Dating : Who Should Pay On A Same Sex Date?
When it comes to dates between straight people, things are a little more clean-cut when it comes to who pays during a date. Generally, it’s the man who foots the bill on the first date, and then as the relationship progresses and they go on more dates, the couple works out a system.
It’s all pretty heteronormative, which obviously doesn’t translate well when it’s a homosexual relationship. With gender roles and expectations non-existent in a relationship between two guys or two girls, there aren’t any hard and fast rules to follow when it comes to paying for the first date and the dates after.
However, that lack of expectations does free one up to make the rules up as they go along. Here are three rules you can go by when you’re out there this Valentine’s Day on a date with someone:
1. Whoever does the asking, also does the paying. It’s a rule that makes sense, doesn’t it? If you’re the one who asked a guy out to dinner, it wouldn’t be that big of a leap to expect you to pay for the dinner as well. If you’re the one asked out on a date, it wouldn’t be too much to expect the guy to pay.
2. Switch every other date. If your date foots the bill and asks you out on a second date that you really want to go to, take the initiative to pay for it when the time comes. Or if the guy insists on still paying, at least make a real attempt at footing the bill. At the very least, he knows you tried.
3. Split the bill. It’s the least emasculating option, if that’s something that you’re worried about. By offering to split the bill, you’re sending out the message that the two of you are equal.
Are there any other tips or rules of thumb you guys abide by when it comes to paying for dates? We’d love to hear about it! Share it with us in the comments section below!
One should discuss the range of cost one is comfortable with. If one wants to go to a more-expensive place, he should either pay happily, or, say I’ll pay the cost if you cover the tip. Or choose a place that is mutually comfortable. That’s why diners are the best. But if one clearly has much more money, if one is, say, unemployed, the one with the money should absolutely pay, with no second thoughts or hinting. Generosity is a way to open hearts, minds and legs. But never expect any action for your money. That is tacky.
I’m gaysian that like to try different restaurants but somewhat traditional in taking the tab myself when out on first date or with especially someone I like regardless who first asks whom out for a meal so that I don’t feel pressured of putting out. However, it’s nice to see the other party offering the split of the bill or at least the generous tip for the service but i always take the initiative since most of my dates look older than me and not necessary older or richer than I am. LoL, of course I prefer the best option of taking turn paying next time when we are outing again. This latter proves we have chemistry enough to do it again.
I thought those were the 3 rules no matter the genders.
A nice things about a same sex date is you just split it.
But I will say when I lived in Miami and met a lot of Cuban Top men they would always pay for dinner. Of course I always put out after lol.
They both pay…the top pays for dinner and the bottom gives up ass!!
thats right
Stupid question. Whoever ask for the date is the one that pays! Gay guys don’t know how to treat each other anyway.
The first option sounds like a good thing, but I have two problems with it. First, it’s still heteronormative in a way, as the traditional hetero premise is that the man will do the asking out. The man asks the woman out and the man pays not because he did the asking, but because he’s the man. We’re both men, so none of that applies.
Second, and a bit more problematic, is that all too often the second person never asks the first person out. Instead he tries to get the first guy to ask him out again — with hinty questions like “When are we going out again?” — and thus, be the one to pay again. Obviously that kind of behavior is a red flag in itself, but I’d just rather it not even be an option.
So for me, we split every time. Only exception is if it’s a special occasion for one of us like a birthday or a new job celebration. In that case the celebrant is, well, the celebrant and shouldn’t be expected to foot part of the bill.
I think for the first date the person Who asked should pay, unless they both agree to split the bill 50/50. After that flip back and forth each taking a turn to pay, unless one if feeling very generous that evening and he wants to pay more then once in a row.
When you’re being invited on a date you can offer. “Since you payed last time this one will be my treat.” He may still insist that he got you on this date also or you both can agree on dutch-ing. It stops the awkwardness of you talk about it before the date.
I would say, split the bill. Me personally, I like to be equal and not feel like someone is paying my way on things. If the other party gifts an item for a birthday or holidays, I try to gift back at same value. I maybe shooting myself in the foot for not having a partner or a relationship, but at least I don’t owe anyone when things go south in a relationship.
Hey Dave…..Can you adjust my name in my comment to DLS245 instead of my name Dan Samson. I didn’t realize my name would appear. First time blogger 🙂 Thanks!!
Generally I follow Rule 1.
If I asked you out I’m assuming I’ll pay and will SAY so if the reply is “I’m short this week” or some such thing (maybe he said that as a hint or a leader).
IF a guy were to ask me out (as IF) I would think he should but I would go prepared to split it. I would hope someone wouldn’t have the balls to do the asking AND presume I’d pay. LoL. (That would automatically make it the last date.)
The Top pays. When I’m out with a Top and he pays he can have me all night. Many times I went home sore.
i think it’s expected the top to pay, but i prefer things more equal. i don’t think it would always be fair to expect him to pay, plus i wouldn’t want to feel tied down like i can’t support myself.
alright now, thats what Im talkin bout and i would have he a have a friend of 2 to tag team as well Im a whore like that..lol
If I was asked out on a dinner date I will volunteer to drive us there. I expect the person that ask pay for dinner. I will pay for drinks after dinner and pay the tip. I like to make things equal because I do think it sends a message. If and it happens sometimes I paid my monthly bills and don’t have any extra money then I will be honest and tell the guy that asked. If he still want to go then he know that it is expected that he pay for everything.
Nice man now that’s how it goes down
oh yeah, if i really like the guy and want the date to happen, and he’s spent, i would pay for the date with the condition he must pay the next time and impress me.
I believe the one that should pay is the bottom. They usually pay for the whole date.
Gay men date and actually go out to dinner.
i go on a lot of dates so it’s always dutch treat..!
The top. Firm believer Im givin up the booty, the awesome head and outstanding an excellent ass eating skills (which is outstandingly awesome i might add) then the top can at least spring for dinner
Emily Post will tell you that the person who creates the invitation should pay any costs of the event, including when the event is a “date.”
When I ask a guy out on a first date I like to drive and pay, but I appreciate him picking up the tip. The same holds true when I get asked out on a first date. After that it’s open to negotiation.
Simple. The first to ask for a date should pay
While dating, it should be whoever asks the person out should pay for that particular date but while in a relationship, either split or make a decision of who pays
When I ask a guy out on a first date I expect to drive & pay and when I get asked out, I think the reverse is reasonable. After that first date we go Dutch or get a U Haul! lol
another option, if you can’t afford to pay for a night out, is to invite him over for a home-cooked meal. even men who can’t cook should be able to handle fettuccine Alfredo, salad and garlic bread. see if he offers to bring wine or dessert.
First date, you split the bill. 2nd date, you split the bill. You split the bill because you are men and not bitches locked in the 50s who think “the man” must pay.
As always the person who ask the other out or you agree on the in Conversation .
If I ask the guy out to dinner I would gladly pay if I want his body. If I meet with him and we are hungry I like to order something and take to to his or my place and maybe watch tv and eat it together possibly in bed. Some foods are fun to eat off of bodies anyway.
Each should pay for their own (Dutch-treat) They may hit it off just the same without money being a factor if its really meant to be. It shows both parties ate trying to be fair to one another.
Swipe!
#1