December : HIV Awareness Month

The month of December has been HIV/AIDS Awareness Month for the last decade with goals of the month being the promotion of testing and a focus on events that highlight the personal and social issues involved with HIV/AIDS. The month is kicked off with World AIDS Day (#wad2010) on December 1st.

First, it is important to know that the Human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) is the virus that causes acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS). Not everyone that has HIV has or will get AIDS. HIV can lead to AIDS which is a immune system disease that makes a person vulnerable to life-threatening opportunistic infections.

According to the CDC, as of 2006 there were an estimated 1,106,400 persons in the US living with HIV and about 56,300 Americans became infected. Gay and bisexual men account for 53% of new infections even though we are estimated to be only around 4% of the population.  Almost half of the new infections are in black men. Infection rates vary by location but, one in five men who have sex with men, in 21 major cities in the US, were infected with HIV and 44% of these men were unaware of their infection.

But the news is not all bad. There have been significant advances in research this year that give hope and several efforts are underway that show HIV may be preventable. Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) options are showing promise and research on Rectal Microbicides (in the form of a cream or gel) are well underway. There has also been research that implies that an undetectable viral load may make it difficult to pass on HIV to an HIV negative partner.

But do not be confused, HIV is still very real and someone in the US is infected every 9 ½ minutes and there is about a 53% chance it is a gay or bisexual man.

HIV is a real infection, but those who have been infected are real human beings. HIV-Positive men are no different then you or I. Unless you have practiced safer sex every time you have had oral, anal, or vaginal sex, you have most likely done nothing different then those that are HIV positive today.

HIV Awareness Month is a great time to get tested, recommit to sexual health and safer sex practices, and remember that those with HIV are not only dealing with complex issues regarding their health but they are often the victims of discrimination and stigma within our own community.

It is important to realize and behave from the realization that often, the only difference between an HIV positive man and an HIV negative man is as little as the ‘luck of the draw’. Gay men have enough discrimination to deal with without the additional burdens of HIV stigma, a burden that is often fueled by unjustified self-righteousness.


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  1. robert watlington


  2. Dave

    It is really sad (with all the advances in medication and HIV education) that HIV positive people are still very much discriminated against by potential partners. I am constantly rejected when I tell people of interest that I am positive, even though I am completely healthy and totally undetectable.

  3. BlkBuddha

    I see many brothers turn their backs on brothers like me because of my honesty in letting them know of my status. I say, be glad and fortunate for me because your next may not be so compassionate. So go ahead, diss me as you have done every other HIV+ positive person perhaps. But when you slip up and fall in pitful of passion and hurt yourself. Then the tables will turn. Don’t treat us like our touch could corrode you or something. Arm yourself with one of us. Knowledge is power.

  4. TeeLee70

    Hi Gays,it is HIV awareness month so all of you that have it ,you all need to let the people that you r haveing sex with it would be nice for u to let us no. Because we no that eveyone needs love but there is a lot of us that want to live!! So can we all just be safe and I LOVE YOU all and happy HOLIDAYS………..

  5. Dee

    Excellent article. Thanks for posting it. As a long time survivor living with HIV (25yrs), despite the gains we still have so much negative stigma and ignorance within our own gay community and society at large. It would be neat if short teachables such as this could be posted on the main page in an effort to make it more visible and hopefully more people will read it.

  6. Melbourne Thompson

    Thanks very much for the link and the information,I think it is great that the sire offers this information,regardless of whether people read it or not,it is import to remind gay men and men who have sex with me that the epidemic is not over and HIV transmission is still a very big concern.Point of note, the last week of November is AID awareness Week and World AIDS day is December 1st. This is in Canada. Once again thank you for the link and the information contained in the text.Sincerely

  7. Chuck

    I am pleased to see this health saving information on adam4adam! It is about time! Keep the hiv prevention message out there! Good job!

  8. jordan pink

    this thing we call HIV/AIDS is spreading so fast why don’t people think about the fact that its not the 50’s there is more out there now then there has ever been drugs drinking and carefree partying with groups and having large sex acts done on one person.. or several people the same night with out condoms gets risky all the time.. i wish that men and women alike could address this disease with hope of loving kindness and the wisdom of no escape.. we are sentient being in human garment to teach us things .. one of them is to stay healthy and or not we have been dealt cards that read read or white black or purple love and the endless fight to cure this pointless spreading and what seem to have been a never ending fight… i am with all my family around the world.. in saying if you are positive there is hope.. i am a friend with no judgment.. your life is beautiful just the way it with or without the hiv/aids virus and deiesese matter your circumstance even if its just me saying this to you through words on a computer.. we can beat this . u are not your illness its mearly a facet to your souls wisdom no matter what is the worst for you could be the best for me and vice versa.. everyone affected by this horrific thing.. witch is the global populous need to strive for unconditioned love and knowing the real facts behinds hiv/aids.. there are tons of reach outs.. to educate use them.. i have and will work on continuum my education as best i can to wiser myself up to this killer bug. may the light of divene wisdom and loving kindness show us the way away from these dark days.. enough said. may the stars find you and lift you to peace.

  9. Anthony

    While many of you rush out to get HIV testing done before the major holidays, I want to ask you to bring your partners with you. The man that cares about you physical well-being will be with you and test as well. For those of you who allow a man to tell you he is good and you take accept it as the gospel, don’t get mad if he hurts you. I was tricked this way and the sad thing is that I work in HIV. Everyone has a story. Find out who you are dealing with and use condoms. I know that the feeling can be irritating from time to time but the lasting affect of being HIV positive is not a good one. Please protect yourself, thereby protecting those who you love.

  10. Brent

    This is a very good article.. I am an HIV+ male, that contracted it sometime in my mid 20’s. I never knew I had it, or who I contracted it from. Luckily I had never gotten sick, or showed any symptoms, it was only through a routine check that I learned I had it. I was a little, well, a lot promiscuous at that age, and did not play safe, I was under the impression that being a top, and a large, strong man, that I had no worries. Well, as you can tell, I was wrong. But I have also been lucky with my medication. I am proud to say that I am extremely healthy, and will continue to be. So, as the article says, I’m just like any one else, and it does bother me that when I am upfront and tell potential partners that I am positive, a majority of the time I am looked upon as someone who has ruined their life, and potentially want to ruin someone else’s life. So, I encourage everyone to at least read up on the disease, and treat every one equally

  11. Dan

    You should emphasize your last paragraph dealing with HIV stigma. In fact, that should be the focus of your article. HIV stigma prevents people from testing or disclosing their true status which helps to spread the disease. Your article was too long and contained too much information that most people already know (I’m pretty sure most people know that HIV causes AIDS.) Focus on combating negative stigmas and stereotypes about HIV. If you were really serious, you would delete the HIV plus or minus option from profiles. A posted HIV neg status just gives people a false sense of security. And it doesn’t ensure that the poster is telling the truth or even knows his true status. You people need to educate yourselves.

  12. gay tv atlanta

    i would like very much to do a talk show on hiv awarness at my internet tv radio station in atlanta ga, if you want to be a guest on this radio show ( its live ) please e-mail me at/; [email protected] i want to do this in 3 weeks right after christmas or news year. thanks God bless

  13. Christopher/StonedSteps, Adam4Adam

    I completely agree with Dan (Dec 8, 16:57 hrs post):

    Asking one’s HIV status in a public forum only stigmatizes the poster and further polarizes the sites, the ‘negs vs. poz’s” which is totally counterproductive. The ONLY thing focused on is HIV, when new lethal strains of hepatitis (Check the CDC website for further information, so I don’t bore you into a coma) that are ALL lethal. Syphilis and gonorrhea are up 11,000% in San Diego county in 2010………Yet, the focus is STILL on HIV.

    The discussion of one’s HIV status should be kept between those who are potentially going to have sex with, and NOT in a public forum.

    And for a relatively “new disease” that’s only been identified since 1981, “AIDS awareness” seems pretty much abandoned, when the straight community has more knowledge of the intricacies of HIV, it’s a sad commentary on the gay community that there are such stupid gay men that won’t or don’t educate themselves……..

  14. Mark Monroe

    That’s why I love the fact of being apart of this HIV Vaccine Trial through NIH, Fred Hutchinson, and UW. Because without people doing the clinical trials its hard to find the cure or preventative.

  15. Louis

    Happy Holidays to everyone especially those living with HIV. My heart and prayers go out to you. I know what it is to be lonely and think that no one wants you because your positive. I been single for the past two years just thinking about how i got this infection and what i did to deserve it. Sometimes i wonder is their someone out there for me. More then have the people on a4a have negative on their page and then tell me they are positive. Lets be honest and tell people even if they turn their back on you. Someone is out there for you, just be patient. Sending lots of love to everyone living with this sad disease.

  16. Carl

    Yea i to agree with Dan, you should remove the HIV status option from the profile. it scares people and who knows who’s telling the truth. whats the point of having the option when you dont need to be tested to use the site.

  17. Frank Dalpan

    I’ve have lost many close friends to AIDs and its sad the test takes about 10 Min. quick and easy Just a finger stick and you know weather or not you have it. Please get tested and save a friend or a loved one the pain and hurt. Condoms are cheep and or free *** so use them *** they do work.

  18. Theodore

    Well this article doesn’t talk about all those gay men who glamorize HIV. We have a seemingly out of control portion of gay men who are insisting on unsafe sex, and mocking those who use condoms.

    What about those people who act like poster children for transmitting HIV and glamorizing it? They are a major voice in the gay community. What about all the bareback pornos that are being made with the stupid overacting and PIG PLAY this/PIG PLAY that? Those guys scare me. It is like they are purposely seeking HIV so they can continue to tattoo and pierce themselves everywhere, and have more bareback fucking.

  19. dsinla

    View the Award winning documentary “House of Numbers” to see why questions about this
    must be raised, and why deeper issues about HIV and AIDS need to be
    discussed. Lives are at risk. This is the first documentary ,with the worlds
    foremost authorities, that highlights the fundamental problems with HIV
    testing, science, and statistics, It sheds new light on a misunderstood
    phenomenon., for which there is still no cure. GO to to see the trailer.

  20. Ace

    Thank you for this Blog, better late than never I suppose! But none-the-less great points although I would have to agree that the stigmas and ‘luck of the draw’ issues should be discussed a little more in detail.

    I loved the comment “[HIVers]…are no different then you or I. Unless you have practiced safer sex every time you have had ORAL, ANAL, or VAGINAL SEX, you have most likely done NOTHING different then those that are HIV positive today…”

    Some not most people know the basics, but people would be suprised how little some know even though they may be well educated in the area. Ya learn A LOT more after it affects you on a personal level (including family and partnerships).

    All we can to to help prevent, is educate on all aspects of this HI Virus.

    Defeat the stigmas. And come together to help bring this virus down. Instead of putting ourselves and our own community down. WE ARE NOT DIRTY. WE ARE ALL DYING (POSITIVE OR NOT). WE LOVE JUST THE SAME. AND I CAN ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF ON THIS BUT IF ANYTHING IT MAKES US WANT TO LIVE AND ENJOY LIFE AS BEST AS WE CAN WITH THE PEOPLE WE HAVE WITH US NOW.

    Believe me, I didn’t ask for this; and I’m so happy to have family and friends who support me though it all.

    Speak up & Speak out. Make it a monthly or tri-monthly routine to get tested, bring a friend or 2 or 5!

    Take care folks! Stay Strong and Stay Safe!

    Anyone ever need to talk don’t hesitate to send me an email. [email protected] (This is NOT a pick up spot).

  21. jharela

    hey thank to all for the opinon and i very happy for been POSITIVE this year i have a lot of hope with the medicine and the place who asist to me , hope all of you have a great chrismas

  22. Alan

    First let me admit that I am a man who is living with HIV for 3 years now. Most people who have contracted HIV are on meds, however, I am not. I am following the advice of my doctor whom I trust implicitly.

    The medical community has tured HIV into another cash cow. I say this because almost every person I have met that has HIV, was immediately placed on meds and unfortunately, they will be on meds for the remainder of their lives.

    People who are living with HIV need to stand up and demand that the medical communinity end this practice. It is unfair to the patient. Doctors dont immediately begin treatment on cancer patients without a thorough evaluation of the individual’s condition.

    When I was diagnosed with HIV, I had another condition that need to be treated before the doctor could evalute my HIV properly. Thank God she treated that first. If she hadn’t, I probably would be on meds as I type. My viral load and CD4 numbers changed so drastically over three months that it’s likely I wont be on meds for a very long time.

    There are certain perameters that should be met before patients begin meds. The medical community has published standards and doctors are violating standard practices to make drug companies more profitable and to drain the insurance companies. Essentially they are selling out the patients for kickbacks. Patients are most likely taking drugs for YEARS with absolutely no medical benefit to them.

    Please, let’s make the effort to make this change.

  23. Rob

    Its nice to see this post. I recently tested positive in October of 2010..this year. I was infected by someone I knew and cared for. It was a shock. There is still so much bias and discrimination…even from within our own community of fellow gay brothers and sisters. I do feel very alone and isolated at times. I feel like the outcast. And that once I tell someone Im interested in that I’m positive theyre gonna run for the hills. I feel like all I hoped for and long for is further out of reach than ever. I feel alone….

  24. Christopher H.

    Been poz since ’91. Keeping it real and those of you are are poz should also. Being responsible and truthful about this keeps me with a clear conscious. Stay on your meds and see your doctor regularly to keep this thing at bey. Much love to all and keep the faith.

  25. Ray S

    I would like to start off by saying that my heart goes out too all the people that are living with hiv or aids, as I am one that is going threw the same thing as well. I am a 26 year old man that was infected at age 24 by someone i loved and cared for he lied to me about his status to me. When I found out about my status I confronted him and he lied to my face so I left I just feel along e no o e wants me for who I am first thing people wanna know is my status not about my job, education, family, and what I like to do for fun. To this day I feel alone are there any good guys out there still. If so i would loved to become pin pals or just friends.

  26. SA,TX-78221

    Love all the people that are living with it. Wish others would just open their eyes and see us as who we are not what we are living with. I am a 26 year old man and have been poz for 2 years now. I have not to this day found a Guy that can over look what I have and take me for what i have done so far in my life. Education, family, work dont people look at those kind of things anymore. I would love to find a great guy out there to become friends with or start something new with. I feel like I was robbed from love. The Guy that gave it to me was someone I loved for 5years and didnt sleep with him almost a year after being together. Now no one wants to love me. So if any men out there wanna become friends and see where that leads to let me know.

  27. Tyler Anthony

    I’m so HAPPY to see this put up. There needs to be more stuff like this and less of the porn. Because in all the need to get sex people are putting themselves in danger when there is no reason. There needs to be balance. Thanks for posting this and I hope there are more HIV and other STD awareness posts on

  28. Zack Hames

    AMAZING!!! AMAZING!!! AMAZING!!! I just recently opened a care center in my home town and to see something like this posted up is such an amazing thing to see HIV/AIDS is always in our heads but it seems to be put on the back burner… I love to see A4A put this up and remind us to always use safe methods of what ever you may be doing!!! December is a month dedicated to the remembrance of friends family and loved ones we have lost to this horrible disease and those that we may potentially loose I have to give props for this blog!!!

    Love Always,


  29. alexander

    hey i can believe how manny liers exist in this world they know they r hiv + and they just have protected sex but that dosnt mean nothing will happen….just b honest with urself and then with everybody else cuz u r not doing nothing wrong having sex what u r doing wrong is not telling that people u having sex with is that u r hiv+ ….. come on we r a family lgbt everybody get together and fight against aids

  30. smooth C

    Good Evening ! I would like to say that my brother passed away in 94’of the virus (AIDS). It really hurt me to my heart to think about the way my brother was treated by his own dad. When my brother passed away my dad was not allow to speak at the funeral at all. I am positive, myself and I have to deal with a lot of stupidity until this day. I will really wish the medicine that they have today, was back their when my brother was dealing with the virus then, he would probably still be here til’ this day. I am glad that we are having this discussion today.. Please be careful, because you don’t want to have to deal with the dumb shit…. thanks,

    WRAP IT UP…..

  31. MAIR

    Its hard enough when one finds out that they are HIV+, even harder is the discrimination and the disgust that one faces from old friends and family when they are let known of your status. Lucky for me, i have had a great deal of support from friends and family and i have also met some great people on A4A.
    Get tested, know your status, and share your status with sexual partners.

    HIV+ people are the first defense against the spread of this terrible virus

  32. tim

    the guys that have hiv should be honest and say they have it.i was with a guy for a year and found out by his ex bf that he was hiv neeed to tell ur partner from the get go that you have it


    I made a promise to myself that i would not be hiv+ that was twenty years ago and i am still negative i’m glad that a4a is bringing awareness i got tested on december first world aids day here in harlem and the counselor informed me that 52% of harlem is hiv+ thats very shocking and i find it very hard to date becuase the virus is prevalent in my community positive hiv people should be more understanding of negative people feelings its our choice .

  34. Johnny6751

    Oh wow, I’m not going to critize anyone but, dont come to tell me SORRY SORRY SORRY…..People wake up, yo like to stick in “please just for a little bit please it will feel good””ok ok just a bit”…and then there you go YOU HAVE BECOME HIV+….You know what, really pisses me off the fact that people specialy gay people are so dirty and dont give a fuck about it, and then when I see all this blogs really make me fell frustrated with the fact that one cares about, I mean, GET A BOYFRIEND, BE SAFE, WEAR FUCKING CONDOMS…..It is a reality gay people have more risk to be infected with the virus…SO DO CRY LATER ON, JUST WEAR A DAMNN CONDOM, it doesnt matter hot cute/hot the guy is, dont make the mistake that will change your whole life. I’m happy to know I’m hiv- and eventhough I dont have an active sexual life, I still like to advise people about being safe when having sex. PEACE OUT EVERYONE!

  35. John

    I am a man 62 years old and have had many of my close friends die from AIDS. It has been an eye opener for me to read the profiles of many young men who indicate they are positive. I am aware of the strides made in medical circles to identify treatments for those infected with the HIV virus. I guess what surprises me is that the educational programs about the transmission of sexually diseases appear to have been unheeded by many younger than myself. Ah, the invincibility of youth! For someone my age, who watched his friends suffer with this insidious disease, this realization is upsetting.

    I had a boyfriend who was HIV positive. We adjusted how we expressed our affection for one another based on his status. He, too, had experienced rejection by his friends when he informed them of his status. He was surprised when my reaction was not stereotypical.

    Thank you for providing this outlet for my thoughts. The methods of approaching HIV in the third millennium is vastly different from the dark ages when I was growing up. While the medical community has made strides in treating this disease, HIV remains an ever-present health threat to everyone who engages in unprotected sexual activity.

  36. Gerrit

    So many on this site are full of it… being over 35 or HIV+ is to many the same thing…there was a time that I had my status posted and NO (or very few) responded.
    In real life many turn their back to you once they know you are positive. In many cases they themselves are positive but don’t want anybody to know because they are afraid to be stigmatized yet they do it.
    The gay community needs to grow up.
    There is so much more to life besides sex and looks.

  37. JJ

    I have been hiv+ for over 20 years, and I feel like I have leprosy when meeting people, I am rejected 99% of the time.
    Hiv is an easy disease NOT to catch, you should assume everyone is hiv+, dont believe anyone, always have safe sex no matter how well you think you know someone.
    Dont automatically reject someone who says they are hiv+ at least they are honest, play safe and you have nothing more to worry about than you would with anyone else.
    Having hiv status in the profiles is a huge mistake, gives a false sense of security because people do lie, especially when they are desparate for sex.

  38. scott

    I am glad that someone is finally paying attention to the discrimination that is on this site.. i can’t believe we are discriminated by our own people.. words hurt and guys on here don’t seem to care.. the UB2’s and the word clean, does that mean if you are POZ you are Dirty?? And putting the date that you tested negative are you guys really that nieve… if you had sex the next day that date doesnt count, and i love the guys that change the date every week…lol.. like you really get tested every week… i agree take the status out of profile.. be smart guys treat everyone as if they are poz and protect yourself and keep your mouths shut, if you think you are on a sex site and havent slept with someone poz your kidding yourself.. i am poz and have been for 18 yrs and you would never know unless i told you .. and i do tell.. i got used to people running away.. but i feel better about myself that i am honest

  39. TheGoodBadandUgly

    Positive since 1986. I know when and who. It was not until I stopped blaming the other guy and assumed the responsibility for not protecting myself, stopped using it as an excuse for not furthering my education, working hard, setting personal goals and wasting several years waiting to die that I began to live with HIV. T-cells above 900, undetectable viral load, 24 years positive and grateful for every day……

  40. Scott

    Dont discriminate against someone who has HIV. They are people who breathe the same air, eat and walk just like other people. Please take the time out to get to know someone prior to you automatically writing them off because of their status. Remember, it only takes one time, and after my own personal sexual encounters,we all have been at risk. And it amazes me that alot of gay men complain about not finding “the one”, yet they are looking for a custom made man. Their lies the problem. Open your eyes, hearts and minds to what is going on, the people who are affected by HIV and what you can do to ensure that it doesnt happen to yourself and others.

  41. skip

    would be nice if the test was actually affordable for everyone went to several “free test locations” and was told test cost 100 to 300 hundred dollars

  42. Robert

    I just want to say I am a 30 yo negative male and my ex lover is poz, I loved him with all my heart but under certain circumstances it became too much and he up and moved away from. I have a handful of friends who just came out to me about being poz and it hasnt changed how I feel about them, anyone looking for friendship who may be in that state of mind that noone will love me and can’t overlook my condition give me a shout because I feel where your coming from and feel your pain, thanks guys

  43. latinpoz

    thank you for the blog and the info i think is a good idea to have this blog at a4a and let the people to know that we are the same even thou we are positive i was just diagnosed last year and i feel that i am doing the best to keep ahead with my life even that i don’t have someone with me…i wish i could find one to share my life with and i just look up God to help me to keep going!

  44. Juan

    This goes for those who answered in their hiv status, and say “don’t know”. Don’t be a pussy and test yourself. Furthermore, please don’t lie. If you know you are positive do not take more sisters with you to the darkness. Don’t be selfish, just because you are down does not mean somebody has to go with you. Besides, The person you are today is from the choices you made in the past. Our society do not like us because we are homos, they don’t like us because we are weak and careless. Just like you I am learning in the hard way.

  45. Brent

    Hi all!! Happy Holidays:))) all im here to say is protect yourselves. if its too late, take steps to protect others!!! cannot stress this enough. If you are unsure about a person, ask the question IT SHOULD NOT HURT their feelings, even if it does, at least you are protecting them. during this month, help out the infected ppl. with hiv. they really need the love and support if anything. Happy Holidays once again :))) i love you guys 🙂

  46. George

    I have living with HIV for three years and I agree with many of the comments posted. We need to educate our own community and educate the community that it is more risky to have a sexual encounter with someone who has no clue about their status verses an individual who is fully aware, has been on meds and treatment and is undetectable. There is still alot of ignorance out there and the stigma runs rampant. In reference to dating other positive +, I welcome and embrace the idea. Our + status population also needs to stick together and support each other…

  47. Kevin

    Peace and Love to all those affect and those that can affect change. No matter what walk of life we live to thrive. I will never quit in helping those that find themselves with a journey such as this. You never know where the support can come from :o) Rock on with love not ignorance!!

  48. robert

    Very a health care student and i can honestly say i learned something after reading this article..its an article a many black men should read

  49. Walter jaeckle

    this is a message to all the discriminating “possibly” negative gay and straight boys out there. don’t you think you are better off playing with someone who’s virally enhanced, open about it, healthy, treated, most likely undetectable, plays safe then someone who swears to you they are negative?? think about it. denial is the killer babys not the virus!

  50. Matthew Brunn

    Isn’t it interesting websites always ask for one’s HIV status and yet I never see anything regarding one’s Hepatitis status. As a man living with HIV, personally, I am more afraid of Hep C.

  51. Ian

    I have been poz for 12yrs. Discrimination still hurts. 🙁 I don’t condone it, but I can see how that discrimination has pushed many into secrecy.
    🙁 Fear breeds more fear which then breeds uneducation. Uneducation breeds ignorance and then we have people afraid to even get tested. The cycle of 53%.

  52. Joe

    Stigma is a real thing. I made a concious decision a few years back to make every effort not to pass HIV on after i became positive. oddly enough, the choice to abstain from sex drew even more speculation and now I am dealing with the rumors at work. This is such a hinderance. I am begining to question whether or not I should care at all…

  53. brian kennedy

    that was a nice little pice of info i get looked at ugly all the time for haveing hiv snd at 1st i looked at my self ugly too but now i dont im a good person i have had hiv for 7 years got it from my 1st love and liveing with it has its ups and downs but theres a lot of people in the world that dont know about it and i was one of them tell i got it at the age of 17 i am now 24 and on meds they are doing great things with the meds and it inproves all the time so mabe a cure one day who knows it did take a long time for me to be put on meds i thank about 6 years and there not that bad i guess its just part of like now but i like that there is a awarenees month to hekp people under stand we are people i dont want people to run away when i tell them anywas i will stop but thank yall for this brian kennedy

  54. Charles M

    Just have to say that being newly diagnosed positive I have felt all the love and support from other positive guys and even some negative guys too. To all those who are nasty about men with hiv I truly hope they exercise kindness and compassion when corresponding with other men on A4A……

  55. Marquis du Maison

    Nice article for the blog. I do agree that it should be longer in some regards.

    Tyler Anthony, to help shed some light, dating is about attraction. That necessarily doesn’t change along with the status change. People like who they like, regardless of status. However, some people do actively serosort, but that is their prerogative. Now, If your question was in comment to everyone saying they are being rejected left, right, and sideways, i’ll posit an analogy. Finding and dating other positive men would be on par with a blind person trying to find a deaf person in a mall. Like many have said, stigmatization has caused many to hide, lie about, and deny their status. So it makes it that much harder to find another positive man that you can be attracted to, because many of them are still going to the “negative pride” luncheons even though they aren’t or have no idea if they are negative. I too agree that a4a (and many other “dating” sites) should either ask you about your full sexual health or leave those questions alone, because it furthers the stigmatization and the lies. You’ll never know the health of a hookup, even if they show you paperwork. Unless you know all the times they have sex and all the times they get tested (let me state that this is no longer a hook-up type scenario)then you need to protect YOURSELF (be a little selfish. it’s a good thing). To go back to my analogy (and this is for my positive kinfolk out there), while the blind person may not so easily find the deaf person (how pc am i today?), if he advertises his situation, he’ll eventually be found. If you’re honest about who you are in the face of “douchebaggery”, you’ll eventually be approached. Then you’ll need to see if you’re attracted to them (because positive people still have that choice). The question is, would you want to date someone who lied to others about their status… on a website?

  56. Arnold

    I would date someone who’s HIV+/AIDS providing he’s taking responsibility to himself and towards others. I understand is something one has to deal with, mostly alone, but if the attitude is positive, then can still have the chance to enjoy life along with others, taking preventing/safe precautions. This can lead to a serious dating and forthcoming life togetherness. The key word at this point is, to me,: RESPONSIBILITY.

  57. Manuel Garay

    to all the guys out there with hiv…. dont be afraid of what is going on just take care of yourself and be up to date with your stats…. dont miss a day of your medications and be safe…. stay strong and live life to the fullest…. i have and im happy who i am and what i have. i see it as something good bcuz you appreciate life more and the ppl that are around you….

  58. Brian Carter

    After 5 years of researching all there is about this deadly virus and talking to people, I’ve found that between 30% to 50% of gay men who’ve tested positive, exit the systematic indoctrination into clinical care and do far better health wise then those that listen to infectious disease specialists. Does anybody else find this to be true?

  59. Omar Asencio

    A couple of months ago I went thru the worse moment of my life, my boyfriend who I really loved with all my heart was diagnosed with HIV. According to the doctors he was in the last stage of this horrible illness and being that I never used protection with him the possibilities of me having HIV was there. At this point I don’t know if he knew about it and I never will but I do know that I will never forget his betrayal. How could you hurt somebody that’s been good to you, how could you lied saying that you loved somebody and yet you are capable of hurting them. After 6 months of horrifying days and nights waiting to get tested again I finally went down to the doctor. After two hours of nonstop able tears the doctor finally came out, he starting telling me stories about people that has HIV and how they could live a normal life without having any problems. Tears started coming out of my eyes again, my heart stared bumping real hard ** I was ready to run away ** I knew the answered already but then he hold my hand and he said ” There is nothing to worry about kid – YOU ARE CLEAN” – ” From now on you need to take care of yourself – This is a miracle baby and you need to be really thankful to god” I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t believe that was happening to me. Thank You God, Thank You for giving another chance!

  60. Second

    I disagree with eliminating the positive / negative status from profiles on A4A.

    I think there is a major difference from discriminating against people with HIV and being able to choose whom you have sex with. I don’t discriminate against HIV+ people. I will hug them, make friends with them, work along side with them, would have them as a roommate, etc. But I should have a right to know if someone is positive when prior to having sex with them.

    I am also aware that if someone clicks “negative” that doesn’t necessarily mean that person is actually negative. You still need to treat all people you have sex with that they are potentially positive regardless of what they say, or answer on a website.

    I rarely have sex. But when I do, I deliberately look for people who answer BOTH that they are negative and practice safe sex if using A4A. It seems less than a fourth of the people on A4A will answer no to both questions.

    People with HIV need to still be treated as human beings. It’s also important to remember some people contract HIV even when practicing safe sex or get it in other ways. It’s unfortunate that HIV is still spreading around and is not curable. But I don’t think it’s right to take away identifiers on websites that are used by people to help increase safety and awareness. We should have a right to have as much information as possible and be allowed to make our own decisions based on that information.

  61. FNFCK

    To be honest, im 22, been + for over a year, undectable for just as long. living a healthy life. ppl just need to take hiv a little more seriously but not think its the end of the world. im sure alot of us out there can attest that it really isnt, we still live normal healthy lives. We just take one or more pills a day. Everyone thats living with it and educating ppl about it, thanks.

  62. Fernando

    I am very happy that adam4adam is the only hookup site that encourages some sort of channel to start talking about hiv right at profile. I am negative always play safe and assume all are pos, however if i was pos i would disclose to avoid other from getting hurt. I just keep hoping that i wont be a statistic like some of my friends are. Keep playing safe and we can all play longer!!

  63. Mitch

    I am a 44 year old guy that lives in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I used to own a bar in downtown Chattanooga. I will have to give Adam4Adam for giving us this forum to express ourselves. When I started the club I had about a total of fifteen employees. One of which was my best friends, that could have ever asked for. I will guarntee that there aren’t but about 2 or 3 people still living now. It was terrible to have to sit and watch all the people that you care about slowly wither and pass away. Thank God I am still negative. But alot of my friends now are positive. And I am SCREAMING “when will they find a cure”. I just don’t understand why people are still afraid to tell some one that they are going to have sex with that they are positive. I go online every once in awhile, and it just shocks me to see that there are people hell bent on spreading HIV. When they could just tell me and we could take the proper precautions to ensure safety. That is really my only complaint. So come on Men know that everyone in the world isn’t as closed minded as you may think they are. At least be up front, and come clean about yourselves so that we can irradicate this horrible disease. After all the most power that we can give HIV is intollerence, and uneducation. So come on guy’s let’s educate ourselves with as much knowledge as we can get about this. And maybe we can one day stop this from happening to any one else..


  64. Brian

    Once I found out my status, one of the first things I did was changed all my online profiles to reflect this change. There is NO excuse to not know your status! People with “I don’t know” in their status box, drives me crazy. KNOW YOUR STATUS! For your health and the safety and health of others.

  65. henry

    I sometimes disclose my HIV status because I find out what type of a person I am befriending.I say no to the judgmental,the phobes,those who discriminate.I thank God I only have HIV,there is Hep B,warts,HPV,all out there.this is why I protect myself by the use of safe sex practices.

  66. just_wanna_share

    Hey everybody! Im negative,so far,but i really wanted to help it be observed that not all of us are AFRAID of a positive person. Too often times, the carrier feels they’re discriminated against b/c the carrier is STILL thinkin solely of himself. Im sorry but its true,guys. Instead of being so sure ur being ‘dumped’ on,,how about the unnecessary risk the ngative person has to take to be intimate with one that is positive. CONDOMS BREAK! Not only that,,personally, I dont want to commit to someone that is positive b/c:: I dont want to voulenteer for love with someone that i have to watch dissapate. That’s HELL on the poor fellow you leave behind,,if he loves you. So,,why does it have to automatically be a BAD thing, if someone doesnt feel comfortable when it comes to sex with you? Why are some of you CHOOSING to focus solely on YOU,,,and not considering the other person at all?? RESPECTFULLY,,,if you could avoid the origin of your contraction,,,YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME THING. It shows character when ur honest about ur status. It saves someone ELSE’S life. I swear I love you ALL…..just hate to see so many come down on us,,just because we would like NOT to contract.

  67. just_wanna_share

    Not only that…….my GOD,,,,,look how many of you advertise 3somes/group sex before you can even say “hello”. Really,,,,,,how many can you do at ONCE?!!! How many holes does ONE guy have. One man isnt enough,no matter how big he is, or how great he looks. You’re telling the more intelligent ones of us(at the very top of ur profile that you CANT be faithful..u WANT a VARIETY of choices, & that ONE guy just won’t cut it.U need a freakin’ GROUP!

    Be sure,,none of us are doing anything for the first time. Most guys,,who are ok with GROUP SEX/3SOMES……have done this before! This means diseases are being transmitted DURING these sex parties,,and then carried to the next person,group, or party. I mean,,,,,isn’t ONE SEX PARTNER AT A TIME ENOUGH RISK FOR U,BUDDY?? Do u NEED an ENTIRE ROOM FULL AT ONCE?!!!!!!

    PLEASE consider this:::::: how can you possibly play in the dumpster,,rummage through all kinds of bacteria and filth,,,,,but NEVER get anything on ur clothes,NEVER adopt an odor, & NEVER get sick?!!!! IMPOSSIBLE.

    After all these pepople have cried and died for your awareness,,ALL these classes in grade school,, all these commercials,,excessive advertisements,, do you contract HIV in 2010,,,if you dont ALREADY have it???!!!

    I swear to you,,,it IS a part of my criteria,,that I will NOT sex anyone who campaigns for multiple sex partners at one time!So,,alot of you are perfect for me,,but you have me convinced that it would be a waste of time,effort,and GOOD health to link with you,,because you carry the baggage/stains of the groups you play with.

  68. Zack Hames

    Hello once again!!! All of these comments on being educated, come on guys grow up we are all adults here and yes ignorance has a role to play into this… I am an A-List gay in the town I am from… I also run the rainbow ridge center as well… One of the comments above…”I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE KIDS THAT ARE 18-22 THAT HAVE AIDS!!!” are you kidding me! This day and age kids are having kids at 12 or 13 so the little gays of the world get with an older guy that is HIV+ and there you go… Kids are like rabbits… they are going to have sex… how do we prevent this, well I asked my self this question and I came to the conclusion that we need to infiltrate into the schools and into other young teen activities and EDUCATE these kids on the effects of un protected sex and what it could do to you and your feature!!! So if you want to get on a high horse and preach about the education of the HIV/AIDS epidemic we have going on… The famous words of my mother come to mind…




  69. Benny

    Adam4Adam should help discourage unsafe sex practices by eliminating the “Everything Goes” option on profiles and making HIV status required information on profiles. Also, when they review the content of a profile, things such as “bb” and “bareback” should not be allowed. This can be discussed when two members chat but A4A as a policy should not allow it. That would help in this effort.

  70. BootyCallSD

    In this time and age of sexual conduct everyone should read this page
    Most of the gay personals on A4A are from guys that claim to be DDF and say they are looking for the same. Of course, we all know that a lot of guys who claim to be negative have never been tested or have gone years without testing, all the while having unprotected sex with other guys that claim to be DDF. Some of these guys may be negative but have other STD’s without knowing it because they go years without testing. Meanwhile guys that are positive get their bloodwork done every 3-4 months on average, get tested for everything in the book, and if they are on anti-retroviral therapy in most cases have viral loads that are undetectable using ultra-sensitive 3rd generation tests. The impact of viral load on transmission risk is almost a taboo subject in the US, but researchers in Switzerland, a country that has been at the forefront of HIV research since the beginning have reached a consensus that people on anti-retroviral therapy with undetectable viral loads are sexually non-infectious as long as they have no other STDs. (Search on a story titled “Swiss experts say individuals with undetectable viral load and no STI cannot transmit HIV during sex ” on aidsmap dot com.) The decision on whom to have sex with and whether to have protected or unprotected sex is obviously a personal one, but it should be an informed decision. Having sex with positive guys that take care of themselves, own up to their status, get tested regularly and have undetectable viral loads is a safer bet that having sex with someone that claims to be DDF but never been tested or have gone months without testing and sleep around

  71. Stever

    My b/f and I attended the Miami White Party and never have we had such amazing safe sex sessions with other couples. There were never any questions as to having condoms, who was wearing… it was pure understanding that protection was necessary and it was freakin hot! I am glad to have experienced what is possible in any situation!

    Best Holiday Wishes and Happy HOT Safe Sex!


  72. ben

    that’s really sad that people judge poz guys… we need to know they are like u.. who doesn’t make mistake.. and it’s a disease.. everybody can be infected.

  73. alekx mebarak

    hi guys my name is alekx and i’m negative and i like that most people were aware the use protection every time they have sex to avoid being infected and/or infect others and please always use condoms…. :))))

  74. RSM in San Diego

    “It is important to realize and behave from the realization that often, the only difference between an HIV positive man and an HIV negative man is as little as the ‘luck of the draw’. Gay men have enough discrimination to deal with without the additional burdens of HIV stigma, a burden that is often fueled by unjustified self-righteousness”….Kudos to Stephan for saying this so perfectly.

    The constant profiles of DDF and HIV- you be too is just so sad. I see this in so many profiles and especailly the young men. Little do these young men know that those HIV Poz men, especially the older ones are the ones that went through the horrible clinical trial drugs and side effects to get the meds where they are now. Which allows those who are infected to live long and normal lives. They simply discriminate within their own community and that is a horrible thing. HIV and AIDS is a disease, NOT a disgrace. So for all you guys out there that won’t have anything to do with someone who is HIV poz, take the time to get educated and stop being so self-righteous. I truly hope that the tables don’t get turned on you someday. I don’t think you would like to be treated the way you are treating those with HIV….ok…I’m off my soap box.. Happy Holidays to all.

  75. seekaman

    Benny says A4A could help reduce the spread of HIV by eliminating the Anything Goes option in profiles and by not allowing posters to declare they prefer barbacking. Here’s another way to look at it: If I see a profile that reflects those activities (or three-somes, for example) I move on to another profile. I don’t want to meet a man who’s an Anything Goes fellow. And I don’t want to deal with cigarette smokers or drug users, either. The A4A profile helps me weed out some of the more risky men.

  76. F. TRE' TURNER

    I believe that one of the most important things that we need to get across to people living with hiv/aids is it’s no longer a death sentence. And also to the people who are not living with it is that it is ok to love somebody who does. using the correct precations the chance of transmission lessons.

  77. Dillon

    This is a great idea. Awareness is very important, guys please you protection, wrap it up ! Also Adam4Adam Can’t be held responsible for men who do not post their status honestly or men who prefer unsafe sex. All anyone can do is offer and give education.

  78. Dewsfriend

    Please note that this year much funding to many HIV-AIDS charitys was cut. Please think about doing your part like the AIDS walk. Also make sure to ask your partner their status because you need to be informed. It has been a long fight for some but we are finding answers. Love go’s out to those that are poz and remimber you are a worthy person and worthy of love.
    One day we will find the cure so those never suffer this anymore!

    May the good Lord bless you!

  79. Ricky

    The stigma associated with pos guys isn’t necessarily from judging or ignorance, but fear definitely has a role to play. From the neg point of view I have the fear that I will love a guy only to lose him far too soon. While it is true that people can live healthily for many years it would be something that would forever worry me, be you a lover or friend. But then there is the saying “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”. We have to learn to love and appreciate one another while we can… “No day but today” 😉

  80. Courtney

    The Stigma

    It’s hard to believe it’s been thirty years,
    Three decades filled with sorrow and tears.
    Just when our rights were gaining some ground,
    This unknown virus started coming around.
    At first unstoppable, we lost partners, family, and friends,
    But those unwanted sacrifices are bringing this to an end.
    With all of the knowledge and wisdom we’ve gained,
    To many, way too many, the old stigma remains !

    H I V


    We are just like YOU. Remember, We hurt too.

    C. Davis Louisville, Ky 6-4-10

  81. Jason

    Whats up! Everyone
    im been on the “down low” for my life. Last 3yrs I read a book. Down low brother
    And I was just scared and though never is gonna happened with me. Im HIV now for 2 yrs. Im in good health no medicine yet but the bottom line is I was the one who discriminate gay and HIV people’s now I know the reality and no words can described only one thing God please don’t let me down. And im completely change. I know meaning of life now for all those guys who found out your HIV never put your self down period I passed the more horribly time of my life but im proud im strong you don’t need people to know just protect your self and other’s. And watch 15 yrs from now we got a medicine if is less. If you want contact me give me your email. God bless everyone


    I also think A4A and all the other GAY CHAT SITES, should not place the + – signs for people’s hiv status as well.
    Instead, they should have a selection that says:
    would I connect with a guy even if he is + ?(yes) (no)
    *for sex? (yes) (no)
    *for friendship? (yes) (no)

  83. Dewsfriend

    If you are not poz and plan on staying that way please use protection and know your partners statious. If you are poz please take care of yourself!Check your statious so you can be informed.

  84. LetsBgrownups

    God is real and so is HIV. I know I’ve encountered both. But only because of God I still feel worth the life and love I have left to give. Negative folks need to wake up you’re only one mistake from being me. Wrap it up in every way imaginable. Poz folks be honest with those we sleep with. How much of a coward could you be to sleep with another person and then tell them after the fact you’re positive.. Hey,that’s what happened to me. But will not happen because of me! Speak up! then Wrap it UP!



  86. Roger

    I lost the love of my life Dec, 29th. 1995. His name was Mark Hutchinson. Wow! Just seeing that name in type invokes many emotions. I still moarn him. My partner now has been poz for almost 30 yrs. He is doing ok. Has a few issues but over all doing fine. My last test I was neg. I want to wish well to you people dealing with aids and stand with those who remember loved one’s gone. Life is a cruel joke a lot of the time, but there are moments where life is awesome. Let’s cling to the “AWESOME” and keep on living.

  87. Ctrlit

    Im really touched that this is around. This just made my day knowing that theres still people out there with hope.and really taking steps to uptain great understanding and possible progress in stopping the prevention of hiv.

  88. anthony

    December is the month we celebreate HIV awareness, but for me, I celebrate everyday! Im positive and dont mind saying it. Know your status, disclose your status, take care of yourselves,

    Happy Holidays!

  89. edward

    Hi Guys mi name is edward 27yo latino. N i’m HIV+ positive I just found I was infected two months a go!!! this is realy hard N I don’t want this to anyone!!! when I tell some friends about it I though they would give me their soport some of them just turn around n give me their back…. Now I know who are reley my friends, family and people at church

  90. Concerned for Marc Anthony and Edward

    Marc and Edward, My heart goes out to you guys. I remember what it was like when I found out I was positive.

    Initially, I was shaken to my core. My family and friends have supported me emotionally and have never faltered. I didnt think it would be like this but, I never knew for sure how much they loved me.

    Just know that the uncertainty will fade shortly and you will be able to stand and walk on your own. Its only been three years for me, but I know I have a bright future ahead. Keep your heads up, u have nothing to be ashamed of.

  91. D

    I tested positive nearly a year ago. So far my CD4 and VL are incredible. All without antiviral medication. Still, I hate being labeled because of my HIV status. I don’t want to be known as an HIV+ Gay Man. I want to be known as a Man, who is Gay, LIVING with HIV!

  92. Bill

    I know how it is i have a friend and he is HIV positive it is unfortunate cause i had expressed my concern to him about him practicing safe sex using a condom i did not know that he was not using the condom at all the times he had sex with man i my self am Bi and being very careful and using safe sex practice being that i am a bottom still i try to learn everything there is for taking precautions specially if you don’t know about the other guy, what gets me is when other guys lie they say they are negative and after couple months its that call you get when your whole world crumbles when they tell you they are infected and you might be HIV positive.

  93. David Haggard

    Hey Boys- i was infected in Sept. of 08- i still live a very normal life. I ish Icould reach out to those other gay men around the globe who just found out of their positive status.. this postive test result means NOTHING. You will be ok in the end; and this only means your going to have to fight with the rest of us- fight for funding in medical testing, and fight for the cure. Mery Christmas to you all-

  94. Manny Valverde

    I have been fighting HIV for 13 years . I never felt better since then , thanks to support of my Friends.
    And for those who are the newbies to this world your not alone , you got the angels among you and well as me to take you in and support you and each everyway .

  95. True Story

    Well i am glad to see many positive responses on this website, I am 20 years old and have been HIV Positive for two years right before i turn 18 years old. I do regret being positive at time because i do feel that no one can ever understand what i go through how i hide in a shadow filled with sorrow and regrets. i sometimes do question myself if this was really going on to me. I sometimes get scared n telling someone im positive because ive been called a monster, a freak, a mistake and all the worst things you can ever hear about. It truely sucks but i am glad there are support groups and hiv awareness.



  97. Oscar Torres

    Hi guy’s and everyone, my name is Oscar and I’ve been HIV+ since March 1990, I can relate to some many fears for the people that have said, they feel totally discrimnated when you let someone know that you’re HIV+, been there done that. You really feel like a spy, being HIV+ is such a personal thing, that it’s hard to let someone know about your status. I just started taking medications in March of 2005, thus far I’m really doing great, totally undectable and my VL is close to the 600 range and going up. My heart goes out to all the persons that are being discrimated because of being HIV+. Luckily here where I’m at in Central Texas there are no support groups and the nearest one is like 1 1/2 hrs drive or even more. I’m planning to relocate to larger city where there is everything close and accessible for me, everyone keep the faith and stay healthy, I’ve lost many friends to HIV that is not even a joke, I really miss my friends, I really do. Adam4Adam keep up the good work, this blog can really connect many people that are living with HIV as I am. Good Luck to all.

  98. just_wanna_share

    im really enjoying what everyone has contributed here. And,,I’d like if someone might have time to respond to this response.

    How will HIV awareness improve our pandemic? I ask b/c….I think we’d all agree that for the past 30 years,,public schools have insisted on “sex ed”. Realistically, it doesn’t seem probable that by ‘screaming louder’will help. How can we be ANY MORE AWARE?! I think most evryONE has some understanding of this disease. Some misguided,,but bottom-line-efficient nontheless. THE COMMUNITY ISNT UNINFORMED.In spite of what they know,,they take additional person-after-person…run thru city after city…”GETTIN’ IT IN”…

    Yea,,im madd…b/c I have always wanted a REAL relationship with a brother,that could meet me say the least. Im VERY afraid that all hope of ever achieving this has truely run out. It’s like,,,im watching the world around me receed….and I cant do anything to influence the course.

    Im neg..and imprisioned by it. I. am. afraid,’yall. SCARED AS HELL.

  99. theIntern

    How about talking about HIV with people other than those we have sex with? I’m talking about our families. Our cousins and aunts and uncles. I think i may have become poz because the only place i ever heard about HIV was at hookups and on the sides of bus stop advertisements. I have siblings coming into the age of sexual activity. I think it’s time for the gay community to move beyond being a counter-culture and actually accepting itself as an inseparable part of the original family unit.

  100. Brandon

    Hey Guys,
    My name is Brandon and I just found out about 4 or 5 months ago that I was HIV +. Please be aware that u can get it if u don’t wear protection and if you don’t care about your body like I once did, then don’t wear protection. As an HIV patient I am required to get tested and have safe sex, but I can live a long happy life if I am treated for this disease. I leave with this “No matter what u do just Please have safer sex, and wear a condom”!

  101. Dale

    The irony of this website acknowledging “HIV Awarness Month” is profound! Are you kidding me? Why not call a spade a spade and celebrate “HIV DENIAL MONTH”? Anyone who comes to this website looking for a “clean” relationship with an honest person (or safe tryst for that matter) is an idiot. If you actually believe that the person you are meeting who claims to be “HIV-Neg”, but posts “anything goes, misc fetish, group sex or one-on-one sex” is telling the truth, you are either very young or totally in denial.I dont care how “hot” or “cute” they are or innocent they look. The truth is, if you have unprotected sex with someone you just met on this site, you are running the risk of contracting a virus that will either kill you or force you on a regiment of drugs to keep you alive for the rest of your life…and, if you expect the latter, you better have an insurance policy that will support this very expensive dicipline or plan on being poor for the rest of your life. Sexy, no?

  102. HOTTIEBOI6901

    Well i meant my ex ass hoe lieing husband on A4A and his never told me he was hiv+ so i married him in june 26, 2010 and then ocr 5,2010 after he left me to go back to NYC he calls me oct 4, 2010 @ 2:30 pm with a smile on his fuck face to tell me he was hiv+ so the i know from there i was pos and i had a new boyfriend at that time and told him and he didn’t care but i felt love and also i didnt feel love at the same time but i would like to say to all the young people plz get check every 3 mths or 6 mths and use a condom even tho we hate them but i look at my life when i was neg. and i was a hoe but a safe hoe so if you want to sleep around do it a safe way …. love Baby D

  103. HOTTIEBOI6901

    My heart gose out to eddie, when i found out i thought my friends and family would turn there back maybe im one of the luck ones that my Mom broked down and cryed for hours with me she was there when i found out and my father being p.rican like myself the strongs man i every ment was my father and that day my father lost it and my friend was so great to me but list marc A. & Eddie Plesae forgive those who turn there back because the words out where going to out live those who dosen’t have it so you guys should be smileing now 🙂

  104. Dean

    As one who is living with hiv for 4 years now I am starting to wonder if I will ever find that special someone. Once I tell a guy they just run away. And what hurts the most is that its not like I was just out sleeping around I was rapped. But guys still look at me like I was some hoe and now I am “tainted’ or “damaged goods”. What is one to do? Dont get me wrong my numbers are good and have yet to be put on any meds. As well as for the most part I am very healthy.

  105. Romie Washington

    Great information. In my line of work this Is to know. That this site has our good health in mind. I want both good health and good sex. And this blog information will keep me mindful of that. Keep this good work going on. Thanks

  106. LIFCHGR

    Hi Guys, first and foremost I would like to thank A4A for this bog site, it is very informative, i’ve been reading all of comments of the people in here. Sadless but not needless to say that I feel pretty much the same way as many on this site. I’ve been POZ since March of 1990, I was 23 yrs old at the time living in Las Vegas, Nevada by myself with no family members to support me and I thouhgt the world had ended for me then. There are things in life that are scary but when you go in to get the results of your test and they tell you that you are HIV+, that is the worst experience you can ever have infornt of that nurse and doctor. I was totally numb for about 5-6 minutes when I was told, being HIV+ is such a personal thing, that it’s extremley difficult to come out to PPL, or anyone close to you. Guys don’t get discouraged keep going, I know how difficult this is but there nothing much to do but keep going and adjust like I have been doing for the past 20 yrs, this totally changes everything and the way you use to run your life, I can relate to many of your inner feelings, just don’t give up on life or love. Many times I have said I’m so mad and frustrated God. I seem to be at the end of the rope, why you remain silent? One christian advice to many out there. “THERE ARE CHILDREN LIKE US SITTING IN YOUR CONGRATIONS. UNKNOWN TO YOU THEY WILL BE LISTENING AS YOU ECHO AMEN, AND THAT WILL SOON SILENCE THEIR PRAYERS. THEIR PRAYERS TO GOD FOR UNDERSTANDING AND FOR YOUR LOVE. BUT MANY OUT THERE AND FEAR AND IGNORANCE OF THE WORD “GAY” WILL SILENCE THOSE PRAYERS, SO, BEFORE YOU ECHO AMEN IN YOUR HOME AND PLACE OF WORSHIP… THINK, THINK AND REMEMBER A CHILD IS LISTENING” these words are from an GLBT activist by the name of “MARY GRIFFITH”. I will never forget those powerful words MARY as long as I live. Perhaps many of you may have heard these words before in the movie PRAYERS FOR BOBBY. Take care, love and good luck to us all. LIFCHGR.

  107. Advice Needed

    How is the best way to tell someone negative you are positive? I am twenty years old and feel that I don’t have the courage to tell anyone.

  108. Need Advice

    How is the best way to tell someone you are positive, I am Twenty and I have the most hardest time in telling people. Do i tell them first time i meet them or wait and if they ask what should i do do i pause for a second and tell?
    Help Me

  109. blkberrydevyne

    I applaud A4A for having this blog. It is refreshing to know that you can have a place to learn and share among non-judgemental peers. I am currently dating a young man who just recently found out that he has HIV; i am neg. thank God. But it is hard at times to deal with this for both sides. We love each other very much, which is what is keeping us together and it is during this “test” that we have found out who our real friends are and were. We all should remember each other in prayer; for it could easily be one of us in this situation.

  110. Billieholiday

    I wish more men on Adam4Adam would have the courage to be honest about their HIV status 97% of the men on this website claim to be negative. That’s statistically impossible, so your best bet is to treat everyone as they are positive and show respect to the one’s brave enough….man enough to admit they are.


  111. dlkat

    Thanks for this forum. I am HIV-, but my boyfriend is hiv +. I believe that honesty and education is the key. Be safe and upfront about your status. If you are very “risky” in your behavior, then get tested often.

  112. Stephen

    I tested HIV positive 2 years ago. It has the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I hate living with HIV. HIV has killed my spirit. This disease is so lonely. Everyone blames me for contracting the virus. I had practiced safe sex all my life but then my boyfriend convinced me (after we had been together for 2 years) to let him fuck me without a condom. Then he broke up with me shortly thereafter. Then I learned I was HIV positive. I don’t know if he knew his status or not. I did see his last negative test, which was 2 months before he fucked me bare.

    I am always honest about my HIV status. I even put “poz” in my screen name. But I understand why some poz guys do not disclose or even lie about being positive. Dispute my good looks and gym toned body, no one wants to sex with me now that I am poz. even though I am undetectable on meds. I have been shunned by family and friends (I never should have told them – think twice, guys, before disclosing your poz status). I often think of killing myself because I feel I will live the rest of my life alone with this disease. I would do anything to be HIV negative again. The stigma, the discrimination, and the awful things people say has broken me. HIV has taken away my hope, my faith, and my ability to trust.

    It’s just so unfair because I wasn’t a whore and I was safe until then. I trusted someone and now my life is fucked.

  113. LIFCHGR

    NEED ADVICE, there is no easy way to come out to anyone about your HIV status there really Isn’t. What I have done for the past 20 yrs of being HIV POZ, my personal experience is that I just don’t tell anyone, they will run from you like there is no tomorrow, like if it’s a plague or a curse or the wrath of God, that’s when you start feeling all of their hatred towards you and rejections. I told someone close to me 20 yrs ago and still I’m yet to see that person, never seen them or heard from them. Use your best discretion and better judgement, my family is the only one that knows. I just don’t talk about it anymore, it makes my life harder that it suppose to, just keep a low profile when it comes to talking about your HIV status, try to go to some kind of support group, that is what I’ve been doing. If not you’re gonna run into a wall, like they say. I hope this advice will help. Let me know. LIFCHGR.

  114. LIFCHGR

    Stephen, thinking of taking your own life won’t solve the problem that is just an easy way out, the decease like you say it’s lonely but there are people out there that are looking for someone to love and have a life and a long term relationship, I didn’t get this decease because I was having sex with Tom, Dick, Harry, Billy, Bob and Joe. Stephen and everyone I got this from a blood transfusion while having surgery to repair my nose cartlidge because of severe nose bleeds when I got my allergies and sinuses, I asked not to be given blood, but the doctor’s had no choice but to give me a 2 blood transfusions during the surgery, because I lost too much blood during surgery, I was suppose to be in the operating room for 3 hours and ended up in there for 8 1/2 hours as things got complicated durging the surgery and I died and they brought me back, when I was in the recovery room they were trying to wake me up, then not long after, I was taken to a regular room that is when I found out the truth about what happened during the surgery. So sometimes it’s not oneself to blame, back in 1978 when I got the surgery, blood was not tested for HIV that came years later after the fact, Stephen have a positive attitude or you will run into a wall, make local friends that are HIV as well go to an HIV support group, this will make you feel that you are not alone in this. Let me know how it goes OSCAR TORRES – LIFCHGR from Texas. Keep the spirit going and you will remember me for many years to come, take care and good luck. Hope to hear from you soon.

  115. Need Advice

    It kinda doesn’t give me hope than part of me wants to try to just tell someone and not care if it turns out good or bad just to let it out. I have gone to support groups but i feel that the ones i go to is very ineffective.

    Stephen. Trust me my life is the same exact way i have try dating and gotten the worst comments but i guess you live trough it but they will be that one guy who will accept you and your love between each other will be unbreakable, unconditioned.

    As for me i will just stay busy as possible and work as hard as i can and better myself and hope that love will find me soon.

  116. Ricky

    I have been positive for 3 years now. It was terrible at first and sometimes still is. Despite knowing other positive people and having some supportive family members and friends, it is very lonely. I was 22 when I contracted the disease from a total stranger one drunken night. I now live in fear of never finding anyone special to settle down with ever. I understand why some poz people don’t disclose their status. Noone wants this and hardly anyone wants anything to do with it or to even hear about it. When ever I used to try to talk to my friends about my HIV related issues they would tell me to talk to people like me. I have tried and dont want to sit around in a circle full of strangers and pour my heart out. I want people that I love to hear me out and be that shoulder that I need. But it gets easier with each passing year. People, protect yourselves ALL THE TIME. Some people lie and some people just dont know if they do have it. Happy Holidays to all! Lots of love and be safe!

  117. Recently Poz

    I recently tested positive and have been processing all the emotions that come with that. Until you experience it personally, there are no words to describe the emotions. I’ve never had anal sex so I believe I contracted HIV from oral sex which I thought was safe… Especially since I didn’t allow guys to cum in my mouth. I have only told a few of my close friends and family and that is why I never listed it on my profile since many of my friends and acquaintances frequent this site.

    Obviously your words have affected me. I understand your anger with those not disclosing their status but calling someone a murderer and a statistic is plain cold and heartless and contributes to the stigma of this disease and the issue with disclosure. Worst care scenario, your words could push someone who is already emotionally distraught about their status over the edge.

    In a perfect world everyone would be honest about their HIV status; however, many poz guys are afraid to be upfront about their status out of fear of being ostracized by their own gay community. I have no sympathy at all for those that are POZ and carelessly infect someone negative just to get laid, however I do have sympathy for those that are to worried to disclose their status online out of fear of being ostracized. Disclosing status RIGHT BEFORE sex is all that is required. Otherwise, it’s a personal trust issue.

    Those in the community that are HIV- need to understand that HIV+ guys are living with that reality every day. Just because they’re POZ doesn’t mean they became infected from being a ‘whore’ and having no respect for themselves or those they have sex with. Some were infected by no fault of their own. Being HIV+ shouldn’t mean guys have to go back in the closet again and be alone. We need to support and continue to include those that are POZ in our community, instead of trying to be all self-righteous.

    Listing you’re HIV Negative on your profile is a false sense of security unless you are tested regularly and are certain you are negative by ALWAYS playing safe.

    There are many sanctimonious HIV- gays out there that are lucky to still be negative since many of them aren’t refraining from frequent casual sex and aren’t always playing safe (using protection) when they do.

  118. LIFCHGR

    STEPHEN, when I found out I was HIV POZ back in March of 1990 when I use to live in Las Vegas, Nevada, this is what I did. I sat down and reflected on what had already happened and made up my mind not to talk about it for as long as I could, if I heard the word HIV/AIDS it was gonna be too soon. I kept myself busy and working trying not to think about it, I just blocked it completely out of my mind because I was just like you, it was driving me crazy, just thinking that I would never find someone to love or someone to love me back, I took good care of myself, that is how I managed to stay alive all these years without medications. When I went to the doctor’s at the Botford’s General Hospital in the state of Michigan when I was living there back in 2004 and they asked me all the questions and ran all the test’s to see where my viral load was, the doctor told me, he couldn’t beleive that someone that had this virus since 1990 or prior to, had not taken any medications for it had lived as long as I did without it. They were surprised, then and there is when I decided to start taking medications on March of 2005 been on them since then, it was rough for the first 18 months but it has gotten much better, they even asked me why I didn’t start taking meds back in 1990 when I found out and this was my reply to them. The doctor’s in Nevada wanted me to start taking medications back in 1990 but I told the nurse and the doctor that if I was going to die, I didn’t need any help to die, that I could do a good job at it all by myself, because back in the 90’s people started taking those medications and they were dying 3,4,5,6 months later. Stephen I was 23 when I found out, today I’m 44 yrs old going to be 45 yrs old in July 2011, I didn’t think that I would even make it to my 30th birthday that’s how paranoid i was about this virus. I just can’t explain the sypnosis of my life and why I’m still here standing in one piece, but one thing I can tell you and everyone out there, God’s vengence is great, SO IS HIS COMPASSION, maybe because of his compassion, I’m still here being a prime expample that oneself and anyone out there can out live this, I know that I will not die from AIDS, maybe I will die of something else other than this. Still like you say, it’s hard dating, it is. I still have not found the right person, but I am not putting my hopes down, PERSONAL DISCLAIMERR A4A I’m not trying to pick anyone up in this blog, I’m just giving STEPHEN a good advice as to what happened to me and how I have been a great survivor of this decease WE ALL CAN SURVIE THIS, if I have, you can to. May the grace of God be with all of us during this holiday season and may we have many more in the next coming years ahead of us. OSCAR TORRES – LIFCHGR from Texas. I hope this will cheer you up Stephen, Let us know.

  119. John

    Each time one person strikes out at the psyche of another, no matter what the intent, it is injurious. The foundation of each person’s self-concept (ego) is built on sand and is easily undermined. Even those who portray a hard exterior have spent time alone thinking about the reality of their life with tears rolling down their cheeks.

    Each time one person rejects another, no matter for what reason, its effects are injurious to the individuals. The victim’s experience of rejection calls into question his worth and value. The perpetrator is negative affected because he has opted to reject the knowing of another human being.

    One would think that humans would have developed further socially and humanly in our interactions with other humans. When you observe the interactions of one man toward another, you can easily see the immaturity in their exchanges. We have not evolved in attaining meeting the standards set forth in the definitions of “humanity”, “civilization”, or “socialization.”

    Yes, bullying is a destructive behavior. Bullying, whether intentional or not, is unable to be defined or observed by the perpetrator but rather by the victim. The act of bullying is evil and intended to belittle and destroy the spirit of another human. This primitive act that would have been demonstrated by early man as his ability to interact with others of his species evolved. It allowed for survival of the fittest. I guess that we’ve not come very far as a species, have we?

  120. LIFCHGR

    ADAM4ADAM MEMBERS, I have just received this information on an e-mail, please click on the link and read and make some comments about it. A4A publishers, I would appreciate it these words are posted, I just got this information a few minutes ago from AIDSMEDS.COM IMPORTANT AIDS CURE INFORMATION in the City of Berlin, this maybe helpful to many of us waiting for a cure of the HIV virus, Thanks Oscar Torres – LIFCHGR from Texas

    Berlin Patient Follow-Up ‘Strongly Suggests’ HIV Cure
    The “Berlin Patient”—a man living with HIV who underwent a transplant involving HIV-resistant stem cells in 2007 for the treatment of leukemia—has been classified as cured of his HIV, according to an update of the patient’s experience published online, ahead of print, on December 8 by the journal Blood.

    For more news from AIDSmeds please visit

    ADAM4ADAM PUBLISHERS THANKS FOR POSTING THIS IMPORTANT INFORMATION, your attention in this matter, will be greatly appreciated.

    Thanks to all for listening and making your comments. LIFCHGR – OSCAR TORRES from Texas. God help us ALL.

  121. Second

    I disagree with this comment…

    >> Adam4Adam should help discourage unsafe sex practices by eliminating the “Everything Goes” option on profiles and making HIV status required information on profiles.<<

    You cannot force anyone to tell you the truth. The moment A4A starts that policy, you're going to have a pandemic surge of lying in profiles. And simply hiding the truth will not stop unsafe sex from happening (probably will contribute to more of it).

    I actually like that people are honest enough to tell others that they practice unsafe sex. That way I can know to avoid having sex with people who choose to be unsafe.

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