Speak Out : Fat Shaming In The Gay Community
(This post was written by a member of A4A, if you too would like to contribute to the blog, feel free to send your text to blog @ adam4adam dot com)
Here is Neil’s message to me,
Really? I’m kind of conceited, a fabulous writer, and although I don’t like how overweight you are, I like that you have a nice friendly smile, that you are a writer is interesting as hell, and… Well… Hm. If you say you like “personality” in a person, and it looks like you can handle (and embrace) different opinions, eh, handle them is the key word here, I have no reason not to talk to you, do I? (This is my way of saying you’re probably pretty cool).
SO! Getting RIGHT to it, how did you get to be so fat? When did it happen and why? It is not right. We must do something about it. You’re like a bright star being suffocated under the dead weight of a um, what do you call a collapsed star? You don’t want to be that, right?
I know of a book called Mucusless Diet Healing System, authored by Arnold Ehret, this is an old book, but you gotta read it. There is a free download PDF if you google and look for it. I can’t put the link to it in this message, but it’s open in another tab on my laptop RIGHT now! Wouldn’t it be wonderful for you to get a look at it? Also, hello sir, my name’s Neil! It’s a pleasure to meet you. I hope you feel the same. Try talking to me sometime, it might be good for me too.
Here is my response,
Hi Neil, thanks for taking time to write me,
While unlike most people online, I don’t allow myself to get upset about people voicing THEIR personal opinions online, but I also have no issues to rebut with MY opinions right back at them. And typically a majority of people can’t handle what I say and how I say it. The greatest thing about the internet is the ability to connect with the global community, but the drawback is that people traditionally type how they talk and that can be problematic if you’ve never had an actual voice conversation with the person. That being said I’m having a very hard time following your narrative.Maybe with this structuring you might want to find another adjective besides “Fabulous” when describing your writing skills.
Typically an introduction and greeting is made at the beginning of a personal letter and not the end. Then you subjugated the person to your thoughts and opinions. As to your perplexity at the differences between human body types, I suggest you could be better served doing internet research that is more recent than a book written in 1905.Recent genetic science has taught us that regardless of exercise and diet, some people are bigger( I am considered an Endomorph, you would be an Ectomorph). My family stalks from Hungary, we’re big people, always have been, always will be. Genetic structuring isn’t something that can be changed on a whim and honestly. Why should I? I’m happy with my body. I’ve got a great smile because even at my lowest points I still have things to be thankful and happy for.
Why should I force myself to do things I don’t want to do to appease the ego of someone else, and in this case it seems someone like you? If you can’t handle my physique, and it keeps you up at night,maybe you should get over it and turn your gaze inside yourself instead out at others. Seeing how you’re not stating that you’re a dietician, nurse, doctor or anything in that ballpark, what exactly are your qualifications besides your ego that can pass superficial judgement on me and ask me these questions?
“Why is your hair so thin? I mean you can fix that these days. There are supplements and judging from your racial stock I’d imagine you could easily transplant some of your back hair up to your head. Maybe you should check out this book about it…… You could be so gorgeous if only you have a full head of hair.”
In my life I’ve had MORE than my share of sexual partners, lovers and boyfriends all varying from pencil thin chub floss (such as yourself), to adonis like gods and even other cubs/bears/chubs. And to be REALLY honest, guys with more meat are MUCH better lovers. So saying being fat is not right is the same kind of blank ignorance that the religious sects use to say being gay isn’t right. “When did you decided to be gay? You seem so nice, why not settle down with a nice woman. I can give you a GREAT book written in the 19th century about how to beat those horrible feelings”……. See how that comes off, ignorant and small minded.
So to answer your questions, NO!
It wouldn’t be great to starve myself for the superficial attention of superficial people in the gay “community”. The greatest thing about being a person is that you’re an individual. If we were all meant to look the same, we would. I’m not one in fall in line or to follow the crowd. Never have been. I’m happy because I like to eat, I LOVE to read and I LOVE video games, writing and things that require me to be stationary. I’m fat because I have better things to do than jog, ride a bike or pay ridiculous amounts of money to a gym by people demanding I change my appearance because it makes them uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable around fat people, who are happy and proud of their bodies seems to stem from the fears and utter shame of OTHER people who can’ accept or be happy with who they are.
While I love to read, my TBR list has over 25 books on it right now. A dietary book isn’t gonna even make the cut, even if it’s free and easily accessible. So thanks for the information, but no thanks.
(Also may wanna do some research on particle/space physics, a collapsed star properly called a Neutron star has SIGNIFICANTLY less mass than it used to as a star.)
Anything else you’d like to ask or talk about? Maybe a friendlier topic that’s not so ostracizing?
End response
Now don’t get me wrong, had this been a friend or even an acquaintance that wanted to offer me a dietary book I’d be a lot more open to the idea. But being a complete stranger this really was quite a shock. Sure I’ve gotten flack for being big, blonde and beautiful but this kind of stuff is NOT COOL guys. Love yourselves and love each other. And if you’re ever feeling blue remember, someone somewhere is jerking off to a video of someone who looks just like you!
BloggerBear
Wow. The nerve of some people and nice response. I too am a slightly overweight person struggling with it and your response is actually something I needed to hear as well. I recently lost my partner of 2.5 years cause he couldn’t deal with the 20some pounds I’ve gained during our relationship and have slowly realized the emotional damage that has done to me. I’m trying to embrace myself for who I am and it’s def a struggle.
I’m often contacted just to be ridiculed for how big I am. This bearish big guy will always be fat. Sorry I have a life and people in it that are more important than what I look like to others.
Excellent response !!! I agree with every word. Unfortunately, guys like “Neil” won’t listen to what you wrote. It’s like trying to convince bible thumping homophobes that gay is not a choice. The info just stops at their ears and goes no further.
as an HIV positive man I get similar responses. I’ve even gotten ones quite close to yours – no introduction just a launch into my assumed irresponsibility, multitude of partners, etc. etc. etc. (so far I’ve been “lucky” enough for some reason to not have been labeled an I-V drug user – I guess I just don’t have that look). The meds have caused weight gain and oddly enough I haven’t yet been blessed with those comments yet – Though I crack a few on myself.
Gay men have much more to fear from other gay men than any religious bigot you’ll find. Everyone has flaws, like it or not. Incredible how someone can stand on the too of a cliff and shout accept me for me, I didn’t choose to be gay. Then tell someone, oh, I don’t like your skin color or your physique. I understand everyone has a type and its not all about personality, but why purposefully attack someone because they don’t fit the mold of what YOU think a person should be? My favorite is the “I’m just looking for friends” “please be 6’1, have a 10in dick, at least a 6pack abs, blonde hair, and blue eye”. :/
It’s interesting, I was athletic in my 20s but 6 years ago I was hit by a car. Gaining 40 pounds my body is different, even after losing 20 of it the last 20 just won’t budge. The ones that used to chase me don’t want me anymore. The only group that wants or even talks to me is the bear/cub/chaser community. But even within that community, if I don’t eat as much or grow out my body hair, they don’t acknowledge me either. I stopped trying to be with anyone 3 years ago because I got tired of the rejection or the expectations. Yes I want to be healthy, yes I want to be fit again, but if you can’t accept me during me journey and only want me at my fittest, then too bad you don’t get me at all.
Amen! Thank you for that response, but I fear it will do nothing for this individual who looks ONLY at physical beauty. I often fear this new generation of homosexuals are going to (if they havent already) destroy our community. I also fear, that we (the currrent generation of 30 somethings and 40 somethings) arent to blame. Through our struggles for freedoms and equalities, have we created a generation of ungrateful homosexuals who feel this undeserved sense of entitlement. Now, please do not misunderstand, I do not wish to demean or lessen our accomplishments. The strides our community has made far surpassed any expectation I had in my youth, but at what cost? The way the younger homosexuals treat their older counterparts disgust me. I am 43 years of age and due to this younger generation feel 100. I am no Adonis and am treated like the crypt keeper. I live in New York City, and as each year goes by, the less and less I feel the desire to participate in our communities events such as Pride. I dare say I am NOT proud of where it appears the attitude of our community seems to be heading and I shake my head because I, in part, feel responsible. We created this generation of fags (for lack of better term) who turned our light hearted campiness into down right bitchiness. Thank you for listening to my rant and I pray your words (as you can see I am also in no way shape or form a writer) will reach and reshape our community as we originally intended it to be.
I can’t say I’m slightly overweight–I’m certainly overweight. No, I don’t like it and I really don’t like the judgments of other gay men but I have come to accept it. I believe most men, gay, straight and bi, being the visual creatures they are, make a snap decision on potential sex partners in a second and build is a significant factor.
It’s so bad that many men will shave off a pound or two–or 20–in their profiles online just to catch a guy’s eye. I don’t do that because it’s tough to have the first words he says upon meeting “You do not look like your photo” or “You are NOT 200 lbs.”
Not all beautiful people mean to be mean. It’s just that so many of them are.
Ron
Damn, some people are rude as fuck. Not cute
I read these blogs, but never reply cause, well, to be frank, I have no desire to. This blog, however, touched a nerve. A was fat, then times, now I’m in between. Throughout those different appearances, and even now, the attention I get from guys has only changed insignificantly. When I was toned, I got a lot of guys that wanted to just hook up – worship my body if you will. Now, and when I was fat, I still meet very attractive guys, but their intentions are different. Most want to know me and not just my body. I’m happy you replied the way you did and that you have a voice for us that don’t live in the gym (not saying there’s anything wrong with that). Anyways, great response, great blog, and is love to see what your Hungarian self looks like. 😉
Ok first off, if anyone sits there and says that the first thing that attracts you to a guy isN’T something physical, than you full of BS!!! IF THAT STATEMENT ISN’T TRUE, THAN A4A WOULDN’T BE HAVING POST PICS OF YOU.. Now the problem with being fat is alot more than just “physical” appearance. With being fat comes alot of health issues from high blood pressure to diabetes to stroke or heart attack. I know this may sound a bit shallow but i personally don’t have the time to be worrying about a guy who has health issues due to his weight. I also am tired of hearing the lame excuses of why they’re are fat. Everything from a supposedly thyroid problem to genetics and then some.. I have many former fat friends (former because they lost and kept the weight off) who took it in their hands to be healthy.. Not saying they have a 6 pack but they slim down quite a bit. To me being fat is an excuse.. You choose to be lazy, not be active, eat junk food, and not deal with your problems correctly(yes i know it sounds shallow), but the good thing about me is this… All my friends thanked me for being upfront and kicking their ass to lose the weight… I told them to do first and foremost for themselves. At first they were complaining about how it hurts and how sore they are, but as the weight came off, their confindence went up, health issues disappear to non existence. Funny thing was how the guys they were interested wouldn’t talk to them when they were fat but now wanna holla at them.. Great ego boost for my friends cause they doing the rejection now.. No one really wants a guy who doesn’t take care of themselves and lets face it as much we say we just looking for sex, we want a partner who can grow old with us and not die of something that could easily be prevented by slimming down a few lbs… Yall say fat shaming i call it health issues/problems… I probably be the only one to say this but a fat person does not make “PEDRO” come stand to the position of attention… Each their own but its not my cup of tea. Oh one last thing, us skinny people also get the same shaming as fat people do… Goes both ways…
YES!!!!!
I hate when they make us feel that we are good enough to give head when their “option A” isn’t available…but never good enough to BE “option A”. It sucks!!!!
to Jason::
In response, I am so sorry that you lost your partner like that, I lost my partner of 11 yrs due to the same reason, but, I was the one who wasn’t comfortable with his weight gain. I thank god we stayed friends now for over 20 yrs. I still have guilt over that because i lost sight of the man I fell in love with, it will get better. Different people have different bodies, but, to approach a stranger and offer dieting advice is more than rude and if you’re going to be “fabulous” with something, please make sure you are.
How can gays (men and women) scream equal rights when we are more than willing to not give the same to people in our own community?? Humm, Just a thought
I’m sick of people trying to change who I am or what I look like. Yes I’m overweight but I don’t judge anyone else. I recently was in a major car accident that left me immobile for 10 months, consequently I gained 35 lbs. I’ve had many people call me obese when they go to the gym 8 hours a day 7 days a week. Let’s get rid of the dam labels and get to know someone before we judge based on looks.
Stick me on the pyre for advocating for the devil.
I don’t suppose you’ve had an ear to the ground on the internet fat-shaming movement that happened or Reddit earlier this year. Much of the points/counterpoints they discuss in said movement address much of what you seem to be pointing at here.
My interpretation of this whole thing is simply: Fat shaming is an effective tool to bring to the table the awkward issue of obesity. However, like all tools, it must be used in moderation.
The rationale behind the fat-shaming movement is a counter-enabling (and thus a stabilizer) to the love-all-shapes-and-sizes movement. Both have merits and drawbacks that the other counters.
I am a full advocate for both the fat-shaming and love-shapes/sizes movements because of the beauty at which they balance each other out.
TL:DR
It IS okay to not conform to the standard body image. It IS NOT okay to deviate so far as for it to be a threat to your health.
Please drop the face book, Twitter shit on the side of the screen. It makes it difficult to read the article.
Even though I’ve been overweight my entire life, it never ceases to amaze me about how rude and obnoxious some people can be. I can honestly say that I still have my high school figure! LOL And like BloggerBear, I’ve had more than my fair share of lovers over the years, of all different shapes/sizes/ethnicities and agree that the bigger fellows far outrank the slimmer ones in the quality of lovers that they were.
hahaha…awesome post. You rock!
Hell im 300lb and i look great for my build.
There is always an excuse to be fat, overweight, whatever. There is usually only 1 reason. LAZY. For my whole life I’ve gotten up early to do my workout before work. Eaten right, which isn’t always easy. I could be a lazy slob, but I choose not too. Stop blaming everything and everyone else. Take responsibility. Not..”I’m trying”, or ” I’m gonna”, but, I am doing, I will, I want too. Make it happen. Take control. Take responsibility. Jeez people.
Assuming there is only one BloggerBear on this site, I don’t know why that guy would even bring it up in the first place. I would not consider you fat. I am 6′ and 250 so I guess I am as well. I have lost weight over the last two years, but did not do it for nobody but myself. I think you are fine just the way your are.
Fat or even chubby shaming is so hurtful and unnecessary. I’m 38, bald, and 20lbs over weight. Living in a college town I get side eyes and sneers from twinks and gym rats alike. dont judge me by my waist size and I’ll try not to judge by an obviously small…emotional I.Q. I just wish I could see them when they are my age and see karma bite them in the ass, and watch them struggle with the same things they find so “distasteful” in others. Guess what kids? You won’t be 22 and hard bodied forever.
i am a product of “fat-shaming” in the gay community. i used to weigh 320lbs. now i am 150lbs. i starved myself, worked myself at the gym everyday and seems like still not enough. my family convinced me to see a psychologist but never did diagnosed with any psyche issues. im shameful that i let myself go through what i thought is accepted… its very sad that everyday we try to convince other people to accept us as gays and yet amongst ourselves, we limit our perceptions of what is acceptable.. i understand, physical attraction is important, however this should not be the primary reason of having connections..
“Fat-shaming,” “Bi-shaming,” “Clothes-shaming,” “Friends-shaming,” you name it. I’m pretty sure that these sins are why the übergay men’s community is so damned irritatingly PC about everything else…overcompensation. I get “bi-shamed” all the time, but I have a quick retort for it…a knuckle sandwich! I’m the “B” in the LSGBQIWXYZWhatthefuckever mess…GET USED TO IT. Oh, and as far as labels go? I’m bisexual…I’m good with that. You’re homosexual. I’m good with that, too. Even the very term from the ’70s, “gay,” stands for a lot that I don’t care for anymore. Labels like that are for those who aren’t comfy in their own goddamned skin to apply to others. To hell with that…you are who you are. Live it to the fullest and leave the labels for soup cans.
Fat people might be able to loose weight.
But ignorant assholes like Neil, Walter and James never change. 🙁
I can honestly say that the “GAY” community has to be one of the biggest if not the biggest hypocritical group of people on the face of this earth!!! I have always battled my weight!!! And no I didn’t overeat…lay around on the couch and do nothing but eat potato chips!!! Have had hypertension since I was 19 lost 55lbs and guess what??? Still have hypertension!!! It’s called genetics!!! I mean come on every gay I know says they were born the way they are…that they didn’t choose to be gay!!! Some overweight people don’t choose to be that way!!! If everyone would sweep around their own doorstep we all would be better off!!! And while we are on the “bashing” topic is there anyone else that can’t stand a flaming twinkish QUEEN??? I mean why don’t you do something about it??? Join the Jenner movement and do something about being that Gurl that you are so desperately trying to be!!! Stepping off the soap box!!!
wtf, does anyone use spell check before hitting send? trying to get through these comments is tiresome.
I can’t decide whether “Bearbuck” is being sarcastic, or trying to be funny, or is totally without a sense of irony. After spending a paragraph lamenting how judgmental gay people are about weight (and if you’ve had non-gay overweight friends, you’d know it’s a universal and not a specifically gay thing to be fat-shamed), then he turns around and lashes out his judgments at “twinkish queens”? Pot, meet kettle.
I am so happy to have read this today… not just the post itself, but to have read the responses both “for” and “against” the whole idea of “fat shaming” because I was very interested to see other gay men speak about this. As a 30 year old man who is black and a bit overweight, and who is (of course) gay, I wanted to know exactly how gay men would respond to this. I’ve taken steps to get my own health under control and I am happy for that, but that does not take away from my understanding of one monumental truth: The world of gay men is quite possibly the most hateful and judgmental world of them all, even worse than the world of straight women. To be honest, this is the hardest part of my accepting my own sexuality, because I don’t like the idea of being amongst a group that, while fighting for our own rights to exist out loud as a people, we spend the remainder of our time making the each other feel like outcasts. Many of you will know exactly what I’m talking about, but for those you that dont… its probably you. I am talking about going on sites (I’m a member of many different gay dating sites) seeing plenty of things like “no fats, no fems, no blacks, no mexicans” ALL OVER THE PLACE. This is the reason why the world has such a fake and forced respect towards gay men… because we prove on a daily basis that we are just what everyone thinks we are: simply concerned with fucking all the time, and the perfect fuck partner with no real desire to find love and settle down. This is why, men, we are viewed as promiscuous. Am I a person who can recognize a hot guy and find him very attractive off the top? Sure! I know a hot body when I see one. Do I think that because a guy has a hot body he is even relatively worth dating, has any substance to him, or even has an interest in anything that is not himself? Absolutely not. Am I against the idea of an overweight partner or a partner of another race than myself? Absolutely not. Why? Because A) I am not looking to just “FUCK” i am looking for substance in a partner and B) I have found men all of shapes/sizes/races/backgrounds attractive. In my opinion, just as it is easy for a person who is not overweight to say an overweight person is just making excuses, i think making statements about “health issues” are also just a judgmental person’s excuses for being prejudiced towards those with bodies that are different than theirs. Please remember that there are many people who are actually attracted to overweight people. What do you think chasers are? Also, before I get judged for what I have said here, I would point out that I am typically hit on by both slimmer guys and bigger guys. I like to consider my opinion, then, non biased.
@ James & Walter: Fat does not always equal lazy, nor does it always equal overindulgent pig. It does in a lot of cases but some people just can’t get rid if all of it. 6 years ago I was pushing 300lbs. I hated the way I looked, and I knew I wasn’t attractive to anyone but other really fat guys – who I was not attracted to. I did start eating right and exercising, cut out things like regular soda and candy, and while it’s not a “radical” weight loss when you average it by years, I’m down to 235. I’d call it “respectable” considering my starting point. However for the past 6 months or so I’ve plateaued and can’t seem to drop any more, despite further decreasing calories and increasing exercise. So while yes I still need to drop another 30-40lbs, it’s not there for lack of trying, overeating, or laziness.
I’m sorry, I stopped reading after the second sentence of Neil’s little rant. Once I saw the words “conceited” and “fabulous”, I was done with Neil. My body isn’t perfect. I have several scars, a crooked nose, a bit of a belly…ect. but that’s what makes me…oh I don’t know, me. The difference between someone like this Neil and me is, I’m perfectly comfortable with my body, my looks, and who I am inside. Neil in the other hand seems to have to hide behind his “fabulousness” so no one will see his true self. I was once Neil, then I grew up, became my own person and accepted that my so-called fabulousness wasn’t all that after all. No matter how stuck on myself I was, I was still just another guy in a sea of men, all sorts, sizes and appearances. Hopefully Neil gets knocked off his pedestal one day and finds his true self on the ground with the rest of the world.
Thank you, Bearbuck…but “they” just don’t “get it.”
I’ve been slender my whole life and now at 49 I stay that way because I like to workout mostly doing cardio and swimming. But the main reason I’m slender is genetics and the main reason some people are not slender is not that they are lazy, it’s genetics. And over the years I’ve watched a lot of hot gay guys who had it God given turn fat. So my suggestion to my fellow gay men is be nice on your way up in life because we all come down.
We all have been in that situation, where I live is kinda big gay community but all the things you see guys posting & saying is about been 24/7 at the gym, some people like me and like many others we can’t lose weight as fast as other people, sometimes we struggle with health issues and we can’t lose 20lb in two months like other guys, but we know how to love our selves and with a few extra pounds we are happy and we don’t care about what other gay guys think
ITT: Things that totally happened.
This shit is a non issue. I’m fat and dealt with criticism growing up from others and internalized a lot of it. I thought I’d never find a boyfriend being overweight but I was wrong. If people need to take time out of their day to put you down for weighing more they obviously don’t have a hell of a whole lot going for them to begin with. This petty shame culture people are becoming obsessed with and calling out is fucking lame and I’m sick to death of hearing about it. Whiny bitches I.E. feminists create these buzzwords and sell them to the media and create false awareness/hash tag activism for them but that never gets anything done. If you really can’t take criticism from complete strangers for what it is you have no business on the internet. This is on par with “manspreading”, seriously.
Some people just can’t feel good unless they’re making others feel bad. Fuck ’em.
I’ve been relatively obese since i was a teenager.
Have been “fat shamed” and or blatantly harassed by
both same sex oriented folks and straight folks.
From my personal experience, i have gotten the
“You have a nice face, shame you can’t lose that weight”
speech so many times from both men and women i lost count.
Sad to say,
The ” gay ” community, particularly the male side are
EXTREMELY critical when it comes to body weight, looks,
etc.I found out early on in my 20’s that just because i
was around other same sex oriented men, in NO WAY could
i let my guard down and just be comfortable around them.
I had to double up on my mental armor due to the fact
that i (sadly) wasn’t given the genes to have an effortlessly
muscular body like a lot of the other guys had.
Cut to present day. I am 6’1 275lbs. and am working
hard at the gym and have gone full vegan to get to my
current weight and plan to lose another 70lbs.
I have found that now, no real fucks are given when
it comes to what anyone has to tell me about how they
think i should look and be.
It took me 45 years to get to this point.
Just wish i would’ve had this mindset in my youth.
Ah well….
as a bigger guy i’m still stuggling with my weight, I went from 257 lbs with a HOTT Latino versa lover, he never really shamed me,down to 179 lbs I looked great and felt great BUT I was so hungry all the time, I was off work during that time I dropped 40 lbs in 3 months by going to the gym 5 days a week, then went back to work brown bagging lunches and going to the gym 1-3 days a week slowly got down to 179 then my hot lover moved on and thing got busy now going to the gym 1 time a week slowly put the lbs back on now holding at 195-208, and now the overtime is done planning on getting back in the gym more to get back down to 179 and want to keep my weight there, I’ve been doing pretty good doing the daddy thing so some hot young guys but that’s all I will ever be them they don’t see me as possible long term thing because i’m not a SUGAR DADDY i’m a blue collar guy. the worse time of year is coming up to try and take the weight off but I want to get the abs showing again and the looks I was getting at the gym,and the sexual prowess that showed some young guys that DADDY can still BRING IT, being in a college town “AMES Iowa” there is plenty of young guys that want the experience that a guy my age has. So my take is do what you gotta do to make your self happy and healthy and if you want to change do it if not don’t. But don’t bitch if your not getting enough action. Guys just be yourselves and live and let live and don’t be rude it can come back to bite you in the ass.DDDD
I was actually able to find this blog! Awesome! I am the infamous Neil, who this blog is about. Hello people. This “entry” is the beginning snippet of my small talk with our dear blogger. It attempts to portray me as a villain, but there was MUCH more to our conversation. But I’m not going to try to save face. I could, but I want to address… everyone here. I was reading the comments. I will address each one, and that will be MY response to this.
But before I begin, I want to say that I’m an optimist, and I used to weigh 223, seriously. I got myself down to 163, my normal weight, by learning from the diet book that I made mention of in my introduction, “Mucusless Diet Healing System” by Arnold Ehret. It is a miracle of a book, and it shows people who “so-called” healthy food (like expensive Organic food) isn’t always helpful. See, if you knew me in person, I am friendly, and I like to talk with my friends about what’s going on in their lives. He has personality, and said he likes his men smart and mouthy. I was excited to show off, so I looked into what… what area could I be relevant to this fellow, what’s my conversation starter… Aha! I know, I’ll mention that book I used to lose weight.
See? I’m not so bad, not at all. My friends, heh, the ones who are close to me, always know that I like to contribute helpful ideas, and not waste their time with selfish idle chit-chat for its own sake (or to like, amuse myself at the expense of their wasted time and I guess my own, sort of) so I .. yeah. Anyway, what’s his name, Drake, didn’t like what I said. Okay, so I said the word “fat,” uh, right? Well so what? I can do that. I was fat myself. Hell… I could help anyone lose weight, and if you have read this comment thus far, you know the book to look for. You can find it online as a PDF for free. The link is out there.
I want to address all the comments, but… I’ve written a lot already, and… there’s probably a character limit here… haha, but you guys, wow, lotta hate out there! Next time, consider… delving into the details before making such harsh judgments? About someone you don’t even know… because you’re not … taking care of yourselves? There is nothing wrong with considering “How can I unearth my greatest physical potential? WHAT is it EXACTLY that prevents me from being “actually” awesome? See guys, I’ve been on both sides of the fence here. If anyone ever said I was fat in the past, I said, “yeah, you’re right.” Actually, it was my best friend Thomas who told me to stop complaining about it to him.. that people were picking on ME about it, and that I should do something to change it. I … I did. It took a year, but I .. I changed my life! And you can do it too. See, it’s not like I was actually doing anything hostile or negative, this fellow has taken what I said and twisted it for his own egotistical purpose, which has something to do with a superiority complex, and he was REALLY nasty to me in our conversation, if you guys saw it, you’d know. Haha! But hey.. It was interesting to see how … many of you hate acknowledging a negative part of yourselves? You weren’t born fat. It’s a bad thing. It’s obvious. I was trying to show him what I learned as a gift, an opening to a new friendship, but he turned it down! Boy did he! I could post a blog showing you guys what he said, but I dunno… Does everybody here hate me? He wasn’t even interested in what I had to say. I actually felt the need to block him. I’ve never done that to ANYONE. … Ever. But he was so pissed at me, and now I see the blog. I wanted him to post the whole conversation, but of course he didn’t.
Jason, I sympathize with you, but your partner was probably frustrated. Embracing encumbrances because you… failed to get rid of the fat is no real reason to hate him, because it’s a personal failure on your part. Take responsibility. Then, with the right method, you could … become a person who loves himself, who won’t be damaged by someone else’s assessment of what you are. Sometimes the truth hurts. Deal with it, and always strive to better yourself, for love’s sake and so you can have more fun. Yeah!
Kinkypigbtm: O_o; OMFG, really? But there is such a thing as morbid curiosity… I admit, the other night, there was this guy that was like 300 pounds… I wanted to meet him just to see what he looked like naked, in person. I would have been nice to him, but my motive was a little filthy, heh, I’m not perfect, hahah! But seriously… Um… Uh.. That sucks, but try and look at it from their point of view, it’s like seeing something… different. A spectacle! If you don’t want to be a “spectacle” you have to work hard and not be one. Or else you might get curious cases…
Wsporter, gay IS a choice! One I make VERY happily! Ah… It’s like being a vegetarian. Or not. I don’t know why so many people (like bible thumpers or whatever) have issues. W/e though, right? Clearly those people are not our friends.
Kap, I feel very sorry for you. Meds DO cause weight gain, and it’s unfair. I could be you. It sucks. I’m sorry. And I have no advice… I can’t do anything, but maybe you should read the book I mentioned anyway, it could be relevant.
Matt’s got a point. Even I get treated harshly.
Eee… Read the book I mentioned, it WILL help you! You’re the best one to benefit from the knowledge in the Mucusless Diet Healing System! Tough break, by the way… We can be friends if you like.. But I’m a little worried.. The guy who wrote this did it when I was reaching out to him.. I’m glad he did now, because there are a lot of interesting people out here, and this is a chance to meet some of you.
Peter, we don’t control other people or their standards and desires. You aren’t in a correct position to determine what a generation of people who look better than you should do. Also, you know… The children determine the future of any movement, take this country as a prime example. But yeah, I guess Pride is now Adonis Fest. If they don’t like you, it sucks, true. It’s not nice. But there are differences between people that even being gay can’t bridge on its own. There isn’t exactly world peace in our era today either… Profound hatred exists. It’s something we contend with……
Ron, I like you. My friend Caleb talks like you. I could actually have a conversation with you, you even reminded me of how people, being animals, visually select what suits them according to instinct. I forgot that. I get caught up in the idea of how sophisticated people are supposed to be. Even the blogger was an aggravated animal. 😉
Eli, you’re stupid.
Dee, hmm.. Heh, you seem more experience in life than me. Cool. I have nothing bad to say at all. Very interesting. Yeah, it’s true… Sometimes when you don’t look good, you can meet people who want to know you for who you are.. Not just for sex. It’s almost easier sometimes that way, but I find it less personally satisfying… …… the book I made mention of can help you to have a fitter body that stays that way, if you want it.
Amen, Walter. You have a lot of passion. You’re rougher than I am, and I like that. I wonder what Zodiac Sign you are? I’m Pisces. Anyway, the fact you wrote shows you care, so thanks. But yeah… We don’t wanna waste time on people who argue with us for trying to be helpful, we don’t have the time to waste on ingrates, there are better people out there who are worth our time. But it’s cool.. We have an interest in people in general, if only they didn’t hate us, and yeah, seriously, yeah… Healthy and sexy is better. I guess that’s really the truth…
Shy Guy, maybe you ought to shy away from guys like that…
Richard: … The word “rude” shouldn’t be used as a barrier to progress. Everyone was a stranger at one point, and we all speak in our own timing. We all have our own views too. I like mine. … You seem very mature. It’s a pity you may not like me. I like how you were talking to Jason.. Truth be told.. it’s hard losing someone you love for any reason.
Dean, you’ve got a right to be angry. Just having survived that is plenty.. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone, but they are harsh, aren’t they? Perhaps knowing the info in the book I mentioned could improve your life a little, maybe. I don’t know. I can’t know that. Good luck.
Mike? You seem to have a balanced view of everything. Very moderate. I look up to guys like you. If I had the chance, I’d want to go out with you. I lack the support of someone who thinks like you do. I feel so alone.
William, I’m glad I’m doing this on a laptop. It looks cute on the left side of the screen, not blocking anything in my case, on my laptop. Phew, if it was a phone, omfg, I’d hate it.
Jeff should go out with Bloggerbear, lol And you know what? I have a different opinion! My Kevin is the most beautiful, and he is toned, skinny… It’s just an opinion, but you know, I can never be like him. Ah… Fat is gross. Unless you have a big frame or something, it’s jiggly and nasty.
Chris! C’mon now, you know my writing is better..
Robert, that’s cool.. If it’s true. I believe it probably is. I have a friend who looks like Tazz, and he’s actually good looking. and heavy, it’s possible.
James, you’re who I want to be in a year from now. I think you probably have the most in common with me, and I like it.
DoggyDad, I did it as a conversation piece. I thought of him as a writer, and I was looking forward to a talk with him because his profile made him look cool. I thoughtlessly picked a volatile subject, oops. But you know, he had a lot of chances to not be so offended by what I said, but whatev.
P.S. 250 is up there, just sayin’
P.A. is very “politically-correct” in a college town.. That is not very surprising, is it? Hmm… I agree with you that people should be nicer. These things can happen to anybody.
J… I’m moved. Listen, the harsh judgments of these people is why we try so hard to fit in. … Connections between people ought to be better, so people like P.A. could be part of something too. I’m very… very … I don’t even know the word, I can’t believe what you’ve been through, and I think you’re a winner. Hey, read my book I keep going on and on about, if you’ve come this far, you’ll like that book. It will make living your life more enjoyable, I think. By the way, out of all the people here, you’re special. I’m actually slightly in awe of you over here.
Don’t mess with MistrFistr. And yeah, labels are retarded.
BJ, you suck. I’m cool, Walter is hot, and James is a boss!
Bearbuck, potato chips are The Devil. I actually got fat off them once, and yeah… Hypertension? That’s not surprising at all. Enlighten yourself with the Mucusless Diet Healing System, written by Arnold Ehret, a fabulous and great teacher!
@Walter People get a set of 23 in the genetic lottery, and sometimes the set comes with a “chubby” metabolism or hypertension or endocrine issues which limit the possibilities of physique. However, for probably the majority of people the issue is of the elbow-bending variety where moderation is not the norm. For the past few years I’ve attended the minimed lecture series put on by one of the nation’s top medical schools as a public service. At least one of the lectures each year has addressed the latest research on the health consequences of even modest overweightness to persons who do not otherwise have any underlying medical condition. The deleterious health consequences of excess weight are quite severe, affecting all matters of health of various body parts and systems. Quite apart from any sexual attractiveness issues, excess weight carries a health price, a price of which many are simply not aware. The minimed lectures are available online as podcasts, by the way, and are pretty much as addictive as can be YouTube, such interesting topics being covered.
Whoa… The moderator wont allow me to comment. I’m not a bad guy, my view deserves the light of day. I individually addressed each person here. Everyone would want to read what I had to say. It adds value to this blog in every way.
Sadly, well, alright lets go this way, i’m 42, 5’7, 240. Yes I am fat. Hahahaha. I’m also not happy. I started a gym routine 4 weeks ago. It’ll take some time to see results. Some people are naturally large. I am one of them. I will never see 150lbs, save that of being a rack of bones. Oddly enough, about 5 years ago, I was down to about 15% bodyfat, and had good muscle. The only thing it really helped with is hook ups. The problem with fags, is they don’t see past packaging. I’m more than a dick and a hole or a nice set of pecs. I am not particularly attracted to “chubs” on a sexual level, but that also doesn’t mean I run around calling them names or preaching diet & weight loss tips. Who am I to say what’s right for another person. Most people can barely figure out what’s right for themselves, let alone anyone else. The only thing I *might* suggest is if they are HEALTHY and HAPPY with who they are. And by happy I mean really happy. Not self deluded happy, in accepting they are fat because they always have been with a host of medical problems. There are many things in this world that revolt me. Having said that, there are many things I wouldn’t have in my bed, and so why should I care about those things. No one said I had to sleep with them. And more over in the gay world, that seems to be the crux of the matter. “Oh I wouldn’t sleep with you, your too fat”. Everything starts at that base line. Our level of attraction and interaction in the gay world, isn’t based on personality interaction and character but that of would we sleep with a person. How many “friendships” have started off in the bedroom? As a collective gay men (especially) are the most hyper-critical, narcissistic fucks. So yeah I’ll have dinners and movies and friendships with chubs, they just won’t end up in my bed, because there’s no sexual chemistry for me. And I think that’s an important distinction.
What I find most amusing about the world is simply this. When your in grade school, but more especially in highschool, you are very much encouraged to be an individual to march to your own drum, yet as an adult, everything possible is done such that you follow the pack. Society as a whole doesn’t really want individuality, it wants compliant zombie.
Fat shaming actually made me fatter. I have rapid-shifting bipolar combined with stress eating. Peoples judgements of my weight sent me straight to the fridge to fill that hole or ease that pain. It wasnt until I found som ER one that loved me exactly how I am that Im finally losing the weight. The hole in myself I tried unsuccessfully to fill with food was finally filled up with uncond itional love and support. Fat shaming is NEVER the answer.
I’m very scared to hear anyone speaking to or with another in this manner. I become silent. I begin looking for an exit. This is not from fear; rather, I desire not to feed someone’s ill-anger.
I have been only verbally attacked in my lifetime–one time was especially narrow and simply mean. Fight or flight. Through the years, I’ve learned inner-techniques to be smart about how I hear or react
I’m very scared to hear anyone speaking to or with another in this manner. I become silent. I begin looking for an exit. This is not from fear; rather, I desire not to feed someone’s ill-anger.
I have been only verbally attacked in my lifetime–one time was especially narrow and simply mean. Fight or flight. Through the years, I’ve learned inner-techniques to be smart about how I hear or react to junk.
Anyway for many years now, new life-saving meds have much improved my way of living. Nonetheless, they promote weight-gain. I am doing very well with my health today and am very proud of my commitment to the on-going treatment for my health.
On the note of these meds, they are for a general health concern that is not uncommon in both sides of my family tree. To not go unacknowledged, one preceding relative stopped her med regimen for fear of her spouse leaving her–as she kept her medical problem secret from him. I will not forget that her prior spouse left her due to her health problem.
Shame.
What about Black shaming?
All you racists white people and Hispanic guys do. But want to make a damn post about something that’s not as serious. The gay community is full of racists superficial asses
Im chubby and i love it my husband loves it healt problems bull shit enough thin people getting heart attacks jeez accept every one like he is. And olso accept that maybe just maybe u are just not his type like for me i would never never fuck with a skinny semi anorexia man who is from 6 am till 6 pm in the gym and who spent more hours infront of a mirrow then all my little sisters together. Sorry for the english my native tongue is hebrew
What a great response. I get the fat comments on line, at work, well pretty much anywhere. Like most I tried to lose weight, then one year I was Santa Claus at a autism center. My life changed. Why sex is a part of everyone’s life it is not my life. Being this size and playing Santa for various special needs, senior communities, and schools is the highlight of my year. So yeah i am fat. Let’s see one of these skinny pompous bastards pull off a skinny Santa. Not happening.
I can’t believe how rude people can be and am a firm believer in treat others as you want to be treated but their are some that dish it out and when you treat them the same way they get offended or upset. I personally an not over weight and not really attracted to over weight men but I am not rude to them and I do go beyond the physical appearance and try to get to know the person, I would be friends with anyone over weight or not but may not be attracted to them sexually but will not be rude to them. I guess it is no different for me as I get rude comments from guys because I am in my mid 50’s even when they are the one’s contacting me
A lot of bitter older guys commenting here. Lets face it we all age but you can choose to age well or be a mess. If you don’t like being looked at like that by those guys, then do something about your appearance!
Its not that hard to understand. Its not about someone not wanting to accept you for who you are, you’re just not hot to them, so you don’t get that chance.
Unfortunately, your outside isn’t going to bring more people in to get to know the inside if your not doing some upkeep outside.
I find that its a pretty weak argument to say that people should just learn to deal with this when its just as changeable as quitting smoking or drinking. We need to strive to be better people, so stop blaming others for your unhappiness, stop trying to play the word police game with people who frankly could probably care less about being cussed out for this stuff, and do something about it besides complaining about how you feel self-conscious.
As a naturally thin person, with very big relatives, i can say that those of u who think being fat is always a matter of being ‘lazy’ r just plain wrong. Some people just have bigger body types, it doesnt necessarily mean theyre lazy or eat like pigs. My brother is heavy, n he really doesnt eat much more than me. And i cannot keep weight on, n matter how much i eat.
Having said that i think heavy people need tbh about their weight on sites like this…if a guy isnt into heavy dudes, thats his preference. I met guys who clearly lied on their profiles. Then im put in the very sad position of hurting someones feelings when i dont want to hookup…it makes u feel like shit to reject someone because of their weight, but if ur not into that body type, what else r u supose to do? Ive gotten very depressed after encounters like that because nobody wants to hurt someones feelings…so honesty is the best policy.
Good post to say the least. Sad that there are people like him (and in the comment section) who feel like its an obligation to slam someone based solely on their size.
I get it, we all have our preference, I tend to go for bigger guys like myself. But unless it was directly asked where do you feel comfortable telling someone how they should live their life?
I guess its also in the way you present yourself. I am a big guy, have been all my life. Bad eating habits that carried over into adulthood is my only excuse but don’t care how that makes anyone feel. Surprisingly I’ve never gotten a message from anyone shaming me for my size, havr gotten the polite not my type messages or just outright ignores but thats the norm. Most of the guys who message me are usually the skinny or muscular type, maybe its because I’m fairly well endowed for being as big as I am don’t really know. Too bad they don’t turn me on lol.
Either way, it starts with loving yourself. When you’re comfortable in your skin it shows and people respond to that. Negativity will manifest itself in those no matter how you look. Don’t cater to those people. You’ll find someone who meets your standards or even exceeds them if you’re comfortable with yourself.
I am a man of size. Trying to lose some weight due to diabetes. I love being bigger. I was recently fat shamed here in a4a by someone who went out if their way. I’d never seen their ad or spoken to them. After telling me how gross I am blocked me so I couldn’t even respond. Love yourself
Unfortunately sadly you’re are judged in the gay world by how you look what kind of job you have kind of car etc. You only a shelf life of about 30yrs. After that as you get closer to 40 you are expected to kill yourself. How many friends how much love could you have but no. And it’s amazing how young gay men believe that they will always be that way. How arrogant they are. Won’t speak or even acknowledge me because I’m 58. And people say I look like im in my 30s. Karma is a bitch. What goes around comes around. I didn’t act like that when I was in my 20s. I loved older guys.
Funny. I had a random person try and shame me on a4a. Didn’t even know the guy he just told me i was fat and disgusting. I personally laughed and responded back with you must have been turned down by someone you thought you were better than. Get a life. Cause i still get plenty over here…he blocked me soon after then deleted his account.. I don’t know what’s wrong with people.
Stop and get to know the person on the inside first and you might find someone really wonderful! Its not the size of the dick that makes the man, its the man inside who really is the one that is attractive or not.
Just try to explain to a guy that is 20 or more pounds overweight why you’re not attracted to him. You’ll quickly be made to feel like you’ve pushed an old lady down an escalator. The reality is, the men who take care of themselves physically, and use sites like A4A, are few and far between. (Specifically in the over 25 age group). Stay in shape because you want that part of the interaction that is about physicality to be enjoyable. Health issues aren’t as big a subject as ageism in this community either. A fat 20 something with buck teeth and big ears will hit you up and work you hard, until he finds out your over 30. A fit guy from the neck down who looks like Moses from the neck down will have a melt down on you as well. So stop whining already…everyone experiences some sort of discrimination in shallow gay land.
I found it entirely refreshing to see that the subject of the blog post, Neil, actually took the time to respond to many posts with his own viewpoints. That has elevated the usually brainless quality found on these blogs to a higher plane for me.
@BJ: Just remember the immortal words of Judge Judy:
“Beauty fades….but DUMB is FOREVAH!”
I get that too. Random messages from ppl calling me gross fat and disgusting. They really have that much time in life? Jobless maybe or so insecure with themselves they need to bash another? On the street or in a club they wouldn’t dare try that bc they are all little scared pussies
I think the biggest issue here is big guys going out of there way to only date or play with thin/muscular guys. The whole chub/chaser scene just confuses me. I’m a big guy ans I get turned down by more big guys than thin guys most of the time.
Sad fact but most thin athletic gays a pretty damn vain. All these chubby guys posting pathetic lines in their profiles like “big but losing” just makes it seem like they’re pandering to these guys when they’re not gonna be interested even if you lost the weight.
Why is it that you want thin guys to accept you but you won’t even accept guys your own size? Is it just self hate? I would think being with a thin guy would just make you feel even worse about yourself. There’s someone out there for everyone regardless so just learn to love yourself and shit like this won’t matter.
I find this topic interesting, but why stop at fat shaming? I was raised by people who said to compliment someone when you can and that everyone has positive features about them, but this is definitely not taught to mist Gay people. Maybe because so many Gay people get judged by others, we think it is ok to do it to our own kind, but I have never met a “group” taken collectively that are consistently rude and superficial. If you smile at someone or compliment someone on their pic or something in their profile, you get insulted or ignored – I am starting to prefer being ignored. I tell anyone that if you want to wreck any self-esteem you may have then post a profile with pics on it on and Gay site – that will do it.
I’m overweight. Yeah, I wish that I was thinner. I actually have no problem with people being turned off by my belly. However, the message cited was unsolicited, and from a stranger. Don’t say anything online to someone that you wouldn’t say to their face!
Fat shaming has nothing to do with being gay. People do it, or not, regardless of sexual orientation.
I’ve had plenty of guys approach me because I weigh more than they do. Just like I’ve had plenty of guys who are much younger than me. When I approach a guy, his size/looks/age/etc. don’t matter either; I look at the text he’s put in his profile and take it from there.
One of my tremendously great buds is heavy. He’s a phenomenal guy who’s a ton (pun intended) of fun “on the workbench” while also being a great gentleman and father. I’d take him anyday over an arrogant “picture perfect” ass.
There’s also a bud who’s seriously younger (and lighter and less furry than me and more “in shape” than me) and smoking hot. He’s “all over” guys who are older and larger because they don’t come with stupidly over-sized heads (egos)” in his words.
I had a guy come over and take one look at me and say ‘oh no this is not going to work. You are so not my type’ He apparently couldn’t tell that by my picture.
Props to Alex, and thanks MistrFistr, I was trying to add to the value of this blog more than just defending myself or saving face, and I really liked reading all the comments. I’d extend a hand of friendship to the majority of you, if there was a way to connect here. There’s no link to our a4a pages, but I can tell you who I am on there, I’m Browneyesboy09, and I do karate, and… you can find me and friend me there if you want to talk more or whatever, I’m up for everything and anything these days. I’m in a really good mood. I seriously thought my comment was being blocked by the guy who wrote the blog. (It just needed approval and I wrote it at like 2 in the morning, lol)
I see more comments to talk to! They weren’t there before! I’ll pick a few, hehe!!
Jim, interesting. Medical stuff doesn’t always take in the whole picture, leaving out the info in the book I mention. But I appreciate your interest in good medical. I may look at the series you mentioned.
Bootz, you’re honest and fair, smart and social too. Better than me in a way. You’re kind of like my friend Thomas.
Herbert… Poo. Listen, I know how hard it can be, but… Well, I’m lucky you could find someone who loves you and helped sustain your morale against criticism and failure. But realize, it’s okay to talk about being fat. It doesn’t have to be a negative subject. But yeah, people can be mean! Strength is needed to overcome that kind of thing. We deal with it everyday after all… Society is what it is…
Ryan, you’re very sensitive, deep and delicate inside. I’ve always liked that, but fear can make the world seem more hostile than it is as a whole. You have been hurt too much. I wonder if you’re Pisces, like me? You’re so nice…..
Manny’s right. But that’s a big problem, like Police Abuse. This is going to make me sound evil, but I’m glad I wasn’t born black. I’ve had enough problems in my life. See, Manny is actually RIGHT about that. Black people get a lotta shit. I actually live in Cocoa, because I like being around the more black community here. They are nicer to me, really. This is a better place to live than Melbourne.
Robbert, you’re cool. I like that. I don’t like it when guys are too skinny… either. See, you can make up for a little fat with a good personality. And… Sometimes it actually does look good. Isn’t funny for me to say that? But sometimes it does.
Wow, Amen Bubba! I don’t want a skinny santa’s lap to sit on, lol Well at least you’re social! That’s cool, the world is supposed to be a variety, and I like what you’ve got. You actually made me laugh, and no one else did that so far. (Of course I mean in a happy light-hearted way, not a sarcastic nasty one, your comment picked me up a little)
… Alex! You’re my hero. Thank you for expressing my VALUES!! I couldn’t do it like you did, soo… Thank yew! I’m your FAN now. Like srsly, I love that personality of yours. I’m not that old, so sometimes old peoples’ bitterness goes over my head, and yeah.. heheh!
Uh yeah, I totally agree with Derek about everything. You know, it’s possible to stay fat like eating nothing, and it sucks. That’s why I shared about the book I found for those of us who are unlucky and fell into the fat trap, cuz we don’t have the bodies that CAN’T store much fat to begin with. Anyway, this just goes to show the fat thing matters. It’s worth talking about and fixing later if it can be done, perhaps excluding Robbert and Bubba.
Thickbear! Too damn P/C, I can’t stand that. I’m not the most politically correct person in the world. I don’t find enough freedom in it. But you know? I’ll respect you for your views. At least you have a positive outlook on things. But, also, it’s fine to bring up anything as just something to talk about, or so I feel, it’s a difference of opinions there. I just have a very open mind, and I like to talk about everything. Sometimes I know to know to keep quiet or stop, but my life affords me enough freedom to be myself. I don’t have to worry about losing friends, and I try to be myself. It’s just the author doesn’t like me.. Apparently. I don’t know if you’d dislike me… Whatev though, right?
Steven, my old tenant/roommate Fletcher had Diabetes. You need to… read the book I mentioned, carefully. Look… Look at what it says. It was written like 100 years ago.
Wow Richard, does it really get that bad? I’m only 28.. I better look my best when I get older, shit..
Keeng, was he really shaming you, or was he just stunned? You know, maybe HE was fat! If he was hiding himself or something, I’ve heard of people who project what they hate about themselves onto others, so if he contacted you ONLY to say “You fat bitch!” maybe he has issues, why else would he do that, then delete his page? He must’ve been a loser.
Stephen, that’s true, but sometimes the person who is fat is actually nasty on the inside! I like to think that fat people are always going to be nice, but sometimes, I guess not. Boy the world is interesting.
…… Enough seems very experienced and mature. Interesting stuff. You should write more. I thought of myself as a kid sitting at a desk listening to what you said. I was interested!! Hell, I still am. Very wise, very very interesting! I like learning new things! I’m all about that, actually.
MistrFistr!! Hee hee, you’re my favorite! I’m so flattered and pleased and … you’re the reason I made another comment like this, to be honest! I hope .. others enjoy. I’m so glad you said I’ve added value to the blog! That’s exactly what I wanted to do, and I’m glad.. I’m glad everything’s happened this way. I don’t usually go on blogs, so the diverse opinion pool here is … amazing. But yeah, a little support… Eee! You have ELEVATED MY MORALE!! So your comment makes my day here! Plus you’re Dad. Haha!
Hey Malikka, don’t get me wrong… I would say this to anyone’s face. I’m no coward, I’m very spirited!
Also, Jonny.. You are like my Kevin. He’s someone I love too. I really like what you said. I’ve been raised in a way… by criticizing parents. … I had to beat them in all their criticisms to be who I am today, to not be a broken person, those bastards don’t have a nice thing to say. Part of my way of being nice is being corrective and distant, but based on what you say, it really is the positive things… that bring us together, isn’t it? I’m not taking back a thing, but … You are right. Maybe if we want to connect to each other, we should… actually look for the good in each other. To be honest, I felt that the BloggerBear guy who wrote this failed to do that with ME. I was offended by that the most. Maybe he felt in his own way that I was doing the same thing, but then again, maybe not. Forget him.
But Jonny… What a really cool thing. I think it would be a different world if we did things your way. You are very much the yin to my yang. I will take to heart what you have said here. I’m incorporating it as part of my being today. Thank you for taking a moment to drop a nice idea. Thank you.. There is a tremendously high value in you. I’m honored to have had the chance to hear something you said. I like websites like this, affording such a rare chance. I feel quite pleased now. At this time, I will actually address the writer, Blogger bear. Sincerely, thank you for writing this. I hope the end result is that peoples’ lives will be touched by this, and made better for all our comments and everything. You allowed us the chance to do this. I don’t blog, so I didn’t know, but you … You can really take a lot of satisfaction uniting people, can’t you?
When I first met my Brad, he was the perfect weight for his build and height. Just right for me.
15 years later, he put on about 75 pounds. Just right for me.
In his last 2 years of life, he was pretty scrawny. Just right for me.
In the overall scheme of things, weight is pretty irrelevant unless it becomes a health issue.
As someone who has waged war my weight all my life. I have had victories and defeats in the battle, but it has been and will a war to the bitter end. With that being said I think anyone could agree that it is one thing to offer advice when solicited by someone who is honestly looking to make a change in their life and who has the desire to hear your opinion on that subject, it is quite different to not only offer your opinion unsolicited, but to think that your critical opinion of someone else’s appearance is warranted but also valid shows how little you think of others and how highly you think of yourself.
If the author of this blog was to ask Neil about his personal thoughts about his body then he would have been completely correct to give it to him, as bluntly as he wanted to, but until it is solicited, you have every right to think it, and every right to arrive at whatever opinion you are going to hold, but have no right to vocalize it to him. Shaming someone to try to change their behavior is usually not going to make them change and usually going to make you look like an insensitive asshole.