Health : SIX Positive Life Changes That Comes With HIV
AN EXCERPT FROM A POZ MAGAZINE ARTICLE BY ALEX GARNER, THE FOUNDING EDITOR OF POSITIVE FRONTIERS WANTS AN HONEST CONVERSATION ABOUT LIVING WITH HIV
Receiving the news that you are HIV positive is life changing. Some people experience profound fear and shame upon hearing the news, but they don’t have to. Let’s stop scaring negative men about the “woes and wariness of living with HIV” and instead have an honest conversation about the complexities, good and bad, that accompany living with HIV.
HIV is not like serving a prison sentence and HIV-positive individuals don’t exist as walking prevention messages. It’s time to stop cultivating fear in HIV-negative people and instead provide spaces where both positive and negative men can live authentic lives and determine for themselves what is best for their health and wellness.
These are six life changes that come with a diagnosis:
Number one
Never getting another HIV test again. This might seem rather mundane, but it’s a biggie. For so many gay men, the experience of getting an HIV test is still filled with anxiety and fear. One reason may be that prevention messages have been telling people that HIV is like a prison sentence. I still recall the handwringing I experienced when waiting for my results. Now there is a sense of liberation knowing I’ll never have to go through that again.
Number two
Growing old. Sure, many of us aren’t looking forward to wrinkles and gray hairs, but living a normal life expectancy while HIV positive is something few of us allowed ourselves to imagine. The scientific advancements in HIV make it possible for us to grow older and stay healthier so that we confront the numerous structural issues that prevent everyone in our community from enjoying the benefits of good health.
To read the rest of the article go here.
But come back here to leave your comment 🙂
Dave
It’s weird. There is so much advancement in medicine and nearly-there cures, but it seems like the majority of hiv+ people are still dealing with the emotional trauma of living with the virus. Telling someone that there are good things about having hiv is a little insensitive, but I understand what the author was trying to do. Humour, upbeat attitudes and looking toward a more pleasant future is a way to battle hiv stigmas. It’s like when my friends tell me to stay positive. I say “I don’t know how I could BE more positive” hahaha.
Our gay culture is housed in shallow morals and physical asthetics. Hiv is a real issue that requires maturity, care and compassion; things that we as a whole don’t try very hard to invest in. So I can see how the article comes across as a little insensitive.
This was a ridiculous article. Should I go get pozzed up for these trivial reasons? Let me get infected so I can have the peace of mind of not worrying about an HIV test…
This is already the mentality for some people and promoting it as if it’s a remarkable thing is disgusting.
Ethan: this article is more about trying to find a positive view on the subject. Funbny how All the pox guys find this article awesome, and all the neg guys are bitching. Oh and about your other comment, I deleted it, no tolerance for that here.
THANK YOU for being so brave and wiring this! “Honest Conversation” is the greatest way I have ever heard it worded. Let’s talk about FACTS and not social scare tactics! AWESOME!
. . . changes that come (not comes) with HIV.
Plural come, singular comes.
Are you serious?
You can’t be serious.
These are no up side to getting an incurable disease.
“Well, hey, you never have to get tested again!”
This article is garbage.
I am sorry, that is a bunch of nonsense to me. I have not experienced any of that
how stupid is this to promote hiv pos as great life changing exp. It’s called sickness and death promote to stop the disease.
Nothing like glorifying HIV…
Still have to get tested.
Have to “warn” potential dates.
No big deal…really?
Live longer…then the people who were on AZT thirty yes ago, sure. But you can also walk across a street and get hit by a bus.
Less anxiety…now you don’t have to worry about catching it, just the appointments, meds, long term effects, financial burden.
What a great, feel-good article…
This is all true, but not in today’s real world. Not enough enlightened people, poz or neg. The stigma is still great, don’t know what it will take to get being poz in perspective.
Honestly after 24 years, being HIV+ has just become part of my core being. The first 10 years was a horrific period of almost constant minor medical issues and reactions to the medications that ranged from being of minor note to full blown side effects that were life altering events.
Now it is just a matter of taking care of myself. The medications have few side effects and they are manageable.
Does being HIV+ still rule my life? That would be a no/yes answer as there are most days that I am good with only a few what I would call bad days sprinkled into a year. That is called medical progress.
Is being HIV+ a life altering event? It certainly has been for my generation. I now look at it as a long term manageable medical issue while 20 years ago, my view was totally different.
Maybe it is just me but the article sounds more like an advertisement to go get HIV so you don’t have to worry about getting infected. Is the message to go out and get everyone infected so HIV is no longer an issue? It IS a big deal. I don’t want to have to pay for meds, either preventative or to keep HIV under control. Be real,good or bad, there IS a stigma to having HIV.
I was diagnosed positive almost seven years ago. I’ve been undetectable for most of that time. I’ve taken Atripla for almost seven years now, with the only side effect of crazy dreams for the first 14 months of taking Atripla. I’m healthy, mentally and physically and emotionally. I wish I weren’t poz, but one can’t turn back time. I accept it and move forward.
Thank You So Much Dave !
As a poz guy i totaly agree with the article and applade you publishing it here..We need to stay in engaged as it concerns all of society not just LGBT community..Maybe in the future we can see HIV as just a common health issue not a death sentance..I for one am blessed in comparison to people suffering from cancer or other diseases..I take one pill a day and i dont know that im HIV poz…Thanks again Dave for printing this article..Your the Best !
Well I clicked on here to read the rest of the story and guess what? Sent me right to a gay web site. I guess one hand washes the other as they say.
I for one feel that dating(hooking up) a guy who is Undetectable is far SAFER than dating a guy who had a negative HIV test three weeks ago, and has had sex with 5-10 guys since and still claims that he is Negative! Undetectable and on meds has now become the “New Negative”.We are still reading countless profiles that claim they are “CLEAN” and DDF, as if Positive and undetectable men do not bathe. I truly feel that hookup sites should remove that status from the list and allow responsible men to ask their potential partners what their status is on their own. And if one is in doubt and fear of catching the dreaded GAMBOO, they should just use condoms period. The amount of men who lie about their weight and age, post photos that are five years old and so forth is amazing! What is to stop them from not telling the truth about their status? We all want equality, but refuse to be kind, truthful and good to one another. Personally, I am more afraid of the PNP issues on the profiles…
Awesome article and I agree with everything the author said. I was diagnosed in early 1988 and for the past several years have been undetectable. It has not curtailed my life one bit and I no longer fear it. Early on, I adopted the attitude that “it” would not control me but I would control “it!” I am now 62, healthy and whole mentally. I sometimes forget that I ever had HIV….
Having HIV/AIDS is a big deal, I have been living with it since my friends and lovers began dying in the 80’s and my own diagnosis in 89. I don’t understand the mindset that you can just go merrily along and take a couple pills. These meds have some serious side effects, too many to list. He doesn’t have anything to say about losing nearly your entire peer group to this disease, not something I would wish on anyone. Dating? with all this ddf and ub2 crap! Give me a break! Come back to reality.
So fucking stupid. Like PrEP guys.
Re-Tarded: see that’s the kind of stupid comment I don’t wanna see here.
So please make sure you don’t write anything next time.
It is very hard trying to find someone period when u even. Say u have hiv they say sorry for u and run as fastas they can i know this remark. Is bad but it would so easy if all the gay men had it then maybe they would know how it feels. Just because u are postive
I totally agree with this article, there are so many wrongs in society today that pit us against each other as is. We as a gay community have over come so much and with all our victories we still have so much work ahead of us. As a positive man myself in Milwaukee, I’ve noticed that the younger crowd are more open to HIV men then the older men. Its sad that the youth show less fear of contracting HIV where as the older men with castrate you for even looking at there profile because your HIV (as if me looking looking at you profile is going to make HIV positive). I hope that our next goal as a community is to work with the HIV community and not against it. As my mom used to say “we are a family, we may not agree with you or your choices but we definitely have no right to judge you for them. Nor should we disown you either. Family has to stick together or what’s the point of considering you as such” sort had to make it sound a bit more profound. I’m Latin but English is my main language. But anyway life is about Love, Kindness, Accomplishments, and acts of true Compassion. HIV will jot take my heart away nor my respect towards others. HIV to me is a joke and boy do I laugh everyday because crying or fearing it everyday would kill me sooner then HIV will.
So smile and be happy HIV is already in your state because yes the fears gone but now you can stand up and say “I’m HIV positive and I still respect myself and those around me” can you say the same?
Coming from a person with HIV, this is a stupid list. Not many positive people would say they have had a better life dealing with it. I think someone would rather have the anxiety of getting tested than to constantly deal with the doctor visits & the prejudice that people still have with hiv. And thinking that its not such a big deal is stupid. You can be the sexiest, smartest, and most out going person in the world, but it still gets old getting rejected for having something most of us didnt sign up for.
It is what it is at the end of the day and people learn to deal with it. But saying that positive things in life come from having HIV is a stupid thing to spread around. THIS IS NOT A ARTICLE THAT SHOULD NOT BE PASSED AROUND ITS GIVING NEGETIVE PEOPLE AND PEOPLE UNEDUCATED ABOUT SEXUAL DISEASES A FALSE SENSE OF LIFE/REALITY LIVING WITH HIV.
As a consequence of my HIV diagnosis, I sobered up. Now, that really changed my life for the better. So, thanks HIV, for the gift of sobriety…8 1/2 years now…
The article is so true. Being HIV undetectable for over a decade, I value relationships even more now than when I was negative. I live a normal life like anyone else, except with a little less stress than before.
Amen!
HIV may not be the instant death sentence it once was, but we need to stop acting like it’s no big deal. HIV is not something to be so nonchalant about, and acting so carefree about it isn’t going to help put a stop to a preventable disease. We should do more to stress the seriousness of the disease instead on trying to sugarcoat it. Everyone talks about ending the stigma of HIV, but let’s also do more to try to end the virus altogether, not making it sound so glamorous!
I am HIV neg. As a human being I can get HIV, cancer, have a heart attack, get alzheimers, etc. In short, the stigma against those with HIV is ridiculous providing they are taking responsibility, as any person should with an illness of any sort. We are all subject to just about anything including poisoning from toxic waste, etc., etc., We all need to come together, be responsible and love one another. My heart bleeds for those friends I lost in the early days…as it did when I lost friends to cancer, etc. Life is life. I believe we all need to look deeper inside and let our hearts be free…maybe we would see more love and less randomness. I’m going to love the man from his heart. But also it seems like HIV positive men are at times afraid to love and believe that they can be truly loved back from a negative man. Not in my case. We are all the same…flesh and blood..with different characteristics, strengths and weaknesses. I’m not giving up on my goal of love. I am Codextc on line in Florida, with a heart and a passion for truth, monogamy, and old fashioned love. That’s me. Others have different views. But my point here is that we all need to respect one another and not think we are better because of looks, shape, penis size, status, etc. The worst thing we can do is alienate each other. I have never come across so many angry and bitter men b/c they are afraid. Why ?? No need. We all need to take a reality check and move forward. The worst thing is that any one of us could be gone tomorrow and behind us will be many people who suffer for the loss…that is the reality. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Can’t love another unless you can love yourself first…that’s a fact..so we have a responsibility to reach deep inside ourselves and come away free, and celebrate that instead of sexuality. Come on men and women..let’s do it !!
As a pop undetectable man since 2008, I agree with many of your sentiments. But to be fair, depending upon your income and more importantly health insurance the financial burdens of meds, follow up labs every six months, and also preventative tests for bone density, etc. The picture you describe I think is a bit incomplete. Even the costs for prep could vary based upon health insurance and most gay men do not have an extra $1000/month just for Truvada floating around.
I for one can’t get an accurate estimate of my drug costs (Stribild) when I hit Medicare in 8 years. It won’t be the $40 monthly copy offset by Gildead’s assistance plan because Congress doesn’t allow Medicare to negotiate with drug manufacturers and those plans don’t allow these cards. The fact that we are still in a majority with ever increasing costs of the Medicare program don’t bode well for any fix anytime soon. I’m blessed to have saved a lot and will retire at 60. I’ve had to budget $16,000 a year for my health costs knowing the various insurance exchanges and lack of govt support for anyone with a non-poverty level annual income as it stands today.
I would also venture to say that overall a poz undetectable individual is very concerned in general about their overall health – eating right, not drinking in excess, getting reasonable exercise, etc.
I gave up my Manhunt account years ago when they refused to offer undetectable as an option as I am honest in my status. I applauded A4A when they and a few other sites allow that option.
And yes, my doctor told me not to spend my retirement monies as I will likely live a full and long life. It is that group that for whatever reason cannot hit or maintain undetectable or coinfected with Hep C that may be an issue for a reduced lifespan.
To me …hiv will always be hiv …we can’t decorate it any other way ..we have become more aware of it and even learnt new traits of this disease. I believe the only two ” positive” things we have ever learnt from hiv is
1. Practice safe sex
2. Being faithful to one person
After I found out I was poz, I was depressed for a year or so. I’ve now got a handle on it, and hope someday there will be a cure. I am fortunate to have the best doctor in the universe, who has been there every step of the way, and a case worker who knows the ins and outs of treatment and health plans. I’ve been supurbly blessed with wonderful help.
Applaud the article…but now we need a serious open discussIon on HIV and the false stigmas it leads to. I am neg, and am SICK of seeing other neg people treating poz people like pariah…I have no problem dating or hooking up with a poz man, but I am educated enough to know what is/isn’t ‘safe’ to do. I have always been HIV neg, and have even hooked up without a condom. It’s sad in this day and age with such great access to so much knowledge that so many neg guys are SO negative to our poz brothers.
John S: thanks, at least I’m happy to see that there’s people like you out here 🙂
I think moderating comments is wrong. You post a blog and everyone has an opinion they should be free to give. I don’t agree with that article in a little bit. I am a healthcare provider working with HIV population, I do place my patients on PreP but I keep stressing the need for condom use even with it. My poz pts still get viral load test, my patients suffer from depression/anxiety. So this while I see the author intention but I think it’s very misleading.
Blackjack, I’m posting every “polite” comments like yours. I don’t post comments that tells us or other members that we are trash and this and that. This article was ment to be discussed and I’m glad I posted it
I subscribe to Poz News from which this article was taken. Overall the six positive changes that come with HIV is utter, unadulterated bullshit.
#1 never having to get tested again & the anxiety associated with testing. Wrong on two counts. First, any anxiety associated with testing is directly the responsibility of the person being tested. There is NO anxiety from safe sex practices short of being drugged and raped. Second, poz persons are tested regularly for the rest of their lives for such things as viral load and CD-4 counts which create far more anxiety.
#2 Growing old with HIV and new treatments. Researchers have barely scratched the surface about the aging process and HIV. Preliminary assumptions and anecdotal evidence suggest early onset for the aging process, multiple presentations, and rapid progression of conditions associated with growing old. Yes it is no longer a death sentence for most. But some experience life altering side effects and for others the meds simply don’t work effectively. The costs of meds and the boundless profits reaped by drug companies is a whole other story.
#3 dating dynamics. Some in the Gay community stigmatize poz people to this day. That’s our own fault. The notion the poz people becoming walking educators on the subject seems unseemly. PrEP is bullshit and akin to having chemo and radiation treatments to prevent getting cancer.
#4 Regular doctor visits as an opportunity to promoting one’s heath and developing personal relationship with health care specialists. Ask a cancer patient if they think this is a positive.
#5 Freedom from anxiety would suggest that HIV is inevitable because we are gay and sexually active. That pretty much kicks 30+ years of promoting safe sex practices in the ass. HIV is not air borne. You don’t get it because of bad luck, you get it because you made bad decisions about your sex practices and health. Think bare backing. You are responsible and accountable, not some evil genie deciding your fate and status.
#6 HIV is no longer a “big deal.” Tell that to a newly diagnosed poz person or a survivor of 30 years. HIV is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. It is life changing and without a cure permanent. A life time of costly meds, a constant anxiety that the meds may stop working or an immunity to the meds develops or you can no longer afford them, a constant toll on liver and kidney functions, stigmatized by the gay community for disclosing it, discrimination by employers who discover it because of health care coverage, the need to disclose this status to every medical professional who treats you for other conditions even a dentist: these are all big FUCKING deals.
This blog posting is insulting to those living with HIV and those who practice safe sex. HIV is first and foremost avoidable. It is not inevitable because we are gay. There is nothing positive about an HIV diagnosis and any one who suggests there is, is a total, complete asshole.
Lee : anything else mister-know-it-all?
Some of the negative, mean-spirited, negative reactions to the article take my breath away — literally. I’m here with my mouth open, my breath actually taken away. So much for the so-called “gay community.” Dave, thanks for presenting the article and posting the responses — it is greatly appreciated. Let’s all try to show respects for others and ideas.
I was about to take a flame-thrower to the author and this b.s. article but so many beat me to it. Upside to having hiv? Smdh….and I’m not even poz.
I have read a lot of articles on here that made me go “wha…?” but this one took the cake. HIV is still something that is not meant to be taken lightly. A chronic viral infection, even if controlled with medication, still can impact the body and cause long term issues. The meds are no day at the beach either. This article is written for a audience that has access(for the most part) to better care than most people do and glosses over the harsh realities that a lot of HIV positive people can face. Is living with HIV easier than it was 20 years ago? Absolutely. But the positives listed here are trivial at best and re-enforce the notion that HIV is a “take a daily pill” infection.
The sad hard fact is that if we want to truly fight this disease, don’t have sex with people who are positive and always wear a condom with people who say they aren’t. It’s harsh and certainly not PC, but we’re talking about an incurable, potentially deadly infectious disease, not your annual flu shot.
Wow, what a great article! Now I know never to use condoms anymore and go get myself pozzed! Thanks for the advice 🙂
scott: right, not super smart!
Anecdotally speaking, my two close friends who have been positive for many years have both told me at various times that becoming positive ended up being a net improvement in their lives once the got over the initial trauma. One quit drinking, smoking and partying, added a work out routine and is in better health now than before. The other is five years older than me and routinely kicks my ass at our softball games while maintaining the body of a man half his age. Both have also told me that although it is harder to find someone to date, when they do they know they have a sincere loving partner. I do think the idea of letting people know that HIV is not necessarily a horrific experience and for many people with access to good health care is little more than a minor inconvenience is a fair and important point. If the gay community can get over the trauma HIV caused in the past and just work together to insure that every one gets tested and has access to good healthcare, we could eradicate new infections in under 10 years according to the CDC. Drop the judgement, learn the new facts and be part of the solution. It’s a monkey virus, not Gay Godzilla
lets just face it u have hiv your stuck with the stigma of plain and simple all this trying to change people is kinda dumb all it is doing is makeing it worse thats just my opinion and it is a infections disease what do u want people to think i mean come on now
What self-serving, egocentric bullshit. And your headline alone trivializes HIV, and no one needs encouragement to contract it. I am seeing way too many men under 40 who are either HIV postive, or don’t know or don’t care. It may be less likely to kill you, but it still wrecks your life, and that affects other people, too. And if you force the rest of us to use PREP to avoid getting it from you, then our lives are also affected. All medications come at a physical cost. Are you so sure you can handle it? And how can you handle encouraging others not to worry about it?
THE ARTICLE IS WRITTEN FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY POZ, and tries to give a bit of tongue-in-cheek perspective other than the usual gloom and doom.
No where is it advocating that negative people go out and convert, no where is it saying that anyone is better off with HIV than without. It’s just pointing out in a lighthearted way that for many POZ people the days of thinking every sneeze may signal the end, or that it’s more likely we’ll be planning our funeral rather than our next birthday party, are finally over.
Unfortunately, in the end it seems it’s yet another example that reading comprehension is a skill that many people haven’t mastered.
Whateva: thanks for your comment, I feel the same as well
Lee, You brought many good points that the blog master does not appear to agree with. I enjoy discussions, I am not an expert but I do have my opinions. I have open discussions with my Dr. who states there is a group of young men actively attempting to get infected. I would love to know what the author actually intended the message to be. I tend to read what is written.
Dennis: “Blog Master” lolll
Yeah you read what you wanna read and it’s ok. Re-Read it and imagine that you are a poz man who just got infected and that you are super depress that you just learned about it. How is it now? Do you see it in another way? Like I said, I think that this post was written by the author to enlighten the spirit of the poz guys who see everything negative. Now you can have your opinion and it’s ok…oh and this article is not about bug chasers no. You have no idea how it is not at all related.
Being HIV+. I have to get testing done t least twice a year to know y levels. And know if the medication is working. You’re not articulating it correctly I. That, the results won’t be a surprise. And that’s what made me disregard your opinion on the subject.
I’ve been POZ man for 24 years. I’ve been extremely lucky that all the different drug regimens have worked for me without any complications or bad side effects.Health wise I have been a total success story. But I will NEVER forget the day my doctor gave me the news that I was positive. It was like I instantly crossed over a line and would never be able to cross back. It totally changed the way I was able to picture dating seriously forever. I remember people making pariahs out of people who were POZ. Few people wanted to date someone who was POZ. It created a whole new category for being on the “down-low”. Only now it was about HIV status. I remember many in the gay community who would support red ribbon events for AIDS research and then whisper about which guys to avoid that were alleged to be HIV positive. It was not pretty and still is not. Look at any hook-up site and read the profiles which refer to “be clean”, “Bug free”, and “HIV Neg UB2”. Being HIV POZ is still no picnic to navigate socially no matter what people might say. I am safe with people I connect with, but in 24 years only TWO people have ever asked me beforehand if I was POZ. People don’t want to know. We’ve still got a long way to go. But if I could magically cross back over to the Negative side, I would in a heartbeat. The article was ridiculous in many ways, but I do think it opened up some great conversation.
Um… The last paragraph… The second clause in particular…. Why?
What an idiotic article! When I was diagnosed it was life shattering and so life altering that I often wonder what stopped me from letting go of the steering wheel while driving back from the Dr.’s office as I went over the causeway bridge. I was done for mentally and physically. I knew where it came form and he could not have cared less when I confronted him. Then the horror of the local Health Department calling since they were notified and I told them under no cisrcumstances were they ever to contact me again for any reason. I did not want some governmental agency in my private life, especially now. I have kept the diagnosis hidden and secret from nearly everyone. It’s not their business. I dont want to be shunned or feared by co-workers or abandoned by peopleand YES that horrible stigma is there just has it always has been . Gay people are the hardest on their own kind when HIV is involved. I have seen people walk out of good friends lives because they found out their one time friend is now POZ. The stigma is very real , the hurt it causes and shame is very deep. The resentent is monumental and the fear is crushing. You lock yourself awaybehind safe doors, You live on line and never meet anyone any more. I am now approaching being a Sr. Citizen and I say without hesitation that because of the loathing, fear and disgust from the gay and straight communities combined, I have moved back to the closet. Not a matter of choice, but a matter of self survival. I am a good person,a caring and kind person and I don’t deserve to be shunned, feared or hated by anyone straight or gay. Oh and again, this article disgusts me.
Rob, sorry if the article disgust you, but your choice to go back in the closet, to hide and be angry at everything and everyone is what disgusts me. Sometimes I feel like some poz guys are going back in time where nobody accepted any positive people. Why not live your life and enjoy it even if you are poz and don’t give a shit about what others think? Do you think someone who has cancer wants to stay home and hide from the world after recovery, even though the cancer might come back? No. Why would you hide and think that you are less and that the world hates you? I personally have many friends who are poz (I would say 10-12) some older, but some my age, super healthy, some gorgeous with model looks, some sporty and other gym guys like myself, all professionals (some are even doctors). Some decided not to tell their families or some friends (I totally understand that) but they decided to live and not let this “disease” control their lives and I applaud them for that. I wish you good luck but you would certainly be more happy and less angry if you would try to meet people, tell your best friend about your condition, see a psychologist to help you and maybe even meet other poz guys in your city.
I read this article last night and honestly was quite upset. I wanted to respond but, it would have been out of anger. I try to understand where the author is coming from, but this article with its six reasons is bull shit. The only positive thing I’ve seen this author suggest is in the headline where it says we need a honest discussion, and that we do. HIV is preventable. We don’t need to stigmatize the disease, and we don’t need to sugar coat it. As a man living with HIV for several years now. There is nothing positive about it. Just my opinion.
Dear blog, why post an article soliciting comments and then denigrate the comments. I’m am not a know it all. I, I think like you, have lived with HIV for 10+ years. I have been incredibly fortunate that for 10 year two drugs worked without debilitating side effects. I asked my attending physician to switch because now in the US every available HIV drug is classified as a specialty drug. One med I was taking as a generic went from $20 per 90 days to over $1400 for a 1 year supply while the other has a co-pay of $2000 per year.
HIV is preventable, safe sex works. No one, repeat no one, will ever become infected with the HIV I have. It stops with me.
It is not a death sentence but it is not a walk in the park. If the author of the article was trying to find a silver lining in all this, he missed his mark with me and I think judging my the comments several others.
Your blog posts after the fact are unbecoming and belittling which I think you fully intended them to be. Your blog so I guess you set the rules. Shame.
Lee: I don’t denigrate comments, I simply give my opinion about it, that’s all
I’ve been poz for approximately 4 yrs. diagnosed 2 yrs. ago, fortunately I was very sick and don’t remember getting my diagnosis. I’m very honest about my status and let guys know right up front and all have said sorry, ! but thank you for being honest. there is still ignorance within our community and the world but we, as a community need to be more compassionate to those who have felt with this problem
Getting HIV and undergoing its treatments has been a nightmare. In addition to surviving too many of my friends, the side effects of the meds are real and potent. Dizziness, vivid dreams that wake us up at all hours…and heart disease. I contracted in the mid-90s. Not all of the ide effects were known. So now I have had open heart surgery and have just been diagnosed with heart failure. I am mentally strong and centered. But anyone who brushes over this pandemic with a rainbow wash is misinformed, no matter what the intent. Am I glad to be alive and teaching our children? You bet. Is life easy? Hell no. Be scared. A little fright may save the quality of your life.
My companion for like 13 years has been poz for years before we met. His health is good in that respect. I do remember when my friends passed away from “the new disease”. Also remember the joke about now fitting into those old jeans.
OK I’ve read the article and I do understand the points that the author of the article is trying to make but I think the thing that is offending people is using the term NO BIG DEAL when you are given the diagnosis of having HIV and having to deal with medication and paying for those medication and worrying about paying for those medications it is a big deal and a lot of people may take offense to that I would not have worded it quite like that I would’ve used a different tone now I do understand that this article was written to ease the minds of people who have recently been diagnosed with HIV or with those who are living with it knowing what they are going through there should’ve been a little bit more thought in titling the article and how I would’ve been received by everyone
consider the source of the article. it’s a reprint of a silver-lining piece from POZ magazine, which is of course primarily geared towards men who have hiv.
the people who are seeing it as a pro-bugchasing treatise are the same asthose upset about ‘go set a watchman.’ they’re unable to contextualize what they’re reading.
as far as tongue-in-cheek, I think the author didn’t go far enough. he didn’t mention that once you’re hiv+, a whole new group pf guys will fetishize you.
HiV is not a death sentence and it is frightening how disgusting some people within our own community treat people like dirty dogs for it, and fail to realized that ghonerhea and syphyllis and even Hep C are a more prevailing danger to people as serious health risks in the sexually transmitted disease department
Furthermore, quit lumping HIV/aids as one thing. there are several different types of AUTO-Immune Deffincencies out there and HIV aids are not equivalent. People develop AIDS from all sorts of illness… HIV maybe, but more commonly from pneumonia, tonsillitis, and Scarlett fever.
pick up a book and learning something…. HIV is an illness yes, AIDS IS NOT. AIDS is a process that is failing in your body because your immune system is tired.
either way… its not simethinthat makes someone ethically or morally wrong because they choose not to live in fear of a disease. Heterosexuals don’t use protection everyday. the don’t have to fear aids AMD put down the drugs they use. and gay men are not even the highest at risk group. African american women are most at risk. let’s spend time helping them with this epidemic that no longer haunts our community.
At the end of the day everything in life is 5050. you do or you don’t. doesn’t make you gross, or evil. Stop having sex on high frequencies, because you don’t need a daily hookup after the gym…. you are no more protected with a condom anyway. statistically speaking… all new HIV infections in gay males came from broken condom at a nearly 38% level.
Condoms were never ever meant to be yused for anal sex and they aren’t effective. sorry to burst your bubble. if youbhook up with them.. talk to them first. your instincts will tell you if having sex with them is a good idea… if it doesn’t you need to stop having sex until you are more mature and learn to make sure you can pick partners that respect your body. yes accidents happen.. that’s life… life is a risk everyday. don’t drink and drive, don’t wear a condom, BC you shouldn’t be hooking up with six or seven people a week. it should not be in the daily routine to fuck a stranger after work gym or class.
be responsible, and if you make a mistake. that’s life anats t point of life. you will get through it and you and the people left in your life that don’t stigmatize you will be greatly appreciated on a higher level. the people who judged you or criticized your sexual intercourse… well they are just haters. be honored to have them. they’re just jealous you got laid and something about them makes getting laid impossible for them even with a condom. that’s theyre problem… Or I guess lack there of a problem. ha.
There is nothing positive about being HIV+..I have been for 24 years….
Just think about the side effects of the medication one has to take to stay healthy….me..the side effect of taking those meds ..incurable lymphoma and the side effect of that from the chemo is that I have lost most of my teeth…
take precautions to avoid being positive..never trust anyone…..the gay community has the truth now about HIV when the disease wsa first diagnosed the president of our country Regan and other officials never had the truth put of there so one could take precautions….millions became infected because of that..may Reagan rot in hell….
Do you remember yrs ago when coming out that you were gay and it resulted in horrible stigma about ya ? The accusations that you were a child molester and a pervert and you were nothing but a blight on society. Well thats what society has done to those of us that are HIV Poz. This article goes a long way in fighting stigma. We HIV persons are no different that Neg persons..We have the right to Live,Love,Laugh like anybody else.
I’d just like to say, even the posting of this article on Adam4Adam.com is absurd. I’m inclined to leave this website due to the posting of this blog.
I wish I never had seen this article.
Had the article been about not being poz-phobic, that would have been an appropriate discussion.
This article promotes contracting an infectious disease. Dave, take this down immediately, especially for the younger generations of people on this site that weren’t around 20+ years ago who have unprotected sex and don’t get tested for ALL STDs on a regular basis.
Nice lighthearted article. However, it ends in a rather ignorant laden and distasteful tone when it claims that gay men of colour are more likely to test positive when having their HIV tests. The danger with tarring a whole race of people with one brush – as the author of this article has done – is that one has to provide evidence. No such has been furnished.
I live in the liberal bastion of California, have been positive and undetectable for 5 years, what I have noticed is there are three types of users on here #1. a lot of the Attitudy Judy’s on A4A that when you are upfront and honest about your statud they treat you like crap and block you which just shows their level of immaturity. #2. There are others that are accepting and have no issue with it, and #3 there are still “bug chasers” that will hound you until you report and block them as they want to become pozzed…sadly someone convinces them it is one big fraternity and never worry again about unprotected sex which is why HPV, STD’s are on the rise at an alarming rate, eventually a super strain of HIV will be created that will negate any of the progress they have made on eradication and the days of one or more funerals a day, human stick figures and all the other horrors in the 80’s AIDS crisis return. So to people like Scott yeah go get yourself pozzed and join the party as HIV is the one gift I would return unopened!
This article is a “silver linings” list – it’s not “hey this is great” and anyone reading that is a fucking moron.
The increased medical scrutiny that came from my hiv-positive diagnosis meant that the HCV that I had contracted – unknowingly – 35 years ago from transfusions was finally detected, and early enough to do something about it.
In that sense, HIV saved my life. It could have been cancer or hypochondria or a train wreck that afforded me that cue for additional scrutiny – I’m just pointing out that, as it turns out, it was a diagnosis that was certainly not welcome.
POZ individuals for our sanity and wellbeing are perfectly entitled to go looking for silver linings in our diagnosis. The overt hostility and vicious tone I saw in the responses to this article is, to be blunt, some of the ugliness in our own community. There is still a lot of ugly, nasty bias and stigma out there. Many will dress it up in terms of sexual ethics or public safety, but you’ll find when you lift the hood that a lot of those arguments stretch credulity and demand accommodation for the persons making their argument entirely at the expense of everyone else.
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