Survey : One Sex Partner VS Sex Buddies
Increasingly profiles indicate guys with partners are expanding their domains to include buddies! This pattern seems to fit with the concept that you may have a regular partner in bed most nights, but you may also have a stable of buddies to enjoy when opportunities present themselves for supplemental sex. When involving buddies, the matter of threesomes and foursomes may come into the picture too!
Sometimes partners display their relationships in joint profiles and at the same time open up their stable gates to include other hot guys who want to enjoy something extra. A4A survey results reflect the fact that variety is an important component to stimulating sex lives with nearly 60% of members. Even the monogamous members seem to be divided into two groups: 1) One partner and no other players OR 2) Partners who agree to let other guys into their beds.
Do you feel the need for more than one playmate at a moment in time, or do you prefer to maximize your sexual activity with one single playmate?
DAVID M in Texas
If I was in a committed relationship why would I want anyone else? That’s just asking for trouble down the road. Being single I like a wide range of guys and I do enjoy 3some every now and then.
Variety is the spice of life.
I’m not sure why so many gay men can, on the one hand fight to have their own non-typical (same-sex) relationships, & on the other decry others whose relationships don’t meet their standards.
If a couple (of any gender mix) choose to share additional lovers, or to allow their layers to have outside sex partners, that is between them. Every pairing is unique.
Jackie & JFK had a very open & successful marriage – but back then the media had the good taste to allow private matters to remain private.
For me, what makes a relationship work or not is honesty & trust. My first boyfriend cheated on me, being caught blowing a dude in our car outside a gay bar. Honestly. If he had come clean and not denied the whole thing – even after being confronted with proof – we could have overcome it. But his steadfast holding to his blatant, belligerent lie started a very fast down hill slide that ended us in less than 3 months.
I believe that how a couple achieves or maintains the trust & mutual caring in their relationship is their business alone.
I’m in am open relationship.
Though I love my partner, he is not able to satisfy my sexual needs. Therefore we have agreed to be open.
We have a small group of guys that are understanding of our needs, and it works for all of us.
Call me “shallow” or “immature” — I prefer to call it “liking variety” and “slutty” — I enjoy sex with many guys as much as possible. I love variety in my jobs, variety in cuisine, variety in literature — why not like variety in bed with men?
I loved my ex and didn’t need anyone more for sex. however he wasn’t of the same mind and was into cheating and even caught him having sex in our bed.
One on one is what’s best for me
I personally prefer one sex partner. However I am single at the moment so one or two very sexy, and clean buddies would do nicely.
Multiple, live is to short to eat just one dish at a time…
and really there is a huge difference between love and sex
ONE partner at a time. That way, I can get to know him/her, know where their buttons are, see if there’s anything there. PLUS, an added life-preserving bonus, if I poz up for anything, I’LL FRIGGIN’ KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM! Guys that have to get blasted by every dick in town don’t really have that crucial advantage…then expect everyone else to feel sorry for them. Sorry, fellas, ain’t comin’ from me…you screw up, your problem.
Fuck all this relationship shit. To much dick to be had. Yup Im a Hoe or what ever else you want to call me. But Im not hurting anyone. So its sex buddies for me
In my experience the best long term relationships were open and honest. Most guys are not into everything you are into and the other way around. Even if they are, the excitement to of another dude, other level of interaction is hot! No two guys kiss the same. No two suck cock the same. Likewise with fucking, top or bottom. Being honest about a hookup can lead to more good sex with a partner
One sex partner is enough. I want him to treat me well, but I do not need anyone else.
Gay, straight, married or single, I think it’s impossible for men to be in a totally monogamous relationship! Just my opinion. ..
If I was in a committed relationship, it would have to be with a man that would be OK with having other men join us from time to time. Be it a 3 way, 4 way or more way, we would have to agree on an open relationship. As long as we were playing together and not one on one separately.
I am in a committed ,yet open relationship. We are with each other for everything in life. I also have a very loving boyfriend for 18 months that I am in a monogamous relationship with. My husband knows and really likes this other man in my life. My hubby and I must be doing something right. We just took a 7 day riverboat cruise on the Mississippi river to celebrate our most beautiful 30 year “open ” relationship. So for those of you that have never had a long term relationship. Don’t say what you will and will not do until you get there.
I have had a few sex buds, I have been single for years, it has been great having fwb type of relationships, but even those get old. Relationships are better, the guy is there for more then a good time in bed. Even men eventually want a steady companion to spend life with.
in my opinion, longterm truly monogamous partnerships are definitely the minority in our community and I applaud those who are, kudos.
we are by nature adventurous men wanting a variety of experiences….as long as the partnered couple are in mutual agreement to the openness and sharing aspect good for them and it’s there relationship.
from a personal perspective, I have tried a “monogamous” partnership and every case, one or both of us cheated….so my view is tainted….I say “to each his own in the journey of gay life” and not judge others…..we get judged enough from others as it is, should be no room for that in our community.
I prefer to have one constant sexual partner, but I’ve had different buddies for a variety of situations I like. One where I could be dominant, one where I could be submissive, one more intimate etc.
I agree with Keith it opens the door to Trouble and resentment
Men come in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, sexual preferences, etc. Of course, then, so do their relationships. Some guys only want hook-ups. Some will go for hookups, hoping for monogamy. Some want monogamy and wish to date before sex. Some agree to monogamy but cheat. Some agree that their relationship includes sexual partners. Even in that last one, there can be variations; they may agree to have sex separately or together with other guys.
Who knows? There are probably other variations as well.
For sure, there’s no reason to expect that what works for “me” will be what works for all.
Personally, I like having ongoing relationships with a group of men. Sure, the relationships are sexual, but they are emotional and intellectual as well. I’m clear about what I’m seeking whenever chatting with new guys on this site and a couple of others. My preference has been met with rejections now and then. Fine. Their choice. But that preference has also brought great men into my life.
A guy should go with what works for him, be clear about what he’s seeking, and hold his guns until he gets the kind of relationship(s) he wants.
I’d be happy IF I could find just one good guy to be with . To have such a person and then desire to run around with a load of others , and the risks it comes with , just boggles the mind .
I agree with Keith on this. I was in committed (or what I thought was) relationship until he wanted to add another. needless to say it caused problems and ended the relationship, sadly He was the love of my life.
I don’t think the male species was meant for total monogomy. If you look at the animals, there are very few one to one match up, the male is usually spreading him self around to ensure his future. We have a thin veneer of civilization, but by and large men hunt. If you have the right relationship, sharing your bed could be fun. I learned along time ago that sex for love and sex for fun don’t have to be with the same person or persons.
Sex is the spice of life! I have been married to a woman for over 40 years and I have been fooling around for as long as I been married. One needs to spice up there sex life all the time. If I was married to a man I would hope he would be open to a 3 way or more. I would not do that with my wife though.
For me personally one sex partner would be ideal. To many variables out there when spreading one’s sefl around. However I am single so ond or tew sexy, sane, and clean Shortys would do this Dick very nicely
Stone.
I guess I’m a “creature” of our modern times: a gay guy who wants and likes and expects to have and does have lots of man-on-man and man-in-man sex. If I want to go to a gay sauna or a fuckbuddy’s orgy and have sex with five or 10 or 20 guys in one night, I will — and nobody can tell me it’s wrong, as it’s my life. Let’s stop the hating and judging out there from those who feel morally sexually superior.
Having had hundreds of sex partners over the years, I need variety in my sex life. I love the excitement of hooking up with someone new and exploring each other’s sexual energy together. For me, sex is a physical requirement and has little to do with love.
Multiple is good. Variety is the spice of life! Lol
I enjoy making love with a nice guy (or guy’s). I’m not in a committed relationship.Most of the guy’s that I have sex with are either Bi or are married, they seem to really enjoy the special times we have together, The guy’s that are out seem to me to just want sex and get off. That’s fine, but they just do not seem to really enjoy it as much.3somes can be fun if all the guy’s are working together to please each other. For now sex BUDDIES is my interest.
Yes, this is a hook-up app/site. No, committed relationship (marriage) means just that COMMITTED.
Why the insistence on re-defining that?
The more, the merrier. Guys who have just one guy in their life — well, they only seem to bitch and complain about the other guy, whether boyfriend or husband. Single, single and free, single and lots of gay sex — only way ever for me. I love to have as much sex as possible, whenever possible, wherever possible. Slut gay guys rule!
I’ve never had a 3some but I’m almost sure I wouldn’t enjoy it, too many bodies and too much movement going on
To me it’s not about monogamy, but honesty. If both partners agree, sharing is caring and will strengthen a relationship. Life is too short for vanilla everyday…
Why does this topic still need to be discussed?? Everyone has a different plan that works for them.
Many gay men don’t know how to date or even have a relationship. Hooking up is all they know and nothing beyond that. There are so many just hiding from who they truly are that they cannot even have an honest relationship with themselves so how can they have an honest relationship with another person.
Then there is the “open” relationship – funny it is always the guys that is financially better off or their is a partner that is physically less well off. Happen in straight marriages also.
I think it is what the partners agree on. If they both want to be open fine, if one wants to be open and the other don’t then they have to come to and agreement. My partner and I have chose to keep it between us for now but later may explore with others to join us. But I vote for buddies.
Have some fun,enjoy yourself,just know were to draw the line.remember sex is not love.
I think it’s what the couple agrees to. If they both think it’s ok, then it’s ok. If one thinks it is not ok, then it is not ok. I am the occasional third of a long term couple and I and they enjoy our hot times. Filius, don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. 3ways are really great fun.
Me and my buddy like to spice things up once in awhile by having a third guy. Wouldnt mind 4 or more guys for some group fun. I love adventure and to try some new things!
Can someone tell me what bars are best for meeting other bi curious or other guys looking for fun?
I had a sex buddies that always hits me up when his relationships end and we have a lot of fun 2-3 times a week. When he is in a relationship he believes in monogamy. His current BF has a small average penis. We still txt each other and he was talking about how hi loves his BF but his penis is not big enough to statisfy his desire. I talk with him saying he need to either deal with issue or end the relationship because if he did resolve eventually it would cause issues ending up with him cheating and the relationship imploding. He resolved the issue and they so far are still together. But it is an issue that can occur.
Men need sexual satisfaction and that is the main grip I here from my married straight friends. The first year and so on was great but after the first kid the sec was very rare and the pussy was all stretched and loose so when they did get it, it wasn’t any good. At least 75% of them had looked for sex outside at some point.
Many guys will chastise me for this but I get sex from a lot of married man many in there forties. The wife is in menopause and has no desire only place they feel safe is with a guy because no chance of surprise babies. The fact remains that depending on the person an open relationship may help. You feel a strong connection to the loved one but maybe sometime you want an animalistic fuck. Little more then masterbating with the aid of an unfamiliar ass
I have been in a committed relationship for almost 18 years. We opened it up about a year ago to outside sexual partners, and I’ve had many great experiences since then. My partner won’t engage in all the kinds of sex I enjoy and this new experience has added a lot to my own life. It also has truly deepened my love for my partner, since he has permitted me this huge freedom to play with other men.
My husband & I have been together almost 8 years, though committed it is an open relationship which makes our relationship strong. Together we still have the best sex together as we did 8 years when we first met. When we play separately, we always tell each other about the trist. We NEVER play together with a 3rd as we both have different likes in men.
Monogamy is the ideal. But let’s be honest. Men cannot do it. There is always another one that comes along and off they go sniffing their butt like an old hound dog. So there you are left by yourself. And you have to deal with it all. I’m 58 and I have never never met a man that don’t just do what I’ve said. It’s really a shame. Why I don’t follow that same route I can’t tell you. I don’t really know except how I was raised. There’s the answer. So thank you mom, dad, grandad floyd and grandma floyd. They are all gone but their values have stayed with me. I’ll see you again someday.
There’s an old 60’s song that says it all the best.
“If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with”
I would feel cheated if I met a great guy who I had chemistry with and someone was guilting me into NOT exploring what that connection with him could end up becoming. I also would NEVER want to limit someone I loved from experiencing the full spectrum of what life has to offer.
I’m confident in what I bring to a relationship and I make sure my guy knows how much I enjoy every aspect of him. Whatever I have with someone else doesn’t affect my feelings for him or what it was about him that drew me to him in the first place.
True sparks between two guys can be rare enough to encounter why on Earth would you want to limit your chance to experience that unique bond with someone if it does come around or limit someone you love from experiencing one themselves.
Sounds selfish to me and if someone is experiencing jealousy then YOU are at fault for not making them feel unique and appreciated.
I’m a slut. I actually prefer threesomes to one on one. I know what I like and any person I’m with in a relationship knows that up front.
I don’t care what people do but I wish we’d be more honest about it. Committed means that…you’re committed to one guy. So stop using that word and then add “but we’re open” because that isn’t monogamy and it isn’t commitment. You’re basically in a long term friend with benefit situation. And more power to you.
It’s not impossible or implausible to be with one person and it’s not rare or hard to find. Y’all are just a bunch of whores trying to pretty it up with fancy words. If you’re banging other people you’re not in a committed, monogamous relationship. Don’t play it like it’s not happening. If that works for you then awesome, I’ll be your biggest cheerleader. I just wish we’d be honest.
Nothing better that having sex buddies! Love the variety! When you love cock there is nothing better than experiencing different sized cocks, huge shooters, dribblers, threesomes, foursomes and moresomes! The more cock the better I say!
Its an odd paradox. In a truly committed relationship there should be enough love and concern for the other person that you do not ever want to limit who they are and you enjoy and accept all aspects of them, and that means all…better and worse to play upon the cliche. And that should be reciprocal. Inherent in that is accepting their desire for sexual variety and fulfillment, all-inclusive; and they should accept yours. All good so far, right…bingo: “open-relationship.” Not so fast. At the same time, there should be enough respect and value of the other that you do not want to create any sense of them being de-valued, dishonored, or placed in a secondary position, or create an opportunity for estrangement…thus, no “open-relationship.” That’s the paradox and value (and real challenge) of commitment — giving each other the freedom but each also making the conscious choice to not act upon it out of respect (and love) for the other.
First: For all those stating that this is the 21st century…go up! It may be the new millinium where u live, but many of us are still living in places that are still in the previous century! Posting a face pic can be dangerous! I’ve seen them show up in places that u don’t want them to.
Second: get real! This is not a site to find your true, ever lasting love…this is a hook up site…if u don’t understand the difference go somewhere else.
Third: most everyone on here is looking for that “guy” from most porno vids. It ain’t gonna happen! Most Guys on here are just every day guys looking for some sexual fun and relief.
Fourth: what ever happened to common courtesy? I always tell someone, when we meet if you don’t like what u see fine! Guess what, that works both ways. I’m a big boy and realize that we may not click. No harm done if you’re not interested after we meet and will not get all huffy if you’re not turned on! On the flip side: I’ve meet a lot of guys that turn out to be fine gentlemen and we have some fun together, even if we never get together again. Haven’t yet met someone that had that “movie star/model” look, but were very hot.
Fifth: not everyone on here is gay…this isn’t a protected site…anyone can get on…even those trying to do harm to innocent guys just looking for some fun with another guy! And believe me: if you’re outed in many, many communities this can cause immeasurable harm and heartache!
I guess what I’m trying to say is…grow up! Practice common sense, courtesy, and stop disrespecting other guys b/c of age, sexual preference, sexual desires and privacy concerns.
For the last few months, I’ve asked myselmmyself why I’m on a4a. Sure, being desired feels good but after its over, there’s no one to come home to, to experience life with. At this point, I rarely meet up and really prefer to be in a relationship. I would cherish the monogamy, but I’ve not met anyone who feels the same. Maybe that’s just here in Nashville?
I never did feel the urge to stray when in my 32 year relationship. Neither did he.
We had friends that had “open” relationships, and we didn’t understand it or the reasons for it.
Up until the day he died from a deadly heart attack, I could hardly wait to get off work and get home to be with him. He was the same way with me.
An aunt took me to Europe for a month…and I quickly became miserable because he wasn’t there. Missed his smile…missed our conversations…missed his hugs…missed falling asleep next to him.
Maybe we were just different than many gays in some way.
I am in a relationship. We are on 22 years and the love we have is far more then I see in most relationships these days. It is called RESPECT. Something happened health wise and it took away the sex life for us and I still don’t and won’t go out and get it on the side. Think about how that would make the person I love feel. I know most of you would just dump his ass and go find someone else. Well I love him and though he is on this website I am the lucky guy who gets to share his heart and time each day and night. I find it rude how people think I / we are on this site and just assume we are looking for sex despite what our profiles say. Some of us have love in our hearts with a special person and that trumps sex. Some of us actually do want friendships without benefits. I know I am not alone but It sure feels that way. This is why I stick with the guy I love even without a sex life.