Speak Out : Are You Single By Choice?
Many of my friends and even some of you, asked me “why are you single”?
… Well first of all, after my last relationship, I was fucked up, I even had to go see a psychologist. So I didn’t want to start a new relationship before I was “fixed”. 4 years later now, I am ok and I think I am single by choice. I never had the urge to be in a couple just to be in a couple…I rather be free and do whatever I want and when I want than being caught in a relationship. Of course sometimes I’m scared of getting old single and I miss the cuddles and doing activities with a lover. But I’m not willing to compromise anything easily.
I told you few weeks ago that I started seeing this pilot, but I am also seeing a police officer. I am not committed to any of these guys and we don’t “go out” together. I just see them more than regular friends and I have some sex with the police officer, not the pilot (yet).
I am taking things slow, because I don’t know if I love them enough to go out with any of them. Around me I see “friends” going out with other guys and then breaking up and then matching with another 1 month after….I don’t know how they do that?! I need to know the person very well before being able to call him a “lover”.
Anyways, let me know your thoughts on this and let me know if you are attached or single and if it is by choice?
Dave
Im single and its by choice not ready.to commit myself in anorher relatiomship yet. Im scared of heart break again. Being single at times does suck cuz i miss the cuddling goin out together do things together .
It is very hard to click with someone both mentally and physically and I’d rather be alone than settle.
Single by choice. My tolerance level for another guy’s BS has gone way down.
I was in a 12 year relations that also had a messy ending. I’ve been happily single for the last five years. I am in my mid-50s now and do enjoy dating and playing with a variety of hot guys. So, just like you, the though of another relationship is not very appealing to me. I surround myself with good friends, family, and work colleagues so I’m on the go all the time and really don’t have the time to commit to a relationship. I think relationships are worth trying but they have a shelf life. I learned from mine and feel I’m a better person for it however my choice is to be happily single at this point in my life.
I’m Single but not by choice I would love to be in a relationship because I have a lot of love to give to that one special person if I could just find them
i am 62 and a widower … I too would not settle with regards to a lover. but a wonderful man dropped into my lap and we were together 16 months when he died suddenly of a heart attack. He was 38. Our time together was very volatile. Our sex was very passionate and so were our fights. I don’t need a relationship, can take care of myself, but I miss not having one. Regular sex is great but taking care of someone (not financially) but seeing that they eat well and have a smile on their face most of the time is priceless. Life is short and can end suddenly … take the plunge. But don’t settle or some idiot. This relationship I mentioned was my first and being in one versus not … i would pick one … i looked forward to getting up each day versus days when i say “what’s the point”
I’m not single by choice. I’ve wanted a bf since I was a teenager. I’m 38 now. I don’t have luck with guys. I’m not the stereotypical gay guy. I’m short, fat, ugly (in my opinion), and narcoleptic. Gay men have never been nice to me. I used to go to clubs and would get the “eww, wtf is that!” glance when I’d walk in. In the end, I’d leave depressed and practically in tear. I stopped going out. I’ve never had gay friends like most people I’ve met. When I did meet guys, I was only good enough to fuck then never talk to again, so I stopped that too. Needless to say, all of this has really taken its toll on my self-esteem. So no, I haven’t chosen to be single. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe someone who has been treated like shit needs to know they aren’t alone, or maybe you reading this right now are one of the assholes who does this to others. Just realize that the individual you see before you when you do this is a person with feelings.
single by choice.
Good for you! Being single should never be viewed as a place you are in between relationships or a waiting room for that special someone; being single is a lifestyle choice for many.
I hate when dudes ask me why im still single, the whole your too cute to be single. Pretty much saying if I was ugly it’d be easier to believe, oh you boys. In a world of pretty lies to get between your thighs why would you wanna put up with relationship drama. My last 2 “boyfriends” we’re carbon copies of playing the I’m no liar, I’m real and honest, only to become real bad liars haha if your gonna cheat come up with better cover stories and picking fights to storm off. I’m luckily enough to enjoy my own company and not in need of a boyfriend to define me or give my life some meaning. And to some of guys out there 3 fucks don’t make them your boyfriend or husband. In case you were wondering I don’t believe in marriage of any kind.
I am very much single by choice. I’ve dated women and men. The difference- men move and fall in love TOO fast for me. I personally cannot date someone for 3 days and then magically consider us in a “monogomous relationship”. Also, You shouldn’t say “I love you” after 15 days, because I definitely will not return the gesture.
Women are crazy jealous and clingy.
So, I’ve decided the best thing for me, is to be alone. I’m happier single and I don’t feel obligated to anyone.
To be completely honest the only part of your post I disagree with is the “carefree” sex with your so-called friends….is having sex needed to upgrade your relationship status? right before that you said you’re not the horndog type so I doubt it….
Hell yeah!
I’m still because I seem to get ahead of myself and get hopes up when meeting guys. Especially if it seems to be going good.
Single by choice. I was never good at these things. My last relationship didn’t survive the trauma that happened, both naturally and voluntarily. At the time, I was growing, changing, and still finding out who I was, however, the strain I put on my partner through it all, made it unbarrable. He left me, through a text on his birthday. To this day, I think about what I should’ve, could’ve, didn’t do, but then I think about if it was meant to be, it would have been, and he wouldn’t have bailed out like that. I was never given closure, nor a rebutal moment to such a cold brush off, so I chalk it up to experience. He was just not meant to be. Probably just for that moment, nothing else. So as I get older, and learn to live with that sudden death, I think I’ll just wait. Until I feel ready. Then, I wasn’t, but I just did it because I everyone was. I like to think no hard feelings, but over time, Ive learned to let go and forgive. So, as I said, as I grow older, and hear all my straight friends horror stories, I’Lol just wait. No rush for me. Ive dealt 5 years, 5 more isn’t going to break me. Team SINGLE!!
I can do bad all by myself. Being single by choice has been alot better than being done bad by someone else. But don’t get me wrong, If I find myself doing better with someone else, we will.
You basically hit it on the nose Dave. You and I are two sides of the same coin.
I am single by choice….the choice of the DC gays
I think Deborah Cox said it well: I’d rather be alone than unhappy.
I have been in two relationships that each we invested 4 years of each other’s lives. Now I have decided to be single by choice and here is why. Most gay men want a model next to them (not that I m ugly in anyway because I carry myself with class and style) however when I used to go the clubs, you would see someone one week and next week they would have someone different. Its sad now days that we look at the outside instead of the inside there would less two lonely people in the world. Now days if u have a big dick or a six pack, men feel like they need to be taken care of and no one should settle. A relationship is sacred and should be a two way street just like you give, you should also receive. I hope everyone on here finds that special person its a wonderful feeling being in love, I know I been there. So instead of judging someone get to know that person u never know it might be your ideal mate. Don’t risk being lonely forever.
I spent most of my life in denial because of the religious beliefs I was taught. After 49 years of waiting to be healed from my gay desires, I gave into them and had gay sex with a guy I met on this site. It was the best sex of my entire life!
That was about five years ago. I am still in the slut phase where I enjoy pimping my ass out to guys for NSA, anonymous sex. I have been told by several guys that this phase will eventually end. So until then, I am not ready to settle down with one guy.
I wish I could say I was single by choice, but the sad truth is that I am just un-lovable! I am almost 50 and have never had a boyfriend. Most of the guys I meet are only interested in sex, they are married, or they are not interested in me! I want a boyfriend very badly, but I have come to the realization that it is just not going to happen for me!
I was in an 11 year relationship with someone who I thought would be beside me till death do us part. It didn’t turn out that way. I’ve been single for 5 years now, not necessarily by choice, but by me wanting something better than I had before. I generally fall into the catagory of the ” nice guy who finishes last”. So when it comes to dating and possible relationships it usually doesn’t work out well. Guess a lot of gay men don’t want a “nice guy”. So in that respect I’m single by choice. That being said, I would really love to be in a committed relationship again. Life is too short to always be alone, regardless of how out there and sexually active you are. It’s bound to get lonely over time. Having someone by your side who loves you and wants to be with you is a great feeling. I’m hoping to have that again soon. But, until it happens, a single life it will have to be.
Yep
I kind of feel like that line of thought may just be a way to rationalize to oneself that not actually taking the time to develop a real understanding with another person can still provide one with a rewarding and loving experienced. It seems like it might just be some cognitive and emotional justification for what is still essentially just getting off with someone you don’t actually love (I don’t mean you specifically, just the general, ambiguous “you”). Or who knows, it may actually provide a more really intimacy because then being “together” is a choice we constantly make together….
I’m not a psychologist, i have been a gay man in LA county for 27 years, but this ideation of what is essentially “free love” is present not only in the gay community but in the straight community as well, and shit seems to be fucked up. I know of only a handful of relationships between people that have actually worked out. And you know what? A few of them actually seem like the happiest people in the world. Now i don’t chase happiness, but a big part of me whats to grow old and be happy…
People, provide a great mirror for your own actions (the products of your thoughts and beliefs) so being with “another” allows you to learn about yourself (how you react, think, your “issues,” and difficulties) so you can stop doing the same stupid shit over and over again. It feels to me, that by committing to being uncommitted, i may just be avoiding taking a good, long and hard look at myself (and i love long hard things…)
Dave,
I am also single by choice. I have been through 3 official relationships and I was not happy in any of them. I was mostly stressed out in all of my relationships and was always the one to break it off. I realized that I cannot depend on anyone for happiness. That has to come from me. And so here I am. Single. Happy. Driven.
Of course I miss the cuddles and the laughs and all the good times. But what’s to stop me from making every time a good time? Why do I need a partner to make that a reality? The truth is that I don’t. And neither do you. Good for you for knowing when a relationship is not for you AND being strong enough to leave it. Also good for you for not committing to a man just to have “someone”. Independence should be respected and honored because it takes quite some strength to stay single.
Cheers!
Also i’m noticing this trend, where the people who are “single by choice/committed to being uncommitted” are the same people who tend to have a lot of emotional baggage from the past that they keep bringing up in the present as a justification for current behavior.
Not saying that we all don’t have shit in our pasts but some of us tend to bring their whole fucking closet while others might just have an overnight bag…
I’ve been single my entire life (51). Having had a 20-year USAF career during DADT definitely killed a LOT of opportunities of finding ‘the one’, in one of the best hot-guy clearing-houses in the world, where they were not just HOT, but Smart too!
I’m not one to settle, like a friend of mine, who can’t seem to deal with living alone, and advised me to settle like he did. He had a 15 year relationship end when his partner came home one day & said he was done. Within 4 months my friend had a new life-partner! The one he settled for has forced him to cut way back financially since he’s a low-income guy. No thanks!
Not single by choice. Living alone, past around age 55 or so, sucks, in my opinion, and not in a good way. I had to toss my ex-, due to his compulsive lying. After that I was single by choice for a while, being a caregiver for a parent living with me. That’s a stressful, meaningful, and necessary full-time job. Now, I’d like to have a lover, but I feel like a foreigner in the online gay scene. Guys who will stay logged on to A4A, evidently fruitlessly, 24/7, don’t have time for a date or a 5-minute casual meeting at a Homo Depot parking lot. As the saying goes, being single is better than wishing one were single.
Last thought….
Maybe committed monogamy is only really naturally is you want to have kids and a family…?
im single as well not by choice because I don’t play mind games that most guys do that I tell things like they are as well tow that most guys hate that
Married 15 years (to a woman) still would be except for her filing for divorce. NEVER AGAIN. I lost my ass and all its fixtures and will never put myself in the position to have that happen again. I have a regular FB and date women. The problem is all the women say they are “independent” and don’t need a man but after a couple months they want to get more serious, even though I am perfectly up front at the beginning. I love being able to come home, close the door, and not have to fuck with anybodies mood swings or BS.
On this I’d have to say yes and no. I was in a LTR years ago, and planned on spending my life with Him, but he left me for a younger man who gave HIV, and I read in the paper about his younger guy dieing from AIDS. I later heard from my ex that he was very sick himself, and that’s the last I heard from him. Had he stayed with me I’d probably still be with him, but there’s no way to know that now. I’ve dated men over the years and have had some guys I dated for several years before one of us moved on, but the feelings just wasn’t there for me to commit. I’d rather be with out a lover than stuck in a loveless relationship. When people ask me why I am not in a relationship, I usually answer: My relation(ship) sank! So as of the here and now I guess I’m single by choice.
Single pretty much by choice. Most gay men are full of dog shit. Most are liars, who want their cake and eat it too. I make more money than most, I have a great career, so other than occasional sex, which I can easily get, I have no use for dealing with evil fickle ass gay men. The last LTR I was in I was dealt a pretty heavy blow by a lying cheater lower life form who completely smashed any faith I had in men. So this is it. I’m good just like I am.
I love, love, love being single. So it is by choice for me. I was spoiled and in my previous years being bisexual. I was married to a woman, had amazing sex and then I could hook up with guys (yes, she knew) and have more amazing sex. That was a very long term relationship, but I’ve been single now for 10 years and have thought about being in a relationship with a guy occasionally, but I see my friends and the issues that they have during their relationships and I just say “fuck it” and have the big bed and pillows all to myself. Which is just fine with me.
I’ve tried the dating thing, but I refuse to argue with someone about anything. Either talk it out or forget it. I let other peoples stuff just roll off my shoulders. I also won’t physically fight. I grew up in that type of relationship and a couple guys I dated wanted to get physical and it’s not a turn on, it’s a total turn off. I’ve just realized that dating guys is weird and it’s really only for physical happiness at this point in my life.
I believe that most gay men are non-committal and would much rather take the path of least resistance, choosing random sex than have the courage to allow themselves to be vulnerable emotionally. Although I have fallen into that same trap, deciding to be in a relationship with my career instead. But with time I have matured and allowed myself to be okay with getting hurt. It’s a part of life. Why pretend to believe that one can deceive what the heart wants? Sometimes you want someone to share your life with. But when 80% of gay men make it an uphill climb with their emotionally immature ways, when you look at the numbers and how few of us there are, our cowardice is only making our odds worse.
Single by choice. I have had a few ltrs but now Id prefer being single. I am 62 not bad on the eyes, well educated etc. I just dont trust men anymore, and I can do as I please when ever. Its not that I will settle either. Life is great, one doesnt have to have the bf to be happy.
I am also single by choice I feel like I need to get my life together FIRST before I meet someone. Also, I like sleeping around I do not know WHY that is seen as a bad thing. Sometimes a relationship from what I hear will let a person OFF of getting on with their personal goals.
I’m single but it’s hard to say whether it’s a choice issue or not. Basically, I look in the mirror and say, “Would YOU date this guy?” and have to respond, “no,” hence not really trying to find a relationship. Guess that’s why I haven’t reached beta yet.
Kinda both. I’ve always wanted to be in a relationship and finally found someone. He has someone else unfortunately, but he knows how I feel and still chose to be my friend. Hence, I said I’ll wait for him as long as I can. I know what I want in a man so I won’t get desperate and just jump into a relationship with anyone because I’m bored or lonely. Doing that brings all type of unknown problems.
*EDITED. Admin, please post this one instead of the 2 other messages I posted above. Thanks.
Yes, very much so. Been there, done that. I have found that whatever you get from romantic relationships (i.e. cuddling, emotional support, logistics support – help with rent/mortgage, bills, somebody to drive you when you need it, take care of you when you’re sick, etc.) are not enough for what you have to sacrifice and compromise (i.e. giving up of some freedoms, stress and DRAMA) in order to get them, which are almost always only fleeting and never permanent anyway. Add to that the basic biology of males to want sex all the time and then you put two of them together, and the predictable farce becomes predictable tragedy. A study found out that straight men have an average of 9 sexual partners in their lifetimes while gay men have 500, which tells you women ARE the controllers given that men would have more partners if they could have sex with other men.
There are, of course, a tiny few exceptions that you hear about every now and then but the only way it works for gays from what I have personally seen time and again is if they’re in a mature, honest and open relationship. I’m not opposed to having something like that if I could find the right partner but still, to me, the ONLY way all the drama and possible (inevitable, really) separation could be worth it is if there’s a possibility of getting a biological child out of it that you can raise to be a great human being with a good heart (and then help cure diseases and solve some of the world’s problems). That may be possible through adoption but, until Molecular Biology and Genetics make it possible for 2 sperm nuclei to be combined and transplanted into a denucleated egg cell that can then be grown inside a surrogate mother, I think I’m going to pass.
Also, the most important thing to realize in all this is that NOBODY can complete you except for yourself. That Jerry Maguire line is one of the most damaging things that perpetuate this romantic myth that needs to be killed already. If you don’t feel complete and happy by yourself, you shouldn’t look for it from another person because that’s a sure recipe for disaster. Only when you’re content and happy with and by yourself should you even contemplate getting into a relationship. And if you can find somebody else who’s in the same state then both of you will be sharing to the other an overflow instead of sucking the life out of each other in order to feel “complete.”
Then again, you might get into a place of contentment and happiness like where I am now in which I am scared of “fixing” something that’s not broken. If you’re fine just by yourself, why bother upsetting the apple cart, know what I mean? But, again, I guess that’s when you’re ready for finding that other person who’s in exactly the same place. When the both of you are not actively looking for it because you don’t really “need” it and yet you think it may make your lives better and happier by being together by sharing your overflow, that’s when it will more likely work for the long term I think.
Definitely single by choice, having fun, and loving it. Funny I’m meeting guys lately who would like to spend more time with me and get more… personal…one 23 year old in particular, and I’m sense that he thinks (no matter what I tell him) that I’m a sugar daddy (I’m 54) but I’m not.
But it’s the single life for me. For now anyway. I do never say never.
Single by choice: I love love love doing what I want, when I want, who I want. My coupled friends are always complaining and bitching about their partners. I have too much fun being single.
I would be if I had to try to like someone on the Adam4Adam website. These guys are asses, why in the world would you “block” someone just for saying, ” hello how are you doing today?”. With men like this, where are the lesbians…… wake up little boys, the reason you are trolling on the computer for sex is your fucking attitude.
I suppose single by choice. Can’t take the plunge yet. But want to.
I am not single by “Choice”…I found a person he lives in Raleigh but sadly it did not work out. Really I wish it did. I waited that long to be with him; therefore I can wait another 4years. Choices
Single by choice
Rather be single by choice. Gets old being misled into the wrong direction because people tend to get confused over their own feelings and use their past as an excuse. No point being in an honest relationship whether he/she are even honest with themselves or just have their feelings all tangled up in some kind of web.
I’m single not by choice I’m into interracial dating and living here in the south doesn’t help. I’m a biracial blk/wht guy who is into mostly white guys or who I prefer to date. I’m not a bad looking guy I get often from all types of guys. So I’ve been waiting on my guy who is interested in interracial dating a blk guy. So single not by choice just waiting on my white prince.
25-55 yrs I’m 36 yrs and cute bottom;).
Currently single, most recently it was by choice because it wasn’t working. I have to remind myself everyday to keep my mind and heart open to whatever may come.
I suppose I am am SINgle by choice. I say it that way because my expectations of a man and for a relationship are very high. Have never met a man who aligns with my core values. I’m happy with that 🙂
I am happily single by choice, I was in a 23 month relationship that ended badly because I think he was a paranoid schizophrenic and had many mood swings that would cause him to say and do mean and hurtful things. the topper on the cake so to speak was him telling me on the morning of December 5, 2011 that he wants to live alone and he proceeds to call 911 and have Chicago police escort me and my possessions out of “HIS” apartment, I was unemployed at the time and could not refuse to leave. I spent 2 months in a homeless shelter before getting accepted into a housing assistance program and landing the sweet little studio apartment I am now living in, I also found a job 4 blocks from home and have been happily living each day as it comes meeting guys from time to time and having sex when I feel a connection with them. the douche bag ex-boyfriend in his paranoid state of mind always thought I was cheating on him which I NEVER did especially since he told me his last three relationships ended because the boyfriends had cheated on him. I still have moments when I am reminded of things he did to me and I still hold some resentment against him, but it is slowly fading into the background. maybe one day I’ll be ready but that day has not arrived yet.
Not really by ‘choice’ but it doesn’t bother me. I keep my eyes open, but haven’t met anyone where there’s been mutual interest very often.
Being single is really suck in my opinion but I wouldn’t settle to be in a relationship just because everyone seem to have one. It really require a lot of work and efforts.
Single…somewhat by choice. The one guy who ever truly stole my heart decided he was more in love with another guy over me. At the same time I was ready to ask him to be a serious partner and start a real relationship. We had been seeing each other pretty steadily for a good amount of time and spending all our free time together. I fell in love. I tried being supportive of his other relationship, but didn’t handle it well. When they broke up, I tried being friends and we did fool around one night, but things went south quick..not by my choice. We started being friendly and chatting again and then he stopped chatting. I still love him and have always cared. I just don’t want to get hurt like that ever again because I felt like I found my other half and he felt he did with someone else. I stll try to be a great friend and still do seek others for cuddles, fun and maybe even love. But I have a huge barrier that guys have to get through before I would be in a relationship with them and the guys I meet don’t know it.
Not single by choice! Live as a room mate with my last ex! Have occasional 3 ways, but don’t usually touch each other. I have to agree with Matt, he hit it on the nose! Good enough to fuck but not for a relationship
I’m single after two awful times with relationships, and I love it and would not change a thing. As I now and for the past 6 years have to answer to no-one. Plus the fact I’m not cheating on myself, I fuck around with whom I like.
Single but not by choice,… it is a hard thing to wake up in the morning and wonder if this is going to get better…
I’m single cause no one likes me # pissed off.
I can resonate with what Matt says–that’s brave, Matt. I often am attracted to guys who aren’t attracted to me (usually younger) and not attracted to guys who are attracted to me (usually older). When it “works out,” it usually only lasts for 3 weeks. What is it about 3 weeks?
I’d have to say it’s 50/50 split for me between by choice and by chance. I have been single for over three years now. My last relationship lasted just over two years, and it was two years too long. Apart from being long distance, he was emotionally abusive to me. It wasn’t until I finally walked away from it that I realized how bad he actually was to me. Funny how love makes us blind to things. I attribute part of that to why I’m still single. I find it very hard for myself to lower my walls any more and let anyone get close enough to me because of everything I went through with him.
Another aspect is the fact that I cannot find anybody worth the time to get to know where I live. I know there is no such thing as a “Mister Perfect” but is seems like a vast majority of the guys in my area either have dead in jobs with no aspirations for a career, have no means of transportation of their own, and/or still live with their parents. I’m not knocking it, but it just seems like guys in and around here have no ambition in life and just want to skate by on the bare minimum to survive. It also seems that a great many of them like to do nothing other get high or drink any and all free time they have. That is not the kind of guy I want to have a relationship with.
I find myself going back and forth on the relationship fence. While I miss the things you can do with companionship, I refuse to settle for someone who’s sub-par. I’m often curious if I’m the only one like this or if there are other guys who are in the same or similar boat.
That’s a good question…I think i am single by choice. Im a decent looking guy with a great personality. I just don’t really put myself out there for fear of rejection. Plus, Im not like the typical gay male (no offense to anyone). I Don’t try to look like Americas next top model. I mean, I take care of myself but I’d always hoped to meet someone who would see me inside and out. Maybe subconsciously its my way of weeding out the shallow guys… I dont know
I miss cuddles and doing activities with a lover too–IMMENSELY, but I can’t compromise anything again either. I got rid of way too much and tried to change things about me that I shouldn’t have becasue he didn’t like them for one reason or another. I spent 1/3 of my life with my first (and only) boyfriend when I came out in ’02 (He broke up with me-on the phone no less-in ’10) and I invested my soul in him and that relationship and got royally screwed in every way possible. I can’t do that again-and won’t becuase my trust was shattered and I don’t trust my judgement anymore. I’ve lingered atop the Golden Gate Bridge far too many times when I visit out there, so I’m single by choice now. Always will be too
I’m single not by choice, never have any long term relationship yet, but looking for a special someone that’s ready for a mature relationship. I’m in early 40 but late in the gay dating scene due to culture background difference and late career path. Always a skeptic about LTR longevity however I believe a successful relationship does work if both sides compromise and willing to try new things to make it interesting. I’m not the type to have anonymous sex with many guys but I do go all out in expressing my desire whenever I am with someone. Sex with me (scorpio) is a special connection so hot sex is very important otherwise I’d feel the void or unsatisfaction after a bad sex encounter. I’m more an All or Nothing kinda guy so I can go without sex for a long time. I’d rather skip the whole hookup thing especially in the nondisclosed discreet shady online dating nowadays rigged with STDs catching propensity but my hopeless romantic side pulls through so I have to kiss many frogs until my prince appear. I understand nobody likes getting rejection but we just have to learn to forget about it and better ourselves to be ready for meeting the next potential mate. It sucks that you got hurt in a relationship but at least you experienced LOVE. I think people are easier to relate to people being vunerable when in love than those hot looking guys that hook up with many many other guys just for the sake of conquest. Remember to stay true to yourself especially in the new improved self and be kind to others without sacrifying your LTR goal not because you’re getting old and afraid to be alone after 40. howardangel
More or less by choice.I’ll be honest, I’m at a selfish stage in my life. I’m in my mid-20’s and I’m more concerned with figuring out if I want to further my education, travel more, or find more hobbies than being in a relationship. Meanwhile, if I come across someone who is looking for the same things that I am I’m not opposed to being in one. My parents have been (mostly) happily married for almost forty years, and they travelled together and finished their educations before children were even a thought, so I think it’s possible to obtain both… Plus my roommate (who’s also gay) is in a relationship with someone who moved in after knowing each other a couple of weeks and it’s the perpetual pendulum of cheesy idioms and “I love you’s” and shouting and name calling. That’s a little too much drama for me. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
EVERYONE is single by choice because that’s what being single is: a choice, not a punishment. Sadly, the mentality really hasn’t changed. It used to be “you need to be married”, now it’s “you need to be in a relationship”. And if you’re not, well, then, there HAS to be something wrong with you. People don’t like being alone because they don’t know how; because we’ve all been raised to believe that being alone is a punishment and that a relationship is an instant guarantee of happiness. I prefer to be alone because I feel that when it comes to relationships, most people just don’t fucking get it. It seems most guys I have dated are in some huge rush to get somewhere and if they don’t feel an INSTANT connection, then it’s just not worth their precious time or they’re just plain looking for perfect. Funny thing is, these are all the same whiny little bitches who piss and moan about there not being any good men out there. There ARE good men out there, they just don’t come in the form of Channing Tatum nor are they going to turn into him. I still date and all that, I’ve just learned not to have any expectations and have realized that I am better off by myself because of all that I have stated above. That, and no one’s honest; with themselves or other people, which only complicates matters. Being single is my choice and I feel no need to think I am somehow flawed or missing out because of it.
Always been single and probably always will be. Never had a boyfriend. Now that I’m older, I realize I don’t need a relationship. I have no time for that. Having said that, its not like I have many options anyway. I don’t click much with other guys when it comes to my tastes and interests. When I’m in the mood for any kind of physical contact I just come on this site. I don’t have luck on a regular basis but sometimes a guy actually doesn’t flake. I wore my heart on my sleeve when I was younger. Now I realize its not worth the heartache. I have no time for emotional turmoil. I’m busy enough with my life.
I would say I am single but open mined. I met couple of jerks but I think if the right one comes with the right approach,yeah I would give it a try. Dave I think you should give it a second chance see where it goes there must be a little spark in either pilot or the police,there must be something about either one that makes you laugh,gauge it see where it goes.
I would say I am single but open mined. I met couple of jerks but I think if the right one comes with the right approach,yeah I would give it a try. Dave I think you should give it a second chance see where it goes there must be a little spark in either pilot or the police,there must be something about either one that makes you laugh,gauge it see where it goes.
single but not by my choice,was in a relationship in 2013 it was the best time of my life now out and enjoying sharing my daddy dick with the younger guys. have met a cpl that would consider for a LTR.until he comes along will just have to see what happenes…..Dean
I chose to end a relationship that was no longer working.
How did I decide? When the bad times are worse than the good times are good, it’s time. When you’re giving more than you’re getting, it’s time.
I have been single for eight years. I think it’s my profession and the fact I’m heavily tattooed and pierced. It was in one relationship and it was terrible and abusive. I have never been the same person either. I have been on many dates and it’s either I hear I’m a nice guy or I hear why have you been single so long. Yes I’m a nice guy but I’m tired of hearing it. The relationship,part , well at least I have been in 10 failing relationships. Hard work and I hate it
I’m am single now after my first long term relationship. That relationship lasted about 8 yrs. and what a good time it was. I was truly heartbroken (and still kind of am) over the whole break up. But for now I am single by choice. I have too much baggage to take into a relationship at this time. Why should I expose someone else to my problems. So for now I’ll go it alone having fun along the way. It would be helpful to have some gay friends to hang with, but I do have a close knit family that keeps me going.
I’m single By Choice, Most Guys Say Want A Relationship And Love, I Just Want Sex, And moSt Of Us Even iF We Are In Relationship Never Say No To A Quick Fuck With A Stranger. So, What’s The point Of Being In A Relationship??
@Matt..I wish I could hug you!! Try get getting involved in a charitable(everyone has a single purpose and common goal)gay organization where people see your heart and not those fuckin meat markets that have nothing but rotten choices.. hense..the reasons why “IM” single.. I’ve been a decent looking guy growing up..I hate saying this because because I know these queens look for any reason to attack someone on here..but nobody really saw my heart..saw into me..I was arm candy..something for people to show off to there friends like a expensive toy..and pretty much to this day..though ive aged..im aging fairly well. .for that im grateful. .but still having similar problems..still seems like nobody wants to know who I am..what I like..or how I feel about the damn president!! Its just about sex!! so now..I mess with these guys by making them have a couple drinks with me and some conversation before they can have sex with me..lol..its funny to watch them squirm too!! 😉 but daaaaaammmmmit..the sex is better that way..BELIEVE ME..even they are more comfortable. ..but..it still leaves you feeling empty..the no attachment. .no “sincere” cuddling. .no lets go have dinner now..no bonding friendship. .. BUT!!
somethings come along by accident. I met a guy here(A4A)..made plans on meeting up with him on my shore leave..I went home for a couple days and started running a slight fever the day I was to meet him but figured it was just the hangover I aquired after being at sea so long..lol..but to keep my promise. .I drove 4 hrs to my place of employment for a meeting (also he lives around there) got a motel rm..the fever started kicking in as he came to meet me..we were supposed to go have lunch. .but wasnt feeling well. .we did have sex briefly..but soon after I was down for the count..I ended up at this motel for 4 days really sick..this poor man came every day bringing liquids and soup to me..I even had to go to the hospital. .ended up being a severe case of strepthroat and a kidney infection from being dehydrated from the fever..they pumped me full of antibiotics and I went to the motel to rest some more..he shows up later to check on me and I had to tell him that he was probably and most likely gonna get sick..he shrugged and kissed me! He got antibiotics from a (doctor) friend of his to nail it before he got sick.. I ended up going back offshore..where I am now..and he wants to get together at an old plantation hotel for 2 nights and spend time to get to know me..now ..all I can say is..um..WOW!! so.. im not sure if I want a relationship. .not ready for sure because im just now getting out of a really strange relationship..one that was bad all the way around from the beginning and dont think this poor guy deserves anything else but my sincere honesty..I told him I wasn’t readu for a relationship and we both decided to take things slow but I found myself calling him before bed and when I wake during coffee…ARGGGGHHH… LOL..getting shore leave on the 24th..guess I’ll just have to see what fate has to say..still gonna take it very slow..no matter whst fate says.. 😉 ummm..that is all..y’all can take a pee break now..
woops..my bad..I didn’t meet him on A4A..but these dating sites are all the same..just hate going to bed knowing I wrote something that wasn’t true..lol..ok..now go pee..
Single by choice, at the moment. (Was going to put: ATM, but remembered that has alternate meaning, too. LOL). Looking but not looking. Would rather a bf that has his own place but is looking for a companion for all the things a couple does together, but when we need our space, we have it readily available. Trading off on weekends at his place or mine would be like going on mini vacations together.
It is very difficult for me, though, because I work 5 nights a week on the overnight shift. That too is by choice as it is steady and I don’t have to deal with the crazy day-walkers. Sorry, but day time people are way more stressed & stressful than us night timers. So he would have to be someone that works nights, too.
Like some of the others, I am not going to “settle”. And if being alone until I die is my option then that is soooo much better than dying while not alone but without love between us.
I am single by choice.
I was married twice before I came out. I have custody of my two young boys from the second marriage. Their mother has very limited contact.
I have chosen to remain single because I have found that gay men are way too demanding of their partner’s full attention all the time. My children come first. They always will and I’d just rather not fight about that with someone else.
I enjoy having my own time and my own space. I’m not closed off to a relationship with a man…..maybe the right one will come along some day…..but until then, I’m single and I’m just doing me and taking care of my family.
I am single by choice, like most, I have things I want the other person to have to consider being in a serious relationship with. Honesty and being monogamous are on my priority list. Unfortunatly, being monogamous isn’t in most gay peoples mind set. And looking for love in your 50’s and older your choices get rather limited. So to all you guys in your 20’s and 30’s who believe they just aren’t ready to settle down with one guy yet, I wouldn’t wait to long if I was you, remember your pretty looks won’t last forever to attract that guy you will want eventually.
I am single for 4 years now by choice, after a 3 year relationship that ended with lots of heart ache. I am happy with myself, I find it hard to find a real man who wants to start a relationship, i feel once you are over 50 years, it should be about love, not about what you have materially. As life goes on i see myself as someone who is happy with himself and being single is good, not bad.
I had a few ugly endings, then a 14 year partner, he passed two years ago and while I have started dating, I am not ready to be fair to a new partner yet, not fair to them or myself.
Being single isn’t a bad thing, it has allowed me time to decide what I want in life.
Not single by choice. I have tried to find someone. The 3 relationships I have been in have all ended bad. I would love to find someone that I could settle down with and have a life with. Lots of love to give, just no one to give it to.
Single by choice – for 14 years now since the end of my 8 yr relationship. I don’t trust gay guys. Gay guys can rationalize and compartmentalize nearly any behavior and cheat without batting an eye. I’d estimate that 90% of the guys I know are “open”, or fuck around on the side on business trips, online, etc. I’d rather just stay single than open my heart to someone who will eventually step on it.. Much easier that way.
I have been single for almost 6 years and love it. I do what I want when I want, spend my money how I want to spend it (which means, not on some guy) and I answer to no one. If anything, being single has allowed me to become my own person more than I ever was in any relationship. What’s funny is that the sense of self and independence I have seems to really attract other guys, and they want to get serious with me because of it. But I still say no…Being single for so long has taught me that don’t like sharing my bed and have no desire to start now. 🙂
I’m single because the man I loved for 10 years died suddenly. We did have our fights but afterwards I always felt like there was no place I’d rather be than in his arms. Even looking back, I’m grateful that I was able to love him for as long as I did. I would love to be in a relationship again, but it’s hard to imagine loving anyone that much again. Some people here are mistrustful because their last partner hurt them. For me, I’m more worried about the family. My partner’s mother and I don’t get along, and she seems so helpless that she depended on him for everything, including filling the void left by not having a husband. I’m afraid of meeting someone else with a mother like that. I’m making some new friends now, but nobody I feel strongly enough about to do anything serious with. I’m hoping someday I’ll be comfortable meeting someone new without always thinking of my last partner.
I am single but not by choice. I just don’t understand gay men in this area. They are all about flirting and having sex but the minute I get serious, I can hear the screeching of tires out the driveway even before they leave. I am now 59 and not happy that I am still single.
Why did you delete my comment?
I don’t even know why I’m single anymore. I guess deception will do that to you.
Im not single by choice. I met this guy i really like and we see each other 2-3 times a week. We have been doing this for a year now, and we both caught feelings, but cant do anything about them because he is “DL”. Its a disaster, i would love to be with him, but cant, and i would also like to stop feeling stupid, but cant because i would miss him.
I am 62 years old and have been in so many fucked up relationships both male and female that I choose to be single and intend to stay that way. I have one guy I call my boyfriend and we get together have really hot sex, have dinner and I go home. That is the way I like it. My boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with anyone but me so that’s cool, but he doesn’t give a rats ass if I fuck other guys, so I consider myself a lucky man. If I ever want to settle down it will be with him, because I really do love him but for now single I shall be and stay that way.
I’ve been single now for over 3 years and I am choosing to stay this way.For me I am enjoying myself with no worries about what someone else thinks or having to compromise just to make someone else happy.Relationships are very hard work and if you can pull it off congrats.But at this stage in my life I prefer to take care of myself first.I was always the one who put them first and rarely had time for me.Not their fault,but something that never works out in the end.If the right one were to come along I would think about it.But I’m not actively looking for a partner.
I’m single by choice, I’m 45 while I like my independence, I do miss some aspects of a relationship, my ex is still a good friend of mine and I’ve been contemplating getting back with him but don’t want to jeopardize our friendship, when we were in a relationship we, mainly me, was in a different place in life. Now that we’re both more mature and stable things might work…we’ll see
@Matt….I’m so sorry to hear about your experiences…gay men can be EXTREMELY CRUEL…but to be so hard on yourself isn’t healthy either…try joining some social clubs..or find hobbies that involve groups of people…there are always people out there who are at least willing to be friends…its better to be SINGLE with great friends…than be in a shitty relationship…pick yourself up!!!I’m actually your same age..I’ve been I a long term relationship..13 yrs..we have our issues like everyone else..and even I love him and live with him, a lot of times I feel VERY ALONE…I crave being “wanted”… maybe its just me..anyway..its never too late for you..start eating healthy.do some vigorous exercise..even if its just walking a lot at first..I walk on avg of 15 miles a week at a hard pace..and it keeps me toned up..but don’t keep yourself down!its not safe! Good luck! Oh and good luck to all of you…and ignore the haters!!
I am single by choice as well. After my last relationship ended 3 years ago I decided that I would not get into another relationship until I found the right guy for me. Too many guys move from guy to guy, month after month, and to me that is not happiness. I am much happier being single then I would be if I were tied down to a guy just waiting on the next guy to come along. I’ve been on a few dates in the past 3 years, but I have yet to find someone that I feel a “spark” with, so until that time I will remain happily single. I would rather spend the rest of my life happy and single than in a relationship where I am unhappy.
I’m single by choice but would love to be partnered with Someone . The problem lies with both guys wanting the same thing. Compatibility, love for one another, friendship, compassion, give and take.
I was 40 y when i met the guy on Gayromeo site, he was 49,handsome men and by the way iam middle eastern guy.
long story short, we met and becoming friends,i went his place at least 3 time a week ,but Never had sex.
he was nice at the begining, but in fact he was evil,or wolf in the sheep skin,he offer me to do animal science bussiness together after 2 year of friendship with him, he never pay for anything , all i paid, even for grocery shopping, stuff, in fact i was suger daddy for him, but i love him very much at that point ,anyway, i pay $3000 for becoming partner with him, he took my money and after 3 year friendship his gone with the wind ,he moved from his place to BH as far as i know, and he never call and answer me at all,
Hey guys, flee from evil and guys who wants u to abuse u, in fact i was a victom of this guy , and iam sure he did this to many,
anyway, be careful who u dating and choosing as friend. because is relly hard to deal with gaymen and also type of guy like him
lately i saw him in adam4adam and his profile was KINGKOHL. but his deleted his account ,maybe he saw me here also.
Do not look at the guy as his good looking and his body ,infact look at the guy as he is ,and his heart .
some of handsome guys are devil inside, and some are normal looking but godly lovely guy
what u guys choose?
i prefer stay single instead of having DEVIL by my side
i leave everything to the LORD, his gonna punish him ,iam very sure
thank u for who read my msg
may the Lord be with all of u
I’m single by choice. Was severely f**ked over. Was lied to and cheated on and left with all joint financial responsibilities. Took me years to dig myself out, working three job’s and having no life to speak of. And swore to myself that would never happen again. But being single does have it’s drawbacks, being the third, fifth or even seventh wheel not so fun. But love my friends and family and they always include me in whatever, always meet interesting people but always keep them at arms length afraid of what may happen. But as of late I’ve throwing my arms up and will let fate take its course, and enjoy the new people that come into my life and leave the past in the past. Thanks for letting me vent =)
I was in a thirteen year relationship that ended in November of 2013 and everything we had together was in their name. I lost a house, a car, and 6 wonderful dogs. I was only able to take what could fit into a very large suitcase and fly home to Florida from California. I was only able to afford a airplane ticket back to my hometown where I had some family that were willing to let me stay with them till I got a little settled. Well needles to say I was out living on the streets by mid-January since I was unable to find a job in the area and my families landlords complained about having to many people in an apartment.
I lived out on the streets for a period of 4 months till God started working in my life. During that period of what I like to call domestically challenged, I started to volunteer at a local church. I was offered a place to stay and did community service at the church till I was able to get a bike, a lock and chain, and some lights. (28hours) I was then able to get a cell phone from the government program (what people commonly refer to as an Obama phone) I went to the local labor ready and got 1 job that paid me 30 I bought a bus pass for 20 and spent the rest on a carton of cigarettes. And it has all been uphill since then in my life.
While homeless I lost 2 backpacks and all the clothing and stuff I had in them. So when I moved into the house that I am now paying 500 a month to stay at (I was able to finally find a full time job) I only have a limited wardrobe and happy with what I have. It may not be brand name clothes or a brand new bike, but my bike with all the rusted rims and dry rotted tires is slowly making a come back and so am I.
So to answer the question posed no I am not single by choice, but by circumstance. I have overcome homelessness, and got a job, a bike , and ride the bus but no one takes the chance to see what I have overcome to get where I am. And where I am is not good enough for them so they can piss off. I am proud of what I have accomplished in the last 10 months. I have seen and had to go though a lot of crap to have what I have today. And if it isn’t good enough for them then as I said PISS OFF.
I’m single by choice and have been that way for 10 years. Basically what it boils down to is that a) I’m the only person I can trust enough to date and b) nobody will ever love me as much I love me.
I believe that people are meant to be paired. Everything gets in the way, including the people meant to be paired. Selfishness is the big thing. People have no idea of how much you can gain by giving yourself to someone. Too many people are centered on what they get from a relationship. I use the term people because it is not limited to gay men. People are also sometimes not suited to ever be paired, mainly because they are selfish I think. But hey, it’s just my opinion.
I’m like Franco. My tolerance has really gone down for a guy’s BS. I miss being with someone on a regular basis, but I think I’m happier just ‘window shopping’ and hooking up occasionally. One of my favorite ways to window shop is going out for a massage and if there are sparks, I definitely go for it!! You can meet some really nice guys that aren’t trying to impress you like the guys in a bar. What transpires is usually genuine, since alcohol isn’t playing a factor on their personality.
I didn’t choose to be single. I guess I have had my share of bad relationships. I guess I am the kind of person that is too nice. The minute they have their way with you and waste you—it is game over. Do you think I am just this gay guy that they can just play and waste when the moment or time is up– of course not, I would love to have a good relationship someone who will love me forever. I guess I have not found the right one yet. It is either they like and I don’t like them or I like them or they don’t like me. It is frustrating. Maybe I am not masculine enough or I am just too feminine the stereotypical gay guy who just doesn’t fit in the category of gay masculinity. It is something very difficult and depressing at some point.
Single by choice. I’m 27 and have never been in a serious relationship. Just hasn’t been an important thing to me yet. I’ve made a bunch of friends and maybe one day the right guy for me will show up but I’m not going out of my way to find him.
I’m single….by choice? NO!….however I will remain single until someone special comes along. I spent over 25 years in a relationship with a wonderful man. He died suddenly of a freak accident and my world was turned upside down. I don’t think any of us wants to be single….however being in a relationship simply to say you’re in one will never work. I’m now in my late 50’s and being alone is not a heart warming thought…..but to be with someone who is not in it for the long haul…..it’s not worth it. I can take very good care of myself….but sharing with another is what life is about. I hope one day someone special will come along again….however if not….I’ll cling to the memories I’ve made and remember just how lucky I was to know what few ever experience.
Be single has made me lookin at myself here and learn more about myself instead of focusing on the other person or us! I needed to stop and love me more,and care for me more! It feels good to be in a relationship…..but you lose a lot of yourself in it. I have learned to love and care for yourself!….Before you can love anyone else ! ! !…..
I was in a thirteen year relationship that ended in November of 2013 and everything was in their name. I lost a house, a car, and 6 wonderful dogs. I was only able to take what could fit into a very large suitcase and fly home to Florida from California. I was only able to afford a airplane ticket back to my hometown where I had some family that were willing to let me stay with them till I got a little settled. Well needles to say I was out living on the streets by mid-January since I was unable to find a job in the area and my families landlords complained about having to many people in an apartment.
I lived out on the streets for a period of 4 months till God started working in my life. During that period of what I like to call domically challenged, I started to volunteer at a local church. I was offered a place to stay and did community service at the church till I was able to get a bike, a lock and chain, and some lights. (28hours) I was then able to get a cell phone from the government program (what people commonly refer to as an Obama phone) I went to the local labor ready and got 1 job that paid me 30 I bought a bus pass for 20 and spent the rest on a carton of cigarettes.
While homeless I lost 2 backpacks and all the clothing and stuff I had in them. So when I moved into the house that I am now paying 500 a month to stay at (I was able to finally find a full time job) I only have a limited wardrobe and happy with what I have. It may not be brand name clothes or a brand new bike, but my bike with all the rusted rims and dry rotted tires is slowly making a come back and so am I.
So to answer the question posed no I am not single by choice, but by circumstance. I have overcome homelessness, and got a job, a bike , and ride the bus but no one takes the chance to see what I have overcome to get where I am. And where I am is not good enough for them so they can piss off. I am proud of what I have accomplished in the last 10 months. I have seen and had to go though a lot of crap to have what I have today. And if it isn’t good enough for them then as I said PISS OFF.
Yes, I am single by choice. I have several lovers, but after a 15 year relationship, during which I gave up much of myself, I am pleased to be myself again, doing the things I love, with no clinging vine attached to me!
Single by choice mostly and maybe a little by the other. Guys put way too much attention on looks and not all guys are made of hairspray and makeup. I wish guy could see one another for what is in their hearts and not on their face.
I ama very decent looking guy and I’ve been in a few long term relationships, longest was 2 years. I’ve come to the realization that I tend to be controlling and stubborn, Must be the Irish in me! I have been single for about 5 years now. I just stopped going out and detach from bad friendships. As I enter my 40’s, I seem to enjoy more quite times at home after long days of work (construction). I have two cats and they pick me up when needed. I’m not too sociable but feel that I could bring a guy home, if horny enough. But that’s just not me. So, I’d have to say I’m single by choice and loving it !!!
I was in a 20 year plus relationship that ended this spring. A friend asked if I ever thought I would be in another relationship again. My answer was No. After all the sacrifices, all the compromising I would rather be single the rest of my life to do what I want to do.
Most gay men don’t date and will never give themselves that chance to know someone beyond their own bed. Being single is great when your young but wait until your older and now alone. It’s no fun being rejected solely because of your age by most gay males. All the people who say how wonderful it is to be single never think about the time when they will be older, frail and alone and vulnerable. This will come to all of us.
As a younger gay man told me…”I don’t want to end up like you!” Guess what? You will! All my peers complain about being alone and single in their 40’s and 50’s. Since we are now rejected and seen as having nothing to offer, all I can say is.. I was once you and you shall become me!
I’m in a relationship…its not the best but I do wonder if I’m wasting my time or if he’s cheating but all this goes with happiness..too be single by choice out of fear is sad to me because the world in ppl we go on with or without u…if my relationship don’t work out this time it won’t stop me from strapping up n hiding someone truly worth my time…ijs a man can’t stop me from being happy or getting what I want because he’s a dick..i deserve what I want
Matt – would you like to exchange emails? If you would like to, we could be email pen pals. I understand what you are going through.
Except for the pilot and cop part i could have written this. No more compromising for me, I fear growing old alone, but not as much as I fear giving in as an old man..
I’m single not by choice. I have not found a suitable guy to really be worthy of having a relationship in my area of a 50 mile radius. The potential ones that like are either too far away or from another state far away or already taken. Race is not an issue for me; however, it is tough and extremely difficult to find a relationship in the South where racism is still alive and well in my opinion and still live in the dark ages. I’m African American in good shape, mid 40’s, good job, no kids, good health but still I can’t find the man of my dreams who is open minded and want me in a 50 mile radius. I have tried bars, online sites, going out, parks, yet still empty in my area. I don’t know what else to do and my fear is I will be single forever unless I move and I don’t want that yet. I have certain expectations I want in a man and I should not have to compromise my standards. All I ask is a chance. Please help. Open to suggestions.
It depends what you mean by “choice.” Have I chosen to be single because I prefer to live my life without consideration of someone else’s interests, needs and desires? Emphatically, NO! Am I willing to sacrifice my interests, needs and desires, just so I can have someone always available at my beck and call? Another emphatic NO! I have always known that the good things in life are best when they are shared … with someone you love more than all others, and who loves you more than all others. But when I was young, I made a conscious decision not to put my life “on hold,” in the hope that I would miraculously meet Mr. Right and we would happily build a life together. So, as Allen Saunders wrote: “Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
By this advanced stage of my life, I have a good career, own my home and have furnished it well. I can’t imagine a man exists who could make me discard everything I’ve achieved to start a new life with him. And I can’t imagine being interested in someone who doesn’t have achievements of his own to be proud of. So it would seem that I’m destined to be single for all of my life. It’s not my choice — and it is.
I posted a reply 2 or 3 days ago, and so far there’s been no sign of it. There was 9 replies then, and there are 9 replies now. What there’s no one that can moderate the posts? I know life goes on, but if there isn’t anyone to moderate, then why have the sight set up for moderation?
Single by choice.
Im 27 and very independent. Been in relationships before but now that L word isnt even in my vocabulary. Is it selfish to only be looking out for myself and my needs? Dont get me wrong, a LTR would be awesome, but for the time being I want to have fun, be free and keep my options open.
I am not single by choice. Sadly, I am 51 and a big guy at 250. Even though others say I am smart and have a good personality, most of the gay community here in Fort Wayne is quite shallow and clique…ish. I wasn’t born or raised here. I just try to be a good guy, but no luck. I don’t like to sleep around. Oh well, I won’t give up.
Single, by choice. I’ve had three relationships in the past and all were mistakes. I’ve been happy being single since 2009 and have no regrets. I have gone on dates but never wanted it to be serious. I will admit, some nights it’s lonely without a cuddle buddy and other nights it’s perfect. I do have a regular buddy, and we get along well, but don’t think we could get serious.
I am Single for a few reasons, First my health is not very good I been sick most of my life and its hard for a healthy person to want to commit to a sick person and there is no option on A4A or any other personals site for handicap people to meet one another, also I have lost my job of many years and live with my family again at age 41 that is not a big selling point either for finding a partner. So my circumstances make it very hard to find a life partner. I wish A4A would help by adding a handicap option to its search engine.
I am not single by choice. My relationship with my partner of 11.5 yrs, he ended. Not me. Before him, I was in a relationship with an older man for 10 yrs, he died on me. Then the new one blossomed, and then rotted. I abhor being single. I never go out alone, so I stay at home. Work a lot. It sucks being single, especially if you are an introvert in the first place. Now, I find myself, 51 yrs old, attractive, professional, great job, but single. Who would want me now that I am the old guy? Yes, it sucks being single.
I’m single by choice because my interests are too obscure for me to have much in common with guys I’m attracted to. There are plenty of pasty white bloated, hairy and un-attractive nerds out there who I have much in common with, but alas…
I also had a pretty dream-like life with my socialite ex in Dallas. Many childhood dreams came true as far as getting to meet idols and to constantly be surrounded by elegance and opulence. It’s pretty hard to top that.
Most of us don’t spend our lives in Shangri-La. Life isn’t some endlessly ecstatic experience. Some do and good for them. People like me are lucky to have 5-10 years or absolute bliss. I’m not unhappy now but I’ve grown to appreciate contentment and having things on my own terms.
Not interested in dating period. I don’t care if they looked like Justin Bieber and had the mind of Stephen Hawking.
How about single by luck. My last serious relationship ended last October due to alcoholism. We’re still friends and I get the “when are we getting back together” question daily. Love is very elusive with me. I’m seeing an architect (same age), a prison guard, and a landscaper. The guy I want to be with is the architect. The physical connection is insane. We had sex twice in one day on his lunch break and again in the under renovations basement of a historic downtown building. I couldn’t stop thinking about that day for days. He’s not available, period. The prison guard is the one that’s making himself a lot more emotionally available than in the past but he still has much I’m hot and muscular ego going on. He’s in his late 40s, doesn’t text or email. I literally found him naked by the lake in the woods about 8 years ago. He picks up the phone and puts call time in which is a touch that’s missing with most men. Then there’s the landscaper. He’s always available and responsive in texts and calls. The other two are gentlemen but he’s the rude one. He’s ready for dating but I’m not ready for that with him and he knows. Karma is a mega u-know because the frustration he feels is amplified by 100 in my feelings for the architect. So there it is. I’m single due to luck.
Single though open to whatever may come.
I’m not entirely certain why it’s a notable surprise when someone attractive isn’t locked into a relationship. Really sets a horrible standard of thought, and personally I find it kind of offensive when people come at me like that.
“You’re single? How in the world is that possible?” Part of that’s a compliment, and part of it is a directed, “You’re attractive, so what else is wrong with you?” As if to say that not being in a relationship HAS to be due to a personal failure on your part.
Maybe I’m single because I keep meeting Mr. Wrong. Maybe I’m single because I’m recovering from a broken heart. Maybe I’m single because I like a little variety in my fucking. It’s also quite possible that all or none of these things are true, but the fun fact is that I’m single. So keep the compliment part, tell me I’m pretty, and get in line or step off, yo.
And bravo on sticking to career men, buddy… I live in Portland. There aren’t enough coffee shops to employ all of the car-less, beer drinking bicycle enthusiast vegans on the market here. Maybe THAT’s why I’m single. 😉
Matt-
I am so sorry guys have made you feel so bad. In my eyes, ugliness only resides in the soul. And you sound like a kind soul.
nope not single by choice
when I read these Blogs, sometime I feel very sad that most Gay guys really don’t know how to be friends first , I say ,I’m not single by choice” I go out I try to make friends, But it get to be more like “High School dealing with who the cool kid are or being judge cause the way you look. I’m learning their are more stuck up snobs, out there,than real people, so I label them “fAKE” “they say they want a buddy but don’t know how to be buddies, sex is easy when you don’t care about the partner,”that’s Sad” I’m sure nobody want to be alone, but we find ourselves alone even in a room full of people
I am single by choice. Times have changed an i miss that relationship era.Truthfully dont even think about it a loner at heart.Last relationship early 2000.
I am in a committed relationship of 17 years with 5 children. I never expected to be in a relationship, I was extremely happy being single and doing exactly as I pleased. I believe what we have is worth any amount of sacrifice. I hope everyone gets to find their true happiness, single or in a relationship. I know that there is someone out there for everyone whom chooses to be open to it. I found it, even though I never expected it and was not looking for it. If I can, so can you. Looks has nothing to do with it, find true happiness within yourself and that someone special will see it too. You must love yourself before anyone else will.
I was in a thirteen year relationship that ended in November of 2013 and everything was in their name. I lost a house, a car, and 6 wonderful dogs. I was only able to take what could fit into a very large suitcase and fly home to Florida from California. I was only able to afford a airplane ticket back to my hometown where I had some family that were willing to let me stay with them till I got a little settled. Well needless to say I was out living on the streets by mid-January since I was unable to find a job in the area and my families landlords complained about having to many people in a 1 bedroom apartment.
I lived out on the streets for a period of 4 months till God started working in my life. During that period of what I like to call domically challenged, I started to volunteer at a local church. I was offered a place to stay and did community service at the church until I was able to get a bike, a lock and chain, and some lights. (28hours) I was then able to get a cell phone from the government program (what people commonly refer to as an Obama phone) I went to the local labor ready and got 1 job that paid me 30 I bought a bus pass for 20 and spent the rest on a carton of cigarettes. And my life has been slowly recovering ever since.
While homeless I lost 2 backpacks and all the clothing and stuff I had in them. So when I moved into the house that I am now paying 500 a month to stay at (I was able to finally find a full time job) I only have a limited wardrobe and happy with what I have. It may not be brand name clothes or a brand new bike, but my bike with all the rusted rims and dry rotted tires is slowly making a come back and so am I.
So to answer the question posed no I am not single by choice, but by circumstance. I have overcome homelessness, and got a job, a bike , and ride the bus but no one takes the chance to see what I have overcome to get where I am. And where I am is not good enough for most of them so in my opinion they can piss off. I am proud of what I have accomplished in the last 10 months. I have seen and had to go though a lot of crap to have what I have today. And if it isn’t good enough for them then as I said PISS OFF.
REPLY TO MATT:
I would like to pass on something that when I was having issues at school not fitting in since I was Mennonite and most of the what we call “English” or non-Mennonite children would laugh at me or make fun of me. She sat me down and told me the following
You will always be to tall or to short
To fat or to thin
Not be wearing the right clothing
You may not have the newest backpack on the market
You may be riding an old rusted bike
But remember I love you for whom your are not what you wear and what you look like and if others can’t accept the material then cut out the bad parts of the cloth (the people that were bothering me) and ignore them when you have discarded them. And enjoy the quilt of your long life.
You maybe fat, and ugly in your opinion but do not let popular opinion stop you from being you. My mother also dropped this bomb shell on me and I share it with you.
Be the best you that you can be and worry about your life not living for others and what others think of you. You should be living it( life) and not letting anyone stop you from your goals and where you want to go in life.
I am single by choice. My last relationship was HELL for 14 Years. I enjoy having several FWB’s. I am not against having a relationship. I haven’t found Mr. Right.
no one wants to grow old alone…gay men are whores, that is the only reason most gays are single…we start to scramble when we hit around late 40’s, to find that “one” its sad really.
Yes and no. My requirements for a guy are just too high. Ya know. Breathing. Employed. Non-smoking. Around my age. Must love dogs.
I am recently single though not by choice. I was dating someone that was 15 years younger than I was. He was recently divorcedout to his family and friends . In allOn our third date
In Charlotte, it is all about money and age. If you are my age, then guys will only date or hookup with you if you have money, drive a luxury car and a live in a high rise condo or a million dollar house. So, I guess I am single by choice because I have none of those. I work and pay MY BILLS ONLY.
One more thing, guys that are married, partnered or dating, are cheating anyway. So, may as well be single.
I love being single! I have had a couple of long-term relationships where we were living together, and I enjoyed the cozy feelings of playing house, making dinner together, curling up on the sofa to watch a movie, etc. However, now that I am 41 and feel really good about who I am and what I am doing with my life, I have come to realize that I much prefer being single, having time to focus on my friends, family, work and the activities that I enjoy. Dating is really boring to me, and I feel that most dates are a big waste of time. I sit there looking at the guy asking all the usual questions, and I think to myself, “I wish I were out to dinner with my friend…”
Single by choice – for 14 years now since the end of an 8 year relationship. I don’t trust a gay man as far as I can throw him. Gay guys can rationalize and justify just about any behavior. At least 90% of the gay guys I know are either “open”, “don’t ask/don’t tell”, or just blatantly cheat on their partner. Why open your heart to someone who will just step on it?
I am single by choice, but am at a point in my life that I really want to share things with, but I am just over the games of the gay world. It seems everyone is into shallow things and cant see beyond their nose. Age, big pecs, a flat stomach and a big cock are not what make up a man, but in our world it seems that is all everyone cares about.
of course not! but what other can i do? i live in a town with a little more imbalance and toxicity in the gltbqa community. i can’t connect with men my age; i feel a little awkward going after younger men. i’m at my wits end here as far as the relationship thing is concerned.
My comment was deleted….I think because the truth hurts…here it is again
Gay men are whores…that is why they don’t commit…
not until loneliness sets in around 40’s and 50’s. then they scramble to find the “one”
NOBODY wants to be alone!!!!!!
I am single. I am NOT single by choice.
This is not to say that I am single by default. However, there several factors stacked against me such that entry to the Elysian Field of gay relationships is hindered. Let me explain my experience:
1) I am Black in America
Although you may not identify as an individual with racial hangups when it comes to hooking up, seeking a partner or choice of friends, the truth of the matter is that the vast majority of out gay men have racial hangups- mostly towards black men. This includes some gay black men themselves. There is a reason for the hangups. Essentially, it stems from social messages of attractiveness and/or what a gay relationships should look like. At the top of this webpage is the photo of a shirtless white man. The advertisements on the right panel for penis size enhancements are showing images of white dick, and the cartoon porn ad illustrates a three way between 3 white men. Most times when there are advertisements of black men in the ads or porn we watch the illustrations are of a black man being a ‘bruthuh’, having rough/dangerous sex with ‘whitey’, or any other negative stereotype Americans tend to have about black men in general including infidelity. I could go on further, but I think you get the point.
2) Gay men are picky
Yup, that’s right, I said it. Even though you may not have racial hangups, you sure do have hangups with other characteristics of a prospective partner. The Elysian Field of gay relationships is full of gym bunnies, Adonis, HIV-negative health nuts and men with a great direction in their lives. I am not an Adonis nor am I a gym rabbit. I have a 31 inch waist but lack six pack abs. I am a long distance runner so I’m kind of skinny. I am HIV-negative and I am POZ-phobic (I’m calling myself out here, I am not the only one). I dress well but I don’t wear an Armani suit to work…ever. I’m a professor but I don’t make 6 figures. Gay men have a long list of deal breakers and have a terrible record (as a collective) of insulting others to ensure other men are aware of their social stock (overtly and covertly). This data is quantitatively available via okcupid.com.
3) What constitutes a relationship is a gray area
Supposedly, the terms of relationships are laid out between the individuals involved. Relationships usually end because the terms are broken. Similar to the US Constitution, the terms of said relationships are a living document. However, any amendment to the terms of a relationship can be messy, require excessive amounts of time and are overall questionable as to whether amending anything is worth it in the first place. My analogy with respect to the US legislative system is spot on. In the Elysian field of any relationship, everything is perfect. Anything less than perfect- especially amongst the picky gays- is completely unacceptable.
yeah, yeah. Some of you in multiple-decade long relationships may argue that the imperfections of the terms your relationship are what bring you ‘closer’ or some bullshit like that. If that’s you a) fuckin’ good for you and b) why are you reading this?
4) I live in a small town
This is self explanatory. 99% of the town identifies as straight. However, I must say that when I was living in Pasadena and Palo Alto (LA and SF) there were single gay men everywhere with plenty of choices. This brings me back the bullet points 1 and 2.
In closing, I’ve come to accept my rejection letter to joining the elite Elysian Field of gay relationships in stride. I do believe I’m missing out on something, but I don’t know what that is. Is this notion too bad? Hell if I know. However, it is my reality and I’ve come accept it.
Good question, Dave
I’ve been single for 10 years. I think I’ve always been kind of independent so there’s never been a real need for me to be in a relationship. My relationships tend to last longer because (1) it takes forever for me to even want to be in one and (2) if I am in a relationship it’s because I WANT to be there, so I’m going to work on it and do whatever I can do to make it last. A lot of guys get into relationships because that first hook up was so good, or some ridiculous comparison like “we both like hiking, oh my god we should totally date!” and they never really take any time to figure out if they even have compatible chemistry with one another.
I was in love, so I’ve been able to experience that and it was great. And the heartache of being out of love was terrible. But that has never provoked me to just spend all my time looking for a boyfriend. I’m at a place now in my life where I know what I want, I have a direction I’m going in and I’d be really happy if someone else had a parallel sort of life; something that both of our lives would work well together with.
In the meantime, I like making friends and just enjoying the wealth of wisdom and experience from everyone I meet. There are definitely people I’m attracted to that I’m curious about, but with most gay guys these days…if you don’t fuck them on the first date (if they even ask you for a date) then they just move on to the next guy who will. That doesn’t seem appealing to me in terms of turning that into a relationship.
I’d rather just get a hamburger and be on my merry.
Im single by choice, it just seems guys are very immature when it comes to be in a relationship (well at least all the guys I’ve been with). My last relationship went horrible because this guy thought he could control everything I do. Keep in mind that was about 8 years ago and til this day he constantly wants me back.
Simply put. No, not single by choice. The guys who I like do not like me in that way; and the guys who like me aren’t usually my type. I’ve settled, which probably got me here in the first place. 3 or 4 years since last full time relationship.
I enjoy being single mainly because I don’t have to answer to anyone but myself. I have had boyfriends and partners but being friends works out better.
Given that committed relationships gay and straight have a shockingly high failure rate, it would follow that men especially should strongly consider being single. Men continue to get raped financially in divorce cout and now that two men can marry, divorce now brings the potential for financial collapse to gay men.
I am single because, according to the psychology of the mind, I don’t love myself. And how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself first? I am attractive and kind and a good person. But I am also very self-conscious and unsure and hypersensitive because of some of the teasing I received as a child who didn’t conform to the norms of that society which dictated that a “normal” boy should behave in a particular way. In the bigger picture, the teasing wouldn’t be considered all that bad by many people. But I was at the receiving end of it and it hit the very depths of my still growing soul and sense of self. These experiences, combined with my particular genetic makeup and brain chemistry, are what made me a very sensitive gay adult man. I’ve had one very satisfying relationship in my twenties, and a couple others shorter ones, but I have been single now for the last 4 years. Since then I’ve had other life experiences that have broken me down a lot and it seems to get harder as I get older (in my late thirties right now). I wake up sometimes during the wee hours of the morning with a horrible sense of dread and fear. Not sure what it is that I am afraid of. But one thing is sure – I see myself as a permanently damaged piece of goods. As in something is very wrong with the core of my being. That’s probably what I am afraid of. I don’t know how to rectify that. Therapy, albeit a brief one, hasn’t helped. Yet. They say it’s all about how you interpret the things that happen in your life. I am too sensitive and I tend to take very small daily things personally, it seems. To avoid doing that I have to train my mind and change the neural networks that had been reinforced since I was a child. And that’s a big task.
I just broke up with my heart, my love, my everything. 2 1/2 years I spent with him I loved him to death. We where both unhappy going to the end of the relationship so I made the decision to end it , but I feel it was what we both wanted . But it’s killing me not being able to call him , see him , touch him. Have that cuddle time .. I want to move on but I can’t !! I really loved him plus he was my 1st boyfriend I’m in my 20’s and I don’t know if I’ll ever love again !!
I have been single for just about 11 yrs now. My last relationship was 14 yrs. Last 8 were just co-habitating. I never knew what it is was like to “make it” on my own. I have now lived in 4 states and recently bought my very own home in Tampa.
I have learned that I am the Director of “MY movie”. I choose the Cast and my “Happily Ever After!”
I am single because, according to the psychology of the mind, I don’t love myself. And how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself first? Or so they tell you to ask yourself. I am no adonis but I can certainly say that I am attractive and kind and a good person. I’m not tooting my own horn here, but just saying for the benefit of those who believe that they are ugly/fat and unattractive that even guys who are easy on the eye have their demons. However, I am also very self-conscious and unsure and lacking in self-confidence and hypersensitive because of some of the teasing I received as a child who didn’t conform to the norms of that society which dictated that a “normal” boy should behave in a particular way. In the bigger picture, the teasing wouldn’t be considered all that bad by many people. But I was at the receiving end of it and it hit the very depths of my still growing soul and sense of self. These experiences, combined with my particular genetic makeup and brain chemistry, are what made me a very sensitive gay adult man. What’s worse is the current gay culture that epitomizes traditional masculinity and ruggedness and stigmatizes femininity and sensitivity. I would say I am somewhere in the middle in terms of masculinity, and have encountered gay guys with internalized homophobia who would make fun of some of the things I say or do because they aren’t “manly” enough. It is no different from the behavior of some homophobic straight men I encountered as a child. I’ve had one very satisfying relationship in my twenties, and a couple others shorter ones, but I have been single now for the last 4 years. Since then I’ve had other life experiences (work related) that have broken me down a lot and it seems to get harder as I get older (in my late thirties right now). I wake up sometimes during the wee hours of the morning with a horrible sense of dread and fear. Not sure what it is that I am afraid of. But one thing is sure – I see myself as a permanently damaged piece of goods. As in something is very wrong with the core of my being. That’s probably what I am afraid of. I don’t know how to rectify that. Therapy, albeit a brief one, hasn’t helped. Yet. Sigh.
Single by choice I live in Las Vegas and everyone out here are users or think the I better then every else
Single by choice, because I refuse to settle. The pickings are VERY slim in the area that I reside, and long distance is out of the question.
I have been single by choice since 1995, I love the single life because I come home when I want, go where I want and when I come home, I know things are where they are suppose to be. There are times when I think about getting into the dating world but I talk myself out of it. Besides, if I do end up staying single, so what….I am loving my nudist bear life!!
I was pretty messed up after the last relationship. its been about 4 years but still get nervous/scared about giving so much of your personal self. id prefer just really “close” friends
Single by choice….. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship many years ago that ended badly for me. I lost my ability to trust and believe in myself (and others) at the time. Work became a priority for me and as I get older, I realized that I don’t have to have somebody in my life as a partner to be happy, but it would be nice to have a partner to share with. I do miss the cuddling and intimacy but as you get older (I’m 57 now) it’s not as important as you once thought it was. I tend to like younger guys (and at my age, who isn’t younger? LOL), but find that so many of them are still game players no matter what their age. Maybe a FWB would be nice, but have gone so long without any, it’s not a big deal anymore. Besides isn’t that where porn is so much better?
I’m single, I would say more by choice than happenstance. Not to say that I’m against the idea, heck no; I’m a hopeful romantic at heart. But I am also aware of things in my life being more important than a guy. I am currently mostly done with a AA at the local Jr. College, with a focus on American Sign Language. My intent is to get my BA in ASL Interpreting. And to do such, I’m basically going to have to move in the not distant future. So really unless a guy is going to be cool with either moving to L.A. or D.C. (the two schools I see myself going to are either Cal. State North Ridge – CSUN in L.A. or Gallaudet in D.C.), I don’t really see anything happening. Also I live in a small town called Guerneville, and while it’s pretty gay and such, most of the guys here are one of three things, Married, Straightish or not interested in me (gay or not…). Now I don’t really mind the not so gay guys, they can be fun for the night, but I’m really more interested in my own Husband, not borrowing someone’s. More of a joke, honestly I’m not interested in being the “other” man, but again I’m not really looking for someone right now. Basically, I have to much going on right now to worry about a boyfriend. But if the right guy where to say fall out of the sky and hit my on the back of the head, sure why not. But I don’t really see that happening, and heck I’m having a pretty darn good time being single right now. I’m happy with who I am becoming, in many ways I think I’m pretty much the in the best space of my life at 42, who cares if I’m single. I can worry about that later, right now I’m just focused on school and growing as a person.
Well I’m single till my better half finds me. I’m really not that easy to put up with so it takes a very strong lover to hold one like me.
At this time I would like to say welcome to Dianna Ross to this valley.
I have this idea of how I want my life to be. It doesn’t necessarily mean thay this is how I expect things the turn out but I have always thought my life would be different than it has turned out. I do have to admit that I enjoy the life that I have created for myself. I am technically still in my twenties but I have come to the realization I am the only person that can make me happy so in the end I have come to be happy that I am single and will remain single until I know that I will be happy in the end and I don’t expect anything less. For many this may sound ridiculous but I’m a helpless romantic and if I die single then I know I was true to myself.
I am single by choice. Just not mine.
Wow, after reading so many of the replies to this question, I think maybe i’m glad I’ve been single for the last 7 years, not by choice, but maybe it was just as well. Half of you guys have set standards so high that you yourself don’t meet and the other half are so insecure and/or so afraid of getting hurt that you’d rather not take a chance or if you do, you sabotage the relationship as a way out before you get hurt and then blame the other guy. Some of you are so desperate to be in a relationship just so you can be like everyone else and change your relationship status on Facebook and post updates and pics of you and whoever so everyone can see how happy you are with your new beau and all the wonderful things you 2 do together and how wonderful your life has become since meeting, only to then do a complete 180 and start posting these poor, pitiful, bitter-filled diatribes about being cheated on or lied to robbed or whatever so everyone can feel sorry for you and post pathetic “you’re better off without him” “you’re too good for him” and “he didn’t deserve you” comments which they don’t really mean, its just part of the game, so that when they do the same thing, you will return the gesture.
Guys, you spend so much time looking for the next best thing, but there will always be someone hotter, richer, taller, more hung etc…and so you will never find the best, EVER! STOP TRYING! Stop looking for a guy you can parade around like a prized racehorse or a super model, because there will always be some tragic bitter queen who will lie, cheat and steal their way to take what you have and in the end jealousy is a style that doesn’t look good on anyone but their you will be bitter and jealous party of two. Look for someone who makes you laugh and with whom you can laugh and smile and who wants to be with on your worst days, when you look the worst, feel the worst, behaved the worst, are going through the worst. Find someone who is interested in knowing whats in your mind and heart, not just whats in your pants, thats the guy who deserves you and your best. Thats the guy that you want to show everyone your with because while half the guys there are busy checking out one or the two of you wondering how you got each other and whats so special about you two to be with other, and the other half are looking at the guy they are with paying attention to the 2 of you, the guy you are with only has eyes for you and that’s what it’s all about. Not some sycophant who wants you to pay for everything before he’ll give you the time of day let alone go on a date, not the guy who spends more time checking out the rest of the field than making eye-contact with you and listening to and hearing and responding to what you have to say, those guys are chumps and a dime a dozen and are the ones who are so tired and tragic they never took the time to discover what love is, they never allowed themselves to be vulnerable and let someone not hurt them, they always did the hurting, the heartbreaking and in return, they never grew a heart. Who wants that kind of existence? Not I. I’ve been single since 2006 and up until now, i thought it was not my choice. The guys i found attractive and just wanted to get to know better, not jump into a “happily ever after” LTR, and couldn’t be bothered because apparently i wasn’t gods gift. Well, they are still single hiding behind the “I haven’t found Mr. Right” yet, however, its pretty clear Mr. Right Now arrives several times a day. I’m sorry, but if you’ll fuck guys you wouldn’t date, thats pretty sad. I can say fortunately, that I’ve never woken up next to a guy that i’d be embarrassed to tell my friends or my mother about and I’d have been interested and willing to date every guy i’ve ever slept with and I’d have gone to bed with every single guy I dated, unless during the dating process they turned out to be utter douchebags, In the end, just be nice to each other. It’s bad enough we have to worry about zealot religious extremist from different faiths from our own country and around the world and right wing conservative extremists here at home along with ignorance, bigotry and discrimination on almost a daily basis from outside the gay community, the last thing we need is to be hateful, judgmental, destructive and devicive amongst ourselves. I grew up most of my life playing sports and one of the main principles of building a team was that we were only as strong as our weakest player. It didn’t matter if the best player on the team was better than everyone else in the sport, he is one person and no one the team is better. But if our worst player is better than half the players on every other team, than everyone on the team is better than at least half of the rest of every team so it was every member of the teams responsibility to build and help and be constructive to every other player on the team because no one knew what or where everyone else’s weakest link was. Imagine the power and respect and admiration we would command as a demographic, as a community if the worst gay guy was better than the average, everyday straight guy or gal! And guys, one last thing, when another guy is kind, friendly or nice to you, don’t ruin it by creating some ridiculous sexual fantasy in your head and making the guy regret extending the courtesy or kindness, accept it graciously and pay it forward to the next guy. Ok, thats all I got!
and forgive the typo’s. This isn’t an english term paper or dissertation, it’s late and my mind was working faster than my fingers could type…
I’m single by choice. I go on a date or two but usually figure out soon on that I don’t feel it would work with this guy or that one. I believe in loving someone for who they are not for who I feel the should or could be. I am myself most of the time and want them to love me for me as well. So if the chemistry is not there then I steer toward friend.
I have not read any commend above, but here just my situation. I met my lover couple year ago and we decided to go for relation. We had many good time together and we also said we would love the other forever and even death which would not separate us, cause we believe in the life after death and I or he could follow the other to my/his home. HOwever, just couple week ago, he said that I was not the one he loved and spent his time for me. I was shock and felt none cause I didnot think I was in this situation when I didnot do anything wrong, like he said, just because I have loved him so much. I was single for 12 years after my first relation and after that long time I close my heart until he walked in; but seem the truth love, the relationship in gay life does not exist. Now I could not focus in my college and work; everyday I work without concentration and my studying also going down. I have had no idea about how he could change that fast. I am not single by choice, I want love, I also need someone who care for me and I do care for, someone I can smile every time we talk, and someone comes to me with their heart, not just full filled his horny dog then walk away like a stranger.
Seems like “open relationship” is the new single anyway…most gay men seem to be in one of these..whether or not their partner is aware of it.
single! by choice. men are such sluts/liars and can’t keep their dicks in their pants. i want one man to love and share life with, NOT men that cannot commit to a monogamous relationship. dreamer? perhaps, but will NOT settle for nothing less. therefore i will grow old as single. but i have something more important than a relationship, i have true friends that are there when needed. and NO not sexual!
I’m not single by choice, per se. I mean I choose to eat foods I like and not go to the gym or stuff like that so I’m fat and pretty much ugly. I mean I wouldn’t be against having a significant other in my life, but it would be new to me.
I don’t have any friends really. I’m friends / friendly to a few people, but no one ever calls my me to go out or do anything. (Mainly they just call me when their computer is broken)
So to go from leading a rather solitary life to one with a person in it on a regular/daily basis would be something very different. I honestly can’t even imagine it. I have no frame of reference, and when I see others who are in them, I really don’t understand what’s going on.
Not single by choice, just not lucky with men. Any 100% top, discreet, masculine men available here. My a4a screen name is Kui1973. Open to have a good chat.
I love to rim a squeky clean ass but hairy YUM YUM.. I rimed an ex pro figure man with a squeky clean ass and ut ws wonderful I will rim any ass and I do it well
I was always under the impression that most guys wanted to be able to legally marry and have a life partner. However, my (now ex) ended our 15 year relationship now six years ago. It almost killed me. I can so relate to Matt in that I am ok to have sex with but nothing else. One thing all this has taught me is that ‘nice guys’ truly do finish last. I am guilty of walking into bar(s) and primarily focusing on the ‘good looking’ guys in the bar. One thing that works for me is whenever am in a gay environment is to simply start up a conversation with just about anyone. It seems guys will notice you then. If I remain silent and just sit there (my opinion) I give off vibe that I am the easiest guy in the bar to pick up on. Seems most guys like to hear your voice and see you smile which in some odd way seems to convey confidence. Try this and see if helps.
I do not like being single but know it takes time to discover that ‘new guy’ out there. We all have our prejudices/preferences but I have found to forget all that and keep an open mind when meeting new people. At time of my breakup with ex, I thought would always be single and now my job was to simply ‘get used to it.’
I am older now but truly do feel am more alive if in a relationship. I had to come to realize that it is a fact of life that not all relationships last forever. And when it does end, usually one of the couple is left holding their heart in their hands wondering how to cope and deal with it all. Guess I am old school in that I believe you must first love yourself before expecting anyone to do so. I know this is all much easier said than done. I have convinced myself that I must ‘stop looking’ and let the (butterfly) men come to me if is ever going to happen.
I do commend everyone who writes about themselves on here. Reading your thoughts on here about this topic has been very therapeutic for me personally. It has been six years being single for me and I know the lucky man is out there somewhere. Hope ok to say this on here. If you want check out my profile on A4A. Can never have enough friends.
Wish I could hug all you guys on here. Jimmy