Love : Ideal Man, Myth or a Reality?
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Hi, guys! What are the qualities you are looking for in a partner/husband/boyfriend? Do you have a yardstick for choosing the right person for you? We already talked about our ideal man here and the importance of beauty in a relationship here but what about the beauty within?
My friend thinks that there are two types of qualities one must look for: there’s the essential or the basic qualities and then there’s the ideal. Basic qualities include kindness and respect which we look for in a friend, then there is his being a good child and a good sibling. Is he mature? Do we share the same values and goals in life?
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said that “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.” That the guy was very perceptive is an understatement for when a couple do not see eye to eye on things that are essential in life it sure is a deal breaker.
But those are the basic qualities that could make or break a relationship so how about the ideals? Personally, I want someone who could make me laugh. And are we intellectually compatible? These qualities are equally important because they determine the longevity of the relationship.
Putting things this way it looks like we are in search of a saint, not a human being. But the truth is they do exist. They are not a myth. They are out there; we just have to find that one guy meant for us. I can say this with conviction because I have seen many happy couple together and while their life may not be perfect, they are happy. And anyway if we do not set a standard, the relationship will fail sooner or later because we are bound to make compromises along the way that could have been avoidable in the first place.
I am closing this article with a piece of great advice from my friend: “create your own cheat sheet, draw your baseline, and love with reckless abandon.”
What about you? What do you think makes a person special? What are the basic and ideal qualities that he must have? Share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.
for a gay guy when you are hot and sexy you are perfect, gays don’t look for quality
Someone who makes and lets me laugh. Someone who is intelligent (not necessarily a super educated genius but with a natural intelligence). Someone independent but still needs me. Someone mutually respectful.
I really don’t understand what’s the point in answering that question. Every single gay man in the gay community will answer with the same statement. Have to be:
-Light Complexion
-6’10
-12 inch penis
-Walking light bulb (muscular)
-Willing to be in an open relationship
Seems like personality doesn’t fit in that criteria, but what do I know and that’s absolutely nothing. And here comes the “It’s a personal preference” BS. It’s not a preference. It’s being ignorant. What the hell does a white guy has, but the black men doesn’t? Everytime I ask that question, I never get a straight answer or the truth. Last I checked, men have penises. Apparently that’s not enough.
Tell me about it
Nailed it.
Not being overly needy is a plus. Being a damsel in distress is a big turnoff for me.
There’s more than enough men to go around, so the “It’s a personal preference” line is moot. Move on if they don’t find you attractive. And don’t even play that race card b.s. We like what we like, period. Can’t please everyone, so work on yourself rather than deflecting those hurt feelings by lashing out at the world for being cruel to you. It gets better, snowflake.
You’re insecure because someone spoke the truth. How could there be “enough men to go around” when gays only represent like 3% of the population–at max? That comment in itself makes you look stupid.
Just be honest. Admit it: You’re a racist, and think that because you’re gay it makes it OK to be a bigot. Sad. The funniest part is that you’ll never find your perfect, blonde-hair, blue eyes, Caucasian, boy-toy man. You’ll wither away sad and alone, moaning about how shallow the gay community is while, ironically, being the exact representation of it. Look forward to that, bud.
And here he is everyone. I knew one of them was going to surface eventually.
First off, It’s not a “personal preference.” It’s ignorance. Don’t speak for everyone else. If he doesn’t want me, no problem, but don’t bitch about how you’re so focused on group A claiming there’s no good men when there’s a group B you won’t bother to look at.
Secondly, work on myself, practice what you preach sir because you need help yourself by getting your head out your ass and actually think outside of the box for once.
Thirdly, as for you saying “a race thing” I was giving an example. You did not read my statement at all because no where did I said race. I said you rather talk to a person whose a lighter complexion. You think blacks come in one color? You think Hispanics come in one color? Yea….ignorant!
Forth, Not my fault you use your looks to get with random men out there and crying to yourself because they wanted you for 5 minutes. There’s men that actually want quality over quantity.
And finally, I’m a black men dumb ass not white. Pick up your face. I understand you cant please everyone but don’t come bringing your nonchalant, chauvinist attitude on me because you think too highly of yourself so you sit in front of the mirror admiring yourself. All the seats in the world and you can’t find one.
And another thing, Navysausage, answer the question for me since you’re so correct;
What does a white man have that a man darker complexion don’t have? Answer that without saying anything about your preference or your ego intact.
Pretty much especially with a lot of the younger gay men look for the ideal man. Since they think that the ideal gay man is just about looking good and being in shape. They really don’t care about anything else
Three points:
First, Sean, I happen to be white and I happen to like non-white men with non-white penises. Give me a return call.
Second, Saint Exupery wrote The Little Prince. Marie Louise Von Franz, a student of Karl Jung, wrote a book called Puer Eternus. It was about men who are charming and live special lives until the time comes to grow up and they cannot make the transition so they die, usually just at or just after 40. Famous men include James Dean, Jim Morrison, Kurt Kobain, and JFK.
Sound familiar fellow gay men?
The final point the article brought to mind was Jackson Browne’s song (yeah the famous wife beater of all time a/k/a Darryl Hannah) from Late for the Sky, a great CD I’d suggest every gay man buy and listen to. It goes like this from The Late Show
Without dreaming of the perfect love,
and holding it so far above,
if you stumbled onto someone real,
you’d never know,
he could be standing right next to you,
words can be so slow,
when you’re on empty,
that’s all that’s coming through,
I’m not sure why you’re still talking,
I passed that point long ago.
cya.
Well how you doing lol…
Someone who is masculine, in shape, intelligent, can support himself and with a great perception of life and self. A nice physique is always a plus for me.
Y’all too picky. He had better have lots of love in his heart for me. Clean nice teeth is my main physical deal breaker.
Seeking “the” “ideal” man sounds all well and good, but it is the thing “bitter old queens” are made of. It assumes “I’m going to get what I want” and leaves out “what am I going to bring/give to other man in the equation?”
Better would be to develop a list of 7 to 10 attributes that you bring. And no, “I’m cute”, “I’m good looking”, “I’m fun to be with”, etc. do not count. Be brutally honest about yourself. If you can’t do that, you have no right expecting other guys to deliver for you.
Then develop a list of 7-10 attributes you’re looking for. Seek out guys who have about 70% of the mix. Go from there as far as how well you and they fit.