Gay Stuff : My Bussy, My Choice

I never really understood the term “the birds and the bees.” Apparently, it’s some important conversation mommy and daddy are supposed to have with you when they sit you down and explain to you the repercussions of having sex. Well, I’ve been having sex for quite some time now, and by the grace of God and benefit to the rest of society, I somehow have not been able to reproduce.

Many of us passed sexual education in 7th grade biology when we were tested with colorful diagrams and thorough textbook passages. Second semester was filled with the anatomical explanation of the late night porn we’d watch praying that the AOL dial-up would not wake up our parents. It’s simple: man’s penis goes into a woman’s vagina, and without contraceptives can produce human life, an irregular skin growth, or even HIV.

In class, we were taught what sex health is according to mainstream society. In porn, we continue to be taught what sex should physically look like when it comes to the submissive and dominant characters that the actors play. Could it be that when we are looking for our partners in a homosexual relationship, this formula may not apply? Furthermore, how does it play a role when it comes to our preferred sexual position and reflection on the way we operate in everyday life.

I was not aware of how far-fetched my understanding of male homosexual sex was until my early twenties. Even with dating, I didn’t experience the sexual labels of “top” and “bottom” that came with the “do’s and don’ts” in the bedroom. In my mind, two men and their two penises got the best of both worlds. But just like a child outgrowing visits from Santa Claus, reality struck and the mere act of sexual intercourse between two men was far more complex than I was prepared for. Sexual roles apparently trickled into how men operated and treated each other in everyday life. It was assumed that from what we wear, how we conduct ourselves, the scale of flamboyant behavior, and even height seemed to oddly align with whether we identified as a top or a bottom. But that’s not the case at all. The spectrum of feminine and masculine behaviors and appearance really has nothing to do with what one may enjoy during midnight playtime. Tops come in all shapes and sizes (no pun intended) and the same for bottoms. So why did we tend to paint a heterosexual narrative on a homosexual situation?

I once was in a conversation that escalated to a debate when a friend said, “I don’t believe he’s a top because I heard his penis is small. He has to be a bottom.”

The tone and delivery suggested that this person was not worthy of being on #TeamTop because of the size of his package. I’m sure we can all agree that this is completely ignorant because that would suggest that all straight men with petite penises are bottoms, too.

The reality is, this is really the sad reflection of how we look at each other. Bottom shaming is real and a lot of it stems from misogyny and our history with culture and race. Prejudice against women seems to have made its way into our culture. It originates from the idea that dominant masculinity is the idea of G.I. Joe soldiers and femininity equivocates to Betty Cocker pots and Easy Bake Ovens. Because someone enjoys being penetrated by a penis like a woman would in her vagina, it’s as if similar struggles woman face in society apply to our own subculture, yet we’re the ones leading our own illiberal mob. Bottoming is looked upon as emasculating, ripping away at one’s manhood with every thrust. Well, guess what? Surprise! Men do not have vaginas. We’re all still men.

Don’t you dare be sexually liberated and like to bottom either; that’s the illogical theme. Society praises men for the amount of “game” they have when it comes to dating and sex. The more sexual partners a man can add to their roster, the more credit he builds and the more men and women want to invest in hime; unless you’re a bottom. Then you’re a cum pig and a whore.

People label the “Sex and the City” character Samantha Jones of as “the ho,” and men who bottom seem to face the same treatment if they dare to openly embrace their sexuality. Sure, statistics show that the receptive partner is at a higher risk of contracting STIs like HIV, especially if the insertive partner is uncircumcised and ejaculates. But both men are responsible for taking the correct preventative measures to have a healthy, pleasurable sex life.

I’ve watched gay men who identify as tops verbally degrade bottoms like a pack of cinema stereotypical high school meathead football players. Labeling men who bottom as “my hos” when they were the ones having more random sex than their partners.

We have to stop letting people’s sexual roles be a representation on how we digest our brother’s character and reputation. We already have enough battles to fight with stereotypes that mainstream media and society label the LGBT community. What you enjoy sexually as a man does not define who you are, nor does it suggest how we treat each other.

Some men like makeup. Some men don’t. Some men wear fitted baseball caps. That same man can have a weekly manicure appointment. Some men are more feminine than others. There are far more than 50 shades of gay, and until we stop stereotyping and degrading each other it is only going to slow the process of social acceptance and equality. We all play for the same team.

Post written by JAYCE BARON at HIVequal