Health : The Empowered Bottom: A New Kind Of Sexual Revolution
Until recently, condoms were the only viable option for safe sex practices among gay and bisexual men.
When it was discovered that HIV was a sexually transmitted disease, condoms became the zeitgeist of safe-sex culture. Although this tool kept many gay and bisexual men HIV-negative through the worst of the epidemic, the use of condoms to prevent HIV created, or further perpetuated, rather, an inequality among gay men in their sexual relationships. Even within the gay community, the receiving partner in intercourse was looked upon as subservient and less than. In other words…
The tops had all the power.
Sure, many gay men often identify as versatile when questioned about sexual positioning. Even so, most usually have a general proclivity to one position or the other. Generally, some people are good at topping while others make for better bottoms. Yet, when it comes to mutual respect, sexual health, and protection, tops and bottoms aren’t, or weren’t always created equally.
“I’ve definitely felt belittled for identifying as a bottom. As if being a bottom meant being something ‘less’ in our community,” said Joshua Collins, a PrEP user from Phoenix, Arizona. “I also feel like we have certain expectations of someone who identifies as a top and expect them to take control in sex. I’ve definitely felt like the top was more in control within the sexual dynamic.”
A top is physically in control of wearing a condom. A bottom can only negotiate the use of a condom. You might think that this doesn’t necessarily create an inequity. After all, a bottom can walk away from a sexual encounter just as easily as a top. But in the throes of passion when the clothes are off and there are mere inches between “everything-but,” and full-on penetration, the power is greatly weighted in favor of the top.
“As the bottom partner, my HIV status was always contingent on someone else’s decisions,” said Damon Jacobs (pictured right), founder of the popular Facebook group, PrEP Facts. “I had to rely on the top to make sure the condom was used or didn’t fall off or didn’t fall in or didn’t break or didn’t ‘magically disappear’ as condoms sometimes do.”
A gay or bisexual man who primarily tops is less at-risk for HIV infection. But this is not the inequality that condoms create. A top who engages in condomless sex isn’t held nearly as responsible as a bottom often is when it comes to safe sex, yet it is the one who must physically wear the condom in question. The relationship between gay men, condoms and HIV can be directly paralleled with that of birth control and female inequality. And PrEP is to the empowered bottom the same way that birth control is to the empowered woman, including the slut shaming that both parties have often experienced as a result of their choice to take control of their health.
“PrEP is the first opportunity bottoms have ever had to be in full control of our HIV status,” said Jacobs. “It allows both partners, in either sexual position, to be 100 percent responsible for their pleasure and protection.”
Colton Ferrell is a young PrEP user from Austin, Texas. He didn’t think too much about the inequality of his preference for bottoming until he found himself in his own sexual quandary.
“So, I never really thought of there being an imbalance dependent upon sexual position, until one time recently when the guy and I discussed using a condom,” said Ferrell. “We agreed to use the condom, he grabbed the condom wrapper, I laid down on my stomach, and we had (not so enjoyable) sex. Something, as a bottom, I’ve noticed is that I can rarely feel the difference as to if the guy is wearing a condom or not, and it turned out, that in this circumstance, he wasn’t, and he actually came inside of me. Aside from feeling very violated and pissed, I was less worried than I feel I would’ve been, because I was on PrEP, and wasn’t as concerned about HIV, while still knowing I needed to get checked for everything else.”
Ferrell’s experience is just one example of how the one who is at risk is often left without control in a situation of protection. The use of Truvada as PrEP, the HIV prevention pill that is 99 percent effective at eliminating the risk of HIV infection when taken correctly, has the potential to revolutionize the gay sexual experience. Now, a bottom has the option to enter into the intercourse that he chooses with the knowledge that he has taken action to protect himself from HIV, regardless of the top’s preferences or agreements. Furthermore, he is involved in preventative care with his healthcare provider and engaged in his own sexual health.
But most importantly…
He is allowed to enjoy the pleasures of sex without experiencing any added shame for his preferred position or fear of a possible HIV infection.
“I think I can sum up how PrEP has changed the way I feel about sex in one word – Wow!” Said Collins. “I’ve personally never been that adherent with condom usage and I would always feel very guilty and irresponsible. I’ve had many a time I’d nervously awaited an HIV test result hoping and praying. With PrEP, I don’t worry about it anymore and just enjoy the moment. Now I let my sexual partners know I’m on PrEP and I’ve had some really great experiences with guys who are positive and who I probably wouldn’t have approached. I would say I’m a lot more aware of my sexual health now because I get tested every three months.”
So what does PrEP mean to the empowered bottom? It means living in an environment where the fight to stay sexually healthy is held on more of an equal playing field. It means less shame and fear and a greater sense of self worth and sexual pleasure.
“I’m a child of the 1980s,” said Eric McCulley, a PrEP advocate. “And for the majority of my life, all I’ve heard about sex is that it is dangerous and that it might actually kill you. So it’s nice to not be afraid of sex anymore. And to be in control of my own sexual health is empowering and affirming.”
As the arguments over the use of PrEP continue to dissipate and the science and validity of the HIV prevention pill continues to increasingly resonate within the gay community, it is now a matter of accessibility and affordability for those who need it so that more bottoms become empowered by the other little blue pill.
Here’s to a new kind of sexual revolution.
TYLER CURRY
(Tyler is the senior editor of HIV Equal Online, an online publication that covers news and views central to issues related to sexual health and HIV awareness. To learn more about the HIV Equal, visit www.hivequal.com or follow Tyler Curry on Facebook or Twitter at @iamtylercurry.)
This is basically just another ad for Prep and how great it is… thank God there are no other sexually transmitted diseases you can catch while whoring around bareback…
Whilst PrEP helps prevent transmission of HIV, it does nothing for other serious STDs such as syphilis and gonorrhea. In London, rates of both of these are rising rapidly, particularly amongst gay men 25 and under.
A Public Health Report this summer stated:
“The PHE study showed a total jump of 33 percent in cases of deadly syphilis, and the increase among homosexual men at 47 percent.
Cases of gonorrhea climbed by 19 percent overall, with that number escalated to 32 percent in men who have sex with men.”
So whilst PrEP prevents HIV/AIDS it can give a false sense of security and may stop people thinking about protecting themselves from other STDs.
It is still a wonderful step in the right direction though.
Love
I personally have some reservations with PrEp. Mostly since majority of users who bottom take this miracle pill as an excuse to bareback and exercise higher risk sexual activity. To me, as a bottom, using condoms makes me feel more empowered to open that channel of discussion and have a conversation about safer sex options. Since I feel that those who are uneducated are already at a higher risk. Especially youth who are the new generation becoming sexually active.
I find a lot of fault with the basic premise of the article.
‘Insertor superior/insertee inferior’ is a remnant of cultural heterosexism and has no place in modern gay relationships.
Bottoms are only less than if they allow themselves to be treated that way, and none of the ones I know do.
And as for tops having all the power, a bottom can go home and pull a toy out of the drawer to find satisfaction. Fake holes suck.
BULLSHIT.
How convenient it is to forget that PrEP is indicated, prescribed, and clinically tested to be used IN ADDITION TO CONDOMS, not as an alternative.
If you are mature enough to be having sex you are mature enough to assert yourself and insist that your partner wear a condom. Do you really want to be with a top who doesn’t give a damn about your health or his, or worse would attempt to “stealth” you? It is people like that who are to blame for laws that incriminate the transmission of HIV, and with good reason.
Stop safe sex shaming–the “bareback” community is succeeding already without any assistance from Adam4Adam.
No offense to all the empowered aggressive bottoms out there, but as a vers I tire at the barrage of “do the u want to fuck my tight ass?” solicitations I recieve. No, I don’t ust want to pound you and be sent away like some Fuck Machune of yours. When it comes to sex and fucking, there’s more to it for me than that.
I’m a bottom, always have been, and I’ve never felt disempowered. If a guy wants in my ass, he’s going to wrap it up, unless I know 100 percent for sure he’s HIV negative. I’m not perfect, and have taken chances barebacking before, and may well do so again for all I know, but to claim that the top is the only one empowered to make decisions when it comes to condom use is just plain wrong and silly in my opinion. I’ve kicked more than one man out of my bedroom, or pulled my pants up and left their house, because they “only wanted to put it in raw for a little while”.
Once again this ass-clown rewrites actual history to attempt to verify his nonsense propositions. The use of condoms did NOT create or perpetuate the perceived subservience of bottoms and it’s total rubbish to even hint that it did. This twink continues to reinterpret the onslaught of the AIDS epidemic with made-up “facts” when in truth he has never researched it and wasn’t even alive during this era. We must never let these children reinvent and trivialize the reality of history.
I love most of this article! As a healthcare professional, I just want to point out that PreP is not bullet proof. There have been some people during the initial PreP studies who unfortunately acquired HIV. Truvada is meant to be an extra added protection and NOT full protection. There are some HIV strains that are resistant to Truvada components. So there is still a risk involved with unprotected sex. Refer to CDC to support my statements :-). I’m not trying to “Truvada shame”, just trying to bust myths.Plus, Im also on Truvada. As far as other STI’s, listen to your body, if you are experiencing signs and symptoms you have never had after unprotected sex then you might of contracted an STI. Be responsible and get tested for STI’s before playing with other boys.
It’s good to have this drug as an addition to the arsenal of ways to combat the passing of HIV. I do wish, however, that we could find a broader way to define being gay than simply sexual roles. What are the possibilities of love all about, if the only expression is of the sex roles, top and bottom? I despise the rule of roles. I wish we would start valuing relationships!
safe sex only guys, lets all help to stop the spreading of the “gay” community cancer…stop it already, pharmaceutical industry is just making money out of gay sex and lust, stop thinking with the lower head and let our brain cells shine
Ok, nice article but I don’t do really do bareback, top or bottom, with guys I’m hooking up with on here. But, I do agree that it the pill does help as I have that condom just disappear with a partner of mine when I thought we were starting a relationship, so that first time was the last time with him as I know I put it on him myself.
Also, Dave, I wish you posted more of the bears as that little tease pic has nothing to do with the article, so why not give us a whole treat, lol.
Another promo 4 prep – without the Important information.
Prolonged use of Truvada can cause kidney failure & AVN -Avascular Nicrosis (joint replacement)
All the barebackers going free 2 be me.
There will be a whole generation of Dialysis & joint replacements in guys in their late 30’s / 40’s,
not to mention Rectal Cancer caused by HPV Virus that all men have.
There is no empowerment of a bottom unless a condom is
used.
Sorry 4 the bubble Burst
I never needed a pill to feel empowered as a bottom. If a top wanted to fuck me he had to get my interest, engage in the right amount of prep and wrap up. If he wasn’t willing to do that I would walk my ass home or to a top who would.
If condoms make you feel disempowered than maybe you should put off having sex until you grow the fuck up.
As a total top I have had to stop a bottom and tell them I need to put a condom on. This has happened more than once and even though the top is at less risk there is a risk. I have felt though that many bottoms will let the top do what he wants. You have to be responsible for your self and I make it clear safe only. I have to admit that if I am in a monogamous relationship I will do it bare. I have thought about using PrEP especially now that I am getting older it seems it is harder to have a orgasm with a condom but at this point I would rather be safe and have relationship with one partner that I can trust. PrEP has side effects but you have to weigh the pros and cons and know yourself and what you do sexually and PrEP may be for you.
I can’t find me a fat ass monster black cock tht is total top tht will dominate me n make me obey how I better ttake tht BBC buried n my white ass n soon as I get choked w tht BBC soon As tht BBC pulls out my ass make me suck the BBC so I am pounded n ass n taste my 1st BBC I had
Coming home one night from a hookup and suddenly noticing that cum was dripping out of my hole though I insisted on a condom (and was until then in the believe that he had used it all the time through the end) cured me of any scepticism regarding the value of PrEP.
Meh. This is such a shit article. Missing a few points…
* Condoms are not only the top’s responsibility.
* PrEP is not only for bottoms. (Stop trying to equate it to the birth-control pill used by heterosexual women).
* PrEP does nothing to prevent other STDs. It’s like a condom that only blocks on STD. That’s kinda like a single-issue voter… which works in the gay community since the majority of gay men are single-issue Democrats (gay rights = Democrat).
* The majority of gay men out there are bottoms.
* The majority of gay men out there are fem.
* The whole idea of fem-shaming bottoms comes from the fact that the feminine bottom is the most common type of gay man.
* Being on the receiving end IS inherently feminine, and no amount of faux-machoism in your Adam4Adam profile (telling us you’re a firefighter, telling us you’re masc, calling yourself a redneck, etc) is gonna make you sound anything BUT a big ol’ nancy boy with wants to get fucked by a real man.
* Many bottoms are ashamed of being bottoms, and will not outright say they are bottoms in their profile. But there’s always things that give them away: Mentioning they’re looking for masc, they are masc4masc, “no fems”, actually listing themselves as “versatile” but then saying “no bottoms” in their profile, etc. Bottoms are so fucking easy to read.
* Most bottoms want to take it bareback, and will simply just ask “are you neg?” before sex. To be fair, most tops will agree to a bareback hookup as well, just simply tell him you’re “neg” (no truth required).
@ Truth Hurts:
You hit the nail on the head with rectal/anal cancer:
Last year, during my “annual anal Pap smear”, I was informed that my smear came back Positive, with “diploid positive epithelial cells”. Hmmmmm, I hadn’t had receptive anal sex for years, and thought that I’d have it taken care of on an “outpatient basis”. Not a very pretty site:
I had the “procedure” last December, and until about February, I was in discomfort, ‘back there’. I have had probably 10 insertive partners in my life, and I somehow came up with a “positive HPV test” and I had a lesion in my anus.
So, you guys that “just loll around and take dicks up your ass willy nilly”? Just wait!
Or have you even HAD a checkup or an anal Pap smear, or have you ever HEAR of such a thing?
No dick is EVER going in my ass again after what I had to endure, it’s just not worth it.
And for life, I have to be checked annually. What fun, and it’s all MY doing
(Yes, I’m being brutally honest and open here, I know a lot of gay men really don’t give a rat’s ass, but your time will come, trust me.)
First, the pic used at the top is effin’ hot! Wow!
Second, I have only bottomed (but with only a few guys). For the more casual affair, I have actually stopped it in the “But in the throes of passion when the clothes are off…” and said, “No fucking way!” I was not going to risk my health for someone I did not know well or was not comfortable doing anal with.
Third, I tend to get bored with “onlys” too boring. The “I won’t bottom…yadda, yadda, yadda – after awhile I am done. Same thing as “I don’t top” – I get people have preferences, but sometimes thost preferences are based on stupid feelings or thoughts” like “I am only a top and don’t take dick” well have fun because if you think being a bottom is submissive or the “feminine” thing – you are fucking a man who has control and rights and wants/desires and how masculine are you if you are fucking a man’s hole?!
Well, a lot of younger guys r getting the HPV vaccine, so in a short period of time hpv will not b an issue nemore…now all we need is a herpes vaccine or prevention pill, n w preps protection, we can fuck bareback till the cows come home!! Sure, theres a risk of other stuff, but most other stuff is cured w a shot….i love going raw into a hot guys hole, but i rarely do cause u gotta b safe…
@Gay Tony Thanks for smashing the self-made lies that gay men have contrived of themselves ever since the late 1950s. Everything you say is right on the facts.
@Christopher715 Thanks to you for sharing YOUR story, and I empathize fully. Once some of these dizzy bitches hear this from someone who’s gone through it, MAYYYBE they’ll “get it.” Then again, probably not.
This post is wrong on so many levels, it’s hard to know which chunk of wrongness to address first. Who is this Tyler Curry? Have you ever heard of Anne Page, Carolyn Davis or Betty Crocker? Anne Page was a made-up persona used by A&P supermarkets to push its store brands. Carolyn Davis was created by Reader’s Digest to push products, and of course, everyone knows who Betty Crocker is. Well, actually isn’t. And never was.
My money’s on the bet that Tyler Curry was invented by Gilead Sciences, and “he” is on a mission to push Truvada wherever possible, including an apparently independent blog that’s really another marketing front for the PrEP manufacturer.
Tyler, the imaginary Curry has dashed off a long post of ridiculous nonsense, starting with a cockamamie notion of who’s in charge with regard to gay sex. Boys, boys boys! Sex doesn’t happen without at least two consensual parties who share equal responsibility for what happens when part of one is inserted into part of the other. Without mutual consent — and responsibility — it’s called rape, and that’s a whole other topic.
Anyway, this Tyler character segues not-too-subtly from one platform of wrongness to another, where he sings the praises of an imaginary world ruled by bottoms, where bareback sex is totally safe with the blessing of PrEP, the god of irresponsible sex. Wrong again.
I wish the management at A4A had more respect for me, than to think I would actually believe this crap. In fact, wouldn’t it be an unexpected display of responsibility for A4A to push condoms and safe sex as hard as it’s pushing PrEP and barebacking?
Bottoms have been empowered all along– bottoms are in control they have the ability to walk away, they can use insertable condoms(female type), they can stick with sero sorted and tested partners– PreP isnt the only godsend to bottoming –way too many of you youngsters forget that there is life with out a dick up your ass…I recently went back to managing a very busy private STD clinic, everyday I see people showing up for Chlamydia or Gonorrhea testing , then crying when they get the results and crying when they get the results- when I suggest they perhaps should consider safer sex activities and condom usage they just huff and say it gets in the way… PREP prevents one virus, it doesnt protect you from the real STD’s condoms do-PREP was not meant to be used stand alone,it was meant to be used with a condom . PREP is only an additional layer of prevention-Mark my words as CT and GC spread and more open sores and wounds abound the PREP protection will not last…
As a bisexual in my youth I’d always wore a condom during vaginal sex, and still did with men during anal sex. I’d used the female condom on receptive male partners also. I require a condom to be used or I’m not going in. On the rare occasion I was in the receptive role,few if any times was I barebacked. It’s not the 1970’same again because of truvada.
Lifelong total bottom here, starting at 18. I’m in my 40s. I can count the number of times I’ve topped a guy in my life on one hand. Things are changing for the better from the days when sex was deadly.
For some reason, I am really uncomfortable with PreP. My gut tells me that this isn’t the miracle that everyone is making it out to be. How long are the long term tests with taking a pill everyday? Taking a pill every single day doesn’t sound ideal and who knows what other effects it may be having on the body. I had a scare once and went on it for a month and I had trouble sleeping and bad dreams everynight.
The guys I run into on PreP are usually ones I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole. I dunno. It sounds good in theory but I have to trust my gut and stick to the old tried and true condom.
It’s amazing that so many guys are jumping on the Prep bandwagon but what they fail to realize is It doesn’t necessarily protect yourself on all the other thousands of STDs you can get. Hep C can kill you just as quickly. When a guy boasts that he is in Prep I usually run the other way…because I see it as someone who gets out there a lot. And I don’t want anything…this coming from a bottom.
All you guys commenting on here are nothing by fear mongers! And I bet most of you are a bunch of either alcoholics or addicted to some kind of drug. This is your life and you should live it how you want to. We all choose our own poison whether it’s a substance or an action like sex. It’s not the world’s responsibility to take care of your OWN DAMN HEALTH. If you are out being a ho without using condoms you know the risk that comes with that stop being a little bitch and stop complaining. And if others are choosing that route that’s THEIR life and that’s a risk THEIR willing to take. If you don’t feel safe either abstain completely or use a damn condom or stay in a monogamous relationship. You getting any STIs is your responsibility nobodies else’s. Unless you were rape then I understand.
I disagree. Bottoms are in ultimate control. They have the “Safe Word” and can stop play when they want to, no matter how Subservient they are. That to me is the ultimate dominance. BTW my word is “Elvis” 😉
That ‘99%’ effective when used properly is misleading. Since to use PrEP propertly according to doctors you need to use a condom.
@CDL57: Not all gays define their gayness by the “role” they take. I didn’t.
I never did like sex outside of a relationship…an emotional connection. When in a relationship, I was equally satisfied being top or bottom. What happened, happened. Since I was satisfied either way, I let my partner determine the course of events.
A “role” was always a minor consideration for me in the selection of a partner.
ok this was just too much to even see a clear point it started with bottoming being looked down on to the next step in hiv prevention…. Pick a topic so the readers aren’t too annoyed to take u serious no one likes muliti topic post
I always tell bottoms what I want to do. It’s just the right thing to let him choose because stealthing him is just wrong, and I’ve known the temptation. If one bottom wants me to wear a condom I can find three others who prefer it if I don’t.
I’m new to the gay scene. I think I want to be a bottom. Is it safe for a guy to cum inside of you if he is wearing a condom. I ve passed on a couple of hookups because the guy wanted to bareback and cum in me. Just want to be safe
Does anyone else notice that Prep is being hard sold on a website that frequently contradicts its own message of playing safe? Its hard not to chastise these people as hypocritical when a lot of the banner ads have barebacking prominently featured, then the blog has articles that are ads about Prep.
That seems like they are pushing the unsafe sex and then trying to upsell the drug like a waiter at a chain restaurant upsells the new entrees.
I’m so incredibly sick of listening to HIV+ shaming for people who are HIV-. It’s my choice to play safe and not to play with someone who is HIV+, no matter how guilty they want to make me feel for not wanting to have sex with them. Shaming someone for making the choice to avoid HIV is insane, we should try our hardest to avoid new infections, whatever way we choose to.
Alex : A4A’s only message to its members is do be safe! And by safe, we mean, PrEP, condom, talking with your partner etc.
Not avoiding HIV positive guys, coz this is ridiculous.
Unbelievable.
First gay guys just didn’t bother using condoms because they’re irresponsible and just want to get their nut with no consequences or responsibility. Then came Prep,and with it the illusion that is just impossible to get HIV now. Nevermind, as many people have said, the many other things one can pass along that Prep doesn’t cover.
But what we didn’t do is educate people and demand personal responsibility. We just created excuses as quickly as possible and then gave irresponsible people a magic pill so they could bareback their way through the city. Then we have the audacity to stand up at the HRC meetings and say we’re so proud of how far we’ve come.
Basically we’ve created a Darwinistic environment resulting in basic population control. The responsible gays will live and the rest of these wild, “I’m so powerful because I’m on Prep and bareback!” hussies will be leveled out. I intend to live.
WHOA, @Blog! “A4A’s only message to its members is do be safe! And by safe, we mean, PrEP…”
What’s safe about the myriad of STDs that PrEP doesn’t touch?
Hunter0500: funny how your quotation doesn’t include the rest of my sentence…..
“Not avoiding HIV positive guys, coz this is ridiculous.”
LOL ok. If you were to get into a relationship and accept the risks, fine. That’s on you. But as a non-relationship-oriented guy there is no way in hell I will EVER consciously hook up with an HIV+ regardless of available ‘precautions’. And sure, I’m a non versatile top, so the ‘risk’ is lower, but I love performing oral. Spare me the nonsense about not HIV not spreading via oral, because while unlikely the risk DOES exist, and being sentenced to live with an incurable disease that costs a fortune to manage is just not a risk that I am willing to take – and I’m sure there are plenty of guys who share that sentiment. It’s nothing against the person, it’s the disease they carry. You want to be friends, thats cool. I’m friends with several people who are positive, and I don’t have any fear of casual contact. But I will not risk infecting myself based on some armchair doctor’s made up data.
What worries me about this post is the fact that PREP is the solution for High Risk Unprotected Sex. Top or Bottom sexual transmitted disease can still be transmitted. While the joy of Barebacking has returned for many, we still have to remember the Men, and Women who have been infected, or are being treated, and who have died. Science will always have break throughs, and I hope someday a cure for HIV-AiDS, but let’s not take two steps forward, and then take four steps back. The empowered Bottom has always had a voice when it comes to whom he lets fuck him. It also takes an empowered Top to use his Brain as well as his Cock. Together they both can enjoy sex in 2015 and beyond.
this has absolutely nothing to do with your blog. i would like to know why i am being limited to 10 messages per day? ? I have verified my email address numerous times ;;don’t know why in the hell you started using the old hotmail address, haven’t used that email for over three years!!!!!
This post is retarded and factually incorrect.
PrEP is ONLY 93% effective according to the CDC.GOV website.
That’s less effective than a condom. 1 out 11 getting HIV isn’t very empowering, is it?