Gay Stuff: Dominant, Submissive, Versatile…
(Photo : Dylan Lucas)
How frequently are you successful in explaining your sexual preferences to a male inquirer? Seemingly, your messages are not always interpreted the way you intended because the inquirer wants only to hear what HE wants to hear—not what YOU are saying. You may be a dominant TOP or a dominant BOTTOM—similar but not the same. Surprisingly, there are guys who enjoy bottoming, but feel they are in a dominant role by the way they respond to their top! (The bottom can make vocal sounds, the way he twists his pelvic area, and the way he pulls the top’s buttocks and cock tighter onto the receiving ass. He may also engage in nipple play, etc.)
Clearly, dominant tops are considered to be bulls in the act of sex play! They seldom back off to a submissive role, and instead charge on to the goal line—deep penetration in the bottom’s territory! When given a green light, they will proceed to kick the extra point by breeding and seeding the submissive receiver. The submissive receiver may be elated with having given himself up to his bull in the excitement of the touch down! A dominant bull should be expected to remain in play during a time out while he keeps his bull cock fully engaged with the receiver impaled on the bull’s cock and totally under the bull’s control!
If you and your playmate are both versatile, you should expect to “flip” with each other—both penetrating and receiving! Guys who are paired as versatile may find themselves spending more time in their sexcapades because they may do activities at least twice—to allow each of them an opportunity to enjoy both positions. Versatile partners/playmates typically suggest both males are very much in sync with each other.
The VERSATILE classification can create problems if it is construed as doing everything in the book when it may be more limited in scope. Therefore, communication is needed to clarify the extent of VERSATILE activity that is being agreed upon. Otherwise there will be disagreement when your ball game begins—usually without a referee!
How do you play your ball game—or the tailgate party?
David M in Texas
I get a lot of messages (including one yesterday) from guys in their 30s and 40s who ask if I want to be their totally submissive, cock-worshipping bottom. I always say “no.” I want to be an equal with my partner. I don’t understand why there is so much focus on which one dominates the other. Sex is not a contest. And the bottom, who can squeeze and pop the top right out of his butt, has a lot of control no matter how dominant the top thinks he is being. I also have no problems with self-image, so I’m not looking for someone to tell me I’m a piece of s**t while he gets his pleasure from me and then walks away without a care for my pleasure. I wish this dom/sub stuff would just dry up and blow away!
I’m a dominant bottom–sure I top here and there too–but I prefer being the bottom and making the top work hard to please me. Ironically a dominant bull top is a delight because the power struggle during the act is hot.
It’s all about respecting the person you’re talking to for who they are. No one will think exactly like you or me. Why not explore the differences instead of running from or insulting them?
I am total top and love to play the dominate role an dmake my bottom enjoy every moment when we are together..and yes my nickname with the guys around my area is “Bull”
The terms top, bottom, and versatile are VERY generic… and for most guys, their preferred “role” is anything BUT generic! Thus, you are correct – communication is key!
In fact, some guys even interpret the terms top and bottom differently (positional vs. penetrator/penetrated) — and we should all know very well that the “bottom” (penetrated party) may very well be “on top” (positional)!
In my case, I’m listed as versatile/top — not because I prefer the top (penerator or positional) better, but because I find I’m actually *in* that role more often.
Which brings me to the definition of “versatile” — which to me is enjoying both positions, and as the author mentions, IN THE SAME SESSION. But all too often, I seem to run into self-described “versatile” men who are unable (or more correctly, unwilling) to flip — once they start as a top, they feel they need to finish as a top and that’s that! (Likewise if they start as a bottom).
That is VERY frustrating for me, as I am often multi-orgasmic, and I love to get off the first time on top and the second as bottom (penetration definitions here)…. and these “semi-vers” dudes totally ruin that (pout).
Now clearly we don’t always get everything we want in any single sexual encounter… and my point isn’t to whine, rather to say (yet again) that discussions need to take place — before, during, and after! If nothing else, to agree upon your terminology!
PS: I also enjoy bondage — and one of my favorite things to do is to sit on (and extract an orgasm from) a bound subject, tied on his back… THEN, I’ll milk him for another load! YUM!
I thoroughly enjoy the submissive bottom role anal and oral. Its just not as enjoyable for me if I’m not with a take charge kind of guy.
I keep it simple when it comes to fucking: I’m going to breed your hole, coat your guts with my DNA, and mark your ass as mine when I blast my loads inside your cum-hungry hole.
The degree of aggression that I exercise when doing the above may vary with the situation and the bottoms involved (where I may actually fuck a guy with more tender gentleness if I see that it fits the need) but at the end of the day, my cock is going to fuck your throat and seed your ass.
No Labels! *clap clap clap clap*
No Labels! *clap clap clap clap*
everyone is too focused on these things that they define themselves by it sometimes. If your sex position becomes an identity then who the fuck are you?
You know that being a top isn’t synonymous with being dominant, right? That being bottom isn’t synonymous with being submissive, right?
I like to do what ever the man I am with wants. I will top or I will bottom. I just want to please the man that I a, with.
I REALLY wish A4A had a profile option that distinguished top/bottom from dominant/submissive. I much prefer being the insertive (top) partner, and hardly ever enjoy being the receptive (bottom) guy, but that all too frequently means that I get contacted by guys who want to be dominated…and really, I would prefer if my partner took charge.
Any 1st semester psych student will tell you that the fringe of the sub/dom role play are damaged and abused folks, both the tops and the bottoms. I like to bottom anally because I can control the pace and pleasure of both myself and my sex partner with my ass muscle, fingers etc. I also like to top if it follows a good deal of foreplay and makeout time. Not at all into name calling or the slave master shit as it just reinforce abuse I suffered as a child. I have difficulty understanding abusive tops needs for humiliating their partners in order to achieve orgasms as much as I don’t understand needing to be beaten and humiliated in order to shoot your load. The gay suicide rate is high enough without a segment of our community pursuing sexual habits that feed the depression that contributes to suicide rates. We have enough shit to fight without being our own enemy. The fetish, abuse, slave, scat fringe are far more deserving of productinve therapy than their porn screen portrayal would have us believe. These people are in need of help more than a myopic pat on the head for the “diversity” for “diversity’s “sake crowd. Some practices are simply bad, we all know it and the bulk of the fringe community is made up of members that were abused as children and of course become abusers themselves and carry their damaged pesonnas into adulthood and never seek treatment due to the shame society has placed on the victims of abuse instead of regarding them in the same or ever greater status than the victims of non-sexual crimes. I have encounterd this bizarre type of discrimination firsthand. As an alcoholic and AA member I often bring up my childhood abuse as part of my drift into alcoholism and the chill or embarrassed reception of mention of abuse is palpable in a room. I just don’t see how gloryfying sexual abuse helps us as a community become more accepted by the 80% plus of society that are not homosexual. There is behavior that is simply unacceptable and society has the right to choose what that behavior is. There is behavior among consenting adults that should be criminal. Diversity need not be devoid of common sense……….
Im usually the aggressor having just ended dating a guy for 5months and in that time no sex just trying to figure where I could go with this guy he was submissive to me and I enjoyed it, then I meet a guy and he is 5 years older than me and well he just more dominate than me in certain ways ,and I like it he doesn’t treat me as a submissive guy but he appreciates who I am as a Man and that’s how it should be.
Most people forget that the bottom is usually the one that holds the cards in a sexual situation. Bottoms Rule.
What is with these ridiculous labels?!? Is everybody really so one note that a label describes their whole sexual identity? So tired of the “what are you looking for?” or “into?” questions. Every pairing is different. How it plays out depends on the chemistry. What planet is this label crap from? So often when trading pics I’ll ask for a cock pic and they respond by saying “I’m a bottom”. ?!?! So? That means you don’t have a dick? WTF? And many of those guys then tell me I’m a bottom for asking for a cock pic. And then block me cuz they’re looking for a top. It’s like no one has a personality or any complexity. How ridiculous. And pathetic.
Pigeon holing ones sexual preferences can be frustrating and I do end up explaining what I’m into (people don’t read profiles do they?) when I say I’m vers top I do mean vers! I love to suck and be sucked. Rim and be rimmed. I say vers top as I like to fuck a dude’s ass, but won’t let just anybody fuck mine. When in doubt when hitting on a guy just ask what they mean.
Oh, to touch on the dom/sub point which the article did not get into. I’m more passionate than Dom, but when the mood strikes me… The last “sub Bttm” I hooked up with from here was no sub when it came to sucking cock! I started out in charge, but once we got it really going he called the shots on how and where he sucked me. While getting sucked by a hot dude under a desk sounds hot, most desks are low. A really hard cock hurts when pulled out parallel to ones leg. But with that guy, the sub bottom really came out when it came to fucking!
Reading the comments above, I think I want to meat Chip who commented earlier.
Labels and categories. Everyone’s gotta be stuck in someone’s definition of something it often seems. Nice and tidy; black and white. And that’s the root of many problems.
Always and only a top? Always and only a bottom?
Always dominant? Always submissive?
Always versatile?
No wonder so many gay guys whine they just can’t find anyone for sex or friendship or a relationship, whatever it is they seem to be demanding.
For me? it depends on the day. Some days top. Some days bottom. Some days some of both. Some days we’re playing by my rules. Some days a bud can dictate what we’re doing. Instead of placing crazy limits on sex, why not just the hell have fun?
I love being submissive with my top after having a drink and some poppers he’s in total control he can have me in every way and he loves it cause I have multi orgasms and wet his whole bed if he didn’t have towels prepared .. he have a 9.5 inchcock that feels great and he knows how to work it .. until I chm really hard .. he holds my arms behind my back and pounds me with every inch .. sorry was in lala land anyway I’m submissive and love it
I’m a versatile.I like to be sucking the dicks,getting mines sucked fucking ass and getting fucked.I love nothing but dick.If it doesn’t have a dick,I’m not fucking with it!!!!
I was once a total top then I met Tina it seemed to me that bottoms were experiencing something I wasnt.so I started to explore being a bottom ,just in my mind at first then I actually tried to bottom physically. what I found was the the tops I was with didn’t have a clue,it was about their enjoyment they could care less if I was satisfied or hurt.Iwas telling a friend about my bottoming after about 25 encounters I enjoyed it maybe 4 times,endured it about 15 times and absolutely and suffered through the rest.i was at a spa and got In a conversation with someone who told me if i ever got fucked or sucked off some one we could never be togather.There are no rules to this I enjoy what I enjoy it has no bearing on my manhood or who I am.Picthing or catching it’s still baseball.WAKE THE FUCK UP
I’m a totally submissive bottom and love to be fully controlled by the dominate top. Like to be forced to do as told. I only wish to serve him (and whoever he says) to make him totally and completely happy.
I have yet to find a man that will do just that,,, to take full and total control. To use me for his desire and give me “no choice” in the matter. I know my place and want to be made to be in that place.
I’m sorry to use this forum for this, but I’ve searched for 2 days straight now for a “FEEDBACK” feature on here and can’t find one. The reason being that the “logout” feature has disappeared from this site which means I’ve been kept online indefinitely. I apologize for interrupting this discussion.
I am in total agreement with Muzyqman. Why do we need labels? Enjoy sex in whatever way feels good. The best sex is when my partner is focused on pleasing me, which makes me want to please him. Everyone leaves happy.
What a wonderful world it would be if we had no labels…
My “blue” could be your “red” and no one would care!
Without labels, there is no communication. Labels are fundamental to language!
What is needed is an understanding that labels are limited (not the people) and that more than a label is needed to describe a person!
In other words, the label “top” should be the start of the discussion, not the end of it!
Personally I’ve never really found the ‘role’ as a needed or important part of being with a partner.. I prefer having a partner. We both enjoy ourselves top, bottom or other pleasures.
The one part of this article that annoys me is the line that barebacking is somehow more intense or rewarding. “When given a green light, they will proceed to kick the extra point by breeding and seeding the submissive receiver.”
How is this an ‘extra point’? This type of language and reinforcement that somehow setting yourself up for a life with an incurable disease is hot or somehow better is irresponsible.
I’m constantly amazed by the number of guys in their 20’s or 30’s willing and sometimes begging to be fucked bare. Of course the number of positive or undetectable guys in this age group continues to grow.
Yes we all have our choices on practicing safe sex but I really think we all need to question why it’s continually being promoted that doing it bare is so much better.
I don’t like to suck cock. I love to eat & fuck a
hot ass. If that makes me a top, so be it. Are there any gays out there who don’t like to suck cock? I keep questioning why i am all about
the ass when it comes to sex? I am 100% gay though. But i cant give a bj. can any one relate?
The guest OP, David M in Texas seems to be trying to put himself across as some kind of expert, blessing us with his great knowledge of all things gay and sexy … when his post actually reads like that of a 16-year-old’s. I’m annoyed, but I’ll give him credit; he has provoked one of the more thoughtful discussions (along with a few dumb comments) on the blog.
Let me add my support to those who recommend that we stop making all these assumptions that perpetuate stupid stereotypes. And I’ll also agree that adults should be free to make their own (hopefully, informed) choices about their sexual practices without judgment from anyone else. But responsible website owners, managers and bloggers should •never• be promoting risky sex as better than safer sex.
Well, Latinlust69, I’m in Florida (St. Pete) and single!
Im very versatile I enjoy being a top and I luv to btm. When me and my bud gets together like the other day we start out giving each other hot mutual head I fuck him and then he fucks me wow. Im not into categories im hot for cock and I want and enjoy a guy that luvs the same by the way Shortstuff50 is one hot dude thanks for a good hot Friday
Self sounding is so erotic — always get off while doing it. Have a bud who like me to sound him too
I consider myself a versatile gentleman (having to place myself in a category) who is equally comfortable as a top or bottom. I truly enjoy all the pleasures which two versatile men can share. It is someone what saddening (to me) that there are those who only Top or only Bottom; nothing to take away from those who only top or bottom.
I would luv to find another versatile gentleman who would enjoy all the erotic pleasures as I do. To explore erotic pleasures; share in the Erotic joys of pleasures being swept along by once imagination; allowing ourselves to experience the excitement; the pleasure of getting lost in them, to share new experiences, to discover new sensations which brings pleasure to one another’s partner, seeking to enhance each other lives by the sharing those pleasures, those passions that come our way.
And having topped one another and having cleaned our cocks, we lay once more on our side. To once more feel the warm landscape of each other bodies, as our hands explore each others; to once again enjoy one another (orally)to sexual release to enjoy the erotic pleasure of each others cocks, to feel the erotic warmth of each another’s ambrosia flowing into our mouths, to taste sweet nectar of man to man pleasure.
I apologize for this being a bit wordy, just my two cents on this posting.
Hope you all find the Top, Bottom or Versatile person you are seeking. Gentlemannrsm
I can’t speak for anyone else but I am a totally 100% deepthroating, cum swallowing, thick assed bottom who loves sexually dominant men.
For me its a primal thing. The thought and act of being mounted and penetrated by a manis sole function in life while the act of sex is going on.
I don’t consider myself feminine but I am attracted to maleness sexually so I identify as bottom.