Health : Serodiscordant Lovers
Are you poz? Neg? Is your BF poz? Is he neg?
If you are positive, does it makes you sad that some people think that being poz is being dirty, slutty, unhealthy or unclean?
Negative guys, do you know that poz guys are sometimes more healthy than other guys? Why? Because they get tested every 2-3 months by their doctor for everything. From anemia to hepatitis and other blood infection or STDs. Of course knowing your status is very important, because when you don’t know it, it can be very dangerous. When you know it, with medications, you become undetectable very quickly and therefore the virus transmission is almost impossible.
The short movie “Knowing” wants to spread the message of the importance of knowing your HIV status, telling and asking, and choosing love.
It is a beautifully shot short film about the early stages of a serodiscordant relationship (on poz, one neg) who manage the task of being tender, sexy and educational without being preachy or heavy-handed.
Impulse Group has followed that effort up with a second short film “Open” which further explores the nuance of a sexually active, serodiscordant couple during moments of decision, revelation, frustration and, most of all, love.
By sharing these videos with you guys, I want you to educate yourself on the subject if you are not familiar with it. Watch these short 4-5 minutes movies, they are very well done and it demystifies the situation.
Let me know your thoughts and negative guys….don’t be scared of undetectable guys, they can love you too 🙂
If you’d like to learn more about what it means to be “undetectable”, click here!
Dave
Definitely a repost by A4A but still quite important and an influential short.
This is, finally, a worthwhile and intelligent article. Too many times this space is, with all due respect, filled with sexual fluff. This is an important issue, well presented and timely. Being a negative gay man I have had 2 lovers that were positive. We dealt with our relationship with sincerity and honestly. And yes we were intimate, and sexually active. The sex was great. But we were a couple that used intelligence as well as realism of the situation to have our lives and love to go forward. I am no longer with either one of these sweet beautiful men. They are both alive and well and have moved on as well. See, there is life after HIV. Thanks for your time and wish you all out there the best.
Domtoppai: yeah not sure about the “finally” in your comment. Not because YOU don’t like some articles that they are bad. There’s 8million members on A4A, everybody has different opinion.
ThankYou!!!
I am in this kind of relationship, and my partner is Undetectable. We do not use protection, and I have not had any sort of infection for well over five yrs now, and if we play with others we do use protection. That being said, yes the the terms you described do make us both sad that others think he is dirty, slutty, or “unclean”!I totally agree that undetectable men are usually more healthy than you Negative guys out there, at least they know their status and are not passing this on to others…We are both very moved by this Blog, again, THANK YOU!
I cryed and hope it helps people to think on what hiv poz means.. But in my world being poz and undectable does not help me find love it just keeps me from finding happiness no body wants to get to know me cuz i am what’s the “POZ”.
Great videos Dave. We can all use more education on Hiv and the positive way of living with it in a relationship. I just wish the younger men of today had more respect for themselves and there health. Life is to short for regrets once a guy is tested poz. So I hope with these educational vids here it will promote younger men especially to think before they decide to play risky.
I had a lover for 4 years who was diagnosed positive during the first few months of our relationship. I read as much as I could on HIV in order to understand the virus, how it is contracted, how it is treated and how to maintain a loving relationship with a positive partner. Knowing my sexual limits makes a big difference and not fearing catching something from your partner is paramount in order to maintain a healthy sex life. We broke up for different reasons and I maintain my negative status. As long as you understand HIV, there is really nothing to fear. In fact, many positive men are much healthier than negative guys because they need to maintain their health.
Thank you for a long awaited blog of such IMPORTANT subject matter. As a +man of 31years and a member of A4A for awhile, I applaud this blog, all the way to “under the covers”. Dave, thanks for being “smart” and pertinent. Keep it UP…lol
Buzzy: Thanks man, nice to hear a nice comment about me 🙂 lol.
While I agree with the series of articles in the past week about trying to educate people and the general theme of respecting yourself and your partner, it kind of rings hollow with the content of the porn ads that is right by the blog. I connected to this blog post from my phone…right above an ad where a young guy was on his back getting railed with the caption “Cum Inside Me”. At the top of the previous page was an ad that showed a guy blowing a burglar saying “be quiet or my husband will hear us”. These ads fly in the face of everything that has been blogged about this week. They completely contradict the values of respecting yourself and your partner by being careful and knowing your status.
I understand that all companies need to make money, but it’s a pretty hypocritical message that boils down to “do yas we say, not as we do.
Great article. Every time we openly talk about HIV helps to conquer it on all levels. When Serodiscordant lovers have meaningful and guided discussions, they can choose informed risks. I am glad you chose to write “transmission is almost impossible”. My Physician tells me it is not without some risk, as everything in life. I take no meds and would like to keep it that way. It is a choice that I make, and it ought to be valued also.
As a 30+ year HIV+ person, this is a great subject. 10+ years undetectable and its getting easier to approach potential partners and be upfront about status. Younger guys are much better about status and protection. Avoiding the “invisible closet” of a positive status is a daily task. Upfront and out about status and agreed limits makes for better sex and intimacy, that’s really what most of us want anyway.
Blog: Sorry, Chad is right. On my iphone now is the a4a website. The bottom ad (no pun intended) on the login screen says “Cum inside me.” Taping the ad link brings up the “adam4adam.gayroom.com” website.
The business side of running an adult/gay web site sometimes generates some interesting juxtapositions…
Kevin, weird coz gayroom is not a bareback site, let me check.
The porn ads are supposed to be fantasy fodder. Not everyone’s, of course. Don’t take them personally.
If the advertiser doesn’t make enough money from this site, they’ll move on
Isn’t blocking ads an option for paying customers? I’m cheap and I ignore them.
While this is all “true”, if you want your risk of hiv to be as low as possible, do not have sex with someone hiv positive. Plenty of experts play with fire every day, and they will tell you that if you play writh fire long enough you will get burned. Hiv used to be a death sentence, now it is a life sentence. It is preventable, and treatable…but nobody should willingly up their exposure risk because of a five minute video.
1dlbiguy: yeah, that’s your opinion. I have 2 friends that are in a serodiscordant couple for 11 years and they LOVE each other. Have you heard of that word before? LOVE is stronger than a status.
Dave
Chad: I reported the banner to our director, thanks
Dave
Love will not stop the spread of hiv. I understand your sentiment, but the only way…the only way…to be 100% sure you don’t contract it, is to never have sex with someone who has it. Are you going to say that isn’t true? Love does NOT conquer all. Even though the risk is small, the risk exists and I think you owe it to your readers to be intellectually honest about that and not paint an unreal picture.
I’m HIV poz and undetectable and is alot more healthier than some of my other friends that are poz.I take my medication on time,less anger and mood swings and healthy eating and drinking.I heard some of the poz guys on A4A lie about their profiles and STD or HIV status,is this true or false?
A person without HIV should never, EVER engage sexually with a person they know to be positive. The risk is never worth it.
Josh : I think you need to educate yourself and read about it though