Gay Stuff : Inviting Strangers Over

I will have to have meaningful conversation through text messaging on the dating site, and then if I’m feeling somewhat comfortable and want to meet I will suggest we meet up in a public place for a cup of coffee, if he agrees then I do it and have never had a bad experience. If he doesn’t like that idea then I block him and move on

I personally prefer to chat with a guy for awhile, before I give him the ok to come over. I have never had anybody stalk me, thank goodness. I find talking to a person for a time gives me a good idea of what the guy is about. I definatly don’t give a guy my address if he mentions he is looking for a serious relationship. Some of those types sound persistant to me, and relationships is one thing I will not be pressured into. A guy that comes across as desperate are a turn off for me. I am sure I am not alone here in my thoughts.

I feel the same way. I will only meet a person in a public place and access the situation before I have people over. I have had a friend robbed by blindly having someone over without meeting first..I also meet in a public place before going to someones house..

I have had strangers over a few times but it was understood it was a one time thing. I have never had your experience. But it reminds me of the need to be careful.

I am dealing with this very question quite a bit theses days. I work on the road & spend most of my time in hotels-thankfully alone. I am usually in a particular area for several months with my employer paying the tab. This is good & bad. I can usually host, but if I hook up with a nut it can cause problems for my employment. I recently hooked up with a guy who is quite nice, but he was messaging me like crazy the next day to hook up again-it was fun, but I am not looking for a bf. I try to be nice, but will block them if it becomes too much which is where trouble can start if you’ve had them over to your hotel room. I’m not “out” & don’t identify myself as gay-I love suckong dick & that’s about it (I have to admit if do it 24/7 if I could). I usually try to assess their motive-do they want money, are they dangerous, or do they just want a great bj. I am especially weary of younger guys, but it’s tough to pass on a 8″+ cock filled with young cum! Lol. I will ask them straight up if they are up to something…most guys will give a solid answer if they’re legit…it’s always a “butterflies” situation until you actually meet. So far so good, but being careful is wise.

Since “anybody can be anybody” online?

“Crazy People”? You BET! Seems that a plain old fashioned “no thank you” gets more HATRED that anything!

The last few “so called men” who wanted to meet up?

Let’s just say I’m glad I met in a public place. Period.

These days? If a guy doesn’t have a web cam or Skype on his phone (c’mon, peeps, it’s fucking 2014!) FORGET IT!

I want to see what you look like TODAY, now 15 years ago and 50 pounds lighter…………

Got it?

this is why women like to date men introduced to them by friends or to get to know a guy first and maybe date a few times before jumping into bed–to make sure you’re not dealing with someone obsessive, controlling or just plian ol’ crazy….the luxury for gay men in these past decades, a shabby one, by the way when one considers its cost, our questionable overall’ twilight world’ status in ‘polite’ society,has been the instant’ nsa ‘hook up . its very exciting to sleep wih strangers and perhaps that element of risk amplifies the eros…but yeah bringing strangers into your home isn’t always a good idea as anyone who’s ever had a personal possession vanish with a departing trick will tell you, even if you don’t realize the loss until days later. Thats what makes cruising on nature trails preferable imho if one needs to find ‘sex with a stranger’ – yet I know stories of guys who had wallets disappear while sexually carousing in bars and back rooms….I also know guys who have brought LOTS of strange men into their homes [and hearts, grin} and never had any sort of problem at all with feeling threatened, stalked or victimized in any way!

Jay, Not to be facicious but if he was a descent dude, good looking, and only wanted more of the same I must say I would include him in my circle of FWB. If it was good for you then why not? Evidently he didn’t trip your trigger that night, however you tripped his.

Hello Jay,
You have to make boundaries for yourself first and have options. You didn’t know the guy so if you agreed to host renting a cheap motel/hotel for the night. This would have kept him from knowing your actual living address.

I also let a friend know where I’m staying and I never have any valuables with me. If he’s hosting I text my friend the address, name, number and what website or bar we met. I don’t allow them to make me a drink or a cocktail without standing near them and watching to see what they put in it.

You can delete and block people you’ve given your number to…I have to do it often because of all the flakes and BS here on A4A.

This is going to sound creepy but, I get to the motel/ hotel first and hide a weapon between the mattress I case I need to get physical.

I have never in my many years of dating and hooking up have had to use my hidden weapon…but I know it’s there. I’m out and I think it’s harder for you not being out protecting your privacy. You have to be able to live life and take chances but you need to have a close friend who you can tell all your business to when you date or hook up.

Don’t ever give out your last name. Use an alias if necessary and a complete stranger doesn’t need to know about your job unless you’ve been on several dates and feel comfortable telling them.

Why invite a “stranger” over or go to a home of a “stranger”? If you ‘re doing that, there’s a problem. Chat with the guy ahead of time. If he’s pushy about hooking up NOW, that’s a bad sign. If I can’t chat with a guy long enough to get to know about where he lives, what he does for a living, his likes/dislikes on the workbench etc. and then meet for coffee or a beer where we chat for at least 45 minutes or so, it’s Game Over … happily. If you’re not going to conduct a reasonable job “interview” process, don’t whine when you find yourself sexually unsatisfied after the first encounter … or worse robbed, assaulted, or stalked.

First of all, this would not even be an issue now if the gay men didn’t get lazy and rely on these on-line hook-up sites. If we didn’t do away with all of the public cruising spots of yesteryear, you wouldn’t have to worry about meeting at a public place first, sending/posting pics, etc. At these cruising spots, you see the person face to face, and he see’s you face to face. If either one does not lile the other, don’t approach him or move on. there-done! But we got lazy and rather sit in front oof the monitor or on phones. Sure it’s easier, and you don’t have to get off your asses to drive to one of these spots, (which do not exist anymore) I sure would like to know why-so convience has it’s consequences and downsides!

My ex s tricks use to show up at our apt as well……n after i moved out on my own i knew i didn t want guys randomly coming to my place for an unannounced quickie so i don t have guys over…if i truly want to get off..i ll go to a bathhouse 2 hours away n gave fun all night long n get it out of my system

I still live a home which sucks. I don’t have anyone over I don’t know. I have missed out on some hot ass because of that but even though my parents know Im gay they have a strick no sex before marriage rule. If you break it then your out of the house no matter your age. I mean I can have sex elsewhere they just don’t want it in the house. On the few occasions that my partners go on vacation (cruise) I will invite FWB I know over. But can’t risk a guy knowing where I live just showing up. I did have an issue with this 18yo kid. He never came to my house but I popped his cherry big time and one day I got like 20 text in like 10min. I told him to stop but he wouldn’t, fortunately the next day Apple released the abil to block from phone so I did that. But his shit was crazy I know if he knew where I loved he would be camping out on the door step. To this day he posts on Craigslist sang he wants a bf and how last guy took his virginity and dump him. But I shurg it off because I’m always clear with hookups. I always state “this is just sex nothing more no love no emotion just fucking” not my fault they can’t understand that. But even if I wanted a relationship he has crazy rules. His post always says he want a bf bit always meet in a dark room and to never see each other’s face. He is nuts.

I live in a hi-rise with a doorman in a large city. I know my neighbors but don’t try to hide anything. If they want to gossip, I hope I can give them something good to gossip about! I prefer to host. I enjoy playing in my home. I think I’m pretty good at screening guys. I don’t have a problem asking anyone to leave if I don’t want them in my home. If I ever had a problem with someone, I have a guard sitting downstairs. I guess I’m lucky.

I think people are insane who invite strangers to their house or go to a stranger’s house. Doubly so for those who do it late at night – I’ve had more than one seem very interested and even arrange to meet up during the day and then have a “sorry couldn’t make it but I’ll be free at 2AM if you can come over.” No way in hell. I even had the guy actually show up, seem totally normal, but then “yeah I can’t do anything but I’ll be free at midnight”. I’m sorry if you work a job shift where you honestly can’t meet during the day, it’s still creepy to ask people that. Not that something couldn’t happen during the day!

You also can’t tell by how they act – someone who’s nervous meeting people online may “seem strange” when you meet them while someone who’s very suave and smooth talking could be out to rob you or worse. Make sure someone knows where you are if you go to a stranger’s house! Rent a hotel room if you don’t feel comfortable having them at your place or can’t host for other reasons. It’s too bad public sex is so risky.

A lot of people say it’s overdoing it or flat out paranoia but seriously, this kind of thing is *NOT* safe. People have been robbed, raped, and murdered meeting strangers like this. That’s not to say that most people aren’t just regular guys, and don’t go overboard thinking the worst of everyone, but better to be SAFE than dead!

Monogamy may not be for everyone, however you cannot hold yourself in such high standing when you are the one picking up a lot of “shady” people (to coin the phrase of another writer). We never really see ourselves as the shady character that want to just have one night stands with maybe decent folks (who you may describe as stalkers & shady). Like attracts like.

I had a hookup at a hotel once with this guy I had chatted with for a month long period, who said he was in town for business.

It turns out he drove 200 miles to meet me and not a business trip. After we hooked up I said thanks for the fun times and maybe later we could grab a coffee. He didn’t like that at all. Once I got home my phone kept receiving back-to back text messages. This guy was confessing his undying love for me and revealed he wasn’t on a business trip and wanted me to go with him back to his house 200 miles away! I told him that he was nice, I liked his personality and he was fun in bed and that I enjoyed our time together and that is was flattering for him to come all this way. But I didn’t know him all that well yet and if he wanted to stay in town longer and talk we could see if there was more potential for a long distance relationship.

He Flipped out, told me I was a liar and stopped talking. About a week later I got a text from him and it chilled me. “You played me, I’m going to play you. You are going to regret what you did I can promise you this.” He then sent a text with my address that I didn’t give, my parent’s address and my brother’s address. He said that they will know what a scumbag fag I am.

I had to confess to family about this and they weren’t happy but we got a game plan. Idiot used a random last name which he got from my last initial. My parents nor my brother read the letters. They handed them to me and I read them. He play by played our sexual encounter, He provided pictures from my profile here on Adam4Adam. He provided a long winded story about how I played him.

I told my brother what was in the contents of the letters, he said to wait it out and see what happens for the next few days and ignore all contact. The letters kept coming. He was obviously get more aggitated and upset because the stories kept getting worse. Day 4 he accused our hook up as a rape and robbery.

My brother told it’s time to go to the police. We went that day. I now have a restraining order and he spent 4 years in jail since the letters that kept coming in for the next 3 days after alluded to physical harm of me and my family.

Yes people do go that far and just so you know it’s not smart in the digital age to stalk people, the police will find you.

Jay, I have had several guys that really liked me or the sex a bit more than I did. I have had one guy who I met one night and he came to my house and we had sex and he did not want to leave and wanted to move in and us be BF’s. He was a bit wacko and I told him I already had a BF. He kept saying he had fucked me and I was so special amd kept contacting me but I never saw him again. I had a guy I met out in a store come here the same night we met. Had great sex and he did spend the night. A few nights later I was seeing another guy at my house and after we finished having sex and I was walking him outand the other guy pulled his car in my drive and got out and confronted me about what I was doing and who was this guy. He was mad and thought more of the sex than it was like we were in a relationship. He was ready to get in a fight over me at 1 am. Some guys can get wound up and they have feelings. I have had a stalker too and that is a long story. I have hosted over 300 guys at my home. I have had only two bad things happen. One guy tore up some things in my bathroom and he paid for them and another drunk tried to force himself on me. He was so wasted I had no trouble fending him off. I have beeen very lucky. I find out a lot of info on them before they cum over. Be careful and use your brain. My main problem is no shows. I hate that especially if I have went to a lot of trouble setting up a time and being clean and ready.

That is the reason why one tries meeting the person in a public place first then converse before taking them home. Precaution is cure…. With high cases of STDs out I don’t understand why behaviors or the mind set hasn’t change. Maybe establishing a FWB rather than these hookup sexual encounters from different people. We are not adjusting as a gay community and playing like its the 80s..

I’m from a smallish town, some 40,000.
Once, some years back, I went over to the apartment of an internet hookup.
We talked a brief while, he offered me a toke from a joint. I accepted.
Didn’t take long before I was feeling very odd. Not from the cannabis.
I ended up taking a hit of PCP.
When I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable and needed to leave, I was attacked, hit upside the head pretty hard, several times according to the medical report.
At some point that night I was picked up by ambulance. I had been laying unconscious out on the sidewalk; for how long?
Several days later, I finally regained consciousness.
The experience, being in a coma, has changed all aspects of my life drastically. It wasn’t until years later, that I even remembered anything at all about that night. Then it all started coming to me. Slow and very brief hints at first, similar to that of a slideshow in fast motion, blink, blink; progressing to full on memories of that night. I ended up in the midst of a complete PTSD meltdown.
I remember him saying to me, during the attack,”This is what you get for promising something and not delivering.”
I ended up loosing a career, closing down my private practice as a healthcare provider and leaving the state.
Be careful huh? Please?

I have people over that I do not know well. Im clear that Im looking for NSA. If they keep contacting me I ask them politely at first, and then not so politely. If they were ever to show up at my home unannounced I would politely show them my Conceal to Carry license and ask them if I will be seeing them again.

That is why I ALWAYS meet with someone in a public place at first: one, to make sure the pics I have received or viewed if their’ is in fact them, and recent, and two to chat with them for a couple of minutes to see what they’re all about. I can usually get a good feel for a person and their intentions in about 2-3 minutes of talking with them. If they seem inpatient, vegue, irritated that I’m making them do this, forceful, or disinterested in asking me even one question aside from something along the lines of “can we go back to your place already?” it’s a no go for me. I thank them for their time but tell them that I don’t think that this is really gonna work out too well and we’re gonna have to go our seperate ways. Most guys will be a little bewildered, say ok, and go on their way, I”ve had a few get irate about the time they’ve spent coming to my side of town. If that happens I take my keys out, exit the vehicle, with my drivers side door open I tell them that they can either exit my vehicle or I can call the police and have them escorted out of my vehicle. I’m not trying to sound like a dick here, I know I’m no prize pig, but if I feel like they are only interested in hooking up for one reason then then I’m probably not interesting in hook up with them, and when you first meet someone under those pretenses, you should always expect that either party may decide to change their mind, and that is their right, but they should do so in a polite, non-offensive manor at first, and the other party should accept it and move on. If they want to ask why they changed their minds, that’s fair, but the other party isn’t obligated to say why, and should probably just say that they’ve had a change of heart rather than to say something that could be construed as insulting or belittling to the other person. Nobody likes rejection, but there’s no need to be rude either.

I rarely invite people I don’t know to my home. There are too many dangers associated with strangers, from theft to murder. I actually had an acquaintance years ago who brought a trick home; the guy strangled him and then set fire to the house to try to cover up the crime. I prefer to chat on the site where I met someone. If they ask for an email address or phone number in the first conversation, I tell them I’d rather chat there a few times first. Most of them never respond after that, so I assume they are either scammers or people who want to steal my identity by getting contact information. If a man won’t chat with me at a4a, why would I want him in my living room?

I have, over the last decade, hooked up with hundreds of guys. I have encountered many jack asses, but never a threatening situation. I have found that the hookups which occurred almost immediately after contacting each other were the most fun, and the hottest. BTW, I live in NYC

I have had a couple of men over the years just through talking with them long enough to get the feeling that they are very needy and could be a problem. I never meet them. Just block them.

Hi Jay, I would have to say that not only is this inappropriate, but its really not the norm. Im 48 and have a very active sex life. This almost never happens. Its really important to be very clear up front about what you are looking for. letting them know that you need to be discreet and that you are looking for only NSA or one time. I also find that playing with guys who are already in open relationships might actually be easier especially if your not looking for anything but play….they are already unavailable and probably are needing to be discreet too.

I’ve had one or two strangers in my home here in the Mountains. But am bisexual and don’t host at all. The few cuties I did have in my home, I felt them out before this cock ever left my trousers. I also have two Huge Pure Breed Dog’s of the Guard Variety. So if anyone would have felt Groggy and leapt. He would have been a very unfortunate Frog indeed.

Apparently the old adage of your mileage may vary applies here to me.

I’m a massage therapist and have been for 26 years. I work out of my home so am used to having people I don’t know over to my place and have pretty good people skills because of that I guess.

When I’m feeling horny and none of my FWB’s are available, I’ll put up an ad offering a free erotic massage with happy ending to a guy who matches what I’m looking for that day. Usually get a TON of responses but not always. I sift through them and pic the one that sounds the best.

Now the thing is I’m in the heartland so not everyone has face pics they want to share especially if they’re married and on the DL. But then again I’m used to not seeing my clients until they walk up to the door so that doesn’t really bother me.

Sometimes they’re not as stated and I explain to them that hey this is what I do professionally so when it comes to playtime I’m very specific about what I’m looking for and that they’re not it. I turn it around on them and say they’d be disappointed if they weren’t getting what they were looking for too if the shoes were reversed.

Other times it’s like GOD himself has walked up to my door and I’m glad I didn’t press for pictures before meeting as it feels like my REAL lucky day. Happens fairly frequently too.

I guess part of it comes down to how they communicate. I’ve noticed that there’s a cadence to how those I’m not going to mesh well with talk in text or emails. If their syntax is off that’s a pretty good indicator that they’re not the most social of animals out there. If their replies to questions are evasive or ignored, they’re out. If they’re too pushy/forward and it’s all about sexualized imagery/fantasy chances are they’re too creepy for me. Basically I guess I screen for sanity. Goes a long way.

I’ve never had anything disappear from my place, I’ve never been pestered by someone I either rejected or spent time with. I guess it comes down to how you treat people. A little respect goes a long way and setting expectations does as well. Treating others as you would want to be treated is the golden rule for a reason.

After reading these comments, I realize I’ve been lucky. I have invited guys to my house after a few minutes of conversation online. I’m usually looking for nsa sex and many of the guys I chat with are married and don’t want to reveal much information. I prefer to see a face pic but some married men just won’t do that. One guy would only show a dick pic but after some conversation I invited him over. Even though my ad states I am looking for white men, when this guy showed up at my door he was black. His dick pic was not black. When I wouldn’t let him in, he became confrontational and started getting loud and making lots of accusations towards me. I told him I was going to call the police if he didn’t leave and I closed the door. Fortunately he left but I still worry sometimes that he might come back sometime. Another guy invited me to his house but gave me the wrong address. It was an awkward situation when a house wife answered the door. I miss the days of meeting guys in person at the bar and having a chance to talk before leaving with someone, but I don’t miss the smoke filled bar and inevitably drinking too much.

I don’t invite guys in my place the reasons I have kids with me.am a single dad and am protecting my kids from strangers if am not there.but to go to someone’s place without knowing them is a bit risk.scary as my experienced.specifically if u do not like the guys because their using different pictures in their profile. The mist scary one is if the guy closed all the locksbof his door and the blinds and pushed u to the bed like u are being raped.

I always met someone in public after chatting online first. It is easy to hide the crazy online but not so much in public. Body language is always a tell tale sign something is not right

The only experience even remotely crazy I have ever had was a guy who had radically different profile photos that his actual face.

I honestly only look for people who also only seek others who are free, safe-only and drug-free. I find weeding out smokers, alcoholics (occasional, social drinking is okay) and barebackers really brings down the level of potential crazies.

Was ALOT EASIER in the 80’s.!!! Cruising,Public places,adult theatres,gloryholes,etc…Ahhhh…THE GOOD OLD DAYS!!! Call me Old Scool!! 🙂