Love : Is It Harder To Find Lover After 50?
***Valentine’s Day is coming, so the upcoming posts will all be about LOVE. Love for younger, love for older, love for HIV positive men, love love love! Happy Valentine week everyone! <3
I have friends of all ages. Some in their early 20s, some in their late 50s, for me age doesn’t matter, as long as I get along with you. My ex BF was 51 when we split and I was 28… He was hot though, the fit sexy daddy type!
Recently I was having a conversation with some of my friends in their 40s and 50s and they told me that they were having a hard time finding love at their age. Some reasons they gave me were that many older guys are in a relation already, people judge them by their age, younger guys don’t like older ones etc…
I want to hear you on that. Are you a middle aged man and having a hard time finding love? Why?
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Dave
Yes I do find it valid that as us gay men age it gets harder to find a partner/mate. The gay community on the whole looks at visual more then substance. Being 49 and having my partner of nine years dying six years ago, I find myself looking for someone new in my life with no luck. Age is not a issue for me…I would date someone 20 years younger then me if it happened but it wont. No one communicates anymore and its more the instant fuck with no substance.
Its not just after 50… Its hard to find genuine love at any ago honesty..
So totally agree with them. Also, it varies by location and back grounds. Whether you are in a small city or big. Whether you are out or not. I find myself alone because of my situation having been married with kids and just trying to handle this new life.
Being a father in my mind is putting your own life on the back burner and put theirs a priority. Being attached to a deeply religious ex-wife and her family whatever I do still need to be in hiding.
Finding someone at my age (52)that would put up with that for a few more years till my kids are on their own is not easy.
I believe even without the constraints it is not easy to find love after 40 much less 50 because most people are set in their ways and having to readjust to someone else idiosyncrasies takes some times and maybe for some too much effort.
I’m very much attracted to men aged 50+ but damn it seems like all the ones in my area are over 300 pounds lol. I would love to find a silver daddy like the one in that picture lol.
IAMM JOHNNNY ANGELO AND 65 AND I JOGG @ BIKE , DO EXCURSE ALOT AND MY WEIGHT IS 13O MY WAIST SIZE IS 29 @ LOOING FOR A GAY FRIEND IN FERNSO CA OR EVEN MERCED OR MODESTO CA , AND YES IAM IN GREAT SHAPE TRUST ME , JOHNNNY ANGELO
@Dave – yes it is hard to find love when you are older. I am not quite 50 but I am getting there. I can tell you that I am just an ordinary guy who is loyal, an active listener and a caring person. Yet, this seems to count for nothing in this world. Do I have faults? Yes I do but I prefer open conversation and compromising so that we would both be happy. I do go out, I do meet people but nothing ever comes of these things. At times I suffer from a chest hurting loneliness so much so that i just cry with pain. I am looking towards building a house with multi rooms so that I would have roommates when I get older so at least, maybe, we can keep each other company as the sun begins to set on this life. But I have made up my mind already. Should I be alone in my 60’s and 70’s and the pain caused by loneliness is too much, I will cook myself my favourite meal, put on my favorite clothes, make myself comfortable and swallow a bottle of pills. I am not going to suffer. I suffered enough with being alone in my younger years.
Love is not easy to find if your young,old,gay or straight. You maybe a hairy bare or a shaved gym rat. Don’t look for love you will never find it. Be kind to others, Say hello get off the cell phone and look someone in the face. Be real, be honest and respect everyone. Keep an open mind and love will find you.
ive found love after 50; however, its by the hour. i get discounts for overnight visits. gotzda pay to play. snap crackle pop.
Is it harder ?!?! It’s fucking impossible.
That is so right no one wants you after you reach 50 or older and mostly younger guys start calling you pops, Sir, Grampa, etc they do not respect your feelings at all or they want to sell there body to you. Yep. I truly feel I will never find love and end up dying alone. I can not tell you especially this website a4a how many guys have deleted me or block me most I just wanted to say hello, have a nice day etc and I get blocked. I have lost all feelings of ever finding anyone in life.
I feel you my friend. I am 61 and I have not had a relationship since 2006. It was not the greatest but at least he showed me love. I had to cut him loose because he got caught up into crack cocaine. I had prostate surgery in 2013 and things are definately not the same. I don’t get the erections I used to and it is only if I look at some good porn or if someone is sucking my nipples. I get so frustrated that I have practically given up.. I don’t want to die alone either! But what is there to do? Joe from Delaware..
I’m not having a hard time looking for love as I’m not looking for it. As for gay sex, I’m always looking for it — and finding it, wherever I go. Last weekend in Phoenix, I had two hot guys in my bed — one younger, one older — one with his cock up my ass, one with my cock in his mouth. As a fit 55-year-old, I’m having lots of hot sex, sucked on a 19-year-old’s 9-incher tonight. thaddeus172000
I am turning 55 next week and I have had a great deal of difficulty finding love at this age. I am attracted to younger men and that does present some challenges. It seems that most of the younger men I have met are really looking for a Sugar Daddy, and while I do enjoy that role to a point, I am constantly being taken for granted and unappreciated for my efforts. Eventually, I have to end the relationship because I feel used and disrespected. Then, of course, there is the sexual aspect to being over 50. The body and mind are not always in sync. My mind says I can still keep up in bed with a younger man, but in reality, I don’t have the stamina, strength, or flexibility to perform the way I would like and that my partner is expecting.
I’m in my middle 50’s and my experience with younger guys has sadly been that we’re only seen as chicken hawk pervert trolls or plain sugar daddies that are only good for getting money out of. Love is an emotion that no longer exists in most people anymore.
No, it is not hard to find love after 50 because it does NOT exist in the gay community anyways!! All gay guys want is skype, cyber, or dirty chat. That does not even start on the HATE for older, if you are NOT young & cute & thin, & dance and drink all night at the clubs!! Not a hater, just stating facts! Own it!
I DEFINITELY AGREE,I have noticed peoples ads,profile,whatever.You get shot down without having a chance to be scene or heard.For example this easy famous one,no one over forty need not reply!!!So with that being said,WHERE are we welcomed and actually fit in.
LOVE: IS IT HARDER TO FIND LOVE AFTER 50? Yes, next topic. That was easy.
It is difficult to find love in your 50s. Any attention initiated by younger guys is usually for my wallet and not me. Guys my age that I’m attracted to are usually in relationships.
You don’t find love, love finds you. You shouldn’t be looking for love. If you are worthy of being loved others will notice. I’m loved by many. Does anyone go to a men’s homeless shelter looking for love? Many men, young, middle aged and old have a laundry list of requirements. Many are looking for someone that doesn’t exist or someone who would never want them. We all have our Dreamlovers. There are thousands of young good looking men on A4A who will never know or find love because they are effed up in the head. Lust or sex is different from LOVE.
I’m 34 and I still can’t find love. However, when I “think I found love” I always discover they had a bag of tricks or a motive. I don’t think it’s the age considering I like older. I could conclude the majority of people these days don’t want a meaningful relationship they just want one night stands or friends with benefits. As for myself, I think I’m pretty stable I work everyday, living in my own townhome, I drive my own car, I’m educated with a masters degree. At the end of the day how I vision my future other men don’t see it. So at the end of the day it’s just me.
If they weren’t all after guys half their age…
We all have age preferences and other preferences such as body type etc..there are plenty of guys 50+ that are able to land a bf and sometimes much younger…I find though that for many reasons age being one that the gay community can be so shallow minded about so many things for instance my being disabled in general is highly frowned upon by many in the gay community there I am single…my answer is that nobody should have to be alone for any reason but yes age and my example I used and many other reasons can make it a challenge to find Mr. Right
Yes it is harder. Since I was 45 it has been hard, I am now 57. I have never had an issue with age. It makes it difficult to find someone when the young want younger and the “middle-aged ” or older want younger. But I come on here every day and check out the members as well as the new members. Usually don’t approach first. But one day there will be one for me. Thank you Dave for all you do.
My BF and I were 45 and 57 when we started our relationship. We couldn’t be happier. We have had our ups and downs, but are in it for the long haul. Both of us are very successful, and many say, very attractive, but better than that, we have a deep emotional attachment.
Sometimes finding the “Right” guy is more the problem. I have plenty of guys that I could be in relationships with, but their not the right guy for me…
I am a 52 year old man living in a college town. All the college kids want college kids and all the guys my age want college kids, except me. In the good old days of cruising you saw guys in person and could make an informed decision. Today. It’s all on computers with age being the only deciding factor. Most guys you meet in here look nothing like their pictures.
As I near 50 5/26, I have to agree I feel totally like I am being judged by my age and agree with this article. Guys in their 20′-30’s to me have no respect for the older guy, they treat me like I belong in a nursing home.
this is very sad to me, as when I say hi , they ignore me, or think automatically I want to have sex with them Seriously.
I find it very hard to find love. I was in a 14 yr relationship that ended 12 yrs ago. I was 41 at the time. I left Boston to “find ME” And I did! I found I can do it on my own. Now, approaching 54. I am asked all the time…”why are you single?” All I can come up with is that Gays are obsessed with Youth and Beauty. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a young, beautiful man. But there is also something about a 50 something man with his Shit together that is SEXY as HELL!!
I have a 28 yo old chasing me. But I know it is only for the $$$. I am not into entitled young men that think just because the are young. They can charge for an older mans time. I have always worked had and focused on a great career. I am proud of my success.
Remember, cash and prizes are wonderful. But you can’t hug and kiss that! A healthy, meaningful relationship is PRICELESS!
So, If there is someone in the Tampa area that would like an interesting, 50 something man. HMU. LOL
I am 30 and I can’t find love, I truly do believe that it’s harder to find as you get older
The current climate of equality in things dealing with sexual orientation make this time a great time to be a hot older guy for young men to learn from. With the “Baby Mommas” and the “Baby Daddies” ditching on their kids has left a vacuum of masculine role models. Im having a great time with guys 30 years younger than myself,drinking beers,out to dinner,shooting pool, getting muddy playing in 4×4’s. And everyone pays their own way, no sugar daddy action going on, just friends for life and buddies having a good time.
Pj…you sound like my kinda guy! Peetc
I agree with what is being said ,I am 56 and you can,t find anyone that wants to have a true Relationship ,and if your not fit and trim you can forget it,come on guys ,we all have a Warm heart ,and you younger guys when you get our age we all get that wide spread ,and it seems their is a lot of one sided Sex everyone want you to do them but when it come time for you then the is a totally different story,the one night stands get Old real quick ,I myself am over them ,I want more for myself and am worth More,,,
Everyone have a Great Day
I’m 60 and am in love every time a younger guy has his cock in my mouth or up my ass. I’m not being sarcastic: it’s true. As soon as that beautiful cock is in one of my holes, I’m deeply, madly, totally in love. Yeah, yeah, I’m shallow.
Yes it is no questions asked. Gay death is 35 to 40 here in St. Louis. It’s worse if you don’t LOOK like a twink or have a body like Taylor Lautner did in Twilight. Then you have drinkers, smokers, and druggies. I find none of those things attractive in anyone. There does have to be an element of attraction and it’s obviously going to be visual. How you dress and present yourself are key things to me. You respect me I respect you. The gay community, as a whole, is very disappointing. A4A is pretty much a meat market if you’re under 35 or willing to pay and be a sugar daddy. I’m pushing 50 and the last relationship I was in ended in 2005. Gay guys are getting to be too self-centered which, to me, makes them not dating material.
“When I wore younger mans shoes.” (18 to late 20’s) as the poet once said. I enjoyed the pleasures of flesh with younger and older men alike.
Most young men my age (at that time) where of the ‘Meet, Greet, Cum and Run’ mentality (I have nothing against those who partake of this mindset then or now) just not mine.
In turn, I found older gentlemen (50’s & 60’s) more about enjoy the time share with me sexually, which I found very erotic and extremely pleasing both in giving and receiving sexual pleasure.
I always thought as a young man when the time came that the Muse of those erotic pleasures and passion given and received in my youth, that I would be allow the pleasure to share as the “Older Gentleman”… Sadly I was mistaken.
Finding a special friend to share with let alone someone to fall in love, was hard enough in my youth.
It is truly difficult to find after one has crossed that line in the sands of time.
I’m 26 and I easily find guys to sleep with. When it comes to sex, age doesn’t matter. If I like you, then I’m DTF. I have slept with 18yo guys and also w guys in their 60s and everyone in between that range, but I only date guys my age. So yes, it is harder to find love if you’re old because of guys like me.
I only like older men heavy set guys are hot the younger are full of fakes n drama hats off to all 50 + men I love all of you
Damn where are you? lol
I agree. Vanillatimes in Central NJ
It is difficult to find men in my age range for a long term loving relationship. I’ve tried online
, friends, and even a matchmaker. There are ways to men men, it is much harder to find one where the interest and felling are mutual. I’m a romantic and believe that a fulfilling relationship is possible and am open to the possibilities.
Maybe if the over 50 crowd would stop focusing their efforts on the 20 year old crowd and instead on men with whom they can relate to they might have better luck.
It might be if most of you weren’t looking for guys my age. (20-30)
Like I’ll have sex with you and maybe even fwb but we are at different places in life. Find someone your age and it will be easier.
It’s tough to find love at any age, but after 50 is definitely the hardest. I’m 53 and met my boyfriend 15 months ago. He’s 55. He connected with me on another site and I pretty much dismissed him out of hand. A year later he contacted me on different site. He had used a different profile pic so I didn’t recognize him, and later on I found out that he didn’t remember contacting me a year earlier. Long story short, we went met, had a nice dinner and then went our separate ways. We chatted online and a couple of weeks later we went out again…and the relationship started to blossom. For gay men, I think we tend to overlook people because they don’t fit our mental criteria of what we feel we have to have. If guys would just stop and maybe give somebody a second look, they might come to realize that the man they first dismissed is actually the one they’ve been looking for all along. At least it happened that way for me.
Yes it is harder to find guys after 50. Most gay guys are looking for younger guys. They block you and call you freak and pervert etc.
My consolation is that they will receive the same treatment as they get older. They do not think ahead. Hi
I’ve been gay for 40 years and have always been attracted to older guys. Now I am one of them and still find them to be the most sensitive and affectionate. My assessment is that older guys are the best lovers. Finding love is a challenge. Finding sex is never a problem. The secret is being yourself, accepting your lover as they are and expecting them to do the same. My lasting relationships as an older guy have been with guys in their 40’s and 50’s. I am 65.
Not at all: It’s all relative, and those with the unrealistic ‘expectations’ aren’t going to find anything.
There are also the ones that play the “poor me” crap, and they want to YOU to “cry a river” for THEM due to the fact that they won’t even attempt to get off their fucking ass and MEET PEOPLE IN REAL TIME!
Sitting in front of a computer monitor/tablet/phone isn’t going to get you ANYWHERE.
The internet seems to be a double edged sword to the gay community. Online “friends” can’t be touched, so that’s just a fantasy and some guys on here are FIXTURES and wonder why they can’t meet anyone? That’s a pretty easy one to figure out.
u think love is hard to find period! I m 42 n I ve n ever been the type who doesn’t get attention because of my looks BUT having said that it s all about sex….hookup apps have ruined dating n love….why shd anyone open up n be vulnerable to love if they can just have sex n leave. Almost every guy I ve met has some major baggage which keeps their guard up…or they have mental issues or some disorder that causes them to act a fool. no one dates n if they do it s usually v some guy I d never want to go out w. after I turned 40 I got called a daddy n it s not stopped. the guys hitting on me keeps getting younger n never from anyone wanting a relationship. so I do believe it s possible being older I don’t think it s plausible since sex is to easy to find n get. Being good looking or hot gets u noticed but it s no easier finding love if u are….in fact it may be harder…
While it may be true about the age thing. I’m 60 I find young and old want the dick but I can’t find what I want to even consider it. I prefer fems who are non flaming except in private. I like them smooth who enjoy passionate foreplay prior to sex.The more passible you are the better… not set in stone but please be smooth especially the chest and face.
The answer is on this site, the majority of guys from 18 to 80 want guys in their 20’s & 30’s
Also you asked about Love, and the first thing some of these guys go straight to sucking & fucking stories!
No its not, it maybe in the area u live in, if u r able to find a mature man, that thinks with the head on his neck and not with the one on his penis.
It’s not a problem for me. I’ve had more action over age 50 then I did when I was younger than age 50. True, it is harder to find nice guys out there but that’s a trend at any age.
Being an older guy 64, I find not only is it hard to find friends, but also it’s almost impossible to find meaningful hookups. As far as friends, most everyone is looking for young, cute, twink type guys, and that even goes for women as well. Once your old, not many people want anything to do with you, or me. However, older guys (and women) still need love, affection, friends, sex, and need to spend time together. I so wish people would disregard the age thing and look at the person, not the number.
Me a 42 year old Puerto Rican Poz undetectable guy..It is very hard to find love or even a date..Still a big issue about the age here in Puerto Rico. To me its all about a guy being open mind about hiv.. So I decide to let things flow without any expectations. And maybe met that someone special. I will spend Valentines alone..
I would say NO it’s not … but I think we get more picky the older we get. We know what we want and we certainly know what we DON’T want, and that may make it seem like it’s more difficult. I meet lots of wonderfully cute, sexy, great personality younger and older guys who I certainly would have dated 10 years ago, but now I scrutinise things a bit more thoroughly, and then they often don’t pass the test 😉 so, I’m happy to remain single for a while longer until I find Mr Right.
This is hopeful. Maybe when I’m 50 guys will stop trying to be in a relationship with me. That day can’t come soon enough!
I don’t think it’s impossible but your expectations have to be realistic. If you’re out of shape don’t chase after gym bodies. If a guy is under 40 and more than 10 years younger you probably shouldn’t be pursuing him for a relationship. Most importantly cast a bigger net, be open to dating outside of your type/preferences.
it helps if you accept the fact that you’re not 25 anymore
Finding love after 40 has been difficult for me. Part of the equation is that I know what I want and I am not willing to settle for something less than my ideal. I no longer have the patience for BS and I am very picky/articular when it come to men. Another part is that as a man of color who dates White men primarily, I am finding fewer in my age group who are interested in dating a man of color, or they look like death warmed over. A lot of men in my age groul (40 to 50) look like they have been rode hard and worn out. For that reason, I find myself attracted to younger dudes–who have their own issues. I have found that it’s difficult finding a younger guy interested in dating who doesn’t have daddy issues or isn’t looking for a sugar daddy. The ones who are interested in older men seem to want ot be treated like nothing more than a piece of meat, a hole to f*ck and nothing more.
I am in the midst of a thread where a 54 y/o questioned why I shave 15 years from my age, so this is very timely and germane. This is what I shared with him: gay culture is very ageist and shockingly racist. I am 62 and Black. It is my generation of gay men that were most heavily affected by the developing AIDS crisis in the early 80s. With advancing age, naturally even fewer of us are left. I have always been equal opportunity – and remain so. Age and race have never mattered, and I thank my parents for my for these gifts. I am a realist though. I know that 62 conjures up images of a fat, wrinkling, impotent man – absolutely none of which are me, so why subject myself to that additional judgement. It’s enough to have to deal with institutional racism each and every day. Sadly, many of these young ageists will not live to see 50 and beyond, life being what it is; they’ll never learn the error of their assumptions. Honestly, a number of my most awesome cock worshipping lovers have been 65+. So there!
I agree, It is harder at 50 to find a meaningful relationship. For me, I am the difference. I am not willing to settle for being in the affair with a married man. I am not willing to put up with some of the crap I have dealt with in the past. I had much rather be alone, than be in a relationship with a liar, cheater, or a thief.
All that being said, yes, I would still like to find the ONE to keep forever.
At 62 you bet it’s tough! I finished my last 3 years of college 74-77. through a daddy relationship in San Francisco. Had a great relationship from 92-2004, but He, was 11 years younger. I get hit up here and am blatantly asked will you be my daddy? Older gays owe our younger generations nothing. With my own experience I call the twins on the daddy game, I like cure younger men but not gonna get stronghold for their support.
Twins=twinks, and cure=cute. “Iam1954Me”
I would like to find in shape, attractive men 50 or over to play with, but they are few and far between where I live. Most guys here are too overweight after 40. Fortunately, I live in a college town and some of the college guys prefer older.
Reading some of the comments here really made me sad. I feel for the older gents. I don’t think its bad that someone is looking for someone around their age. I have had the pleasure of spending time with older gents in their 40s and 50s, but never have I once considered them sugar daddies. We always split the bill and I never asked any of them to pay my tuition. However, I admit I never looked at any of them as a potential partner. I prefer someone around my age not because of young and youth and all that, but because generation wise we would be closer in mentality. I am still in my 20s, still in school, and those guys have done all of that and are already ahead in their careers. You could say that they would be an excellent source of advice, and they are, but its not about just that. A relationship is a journey of discovery that I prefer to go through with someone else with about an equal footing in life, not someone who has done it all already.
Having said that, it frustrates me that the older gents I know are having a hard time finding a partner. It frustrates me because I think they are wonderful guys, very successful, very intelligent and very attractive and sexy. And its not like where I live is short on people in their late 30s and 40s…what are those guys doing, not seeing those gents ?
Its quite shocking to see some people say they’ve been called pervert and all that. Seriously ? This is absolutely uncalled for and our brothers in our 40s and 50s do not deserve any of that. I have been hit up by older men and I always say Hi back. I never think they’re perverts or freaks. This attitude is repulsive and disgusting.
Ha! Trying to find any connection in this “world” where only youth, beauty and big ripped muscles mean anything.
Can the gentlemen in their 40s, 50s, 60s, etc shed light on their experiences with other men of the same age range ? I am just curious to know. 🙂
I am 61 now. I’ve been on a4a for a number of years. Even around 45 I was being turned down because of my age. I am finding that not only this site but other sites as well, that the youngest looking for the young and the older is looking for the younger, so the older gets left out of love friendship partner. All I’m ever getting offers from is married guys, heavyset guy’s which I’m not into, or guys that just wants a whim Bam thank you sir
No it’s not hard to find Love or Lust at 50. As long as you stay sexy, health, well groomed and with a Hard Dick. The Young Guy’s love when they snuggle up under the Sexy 50 year old and give them this Daddy Dick.
Look at most of the 40 – 50y/o’s… Most are only interested in little boys to a max age of about 35. There is way too much shallowness in the gay community… body parts over hearts. I have an ad on A4A and at 45y/o I have a lot of 20somethings hitting on me as if we could possibly have anything in common. Love comes from the heart, not your loins and sadly that’s why so many gay couples don’t make it.
Totally disagree…I’ve just turned 61 and I’d say it’s better than ever before.Finding love and or sex has gotten much easier. I think because I way more comfortable my own skin…things just way better. I’m not particularly attracted to younger but I get offers from guys from all groups.
I agree with bill James about just be yourself. Don’t be worried about age and you will connect with people.I am a much better lover now that I’ve gotten older and I’m better at connecting.I stay in shape.And I try and have a sense of humor about the whole thing.So life is good sex life is good love life is good. Life in general is just really really good.
Oh yes it’s really tough finding Men to play with, let alone finding love after 50. I guess many of us who are single, have a rough time, since the dating pool is pretty shallow. There are more younger guys on social media, who are not looking for a guy old enough to be his Father, or Uncle lol. But what they seem to forget is that we have something that they don’t have, and that’s called experience fellas. Not trying to throw shade on you young guys, but there is something about a Man who knows what’s up. We can all learn from each other, the thing is we seem to look past each other, instead of at each other. Trust me there are many handsome Men of all ages who can open your eyes, or other things!
Must have read 15 comments before I scrolled down to this box; out of frustration with comments by men in their 40’s and 50’s, whining about how hard it is to find a date, love or a good fuck.
Dudes…really?
Men in that two decade swing from 45 & fierce to 55 & fantastic to 60 plus and silver grey rarely go dateless or single if they are bona fide tops. In today’s big gay life it goes something like this…the more top the better.
These same dudes are not in danger of being alone, discarded or left with the dredges for casual sex, dating and coupling; More often than not these same dudes aren’t attracted to men in their respective age group either. Typically, tops dick down younger men and sometimes way, way younger men which, I guess, makes them feel young and invincible.
Older men who are not tops have amazing prowess when it comes to snagging dick or ass on the fly. There are always willing candidates looking to…unload or get loaded…for free and without thought.
That’s not the problem for most single men no matter how old. It’s the deeper, more meaningful connections men long for that are difficult to quantify as men age. Furthermore, as tactile sexual response wears thin with age many men require some kind of emotional bond to take it’s place thus the “deeper connection” phrase one reads in many online profiles.
For those older dudes who are sexually appetite makes them verse tops, verse and/or bottoms life may become susceptible to the pitfalls of despair over the lack of viable candidates for dating, love and that deeper connection thing.
A multitude of at risk middle aged and older gay men are walking in circles and seem somewhat lost and that number grows larger each day.
Like Olivia de Havilland in the film “The Snake Pit” older gay men can fall into lockstep; searching, hunting and walking in circles while waiting a modicum of recognition from a prospective connection. And often, that possible connection isn’t interested because the “vibe” seems frantic or desperate. Moreover, there is no accurate data (that I know of) on how stress induced body language, telling micro expressions and fear pheromones can dissuade a prospective bow but they do.
And this older group of men are often trapped on this treadmill of recidivism that leads nowhere except those random sexual escapades in a club, a book store or behind that dumpster in their apartment complex…and again, after the one your servicing is done (7 minutes later) he splits with no discussion and you are left feeling empty as hell (sound familiar, aye, we all been there).
Hell, why not utilizing what you already know!
You want a man to find you attractive a.f. and appealing a.h? do what you do best.
Bust your ass at work, bust your ass at bowling, bust your ass on your space, involve yourself in something totally absorbing. That kind of crazed dedication starts to make you real damn attractive to some men and you might find
yourself attracted to them in return.
Every older man knows you enlighten yourself when you diminishing your man search, your boyfriend hunt, your ad nauseam and artificial need to be engaged to Mister Perfect. In doing so you free yourself of wasted time wondering, thinking about and getting horned up over something that’s not happening for you.
And if Mister Right doesn’t materialize after weeks, months, a few years of busting your ass? Well. Look at how much time you saved and how much crap you completed. Now write a book on how to organize your life and motivate others…
Reading some of the comments made me really sad, especially Janus. I’m a younger male into older guys and it’s tough for me too. I find that a lot of older guys want a fantasy and I’m just not down with that. Feel free to message me if any of you just want a friend… Distance doesn’t matter.
Yes it sure is. Unless you look like the stud in the pic.
I am now 53. When I was in my 20’s until about age 45 I often got hit on by both younger and older guys of various age brackets and dated much older and much younger and my own age bracket. I have always had plenty of gay friends –good friendships with younger and older gay men. My last relationship occurred when I was 45-50. He had to move for work and I decided to leave California and head to Denver to be closer to a relative and a better cost of living and enjoy the CO. I have not been interested in dating right now, but if the right guy came along then of course. But I certainly am interested in making new friends and that has been my main interest –to gain new gay friends in my new community. I am so disappointed in the character of the gay “community”. It seems online is just a meat market and it is not for anyone if your over 50. I don’t understand it as I take care of myself, stay fit, dress current, have a good education, financially stable, I am a good person and very out going and friendly. I care deeply for others. But I feel as if I no longer “”welcomed” in the gay community. If your are gay and you find yourself single at 50+, your going to find out real fast that there is a very negative attitude toward middle aged and older gay men. Strange because I have no problem making friends with straight people because of my age. I have even had straight women hit on me. But if you say hello online here to another gay man in his 20-30’s and you’re 50+, you wont even get a hello back even if they claim they are just looking for friends. It’s very shallow of our community. It gets hella lonely in the gay world once you’re middle aged+ ! Sad.
I’m noticing most older guys mentioning about the younger ones not being attracted to them. I notice that most older guys troll for the younger ones. Read the profiles, example a 60 year old posted that he’s looking for 18-35 because that’s the age range he has the most in common with. Really? And I’m an older guy. Its common sense. You probably did the same thing when you were younger too.
Love isn’t always where you look, but it’s where you find it.
I’m 55 and dismissed by some as too old and cherished by others as too good to let go and get away.
Never miss the forest for the trees that get in the way of the view.
Having someone to share your life with is something special. And being special is just being you. It’s not dictated by your age, your size or your shape. Instead it’s dictated by who you are not what you are.
Good hunting.
i found love on a two way street and lost it on a lonely highway. thats what happens when the speed goes from 25kph to 56kph.
Unfortunately it is true finding love after 50 is very difficult. Men our age are still obsessed with finding the young hard bodied pretty boys. If you stop to read most profiles they are looking for 20, 30 year olds. Its true that men of older age are not always up for the continuous all night sexual endeavors, or the all night parties and we may have other commitments that don’t always leave us available on a moments notice; however we still feel, love and want to share our lives with someone special even if it is staying home with someone over a pizza while lying in bed watching a movie together after a long day. Age is a just a number however you are judged by it..
no prob if you keep nearish your own age. i love supple hardbodied 20 and 30 year-olds but their appeal fades fast. the wider experience we oldsters (i am 58) can reference equates with a more chill understanding of people, behavior, psychology. i did with a 72 yr-old guy last night, and it was the most fun in the world. go figure.
Wow what a great post I have also been having a discussion with friends surrounding the same topic and it appears that in the gay culture especially men on men we don’t often embrace the emotional maturity,vulnerability or passion required to have a happy mature relationship with a stable guy. Additionally I agree with other posts regarding where one might live being out, social and religious conditioning all play such a huge role in forming one’s values around what love should look like versus what it actually is. Also you have to take into consideration guys that are 40 and 50 years old are still in the mind space of what it was like 30 years ago when it wasn’t so cool to be out in to be gay in so they are just arriving at a place of even being comfortable with themselves unfortunately. At a wonderful and youthful age of 46 I embrace and welcome a mate in either end of 40 and I hope that more people can arrive in this place because I think we all deserve to be in love and desire to be loved.
If you don’t respond to this particular Blog in a certain way they will sensor your response or wont allow you to post. What kind of shit is that?
If you got money of course Is not
I will agree that finding love at any age is hard. It is something you can’t look for but it will happen with time and I also think that when you start getting in your upper 40’s finding friends to just hang out with is also harder to find and reasons being. For those that have got divorced and starting a new life as a gay person are well established and not really out, may not want their kids to know, careers are on the line if they do come out. The younger gays think that when approached by a middle aged man they call them pervs and trolls and for this reason I don’t approach the younger crowds.
I have plenty of (straight) friends that are in their 30.s (I am 55) that we go 4 wheeling together, golfing, hunting and fishing as well as go to ball games and just hang out but would never do anything with them and they don’t know I love men but we have a good time together. As for the younger gays it seems they either want older guys to take care of them or they want you to pay to be with them.
I am not one of the older guys that has spread out much I am thin and somewhat fit and living in a small town does not help. My approach is I would rather have gay friends to do things with but if one of those friends turned into something more all the better whether that friend is 25 yrs younger them me or older then me doesn’t matter.
For the younger guys that think we are pervs or trolls all I can say is if you are still single when you hit your mid 40’s and up you are going to be in the same boat as the ones you are calling pervs and trolls.
Love at 50. It depends on where one is at 50. I have met 50 year old boys as well as 50 year old men. Let’s distinguish between the two.
A 50 year old boy is one who has never grown up. One that does not understand his life lessons are an attribute not a disadvantage. He constantly looks for what he calls love in a place where he is stuck in life, most of time during a period where he may have been a “hot boy” and has never moved passed that period of time. These types of guys are easy to see because they all have a few common traits:
1. they dress try to act younger.
2. they generally what to still hang out a clubs.
3. they are very insecure.
On the other hand a 50 year old man is one who moves through life excepting life for what it is. He is the one who is not stagnated. He accepts his age, understand his age and except his age.
1. He is not trying to live in the yester years but for today.
2. He is more refined, tailored and have serious swage.
3. For the majority of these men, they see youth as being a learning tool not a constant state of being.
It does not matter how one wants to break it down, one thing I can say is certain, if one does not know one else anything can be hard. We all have to be willing to know and love our self first before any one else can love us.
The question proposed here is a good one; however, superficial because one has to “dig deeper” for an answer.
Depends on where you’re looking. Online? Much more difficult. Seems to be split evenly between those who shun you for your age and those who fetishize it.
My advice? Put down the phone and step out into the real world. Volunteer for a cause that matters to you. At least you’ll find men with interests in common with yours. You’ll have something to talk about, and that’s a great start.
I kinda laugh at the younger guys who are put off by my age (53) when they’re not nearly as fit as I am.
YW and Js, thank you for proving the point. Young guys are just dicks, and not the good kind.
Kaliforniakation: You hit the nail right on the head & took the words right from my mouth sir. As I have said before, “LOVE” is nothing more than just an erroneous concept in the same sex oriented world. Everyone says they want it (love) but their actions, attitudes and behaviors are no where near indicative of wanting what they say. INSTEAD, we have the exact opposite.. men playing games with each other through lies, deception and other falsehoods.. Now you tell me.. IS THAT LOVE? Hardly..
Simply put, in the same sex world, “LOVE” is hard to find wheter you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond.. Why? Because “LOVE” (laughing at the thought of it) DOES NOT EXIST.
Thanks for reading and allowing me to share my view on the subject. GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL!
@Eric.
I’m actually quite a nice guy. However, I’m a realist. Do you really believe anyone my age wants to date someone at 40+? There’s probably a small nitch of non-daddy chasers not looking for $$ but it’s very small.
I think the better question is: You guys claim to not get sages but yet go after us youngins instead of dating guys your own age. The problem isnt us. Its you and your generation in which half of you haven’t grown up yet.
I am 22. I cannot mention how many older men preposition me for romance. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do but I, and so many of the youth, am looking for someone to grow with. Someone that in 10 years wont be in the geriatric stage of life. I’m sorry if the truth burns. It always does, but you need to know this.
A few years back – after 14 years together -I ended a relationship which had gone bad and found myself gay, 50 and single. My ex had put into my mind that I was old, out-of-shape and not sexy/attractive to anyone anymore – mostly as a reason why I should put up with his dishonesty.
I’d go out and be constantly rejected by people. I put up an ad on A4A and other sites and didn’t get much of a response. When I sent smiles and messages to guys, I was shocked about how people would go out of their way to say negative things. I felt felt lonely and unwanted.
Then I realized that I (and only I) had the power to make a change my life. I decided to become more like the men I was attracted to. I got myself back in the gym, signed up with a trainer, and started running triathlons. I told my boss that I couldn’t work 40+ hours a week because I was training for my races, and if that was a problem I would resign. I filled up my schedule with positive people and life building experiences. I took up yoga. I decided to stayed away from drunks and druggies and negative, bitchy people (which unfortunately meant that I had to keep away from most gay bars).
Although I have a healthy sex drive, I decided to focus on quality not quantity. I updated my ad on A4A and focused what I was doing in my life and the qualities that attract me to a person. I said that I wasn’t interested hooking up but would like to find someone for friendship and dating. I put up pictures of my face and me doing activities that I enjoyed.
The law of attraction states “like attracts like” Focusing on positive (or negative) thoughts brings positive (or negative) experiences into your life. Write down your goals and review them daily. Decide who you want to be and focus on loving and being yourself more fully. The universe will bring the rest. Stop looking for love, or money, or happiness – but be open when these things spontaneously appear in your life.
It took a little time and effort on my part, but my attitude and perspective of myself evolved and, consequently, my dating prospects improved. Did I still get dissed because of my age, looks, or whatever? Yes, but less and less over time – and when it did happen it didn’t hurt as much. I’m not for everyone and everyone is not for me and that’s OK. I focused on who I was and my life goals and everything else just resolved itself.
Been dating a hot guy for about a year now…. he’s a lot younger than I am and the sex is frequent, freaky and very satisfying. I keep my ad up, not because I”m looking per se but because I like chatting with sexy guys and seeing pictures of their dick and ass (call me a pig). I am open and honest with my guy about it, and as our relationship becomes more serious I might consider taking the ad down. Or not. Who knows?
Good luck… Be you. Abraços.
I find the opposite. I am 60 and get hit up online by men 30-40 years younger than me. I almost always turn them down. I have nothing in common with them. My bottom age limit is 40 and I prefer over 45. And there are plenty of them.
I wish all the guys here that good luck
I mean it in the nice and respectful way…
That only thing for sure is to keep trying
When someone say that you are to old
Put it the back” of head
This thing about your Not gonna find someone
I mean when is been said to you or etc…
Do not believe it!!!
For me old gay’
Is wise and very truthful in when the want (love)
Somebody…
Hope like when some read my comment
It makes a click”..
Say everyday I will find someone
To share my beautiful age (years)..
Read it again I WILL FIND SOMEONE
TO SHARE MY LOVE… Don’t believe in old age
You know I 39 yrs old guy with is love with a guy of late fifties
With been having or meetings ”
For like almost 13 yrs believe or not
The first time when I meet him we got together
For 3 times.. We lost contac for almost
4 years…and know we see each other
More often BUT GOD I FELL IN LOVE
BUT HE DOES’NT WANT A RELATIONSHIP (BOYFRIEND)
I don’t know why .. Yes I had ask in between
Conversations he told me not
God it hurt… But repeat every day that I love him…
You see he is old.. BUT FUCK OLD.!!!
GUYS YOU HAVE TO SHOW YOURSELVES
THAT YOUR AGE IS WISDOM!!!!
LOVE SINCERELY …T.
FROM LONG BEACH CALIFORNIA!!!
PS.THANKS DAVE FOR YOUR AWESOME
INFORMATION THAT U SHARE WITH US..
Call me crazy, but I have the best relationships with otherwise “str8″ guys who have been used and abused by bitches looking for a sperm donor. They sure in hell know what they dont want, and are up for a change, maybe a big change. Guys are guys, not rocket science. A beer and a blowjob when they hit the door after work does wonders to make their day brighter. Bitches are vain these days,kind words and some pointed cruising boosts the ego. Next time you see that construction worker looming tired, flash him a ” I want to fuck the hell out of you smile”, it works. Enough of the bitching, young gay drama queens are like vain skank bitches, ignore them and they will go away with eachother.
I certainly would like to find an older gentleman for love, but its hard.
I do not have a problem finding guys after 60. Sometimes they chase me. I think its how you see life, keep healthy and let the cards fall where they may. Personality counts alot. Just be yourself and someone will find you….
@JS: I was rather put off by the assumption that as people grow older, they become obsolete. The same can be said when you are younger (i.e. babies). Babies need to be taken care of, bathed, fed, etc. Especially in formative years/adolescence, the youth need to be shown emotional maturity, right and wrong, etc. It does take some effort to care for someone. I think you have a bias on old people, making it seem they are unable to take care of themselves. Love is not just about romance: it’s selflessness, empathy, commitment, sacrifice…just a bunch of things rolled into one. So yes, your mobility may be hindered when you get older (85+ yrs old), but if you truly love your partner then you buckle for the ride and care for them in what ever way possible.
Now…as for me, being a 30 yr old man, and having the great pleasure of meeting older guys (40+ yrs old) for sex, friendships, and relationships, older men are cool because they have wisdom and perspective that I may not have. I thrive off of that knowledge and wisdom. It makes me sad when a good sizeable portion of the gay community exhibit behaviors of exclusivity rather than being inclusive. That attitude definitely needs to change. I hope that this topic moves beyond conversation and makes its way to values amd behaviors people should consider and champion. Being a great human being involves listening and being relatable to all sorts of people and their issues.
Side note: I prefer to ride a good vintage model every once in a while ;)…that is my sexual pun for the day
IAM 65 LOOKING FO A GAY MAN WHO LOVE V TO SAHRE OUR LIVES TOGETHER , IAM IN GREAT SAHP @ IAM A 29 WAIST AND WEIGHT 130 L LOVE TO MEET YOU OR SOME OUT IN THE FRENSO , MERCED @ MEDESTO ARERA , JOHNNNY ANGELO
Finding sex is different than finding love, which in turn is different than finding a relationship. Some may be easier than others. And age is just one factor that affects success. Personality and appearance probably have more impact then age. I would suggest that being large/overweight our gay men’s community presents a bigger challenge than being older.
I have read many of the postings on this issue. There seems to be some confusion between love and sex. Love does not equal sex and vice versa.
When, you ‘know who you are’ + as some of my friends would describe me as (prude) but in reality, just intuitive, so, very selective; I out lived them, because of being cautious-selective. To me, “set in your way” makes you sound like a curmudgeon, perhaps some are; I’m pretty young at heart, but mature, adventurous-period, just not fool-hearty. So yeah, though set in my ways has preserved me! Personally as an African American, I’m on the endangered list, at the top of it, lol. Lonely, for the giving of affection-love and appreciation, well, things could be much worse, so, I’m left being grateful, that I’m in very good health (clean) and still have a good libido; that I enjoy myself, lol. Oh, well!