Speak Out : I Am Pissed!
Hey guys, I was on A4A yesterday and this guy came to talk to me. Beautiful, sexy, muscular, hairy chest, intelligent, handsome…I mean the kind of guy you can’t find in Montreal! He wanted to meet. I didn’t want to meet yesterday so suggested we could meet today (Friday). He said “ok”.
Today, I messaged him, he doesn’t reply. Then I asked him why he was not replying. He answered ” I was turned off by your profession”! I was shocked. Last night I had told him I was a stylist/personal shopper and also social media/blog director at A4A. I remembered I looked in his profile the day before and could read “profession/age/race irrelevant”. So I went back to him and pointed that out. To be honest I was pissed by his comment. I don’t personally define myself with my work. I am a 32 years old gay dude, I work, I travel, I love animals, I love sex, I love fashion and many other things and my work is only something I do, but it’s not me. It’s not my “life goal” !
My point is, am I the only one who is tired of that bullshit? We spend time trying to find a man for sex or for a relation, but then when everything works and there is a fit and then I hear crazy shit like this, I’m very disappointed by gay men. So what I’m saying is “Man Up” and be real! If you write something in your profile, act accordingly. And don’t make people lose their time with such stupidity!
Pissed Dave
Sounds like you have a very nice job my friend. Maybe he thought you wouldnt get back to him but when you did he came up with his lame bullshit answer.
Your profession wouldnt bother me at all
I agree!!
People dont all behave as we’d like them to, especially here where every response is subjective. It comes with the meal. This is also a place where people act viscerally — they may have only wanted to connect in the heat of the moment; they may never have wanted to connect and it’s just a game they play when they’re bored. You can only be responsible for your own behavior, anyhow.
He think your fem. That why he act like toward u
I totally agree with you Dave people should uphold what they put in their profile, well you think a decent guy should. So Dave I say be pissed I would.
RIGHT ON !!!
you know what i personally hate abouy guys online ( mostly older in this case ) , you bitch and moan that younger guys only want sugar daddies or ask for things/money. but then a younger guy who can keep a good flowing conversation, is nice, and doesnt want to use a guy comes along and im expected and told to be more like the other guys my age. so i guess its time to learn how to be a superficial, plastic asshole if i want guys to like me
In the same vein, I get pissed off at guys who post here or on Craigslist that age is not a factor (I’m 61). But when you contact them, you never hear back from them. When guys specify the age range they are looking for, I will respect that choice (even though I wish otherwise). As you said, “If you write something in your profile [or ad], act accordingly.”
I agree with Ken but also understand your point. Let’s see if I was a Waiter or a Doctor? Which guy would you prefer to date? this is a hypothetical question 😉
so if i understand correctly, you were interested in meeting him because he met your criteria of “beautiful, sexy, muscular, etc.” but because he subsequently decided that you didn’t meet his criteria that it’s ”bullshit”? people change their minds. i think there’s a double standard here.
In total agreement. I hate when what you “say” doesn’t match watch you have “written”!!!!
Yeah well that’s snooty gay folk for ya!
The guy was probably not real. That is why they dont show up. It is a game to some people and they are not who they say they are
People can change their minds at any time about what they want. Not anything you can do about it
Dave, no offense dude, but you need to learn to take rejection better. You also should stop reading too much into short statements made by strangers online!
Whatever the reasons he provided, my guess is that there was just “something off” in what he perceived about you… enough so that he called off meeting.
Still, for whatever reason, he decided he didn’t want to have sex with you…. and the truth is, he doesn’t OWE you an explanation or a reason. Perhaps if you’d been dating for weeks and THEN he called things off, you might be due some explanation… but this is a stranger on A4A… you owe him nothing, and it is mutual!
Remember the context here… this is a site where dudes come to find someone to get naked and get freaky with… Sure, some guys find more… most guys find even less. That’s life, and that’s the modern Internet, and that’s A4A!
You both sound annoying. Rejecting someone due to a generally normal profession is lame on his part and even more so due to the fact that claimed he didn’t have that bias. Blogging about it makes you seem like your whining about being rejected once by a guy. Join the club. Be pissed off about more important things than having to move onto the next random guy. And don’t use the phrase “man up”. It’s a phrase used by so many bad fathers and others to make their young gay sons feel less than others because they might be effeminate. Its sexist towards women by suggesting that someone needs to be more of a man and thus less like a woman. It’s not an issue of political correctness it’s an issue of not leading gay teens toward depression.
Dave,
1) First of all, you have a job. Big plus in my book. But you job is different and is varied and is interesting.
2) I’ve seen your picture. I would fly across the country to go out with someone as hot, sexy, and handsome as you.
3) He must have been playing the game that a lot of younger guys are playing on this site. And all he could come up with as a excuse not to see you was this lame bullcrap.
You have every right to be pissed. Someone who is as special as you does not need to be flicked off like a used cigarette.
Hugablebear: thanks man , nice of u:)
sir as admin here that shouldnt surprise you that dishonesty and flagrant attitudes are abound here. I do however sympathize with your frustration. its very common for people to “flake out” here. to most subscribers “this isnt real and unless the person on the screen is “desirable” You could possibly not even be responded to.., even if you followed the directions in said profile to the letter. Ive had convos with people on here that due to whatever was said or perceived, caused them to block me… or because i didn’t have enough pictures, or didnt list penis size, or because i dont post x pics. ive met quite a few in passing at local venues and they all of a sudden want to talk to me because what they assumed wasnt true of me… suddenly im desirable..but im not interested because they have shown me their true character. the clientele here is extremely fickle and quite subjective.this is potluck..and its continually a screening process.
Sadly what happened was when he saw what your position was he basically misjudged you thinking you were this flaming queen and decided he didn’t want to be bothered. You get that a lot on the site don’t take it personally just move onto the next he was probably just looking for something quick definitely was not worth your time at all.
Maelmalemail, it’s comments from gays like you that give Dave something to blog about. Stop being so petty and rude. Anyway, gay men in general are shallow which is why a lot of gay relationships fall by the wayside.
Its the nature of we fagellas. You surely have this whole
trace (glance), smile(wink), unlock (chat), letz fuck (bring guy home). Don’t waste ur time with persnickety,
wishywashy, flakes, fakes, liars, thieves. Chat a4a versus in person. I had this daddy/boy down to finish college in San Francisco. Now my mail are the 20-35 that want the same.
I’m a transplanted San Franciscan came out in high school in 1971. Yeah I’d fly to meet you any day.
I agree with Hugablebear. I don’t think its that you don’t take rejection well, what I read was the fact that the guy did give you a lame excuse. I’d be a bit peeved myself.
In his defense, maybe he got nervous, I mean damn if I had been chatting with a hottie such as yourself I prolly call it off(maybe the pictures he had weren’t his) and wanted to spare himself the humiliation.
I think a simple “sorry, not in the mood” would have been appropriate. And lastly, learn a lesson from your dog-Just kick some dirt over that shit and move on!!!!!
He was apparently interested in having sex with your profession.
I have to agree there game players on here I hate that shit two
Might be an intimating performance to amount to sleeping with the blogger. But that’s just a thought I can gather from the conversation.
Could be nerves or maybe your profession is off putting and unreliable idk. But ya another almost. Next
Sorry to say this but welcome to the real world this type of action is becoming more and more common on here and it is very Rudy and yes it is a instantly piss off
So why do they put them self out there and done follow threw with what the ask for or say they will do?
It waste every body time and really undermines what this site was designed to do
I am beginning to think that it’s all just a game not only on here but on the web and they play with your time and emotions. I try to be open and up front with guys that start to talk with me and then into it they pull the rug out from under you. Photos aren’t theirs, they don’t live anywhere near their stated city, let alone in the same country. I’m about to check out Gabriel from the previous blog post (Dec 4, 2014). At least he’s not going to lie or pull the rug out from under you.
Yeah,
I have had the same type of experience in my life before.
i suggest what works for me. Just let this mans’ words roll off you, just like water in the shower. You know it takes all kinds of people to fill the world. Don’t give him the power to harm you with words. Atleast you found out early, that he is an asshole. You seem to be agood man and you will find the right man for you. Chances are this will happen again. We humans can be so nasty but your dog loves you unconditionally. Keep looking you have a great deal to offer another man.
Sincerely,
Joe Thomure
It’s a4a. Get over it and move on. Plus he uses the word “irrelevant.”
Dave,you always come across as an incredible guy. I wouldn’t reject you.
No, your not the only one. Gay men have evolved into pretentious assholes truth be told. I often wonder if this lifestyle is all just a hoak played on unsuspecting idiots like myself by the universe itself…no ones luck should be this bad. Keep pluggin babe, hopefully the Gods will see it your way soon….
Hey Dave. It sucks. The EXACT same thing just happened to me. I met a guy here on Adam a week ago who said he was going out of town. We traded numbers, talked & planned on meeting up when he got back to NY.He told me he’d be back on the 4th so I messaged 10. When I didn’t get a reply back. After hours of waiting.
I have to say if you put something in your profile then it should be true because if you lie in it then it will come out in time. I am 50 year old overweight man, you know what it feels like just to say I like your profile to someone only for them to be rude and come back and say not interested. Excuse me I was just paying you a compliment! People in general have to remember words more then anything can hurt. That person sounded shallow so just remember your better then him anyways! Everyone I wish you would see the man inside of the man and not just look for the pretty package period! Just remember words hurt!
One more thing, its not the size of the mans dick that makes the man, its the size of the man on the inside that makes the man who he is.
Dave,
You are an extremely hot and successful young gay man and you should not let what that loser piss you off. He is obviously a fake and you can do better!
I feel your pain Dave! There are a good number of gamers on this site!
One can spend days, even weeks chatting with a guy. Then once he realizes you are getting in your car to meet with him, he come up with an excuse as to why he can’t meet with you. This has happened to me more than once. Today in fact!!!!!!
It is very frustrating!!!
Hey Dave. It sucks. The EXACT same thing just happened to me. I met a guy here on Adam a week ago who said he was going out of town. We traded numbers, talked & planned on meeting up when he got back to NY. Before ending our conversation, he told me he’d be back on the 4th & wanted to meet up that night, so I messaged him early afternoon to let him know I was STILL interested & hadn’t made any plans. When I didn’t get a text back, I didn’t think anything of it until I saw him online here on Adam… obviously cruising for a hookup. I waited a couple of hours thinking he might respond to my text message but when he didn’t, I texted his profile here wondering if we were still on for that night. His response was “Oh… I saw that you texted me & maybe I should have replied sooner, but now that you’re asking again about meeting up, you seem insecure. This is a turn off and I think I’m going to pass”.
WTF??? I mean… does common courtesy even exist anymore between guys trying to meet up on this site? I’ve been a member of this site for years and I have to say that this not only seems to be the norm, but it’s getting increasingly worse. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I’m SERIOUSLY considering deleting my profile. I’m one of those knuckleheads who’s actually looking for more than just a hook up here, but now, I become so disillusioned that I’m ready to give up. Happy freaking holidays. (Sarcasm)
Dave – It is unfortunate that we teach our kids to define themselves by what they do rather than what they are. It’s easier to see the status that accrues to a scientist or a doctor rather than trying to assess the value of integrity, honesty, intelligence or heart. The guy made a judgment call based on something superficial (what you do, which is something that can change easily) rather than who and what you are. The loss is his. I’d date you in a heartbeat!
Seems like sometimes if u aren’t ready to meet someone or can’t meet someone at the moment they are chatting with u, they may lose interest. Or, maybe they found someone else to play with in the meantime. Also, I think there are guys who just like talking about what they would like to do with another guy, but they never or seldom follow through with it. My advice is don’t get too stuck on any one person. After all, there are a few billion guys on the planet who like to get off.
Yea…you’re whining Dave..and you’re self absorbed..get over yourself…do you realize how many guys on this site go months or maybe even years without getting hit on or have sex???
I’m very fickle on here. Sometimes I’ll be totally into a guy, the next day I’m totally not. Some people tend to make excuses as to why they’re rejecting someone. That may be the case here.
I’m surprised you are pissed. You are 32 years old have you not experience silly rejection like this. I know I sound rude or jaded but a lot of gay guys are shallow and will dismiss someone easily off the littlest thing ears, teeth eye color. You You honestly think good riddance because he would have found something else about you he didn’t like and dump you. Gay guys or guys in gneneral tend to forget that people have their flaws and that we are all human
.
He just was turn off by you being fem.The minute you said you were a stylish and like fashion is as you know associated with girlish fem guys usually ( you must be the exception)stereotype created by insecure gays. gays usually are ageist,sexist,prejudice,racist,misogynist etc.Then they cry why this society is so fucked up and superficial.
I enjoyed your blog post and agree that in this environment there is often little accountability … be it exaggerated stats, untrue pictures, or not measuring up to what is stated in the short profile. Yes – that is irritating. Totally agree on that one. But isn’t the real issue, is that all of us kinda generally know what we want and when we do not get it … it just sucks? There is just hardly a good way to deliver or receive a rejection – and that is it. You sound wonderful and I am sure there are many guys out there whom will love your career choice. Take a lesson though and give other guys whom you may not initially be attracted to a chance.
Dave I have been down that road many times. No you shouldnt be pissed. he changed his mind and it was a randome hookup no one owes you anything. Took me a long time to accept rejection and I still find it very hard to take. You have everything the majority of gay men are looking for and oh no! someone said not interested to you and you get pissed. From your blog i can see you are very superficial and thenk a lot of yourself and would kick me to the curb faster than the speed of light if I tried to contact you. Just saying. I doubt this will be published as I have never been able to get anything on here positive or negative comment.
Preach Chip haha love it.
Welcome to the real world of Adam4Adam
I agree. I sometimes I read profiles that say “I’ll talk to anyone” or “HMU I like guys of all ages” and when u do, they say ur too old. I don’t get it. If u say something like that, do as u say or don’t write it down. It’s fucking annoying. Another one is like they say meet at your place and when u set something up, they ask if u can come get them and take them home. Like really?? Some guys are so fake. They need to learn to be more honest.
It’s very easy to hide behind email or an online ID. As with most of these sites, there is a lack of honesty by all. I just it’s the nature of this scene. Everyone is looking for that fantasy “ideal” hookup or guy of their dreams. It’s easier to judge a 2 sentence profile and move on than to have to meet, converse, and politely say that it’s not the right fit.
Dave, I hear yah, most of these profiles don’t seem to match up to the persons character. I try and remember this site is basically a meat market, the steak that looked delicious one day, don’t necessarily look that good the next day, dumb I know, but that is what happens when men think with the wrong head.
No offense, but there was obviously no fit as you say if he said your profession turned him off. So for him, profession/age/race are irrelevant when he agrees with them.
Men hardly take time to refresh their profiles to reflect where they are intellectually. People change, profiles seldom do.
Be grateful he screened himself at the outset.
I would guess that he interpreted “stylist/personal shopper” as “obsessed about shoes and purses”. Or perhaps he thought “social media/blog director at A4A” meant you were a porn-obsessed whore. Regardless, be thankful that his baseless biases screened himself out of the running without wasting any more of your time.
Once again people are on here not understanding what the blogger is saying. What the blogger is saying since everyon3 claiming he’s whining, is that his time was wasted that he could of put that time towards someone else. He can care less about being rejected. Its how the person went about it was very immature just like some on ad4ad. I had some who I either spoke to for a few days, a week, or a month to just disappear like poof. I don’t care why you stopped talking to me, but I’m upset that you wasted my time don’t care for yours. If he really that sad that he stopped talking to you for your profession is sad for him and his lost. Not every dude who works for a salon, clothing store, and etc is feminine…just like the old post he had about thick men and muscular men where just because the man is 200 pounds doesn’t mean he’s thick, but I digress.
Dave: don’t be disappointed or pissed…be happy you didn’t get to meet someone like that…you are better off..guy on this site are varied…some good men are on this site..it just what you run into…after all it is the needle in the hay stack game. one day someone real will show up. keep looking…
It is frustrating when people don’t mean what they say or do not hold to their word, but that’s life. All the time and energy spent on those who are not reliable, will distract you from establishing an authentic connection. Furthermore, having high hopes and expectations in the online world is probably ill-advised and kind of naive.
Dave, I’ve read other posts from you similar to this one and you seem to continue to put a lot of concern and effort into guys who are not doing the same for you. Sure it can disappointing, but you should find other ways to validate yourself and not outsource so much of your power to these men. I’ve had excellent conversations with guys on this site only to have them stop responding for no apparent reason. I don’t see any reason to allow something like that to bother me. I get that you have very specific tastes, but you obviously have things to offer and are very attractive, so it’s kind of odd that these rejections affect you so deeply. You seem a bit desperate/hard up and you certainly don’t need to be.
I read all the comments before commenting. I agree he was superficial, do not take rejection too seriously, and, Dante, please, email me!! I also find that many (not all) men on here have fake profiles, that is why they never meet, and they get off on having men come to them who they would never get if they were really themselves. Now, they might get a more appropriate person, but, that requires being truthful. Adam is a chance to lie (not lay) for some.
That’s the typical in the District of Columbia. A lot of B.S.er’s He was a fake if he did not like the fact that you were totally open. It’s such a shame that the a lot of the gay community discriminates within. I have had the same issue for the past 3 weeks. I am a communicator and a financial enforcement officer with a badge and that usually turns them away. I have thought so often to go play for the other team, while my real and true friends often try to encourage me to wait it out. Keep your head up man!
I’d say he’s just another shallow moron. Our jobs or professions don’t (or shouldn’t) define us. I’ve worked for minimum wage and i’ve had jobs where i made well into 6 figures, i’m still the same person. I can’t believe someone would not meet because of another persons job, just plain stupid.
Christian?…..i think i’d rather date the waiter.
Dave, you got some of your own medicine and didn’t like it?
Dean has nailed it. You can have standards/requirements but if another guy does, that’s bullshit?? It has to be a two way street.
After consideration you weren’t a connection for him. No big deal. No drama is needed. Grow up. Move on.
Maybe the real issue is the constant shopping for Mr. Next. Why not be part of a small team of good men you can count on to socialize with and play with repeatedly instead of a non-stop search for “once and done” guys?
Hunter0500 : he contacted me…. so yes he had a connection to me…
Dave,I don’t live far from Montreal….I find many guys on this site in the Montreal room to be…different. I am not going to be insultive or ruse to anyone but clarifying this. 9 out of 10 times, can’t get them to even respond!
Hey, men this is a hook up site! You stay true to yourself . If I got pissed over being disappointed by a T total stranger not meeting my expectations or because he lied on his profile I would stay pissed off most of the time.You cast a net you pull it in and hope for the best. .peace
So man i have try to meet some guys on here face to face and NO ONE shows up what up with that there not what they say there are so they not show up i’m about to give up on all this and move on i’m bi but i don’t have that much b.s with the girls wow .
Grow up.
Was it that important?
I agree with Maelmalemail. Stop wasting time and energy on him. It happens to everyone, gay or straight!
Why not use a more generic title like “I.T.”, “entrepreneur” or “self employed”. I’m here for sex. Employment doesn’t matter. If you hit it off & want to date, ask. Interpersonal communications. It’s what we did before the age of information technology. Sometimes we put too much of ourselves out there. Just look at pics 😉
You don’t mention what his profession is or didn’t you bother to ask? I wouldn’t take his comment to heart, maybe like myself he has a “preference” for guys with the mindset and life style of someone who is more low maintenance, scruffy, rough around the edges and not caught up in a materialistic life style.
Guys reject others, knowing exactly what they want or feel they need on religion,race,politics,height,weight,age,dick size,financial status, or if they are vanilla or not all the time. What difference does it make what the reason is, accept when someone is honest enough with You and not waste your time when They know your not emotionally/physically/socially or sexually compatible.
With a 1 night stand no one cares if the” see the other again. Gay men seem to call it “dating” when they share non sexual activities with someone they have a Sexual interest in!
I rather a guy be honest with me for whatever reason, rather than waste my time.
I think he is full of him self .. maybe because he is good looking.. he thinks he should have his way with men .. how he wants..and where… how and when … U telling him u cant meet him when he wanted to .. its a form of rejection to him …so he could not stand the thought of been rejected. most men i find that are good looking they think the good looks as all they need to have their way .. well too bad good looks dont always cut it ..
Everyone has the right to change their mind and what they are looking for despite what is actually stated in their profile. However, if you make a commitment to meet someone, have the decency to let them know if you are no longer interested. Ignoring their messages is just childish!
I don’t understand why you’re “pissed”. You have one minor interaction with a ghost. You have taken this way too seriously. People put shit in the profiles all the time that contradicts their immediate actions. Get over it.
Maybe just maybe he was afraid of this… where something happens and you blog about it? he maybe like me an prefer to live a private life. with social media today everyone tends to put their life online. Which is not the desire for others. Just my two cents worth.
Dave it’s his loss. I’ll take you out anytime!
I’ve spent 3 years on this site and have not met anyone of substance. I’m an older “gent” and mostly have met only horned up 20-something guys. They’re cute but are not yet “formed”. The rest behave like a-holes. I’m a very mellow, friendly, casual guy who would like to make friends after relocating from my home in PA but all people want here is casual, non-involved sexual encounters. Please. Is this what gay life has come to?
I would be pissed too but there are guys on this website who believe they are not obliged to carry through on a meeting. It always seems like it’s a hit or miss here.
I have to limit my chats with guys because even though I can be horny I don’t want to have a lot of sex with different guys.
Maybe this guy was looking for convenience and someone else came along that interested him.
I’m not sure why your pissed off other than that guy is obviously a tool. I agree with you that there is too much bs on here, but I’m surprised you’re shocked by that- welcome to planet earth. I mean that in a sympathetic way-humans are generally selfish & each individual has their own agenda. Nice honest people are very rare unfortunately.
Flaky people are annoying, but, dude, get over it. You had one minor interaction with someone you’d never met, dated or talked to for extended periods of time. You’re whining about someone’s changing his mind? We all change our minds and have that right. He owes you nothing. Some people’s profiles state “no hook ups”. Well, often that depends upon the hour. Why should you get pissed when they’re contradicting themselves? Guys often don’t remember what’s in their profiles. People lie. People change their minds. People disappear. After one chat to meet up, he flakes, so what? You “man up” and stop whining, because such is a peril of dating.
Most of these guys here are here for nothing more than to get turned on and stroke. They have no intention of ever meeting even if you exactly fit the description of their “type”. I travel all over with my work, chat with many guys, and find it the same where ever I go. You chat, seem to have a connection and may even agree to meet and then nothing. Most of thee guys are simply “players”. I’m always upfront with the guys I am chatting with. If he doesn’t want to meet fairly soon e.g. “can’t till tomorrow night”, I always suggest we reconnect online the following day to confirm. Usually I’ll never hear from them again and I never totally plan my day/eve assuming a hookup will happen cause most times it won’t.
Preeeeeach
Dave! Don’t take it personally or so hard. People LIE all the time. Your profession was not the reason. People are just too “nice” (aka no balls!) say the real reason; that’s all. Do what I do, just say, “NEXT!!”
If people on here would just treat others as they would like to be treated, there would be very few problems on here. Honesty on here is by far the exception rather than the rule. And, by all means, don’t leave guys hanging, give them a reply even if it’s NOT interested
Yesterday, he was home alone and had time to play, on Friday, he was married and his wife was at home. Kind of like guys that message me from out of town that want to meet when they arrive in my city. When they get here they won’t even acknowledge me. It’s all about the moment. Block him and move on.
My experience is that people don’t tell others what they dislike about them and when they actually do, they are not honest. He could have given any reason at all to call off the meeting and you will never know if it was indeed the deciding factor. The guy may not even know what he doesn’t like about you specifically, and it could have been the mood he was in. That is why I like to use the word ‘chemistry’ – think about it – what else can it be, given you both look so perfect on the outside? Personal taste comes into play. Jobs define people whether we wish to accept it or not. That’s they way society is right now. It takes me an awful long time to know someone and for me to decide if I like them enough for a friend or for something “more”.
Our jobs or professions do not define us or who we are, unless you are a shallow idiot.
Christian…..i’d rather date the waiter
What is there to be pissed about? You DO NOT KNOW THIS GUY! This man owes you nothing! He does not owe you an explanation for not wanting to meet. He does not owe you a return e-mail. Move on. This here is a WEB SITE. Mainly used to get dick. Take it for what it is and live your bloody life!
Im with Chip on his comments above. He is spot on on all his observations, but here is something not addressed at all, and its the fact that most of these guys on A4A lie about their stats, have pics that are old (misrepresenting) themselves and then they get butthurt when they get rejected? Get a grip. You are far too trusting and you sound desperate for attention and acceptance. I prefer men that act like men, not whiny and petty and bitchy like women, so the “man up” comment is also spot on…You don’t like my age when I make it a point I put the truth out there so I dont have to cover up lies and misrepresentations later, too bad, don’t message me. Im not hiding anything, honesty is best policy, and the fact that men are shifty and deceptive as women, well that just people who have little character to start with. Get over it. You maintain a superficial site for superficial sex, what the hell do you expect?
Oh yeah.. I forget, the constant whining about how superficial people are and the constant bitching about the fact people have preferences that they measure you up by is just reflective of the narcissistic obsession gay/bi men have about their acceptance or not by others, and quite frankly it is so freaking old and tiring… Men need to get over themselves when they are so easily offended.. the politically correct atmosphere that is destroying our society is really making people very ANTI-social because it is so tiresome. We were better off before the sick Progressive mindset of forced acceptance took over and stifled people from being THEMSELVES in order to NOT (sic) offend others. PC is creating the problems, not solving anything…
i feel the problem is everyone just wants to hide behind thier computers when it actually comes time to meet they feel they dont have the safety of the monitor so they make up stupid shit so since we are all guys find your balls and drop the security blanket
Yeah I agree with the guy that thought u were too fem,,,lose the personal shopper/stylist ….just be a media director…u can fill the details later….
Mime was as far worst!! I chatted a few guys and they said I am super cute, sexy and more and want date with me or ever want have sex with me. After they are totally into me as much…..I told em I am deaf and can’t hear at all and use sign languages…..they NEVER talking me again after I told em! Huh huh?
the old passage be true to thyselfpeople are very quick to try and fit other people’s mold and forget to be themselves it’s always going to like you for who you are you’re good.. Points and 2 bad I’m a firm believer that what you write it’s what you mean cuz no one sits down and just write things on the top of the head
I would also suggest to our “brothers in cock adoration” that a little courtesy goes a LONG way. The consideration of writing “I’m sorry, I don’t think we are a good fit; I wish you continued suck-sess” goes a long way to dampen hurt feelings. Just sayin’.
Do you really expect that everyone on a hookup site will be logical, honest and consistent?
It’s almost more newsworthy when they actually are.
I hate the phrase ‘man up.’ Fathers have been using it to deride their gay sons forever.
And who the fuck gets to decide that their idea of what a man is better than my idea is? To hell with that.
Seems to me that this unknown guy rejected you in absentia
because of your stereotypical job. And you reacted in a stereotypical fashion.
I think you’re probably better off not having invested any time and energy on this guy. Lucky you found that out beforw anything got started.
The first time someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.
Sometimes it seems like a no win situation. Fortunately you didnt get the chance to get fall for this guy, and chase a relationship with someone so shallow. Sad, but true. Maybe he is looking for a “manly man” to fulfill some shortcoming.
DID YOU EVER THINK HE WANTED A HOMOSEXUAL MAN,
MAN4MAN NOT A GAY MAN.
GAY MAN= IMITATION WOMAN.
PUT 10 GAY MEN IN A ROOM WITH A BTLE.OF SCOTCH,IN A 1/2 HOUR ,YOU WILL HAVE 6 WOMEN!
Hell, I couldn’t blame ya for being pissed. I’ve been through the same thing on here and other sites. So Dave if I were you, I’d just take it with a grain of salt, block that idiotic fool and find you someone better. Not to mention, you’re a good looking guy, you’re getting paid handsomely, he’s the one missing out. Trust and believe PYRITE SHINES LIKE GOLD BUT IT’S NOT THE REAL THING! To hell with the fool’s gold. I guess he doesn’t know that karma’s a real BITCH!
At least he was being honest. People are allowed to change their minds, right?
Move on, and learn to take rejection better.
I agree, I will tell you something else I hate about guys on this site. I have had a few guys that both have made a nice compliment on my profile pic as I have of theirs & just when I think we are connecting and making plans to get together, they ask me to join as a silver member on another site in order for us to hook up for sex. Why in the hell do I need to register for some other site such as BDSM to hook up with a guy or a group of guys on this site?
“Beautiful, sexy, muscular, hairy chest, intelligent, handsome…I mean the kind of guy you can’t find in Montreal!”
Really? All of Montreal?
So you want a fantasy man and then get pissed when you’re fantasy doesn’t become a reality?
Sounds like an immature online temper tantrum. Go out and meet someone real.
Turned off by your profession huh? Hmmm. Could it be he’s looking for someone to support him, financially? Or could it be, that your job is not “masculine” enough for him?
Stylist/Personal Shopper and Social Media/Blog Director at A4A, this may appear to him that someone that does this for living, needs to return to school and obtain a degree in a lucrative field. I know how callus people can be on this site as well as others. Possibly he thinks you are not masculine enough for him. And then there’s always this to consider, maybe he is still in the closet.
He may be perfect physically, but it indicates he has a few identity issues. Forget him, and move on.
The_Inspector_069 : Yeah but I have a MBA, I owned a store from 27 to 32, sold it, now have my styling company and work for A4A, condo and car are paid….I mean, what more do u want ? loll
Dave….first off, you are professional and you do NOT need to justify it to anyone. I have seen your pictures and you are very handsome man. It is his loss not yours. Your expectations of him were too high. NEVER give a man that credit, even if he is considered the most sexiest man alive. The key to your search in finding a great man even if it is jusr for sex, locate any feel of kindness in him, if you find none…bail. Yes, kindness is the gateway to the sole of being a good man. I agree, gays today (most) have become too superfical almost as a woman. It sucks. It is hard to find a man that can MAN up nowadays. However do not dispair…your alive and you have more time to go hunting.
With all the problems in the world THIS is what you feel compelled to rant about? Good thing we have such lofty priorities. Frankly Im disappointed with gay people in general, a lot are becoming nothing but hateful hypocrites. Put aside the rather innocuous treatment from this guy and look instead at how gay people in general treat people who disagree with our lifestyle. We aren’t exactly painting a very positive image of ourselves out there right now. It’s no wonder we dont treat each other will much respect. What this guy did is nothing to rant about. Move on. I have a pretty good guess as to what image your job produced and therefore he wasn’t interested. I probably wouldn’t have been either.
I agree! Many times this has happen to me. The profile of guys says one thing, but when it is time to “bring it to the carpet.” you get another story. So many guys are full of BS, and it is getting to the point that I just spend time reading profiles, and know that it is what it is.
Try being a man in his mid fifties and HIV positive on this site, that will show you fear and rejection in a most unpleasant and ugly way for sure.
Gender, is often our most pressing question people have when they hear of someone else (‘I have a sibling/friend.’ ‘Are they male or female?’). According to Studs Terkle, the next most pressing question is WHAT DO THEY DO?
Like it or not we often think of each other as what we DO for a living. In your case, I’d say WHAT DON’T YOU DO? You listed a lot … you should be proud! We often readily discredit ourselves much more than others ever could, therefore, your self-worth should be tied to your goals & not just accomplishments.
One day; hopefully we will reach a ripe old age, our looks will eventually fade, our passion and libidos may falter, and it will be then that we can REST and be PROUD of our accomplishments! As for this (and other losers who say one thing, and do another), Have pity for him, and the shoal life he has relegated for himself. I have never been bothered by the behavior of hypocrites, let him be defined by his inabilities: to list honest statements, and to respond politely and say ‘no thank you.’ Your SELF-esteem should be tied to your self-knowledge — not to who’s willing to play hide the bologna. As I have stated in other blogs; he has done you a great service by helping you to avoid wasting any of your valuable time on someone so shallow.
Be well my Brothers!
Can totally relate to your situation…..been there, done that, it’s a bitch!
What’s up w/ the Gay Community, what ever happened to truth, honesty and above all personal integrity?
So many judgmental bitches out there, on any site….get real and honest.
If the guy said that the profession is not important, then it’s a bit ridiculous for him to reject someone based on their profession (I’m willing to accept a few limitations to that… like drug smuggler or hit man for the Mafia).
Had he NOT mentioned the irrelevancy of the job, thenit would be a lot more understandable to use that reason (excuse). Not that anyone who actually works should be rejected, but there’s no accounting for taste.
Oh but if we all had blogs to use for our own personal payback! Dave, you seem like a logical, intelligent man, who knows what he wants and goes for it. It sounds like this other guy is very much the same, realized that you were not what he wanted and decided to quit before trying. While I understand the disappointment, frustration and unrealized sexual prospect… I agree with several posts that you need to put on your big boy jeans and move on. As far as I know there are no guarantees here, only that you will be able to look, chat and possibly meet someone. It’s a site that provides opportunities, and you tried to take advantage of one that didn’t work out. Ce’la Vie. I wish you all the best and am not trying to be harsh, but I think that blogging about it on the site is below you and embarrassing to the other person, even though you didn’t name him on here. Just my opinion. Peace.
Matt
This is not based on reading the comments.
He probably did you a favor. That’s one way to look at impolite behavior that precedes and preempts a meeting.
Is foul language supposed to give gravitas to these blog topics?
Grow up and feel fortunate enough to have even gotten far enough to get his number and ‘plan’ on something. Have been on this site for years and have yet to meet with anyone let alone get someone’s number.
Remember – Book cover
There is not a scientist in the world that can understand the gay male species. My method works like a charm “BLOCK HIS ASS”. If you don’t block him, remove your profession from your profile, he will contact you again in due time wanting to hook up. He won’t even remember talking to you.
I suspect a lot of us do get annoyed or even pissed by rejection or nasty behavior by others on line. But no need to dwell on it. It passes quickly and only becomes more of an issue if you obsess about it. Kind of like the people that cut you off in traffic or do other annoying things. Take a deep breath and chill! You will live longer and will be more open to meeting the next hot guy who wants to hop in bed with you.
You went to the trouble of posting a blog just to say that a guy turned you down? My heart bleeds.
Brad : Yeah, why not? I manage the blog after all 🙂
I’ve been in similar enough situations before.
I’m going to guess that the guy really wanted right now. If that’s the case his on line status could have said so, or he could have said that in his messages to you.
Hopefully you offered a decent reason why you weren’t available for right now and preffered tomorrow. If not, you might have been judged as full of yourself. And that likely stems from his own self opinion rather than anything coming from you.
You say he had it all going on for him. Dave, you seem to have it all going on for you too. Now this may seem crazy but sometimes this type of a guy wants to feel he has even more going on than you do. It’s all EGO.
He agreed to tomorrow and that might have been sincere in the moment. Or it could have been the brush off.
When you messaged him again and he didn’t answer you should have left him alone. If he really was ok with tomorrow he would have jumped on it. If he really thought you were hot, and you are, he would have jumped on it. If he had some good reason why he couldn’t when you could, he would have tried to work that out too. It’s his EGO.
I wouldn’t have asked why he didn’t respond to you. I’m sure that was innocent enough on your part. But his EGO probably laughed at that to think he had this really hot guy groveling for HIM! His EGO was satisfied that he really was on top in more ways than one.
This sort of thing could go a step further too. If you totally threw yourself at his EGO’S feet with no self respect it might have been the bigger notch on his belt he was looking for. In which case you might have had wild animal sex. Then again, his EGO might have laughed even harder. I guess it comes down to how far were you willing to go to satisfy his (by now) you know what, and it wasn’t just to satisfy his dick.
Even worse, if this guy is seeing all of this now and recognizes himself, he’s probably having a ball with it instead of having some fun licking your balls.
Is there any room on A4A for a Dear Jeff column? LOL.
Well 1 basic thing you must remember in life is people are fucked up. Just look at the world with open eyes and the absolute truth of this is apparent. There is no -real- reason for the world being in the state it is. All the people without food/shelter/education/health-care is it -really- because of a true lack of resources or knowledge? No, it’s because people are fucked up and lack the sanity and yes perhaps even the decency to make things decent and right. Mostly distorted ego’s, and the sick greed that goes with it but also all kinds of crazy “beliefs” about who is “worthy”, and “righteous”… I could go on and on, but it comes down to the basic fact that people are not exactly sane. Humanity is pretty fucked up, and not just at the extremes thought that’s the most obvious. We all have our “issues”, just far too many for our own collective good.
so true
He probably assumed based on your profession that you’re one of these new age hard gay guys..you know, the artsy, fashionista who wants to be just one of the girls… you get that impression based of their work, the picture of them surrounded by chicks, etc etc. Can’t force a man to accept too much counter culture.
At least he responded to you. My issue is with guys that don’t respond, not even with a “not interested,” and guys who I do chat up for awhile, but then just drop off the map.
It’s fine to be honest and tell someone up front you’re not interested. That is the respectful thing to do. Leaving a guy in the dark by no response is quite immature. It also grinds my gears when I’m texting with guys and they just stop responding. Had that happen a couple months ago, left off on a Tuesday with plans to meet up and hangout, but come Wednesday, nothing. He didn’t answer any of my messages. All he had to do was say he changed his mind and that would’ve been sufficient.
It may hurt, but if the guy doesn’t want to meet you for whatever reason, it’s his right and kudos to him for saying so when so many others don’t.
Finicky faggots… tricks are for tramps.
Id classify that one as game player…. worried about your profession… dammit at least you have a job.. jeez
Move on with your head high… that bitch was scum.. nice on the outside, but icky in the inside.
Id rather date a troll that has a heart and is kind and giving than fuck prince charming who is HOT on the outside but self righteous conceited bitch on the inside…
And there are so many other profilers that falls into that category, which I term, “not truly knowing what they want” although they superficially state their interest. I see that as being tantamount to many profilers stating in their profiles, “friendship,” but when they are approached for such, they desire to know your penis size. What does penis size has to do with establishing a friendship? Come on guys; let’s try to keep the shallowness and superficiality to a minimum. We would be better off if we do.
Dave,
Get over it. You want everyone to want your body. You cannot take rejection well. Calm down
This can’t be the first time something like this has happened to you? Get ovet it and get used to it. Guys online are mostly inconsiderate douches.
i can strongly said %70 of guys in Adam4Adam are looser , they here for only verbal Fun and killing time
thats it,
I have had the same problem on here. Having one of those problems right now. I didn’t return his call at exactly 10 AM. well I only got the message when I went on A4A at 10:15 when i woke up. now i’m blocked what the hell. Sometimes I think I would have better luck getting at a local cruise area, at least I wouldn’t have to put up all this other shit.
you guys should get over yourselves
it’s a gay freakin site
gays are as fickle as the weather
don’t like it one minute wait an hour
and all will be chnaged
As if there aren’t more important things to be so adamantly pissed of about.
Rather pissed off than pissed upon. Here’s a tidbit to kick around you gay/bi heads and other holes. It’s a spiritual axiom that “whatever I find irritating about someone else is usually one of the things I find I can’t stand within myself.” That being said; perhaps Dave and we all need to take a look at ourselves.
men are men whether st8, gay or whatever…..most lie on ‘pick-up’ sites anyway, so take it with a grain of salt and move on.
I can understand that someone can have a change of mind. The problem I have is all down right rude people on here! Everything from demanding that you must unlock your pics if you contact them REALLY!!!!!! If you can’t reply to a simple hello or complement you were not raised right!!!!!!! Just because you are on your smart phone or PC, does not excuse you from manners!
bubble breaker if you think I will publish your multiple comments….ah! Learn how to behave and I might approve it. No reason to be impolite on A4A blog man. U don’t belong here if you’re impolite.
Yes guys u are right, i dont take well to be rejected, because I was rejected a lot when I was young so it hurts. Many say “grow some balls” it’s not about having balls…
point and check, ha whatever man, not sure what violated your code of behavior (truth perhaps), but whatever, and good luck in future
From what I remember you posted a pic of yourself here on a4a. I for one think you’re very sexy, and it’s strange that even a guy like you is fed up with all the bs that some guys put people through. I still don’t have a clue as to why, but I have learned that they will someday grow up, and find that being a jerk will backfire, then it will be too late to be a nice guy. Let this one go my friend, there are guys out there who can treat you just the way you need to be treated.
Are u kidding me?.
Some guys online to play games and test on u.
And some guys ask for email photos, never email your photos, that guy will probably keep your photos then post it somewhere on site without your knowledge.
Be careful!. And put your screen name across your photos like trademark.
There are some crazy flake guys online……
Now you know what its like to be over 50 and HIV+. I am good-looking, successful, great body, funny, fun and get rejected all the time. It’s unfortunate gay men are so shallow.
I understand your attitude towards gay men….I am a 74 year old gay man who has had a wealth of experience with gay life. Lived in Greenwich Village in the 60’s and have seen gay life evolve to one in which the gay community consisted of groups of “friends” man and woman who entertained each other in their homes…no bars in the 60’s and we were all poor but very happy in our relationships and our community…yes we were sort of ” closeted” but lead full complete lives..lives filled with family and friends…we were all in the same boat…
Gay life has become more open and with a sense of acceptance by society…But gays have changed in their attitude to each other…older gays are shoved aside and not appreciated for their life knowledge…and ones occupation was never a source of scorn…
We all age…and remember when your older someone will put you down or if your not making a lot of money told that your unworthy..
Gay life is not “gay” any more …the term should be “sad”
I can understand why you would be greatly upset because of profession but here is the thing if you are gainfully employed and earning a living legally, then it should not matter and you can’t be discouraged because someone else did not like it. I would try to know somebody first after a few chats before I meet that person especially if there are any potential issues or things that may throw up a red flag. There are times you have to proceed with caution because everyone is different especially in chats. Its all about respect and being adults we should respect peoples feelings. On site and chat it is hard but you can tell what you’re dealing if you are not in a hurry and you can make a decision. All and all, the person is missing out; therefore, move on. Someone is out there will appreciate you and will meet you face to face.
So many flakes out there, and so many don’t have a clue about what a relationship is, and most likely never will, which is quite sad. Caught up in superficiality and fearing real intimacy because it requires such vulnerabilty, the GenX and millenials are missing the boat. They’ve not a clue at how quitely their youth AND looks will fade. It’s a fact. So, keep on keepin’ on and you’ll be surprised where love will find you.
Bill
you are right!
I would not meet up with people who get rich off our taxes, esp. property taxes— cops, firemen, teachers, city, county, state, Fed employees, they don’t care if we get foreclosed on,,,,as long as they get their lard bucket salaries, vacations, benefits, retirement,,,,,AND the U.S. founding fathers rebelled against a miniscule stamp/tea tax???? WTF
What I do not get is why it seems like everyone on A4A tries to make the site out to be one big orgy fest when it’s not. We are supposed to be able to find real relationships as well.Many websites I have found online even ones that are supposed to be only chat based men have turned them into what seems like sex brothels and they were not meant for that purpose.I tell you I have heard many many things online especially on A4A from all these conceited men and not to be rude but most of them are bi sexual or men that have been with woman before.They use people and lie to them.They try to bully people,tell them that they should just go kill themselves.all the cuss words and some of my favorites from the so called “hot” people are * you’re not even in my league….go to a gym you fat piece of …..yes I have heard it all and seen it all.And I am sick of it. I am completely gay but I have been single and sexless for 7 years by choice because of these reasons.All the lying all the fake people using conceited and watching them do it to others it’s just pathetic.
You are not the only one tired of the bullshit online.
It’s Not about having balls…just your time was wasted on an individual who had pre-judgment about you. It’s his lost Not yours. Nobody has time to be thinking about someone who didn’t want to get to know you. Ask yourself this, you REALLY think he’s thinking about you? Don’t give them your energy.
I’m a bit surprised a guy with your connections and evident contentment with your life would even give a damn about what some shallow dick thinks about you. Most of us encounter these guys every day.
But I do agree with you; it’s not about having balls.
It’s about being a person that has some ethics, manners and decent values.
You’ll survive 🙂
Being bi I have come across this same thing with both me and bitches 🙂
Your profession isnt the problem, its just the excuse he used. Thing is he could have just been straight up and say he changed his mind. I learned long time ago, I’m not everyones type and what specific thing it is they dont like doesnt matter, I’m not what they want. Just like many are not my type or what I want. And sometimes the reason why would be hurtful (like telling a chick she’s to fat)
I had a few chicks tell me “I cant date you, I hate mustaches”. My response was, well there are these things called razors and I sure hope you use one lol It takes all of 5 minutes, if you’re someone I like I’ll do it however you want it. And said how many cool dateable guys you’re missing out on because you think they cant shave lol Do they think your facial hair style is permanent? Point being people are stupid and they judge you buy the dumbest things.
I understand why you would be pissed its what you do for a living it doesn’t define you as a person it a page in your book but not your whole story and it sucks but take a min for it and move on start a new chapter because one day you will find someone who will makes you forget this guy and make you feel like your the only guy in the world and you will live happily ever after
The reality is that there are more A-holes online than authentic genuine men. It seems to be getting more of a challenge shifting through the group to identify quality. But don’t give up – some of us our worth it!
I’m shocked to hear that this happen to you. if you wood have meet me and told me you wanted to meet I wood have loved to have met you, you seem like a very nice guy and someone that I wood love to meet.. I guess I am just like all the other guys on here lookin for the same thing weather is love, sex, or a relationship. So to say most guy are jerks cuz when guys read my profile and hit me up I dont state my status cuz I am poz and when I tell them every thing change, one guy moved to ontario in my city and we chatted and when we were gonna meet he use the term and said he had no condoms and then said he was tired he could have just told me the truth
You might have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. Has always been true. Even more so on the internet. As bad as it is on A4A, it’s even worse on the cellphone-only apps like Grindr.
For all the technological advancements we enjoy today, I sometime yearn for the old ways. Where making simple eye contact in a public place could say eons more than a phony 500 word profile. Today, who actually makes eye contact?
You will survive. As stated above, good thing you found out now. MOVE ON! A lot of US have been there. Grow from this experience.
Did you ever think that when you said to him that you cannot meet up with him “today”, but tomorrow would be best that he may have taken that as a rejection?
So in order to get back at you the next day when you thought everything was good he had to find something to reject you on. Your profession was all he could find. Sad… but it is his lost. You have a profession and you love it.
Many individuals do believe that their profession is who they are and there are those who buy into this singular mind-set:- “They don’t never have to pay, Don’t have no cars, hang around in bars, Try to hang around with stars”.
You should be thanking your lucky star that you did not waste any time on this “Beautiful, sexy, muscular, hairy chest, intelligent, handsome….” Did you say intelligent?
where are the real guys of substance and character? seems there are only a-holes and tricksters here…what is a decent guy to do?
But isnt that every other gay dude on here. All these lying bitches write in they profile what they want u to hear.. Cant trust these fuck boys. I agree dave
I agree with you Dave. I have responded to ads and someone says they’re looking for a bottom and that they top. Then when you get talking with them, they say THEY bottom and are looking for a top.
It’s time that people start writing what they mean…or just stop the lame BS. If they aren’t interested, just say so instead of leading the other person on!
(Okay…since I have a rant going, how about the older guys out there, being able to spell and use the right words. I know that not everyone can be English majors. I’m NOT, but I know when to use their, there, they’re and the MANY other sound-alike words in the English language in the proper ways! Makes me think how they look when they’re 30-something years old or older…in a professional position and can’t spell any better than a school kid)….HAHAHA
Okay, I’m off the soapbox!
No it’s not about having balls it’s about being an adult and understanding that you’re on a website where anyone can post whatever pics and lie about anything. I’m surprised of the level of stupidity whinning! Please blog about real shit not your little pathetic attempts to Fucking on gay website.
Well, not to offend, but I understand that reaction. For the most-part, profession doesn’t matter to me, but some people have the jobs that aren’t as common. I dated a porn start once which turned me off anyone involved in anything sex-related. I won’t date people who work at bath houses, as prostitutes, etc.
Beyond that, I believe your situation may be unique because you’re highly visible to a large group. I’ve read a lot of your stories and opinions (ones that have passed me off and ones I’ve supported). So, I would have a hard time knowing I was trying to date the A4A blogger too. You’ve just made yourself so accessible and, again, I’ve read some opinions and stories about you being “accessed.” Maybe that’s why. I hope you don’t find that offensive.
Sounds to me like Beautiful-sexy-muscular-hairy-chest-intelligent-handsome guy dodged a bullet.
Listen Dave, obviously this guy is a major ”douche” and is looking for ”quantity” over ”quality.” C’mon guys, show some class when someone compliments you and ”thank” them–common courtesy is a real bitch these days! Have a ”model hot” str8 friend is is sooo down-to-earth, friendly and well mannered. Some of these ”hotties” with loads of superficial qualities sure could take some lessons from him!
Blog, I definitely can relate to you on being rejected. I was an obese kid growing up, so it adds up to my shyness especially trying to reach out to other guys.
Seems to me you are one of those pisdy guys who freak out all the time. According to ur blog…it wasn t a connection other than to guys agreeing to meet n one back out….GET OVER IT……he cld have just flaked altogether….He at least gave u a reason n u got nutty over it….guys like u are annoying………no means no regardless of the reason……again Get over it it n move on
I fine most guys on here at least int he two cities I use this site. Are here to waste time, look at photos, get guys to unlock there photos so they feel like they accomplished something that day.
Few are really interested in hooking up.
I log on to see if I have a message, and promptly log off.
Same 7 pages of guys in one city, Same 11 pages of guys in the other city. Rarely does it change.
It is kind of stale.
I think that this topic could lead to a far deeper discussion:
Why do we define ourselves/judge others by occupation?
My job is what I do to pay my bills. It isn’t who I am.
At least once a week I’ll be chatting on here or elsewhere with a guy and he’ll ask what I do for a living.
I reply that I work overnights in a store.
The delayed answer I usually get is along the lines of ‘oh……nothing wrong with that’ or ‘no need to apologize. ‘
I wasn’t apologizing.
And neither should anyone else.
Hey man welcome to the world of cyberdating. U can be who you wanna be, you can vent, you can preach, and so on. The real answer to this issue is obvious. If you expect the internet to be your source of “hookups” or whatever, sorry to disillusion you. Most if not all people on web dating sites have one thing in common. “Bored and looking for something to do that doesn’t involve moving out of my chair.” And so it goes!
I don’t know why you should have to rename or remove your job title. It is what you do. If someone thinks you’re femme or too femme because of your job, screw ’em.
Join the club, buddy. I’ve chatted back and forth with guys on this site, thinking we’re getting somewhere, then all of a sudden, communication stops. Guys I’ve chatted and been out with often hit me up, not remembering we’ve already done that. Guys often have wording in their profiles that contradict their actions, so what? It’s called dating, dude. You don’t know this guy. You don’t know what happened as to why he flaked. Common courtesy doesn’t apply here. He owes you nothing. Move on. The world and this site are full of flakes. A fine flake a flake would be if a flake didn’t flake.
Am i the only one that yearns for the pre-internet days? You met people in wall to wall packed bars and found friends and hooked up, now bars are empty or half empty, now you spend so much time typing your ass off and looking at a screen, wasting precious time and at the end of the night you are bored as hell. I think internet is not the best thing that ever happened to gay life.
At risk of being critical, A4A is not particularly the best place for meeting guys,or for even friendly conversation.
I totally understand and you are not the only one. The guys on here are all about games. You are right this isn’t the place to meet anyone of any substance. The ones who are attracted to you are far away and those who are not are clickish assholes who only prefer Caucasian, Slim – Muscular, blue-eyes and a model look, who are not intelligent or can hold a conversation.
I am a proud African-Cherokee American mixed, educated, smart, intelligent and overall great. Where does this leads me and the rest who are like me who are looked over for who we are? I am a “mixed” and I love interracial relationships. So this is what I want my life to be. I also hate when they hit you up, have a short conversation before it turns all sexual- which is a turn off- and they ask you to unlock and then see your pics and never respond again. Who does that??
He’s a loser. Anyone who stereotypes like that and is “turned off” by someones profession because they view it as being too gay is not worth your time. They obviously have issues with themselves and their sexuality, either that or they need to stop being such a stereotyping hater of their own.
i would love to know how much of your time is being wasted on these “Annoying men”?
i would also love to know how much time you need in a day when one of your activities is perusing the internet for strange men? i have to blow my nose for a second, but im listening, so please answer swiftly.
everyone has precious time, but no one seems to do anything precious with it.
The thing is that people are looking for “””love””” in A4A. No one here is interested in that even though they might say it in their profile. IT IS ALL BS. This is a SEX SITE, and no level of delusion or denial is going to change that.
Seriously? Why don’t you just fault the sky for being blue? I only fault the guy for not being consistent with his profile description. I don’t fault him for being turned off by that, or any given profession. People get so easily freaking offended these days. Say you’re not into black or Asian dudes, and suddenly you’re a racist. Allow people their preferences, including their superficialities.
I never understood why what someone does as a profession has to do with the decision to hook up or not. The connection is a pastime. Meet up, have sex, and goodbye. Now if they’re good, I might keep them in my black book of hookups lol
I’ve learned . I don’t correct people . If they are 45 & have nothing but whory , untasteful pics online just ignore them the way you would if a guy asked u for money to buy drugs . It lets you know who they are and what’s ok in their minds. It’s hard being a minority . That’s life ! I was the kind of black guys white guys would say “you know I’ve never slept with a black man and once they talked to me and found out ons mostly no real personal – experience I hoped theI didn’t fit their Now that I’m 40 but in great shape I’m dealing with a whole new bag of ignorance online associatiy had enough sense to see most educated, professional middle-class people are similar and share a lot of values.
Here’s what gets me pissed: you flirt heavily with someone, they show a strong interest in you. As the flirting continues, you then ask to meet up. All you get is a “sure” followed by… crickets. For days.
Oh yes: then you have the queens who come on strongly to you. You set a date for the next day. The date says, “text me if anything changes.” The next day, you get stood up and they say, “I thought you were going to confirm” when NOTHING CHANGED.
W-T-F-????