Health : Doing The Right Thing When You Get Crabs
A while ago, a good buddy told me a story that made me flinch, close my eyes, and say to myself “I hope this never happens to me.”
He had arranged a sex date with a FWB that he had recently had sex with. When the guy showed up at his house he was carrying a CVS bag with something in it. He lifted out a bottle of “RID” and said, “We’re not having sex. I brought this for you. I have crabs.”
Getting crabs sucks. Getting a sexually-transmitted disease and/or HIV sucks too. The first question that naturally comes to mind is: “Who gave it to me and who did I give it to?” The second question is often: “Who have I had sex with recently and should I tell him?” This is a dilemma I think almost every gay man has faced, but it’s almost never openly discussed.
What’s the “right” thing to do in this situation? It’s probably to let your recent partners know, for two good reasons. First, if you don’t tell your partners, and you have sex with them in the future, you have a chance of getting re-infected with crabs and STD’s. Second, getting some STDs and HIV can have serious health consequences, but if caught early, many STD’s can be cured and the health consequences of HIV can be minimized – so you are doing a big favor to your partners by letting them know.
It’s totally awkward and uncomfortable to share this news with partners, but the peace of mind of doing the “right” thing in this situation is worth it.
In the story above, the guy went above and beyond by delivering a bottle of RID to my buddy’s house – that guy has class.
Perhaps the easiest way to handle this is through a text or e-mail that says: “I want to share some news with you. I got crabs (or STD or HIV). I don’t know how I got it but I wanted you to know so that you can get checked out.”
While being a gay man has some great benefits, a wise older friend of mine once told me that it also comes with some ”occupational health hazards,” which is true. However, these hazards can be minimized if we take care of ourselves, which includes letting our sex partners know if they need to shampoo with RID or go get checked out for STDs and/or HIV when necessary.
I’d love to hear from others about the best ways you found to tell your partner you may have exposed him to crabs (or something else) – or the best way he told you! What worked best? Or what didn’t work at all?
For more information on crabs, click here.
I got the news 6 weeks ago that the oral test for Chlamydia came back positive. Since A4A was how I connect with partners, I let them all know. I explained what it was, what the doctor recommended, and what they should think about doing next. Most were cool about it, and said they would get tested.. A couple (married guy, and another guy who plays with married guys) freaked a bit, but they had also never been tested or thought about it. One by one they got tested, and all were clean, so I was lucky, I got it but didnt pass it on. Slowly but surely things have gotten back to normal, and a couple of them have even been over again. In the end I’m happy I was upfront with everybody, and am glad I get tested twice a year. A quick diagnosis lead to a quick cure.
“It’s totally awkward and uncomfortable to share this news….”
Getting naked, sucking a guy’s cock, rimming his ass, and having anal sex isn’t? Lol
The guy here who showed up with the CVS bag and said “let’s handle this” us a hero.
What is the right thing to do? Probably tell your recent sex partners?
You most definitely want to tell your recent sex partners. No probably about it. Any competent health professional would tell you the same.
I am not sure what your qualifications are for sharing information on this site, but you would be wise to research your topic throughly before putting the information out there. Unfortunately, there are probably many guys that have this site as their only source for health info.
the author gave some great and health based arguments on why to do it and let individuals make their decision. This and other blogs have been quite good. If you read others’ comments you’ll see they got the point.
I have only had one experience with crabs some years ago that still baffles me today. I was about 18yo at the time and started itching down there and upon further investigation realized it was something on my skin. Naturally like a zit you have to pop it. So with tweezers I removed it only to find out it was crabs. The thing that still puzzles me on how I got them in the first place? For one I was still a virgin and no one has been down there besides myself, I’ve heard you can get them from toilet seats, yes maybe possible but I have never used a public toilet and hopefully never will. So unless they came up my leg on the beach there is more than one type of crab you can catch on the sand. SMH thanks guyd
You beat me to it !
Back in the early 80’s I did a house sit for a couple that were friends of the family for eons . A very wealthy couple with the highest housekeeping standards whose kids had long left home .
I slept in a bedroom that I was sure hadn’t been occupied for years even though they do have occasional visitors .
Well be damned if a few days after I moved back to my place I was doing that constant fidgeting with my privates (even in public) like all poorly brought up boys do . And I was a product of a pretty Victorian upbringing .
After a day or two it was maddening . I was walking around with a cordless sanding machine and battery powered egg beaters to help bring relief .
Eventually I went to my MD and he confirmed a case of the micro crustaceans . The only possible place I could have caught them was in that posh bed and I told him so , but I still subconsciously sort of felt like a slut ! !
Always practice safe sex no matter what.
Crabs are the easiest STD to deal with..also one of the skankiest cuz its bugs on you..makes your skin crawl. I disagree with your solution to informing others. I’d do it face to face if possible. Your bud is a class act, and more mature than most of the men I encounter. Drop off a can of rid, if your partner freaks, fuck him..he should be able to deal with the situation
I’m loving the fact that this story has been shared. I’m sure there are countless stories that didn’t end this way. We’ve moved into sex be more accessible than ever. With that being said I’m sure most of us have our own stories we could share of scary encounters or far worst. I think we should find the compassion that most of would have liked to have had in situations where we were never advised and left to deal with things on our own. Most of us have been hurt multiple times by careless partners and in turn we give into the same careless nature.
In my own experience I recall having shared with my partner about my status and then finding out, after relationship was over, that he too was HIV+. He couldn’t have had a better chance to share when I shared my own. The moral is things would be a lot better if we had more guys like the guy your friend encountered. Sure it’s uncomfortable, but I can bet you karma is much worst when we don’t exercise some level of integrity.
I think it’s best to be up front and honest…texting is the easiest way. Just share and face whatever comes.
I hooked up with someone and before we got started, I spotted his crabs. He never noticed because they didn’t itch. I brought him to natural light to inspect and I was correct. He went got checked out and ACTUALLY had a second STD. Crabs turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
But I don’t think he’s a whore or stupid. Communication is everything. We need to do the hard thing, even at the risk of getting caught cheating or whatever. The cheated party may be angry, and justifyably so, but you had enough respect to inform them. That says a lot, too. If we were all responsible, we’d have a lot fewer infections.
He did the right thing by letting this guy know and a good deed by bringing him a solution.
Thanks for the positive blog post!
I don’t know if I’d equate crabs and hiv.
if you’re embarrassed to inform your partners, you can contact your local health department and they’ll do a cluster study and keep it confidential.
I caught crabs and genital warts from a nursing student I was dating in college in the 1980’s. Kwell shampoo took care of the crabs after a couple of treatments and the doctor froze off the weenie warts. The bugs are so small the only way I knew at first was from the red dots on my tightey whiteys. The dots of course we’re blood from the little buggers feasting on me. In college, crabs are very common and they are easy to get rid of. Never had the warts show up again either.
Definitely always share if you’ve exposed someone! I found I contracted chlamidyia and notified anyone I’d had sex with over the previous month. Most were appreciative if concerned, and one volunteered that he had passed it on to me without knowing he had it at the time. I was pretty peeved at him not notifying me once he’d found out! Was a lot more careful to use full protection after that – a worthwhile lesson for sure!
I usually would throw a dinner party, a Tupperware party and give the appropriate door gift. Now how complex a society we have for that today.
I met a guy once and I fell head over heels for him the moment we met. He comes over a few days later with a brown paper bag and he looked like he had something to tell me and he was very nervous about it. It turned out he had crabs and I may have got them from him. I was so impressed by that, we dated and were together for 10 years after that. He did the right thing, I was sooo impressed.
The other extreme was a guy who gave crabs (I havent hooked up for months before that) and when I asked him, he totally denied I got crabs from him. What a jerk ! I guess I got cravs from an Immaculate conception.
We should all do/say whats right … things turn out better that way.
I have unfortunatley dealt with crabs 3 times, but never once did they itch. The first time i had buddy warn me he had them, i thought i would be smart and treat, but i was naive and only treated my pubic hair. Well by the time i noticed them they were everwhere, legs butt belly. But learned a lesson. The last time i noticed early and only picked about 5 off, didnt find asny eggs , but treated with rid and cleared uo.
Have always let other guys i have been with know
I got gonorrhea once. I got it from an ex boyfriend that I was still hooking up with. One of the reasons we broke up was that he was sleeping around all the time. He got it from someone he had hooked up with and gave it to me and his boyfriend. I thought it was kind of poetic justice considering he left me for that guy.
I found out I had it because i was getting tested twice a year just to be safe. Luckily. I told him I had it and both him and his boyfriend got tested and came up positive. There was a lot of drama and everything, but it was a good thing in the end.
No matter how often you have sex with anyone or how many partners, it is always a good idea to get tested regularly. Unless you can totally trust your partner and know you are being safe, you should get tested. If I hadn’t been been getting tested regularly I wouldn’t have caught it because I had no symptoms at all. And who knows how many people would have been infected between the three of us. I was happy to catch it when I did. So play it safe and get tested. Whether you have any symptoms or not. It’s your health, and the health of anyone you have sex with.
True (and recent) Story…
I test every 3 months because of PrEP. Right before this last text, a recent partner told me he had tested positive for syphilis (good for him, letting me know – and I in turn let the 3 people I had been with after him know). He said he hadn’t had any symptoms – they just found it as part of his PrEP check up.
When I told the clinic this, they gave me a rapid response test for syph, same as they do for HIV and then also sent my blood work out fur further testing.
Now because of my dumb and complicated insurance, I test for STDs in one part of the hospital’s clinic and then go upstairs and see the Doc for my PrEP Rx (he also runs some blood work not related to STDs). This time I had about a two hour wait to see the Doc, so I went out to lunch. In the mean time, I texted “Mr. Syph” and let him know my rapid test had been non-reactive so I likely didn’t have it. Had I gotten it in the time frame before I played with him, it would have shown up.
So then he tells me the even worse new that he had gotten that(?) morning and that was that the rest of his results came back (if he had no symptoms, wouldn’t all of his results have come at the same time? but oh well…) and he was ALSO positive for Chlamydia AND Gonorrhea… Damn…
So I tell the PrEP Doc this and he says “the hell with waiting for results, which aren’t always 100% especially if you just contracted something, we’re treating you for them all. Today. Now.”. So congratulations ME, three shots in the ass. Two of which were penicillin and made my ass hurt for days. Thank you.
So then I have to tell the other 3 people “hey, here’s the deal” so they could choose how to deal with it.
Turns out, ALL of my tests came back non-reactive. Maybe the shots were for nothing butt* maybe not. Moot point now right. I sent all of my results to the 3 since him so they would be more comfortable about the whole thing.
So “Mr. Syph”…? I sent him a copy of of not only my test results but ALSO the paperwork about my shots. He avoided at first when I asked him about his treatment plan and then once when I asked him I got a very nonchalant “oh yeah, I did that yesterday”. Didn’t give me much confidence. I ask him to send me HIS paperwork from getting treatment so we’d both feel comfortable playing again without worry of re-contracting something… doesn’t make me a bad guy does it? 🙁
His reply? That he didn’t have any paperwork from the doctor and “it’s not worth driving way out to (area 20 mins away) to get it just so you can see”. I suggested they could email him something (and that he could blot out the name and other info since we are semi-anonymous) and I got ZERO reply from that.
Wow – I’m not worth giving a little proof so we can keep playing, which interested us both… Thanks.
We haven’t talked or played since. Easy come, easy go I guess. Well, except those shots in my ass.
Moral of the story: Yes, information is good – tell those who have reason to be concerned if you catch something.
Big damn deal.
Wanna maintain your ‘purity’? Then you & your partner stand on opposing sides of a pane of glass, separate rooms & watch each other spank it. Sanitize your hands, the room & your hands again before you touch any other part of yourself. Might as well carry your own toilet seat & can of Lysol with you wherever you go too.
Sometimes these bland & superficial messages presented to readers fail to acknowledge a major caveat: Because you ‘came into contact with/had a reactive test result’ to ‘this’ or ‘that’—you’re still the same person.
GO LIVE, fulfill your fantasies, experiment, learn about yourself & the wonderland your sex life can be…let it facilitate discovering who you are—and aren’t. Get over your prissy perspective—because here & there you will find consequences. Be responsible with them instead of embellishing that air of disdain & making it an elephant in the room.
And because someone doesn’t present you with satisfactory documentation of treatment, spare yourself (& others) the immediate association you think it has to your ‘worth’ in the game.
What it means is someone has tighter privacy—and potentially honesty issues behind that. Getting indignant & invasive over it is nothing short of nauseating.
Otherwise, spend the rest of your life sitting on your Mom’s dildo collection.
Ummmmm…my mom does NOT have a dildo collection (I already searched). She’s a lady and would never do things like that.