Speak Out : Why So Many Gays Do Coke?
“Why So Many Gays Do Coke?”
I don’t take drugs so I am not in the best position to answer and I did a big cleanup in my friends recently too. I don’t want to be associated with people who are doing coke from Monday to Sunday and every time I do a little casual dinner at home. Last week, I invited 2 friends and they were in my bathroom all night doing lines after lines. I prepared a beautiful healthy dinner and they barely ate it, because they were not hungry (because of coke). I wanted to kick them out and found them very disrespectful. Last time I was inviting them…
I open my A4A app and all the hot guys I was clicking on were into PNP or other crazy drug shit. Where are the “healthy” gay guys? Where are the guys into nature, sports and fitness? I feel like many gay guys are hiding behind these drugs to be “cool” or to be part of the group or to raise their self esteem… I don’t get it!
What’s your thoughts on this?
Dave
(To “Speak Out” about something you wish to share with A4A members, send me an email at blog at adam4adam.com. To leave a comment on this subject above, just comment in the comments section below)
I have never found the reason to be high on drugs or drunk to have fun or for good sex. Life and the warmth of a good man do it for me. There is nothing better then the real emotion and euphoria one gets from orgasming in the mad passion embrace of sex is the greatest of highs.
I myself don’t understand it either! I used to go to the local gay club but stopped going because of all the drugs in there and dealing in the bathroom! Its hard to find any drug free man, all 420 and whatever else
Very interesting, However why does being healthy require you to be into fitness. I may be the only person who takes it that way but you have made it sounds as if your only a healthy gay guy if you go to the gym a lot. Why do guys do coke? the same question could be ask on why gay guys feel its ok to discriminate or why is the gay culture a bit shallow? Gay men are no different than any other human out there and it seems the world is full of flawed beautiful creatures.
We sober gays are out here in the real world. You just have to look for us.
I think it’s a complicated problem. Firstly, we often think that because we’re gay our problems are somehow different than everyone else’s problems. But cocaine is cocaine whether you’re straight or gay; it’s a problem.
I think a lot of younger gay guys are influenced by the types of gays they see on television and the way we push having perfect bodies and lots of money – and young people are impressionable so their first group of friends are those circuit party muscle boys and cracked out tweaked out twinks, or gym guys who are on their own drugs trying to get more and more muscles. All of those people consider themselves “healthy” but what they mean by “healthy” is “I do drugs to stay thin and pump my body full of muscle enhancers to stay muscular”. If you decide to do things in the actual healthy way you’re bombarded with “just do coke” or “just take this drug”.
Secondly I think we still deal with psychological issues whether we know it or not of a society that continues to treat gay people the way the USA treats gay people, so as with anyone looking for an escape from these things people turn to drugs. Since all their friends are doing it then they have access to it and they do it, too.
Gay people need to realize that your average gay person who doesn’t live in one of our gay headquarters like NYC or Los Angeles or something…most of them aren’t interested in doing coke or meth or filling their bodies with these sorts of things – but you never see those people on TV or in our “gay” movies so we just assume that if you’re going to be a cool gay, you should probably do these drugs.
The truth is, those people are looking for an escape from this life and you (whoever is reading this) need to surround yourself with people who are intent on LIVING this life. Stay away from all the tweaked out, cracked out gays; they’ll only pull you down. And besides, trying to have sex with people who are on drugs is…a…MESS! Just go get a hamburger.
I had briefly hooked up with a guy a few years ago who was on something, not sure what, I wanted to pretty much get him off and get him out of my home, but he thought he was going to make a day of his pnp in my home. I too make it a habit of knowingly to stay away from drug users. Most of the pnp guys in my area also have the “anything goes” listed in there profile, which makes me believe, using drugs leads to bad and harmful decisions when playing, and I’d rather not be part of there drama lifestyle.
As a gay man, out and proud as of 1980, I tried many drugs in the 80’s, I thought coke was and 80’s thing, I guess not. After testing positive in 1989 I knew I needed to take care of myself in order to survive so gave up all drugs, now very anti-drug. Here I am 25 years later a vegetarian and living a healthy, happy life (without drugs). I don’t understand why gay men do them now, in the 80’s they were a club thing so we could dance all night long and still make it to work the next day. I will be interested to find out what other guys have to say on the subject
I am a substance user. I began using in an attempt to better understand addictive personality disorder and find a cure per so many of my loved ones suffering the disease. I am satisfied with my findings and personal evolution.
So many ways? Of course there are as many ways to inflict traumatic injury on the human being with the use of a Poisson as there are with any other weapon. Like there are numerous many holes to stick a dick into? lol. Nevertheless a person must realize that that is what it is; an instrument that causes traumatic injury thus the withdraw, lack of desire to eat, hyper-activity and desperate need for human approval/affection… the traumatized identity is insane until reestablishment of natural disposition is accomplished an so confused and unaware of its own genuine wants and needs and never trusting of others despite intentions. Trauma causes elevated anxiety.
Your guests WERE highly disrespectful to you and you have every right to never have them back again . I know I wouldn’t.
Generally speaking , I think that first off , gays have more ‘issues ‘ to deal with, and secondly , they have more disposable income.
The desire/ability to self medicate is somewhat easier to fulfill than for some others .
But if anyone’s doing it because they somehow deem it fashionable , well they need a cut ass.
If you guys want to waste your money please send it to me instead.
I promise , the worst I’ll do is have a cocktail at my host’s table with them .
COCAINE AND OTHER PROHIBITED DRUGS ARE HERE TO STAY. TOO MUCH MONEY IS BEING MADE BY DISTRIBUTORS, SELLERS, AND YES… THE GOVERNMENT, LAW ENFORCEMENT, AND COURTS.
I think it is very unfair to make it sound as though all gay people are doing drugs. I have tons of friends and NONE of them use drugs. It is too bad you made such poor choices in terms of friends…better luck next time.
As for ” where areal the healthy gay guys” we’re out there.. We just don’t fit the profile of what everyone thinks they are looking for. I kayak, bike, hike , snow ski… I love the outdoors a few years ago I went to hawaii with a friend and we hiked the kilauea cauldara. Can’t wait to go back and hike the summit of mauna loa.. And I’ve never used any drugs..
Well personally speaking I just prefer the taste over Pepsi !.. But I must confess I do switch it up every now and then a nice tall glass of crisp lemon-Limey 7up on a nice hot day .. Ahhhhhh!… Refreshing!!!But yeah Coke is king first and foremost!!
never touched and of that shit and never plan too
watched to many good people go over the edge and for what learn to be happy within yourself and help others it’s only one world and were here to get along and for heavens sakes make it a better place get real…….
NOT ME !!!!!
I used to be one of those people who partied hard for 5 years 2000-2005 and 9 years later I’ve never looked back. I was in my 20’s then and very wild.
What I’ve learned is that gays do this because being gay is lonely, there is pressure among body and image and the majority of gays want to fit in. By doing drugs it lowers their inhibitions in many ways including engaging in promiscuous behaviour, and when on drugs many don’t wear protection, which is why many of the gays who are drug addicts get HIV.
I’ve been single forever, I am not one to be with someone just for the sake of it and I know many people who cannot be alone or single, it’s a co-dependency illness. I haven’t had sex in ages. I am not ugly or obese but it’s because of choice and the fact that I refuse to fall into that trap of living that life where I sleep around hoping to meet someone happily ever after. Right now I am LTR minded and I’ve had my share of sex in my 20s. So it’s not like I don’t know what it’s all about.
It’s difficult to find someone decent, my type for a LTR. And I can accept that, many can’t and use drugs to escape all that thinking drugs will solve their problems and loneliness.
I guess I am the lucky one’s who have survived through all that, because many people don’t, they end up overdosing, in the hospital etc.
All I know is that I am much much more stronger than I was in my 20s.
I never understood that.. Why so many gays do drugs and that includes poppers.. I will no and do not associate myself with anyone who do drugs. When someone on here hits me up the first thing i look for in their profile is to see if they do drugs and then i kindly say no or post it in my profile no drugs.. Thats when i get the druggies all upset & sending me msgs how stuck up i am and what not just cause i don’t do drugs.. This is just me but from seeing all these people high, acting stupid, and doing stupid stuff, why would i want to act like that? Not to mention the health risks, no thank you.. Drugs a big no no for me and is a deal breaker for everything, that also includes poppers..
I don’t know why anyone would want to do any drugs. I know some say it helps them to get more pleasure or last longer. But I will not do anything with anyone who is doing drugs or even poppers. If I’m not good enough without drugs than I don’t need them. There is a lot of drug free guys in the gay world and want to stay that way.
Med maryjane is perfect for me. Had rotator-cuff surgery 6 yrs ago and use it nightly for pain with a glass of red wine. Still go to gym 5 days a week but only on 5 meals a day and a gallon of water per day. Alcohol dehydrates you so really don’t over-indulge anymore. As I’ve gotten older I just like low-stress to no stress. And only date someone that remembers the same Presidents as you. Makes it easier to relate.
Maybe if you looked outside of Adam4Adam and gay clubs, you would find that there are many gay men with healthy hobbies that don’t abuse drugs. These blog entries making sweeping generalizations of gay men are getting old
Charlotte is full of drug users. Almost every profile you look at in Charlotte you see they are on drugs. When I tell them I am not interested because of it, they deny it. Then why do you have it listed on your profile. How can you afford such stuff. I tell them to donate that money to the homeless or some type of charity. In my work, I come face-to-face with a lot of gay men. Some are very nice and when I see them online, they state using drugs. I cannot believe this and hate it when they come in. It’s your life and body, but drugs should not be a part of it. Get help!
I believe that the social stigma of being gay in the” human race is, frankly, a huge barrier to living a “Normal” life due to the fact that we are LEGALLY treated differently. Thus causing a subconscious reaction in the psyche to look for ways to occupy our time. Since we are unable to receive the basic rights/benefits that heterosexual couples get we figure, “at least I dont have children and dont have the huge responsibilities that come along with caring for children, so whats wrong with altered states of consciousness?” We are psychologically conditioned into thinking that since we are biologically unable to produce offspring in a gay relationship we compensate for the lack of responsibility and are occupied with intense feelings of euphoria that take up a decent amount of time and energy in our lives. If the social stigma of “gay families” was dissolved, homosexuals would have the choice and opportunity to create a family as they see fit. The potential responsibility would be the foundation to a “healthy” lifestyle and I believe drugs would take a back seat to it.
Abuse of any drug, including Cocaine is a sign of escapism. Therefore the question is what are some gay men escaping from?
Well being gay is still not a piece of cake. Many in the U.S. are still not accepted, especially by their families and friends. Some resent the HIV epidemic and use drugs to not be responsible. Yes there is a direct correlation between drug use and new HIV infections!
i see it as “growing pains” of a community that is trying to be unified, but has not been able to deal with the freedom and or acceptance of mainstream society.It is alctually a pendulum extreme from the other extreme where so many gay men commit suicide due to self hatred and depression. We are now in the throws of the opposite where the gay life is nothing but a party. Attitudes choke us with defiance and cheer daring the religious and naysayers from stopping a gay man from having a great time. Stop!Many gay guys in the community “did not get the memo” that American society as a whole is accepting our community as a positive force.
You would think that it is a positive move in the right direction to be accepted, not just tolerated….but being an outsider does have its privaledges.
1. anonymity brings no responsibility or guilt
2. taboo is always thrilling
3. limitless sexual partners
in other words, major drug use in the gay community is a problem because the community has not officially addressed it as a problem, especially since drugs has become permanent fixture in the fight against HIV. Yes, antivirals are drugs to make the gay man feel better…be better…be healthy. It is not unreasonable to think that Meth and Coke are accepted by the community due to the rationalization that ALL drugs can be good in one instance and bad in another!…
When the gay community say enough is enough and admits that it is destroying our psychological acceptance of our collective self, that is the day when Coke will not be a viable alternative to good old fashioned sobering fun!
thanks
define ‘so many’… sounds like you are basing your assumption on your experience.
Plenty of us relatively ‘normal’ guys out here too.
Stop your bitching, and do a few lines already.
For one thing, you don’t “take” coke, you DO coke, so why even make a topic about something you can’t even correctly write about? As for coke, gays like clubbing. Dance music is the #1 genre. Dance music and coke go hand in hand. Very simple.
Hello to everyone I wanna talk about dating , sex and looking for what we call relationship.. I know that I am a person looking for something just like everyone else, It seem like when i reach out and try to chatt and say something like hello i like your profile most guys block me or some chatt a little and then when done i am blocked.. I am not proud that I am Hiv Poz I dont state it on my profile for personal reason but i do tell guys my status that I am Poz I have come to find most guys do drugs to have sex i dont get that but who am i to judge its not my thing. Sad to say if there is a guy for me out there he would be lucky to have me as his best friend, his lover and his partner. I just wish guys wood open up and dont be afraid to open up cuz the guy you might be looking for is right there in front of you
I met a guy at the beach last week. He was enamored with me and wanted to get together. So, a couple nights later, he came over and was obviously screwed up on something. I promptly showed the dumb ass the door.
If you’re only going by the guy’s on this site you have to take a couple of other factors into account.
1) Despite the creator’s possible intentions, I believe the majority of people are here to find a quick hookup, not a long term relationship. I don’t think people are doing drugs to have sex, they’re doing drugs because they’re drug addicts, the drugs make them horny so they come here looking for a hookup. Non drug users have other shit to do.
2) There are a smaller number of gay people so the percentage who PNP or use coke specifically may be in line with the general population (for example if the general population has 1000 people and 20 do coke you have 980 other people to run in into before you meet a coke user. If the gay population is 100 then you can only meet 98 other people before running into a coke user). That’s the same percentage of users but your chances of meeting a coke user are higher.
What needs to happen instead of judgement is we need to work toward a society in which men (gay and not) are comfortable talking about their feelings and figuring out how they can eliminate the need to replace happiness with drugs.
And as I read all the moral superiority and judgement I am saddened because you forget that people are passing the same judgement on you for being gay.
I am perplexed by the dichotomy of wanting yo be healthy, Fit, and worked out and want to be stoned on dangerous drugs! you can have fun being into the person and having a real experience sans drugs
unbelievable how ya leave a comment then it disappears someone should learn to take crititism
Narcissus1881:
Your quote of “I began using in an attempt to understand addictive personality disorder and to find a cure…” OMG! You are full of [email protected] and the real reason gay men are treated like [email protected] around this country. I suppose my dearest friend who is a psychologist needs to go out and “blow his brains out with a gun or to shoot someone else’s brains out” in attempt to understand manic depression disorder. Damn, I thought I had read and heard everything!
Why does healthy living and enjoying recreational use of drugs WITHIN RESPONSIBLE REASON have to be exclusive? Every example of the issues of drugs use you stated comes from people who have been rude or thoughtless of their surroundings. not every person who does drugs, is doing it as an act of selfishness and disrespect of societal standards. There are people, who benefit from altered states of consciousness. And i think sometimes, the people who are clean that hold these negative ideals over those who participate need to be honest with themselves about the misplaced direction of aggression.
drugs are a problem in every community, but to marginalize the gay experience, which will occasionally include drug use, is to say “if it doesn’t conform to hetero-normative conservative standards of decency it shouldn’t be cannon to us”
All the drug use and drinking among same gender loving men makes me sick! I don’t drink, drug nor even smoke cigarettes and I only want to date other men who don’t use either. However, I find that just about impossible to find in this lifestyle. Seems like the majority of guys indulge in some sort of vices and to the extreme too. I search A4A ads for the non users. But I’ve been disappointed with many of them I find. There are guys who lie about their substance use. (And if you gotta lie you gotta problem.) They say non drinking/drugging/smoking but they really do. Many of the ones who claim they drink socially or occasionally lie too. I’ve met some of them who’s indulgence goes way worse than that. I will not respond to an ad at all if do drugs or 420 or burn one etc is in it. I assume the problem comes from the bar scene which is practically the only social venue same gender loving men have to meet each other and socialize. The older I get I’m finding it easier to accept that I’ll stay alone. I find little opportunity to meet clean living men out there.
I am a social drinker, but have never done hard drugs like coke or meth, or heroin.
I seriously dated a substance abuser who used cocaine. I must say, it was the best sex of my life. The companionship was amazing (behind my closed doors with him in his closeted world). Sadly, all the stereotypes we hear about drug users are true, the lies, the deceptions, the bad sexual decisions. I was lucky to emerge out of it unscathed in terms of STDs–I am EXTREMELY lucky, as is he. He was , and is, terribly charming and sexy and a great bottom, I will have a problem ever finding someone as good in those areas.
However, in areas of true emotional availability, social dating, etc he was abysmal. As much fun as he was–and as much as I cared for him, I would never consider becoming close to someone with a substance abuse problem of this nature again.
You shoulda invite me over for some of that beautiful healthy dinner instead, I certainly would have enjoyed it. Working out hard at the gym has increased my appetite for good food and not drugs! You ask where are the decent guys, they are here.. no one wants ’em though, everyone is looking for the party types who wanna do drugs from dusk till dawn!!
I have never smoked a cigarette or marijuana in my life or ever taken any illicit drug — and have never seen any reason to do so. I have no gay friends into drugs — all are health conscious and proud of it.
I picture drugs in the gay community as a symptom of the blurring of lines in countercultures. What do I mean (trust me, it’s nothing pretentious or TOO academic)? The basic idea: the gay culture is still a counterculture. There’s this attitude that all countercultures are related, in a sense. It’s like a camaraderie among all of them. In this case, that takes its form in an entirely too close relationship between the gay scene and the drug scene. If the gay scene were more mainstream it wouldn’t have that affinity. But maybe this is just the out-of-touch academic in me talking…
I never found what’s the attraction to drugs or alcohol, maybe cause my old man drank more than enough for both of us. Drinking made him ugly, hateful and cruel. He seemed to revel in destroying any self confidence that I could have developed as an impressionable child. Exercise feels good after doing it, but it isn’t something that I really enjoy. Being a lazy ass doesn’t help. But in order to get a hot bod, it is necessary. Maybe if I can make it into a regular routine and get the sexy muscular bod that I want, then it become more enjoyable. Right now, I have an average body. I would like to think that most men are regular guys. I haven’t met a lot of gay men on drugs, but try to avoid men that do.
The same reason anyone does it, they are weak
The question should be “Why do so many ‘people’ take coke?”. It’s not only a gay man’s problem; it’s a society problem. Most people feel good during the process and then drop “back” into depression once it wears off. There are a lot of functional recreational drug users out there. They live somewhat normal lives, work full-time jobs, pay their bills on time, etc… Then, it those who can’t function at all. With gay men, this is one of the main sources that keeps HIV rampant. Their immune systems are weakened and their brain cells are at a stand still. I don’t like messing around with guys that PNP. Coke is usually used to loosen one up and lift the spirit, but once it comes addictive, it is not a pretty thing. I watch friends and family suffer through this. Most of them are in recovery now, but it’s a difficult and complicated life when a love one is hooked on illegal substances.
I don’t do hard core stuff but I’m a pothead. I mean it’s a Natural plant. I’m a wiccan and marijuana is an herb we us for blessings. A lot of guys that are around here are more into Molly and Tina.
I’ve done a lot in my years. First was drinking, beer than harder alcohol. Didn’t like the person I was and the day after hard liquor, so I drink beer. Next came pot, I like, very much. Then my pot friends started meth and coke. I liked meth better and went through a good 2 year phase, but it gets boring. Doing a drug just to keep up the norm, not my thing. Tried acid once and mushrooms once, again, not my thing. Aside from the occasional pill phase, it’s been beer and weed my party goods of choice. A4A drug option isn’t the best of all the chat sites because you can’t specify… NOT ONE person has ever hmu looking to smoke… only party, so I get what the main poster is saying… but without knowing how old your “friends” are it’s hard to guess. I can tell you one thing, the “drug buddies” I had that used to sneak away and do stuff where left alone after that. Some drugs are social, which is cool, but I never liked those sneaky people and they aren’t my friends anymore.
To answer the main point you were asking, I don’t see much difference between alcohol and drugs like pot. Were you serving wine or liquor to your dinner guests? Then you mention A4A and I guess “hooking up”. I think it’s perfectly fine (and not just a gay thing) to get a little buzzed before having sex. I don’t need it, but it does relax you a little and I find I enjoy sex more.
But basically it’s all up to the individual, but friends who come over for dinner and spend the night doing lines in the bathroom aren’t really your friends.
I also can’t understand why guys think they have to get high on coke or meth or any of the latest “cool” drugs to use. I am enjoying living a healthy life, I quit smoking 5 years ago and it is one of the best things I did, I always practiced safe sex in the past but I believe I didn’t pay close enough attention to a past partner and was infected with HIV. As someone living with the disease for 10 years now I feel it is very important to NOT use any kind of drugs other than your prescribed med’s if you want to keep healthy. also I have found that some drugs may interfere with a guys sexual performance, e.g. not allow him to achieve a solid rock hard erection.
(I am referencing an encounter I had several years ago where the guy had the above problem.)
The healthy ones are out there, and the question begs other ones. Where are you looking, and where are you located? When I hear this question I sure feel uncomfortable knowing its not true thanks to having friends in “all walks” of LGBT life. For me, I find it generally to be about who you know, where you hang out, etc. Just be prepared for them not to look like your hot little twinkie boy, to be a little older (and in some cases look ten years younger than their age), etc. I tend to perceive the question to be a rather closed-minded one anyway.
Guys into nature, sports and fitness can generally be found in nature, and places where sports and fitness happen. On hookup sites you find guys who want to hook up.
Your dinner guests’ behavior was appalling. You should have tossed them out mid-toke and told them why. Your home, your rules.
For many years, at bars or private social functions was the only place gays had to meet and interact. That’s changed, but relatively recently, and it remains as a cultural subtext.
The first man I ever fell in love with was a coke addict. He was stunningly handsome and had a beautiful body, by anyone’s standards. He was a sweet Ohio farm boy who moved to Los Angeles to seek his fortune, where he ended up working for a world-famous musician. That’s how he’d picked up the cocaine habit. In time, he realized that coke and alcohol were taking a heavy toll on his health, so he left the entertainment business and stopped using.
Our first night together was legendary. We began a long-distance relationship that lasted for nearly a year. Then, while we talked about my plans to fly out to spend a week with him, he confessed that he’d started using coke again. He had sold everything he owned to buy coke and he was trying to quit. He begged me to cancel my trip because he didn’t want me to see him in his condition. I didn’t want to see him that way, either, so I stayed home. A few days later, he didn’t answer when I called, and I became frantic. A week later, his sister let me know that he had died. His entire body had shut down because of excessive cocaine in his system. He was only 34 years old.
For over a year, I blamed myself for the death of my beloved Johnny. I have since realized that I am not responsible for the stupid choices others make, and I have made peace with my loss. But I have a particular hatred for cocaine and I will not have anything to do with anyone who uses drugs of any kind.
Everyone who uses coke thinks they can handle it. You can’t. Best case scenario, you will become lazy and boring. Worst case, you will end up dead before your time.
It’s pathetic the drugs in the gay life. They hang out together on their level too…someone recently didn’t want to meet me because he felt we would not be on the same level but I look at who he is hanging out with and it confirms that he is hanging out with other messed up people. It is hard to find someone who is not messed up on drugs but its their loss and life…I won’t buy into it and stand firm on my opinion about it too.. I am better off in fear they would rip me off or give me some sort of grief..
I have dealt with these drug induced personalities for 30 years or more….they all seem to have one thing in common…no self esteem.. not willing to change and are engolfed in the belief that they have to stay young and pretend to be young in order to get sex…it’s a three ring circus with an obvious dead end. Cannot love..be loved..have good sex…bond to anyone…..so therefore…the gay way…no values..no trust…can’t be in a relationship…and are most likely infected with HIV as well. The truth is if they looked inside their heart is the desperate desire to be loved….but with the images media continues to throw at gay men…categorizing one a worthless unless totally muscular, etc….there leaves little hope for the very small minority who has worked this negative expectation of what a gay mans life should be about. Sad !!! I’m a great person in and out…but can I find a man who is not playing countless games….no at all…and it makes me sad.
Why does anybody do any drug? Gay or straight, its an escape. I dont do drugs, but,as a medical professional I see the efdects of long term use. The fact that so many gays feel the need to get messed up to have a good time just shows the underlying issues they have and in all reality is quite sad. Coke meth pot all of it, its all an escape from their everyday problems that usually everybody has but something happened in their life that prevented them from developing coping skills. Perfect looks and body to textbook looking methfreak these drugs do permanent lasting damage and lead to making poor decisions such as unprotected sex. What most of you dont know that in certain states like Arizona, if you know you have HIV, you do not tell your partner and they contract it from you, its a voluntary manslaughter charge.
Same question could be asked of why gay communities are nothing more than high school cliques. The fems the queens the druggies the poz the twinks the bears the gym bunnies….and everyone is just as mean and nasty to eachother as they are to everyone else. Rupauls drag race show casez the absolute worst of the gay community same thing with all of those shows. Bitchy catty alcoholic slutty fairweather people pretending to be friends to eachother but in all reality they hate eachother because they wont sleep with them. When my eyes were opened to what the gay scene is really like i was heartbroken.
Between the drugs the meaningless sex and even less meaningful relationships of any kind and the superficial bs, i feel sorry for every new generation of gays inheriting this, because they also get heartbroken and,disillusioned but continue the cultur because that is what they get taught.
I dont go to the gym but i play sports multiple times a week, the only drugs i take are the ones prescribed to me, and all of my friends are straight. I get along better with straight people. Why? Because they accept me for who i am and dont talk shit about everyone behind their backs but are friends to their face. Its all boils down to one word…MATURITY…and the gay scene, especially in phoenix, is seriously lacking in it, from every standpoint…including the “dl” and masc guys….theyre just as rude nasty and ugly people as the catty bitchy fems.?
I have had bad experiences with guys doing coke. I let my lust overshadow my judgement. I have been approached by several coke users that they get real freaky, kinky, and the sky is the limit while they get high off of it. My experience is that the dick doesn’t stay erect, they get paranoid, they tweek out and it has never lead to anything positive.
Coke is usually a social thing. We share likes or bumps with guys we like. Other stuff is for letting go and making excuses for being a slut. I like the sharing.
whoa i my self ve never taken any form of drugs though i usually see de staf wil some guys i also don’t understand why de do de staf bt plse don’t try @ generalise all guys most especial when u say why all”gay”/clean sober guys er out 4 u look
Never tried drugs never will. Barely even drink anymore. Still have a half open bottle of wine that has been sitting in my fridge for months to finish off. Never saw a reason to use drugs. I avoid the PNP profiles too. I remember when I went to the bar and one of my friends was outside sick. I asked if he was ok and he said yes. So I went inside and found his best friend and told him the other one was outside sick. He told me yea he just took some E and it makes him sick before it makes him high. I never understood that one either.
the “so many” was based on….? Maybe it’s a US thing. Living in the Caribbean, i see things a bit differently, coke and other hard drug use isn’t super high in the local gay world.. maybe a little recreational weed by some – but that’s not limited to gays only.
And it’s not like the gay world is hidden in all countries, some of them have an active and thriving scene which is fairly open and not damaged by others who disagree with it.
Drug use doesn’t care about sexual orientation. Gays use drugs for all the reasons and excuses anyone else does.
Just a brief explanation about the allure of pnp which stands for “party and play). First the drug of choice is not Cole but usually crystal meth a much stronger stimulant. One of the side effects is incredible horniness so the party is getting high and the play is hours of hot sex.
I don’t have many friends because of drugs.I don’t tolerate drugs and never have. It’s hard to find anyone these days who isn’t a druggie or alcoholic.
Never did drugs in my life (don’t smoke and barely drink as well) and I don’t keep company or hang out with those who do.
Let me tell u something.I would be proud to be a SPOKESPERSON and MODEL for METH.I only do this one drug, it helped me to quit drinking alcohol and permitted me to quit smoking cigs. Rum,vodka industry , bud, miller all the industry felt the crunch. Hey the internet and that drug TINA closed some of the gay clubs.. We didnt need the night clubs. All my T friends yall dont go misbehaving .
maybe it’s me living in the suburbs of TN , but no not really seeing a lot of guys doing coke all the time, i mean most of the ppl i’ve known who did coke where hetero white males and they only did it every once in awhile because apparently finding quality coke is expensive. i mean i know a couple of other homo’s i knew who had a brief romance with meth but that’s really more a “we live in the south” thing than a “hey we’re gay and love pnp” thing. As far as ppl being locked in my bathroom doing drugs, i stopped hanging out with those kinda folk mostly at 22 and they were more into pills. Now pill popping there is a ubiquitous drug problem in both gay and straight America. Maybe you’re just hanging out with a bunch of immature druggies yo, may want to up those friendship standards…
and Homer did we really have to bring poor sweet Mary Jane into this??? who has she ever hurt, lot’s of ppl gay and straight smoke pot and still function quite well.
Good question! I never seen any1 do it let alone been around that stuff; however, their are good guys out there who are into health and fitness who are here looking for good vibes w/o the PNP. Glad you’re not into that stuff. Gay guys who do Coke usually flock and will stay together. You just have to look even harder to find guys with the same interests as you. Have a great wkend!
Man, did YOU ever hit a hot button topic! Gays are notorious for alcohol and drug abuse…now, more than ever. It’s a coping mechanism for most, who have issue with their own sexuality, and using makes it all “OK” to them. Also, there are those who won’t get into my brand of sex (FF) without meth. BTW, coke isn’t the big deal these days…it’s meth, the most ruinous drug of all. You’re fortunate that you cleaned up and got out and are dealing with life on life’s terms now, because that’s the only way you’ll survive. Your statement that most druggies eventually wind up getting pozzed is also correct, especially if they slam…seen it time after time after time. The gay community is too “PC” about this whole problem to be really upfront about combating it, but it is INDEED a problem. Get rid of the crack and meth, and watch HIV infection rates in our group PLUMMET. Back in the ’70s, when I came out, it was an alcohol-fueled subculture…bars were everything in our social lives and everyone got drunk. Coke came in in the ’80s, especially in the tubs, and now it’s the worst of all possible drugs, meth.
Drugs should be legalized and taxed so that treatment can be provided free to anyone who needs or wants it should they become addicted to a drug. Right now even with insurance it is hard to get treatment unless your wealthy.
As to why people do cocaine because it doesn’t keep you up as long as crystal meth. lol
In my experience, many Gay & Bi men have been hurt – sometimes badly – so much so that they come to PREFER life on a high. Whether its alcohol, cocaine, meth, or pain killers, they simply prefer to be high whenever they can be. (NOTE: Sexual addiction is REAL, and for some the endorphin rush of an orgasm is that high!)
On the other hand, there are also many emotionally healthy Gay & Bi men out there who do NOT live life from high to high. Like Dave, these are the types of guys I like to be with… both naked and clothed!
Personally, I hate mind-altering drugs — of ALL kinds! My preferred cure for a headache is a NAP (vs. aspirin, Tylenol, Motrin, etc.). When I DO drink, it is usually one or 2 drinks a night — and even that light buzz is not something I aspire to, I just enjoy red wine and dark beer!
So where does that take me? Again, for me: once I discover someone is one of those “prefer to be high” people, I distance myself from them. I don’t want to be around that, and I don’t want to associate with people like that. I have lost more than one “prospective boyfriend” to this “rule” of mine, and I’m not sad — just look at the hurt these people cause to everyone around them… I won’t set myself up as a victim solely because they’re a hot lay, or I like feeling them in my arms. (Although, to be fair — I have yet to find a “prefer to be high” dude who was more than “adequate” sexually! Most are losers in bed – because they’re always high!)
So do I speak from real experience? Absolutely – my last attempt at a boyfriend ended precisely because of this. He started out (from my view) as a moderate drinker who also took pain killers (with a prescription). But as time progressed, he drank more and more… and when he was drunk, he not only passed out and/or vomited on the floor, but he was (unsurprisingly) a complete DUD when it came to intimacy (forget sex, which was equally awful by that time, he couldn’t even cuddle when he was drunk!).
To this day, he doesn’t get it — even when I spelled it out for him that he was a “want to be high” person and I just wasn’t — plus, he continually tries to re-insert himself into my life. Trying to get back together? I don’t know, because I won’t even consider it… at least not at this stage in his life!
But Dave, there ARE men out there who prefer to live life “clean” and “healthy” (without being fanatical about it). Even “freaky guys” into sexual fantasies, role play, and fetishes… these things do not go hand in hand with being high (although they’re not mutually exclusive either). GOOD, CLEAN GUYS don’t have to be BORING GUYS (and surprisingly, they usually are not!)
Many of you don’t remember a time when you didn’t have easy access to a group of other guys who also wanted to hookup (before AOL chat rooms and websites full of guys who want to fuck NOW!)… back in the day, you had to look through a lot of MUD to find the diamond in the rough that would work for you. While the modern tools out there do help — including A4A, where I’ll admit 75% of the dudes I’ve met here are “lets get high” types I wouldn’t touch, but where some of those other 25% have been quite nice to have met! Who knows, maybe my next truly significant other is out there on A4A right now!!! 🙂
The truth is, you never know where you’ll meet the next guy who will capture your heart — but just because you find a lot of slag, doesn’t mean you should stop mining! Keep your chin up, and don’t lower your moral standards just to make the search easier! You get out of it only in proportion to what you put into it!
Chip
What’s hard for me is I have never messed with any druggies but I just want to find a normal man to maybe settle down with. A lot of guys tend to just want to hook up and I want more than that. The guys on drugs are just like the guys who wanna hook up in that they both look for pleasure not decent people
What’s hard for me is I have never messed with any druggies but I just want to find a normal man to maybe settle down with. A lot of guys tend to just want to hook up and I want more than that. The guys on drugs are just like the guys who wanna hook up in that they both look for pleasure not decent people
i don’t think cocaine is necessarily a gay problem. It’s pretty much everywhere. I have several straight friends & a couple of gay friends that use it regularly.
Do you all consider poppers a drug? I mean, i see a lot of people use them, but, are they habit forming? are they harmful?
why do so many gay guys bareback? why do more gay guys smoke than the avg population. Hell, why are we so hateful to each other? I am not sure the reason why but we seem to have a death wish and do self destructive behaviors to a degree not representative of the general population. I know people will attack this but dont attack the message — as it is the truth. Lets figure out what the hell is going on. Why do people in their 50’s who watch people die from AIDS now bareback? It is so baffling but there has to be deep pyschological reasons why so many are self destructive.
I prefer Pepsi, over Coke, RC or a generic cola. 🙂
As for cocaine, never done it, never plan to.
The only drugs I do are sedatives. I get awoken easily. I can’t hear sonar, but I do have ears of a “bat”. I am a bit jealous of those of you that are heavy sleepers. When I cannot get enough sleep, my anxiety gets worse. When my anxiety gets worse, it disturbs my stomach ulcer, so it’s a chain reaction.
I’m so glad we are approaching colder weather, and more darkness in the day. As that means less noise outside, so I will be able to get a lot more sleep, have less anxiety, and hopefully allow my stomach ulcer to heal.
To the admin that sponsors this blog, how about one asking “do you take sedatives”. I cannot be the only a4a member that does.
I agree Alex, just because you go to the gym doesn’t mean you are healthy. That’s one of the things that peeved me off. I don’t do drugs, I don’t understand why people need them to have a good time, but hey, that’s none of my business as to why they want to use drugs.
A lot of judgmental people on here. If you’re going to condemn drug abusers but go clubbing and imbibe to much alcohol, take a look in the mirror! Smoke cigarettes? Same thing. There is no doubt that drugs are not something to be taken lightly and for many, they are a dangerous pitfall. I like a little 420 once or twice a week and enjoy the sexual enhancement I get from some coke every now and again. Interestingly, I don’t touch alcohol. I’m a successful professional with an active and safe lifestyle. I take responsibility for my actions and above all, don’t judge others for their decisions.
I feel the same way. I do not do drugs and I have no one in my life that dose. I have had too many discussions with people I cared about who were self distracting on drugs or alachol.
It came down to one statement which I always make “I can live a clean and sober life why can’t you?!” We all have the same choices.
Seriously? You say “Where are the “healthy” gay guys? Where are the guys into nature, sports and fitness?”
Seriously? This “community” is full-to-bursting with deeply shallow people who are all about superficial “fitness”, body-building appearance. All about having not a drop of “body-fat” (and doing whatever they have to do to be “ripped”), pumping themselves full of whatever they need to do to be “buff”. I see alot more of that in this “community” then I see of other drug use. “health” and “fitness” in this “community” don’t mean what they -really- mean, it’s all about trying to look like “fitness” magazine cover-models.
If you have a dinner party for two friends who end up spending the evening in the bathroom snorting coke, you might want to check your criterion for friend-choosing; I’m not suggesting fault or blame, but friends who isolate completely for shared drug usage are unlikely to manifest this as their one minor character flaw. I guess I figure someone who comes to my house for dinner ought to be someone I want to sit down with and enjoy because I’ve learned enough about them to invite into my emotional life.
Its amazing to hear a bunch of gays who hate the “bar scene” mash all drugs together in one category. I have done it all, I settled on some 420 for my choice of vice, its not cocaine, its not meth. I don’t piss all my money away on it, or force others to do it and it didn’t give me AIDS. Why don’t any of these people talk about how steroids are a HUGE drug problem with people in their mindset of shallow looks based, and big judgers of people that don’t meet their standards of what “healthy” is.
But, hey while you guys are being sanctimonious bashers of all that is not gym based, vegan and doesn’t do any substance of any kind. Don’t beat up on people that you view as “less” than you. That is what most of these comments are saying, or at least what I got out of it.
If you never tried drugs you shouldn’t talk about them like you know, I don’t have sex with women and I don’t pretend like I know about it. Drop being such stuck up people and say that you just don’t get it, don’t hurt people with your ignorance about a culture you are entirely not involved in.
Personally, I think that the way the question was worded might have been a misstep. If this were on a general blog, wouldn’t it read “why do so many people use cocaine”? Before being gay, bi, trans, etc., aren’t we just people?
First response to a blog lol
Gays are so one tract minded. What makes doing coke different from drinking alcohol? Some do it just for the fun of it. Not all drug users are addicts, lived messed up lives and are strung out. I happen to do drugs socially from time to time and it has not influenced my reality at all.
i came out of drug use after seeing friends start to use needles and this was before i really started admitting to myself that i loved men. i can say that i would not want a man who uses drugs simply because of the potential pull back towards it and i am much more happy sober and clean.
I’m 33. I don’t do coke. Well I did 2 dozen or less times. I like my 420, a few drinks over dinner, maybe a few pills once in a blue moon. Nothing else. I’d never disrespect someone’s dinner party they were kind enough to work hard on and invite me to. I am still a softcore drug user, am an honest guy, do nothing illegal to procure habits nor any criminal charges save for a DUI 14 years ago, and put more important things first like paying bills, feeding me and my dog, hygiene supplies, clothes, etc. I don’t see myself as a problem at all. What does anybody else think n this matter
i am asking if someone can tell me what causes some guys to be hoe and other men can be almost fully monogamous?? _ thanks,
Coke hell…METH is the biggest problem the gay community has these days, and it, unlike powder Columbian back in the disco era, is cheap, a quick spun-out high, and DISASTROUS in consequences. I blame T for the bulk of the recent spike in new HIV infections and the precipitous rise of those going around breeding while infected and NOT on meds.