Gay Stuff : Scared To Stay Single?
Are you emotionally dependant? Many gay men around me are! I feel like many gay men can’t stay alone more than few months. Why? Is it because they don’t want to be seen as single? Is being single perceived negatively by society?
Recently I was asked by a Facebook friend “why are you single, is it by choice?”. He said that I was very beautiful and I shouldn’t be single…. That’s an odd observation. Like if being beautiful means it is easy to find a lover. It goes to say that this observation is also very superficial. Isn’t love about connection, sharing moments, similar interests and more? Nothing to do with beauty….
The fun part is that this dude has a boyfriend and his boyfriend also sent me “love quotes” on Facebook as well. They both like me and both don’t know the other sends me flirty messages on Facebook. I bet they love each other a lot :
I’ve been single for 6 years now (wow already!!) I like it though…. I don’t care what society or gay community thinks! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I was always a bit lonely even when I was younger. I don’t like groups, I don’t have many friends, I enjoy being alone so for me being single is good!
So let me know your opinion on this subject. Are you scared to stay single? Why? Do you think the gay community’s perception on single guys is wrong? And the perception of society in general towards single people?
Dave
Being single and less than 55 years…was heaven. But NOW…at 58, I cringe that I reach 60 alone. The way I feel about aging to 60 alone…mirrors how a young woman approaches 30 alone (when her clock is ticking).
Personally I love being single. It’s just who I am what I prefer. I know myself well enough and secure with myself knowing that. I have nothing against people in relationships and those who like being in them but I have seen many people make stupid unnecessary sacrifices to be in them. Putting up with cheating, possessive, manipulative individuals to have someone to hold and call them their boyfriend. I have also seen many of my older friends feel the pressure to be in a relationship to feel self worth and not to experience what they call gay death. I guess with everything to each their own, but don’t sacrifice self value and respect just to have a boyfriend
I am also the type that doesn’t like crowds, have many friends and I enjoy being able to do what I want, when I want. However, I do fantasize about being in love and hope to find that before I die. But, I don’t really worry about what the community thinks of me. One could have a lover in another state and you couldn’t label them as single or in a relationship, because you just wouldn’t know This story reminds me of what women say “always a brides maid, but never a bride”. I don’t worry about this.
I am one of those guys that has been single for about 3 and a half years yes it’s nice to be single but it also sucks because, just like you people tell me I am beautiful or hot and have a great body, but yet nobody seems to ever want to talk to me it’s always sex sex sex I would love to find one guys and see where that takes me but until then I love meeting new people and I love hanging or with friends. I can’t wait till I am able to double date with my friends and not be the third or fifth wherl
In the gay community it’s all about looks so clearly an attractive person who chooses to be alone has some issues… If you’re happy being single, that’s great. Most people don’t want to be alone because it gets boring.
However, I have noticed that the pretty boys are never really alone, they always have someone to cater to them or to hang out with regardless of how much of a “lone wolf” they perceive themselves as. Fact is if you weren’t able to pull out friends to hang with when you want, and who want to do things with you, you’d feel that lonely and isolated feeling rather quickly and wouldn’t be “happy being single.”
Cheers.
I’ve read these posts for a long time but never commented. This subject has always bugged me though. I’m young (21), and consider myself fairly attractive. Many other people seem to think so at least… and for the longest time, I’ve been single. Not by choice. Ever since I managed to get out of high school, I’ve been ready to settle down. I learned all my life lessons in high school. I was totally ready to commit when I got to college. And now it’s been years since I was in a relationship and it bugs me. I want a steady, reliable, honest man. But it’s impossible to find in Indiana. I feel so mentally and emotionally “ahead”, and more mature out of everyone around me. I worry that I’ll never find someone until at least three or four years down the road, probably when I finally manage to move to a bigger city with more openminded and mature men. That sad fact depresses me. I realize that there are a ton of benefits to being single and I love them too. But I just really want someone to share my life with, at least for right now. I just wish the option were there at the very least so I didn’t feel so alone. Or let down by the gay community. :/
I love being single the freedom is what I cherish the most. Not to mention that the Boy on Boy Lifestyle is littered with whorish types who has to fuck everything walking .
I’ve been single nearly seven years now. Mostly by choice as I rarely connect with most guys out there. I prefer myself single. The few relationships Ive had weren’t great romance novels. I tend to become too attached to someone, makes me turn into someone I don’t really like.
If it does happen again, I’ve learned a lot taking the past few years to self reflect and grow.
Dave, if I had a dollar for every time I’m asked why I am single I’d be a millionaire! Like you, I really don’t get why gay men think it’s any easier for a good looking guy to find someone, when in reality its a lot more difficult since although nice looking people get noticed very few are approached; it’s like people are attracted to while intimidated by beauty/good looks.
I’ve been single so long I’ve actually lost count of the number of years, yet I’m happy. Everything you said about being single is true. But for me, the main point is I don’t have to put up with someone else’s sh!t. I actually wouldn’t mind being in a relationship but it HAS to be on my terms. (I’ve only been in a relationship twice and the longest one lasted is 14 months.) But I guess on a subconscious level I love my freedom too much.
You like me
I’m 25 years old and I’ve never been in a relationship. I personally would love to be in one because I’ve been alone most of my life. Being a loner is personal preference for some people but for me I didn’t have a choice. I moved around a lot and it was always hard making new friends. Most of my friends now have relationships of several years and it makes me want that. I never tell anyone I do it’s just between me and you guys.
I feel like gay men need a companion to have a sense of being love and wanted. Most of us grew up in judgmental environments where we felt left out. Being older and having a connection with someone is something I feel we all desire.
I rarely chime in on these topics but i have to say it is sad to see some friends who hang on to a bad relationship for fear of being single. (not alone). It breaks my heart to see what kind of abuse is lashed out on a day to day basis. I had a bad relationship when i was 25 that lasted for almost 8 years. I was never more alone and hopeless than in that period of my life. Sometimes being part of a couple isnt the right choice.?
People who poke their noses into other people’s business and make a fuss about them being single are so tacky and gauche it’s not even funny .
It’s like it pains me the same way when a guy says to an attractive woman , not even having any idea of her marital/sexual status, “Why don’t you have any children ?”
It’s none of their fuck’n business .
Oh, single for all my life , and it’s not really a choice either . Celebrating my 59th today so all you 20 something year olds have a LOT to experience yet !
This is horrible to say but very true.. I’m happy being single.. Regardless of what the perception may or may not be. I have a number of friends gay and straight couples who pretend to be in committed relationships while all the while going behind each other’s back playing with others. I’m not one to be in a relationship that is suppose to be closed on one end and secretly open on the other – with that, I’ll enjoy playing and staying single until my Romeo arrives. Peace
I use to be afraid of reaching a certain age without experience the intoxication of being in love someone who is in love me mutually, but if you’re cute and single you’re one of 3 things: Picky and stuck up, whorish, and/or selfish. Never introspective and observant, or too busy to nurture a relationship properly, oh and I forgot my favorite perception; dysfunctional. But back to me, I just don’t want to hookup for the rest of my life, lamenting in some nursing home with some robot wiping ass, don’t mind being lonely especially in the winter when most gays in my area couple up and hibernate until spring and summer when they split up. I’m not fair weather or fickle so…sigh dunno.
I just roll my eyes at people who ask “why are you single.” Usually I respond “why aren’t you?”
I’m 41 been single for most of my adult life. Except for a brief period in college and another shortly after (totalling maybe a year and a half), I’ve been single.
I’m perfectly content living my life that way. “Alone” does not necessarily mean “lonely.” And “single” doesn’t mean “fuckboy” — as my sex life can attest. In the end, though, how I live my life isn’t anybody’s business but my own.
For what it’s worth, it’s not just gay people who feel societal pressure to partner up. How many str8 people have been asked “when are you going to get married” or “when are you going to have kids” or similar questions? H
Besides, if you’re not happy alone, what makes you think you’ll be happy with someone else? Be content with yourself first.
I love being single, but then I was raised to be self sufficient, non-codependent and have a healthy self esteem.
My remaining single is not only about being able to have sex with whoever I like. (This is a superficial reason that many who can only think with their dicks like to cite.) I cherish being able to do whatever I like, whenever I like, alone or with whoever I like, for as long as I like and not have to answer to anyone nor have someone else always needing to tag along because they are insecure and or jealous about what I am doing.
I have many interests (at home and outside) to keep me entertained and occupied besides just having sex. I have a large loving family and many very close, long term, loving, genuine friends, not just mere acquaintances I call friends like so many do these days. Three of my closest friends are FWBs, (going on nine years) and they too feel the same way I do about not needing to be collared and leashed like someone’s pet.
I’ve had many, many opportunities to become involved in a relationship, but I have found that many of those guys were in reality only looking for company for their misery. All had issues they believed would be cured if they could only find someone to “complete” them, but luckily I’m smart enough to know that it would only be a temporary distraction from their issues. These people don’t understand that they should remedy their self esteem issues first, before even thinking of getting into a relationship else they would only end up poisoning someone else’s life with their issues.
The rest were the typical type who do whatever they can to connive and contrive their way into someone else’s life. I speculate that this habit is something they honed their skills at while they were in the closet and used it as a way to protect themselves, but after they came out of their closets they didn’t know or think to lose this bad habit.
I’ve learned that romantic love is nice etc., but it is not the number one thing in the world like so many have been brainwashed by fairy tales etc., to believe it is. I’m not saying I will always be single, just that it’s not the highest priority or biggest accomplishment I can achieve in my life.
i’m 30, average looking, very well educated, stable in life and i’ve never been in any relationship before. if i were straight, i would have had 3-4 girlfriends already (they showed unambiguous interest). another girl once was surprised to know that i was single (she didn’t know i’m gay) and meant i were too good to be single.
but i’ve nevery been lucky with guys. i do think my look contributes a lot to my being single for this long. i used to be very proud of being single, loved my freedom, could do whatever and whenever i wanted, nobody would nag me for anything i did. but since 3-4 years, i’ve been craving for intimate connection with somebody, someone i can share the moments with, someone to take care of and have memories with that make life worth living, someone that makes me want to rush home after work, someone i want to sing “Home” of Michael Buble to. some may want to choose the ones with whom they have the least troubles, well understandable; but i don’t mind the troubles if that’s the right one. turning 30 and never having been in any relationship before, feeling never being wanted makes me feel i’ve missed out a lot during the allegedly best time of a human being’s life.
Been single most my life. Wouldn’t trade it for a zillion dollars.
I have been single all my life. I don’t like relationships as I think they would smother me.
I have been celibate for 1+ year and I am in my 20s.
The last guy to suck me off was in April of 2014.
I’m 58 single and I love it. One of my dearest friends always says nothing is more sad than being with someone and wishing you were alone…I agree.
i don’t get everyone’s need to be in a relationship just so you can say you are in a relationship … I’m an older guy from the south. i’ve tried relationships and monogamy because my partners wanted it and in the end they were the ones cheating. one relationship was 14 years another was 8 years. I have been single now for 8 years and i am loving it . i’m having more sex than i ever had in my relationships and enjoying it more too. Do i worry about getting older alone ? Sure! But i’m not going to be a relationship just to have someone in the house with me . I’d rather surround myself with good friends than a bad relationship. A friend of mine told me last week he was called a slut by a 21 y/o and told to grow up because he posts a lot on Claigslist.not sure when CL gets such a bad wrap, or going to parks for that matter. At least its a change of scenery from the guys on A$A that are online 24/7. We have a lot of closeted men in our area you will never find at the bars or on hookup sites. My friend is very selective about partners , doesn’t sleep with just anyone who responds , and is one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet . He posts an ad and goes about his day. he said he gets good responses about once or twice a week . sometimes not for 2 weeks at a time . but he no longer wastes his time online looking at the same profiles here or other sites. he was going to respond and ask the young man what he thought was wrong with it but alas the boy had blocked him without ever even talking to him . My point to all this , enjoy what life has to offer when it is offered, have sex responsibly with as many people as you want. Most of the guys i see in relationships are having encounters with 3rds and even 4ths sometimes , so who are they to judge. Enjoy the life you have, if that special someone comes along GREAT. But DONT grow older waiting for it to happen and settling because everyone says you should. Find good friends , they will always be there for you.
I’ve been single for about 4 years now, and was married prior, to a woman, for 22 years. I hid the fact I was gay since junior high because society didn’t accept it. when Ifinally came out, it was a HUGE relief, however, being singlethis long, it is very difficult. Being so used to having someone to share your heart with, then suddenly not is hard to get used to. I’m now 50yo, and have met with guys that say “you’re good looking”, but it always seems a way to get laid. I want more. I’m not getting any younger. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. My son always says, “you’ll find someone”, but I’m beginning to have my doubts.
I am 60, single — and love it! Could not be happier being single — love myself and love to be with many guys, not just one.
I celebrate being single. I have a couple long term relationships- and in reality I am happiest when single. I get sneers and the raised eye brau – but I am sorry – I don’t need to be paired or married or dating to have a full life…I like being the master of a heard of “FB’s” and playthings there when I want sex gone when I want to just watch TV…
Being single is great. You can be with anyone you want and then they leave. I love having my bed to myself, and i love doing things on my own. Lately i have been seeing this guy for many weeks, that it might turn serious. I am very scared because every relationship from my first girlfriend to my last boyfriend has turned out disastrous. I am scared this new thing will be the same. Maybe I’m poison when it comes to relationships.
This is a great topic that really hits home for me.
I’ve never been in a relationship. I’m 32 yrs old and have spent the last 8 yrs in the Army.
During my earlier years I was ambitious, career driven, and focused on being the very best leader (officer) I could be
I didn’t have many friends nor enjoyed going out so I stayed to myself most of the time.
Now looking back i feel like an idiot. For being afraid to take chances, and follow my heart. My coming wasn’t the best so I really just protected myself.
I’d love to go on real dates, with normal people and have someone special in my life that’s my goal. Unfortunately I had to experience 2 deployments in order to learn that lesson.
Mecocklover: You’ve hit the nail on the head with your comment “Be content with yourself first.”
That is the main reason most people who aren’t happy being single/alone are hell bent on being in relationships. They haven’t learned how to live with themselves, or they don’t like themselves well enough to be single. So they constantly jump from “relationship” to relationship–never taking time out for themselves to learn from/assess what went wrong, etc. with those bad/failed relationships–so they continually make the same mistakes while in those relationships. And because they aren’t content with themselves, they hope someone else will make them feel “whole.”
I’ve been in a few relationships throughout my life.
Some okay. Some good. Some poor.
I’m now in one almost 6years which is about to be ending, which I will be sad but realize life will go on.
Right from the get go, my partner was cheating on me while I was working, then for next several years, wasn’t working and meeting up on side to sow his oats while I provided for.
It’s a reality check, not having to constantly wonder,is he meeting up again and Lord knows what disease bringing home.
It’s bad enough when he would host at our place.
I guess we all would like or love to be in a paradise relationship, but when it’s been one sided for several years, it’s time to cut the cord.
I hopefully will survive, don’t have many friends, but throughout life I have done fine without.
Maybe one day I will find the perfect guy to share and grow old with.
I’m single and love it. I like being able to do what I want, when I want too. Not that I haven’t made compromises, I certainly have, but usually to the others benefit, when I dated only women, and later a man. I’ve had both friends and family members in uncomfortable situations, cheating, or some other unhappy times and I decided a long time ago, I didn’t want to have to deal with it. Life is hard enough with enough stress. I’ve had times when I find my life boring, but not for long. I have been celibate for 3 years but wouldn’t mind finding a companion to share times with, but I would remain single and living alone. My preference.
Single is okay if it is what you want and if it is a choice. I agree beauty does not equal love but it can help attract a mate. That is what we are talking about attracting a partner. It all is started by attraction I know that being attractive can bring a lot more attention some that you love and some that are just a good fuck. As a super attractive guy I’m sure you get a lot of attention with good guys and also an increase of guys that are douch bags and just want to get in your pants. But I have to say at my point in life I would welcome the attention. I am a farly nice guy but my looks are not what many guys are looking for. Im not ugly but I’m not ripped I’m more of a bear not as heavy bunt still in that group. So yes there are guys that like me but I don’t get that interest that I like.
I am 55 years and have never been in a relationship. I don’t know what I want to do. Single is good but I wouldn’t mind
living with somebody either
Personally I like the freedom of being single. Have a secured job and slowly reaching my goal. But being single also has its disadvantages… Like cost of living that is rent/mortgage will take out a big portion of the paycheck. I personally DO NOT enjoy the snoring that interrupted my beauty sleeps. Something it does gets lonely but I can manage to keep myself occupied by taking some educational class to improve myself. Other than that, I really really do love being single, I can go anywhere I want, go do whatever I want.
Hey Im 59 and I can tell you guys that 90% of gay men DON’T want a relationship. They rather fuck around be single than have somebody. Only 10% of guys really want one. The rest lie to get you in bed. I have been out since I was 18 and nothing has changed. Look at the posts above and you will see why there are so many guys who have been single for a long time. Gay men want to hook up because being with someone means you have to compromise or stop fucking around. Heaven forbid! Look how many couples now advertise for a third? Or say they want or are in an open relationship. Men are not satisfied being only with one. Even married couples tell me that will not stop them hooking up with others. Expect a lonely old age alone. That starts after age 30.
I’ve been single all my life it’s a mix of choice and the current way the gay community behaves. I want an emotional mental and physical connection with guys but gay men create so many superfical barriers like no fem no blacks no Asian…ect that it prevents the possibilities of connecting with good quality men. So many straight guys and girls find it hard to believe that despite the fact that they consider me to be a amazing partner many guys reject me simply on superficial bases sadly its mostly based on race. And if I do find someoneeho wants me I am reduced to some fantasized stereotype.this in someways devalues me as a human and the bond is only about sex
I knew I liked guys when I first got to college and started noticing the same sex type of ppl “flirting” with me at my work study job lol. Then, I had my very first, and last, official BF when I was 23 (ironically 2 months before graduating college) til a month before I turned 24 which, in turn, was roughly over a yr relationship. Now that I’m 31, I must say that I have never really ever felt alone or sad having that lack of “companionship” in my life.
Not to sound conceited in my next statement (cuz I sincerely promise that I’m not) but I get a lot of attention from both men and women daily. W/o a doubt there are plenty of more attractive men and women in this world, but I find myself with this unwanted attention. Due to this attention, I purposely stay locked away in my apt unless I’m working, at the gym, at volleyball, or forced to go out to dinner/bars by some of my few close friends (only 2). With having no “real” social life, I have become an introvert to the extreme that I now fear that I’m not a “normal” human-being anymore .
But yet everyone (coworkers/acquaintances/strangers) tell me like Dave said he’s been told and I quote “your very beautiful and I shouldn’t be single?” Well now going on almost 8 years, I must say that I am at one of the most happiest and content points in my mediocre life that I have ever been. Guys don’t ever have intentions to “be my friend”; there’s always that hidden agenda to either “hit it” or “claim it”. Over a year ago I stopped caring about what ppl say or do period (both good and bad) and it’s been bliss ever since then.
So now my life really begins. Awkwardly, I thought my recessive “situation” was what only someone like me was experiencing but I’m genuinely relived that I am both normal and “not crazy” . Cheesiness set aside on my previous statement, my being, verbatim, is at ease.
Thanx Dave for ur “revelationary” post (YES I know that “revelationary” isn’t a real word, but y’all will catch my drift ); and I hope that anybody whom feels that they fall into this similar situation that u know ur not alone. It’s just life . . . we each have to accept our unique situations and make the best of it.
Lots of Love . . . always
Roger
To be honest I don’t know. when I was in my teens and early 20s I wanted a relationships till I was 21. But now, I’m like whatever about it. I prefer to do me. I look at relationships and love as something based on chance. You can’t expect it’s going to happen for you.
I’m 60 and have been single for 10 years. I have had 2 relationships in the past one was great and I miss the guy every day since he passed away in 1995. The other guy spent more time looking for someone better that I just gave up one day. Love being single because I like myself and I’m good company. If I meet someone I would consider another relationship but its not my primary goal.
I agree, Dave; many of my friends are serial-daters. I don’t get it. Maybe it stems from their insecurities, or maybe they really just need some D before bed EVERY night… Lol. I think it’s great being single. I’m beholden to none but myself. I do get lonely at times or occasionally wish I had someone to cook a fancy meal for, but generally I find my life very fulfilling and wish some of my friends could feel similarly content. Cheers, good sir! 🙂
The best thing about being single is that no one cares what time you come home. The worst thing about being single is that no one cares what time you come home.
I’ve been single forever, never been in a relationship and I am 40. Am I ugly? NO. Do I like being single? No. Am I looking in all but the wrong places for a relationship? Yes. I am on here and Grindr. I get lots of messages on Grindr and it’s all for sex (SURPRISE!).
I’ve had my wild days in my 20s and slept around a lot back then. These days, I haven’t had sex in a few years, do I find that abnormal? Yes. Do I want a nice cock and get fucked? YES!! BUT I just don’t want to sleep around anymore because now that I respect myself and have self esteem, I don’t need to sleep around to feel adequate or accepted.
However, a lot of times, I do feel lonely as I want to share times and things with someone else. I want a HUMAN companionship and not just with my dogs..lol. But unlike most, I won’t just settle with anyone just for the sake of it or to prove to people I am not emotionally unstable “here look I have a partner” kind of thing. Too many people get into relationships because they’re afraid of being single or can’t be alone. And that’s called co-dependency. Co -dependency is a sickness. My family are all co-dependent, I am the only one who’s not.
I think many years ago, people thought being single was wrong, but these days not so much. And since I am not in the scene or part of the gay community, I don’t encounter it.
Just be you and don’t give a fuck what people think. Life is too short for that.
I’ve been single for a while and am approaching 30. I’m seriously pondering just killing myself if I hit that point. I have a good career, am not hideous at least, work out fairly often and have a big thick cock…but I can’t seem to get past hookups. And it’s tiring. What’s the point in doing well I. Life if you can’t do it with someone.
As one arch leather queen from my era said not long ago at a party, “If they’re hot AND chronically single over 40, you KNOW there’s something wrong.” The experience of decades has generally proven him right.
I am single by choice, I was in a relationship for 1 year and 11 months when the douche bag tells me one morning back in December 2011….”I want to live alone” and he kicks me out since my name was not on the lease. well after a 2 month trip to hell in the form of a homeless shelter I got accepted into a housing assistance program and now have a great apartment, a great job and can do what I want, when I want and with whomever I want to do it with. this may sound a bit like I am holding a grudge against him but I think you would to if someone calls the local police and tells them to “Escort” me and my possessions out of the building. I am healthy, happy and hope he is still as miserable as he always seemed to be when I was with him.
I don’t think I’ll ever find a relationship. I would say that I’m “moderately attractive” facially, but have a better body. I find that gay men’s eyes just focus on my body. I’ve tried having a few non-sexual gay friends who say that they want to “hang out with me without sex” to watch a movie only to find them trying to jump into my pants to suck my dick or eat my ass as soon as I relaxed. This behavior is a total shame. It all stems from the fact that this is a friendless lifestyle that only revolves around sex. Wes’s post of people rejecting him based on his race really touched me, as I find myself in that situation too where people want to see me as only a fetish while they have other people for “relationships.” It has caused me to abandon hookup sex which I think is disrespectful to me as an individual… as I’m being dehumanized to being just a sexual object! Focusing on improving myself has been my obsession now and that has provided me with a lot of peace and sense of accomplishment in this very dark and unfulfilling lifestyle. I know no one asked me my opinion, but I really regret being gay! And this of course has a domino effect because no one wants a gay man who doesn’t like his sexuality, but what to do… it’s the circle of life! I pray that one day I will be miraculously healed. Dave please post my comment because I do mean every word that I say.
Dillion : I get your feeling too…
Same for me. People see me as “the guy with nice body” so they wanna suck my dick or fuck me, nothing more.
Humans were made to be coupled up. It’s in our DNA. So you can justify your neurotic reasons to infinity but no amount of “freedom” during most of your life is going to equal the value of a loving companion. You might see people in cheating relationships and unhappy couples but if that’s YOUR reason to not be in a relationship then your choosing fear, over self-love….because trust me when your an old man with nothing but the memories of parties and hot fucks under your belt, lets see those keep you warm at night.
RRR : I get what you say. I’m not against finding a lover, I just don’t find any for me. And fyi, I dont party or fuck around …
Having recently lost my partner of nearly 20 years to cancer…fuck yes I’m afraid of being alone! It was comforting to come from work to a warm, loving environment…it was a home. Now it’s an empty house, full of memories.
I’m not looking for a relationship again so soon after, but I do want a partner to enjoy life with…and I’ve lost that. When it is right for me I will seek another man to share my life again.
Well, when you’re 51, came out late in life, no one seems to be really interested, it’s very easy to imagine yourself dying alone. And wishing it would happen sooner, rather than later. Welcome to my world.
I have been single for the past 6 years and being 55 it seems hard to find gay friends where I live that are looking for a relationship, At times I like being single but other times I feel alone and wish I had a boyfriend to wake up to each day. Seems most I run into these days just want a one time thing or they are married and want a piece on the side and not a regular thing
Being single is a choice one makes. It does not denote that you are lonely, it’s just a clear indication that you are in it by and for yourself…for however long you choose to be. Here is the thing tho: when you walk into the local gay bar/club, and you see the older guy sitting by himself trying to get the attention of anybody for either a romp or just some attention, remember that he was once in your shoes…living wild and free, as single as could be. He never had a lover that died, or even a love of his life. He was just forever single…now he is considered a silver fox, a troll, or whatever term is used. In the end tho it’s just him and his stuff…it doesn’t look fun being him, but it could be. I’m single right now. It’s cool for a moment, but I want someone to share and build with. I want someone to grow and take over the world with…I don’t want to be the old man at the bar unless I’m laughing at the twinks and eyeing the muscle queens with my old man(as in older boyfriend/husband) next to me.
Being single doesn’t scare me. Being in a relationship with a piece of shit does. I came in this world alone and I will leave it alone. Doesn’t bother me.
To Dillon, I’m sorry you feel so defeatist towards gay, but trust me,gay life is life, meaning that there are more commonalities than differences in any other life out there (grass is greener mythology)you read like a very strong individual with burgeoning sense of self respect, I’ll tell you a spiritual secret; in matters of respect in the spirit world never ask the higher power to change a miraculous physical creation such as the human self, you divine as you are NOW, ask to change your circumstances that surround you. To my older brethren out there, remember the feeling of loneliness is temporary, and that water seeks it’s own level and always returns to its source. Meaning, have patience, it/he/they will come, hope this helps
I love being single I have been for over 10 years now, I do get lonely sometimes but I have friends and family around so I can always see them. I live in Las Vegas so the guys out here are way to stuck on themselves and they only will talk to you if the think you can give them something, if I wanted to be in a relationship I would probably go to a different state to find someone but then again I love living in vegas so I wouldn’t want to move out of state
I used to beat myself over not being in a long term relationship. But, really, no one is promised a relationship. It would be nice if it happened but it’s not worth getting depressed over. If someone never comes, that’s ok too. It’s ok being alone and it’s ok being in a couple. It’s what you do with circumstances that makes them bad or good.
I grew up in a large family and by the age of 14 I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to live by myself. As an adult I have been in relationships and I have been single. Either way I have always needed time to myself and would/will go to the movies, dinner, dancing by myself when I want to enjoy my own company. I don’t think being single makes you alone/lonely unless you don’t have friends, family, etc. That belief causes too many people to enter into and stay in relationships that are not happy or health. I’d rather be single than in a bad relationship any day! I ended my last relationship in 2001.
There seem to be some very prevalent stereotypes about physical beauty, aging, etc that I feel need rethinking. Physical beauty does not make the difficulties of any relationship easier to deal with unless you’re the type to choose a partner who puts you on a pedestal and idolizes you. In which case you’re the difficulty being dealt with. As the gay community has expanded and diversified surely we realize there are many places to meet someone other than a bar, whatever age you may be. And being in a relationship is no gaurantee that you won’t find yourself alone later in life as sometimes relationships fall apart, partners die, etc. Friends, family and your self are parts of a well rounded life whether single or in a couple.
What doesn’t seem realistic to me on here are the (occasional) seventy year olds who want a relationship with a twenty year old. I think a lot of us are guilty of being unrealistic in our expectations and that might be why we are alone.
I look at it from the opposite perspective: I’m not a fitness model yet still get plenty of sex/attention, so why the hell would I want to be in a relationship? Maybe relationships are only good for insecure people?
To Hussien,
Not all gay men go to and sit alone in gay bars when they get older.
Many have developed interests and passions in life besides gay related things to do with their free time. I know there are many who haven’t and that’s their own fault.
Gay is just a sexual orientation, it shouldn’t and doesn’t have to dominate a person’s entire life.
Some of us are just lone wolves. I am perfectly happy being single. Maybe someone will come along who I fall for and change my mind, but having seen my parents and many friends go through ugly splits when things turn sour, I decided long ago that a relationship is not something I need as a priority in my life.
‘Scarpien’ well said. And very true. And I know many who are like that, who get into relationships because they’re afraid to be single or can’t be single. It’s a co-dependency, looking for outside sources to make you feel good about yourself.
I am sure people have judged me about being single for so long. It’s because I’ve not found the right guy yet. Whatever the reason is, it’s my issue, and where I am at in life. When the right guy comes along, I won’t be single anymore, but in the meantime, I am NOT just going to settle for anything just for the sake of it or to prove anything. I have nothing to prove to anyone.
NOR would I get into a sugar daddy relationship and buy someone elses love and attention. HELL TO THE N O.
People who jump from one relationship to another also do it because of the high they get, that puppy love, those endorphins rushing through the brain making them feel good, just like a drug they want to be together with that person every single moment. Then once that wears off, they jump to the next person and it’s an ongoing cycle. Like an addiction.
Can’t ever see myself being in a “one and only” relationship with a guy. Few of my buds do either. There seems to be an understanding that as guys, we like ongoing sexual (and more) relationships with other guys simultaneously.
If you’re a “one and only” guy, great. There are guys out there looking for that. I’ve chatted with a number of them over the years. Once we’ve learned what we were looking for, we moved on. It’s all just part of the fabric of men.
I find this to be true in most instances. I’m a 6’5 black man living in NorCal. I like to bottom from time to time and to find a top that would be willing to tope me it’s like finding a needle in a haystack sometimes. I just think it’s weird. I know that I’m a big dude and all but I have needs too. In most circumstances a guy likes to be dominated by a guy of my stature and vice versa and I’m ok with that. But come on let’s be real a good ass is a good ass no matter what.
I have been single for 2 years. My partner passed away suddenly two years ago. I occasionally have people look at my profiles and tell me I am cute or good looking, but I do not believe them. I think I will just be single forever because I am not sure I will ever be ready to be involved with someone ever again.
I’m single and have been for 15 years. I hate it but I’m not gonna put up with what you have to go through to have a someone in your life. I am very lonely at times. To the point of severe depression. I’m being treated for it but doesn’t do much good. Do I have times I want to end my life. Certainly. Tried 3 times. I’m 58 and been in the guy life since I was 16. It’s very difficult if not impossible to be happy and gay. It’s just the way it is. There are exceptions of course but for the most part the gay people I’ve met have been unhappy. I don’t know the solution. We don’the want to be proper friends with each other. It has to always involve sex. What’s wrong with going to the movies, going out to eat or even just watching Tv together? It doesn’t have to be a date. But gay men think so. Oh he’s fallen in love with me. It’s sex or a big love affair. We need to learn the meaning of friendship. But sadly we won’t.
i ve been attracted to men siince I was 5-have never had sex with a womanbut work mostly w women and get alontg geat with mostpeople- I dont make friends easily and hav lost 6 of my best friends in the last 15 yrs-3M now 61 and hv never had a lover -the 4- or so bfsrelationships Ive had were short lived and ended badly- i have sex with one guy Ive known bout 4 yrs 1 or 2 times a mo and see another married guy every few weeks- wd lv to meet Mr wonderful and live happily ever after but not going to hold my breath- I have my cat Lucifer for5 YRS and he’s my best bud-I do meet new people on occasion and get naked and play but not very often-so come on by and play sometime
I’m 61 and single. Yes, at times I feel lonely and would love the company of someone who loves me. As I grow older knowing most, not all prefer someone 40 and younger, I have come to the realization what is more important in my life. Someone who loves me. I have started my quest of surrounding myself with as many quality people as I can who love me. A close friend is better and important than a bad lover or hot empty sex with someone looking for a $ugardaddy any day. In addition, family who really cares and loves me.
Nothing wrong being single, but when you finally want a steady relationship with a guy, well that’s tough, because most want quick hook ups or fwb. Oh and open relationships, the irony! Oh yeah, you must be porn model hot too.
I used to worry about all this, but with the few guys I’ve dated, I see I’m better off being single for now. Not in a rush trying to hook up with strangers I know nothing about, with no substance, and you know they’re lying about their status, age, etc just to ‘get off’. No thanks!
I was married for 14 years…i things didn’t work out (divorce not fron a sexuality issue). Ive had one long term man /man relationship ..4 years. I prefer having a partner. Living in NYC, I am not getting my hopes uo. It doesnt bother me a bit. A relationship shoyld be a match where each one makes the other the best he can be. I am ib a good spot in all aspects of my life. I dobt NEED anyone. They us a dangerous spot to be ib because you are likeky to get yourself in a shitty spot. Ive seen couples combibe finances after knowibg each other only a few weeks. I can take care of myself, and i am planning ob doibg so. My heart is still open if the right guy comes along…i will expect a scene lije in West Side Story though !