Gay Stuff : Courtship Is Important
YES, courtship is important in selecting a mate! Although 59% percent of survey participants are here for hookups, there is still a demand for same-sex couples wanting to consider their desires for life-time partnerships before setting their wedding date. In the “DAYS OF YORE” sexual intimacy was not present before the wedding bed! Over past decades couples have become accustomed to sexual activity before marriage—either as occasional trysts or living together full-time. This same trend has been occurring between same sex couples.
To minimize lifestyle conflicts, common interests are very important for any couple. NO couple has 100% common interests, but variances should be minimal to sustain long-term compatibility. Sustainable relationships are easier if a couple recognizes their similarities and differences and then make allowances in daily living. “Hookups” must be relinquished completely, or the trust factor will disappear and your marriage can quickly be “on the rocks.” The idea of open marriage borders on the same trust issue if it is implemented into any marriage.
With lots of discussion between two males approaching marriage, planning for a LIFETIME together will bring a couple closer together—not further apart. A couple can benefit from “pillow talk” in bed after sensual lovemaking. This is an excellent time to talk about inner feelings with each other, common interests and variances—especially discussing sexual activity that needs adjustment to maximize the intensity of your climaxes.
After very intense climaxes, neither of you will admit that there is any thought of an open marriage or hookups in the days ahead. BUT, the discussion must take place. Your goal should be to satisfy each other as lovers and mates to the extent that no one else is needed long-term to fulfill your sexual desires!
Members of A4A, would you want your marriage partner to say that he isn’t interested because he had sex with a mutual friend earlier the same day?
DAVID M in Texas
I’m a married man and have been for 48 years to a wonderful woman, but due to ED haven’t been able to have sex with her for several years, but my desire is still there, so I have met a male friend who we get together every once in awhile and suck each other off, he is married also but his wife doesn’t want sex any more, he’s a little more gay then me as he really loves mam on man sex, where I still like to play with a pussy once in awhile so part time male sex is just right for me.
To the question imposed here. I would prefer him being honest with me and tell me about his trist, but on the other hand I would question his sincerity about our relationship. Been there, done that, open relationship just didn’t work for me personally.
unfortunately gay relationship seems to last fairly short compare to lesbians or heterosexual relationships. We all know that men have higher sex drive than women, and they get bored after “messing” with the same flavor over and over. Whether or not a man wants to find a relationship with another man, I feel like it only last so long, or it starts to form polygamy/ polyhousehold or swinger. Although, There are exceptions (rare), like Mr. Obengefell. Despite being separated by his husband permanently, he is still holding his love.
Personally, I am so sick and tired of all of heterosexually married men trolling around at the local cruising spots, online gay hookup sites, dude fucking man up and deal with the commitment you made, and leave me alone, and no, I’m not gonna fuck in the ass on your day off while your wife is at work and the kids are at school or suck your dick right before your lunch break ends! Oh and I am sooooo tired of the “slut” in the supposed monogamous gay couple listing themselves as in an open relationship when they really aren’t. Again man up dude, and the inner work and ask yourself am I really ready for this for the long haul? The answer shouldn’t be predicated on emotional feelings or others circumstances i.e. Kids, mortgages, how good they are in bed, look at it as investment in time, money and property, I fully support marriage counseling for young couples gay and straight, more along the lines the”scared straight” program or in this case scared single, I think gay and lesbian couples should be made to go through a panel of gay and lesbian counsel of elders to essentially interrogate them on their marriage motives. Personally, I’m sick to death of this infidelity quagmire, if married and sexually bored work that shit out and leave us single gay guys alone please
I agree with Joey- open relationships don’t work for me either. Well most of the time I was the last one to know I was in one !!
Here’s the problem with any of this and where I think a lot of men go wrong; too many times in this lifestyle I feel as if we try to impose heteronormed(al) behavior on gay relationships. Truth be told, we ALL know that, generally, men and women are different when it comes to sex and relationships. They require and expect different things. So I cannot understand for the life of me why we keep trying and asking for a man (or two men) to date and court as if they are in a traditional str8 relationship. Truth be told, str8 men would not “court” women if they didn’t have to. Men’s sex drives are typically higher than women’s and men’s desires are different than women’s. I am not speaking to monagamy; I am just speaking to what’s required for men to be aroused. So, I say all that to say that our relationships don’t need to look like str8 people’s in order to be legitimate. You have 2 men relating as men do and that is perfectly ok no matter what that looks like.
I’ve been in long term relationships with both men and women ,, we were monogamous couples until it didn’t fit anymore ,, although not an easy thing to deal with ,, communication. Is the key throughout the entire process ,, we are all evolving in our journey of life ,,, when you share your heart and mind with a lover & we expose our true selves opening our souls communication. Of thoughts and feelings should always be a part of growing as a couple .. In the gay relationships if you both are communicating your true selves you would both know when it was time to ad some spice by a 3 way or … As long as both our secure in their own lives ,, and both of you have to be ,, try it in slow steps in time you may enjoy seeing the one you love enjoying himself and vice versa .. It’s not an easy process for all ,,,however if your love has grown deep with each other it’s natural process of life ,, men like to have. Variety I know many couple in their 20 plus years together enjoy the occasional fun of another if you take the time caring and loving one another take have what ever rules you both feel good with its just another step to make your love stronger than you ever thought posiiBle ..
Usually in hero it doesn’t least long when a 3 re comes in to play ,, most women prefer the 1 on 1 .. Not all mind you
And these are only my experiences ..
I was always more of monogomous man with time and inner work I was able to get past the thoughts of betrayal etc ,, but I am happier now that I have ,, been with my partner /lover 25 years now an see
No end it site !!!
Be happy
To answer the question. It depends on the day and how horny I was. I’ve been in that situation many times as I was in an open relationship for a long time.
Someday’s I’d not want sex with my primary lover as I had fucked a fuck buddy earlier. Other days when I was super horny 3x that day would be about right so I was down. Same deal on his end too.
It ALL comes down to OPENLY communicating. It was hot when I’d turn my lover down and he would come back with “Well I’m claiming you tomorrow so tell your boy toy.”
I would like a relationship but I’m too picky I guess. Only fems who are smooth with female features and transgenders interest me so I got 2 strike against me before I get up to bat. If you add in the fact that I’m black and total top… I don’t have a chance.
Once again, a condescending pronouncement about what a relationship must be.
Relationships are not one-size-fits-all, and their success or failure depends on the individuals involved.
The statement that premarital sex is a recent phenomenon is a myth.
Coming from a large family with nearly everyone married I see the variations that exist in marriages. I know the ones that are bored and carry on, I know the ones that are cheating and hiding it or get upset if the topic arises. There is an expectation of remaining part of the smaller and larger family that keeps many of these marriage together. That is what may be lacking in the world of gay marriage (not lesbian marriages). We need to become part of the fabric of the family we live in to have our marriages survive and keep the inner demons and those bent on destroying our relationships at arm length.
I like to travel for a particular sporting activity and I was lucky to find a partner who is a greater fan that I am with this sports. It is not about the sexual encounters, but more so about the time spent enjoying each other just doing ordinary stuff.
I’m 58 and I’ve found that real love relationships between men just don’t work. They say they’re so in love, live together, set up a home together but still go and have sex with other men. Or have a open relationship. I had a 5 1/2 year relationship with this guy and thought it would last forever. We lived together just like any married couple. We sat down at the beginning and agreed there will be no cheating period. I don’t think he cheated on me and I certainly didn’t even think about another man for that time. But as time went on he started to take me for granted. He thought well I know Richard loves me so much I can treat him anyway and I can get away with it. Not so with me. I told him at the beginning I will give you everything. I will be loyal to you. I don’t cheat. It’s just the way it is. I told him a year before I left things have got to change. Didn’t work. I started to have physical problems and depression. He didn’t care. But he believed me when the moving truck showed up. He started crying. I said I told you, begged and pleaded with you to sit down and work things out. You always walked away. Well now it’s my turn. Now everybody in God’s creation won’t come before me. So I left. I moved to where he was from in tenn to be with him. I went back to va. So for 8 hours I drove and cried every mile. But I got it out of my system. But I went 7 months before I went out with another guy. No sex in that time. Now it’s been 15 years and honestly all I’ve met have been complete total assholes. So I doubt I will ever have another real love relationship with a guy. My conclusion. They don’t exist.
A survey here not even two weeks ago revealed that when it came to gay guys here and relationships, what they were looking for was revealed to be:
Hookups: 58.9%
LTRs: 26.7%
Other: 14.4%
So along comes a blog post that focuses in on the 26.7%, but assumes monogamy, a very singular type of LTR. It does exist but seems to be more “Holy Grail” than attainable. In the case in this post, sexual satisfaction is the pinnacle where “Your goal should be to satisfy each other as lovers and mates to the extent that no one else is needed long-term to fulfill your sexual desires!” That seems pretty narrow.
Many couples consist of partners who play outside of the relationship alone or together with others. Perhaps for them there’s more to their relationship, more to satisfying each other overall, than sex. Sex is a factor, but not the main one that binds them together.
If monogamy is truly what both partners want, so be it. Great, as a matter of fact. But even here, posters reveal that successful monogamous relationships are rare.
So how about a blog that explores non-monogamous couples’ relationships and the factors upon which their relationships are grounded?
I completely agree with Hoover, not really that much i can add, if this was a social media blog I’d give it a +1 lol