A4A : Face Pics/Body Pics
(photo : copyright Adam4Adam)
Guys, do you think everyone should post face pics and body pics on A4A? But what about married men? Or attached men that want to stay discreet? What about guys who want to date and not hookup?
Below are 2 opinions I received from members in the last weeks….
“My name is Spencer. My question is more like asking for advice. I’m sure a lot of other members experience this, but I feel like people don’t talk to me because I’m not showing off my body in my pictures. It’s a personal preference of mine, not because I’m ashamed of it, but because I think that that will come if you show genuine interest in me before hand. I know I’m only 22 going on 23, but when did it become a requirement to see every part of my body before going to get a cup of coffee? Any advice you have would be very much appreciated. Especially if it will help me get more guys interested in me lol. My profile name is MonsterSpency.”
“As someone who works in a typically homophobic field, construction, I understand the need for discreetness. That being said I am baffled when the opportunity arises for a hook up and I am confronted with someone whom won’t share a face picture but wants all sorts of pictures from me. If we are going to hook up, I would see your face so where’s the harm in sending a face pic? Especially when I am not from your area, or you aren’t from mine? Where is the logic?”
What are your thoughts on this? Some straight websites require EVERYONE to upload a face picture before even have access to their site/apps. Should everyone on A4A be required to do so? Feel free to comment below and also to give your advice to our 2 members’ opinion above
Dave
I always thought that this is what the ability to lock pics was for. If you’re in the closest, on the DL or already with someone, maybe do a pic of your body or part of your body and lock the face pic. Or vice versa depending on your situation and what you’re looking for. And if no face pic on the site, email or txt it to the guy if y’all are gonna meet so he knows you’re legit. Too many stories of anon guys meeting guys on hookup sites and assaulting them. 🙁
Post whatever pictures you like but recognize that the pictures you post, more than anything else, will effect the responses you get. Looking for a hook up? You’re probably gonna need to show some skin. More LTR-oriented guys are probably better off sticking with clear face pics and clothed body pics (shirtless can be a boon in grabbing attention while not coming off as overly sexual).
I find it hilarious when I see a profile that reads “FRIENDS ONLY!!! NO HOOK UPS!!!” and the only posted photos he has are of his dick and ass.
The picture I don’t understand is the clothed body pic. I get some guys not wanting to show their faces (though it IS 2015, and your on a site for gay men…), but what is the point of a close up of your loose-fitting t-shirt that doesn’t even have any graphic hinting at your personality. Gives you little more information that not having a picture at all. Speaking of which, I’ve always wondered for the guys (and it seems to be a lot of them) who DON’T post any picture at all; does anybody actually talk to you?
I would like if everyone had a face picture, and i personally would prefer a site where people had to upload a face picture. But thats just based on my own wants and experiences, and ultimately, it would be best if sites did NOT require face pictures. As a sidenote, i think understanding that there is a difference between what you want and what is best is the path better policies and relationships.
Now, all that being said, my experience with the faceless is that they often demand pictures from you, such as the guy in the article mentioned. Back in 2000, i empathized with folks not having convenient access to a scanner or a webcam. Half the time, i’d meet up with these individuals and i’d say slightly less than half the time i didn’t find them attractive. I guess you could say that sort of leap of faith was more successful than not, this is due to the fact that some people just didnt have access to picture producing tech. But in 2014, its hard to imagine a face picture cant be produced. And even harder to understand how one expects a hookup but doesnt want to show their face to you.
Initially I didn’t have any profile picture. A good bud advised otherwise that many guys won’t even look at your profile without one. So I added a chest shot. That opened doors. I have hidden photos as well that once decent discussion gets underway I’ll share.
Many guys can’t show face pictures openly due to jobs or positions in the community. Some, too, are guys who went “functionally straight” decades ago and can’t just “flip the gay switch” for assorted reasons. All gay guys they knew were flaming faries, something they themselves weren’t and wanted nothing to do with. So they hid being gay, got married, and/or built careers. Having shown themselves as straight for decades, they can’t just come out because that would involve wives, children and longstanding careers. This can be impossible for younger guys to understand because today being gay is more readily accepted.
Now I pretty much ignore guys without pictures in their profiles. It usually just doesn’t go well trying to pursue them. Most seem to be gamers or flakes … or at minimum technologically inept.
I don’t think a pic should be required. I am really personal about what I put on the internet and if im not always looking for a hookup (i’d like a nice man to be with for more than love making) why should I have to put out a picture? I do understand the preference for pictures though because of freaks but I am not one to put everything out there especially my body
I have never understood the point of some profiles, demanding face pics and they have no pics at all, will not send any. I never meet anyone without a pic and I prefer not to just give out my e-mail address. And to Monsterspency, I live in Dallas, Tx, where there is a thing called “Dallatude”, I don’t know how people can put a age, height, weight or any other “preference” when they advertise a “friend only” or only show a naked pic but no face pic, when they advertise “No Hook ups”. But to me that is the “NEW” gay thing, I guess, it’s so sad
I believe everyone should have at a face picture & it should be verified that this in fact is the person posting said .
Spencer,
Stand your ground! If the john you’re about to meet won’t do so without the face picture you’ve provided and stats on your profile then he is not worth the hassle. There is this nasty epidemic going on right now in the dating/hook up world where we are looking for the next best thing or that Adonis like man we’ve built up in our head that we think we deserve. I mean sure, who doesn’t want a physically fit & attractive man in bed as well as arm candy?? I for one wouldn’t mind.. But is this what we’ve reduced ourselves to? There has to be some substance to this man. I digress. Stick to your guns and the right guy will come around. Drop the 4-5 dating sites and go out. You won’t find Mr. Right with your nose stuck to your phone.
Construction man,
It sounds like you’ve come across the same issue as Spencer or a new one altogether… The pic collector. If you’re just looking for a hook up don’t be shocked when this continues over and over again. You would have to visit a real dating site, say eharmony, to break out of this rut. The majority of gay “dating” sites have been reduced to a quick hook up site and as such are being treated as a speed dating service… Check out the goods and move on if they are not the right fit. It’s sad I know, but we are all guilty of it.
I hate faceless profiles. Your face is part of your uniqueness a hot bod is a dime a dozen a cute smile is sight to see. I prefer to see a face before I meet. Saves time, concern, and worry.
Discrete cuz of a job? Come on you’re just looking to fuck right?
Don’t hate if you can’t hook up on some completely simple terms.
9 times out of 10 a faceless meeting is a waste of time
I think a picture should be required for A4A, but I also think the option of having it locked/private is a good option too. I understand the need for privacy and discretion, but then it can be unlocked for those you are serious about meeting.
And as to not getting enough ‘hits’ or not enough people ‘chatting’ with you because you don’t show ‘body parts’ – realistically Spencer, you’ve already decided you want something more serious than the fly-by-night hookup. Therefore, expect fewer people to be ‘chatting’ with you. Let that be okay and keep your standards intact. I do commiserate with your position.
Myself, I am more concerned with those listed as ‘Other in Texas’ or ‘Other in USA’ etc… Most of these are fake IDs toying with others who are more serious in their desire to meet someone whether it be for chatting, dating, a hookup or a serious long-term relationship. There must be some way for the webmaster to verify that these IDs are valid to some logical and reasonable degree. There are many IDs being setup as local, only to find out that they are off the continent – what a waste of time.
Again, I can understand that a location can be kept ‘private’, but not from the webmaster.
Then of course there are those who are outright lying about their stats – you look 20, but are listed as 90-years old (the age never updates from year-to-year, but could if a birthdate were entered)? Or you are 5’5″ Tall with a 30-inch waist, but your weight is 375 pounds (lead foot)? Just Say’n
I agree you should post a face pic it’s the right thing to do, I have mine posted and I want to see who I am chatting with!
Anonymity is important to some… I am married and bi so it is very important to me that this remain below the radar. Sure, when I meet someone they will see my face and it is a possibility that it could end up being someone I know somehow … that can happen… At that point, we are both bound to some level of discretion. But if I post a face pic… once it is up on the internet… it isn’t going anywhere.
I know of one person on here who is someone with whom I once worked, and during our tenure at work, let’s say it was a rather hostile association. If he were to find a picture of me by my accidentally allowing it, by not knowing it was him (he’s moved now, so it’s safe) he could and would have made my life Hell.
I choose to not show a face pic–not even by email. If it limits who I can meet, I can understand… It is a requisite of theirs.. I have no right to tell them they shouldn’t expect them, nor they the right to tell me I should provide them, or demand that I do.
I too have met some people who look so far different from their description, there isn’t a map detailed enough to bring them back to reality, so I can appreciate their position. If they can appreciate mine, great; if not, big deal– it isn’t happening anyway. OH and one more thing.. you don’t have to be rude about it in saying so.
As an on/off member of A4A for the past 5 years, I always have a face pic up, as far as a body pic goes it just depends on the situation. Honestly in the world we live in if you are even 1 pound from where someone wants you to be they treat you like utter crap. I don’t think it should be a requirement but I do think that if the person you message has one at least be courteous and have one ready for them to see. The worst anyone can do is say no thanks. Serious now.
I don’t think a face pic should be mandatory. We are all on here for different reasons. Some are looking for a relationship, so it makes sense for their primary pic to be a face pic. Others are looking purely for sex, so the face pic is not as important. In my case, I am in a relationship, but we have an “understanding” that we can play discretely. Therefore, I don’t have a face pic as a primary pic. I do have a face pic that I share when I am looking to hook up. I have my own policy – I won’t hook up with someone who doesn’t share a pic of some sort, but understand that some people do need to be discrete.
I show both recent face and body pictures in my profile. I am a athletic 57 and like others to know that just because youre over a certain age doesn’t mean you have to be out of shape or let yourself go. Ive seem men post no pictures or pictures of themselves 15 to 20 years ago. I have even seen men post pictures of other men to get your attention. Many, not all, do this because they don’t like how they look. They know that if you knew what they looked like now you would not give them the time of day. I find it pretty sad!!!!
Although there are probably guys who enjoy the idea of hooking up with some faceless person, not sure this is advisable from a personal safety standpoint. Also, for me it is always the look in a guys eyes that will tell me if I’m even interested so without that, it’s a no-go.
As far as not showing one’s body, this can be done without full exposure but come on, we’re all men here, why be shy. Those looking for a “love match” should perhaps try a more traditional “dating” site but remember, you never know when a hook-up can lead to something else.
As a requirement, I don’t think it should be a requirement. If it were, I wouldn’t be here. I am married but love sex with men and I have to be very descrete.
If posting a face pic becomes a requirement of A4A then I would have to delete my profile and stop using this site. I have no doubt this site would lose a huge number of members if they had to show their face. I have to be discreet and the guys I meet through this site understand and appreciate that because they usually have the same need for discreetness. That is one of the best reasons for using this site.
It’s always nice to see face pics posted but it is not a requirement for me to meet someone. I would rather see naked body pics than a face anyway.
Although I have no pics on my profile, I agree with monsterspency, a face pic should be enough to meet someone for coffee. Most guys here play games and just body pics to get off on, no interest of meeting the guy they are playing. I personally get tired of seeing all sizes of big butts and little dicks on here. I guess I’m just not perv enough to have the need to expose myself here. What is wrong with privacy anyway. There is a art to conversation, which I believe most think a pic should do it all for a hookup, well maybe for some it does, but not for me.
I find no pic or no face pic annoying beyond belief…especially when followed with demands for mine. The sharing should be equal…no pic for no pic and take your chances, or share pic for pic (face pic for face pic, etc.). I’m over fulfilling unequal demands.
So many considerations, could write forever. In response to Spencer, if I were wanting to meet up with you I would like a pic that gives me a general idea of what to expect. Doesn’t have to be hi res. I know we have to meet in person to really judge 😉 In response to the construction worker. The one-sided pic exchange is just a game they want to win. There is a moniker: pic collector. Maybe one of them will comment. In my case I am older, a little overweight, with an awesome dick. So the dick is the primary and the private pics show my face and body low res, plus the dick from another angle so you know it’s real.
First, A4A is a “hook up site”, not Match dot com! I won’t connect without a face pic. After all, I might be inviting you into my private home. I want to know who is showing up at the door. NO matter how attracted I am to the body parts. For safety,I also won’t send my address through A4A. I must have a phone number to text or call. Two reasons. One, to make sure you are a real connection, and Two, if you steal or harm me in anyway, I want at least something for the police to have to trace. A4A is kind of anonymous.
For the young man that doesn’t want to post his pic. Well, if you are in a HOT dance club and you remove your shirt to dance, why not here. It is all in advertisement to me. Flaunt what you have as assets, whether it be in a dance club or on here. X stuff doesn’t necessarily have to be exposed, but we all have certain things that turn us on. Mine is a smooth chest and belly, so, I want to at least see that if I am expected to top you. IF I am in a btm mood, then I want to see a cock pic, due to being a size queen……….hehe.
But, for me, a face pic is mandatory for a connection, whether it be for coffee(if you don’t have a face pic, how are you going to know who to meet at the coffee house?) or sex.
Years of experience doing this shit!! Dan
If you require a face pic , then discreet guys will just throw up any pic they can find, BESIDES themselves,, so whats the point?
It depends on what your looking for, if your just looking for sex then it could matter, but if your looking for a lover or a long term relationship or a boyfriend then it might not matter so much but guys are very particular now days, so you just never ever know anymore.
I just like a face. I like to see what I’m chatting with. The body I could care less about. Can see my face, only fair I see yours
All I want to know is where I can find the guy in the bathtub!!!! 🙂
tommm : that is my photo 🙂
And it’s 100% true
On the flip side, I’m constantly amazed by how indiscreet people are, even married. People get fired all the time for posting Facebook pics of them drinking. People get caught cheating by a friend of their spouse finding stuff on Twitter or Instagram, etc. If a Facebook photo of you with a glass of wine is enough to set some bosses off, how the hell do you think a nice clear shot of your face on a gay hookup website is gonna go over?
Not to mention the less likely but still possible chance someone could start making pamphlets or websites of “perverts in your area” by trying to identify people off websites like this? I remember seeing a news story of a pastor who would try to get personal info off license plates of everyone who parked at a local adult store and then would mail all that info back to their families and spread it around (the small) town.
For those of you who think it’s being too paranoid, you must not have any worries about getting caught. I’m not married, but I still wouldn’t want my local family or co-workers finding me on this site. I’ve had jobs in the past where a hateful coworker would have loved to find dirt on everyone they didn’t like to try to get rid of them. And the response “well if they’re on the site too then they’ve got just as much to hide as you do!” well if they’re more discreet than you are then you’ll never know who did it.
You shouldn’t even think of dictating what sort of pics (face or body, or whatever) people want to post. The viewer can decide for themselves if they want to reply to / contact any profile. No-one is forcing you to reply to a faceless profile. I also think this obsession with seeing face pics is causing many guys to miss out on some really hot guys. Back in the days of personal ads, or the phone lines, it was all part of the sexy surprise. Now it’s like guys are demanding a full resume. And those poor hotties who just aren’t very photogenic really lose out. Or maybe you lose out too.
I have a locked face pic. I will respond to and hook up with guys without a face pic, no problem, as long as there appears to be a profile match.
More hot fucks for me!
I just want to let it be known that my pics are posted. I’m not saying I don’t want to show my face. White the contrary. I like to see who I am talking to, and so I believe that people should expect that of me. However, I do not take my shirt off at a dance club. That’s not something that I do or am particularly comfortable with. I’m saying that my body has become a requirement for conversation. Sex is what sex is. I understand that if I want to have sex with a person, my body will eventually come up. However, a significant amount of time, I am looking for something a little more meaningful than that. Which requires a little bit more than people asking me my stats. I’m not a robot. My assets are my mind and my personality. My cherry on top, meaning my cock and ass, should be something that you should have to try a little harder for in my opinion. I’m not shaming anyone who does it. I don’t judge and have messaged plenty of guys who show way more than I do. But I also understand that there is more to them than their body, and I try to approach them as such.
People get on a4a for something serious? I thought they were all cheaters, DL, or thots.
I have never had a pic on A4A. And yes once in a while some men stops talking to me. It has been about 10%. I have my reasons. So to answer VAFRATGUY’S question.
Do we ever get a response? Most definitely. Ninety percent is pretty good in my book.
I think if you chat up someone, and they ask for a pic, they should return a pic if you send them one. It I’d rude not to share who you are talking to, either interested or not.
I understand this a hook up site, however you are not obligated to do so, some of us are here for curiosity, friends or just new to life style , some of us need more discretion, due our job, married or just not out, this is our choice to stay as we feel more comfortable and no one should get mad or upset about it, by experience some people ask for face pick and when they know that can’t afford to show face they get mad and some are rude, it is not fare that someone has to show face pic and no one should force anyone to meet, I understand if they don’t want to meet if no face pic shown, I would say everyone should feel free to do so if we want to and it shouldn’t be mandatory to have a face pick on profile or locked, think about it guys, it’s about Respect.
A4A currently does not restrict downloading or copying someone’s picture. So no, I don’t want someone being able to take and use my picture esp. my face as they want. So I would be opposed to forcing users to have a face pic and I would leave the site. PS I think copying and downloading someone’s picture should be restricted unless I choose to send it to someone myself.
THIS IS ME BUT FROM MY EXPERIENCE MEN WHO DON’T HAVE PICS POSTED HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE, SUCH AS THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MARRIED OR ALREADY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE. I HEAR ALL THE EXCUSES ITS CAUSE OF MY JOB AND SO ON, SO LET ME ASK YOU THIS. WHAT JOB IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE TO HIDE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE GAY? HELL IF YOU NOT MILITARY OR EVEN WORK FOR THE POLICE NOTHING ELSE REALLY COUNTS. HELL I WORK WITH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT AND MY SEXUALITY DOES NOT DETERMINE MY ABILITY TO DO MY JOB. MATTER OF FACT UNLIKE MOST OF THE MEN ON HERE I DON’T LABEL MYSELF AS BEING A TOP, BOTTOM, OR SOME KIND OF ANIMAL, SOME KIND OF TRASH BIN. WE ARE CREATURES WHERE PHYSICAL ATTRACTION IS THE FIRST THING WE SEE AND BY WE I MEAN HUMAN. ITS A LIE IF YOU SIT THERE AND SAY THAT YOU LIKE A GUY CAUSE HE HAS A GOOD PERSONALITY CAUSE WHAT GOT YOU TO TALK TO HIM WAS SOMETHING PHYSICAL. SO I DO AGAIN THAT THERE SHOULD BE A FACE AND A BODY PIC POSTED (NOTICE I SAID BODY PIC, NOT DICK OR ASS).. FOR THOSE WHO DON’T OR WANT TO POST A PIC, THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE NO ACCESS TO SEE THOSE WHO HAVE PICS, ITS NOT FAIR, THAT THEY CAN SEE ME BUT I CAN’T SEE THEM. THIS IS MY OPINION BUT HOW DL OR HOW MUCH ARE YOU IN THE CLOSET IF YOU ON A GAY WEBSITE? ALL THESE PEOPLE ON HERE WITH NO PICS SAY THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER, I’M MARRIED AND MY WIFE DOESN’T KNOW AND SO ON. TO ME NO PICS MEANS YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A CHEATER, A LIAR, AND A PLAYA. NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU PROB BE LYING ABOUT YOUR STATS.
lol this is a sex site don’t spend your life making this serious make it out for what it is.
I agree with TAMPA bILL 100%. Just a few points to add;
I don’t have a face pic up, and NEVER will. I want to remain DL. And I don’t know who will decide to blackmail or impersonate with that pic (I have a serious example of a stupid idiot impersonating my friend because after meeting up in public my friend decided not to fuck him). I don’t know enough about your character to give you my face.
I show headless full body pics, to give you an idea of my body type. If the conversation progresses and you’re serious about meeting up, I give intimate pics if that helps you make a decision. Because of my restrictions, I only meet very few guys, and it’s always worth it because we’re on the same page.
And for those who think the face pic validates the person, I can easily send random pics from the internet as mine. How would you know? (I agree with Aherndon)
I think posting pic should be requirement, but at the member’s choice…Whether face, body, ass, or dick pic(s). However, I strongly do not think posting a face pic should be a requirement. Why? Discretion. For whatever the reasons, members on this site including myself only play that way. Discretion should be respected.
In response to the first comment above, If I’m looking for a hook-up, looks are important to me…body and face. If you post only a face and no body pic, I won’t message or respond.
For the second comment, I strongly agree, there is a need for discretion. If there is an opportunity for a hook-up, face pic(s) should be exchanged. If he requested a face pic from you and he doesn’t honor the exchange, maybe he’s a flake or he’s not attracted to you. Don’t take it personal…move on to the next profile.
Again, I don’t think posting a face pic should be a requirement. However, I do think posting a pic should be required, whether face, body, dick or ass…but at the member’s choice.
I understand this a hook up site, however you are not obligated to do so, some of us are here for curiosity, friends or just new to life style , some of us need more discretion, due our job, married or just not out, this is our choice to stay as we feel more comfortable and no one should get mad or upset about it, by experience some people ask for face pick and when they know that can’t afford to show face they get mad and some are rude, it is not fare that someone has to show face pic and no one should force anyone to meet, I understand if they don’t want to meet if no face pic shown, I would say everyone should feel free to do so if we want to and it shouldn’t be mandatory to have a face pick on profile or locked, think about it guys, it’s about Respect.
MUST have face pic to show before blow or whatever…..as for those that only show an asshole—well that makes you an asshole. these gaping asshole pics are disgusting!i keep face pic locked since so many that contact me don’t have a face pic….on the DL, married, whatever reason. well no face pic kills the future ‘plans’ for that person. you on the DL, married/partnered—your CHEATING and hope you do get caught, will serve you right. and when i do meet someone and their stats are WAY off from what was stated—well let’s just say the door shuts in their face real quick or after they answer their door, i turn around and walk away. why LIE knowing the other will eventually see what you look like!
People should be able to post the pics they want (or don’t want). Similar to what a member writes in his profile, it is their way of expressing themselves and how they want to be seen (or not seen). Admittedly, a lot of guys seem to be completely unaware of how they are coming across in their pics and words (sometimes comically so, other times mean and ugly) but that is who they are and what they are capable of at this time in their lives. Other members can then judge wether they want to respond or not. If you don’t like what you see or read in a profile, don’t message him and move on. If you’re not getting the response you want from other members, think about what attracts you to a profile and change your pics and/or words to reflect that.
Unfortunately, The Dramma of gay guys causes caution with showing face pics”” extreme gay behavior has become ramped, vicious, and to a point’ not worth being gay !!! I am a Bi guy, and gay guys want to run my life”” telling me I should be proud to be gay, and let the world know”” I tell them’ bullshit !!
Every man has the right to apporch, and live his life his way”” If you want to swing from the chandlers’ good for you, and I’ll let you hang from them”” but on the other hand’ You are gonna respect my right not to hang from them !!! What I’m I saying ??
If you want a face pic, and a guy will not send one’ most guys have a good reason not to send a face pic”” respect that,,,, Now you gotta make a decision ??? Go with his decision, or move on~~
It’s not complicated’ Most of the time he just wants sex, and you want a career”” lol So I agree with the man for not sending his face pic’ all you wanna do is show a friend who you fucking,, and this is my trophy’ !!!
It’s some good men out here, but you run them away with extreme gay stuff 🙂 I’ve been a victim to extreme gay behavior’ and I will never trust a gay guy with my face pic’ (never)***
I think that there are lots of folks who should not post pics. Those include most of the folks who are not ready to come out, and many other folks who are out as gay but not as gay and sexual. I certainly don’t need A4A to require a pic. I’m perfectly capable of saying “no,” whether it’s because there’s no pic or because I don’t like what I see. If I say “no,” I ought to be polite about it, and the person to whom I said “no” should not be a baby about it. But if someone doesn’t post a pic, “no” is what I say.
Ok im going to say this. The gay community tends to be superficial as hell. That’s number one and for another, to all those people on these sites stating they are only on there for “friendship” or they say “no hook ups” yet they got pics of they dicks and ass and shirtless pics where they are provocatively posing? like what the fuck is that? If you are really on there just for friendship (I would argue you are on the wrong site to begin with) or not looking for hookups, I feel the pics you post should be conservative and look accordingly, that’s my two cents.
look I just wanna say until we learn that discreetness is not a word and discretion is then and only then should we be worried about pictures in profiles…I mean 75% of the pics are fake anyway.
I don’t think a face pic should be required. I’m very discreet myself and only share with those I’m going to meet. I really wish adam4adam would strongly consider that pictures could be mailed though the mailbox. Such a hassle to have to go to personal emails for guys that don’t have pics. I still don’t know why some do not put them as hidden insted if they are discreet.
If you want more attention, then yes. I once went without a pic & got no attention. Once I added face pics, I got more attention than I knew what to do with. Body shots aren’t necessary unless you’re planning on hooking-up. If somebody doesn’t want to talk to you because of the way you or your body looks then you’re better off without them. It’s a good way to weed out the crowd.
If someone isn’t willing to show their face then it should be considered a huge red flag. Anybody can be on the other side. If one is so secretive then you have to question why. Does one want to start any kind of relationship with somebody that potentially deceitful & paranoid? As long as they are honest & man enough to act with integrity then they wouldn’t have anything to fear.
I would love it if face pics were required so long as the administration would follow through when you report the fakes. Perhaps require a verification pic.
Not to sound negative, but in all my years I have found that gay men only want 3 things in a man: A pretty face, a big dick and a large bank account. If you don’t have all 3, you are not wanted. I refuse to post a face picture on a sex site or email one. Me being middle aged, I don’t see why someone expects me to be pretty, for if I was, I would be out there in person picking up men the normal way. If he claims to be good looking, 9 times out of 10, his face picture will be over 5 years old, have on sunglasses and a baseball cap. I have a great body and lose out on a lot of hook up requests, just because I won’t show my face. It’s amazing how 99% of the face pics posted don’t have a smile on there face…makes you wonder what is behind those lips…..lol. Sorry, had to vent.
To anyone that’s asking, I would say that you should have some sort of picture, preferably. Just a face pic is fine if you’re looking for love, just a body pic is fine if you’re only looking to get some strange that’s completely acceptable. I feel like if you have no pic then you need to be able to hold a conversation, you’re discreet, that’s fine, but don’t demand to see everything from someone else if you won’t show anything (which I’ve experienced a lot of when I used to go on). I’m in a committed relationship now, we met because the conversation was right, you can’t always find that easily, but it happens. So basically, show what you’re comfortable with to find what you’re looking for, but understand that not everyone uses this tool for the same reason you are. Be respectful. Love to all!
I wish everyone had face pics but I don’t think you should require them.
To the guys stating that this is just a sex site…who made you in charge of what people use A4A for. I’ve seen that on many people’s profiles laughing at those who are seeking out friendship or a relationship on here. What a dick bag thing to even bother to put in your profile. Live and let live and let people use A4A for whatever reason they want. Not everyone is sex crazed.
I used to post pictures on another site. One day someone with an obviously fake picture messaged me with “I saw you working at (where I worked at the time)”. I tried to get some details out of him without success and then just let it go. Whatever. Later he messaged me with “Do you live at (near apartment complex I lived at the time)? I saw you get off the bus (with route number).”
Pics went down. Actually I think I deleted my whole profile then. That freaked me out pretty bad.
I did eventually post pictures and have that happen again, but at least the next time the person identified themselves and it was cool. Still I’ve met a lot of weirdos online so I’m pretty wary of posting pics. Right now they’re set to private. I can screen people and if I feel reasonably safe (you’re never 100% online of course) then I’ll show my pics and expect pics in return.
I definitely understand people not wanting to talk to a faceless profile. That’s their call. I understand why they pass me by (although there’s never a guarantee that’s “their” picture anyways.) Personally I haven’t gotten any less messages between pic and no pic. Not sure I want to know what that means. 🙂
I post in my profile that “I do not show face pics”. I never contact anyone first in order to respect what most men want, “a face pic”. It never fails, once we are about to seal the deal and meet, here comes the message “face pic?”. Did they even read the profile at all. I block them and move on. I’m more attracted to a man that takes good care of his body. If that is in place then a one time quick hook up is all I want. Gay men rarely hook up a second time or go on a second date anyway. I do need to see a RECENT body photo before meeting.
It is what it is. If you require a face pic so be it. If you dont so be it. If u pick up the phone and have a conversation. You can easily tell if there is a connection, how masculine he is or what ever else you are interested in.
Im a young handsome guy and dont like posting to many pics. First off to many people steal, a lot of guys on here gossip like females, and alot of us are not photogenic or we actually have a job or wanna have a career not prematurely ended by something as stupidic as a picture on a gay website.
My personal opinion…
I have and have always had multiple, clear face pics open to the public. I have a few body shots also open to anyone that wants to see them. The X-pics are locked and only shown when I feel there’s a mutual attraction. My profile has actual, truthful details relating to my stats and personality, and it EXPLICITLY states that if you want to contact me you at least need to have a clear face pic.
And what do I usually get? Faceless profiles of boring dick and ass shots, and little to no text.
I don’t give a flying fuck about anyone’s need to be “discreet.” At all. Zero. No fucking excuses unless you live in a country where gay people are hunted down and executed. And if thats the case… we won’t be meeting.
Some of us have the balls to be open as to who we are; sometimes we catch flak for it but we are willing to accept the challenge.
We deserve at least the same kind of guy.
What I find really funny is so many of the faceless claim to be “masculine.”
Really?
I always associated confidence, honesty, respect and integrity as being part of being a man. Something these guys so abundantly lack.
Do I think a4a should require a face pic?
Some days I really do.
But I realize that even closet cases need to get laid… just, not by me.
I think what I would really like to see is a system that offers the option to show you only people with face pics and only shows your profile to members that do the same.
The rest of you can continue fishing in the pond of the unknown; because really…. you aren’t “my kind” and I’m probably not yours either.
I do sincerely believe at least face pics should be required. Private pics….mine are open at all times…what is there to hide. If you are so paranoid that one cannot even have a face pic then have the audacity to comment or request even more from you is PATHETIC!!! Grow up and get a pair !
If a face pic is required then you’ll lose all the hookup people and attached or discreet guys. It would completely change the site and probably not be economically viable. Why do you think people use craigslist personals?
i think everyone should have a face pic.
i don’t like talking to faceless profiles, i like to see who I’m talking to that’s just my opinion thought.
and i also thing that if you have to hide what you are doing then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it,
IJS
I think it’s pretty hilarious that most of the guys that balk at the idea of making face pics mandatory are the ones that complain about their need for “discreetness.”
Really, this lack of pics isn’t any better than shoving your dick through a gloryhole without knowing who’s on the other side. I’d like to think that gay culture have matured a bit since those desperate days; apparently not.
Your need for closety anonimity in 2015 America is NOT my problem. Please stop making it so and DON’T CONTACT ME.
As for those of you that say “a4a is just a hookup site and blah blah blah…” This site is EXACTLY what you choose to make of it, whether it’s just sex, friendly chat or dating. Don’t think that your motivations are the only ones that are legitimate.
Do I want a4a to institute a “mandatory face pic” policy? No.
But those of you that claim that it will just lead to people posting fake pics… people can already do that now.
I’d prefer to take my chances with somebody that might have a fake pic and deal with that issue when we meet… rather that just chat with some faceless, cowardly excuse-maker.
I dont think everyone should have to post a picture, but should have one to send to someone if they want to meet! As far as it comes for bi or married guys they dont show pics because they are ashamed d of who they are! The toll on lying to themselves hurts us gay men! I sometimes feel like they are trying to put us bck in the closet!! Be proud gay men!! We have gained so much to let others do that to us!
Be Ahmed of who you are, hide your face,wear a hoodie,but dont make me feel like its shameful to be who I am!
Honestly I get seriously annoyed with guys who message me with no picture and expect a response. If you are discreet that’s fine but at least put a private pic that you can unlock. If I have the balls to put my face and body out there you better come at me with some kind of pic or not at all…..
Please… most of you anti-face pic guys are just trying to justify your cowardice.
Don’t be feedin’ me any shit sandwiches about privacy, discretion and every other buzz word that equates to having no balls or integrity.
Little wonder most of you are single, unhappy and living in fear of something that simply isn’t much of a big deal anymore to most people.
Get past it; otherwise all you’ll ever achieve is anonymous sex, inability to form healthy relationships and ultimately, loneliness.
The closet offers nothing but shame, lies and secrets; denigrating the most important things you have to offer and probably throwing more than a few of your closest friends under the bus.
Being honest about who you are offers TRUE pride as to who you are, what you are, and what you intend to do with that personal power.
The DL life will never give you anything but self-loathing, continued emotional immaturity and unrealized full commitment potential to someone you deeply care for.
We all deserve a more dignified life than that. Stand up!
Well, married men shouldn’t be on the site. Beyond that, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your face pics, I get it. I won’t meet you without seeing your face, but that’s when you gotta ask yourself how much you really want to meet. As for body pics, if you’re looking for ahookup, sure. I want to see the body I’ll actually be seeing and not be deceived by a cute face. However, as one of the few not using this site to hookup, if we are so interested in each other’s bodies so early, we’re already not motivated by the right things.
I understand that many people (believe they) have a reason not to put a picture in their profile. It means they will get a lot less interest and a lot less play, but that is always their choice. My attitude is, “if you have the balls to show your balls, have the balls to show your face!” I don’t need to see your cock or your wide open asshole in order to get a cup of coffee, but I would like to know how I’m going to recognize you at Starbucks before I agree to meet.
I’m overweight, so it goes something like this.
Because you know it’s all about that face,
bout that face no blubber,
it’s all about that face, bout that face, no blubber……
I am a teacher. I have been fired from a teaching job before for having a face pic on a gay dating site and a parent discovered it, went to the administration, and I was fired. I’m sorry guys but there is no real legal protection for gays and lesbians in the work environment yet — especially in the field of education. I currently have a job that I love and do not want to chance losing. (Yes, some of my coworkers know that I am gay and don’t have a problem with it, but overall, I don’t want to take that risk.) If A4A started requiring face pics, I would have to cancel my account, because until there is the legal protection in place, I won’t risk my livelihood for a potential hook-up.
I think it’s easy enough to keep your face pic locked until you’re comfortable sharing it with someone. As for these guys that don’t have any pics and send you a message, “unlock” like it’s an order, they can kiss my ass. There are some incredibly arrogant people in this world, gay & straight & I hope they all get theirs in time. Bottom line: show what you want, when you wAnt. If you wont show Anything, go away.
It would be nice if we could have 2 sets of locked pics and choose which set to unlock for someone. For discreet guys, one set would be face pics and the other would be dick pics. Separate control might get more guys to upload face pics in the first place.
For starters, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
That said, offering the ability to tag pics as having face, body, cock, ass, & feet might be useful… Especially if then allowed to search or filter for them.
I totally understand the fear of putting one’s face out there on a gay hookup site when one is married or partnered and wanting to play on the side. If one is not otherwise involved and still refuses, game over!
But, it’s so creepy from the other side when I have been open enough to show my face and the other wants naked pics with none sent and no intentions of doing so! If I were an escort that might be different, but in this case I have no guarantee that I’m not being setup by someone who wants to harm me mentally or physically.
So, I choose to show face only until I’m absolutely sure the other person is serious about meeting. Even then, I question the need to see a naked picture prior to meeting. A full body clothed pic is enough to determine if a meeting face to face will happen. We can agree to or not to “peel the onion” later. Always free to stop the process at any time.
Both parties want to feel safe and if this is to work, both parties have to be willing to play by the same rules.
I find it ironic that those who refuse to post pics are always attracted to those who do post them. I have taken pics down from time to time and limited information in profile. When I’ve done that, I find there are no hits and no interest. It works both ways guys!
By reading many of these comments it would appear that another feature of A4A might help. How about a checkbox system that the members select on their profile? Something like (check one or many):
– Sex/Hookup
– Friendship/Chat
– Love/Long-Term Relationship
There is already an option that states whether they are ‘Out’ or not, which implies whether one needs to be discreet or not.
I would like to know if one is partnered or married so I don’t become involved in someone else’s commitment issues, but I know that they are generally going to lie about it – I just don’t want to be looking at the other end of a gun/rifle because I didn’t know about the individual’s marital status.
You have to appreciate A5A’s position in trying to make this a more effective website and yet try to remove any liability from problems of meeting people and the baggage everyone brings to the table.
I agree regarding cheaters and liars, etc…, but I’m not here to judge others, I just want to protect myself.
Also, I don’t think the city guys can truly understand small country community and how badly it can affect your reputation. As one example, my mother gave a visiting pastor a ride to the motel. Everyone else had left and she didn’t think it was right to leave him stranded. She had four toddlers in the car. She never left the car, but the next day the community spread the word that she was a loose woman. My father (who was out of town) believed her, but you couldn’t reverse the malicious gossip that had spread.
It was once said that if you took a pillowcase of small feathers and set them loose in the wind, you would never get them all back.
All this to say that I don’t think the comments here are truly understanding the position of others. They are only looking at it from their own little corner of the world.
I have a face pic and a full body naked pic posted. A picture is worth a thousand words. I don’t care who knows what I am or what I like.
I don’t think a face photo is needed, if some one to see your they can request a photo, they have scene your body and your cock, balls, plus their so many fake on the a4a web suite, and the most rude guys i had every meet,so any photo of a face can’t work, for the stupid guys out there.
I don’t think it should be required to show a face pic, because not everyone wants to be recognized. But I tend to agree with Spencer up there that a face pic is really all you need to see at first. I can’t stand those people who have nothing but body pics, though. I want to see the face of the person I’m communicating with.
i think that what some people were trying to infer is, those who have the active expectation to hook up, and have no problems with soliciting those of us who had posted no-restriction, accurate clear face (and body) pics, should, themselves, be compelled to provide what they demand, and had gleaned, to determine whether they had interest in what we had to offer.
for platonic shit, a “sexy shot” isn’t necessary.
though, then again, if u’r only lookin’ fer “gay friends,” there surely are better places to look.
such as, at a gay bar.
if you have no LGBT venues, at all, in your area, you likely have bigger problems to concern yourself with.
i get kind of confused by those who actively choose to solicit people who have profiles with no posted pics whatsoever.
do they really not care who they get with, as long as the person has a (hopefully) warm ass, mouth, or dick/pussy attached?
yeah, there is an inherent risk in showing one’s face on here.
but.. ..sometimes, you just gotta say “fuck it.”
I understand not putting on a pic. The Internet is forever..
But that being said, please give a very detail description of yourself. for most part guys are using old pics anyway. some are using pics that aren’t even them. so describe yourself very carfully. The way a guy writes also shows a little about them. oh and for Gods sake, do not describe yourself as VGL, Handsome or sexy. 8 out of 10 I find this not to be true because vanity is a turn off and it is in the eye of the beholder. Be cofident, but not obnoxious.
Hey what about the fools who post their face picts on sites like this, and its 10 to 15 years old!! Expectations are everything. sometimes I’ve had better success with dudes who don’t give me a 360 photo montage of their ass and just fill out all their stats honestly. better yet, type out complete sentences in their replies, rather than the fools who give me an expose of themselves, or show the same photo again and again from a decade ago… for me the statistics matter more than photos, including telling me a little bit more than that your ethnicity is “mixed,” we are all mixed! and no, i don’t need to know the exact (or exaggerated) measurement of you dick, plus some of your penises aren’t photogenic anyway, haha.
if you are going to post a photo, make it worth looking at, and definitely less than 5 years old. if you are discrete, you aren’t so discrete that you can’t tell me how old you really are and how tall you stand, etc.
I will NEVER connect with a potential sex partner without a face pic, no exceptions. But I do not post a face pic publically for reasons of discretion. I offer a face when I unlock, as I like my face, and understand it may lead to wonderful sex. Plus, if someone isn’t attracted to me, I really don’t want that inevitable look of disappointment when they show up at my doorstep. I’m not that desperate to fool people into coming to my home, in the hopes they stay just to get a good orgasm. If you can’t offer a face pic at some point, YOU’RE HIDING SOMETHING. Period.
As for the guys with NO pics, I know it’s because you wanna look around the site, hoping you can remain confidential, but few take you serious enough to respond. I filter out those without pix, and wish that could be a permanent feature, but alas, must reset that filter every time on the site.
I am a total bottom that likes to get fucked. I’m not looking for a relationship outside of a long term fuck buddy. I started out with all kinds of pics posted. I had face, dick and ass. I got into a situation where I was at work and a guy that saw my face pic approached me out of the blue. I didn’t like that so down came the face pic. I recognized that some guys out there like big dicked bottoms, but too many guys responded wanting me to fuck them. Now all that is left is my ass pics. I say put up the pics that work best for you.