and is looking for, I laud him for putting it out there and not wasting people’s time. He’ll find his matches without wasting your time or his. Obviously you had no interest and knew up front without having to chat with him; that should be of value to you. I hate profiles with no pics (just make them private) and no information. I get tired of dragging it out of you and wasting time – if I’m not going to find you a match, it isn’t going to happen regardless so let’s find out early. Hundreds of couples may form on here, but the advertising has nothing to do with relationships, it is mostly porn, I think the face of the site says “hookup” far more than “matchmaking”. I’m glad people do find love, but it certainly isn’t presented as that kind of site. And a good share of the people on here wouldn’t be if it were. Interestingly everyone said eHarmony – last I knew thyey were a religious site with no same-sex matches.
When it’s stated, exactly what some one want’s, or is looking for, I tend find that a lot easier to deal with then those that just continuity down the list say ” ask me”, I didn’t realize that we’re were on here to play 20 questions.
I don’t mind these straightforward profiles because it serves its purpose. There are many who use this site for hookups and that’s fine. However, what bothers me are the posts I’ve read about us guys who wants a genuine relationship. Yes, I was promiscuous, at one point in my life, but who wants to be a whore, slut, Jezebel all of his life??
If you’ve got no game (as it was once referred to), then I suppose expressing exactly what your needs are is fine. Of course it knocks you down a few pegs on the higher life form mosaic..but then hey, what the hell, who cares if anyone thinks all gay men are about, is using each other for jack off toys? That needle in the hay stack that IS actually telling the truth in their profile IS rare. Gay, doesn’t mean a guy has to find everything acceptable. Don’t let your little feelers get hurt if someone can’t understand you’re more of an animal than a human. And no, that wasn’t a compliment.
hey they way I see it he was honest about himself and what he’s looking for. If your looking for that then you would be thankful to know it. I’ve tried to be honest as possible on my profile. There’s times I want a hook up, but always thinking about a possible LTR. If we click hey ya never know. I met a guy as a hook up here and it turned into a long term FWB. I would be thrilled if it turned into something more “LOVE” possible, marriage if it works out that way I’d be thrilled with that. then I could delete my profile and we would live happily ever after. WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TOMORROW….. DDDD
I’ve had several guys hit me up on here with “only lookin for friends” in their profiles, even though I specifically say I’m only looking to play. Let’s be realistic, this site ain’t about dating and anyone who comes on here saying so is full of shit.
my name kinda says it all. i’m not looking for a soul mate on a cruise site. i’m looking for large, thick hammers to throat. pretty simple i think….
I’m not sure why another person’s profile would matter. If it is not appealing to me I do not engage them.
Put whatever you want in your profile, isn’t that the point of this site? Don’t bother with the ones that do not interest you! If the person in the “pig” example described his preferences to me in a bar I would giggle and excuse myself…it’s not for me but may be perfect for someone else in the bar or on A4A…What Do You Care!?
This is simply another way of passing judgment on another person.
IGNORE the profile if you’re not interested, BLOCK the profile if it is insulting to your DECICATE constitution!
I don’t care what you write on your profile. If you want to describe yourself by saying you are a cum sucking pig and the more bareback the better so be it . If i’m not into that I will not respond . It’s that simple
.I don’t really care for all those ass spreading butt hole shots where you can count every individual hair surrounding your tight ass .Seem like everyone has a tight hole on here .What this site lacks in class is made up by imagination.
Every time I sign, I see the notation that A4A is ” the world’s largest gay hookup site. I think that is why most of us are here. My profile lets a potential playmate or partner know what I want and what I am looking for.I prefer to be blunt. Why waste time if this person isn’t what I am looking for.
Given a choice, I’d rather have a guy be explicit in his profile. If he limits himself to a series of “must” and “only”, fine. That’s his choice. While I believe his searches for partners will be more difficult and he’ll probably pass over guys who would otherwise turn out to be excellent men, he’s free to conduct his searches under his own rules.
The latest “headscracther” over limits was guy recently who seemed to be great. Not too far into a few chats, he realized I had facial hair. “You have facial hair. I hate being ‘picked’ and would never meet.” We ended conversation amicably at that point. My handful of play buds tell me they like it when I “prickle” parts of their bodies with my goatee. As I do when they do the same to me during play. If a goatee is a “deal killer” for Mr. Limits, fine. I was glad to find out early.
People can put whatever they want in their profile, but when a blank profile with no pics, no stats, and no text, emails me with “hi”, I have to assume there’s not two brain cells to rub together there. Yet it’s surprisingly frequent. Why does that person think anybody would care?
My profile is explicit. Guys who read it know exactly what I’m interested in doing. I make sure that my stats are accurate, and tell about the kind of man I want to meet.
But what exasperates me to no end is when those males don’t read it at all. “So what are you into?” Give me a fucking break! Read the damn profile! Get your head out of your ass and read it. That’s why I wrote it.
And if a profile is incomplete with information that would help me make a more informed decision, next. I’m not going to waste my time in messaging him.
It’s also frustrating to read “Looking for fun.” No kidding. Aren’t we all. Please give me some kind of an idea what we can expect.
And if you’re HIV+, there’s no shame in adding that. We would all like to know. It’s easier when browsing profiles to know for sure. Perhaps we should consider everyone to be poz unless otherwise stated.
If you’re looking for a hookup, fine. That’s helpful to know. We can reasonably assume that most are looking for just that. I’m one of them. But if a relationship is more of what you want, I’m not interested. But far be it for me to say no if he just wants a little fun on the journey!
Explicit is good.
I have read this way too many times
” bottom if it goes there”
To me that means I’m already cleaned out & ready to fuck. Too many times it “went there” and the bottom was not prepared. If a guy talks about fucking it should mean I’m ready to go. A top shouldn’t have to ask ” did you douche?”
The more explicit the better.
Another of the “wow, just wow” moments.
If you’re offended by detailed interest profiles, ignore them and don’t contact the user.
If you have a generic profile and don’t like playing 20 Questions, consider putting more details in your profile.
If you don’t want hooks ups, say so. It won’t offend me and I’ll gladly leave your attention to those who are seeing friends w/o benefits or who are seeing relationships.
If you’re into disgusting piggy sex, say so. I can then decide if our views of swineful play match up.
But to insinuate that those men who are up front, honest and specific about their desires are somehow ‘less than’ is disingenuous, dishonest and frankly repugnant.
I think the profiles should be more explicit. For instance I’m into fetishes and I hate asking a guy who has misc fetishes in his profile what fetishes he’s into only to have him dance around the question, or spend a long time talking only to find out we’re not on the same page as far as fetish goes. I can’t really understand the desire for “mystery” as what ends up happening is one person isn’t into what the other is and the whole situation falls apart.
And that matters for relationships as well as hookups. How can you be in an long term monogamous relationship with someone you are not sexually compatible with (I know that sex is not the only thing in a relationship but it is a thing). Having been in relationships where we were compatible socially, but not sexually, it just didn’t work in the long run. If we had been upfront about what we were and were not into from the beginning we could have saved ourselves a lot of trouble.
So saywhut refers to piggy sex as disgusting, then goes on to call the rest of us who find it disgusting as well, as dishonest and repugnant. Way to go hypocrite. Can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I get a message from someone who wants everyone you know, to cum in their ass. There isn’t anything in my profile to suggest I’m that kind of person. If some of the men using the sight would indeed just use your “ignore and move on” process, it would be great. The reality is, there are a lot of men on the site with absolutely no boundaries or self respect, and they could care less who they make feel uncomfortable. Maybe the answer would be a few “rooms”, instead of cities, where pigs and drug addicts can congregate. They can travel to the ends of the earth to tamp meth up each others ass, and piss in each others mouth. And guess what? I will few such activities how the hell ever I want to.
Wow, lot of angry guys want a man to be an object is all i’m really hearing. So, many of you from how I interpret your comments just want to never see this person and never know anything about them? How sad and isolating that must be.
I like to see a face pic and sometimes yes I like to actually talk to the person that i’m potentially hooking up with. Its cowardly to make someone guess what you look like or what you want. Be straight about it and tell the truth.
I’ve had guys that went from a hookup to we were hanging out having fun as friends and guys that just say they want to be friends that really just want sex.
Just be clear with people!
I think explicit and non-explicit profiles are fine. We’re big boys here. I think there are other fish to fry. For example, if your status on “on” be on. I respond one way or another to the men who message me and I am timely. Men who say “If I don’t respond, I’m not interested.” are narcissistic and rude. I say to those I’m not interested in: “Thank you for you’re interest. I’m not interested. Good luck in your search.” and if the guy flips out so be it, but I take the time to respond.
It’s each guys choice really. I am more explicit in my profile. I am really more into the sex, however I have met a few friends along the way. I am not interested in a romantic relationship, just a physical one..
This site is big enough to accomodate a lot of tastes, and is successful at doing that. It’s good for people to be honest about what they are looking for. So there are no surprises. On the other hand, sometimes we find something good, that we didn’t expect. My closest friend was someone who I met here, who I have never hooked up with.
I mostly look for friendship. It doesn’t have to be local. I’ve made friends on here thousands of miles away.
Sometimes it’s nice to hook up, but that’s not my main motivation. There is not much online by way of places to chat and find buddies, and this site has a lot of diverse guys with all kinds of motivations and tastes.
I haven’t been to a bar in many years. I look at this site kind of like a virtual gay bar. You can see how your friends are doing, check out the sexy guys, possibly hook up but if not, that’s fine too.
The good thing about being specific is, if that’s the only thing you want, it saves time and feelings for all involved.
I love been a gay since my childhood,but now my mate is having affair with another gay mate,that is not as sexy as I do,but now I need a mate