Speak Out : Marriage Equality! Now What?
(This post was written by a member of A4A, if you too would like to submit a text, send to : blog at adam4adam dot com)
Yesterday was a happy day for America as the Supreme Court of the United States ruled 5 to 4 that Marriage Equality is now legal across the nation, superseding all State constitutions and striking down all bans. Millions of people all over this nation are now celebrating and I’m sure parties and clubs will be going on well all over weekend and soon Clerks offices all over the country will be flooded with couples ready to commit to one another.
But after all this struggle and success, is this the final push to change the stigma of the gay community and its ideas of relationships and courting rituals? Specifically gay men.
From a young age, girls are indoctrinated to start planning their “special day”. Flowers, dresses, food, why most girls have it planned before graduation, even if they don’t have the man. But with men it’s not expected much besides what kinda stripper they want for the Bachelor party.
I came out in 2003 graduated in 2005, Massachusetts legalized marriage in their state in 2004 and for the first time I started to actually think about my wedding. Nothing fancy, but like what songs would I play, where would it be and such. I still don’t have very many specifics planned but I do know the multi day bender of a Reception will be a celebration that will rival the days of Bacchus/Dionysus Worship of old.
Two of my very close friends have been married for some time now. One married his Navy husband in DC for the Federal status and then had a private ceremony in Chicago. The other a courthouse wedding here in Florida soon after forced legalization. Both of which were more advanced in their years than me, all parties of which had already played the musical chairs sex game of gay youth and after growing tired of that game settled down with their now-husbands.
But I believe growing up in a nation that at the time just flatly denied the right of homosexuals has damaged us in our capacity as gay men to understand and appreciate real human emotional connections, instead we favor quick and instant sexual gratification. This has been going on for decades and of course will not stop now with this ruling, but now will the next generation follow suit?
Running my blog, writing for A4A, all in between my now chosen profession of writing and my day job, I’m finally finding a balance between my fiction writing and my articles. With that I’m constantly on the look out for things to write about and review. Recently while rummaging around on the Google Play store I came across a new bear community “social networking app” that also has a webpage that you can access with your account and so I started to fill my information out with a keyboard as opposed to my thumbs, and was soon stumped and kinda depressed over two of their questions.
“The funniest thing that’s ever happened on a date”
“The sexiest thing that’s ever happened on a date”
I’m 28, I live an hour from Orlando, an hour from Daytona Beach and I just came to the crushing realization that I’ve never been on a date.
Never.
Not a true blue, asked out by a guy to dinner, or held hands at the movies, romantic comedy style, happy go lucky, lock eyes instant chemistry date. Nothing.
Obviously I have no issues with getting myself out there, I’ve had my fair share of rejections from these sites from guys who I feel I could have had a connection with, but as a member of one of the gay fringe body type groups was typically just ignored and never even got a response. I’ve had an OKcupid profile for year and I’d been on MANY gay “dating” websites but like most only used them for sexual adventures.
With the shadows of doubt in my mind that even if I found a guy, that I wouldn’t be able to share or abuse the “sanctity” of marriage like my straight brethren. Growing up with this as a “norm” really has effected how I perceive relationships. And it’s not just me;sure I know there are those who don’t, but having sex on the first date is totally acceptable and even expected by most guys. Hell, it’s not even a date, it’s a hook up. That’s what most “dates” are guised under when it comes to the majority of gay men, it’s what has happened but will it continue happening?
Now that little Steve growing up KNOWS that he has the same right to marry Adam in any state, is that going to make him and the next generation of homosexuals more virtuous? I can certainly hope so.
Please don’t read this under the ideal that I’m not ecstatic for the amazing change that has happened to our nation today, I am. I’m thrilled for those happy millions out there who can now join one another and show the world and more importantly the next generation that marriage is obtainable and accessible to everyone in love, not just a man and a woman.
But now that our nation is changing it’s views, it’s time for us as a community to change our views as well. No we don’t have to become celibate and pious. But now is a time to truly started respecting ourselves, our bodies and our futures with the open options that the next guy we find could in fact easily be our husband, no special license , no running across state lines, just love.
Of course I also don’t want to imply that EVERYONE out there is destined to get married and live happily ever after. While I’ve never been on a real “date”, I’ve had relationships. Healthy and unhealthy, and while I do enjoy my single life a lot, there are times when it gets to me. But I have to admire being single because it has taught me a very valuable lesson. That love starts in your own heart.
The most important form of love to learn; the love of yourself, the love of your body, mind and spirit to allow yourself to become able to be the yin to an unknown yang. To be able to actually go out on dates, to plan a future, to plan the perfect wedding. I wonder what August Bride is gonna look like now?
But thanks for listening to me, I’m looking forward to getting back to work here. I’m writing up a storm with fiction. I have three series’ cooking, all with LGBT relationships ,set in fun, different genre’s and even a graphic novel in the works. So let’s look to the future of BloggerBear and mankind as today is a day that America will never forget!
Congrats America, and congrats to those couples lucky enough to love themselves, and to love each other!
BloggerBear
What is the next fight now?
HIV Cure
Do you know what comes after marriage rights? Divorce rights.
Got news for ya…the parties and all are attended by guys like me…the ones who survived the Holocaust intact. The Millennials? “So?” They don’t understand coming out of a bar at 2 AM and being shot at, or being followed around by a carload of creeps looking for a beatdown. Something’s been lost here. Yesterday was the most momentous day in the history of gays in the US, and a whole generation thinks it’s “no big deal…I don’t want to get married anyway.” But I got to see it in my lifetime, and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful, I don’t care WHAT the little snot noses think!
Legalization of polygamy
Denial of tax credits to organizations which refuse to honor SSM
Removal of govt officials who refuse to honor SSM
It’s gonna be so many divorces, it’s gonna make you’re head swim !!!! Gay men are the most unfaithful people on the planet”” threesomes, foursomes and the number never stops… They always gotta have someone else in bed with them other than that one they suppose to love””
It was already a joke, To much drama, don’t marry him, he gonna take all you’re shit and run !!! Find him, fuck him, and forget him’. That’s the motto, stick with it’. You’ll be better off !!!!!!
I’m not even entirely convinced that marriage – in its ‘traditional’ context of ring bearers, flower girls, horse-drawn carriages and vaulted cathedrals in the Disney Princess vein are really all that valid for the typical gay man.
That vision of marriage has its roots in a distant time when families chose the partners for their respective sons and daughters as a way of making alliances or business partnerships from the earliest times when we discovered that cities were a far better idea than living as nomadic tribes, or even further back as cave-dwelling hunter-gatherers.
In short, marriages were designed for the convenience of the tribes and clans involved, to perpetuate heirs and generations in a time when life was much more fleeting and fraught with few, if any, guarantees of making it from year to year.
We’ve always been, and likewise always will be a minority population (perhaps nature’s check on overpopulation that has ceased from its role due to modern technology) and we might do well to be open to other concepts of union.
I’m hardly marriage minded – but as close as I would come to it might be in the form of a Dom/sub ~ Master/slave situation where I collared a boy whose company I found pleasing (and where he’d be giving himself to serve me).
And I’m sure that there are a myriad other ideas out there: but in my observation, the way most gay men I’ve known are hardly attuned to marriage in the exact same manner as a woman has been trained to expect, and fewer still are mature enough to really enter into it with the same expectations of monogamy.
“Yesterday was a happy day for America as the Supreme Court of the United States ruled 5 to 4 that Marriage Equality is now legal across the nation, superseding all State constitutions and striking down all bans.”
Newsflash: There are Americans, even some gay Americans, who understand that what happened this week was judicial tyranny, and the advance of a Leftist agenda aimed at turning this nation into a stinking pagan-Statist cesspool. Cheers!
The Constitution is for a moral, responsible, self-governing people. A self-governing nation does not wait with baited breath for nine self-aggrandizing tyrants in black robes, five of whom are basically HACKS, to tell us how we’re going to live, e.g. undefine the institution of marriage.
If you like being pawns for unelected, unaccountable, self-aggrandizing dictators, there are plenty of nations around the world where individual liberty is unimportant or nonexistent. Those are nations where the Leftist agenda has come to fruition, such as Cuba, North Korea, and Zimbabwe.
As a veteran I served and took an oath to support and defend the Constitution. The Supreme Court was never intended to have the kind of raw dictatorial legislative power it exercised this week. In a well-ordered world, Congress would quickly strip the Supreme Court of any authority to decide cases involving marriage.
It’s the Left which believes that the end justifies the means. If you fail to undefine marriage at the ballot box, just impose it through the judiciary and declare it “a happy day for America.”
The Left, especially the anti-American human wrecking ball occupying the White House, celebrates, because the destruction of a civil, free, prosperous, self-governing, Judeo-Christian nation, using Statist monstrosities such as Maobamacare and the undefinition of marriage, is occurring at a breathtaking speed. Cheers! Happy day for anti-Americans.
Well North America is the 1st fully inclusive continent now for the rest of them and we still have work here to Change attitudes about GLBTQI people and their rights as human beings that is now law in all of North America
No More Premarital gay Sex or you will go to Hell. LOL
I am very sorry to say this but if this law was made legal maybe 20 or 15 years ago, I would be very happy and astounded by it. At that time, the majority of relationships were meaningful, trustworthiness, loyal, and here we go, dare I say it….monogamous. Yes alot of the samethings that happened then are happpeneing now but not the extent as it is now. We now live in world almost very different from the 1990’s which was only 15yrs ago. Yes, the LGBTQ community definitely has had its struggles but it made us motivated and pushed us to be faithful and loyal to our “partners” and subjects. We viewed our partners as our true equal and didn’t give up on the relationship so easily.
Now, its a different time. We as gay men, are constantly on different apps looking for sex or the next best thing…you know, grindr,scruff,tagged, a4a mobile,bbrt mobile,squirt,etc. Because of these actions, it seems we as gay men have forgotten how to stay faithful,loyal and truthful to our one and only significant other. We as gay men seems to have lost the vision in the art of love and being truly intimate with our partner.
At first I didn’t but now I understand why the majority of lesbians, true straight people, and confident bisexuals see us as ” hoers” or “sluts”. We seem to no longer have that passion in what real love truly is or now was. Do people now view “open” relationships as a way to share their love? Is gay marriage now just a passageway to say you’re part of the movement or a way to become financially stable and do whatever or whomever you please? What will the gay divorce rates be in the near future and how will they affect gay couples who have children?
There are so many questions that needs to be asked and answered appropriately and accurately but the main one is….What is the real definition of gay marriage? Most people would say the same concept as a straight marriage but with the same gender obviously or another LGBTQ person.
I come from a place where any marriage is truly a sanctified union of two individuals who will become one in The Name of God. Vows are made to be fulfilled and never broken. Sex with other people outside of the marriage was seen as a true sin. Im not saying adding another sex friend to the mix after sometime is an example of being unfaithful. But now in the world we live in, sex is such a commodity and so easy to get. Why should marriage even be a option?
Im just saying we need some old skool Mary J. Blidge back who can tell us what real love is and maybe we can finally wake up to see it and feel it. But until that time comes and when I finally see all of these so called ” partnered” guys offline is when I will support gay marriage.
But this isn’t the 90’s or 80’s anymore. Its some kind of new sexual revolution that we are in in which case marriage shouldn’t be apart of.
Im sorry but as of this day and age, gay marriage you do not have my vote. Same sex benefits however, Im all on par with.
Thanks for reading this far and I respect all comments if any are to be made related to mines. May God bless you guys and me..haha. Be safe…;-).
Quit bitching and get a life!
Quit bitching and get a life…
I really enjoyed by our article. I, too, hope to find that guy that will be THAT guy for me. It does somewhat depress as I think about when my last date was…. I’m 29 now and I have only been on a handful of dates. Hope that will change.
Divorce, splitting up assets, spousal support, collecting on your husbands social security, custody battles with the children, joint income tax,
With rights comes the responsibility
Not all bad, just saying
Big Fizz, it’s too DAMN little too late,,,,this repressive country SUKKS !! I feel sorry for all the gays who lived before this decisive moment,,,,,they were persecuted since the beginning of time – eff SOCIETY, especially the repressive churches. ! I would’nt marry a guy anyway, I’d rather marry my 1967 Mustang GTA V-R-OOOOOOOOOOOOM BOOM CHUCKA LUCKA BOOM !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So well written, its taken my breath away. I wish I could speak to this guy in person. smile.
Congrats!..we did it…now what? We cannot stop the push in this great country for equality. We cannot become complacent…we must now maintain our integrity and respect to be recognized as a force. We should continue being responsible, voting, tax paying people who prove to America that our time has come. Together we will bepowerful!
Thanks, BloggerBear, for your insightful and thought-provoking comments. I enjoy reading well-reasoned analysis of gay issues — especially when written by a member of the “younger generation.” As a gay guy in his late, late 50s (okay, okay, I’m 60), it’s nice to know there are thoughtful, articulate younger gay guys out there.
I really don’t give a damn, I in it for the sex and nothing else.
I too am pleased that gay society can be afforded the rights and responsibilities incurred by marriage. My dilemma is this,
Even if I legally marry, I can still be fired from my job and it isn’t classified as discrimination based on sexual preference.
What repercussions may occur if one gets married joyously only to find that their employer fires them for sexual preference?
Higher divorce rate that’s what’s next
Like I said in the previous topic, marriage equality is a great step forward, and it should be celebrated.
But it’s only one step. Next up are the various Religious Freedom Reclamation Acts, which will be used to deny us our rights.
And don’t forget that we can still be denied employment and housing.
Enjoy today. Tomorrow it’s back to work.
The few remaining issues in several states will likely be resolves in 12-18 months probably with some Federal court intervention. Nonetheless, conservatives and the religious right will pursue legislative initiatives to limit marriage equality for decades similar to their incessant attacks on Roe v Wade.
The next battle ground will be fought on the issue of religious liberty. Conservatives and the religious right will wage pitched battles on countless fronts some with merit others with less merit. The opening salvos have already been identified: wedding cake bakers, florists, photographers and videographers, wedding DJ’s, wedding reception venues, musicians, caters etc. In short the whole wedding industry. Some have merit others are far fetched. Does a baker who makes, frosts, and delivers a wedding cake materially participate in a same sex marriage contrary to their firmly held religious beliefs any more than a gun dealer who sells a firearm arm to a person who commits murder materially participate in a homicide?
Aside from the wedding industry, the exercise of religious liberty can be a pernicious assertion given a little creativity and ingenuity. Can a faith based college or university which provides married student housing prohibit same sex spouses from their housing? Can a faith based retirement community or nursing home prohibit same sex couples as residents? Can faith based elementary and secondary schools deny admission to the children of same sex couples? Can physicians refuse to provide medical care to the children of same sex couples? Can employers who provide health insurance to employees deny that coverage to same sex spouses on the basis of religious liberty? Hobby Lobby exercised religious liberty by refusing to provide for contraception for employees. Can faith based adoption agencies who received state tax support refuse to provide adoption services to same sex married couples? What does this exercise of religious liberty do to their tax exemption for such faith based organizations? If faith based organizations refuse under religious liberty to provide services to same sex married couples, can such organization continue to receive tax payer funded assistance for such things like related educational services, adoption, free lunch programs, etc.??
There will be decades of litigation around these issues. Special interests groups will provide boiler plate legislative language to elected representatives in each and every elected assembly. Countless cans of worms on very slippery slopes are in the future of all Americans. The Supreme Court will be engaged in these issues for generations and depending on who is elected president and who controls the US Senate, nothing can be certain.
Happy Stonewall Anniversary !
can still get fired/not hired for being gay
can still be denied adoptions for being gay
can still be thrown out of rentals for being gay
still a whole lot of anti-gay bias out there – police, schools, churches, sports and so on….
ironically, I was not hired for a job because unbeknownst to me, my boss and his boss were gay and didn’t want to give the impression they only hired gay men – funny now…
Marriage equality is a wonderful advancement for those who desire to have the opportunity to marry whomever he or she chooses to love. It is a chance for those who have decided to commit themselves to someone they love. Not every gay man is just out to have sex and leave. Ultimately, we choose how we want to be treated by others. If we think that all we are good for is a one night stand, then thats exactly what you get. If you feel that you deserve a guy that respects you and treats you well, then make sure you are doing that for yourself first. Then choose a guy thats willing to do that. It may be hard to realize but you can find those guys anywhere. There may be less of them, but they are out there. I beleive that all guys want to be respected appreciated. Some just for a night, others for a life time. I think marriage is wonderful for the two that are in it. But gays should not be held to a higher standard in marriage now that is legal everywhere. People have issues that effect marriage gay or straight. There will be infidelities and divorce amongst gay marriage. Not because the people are gay but because they are individual people with indidual human issues.
Meanwhile,presidential administrations will come and go. Laws will be changed mostly for the better. Gay marriage was a civil rights issue. Just because gay marriage is legal doesn’t mean that all is well in the usa. When people fought for racial equality and won, a sunny beam of light didn’t descend on the usa and everyone got along. There has been advancment but there are still haters out there. I expect the same will be for gay marriage even if you do or don’t dream of a perfect gay wedding. Lets hope for those that want to celebrate their union and day of love will do it in peace.
What’s next? A reality devorce court, will be funny to see all the queens bitching and fighting over what little assets one has accumulated and now has to split it up with a cheater. Too funny! Lol
The fight at hand now is children’s rights to genital autonomy. Stop strapping baby boys down and cutting off part of their penis. End circumcision of children. If you really love the look of a circumcised penis than go consent to the surgary your damn self when you are of age. You wouldn’t tattoo your baby to look like dad. You wouldn’t pierce your child (other than perhaps the ears)to look like dad. Why would you mutilate his genitalia?
A insightful, intelligent and we’ll written piece, Bloggerbear. As an old fart of 65 who has seen a lot in his years, you do your generation proud. I wish I could give you a big ‘ol bear hug. Incidentally,my husband and I have been together 35 years and married for six. We married in Canada before it was legal in our state.
(I loved the subsequent comment about how we are anxious to conduct our lives according to the musings of nine non-elected, old, mostly men in robes…so true.) Regardless, and amazing day for all Americans…not just gays.
What’s next you ask? How about equality among ourselves, the gay community?
I can’t help the sad feeling for the country over this decision. I want to see prosperity in my country, but this decision is clearly a political one. Politicians suck.
Is the gay community wanting dominance in politics? I feel I’ve always had equal rights, so what does this decision do? It only highlights the fact that SCOTUS is swayed by opinion and not the compelling words of the Constitution. Are we waging war? ‘Cause that’s what we’re gonna’ get!
So much bitterness, cynicism and frankly, ignorance have been reflected in these comments!
Note to conservative contrarians: The U.S. Constitution has not been violated or compromised. Fact is, the U.S. Constitution never spelled out the specifics of marriage. Why do you think so many Bible-thumpers have rushed to enact one-man-one-woman legislation at the state level? They were trying to plug a gap before someone else plugged it with a more relevant definition. Yes, it would have better suited your worldview if this change could have been accomplished by legislation or popular vote. But the main problem is that the sea-change of public opinion was creating chaos with administering taxation and spousal benefits, where some states had legalized marriage equality and others had not. Some authoritative body (The Supreme Court) had to step in and say, “Enough! It’s going to be this way for ALL U.S. citizens.” The framers of the Constitution were wise enough to know they couldn’t anticipate how society might change in the future, and they created the Supreme Court to bring clarification and consistency as the Constitution had to be interpreted for future generations. For this reason, the Constitution was inked on parchment, not etched in stone.
The problem with leaving marriage equality to popular vote is there are too many backward, uneducated, superstitious, self-absorbed people who think their lives will be better by imposing their beliefs on everyone else. They forget that the United States was founded on the principles of freedom and justice FOR ALL. If popular vote was the final arbiter, we would still have slavery, alcohol prohibition and criminalization of interracial marriage, to name a few.
The rest of you Negative Nellies just don’t get it. As I stated in a previous comment, this decision is about more than marriage equality. It’s an official statement by an arm of the federal government decreeing that discrimination against gay/lesbian individuals is no longer accepted. Get over your cynicism and appreciate that fact. Save your bitching and moaning for anti-gay job discrimination, housing discrimination and other kinds of discrimination. Don’t worry … there is still plenty of work to do.
I wish the Supreme Court had not had to rule on an issue that relates to adults, of majority age. I believe that a right available to any person of the age of majority, or to any emancipated minor, must be available to all having such status, except where individually restricted by due process of law, for individual misdeeds, not related to any Bill of Attainder presumptively declaring group criminality because of presuppositions about such group or members thereof, except where such group be voluntarily joined for a purpose of intent to actual criminal purpose.
I lament that persons sworn to defense of the Constitution would consider abrogating the decision, by an Amendment providing only for one numerically or gender limited definition of marriage. The Constitution has two major purposes: (1) to describe, assign, and limit the power of the central Government, and (2) to confirm and acknowledge the INHERENT RIGHTS of the (individual) People.
Where one Person has a right, every Person has that right. Wherever we attempt to deny a right to any group, collectively, we attempt to say it is actually not a right, but a privilege for only certain ones. A right is accepted as inherently possessed by virtue of life itself, not permutable, nor removable by any entity or agency or Government. The text of the Bill of Rights makes that clear: the rights are enumerated, not to limit them to the whim of those in power, but to STIPULATE to their unimpeachable existence.
In short, no majority can decide to remove arbitrarily, the right of any minority nor member thereof, for the right is the individual possession of each and every Person, beyond the reach or control of any other Person. That truth is the foundation of the purpose for which our forebears sought Nationhood. They confirmed it, over time, by Amendments declaring minority Persons, and women, to have the same rights as majority males, because a Person is a Person, period.
And whereas, laws respecting “an” Establishment of religion OR prohibiting the FREE exercise thereof, are unconstitutional, civil servants, sworn to, or hired by persons sworn to, the Federal Constitution, or the State Constitution, where it is not at variance with that of the United States, are not at liberty to impose their religious will on any Person whose beliefs may offend them. And if any person, barring a breach of the peace or similar disruptive or assaultive act, should seek to obtain and pay for services available to the public at large, he may not be refused because of religious or personal discomfort. Has a Catholic waiter refused to bring beef to a Protestant on a Friday in Lent? Has a gay tailor refused to fit a tuxedo for a straight man’s wedding?
Equal rights for each and all, is the premise of our Nation. Any less means we are no Nation, and if so, we have no Government, and if so, they have no authority anyway. In short, refusals are not valid in any case, whatsoever. These are the United States, “From Many One”, to which we have pledged allegiance, with Liberty and Justice for all!
(If this site permits, the essay may be quoted in whole or in part, by anyone who wishes.)