Health : D&D Free, U B 2…… WTF!?
(This is one of our first post 4 years ago with very good informations and it was very popular back then. Check it out and let me know your thoughts)
One of the advantages of using Adam4Adam is the ability to learn about a potential sex partner without much effort. Knowing what a guy is into, what he looks like, where he is located and if he is a sexual match can happen quickly because of the information in a profile. There are also personal risks when you depend solely on the information men provide in a profile.
When hooking up it is a dangerous idea to assume that what you see is what you get. Some information that may not be accurate can put you at real risk. There are outright lies (such as dick size, age, and yes, even HIV status) and then there are statements such as ‘D&D Free’, that are usually not intended to be a lie, but are vague assumptions regarding an individual’s health.
Staying drug and disease free is an achievable goal. But there are some real problems with efforts to stay ‘healthy’ that depend on claims like D&D free. When I see statements like this I wonder why men even bother. Is this an attempt to avoid having a conversation about drugs, HIV and STDs? Does putting D&D free U B 2 in a profile help these guys to feel guilt free, as if they are ‘being safe’ and finding ‘safe’ men to have sex with just by making unsupported ascertains about their health?
Don’t get me wrong, I believe that all consenting adults have the right to have sex in whatever way they want, with whoever they want (Bareback included). What I have a problem with is vague messages, like “HIV- U B 2” or ‘D&D Free’ when they are used as a the method of self-promotion and sexual risk reduction.
How does one truly know that they are D&D free? If you are getting tested regularly and have negative results does that mean you are D&D free right now? Do those that post D&D free understand what it means to be tested? Do they know what a negative test means? Are they really tested for all STDs as well? It is important to remember that we cannot assume that we or anyone else is truly D&D free just because it says so in a profile. Staying healthy is not about assumptions, and not even about having sex with HIV- men only. Staying healthy is the result of getting tested being clear of what we will and will not do sexually in our profile and talking to your partners about drug use, HIV and STDs.
Sticking to your standards (using a condom every time, not at all, under certain conditions, etc.) is about saying what you mean and saying it clearly. Saying it in your profile can help weed out mismatched partners and help you to stay healthy according to your own standards of what healthy means to you.
Dave
I get a kick out of guys that put their HIV status with a date that is a year or more older….WFT…does this mean they haven’t had sex in a long time. I test regularly but that does mean I haven’t had sexual contact since then. And test guys do LIE. One guy on here to to list his HIV status as positive….and now makes no mention of it…..that’s WRONG.
In an ideal world, men would know their own health statuses, get tested frequently or as needed, and let other guys know the truth. Alas, that is the “ideal” world, and it ain’t gonna happen no way, no where, no how. Men are men — and they procrastinate, deceive, and lie.
After the scare with ebola that’s been going on, HIV seems tame.
Most of us are ignorant about how difficult it is to really catch HIV. There are male couples that have been together for a decade, in which one partner is +, but the other partner is still negative, so if they can do it, other couples can.
I had always said I would not date someone that has HIV, until about mid-2013, I changed my mind.
I would date a guy with HIV that is a nonsmoker, before I would date a guy that is HIV negative that smokes cigarettes. Being with the latter is far more dangerous and deadly. Smokers stink. Someone with HIV that is a nonsmoker is unlikely to have any smell, assuming good hygiene, taking a bath, shampoo, not eating chitlins every night, etc. Also, a lot of smokers list on their pages “drug and disease free”. You know they are lying. A smoker is not disease free. They are almost guaranteed to get cancer of some sort eventually.
Some guys have other diseases. Syphilis, Herpes, et al. They should be treated the same way as someone with HIV — as all std’s can be spread if a person is engaging in risky behavior.
The longer a male couple endures, health problems will happen. Partner A may get diabetes and have to get injections several times a week. The second partner may have a heart attack and have to have stents put in with open heart surgery. There are so many health ailments out there. One will know the love (or lack thereof) of their partner, based on how they treat the “injured” partner. If the partner seems dismissive or cold, then that may be a sign the relationship is in trouble, and perhaps should be dismantled.
Nearly all of us take drugs. I realize the inferred is heroin, cocaine, etc, but we need to realize some people take prescription/OTC drugs and abuse them. Most of the cases of liver failure are overusage of Tylenol. I keep an open mind on what the person takes, because I take something myself regularly. Sedatives. They help relax my stress, and alleviate insomnia.
I’m all about the D&D. Who doesn’t love dungeons and dragons. And Magic the Gathering.
But seriously I remember this topic from way back. This site should be taken the same as if it were a club. Guys will lie no matter what platform it’s on. Grindr, A4A, bar, OKC, CL. And 9/10 we know they’re lying about one aspect of their profile so what makes us think anything else is true? Our dick and ass, that’s what. So if you’re horny and want to make the decision to bareback because we know how much better that feels, then go for it. But don’t blame the person for lying. And don’t accuse social media websites for having these options that allow men to lie. It’s only your responsibility to trust whether or not you want to get plowed unsafely and we all know the possible repercussions.
A4A: EzzyFresh
As an HIV + man who is undetectable I think we are sometimes the safest to play with. Unfortunately it’s the recently infected, previously tested neg guys that are the highest risk with sky high viral loads. The vast majority of men who know they are poz now have an undectable viral load and are monitored at a pretty frequent level. Transmission risk is extremely low for undetectable guys. Some studies have shown zero if on meds
Perhaps the greatest difficulty in notifying partners online of your preferences is the very limited 500-odd word limit on A4A profiles. Removing this restriction with the new site upgrades would be very helpful. Also, given the endless permutations of possible sexual and nonsexual activity with a wide variety of partners, it simply isn’t possible to explore the possibilities in anything less than a novella with a centerfold of flow charts. My apologies if your own is a pamphlet.
A4A is more like a leaflet stuck under the windshield wiper “Get laid now! Ask me how!” Yet one cannot possibly figure out what one might get away with safely without a conversation. But nobody wants this; they want immediate insertion unencumbered by conversation. Quite a few on here think this is a John Rechy story and are consequently married to secrecy, precluding any honest disclosure of even their first name, let alone lab results. Given the IQ distribution curve and the size of the windshield, DDF U B 2″ is about all many can manage. And for that I forgive them, even if I do look askance as that particular windshield drives by my monitor.
If I look at the A4A members within 2 or so miles of me in my urban neighborhood, over half of them self-disclose that they have HIV – and I warmly appreciate your honesty even while I feel pangs that my brothers are dealing with such a difficult burden. I am compassionate and friendly, but I draw the line at having sex with people who have hiv or who do meth. Not having sex with people who have hiv or who do brain-unhinging drugs prevents the spread of misery – it’s simple.
The free-for-all, hit-and-run sexuality of the internet encourages bad behavior in many. People will lie about these things in order to gain a moment’s advantage, and I sort of wish this dishonest behavior regarding hiv status was criminal here, as I know it is in other jurisdictions. I think this should be countered with the removal of profiles/memberships of people who say unkind things about people who have hiv.
In order to encourage the conversation the blogger suggests, my own profile is friendly but makes it clear that I’m not a casual person. I require potential online friends and sex partners to make an effort at conversation, at civility. I don’t jump into things. I take the time to get to know you a bit and I require that you do the same on my behalf. That level of displayed self-control and mutual respect is an important indicator of one’s willingness to engage in safe sex and to prevent the spread of various shenanigans.
Have fun! Don’t forget to lay down a dropcloth first!
walkerd36
This is just another flag to prompt the use of the BLOCK feature. Your assertion may have been true, however the next time you have sex, everything may change. Don’t let an idiot make you one…
There are enough things in life that separate us in the Gay community , race ,age,weight, Fear. This makes “THEM” stronger.
I avoid the profiles that say “D&D Free.” I like my Dungeons & Dragons too much.
This is a very well-written post! I was one of those dumb f*cks who would use the “DDF” moniker. Lo and behold, I’m now HIV Poz. SURPRISE!!!! As they say, assume everyone is poz and trust no one!
I agree with this one hundred percent dave, I am hiv pos but undetectable and i am always rejected by people who post d&d free ub2 in there profiles. you are saying true statements about this. I know my status and i am regularly tested but i am not discriminating against people who are negative but i would like respect for me of someone who is pos.. My thoughts conclude that members of a4a can have their prefences only if they comply with respect for others/
As an undetectable person myself I often find it offensive to see that .. And this is the reason; it puts as stigma out there that we are not worthy as human beings, if it were cancer everyone could dismiss that as its not going to get me then boom bang they find out different do we make them less of a person for that ?… I feel ppl whom post that cannot see the humanity in all of us .. I am not saying they are wrong but we cannot be that blind or ignorant after all we are all in this human race together and unfortunately none of us get out of it alive … Just saying
I like this post. I tested positive for HIV about 6 years ago; the person I hooked up with didn’t tell me he had it and to be fair, I didn’t really spend much time investigating and we weren’t safe. I would say it was a lot his responsibility and a good deal my responsibility too. In this day and age we are just completely reckless. We get a high head about what we look like; if we have visible abs or muscles or a handsome, rugged face or if we haven’t eaten in the last 4 years…we feel that we are desirable – and our own GLBT media promotes that idea so we buy into it. We also feel that makes us somewhat or completely invincible.
So when Hottie McBody sleeps with us and brings along his Chlamydiae, HIV and Hep C…we have a complete meltdown because (1) we don’t know what to do because we don’t educate ourselves and (2) our first reaction is “No one will fuck me anymore!!!”
I wish that we could somehow refocus ourselves into being more responsible people – and also just more accepting people. We demand so much from our society, but if someone is slightly overweight or black or Asian we won’t give them the time of day. hehe, we’re so hateful.
So it makes me happy that you put this article on here, even if it’s an old message. It’s an important message and still applies to us.
I generally agree with the blog but one important aspect was left out – how it makes HIV + individuals feel to read that demeaning comment over and over again in personals. It is bad enough to deal with this disease but to be being categorized as undesirable in a throw away abbreviation is particularly a downer. As if to say you’re not even important enough to say “I find you attractive but I cannot take the risks of a sexual relationship. I wish you well and I hope you find someone special” This UB2 crap makes it sound like being HIV + is a choice and poz people are the losers that chose wrong. In other words the same thing heterosexuals have always said about gays and particularly gays with HIV. Either that or they think poz people can magically snap their fingers and suddenly be unpositive Basically it’s best insensitive and at worst a bigoted. It’s bad enough that straight people dump on us with out other gay people turning on their own as well.
Let’s not forget there are so many other things that D&D may not include, such as crabs. So, you used a condom (or not), that’s fine, it just takes one person, one encounter to get them; no matter how much you practice “safer” sex.
I personally know a 75 yo man that has given hep b to two ppl. Both lived though
I find it funny how so many gays say they are D&D free when they only took a test for HIV.. HIV IS NOT THE ONLY STD OUT THERE.. What makes it even funnier is the men who have to “party” in order to have sex, or have to do threesome and group sex, or go to their local bath house to have sex.. Are you men that desperate than you have to dp one of the above in order to enjoy having sex? All i can do is laugh at all this foolshiness
I really like what Dave has written here and I will be honest I am guilty of thIs. Whenever I would read that on a profile my first thought in the back of mind would be I could mess around with this person without the worry of catching something because they have really taken care of themselves. So when you meet that person and you start going into sexual mode I wouldnt even ask the question of status and neither did they and automatically barebacking was a go and the guys who had that written on their profile all did barebacking with me. Through the years I have listened to people tell me that guys that use drugs are the guys who carry diseases because their inhibititons are down and they become careless and thats ignorant of me to think like that but i do know that guys who use drugs have given me the best sexual experiences. lol!! Thank you for opening my eyes and what I need to do is assume everyone around me is infected with something then i will be sure to protect myself each time.
This is much better than having the CLEAN word in your profile. I wish Dave addressed that more than anything else. Nothing is wrong with saying you are D & D free U B 2. Someone is categorically stating what they are looking for and need – it is up to YOU the person messaging them to further ask : When last were u tested to be STI free ? It’s all about choices but using that word CLEAN in your profile is an auto delete by me – I don’t even talk to you. End HIV Stigma!!!
Man – it’s such a slippery slope. I used to be lulled by the d/d free monicker, and even fallen into barebacking several times. Always heard as the top I was unlikely to get anything even if the d/d title was … um … dated! And I did dodge the bullet for quite some time. But then I got with a high school chemistry teacher – careful, clean, super smart – and he loved BBing. Very rarely though, and nothing for ages. But somehow I caught cyllamidia from him. Got it treated and thought I was smarter for the experience, but either the condom broke or there was too much foreplay before use, but I was suddenly struggling with ghonnoreah. (And apologies for mis-spellings) It turned out to be the drug-resistant type too – a bear to get rid of!! A lot more careful now-a-days, but suddenly I find myself dating a guy on prep who is into BB. I won’t do it, but the pressure is always there. And I keep asking myself if the qualities I really like about this guy over-ride this very negative aspect of his personality. It definitely keeps us from being as close as I’d like at this point. And i think it will end up being insurmountable if he continues to play that risky game. We all get to make our own choices though, and I just have to make mine a safe one.
You know, there are those of us who actually DO get tested on a schedule and who aren’t hooking up all the time, so we can actually make a fairly educated guess about who/what/when/where if — heaven forbid — we catch something. Sure, you can put the date of when you found out when you were negative or poz or the day you won Miss Congeniality. It’s something to work off of if down the line you do get HIV or Hep C. It’s better than nothing, isn’t it?
Oh, and let me tell you about guys in my area. There’s this list someone compiled which contains a ton of screen names (many A4A) for who one should watch out for because they’ve either been seen with a profile that says they’re poz or they’re undetectable or whatever else. It’s interesting that when you look at the guy’s profile, you’ll either see he’s calling himself negative, or he’s omitted it. There’s been this huge debate in the community about it — is it illegal to have such a list, or is it libelous to distribute it, etc. (Never mind the question of who put it together, LOL). Some people say it’s helped them avoid potential infection, others say it’s ruining their lives because of “lies”. Then you get the few who are unrepentant; they’re proudly poz and very much willing to “gift” anyone who asks. It’s all fucked up.
Stating one is D&D Free should mean one gets tested at least every three months for HIV and STDs or haven’t had sex since their last test. Unfortunately, we all know that is not the case on this site.
So, just assume every guy with which you hook up is positive and use a condom every time.
I hate when guys but HIV+ but undetectable because if thats the case then how the fuck do you even know you got it??? Make that shit make sense
What is the big deal about HIV? It’s like u folks r stuck in the 90’s. You guys that refuse to hookup with poz guys r not current with the latest research. Poz guys on meds r the safest fucks. Google “partner study” Wouldn’t it b amazing if people could just chill and enjoy sex without fear?
Well i personally like to put my HIV+ status as the first words in my profile. People need to know before the start a conversation with me about getting together for sex. As and over the road trucker i do get around a lot all over this country and not bragging (ok I am a little) but i do get laid almost every night in my semi. You would not believe how many guys i have meet on the road and at home that have DDF and HIV- in there profile but want to have unprotected sex with me and always want my load in them. When i ask them whats that about, many tell me they are poz but are afraid to tell people so they lie about it. I always tell them the most important thing you can do for yourself and others is to be honest. Being HIV+ is not a prize but it’s not a disgrace. A lot of people tell me that the reason they get with me is because i’m honest and keep it real. Just remenber when i guy has DDF and/or HIV- it means nothing or it means he’s hiding something. Know your statue and own up to it.
So what does it mean when some guys profile don’t have neither positive or negative?can we right away make an assumption of as they being positive, is that the case? I’m all confused . I’m fairly new to this site..
I’ve had sex with several “D&D free” guys only to find out later they were nicotine addicts, alcoholics, taking anti-depressants and anxiolytics, and taking meds for heart disease just for starters. Oh! That explains the limp dick!
It’s a no-brainer that no one wants to contract HIV. However, keep in mind, you are much more likely to die from pulmonary, cardiovascular, lung, and kidney disease, unintentional accidents, suicide, cancer, and Alzheimers than mutli-drug resistant HIV. So in the end, when it comes down to morbidity and mortality, you “D&D free and UB2” men need to consider guys who simply take good care of themselves and live healthy lifestyles.
Know matter what… we are all going to die some day.
Normally when I see people writing that in their profiles, more times than not is because they’re cheating husbands or paranoid ‘straight-looking’ guys….so my personal guess is they just want to have fun with other men but given our not-so-subtle stereotype reputation as homosexuals (let’s be honest about that….) they’re too scared to give the first step unless they make sure there’s absolutely no risk.
Good God the whole world labeling everything and classifying it. DdF guys also have no respect for the feelings of medical marijuana patients. It’s medicine and we shouldn’t be made to feel dirty about it. It makes me pissed of to see it hurts HIV positive humans, they have no class.
My favorite profile is of a Latino that states he is a top and is looking for a negative bottom that he can bareback. Then in his profile he mentions “Negative and Safe Only”….now say WTF. I’m fit and clean as hell and it shows in my photos. I get hookup messages from people that look like crap stating they are D&D and plan on staying that way……what they hell they think I am going to do, give them HIV and shove drugs down their throats. It’s their bloodstream and bad habits we should be concerned with. It’s amazing how people will try to make the hot fit guy look like a sleaze bag.
My profile states my HIV status, my disease status, the approximate month the test is good for, and I do test for everything. So in the context of this blog post, what does that make me?
Oh yes – never did drugs, too.
While I can honestly attest to disease free part of D&D free, I NEVER make the claim (anymore) that I’m disease free. How would I know without any doubts that I still am? I’ve had sex within an hour of having a battery of negative tests. Not to be an alarmist, but I’ve even had very mild mannered encounters that created a problem. A year ago I tested negative (for everything) got head literally two hours later, and ended up with chlamydia just from that; and yes, this really does happen more often than we think. Of course, as you can expect, two guys later, symptoms developed, and so I had to contact all three guys and have them test and retest. It was definitely guy #1, but that’s neither here nor there. Something so mild and insignificant put a 10 day kink in my plans and put two other guys at risk. My rule of thumb for D&D free is to use common sense. Just assume everyone has something–even me– play safe, get tested, and trust no one. Hate to dwell in pessimism, but in 2014, and with the advent of online hook ups and dating (a4a, Grindr, Scruff), having more than one partner in the same day is somewhat routine now. We just have to keep it handy in our thoughts that D&D has a shelf life much shorter than we realize–at least the disease facet of it.
My feeling is that if you’re asked about your status, you answer honestly. If he doesn’t ask, there’s usually no moral obligation to volunteer the information. If you’re posting your info, tell the truth.
My policy is honesty. It’s easier than remembering which lie you told and to whom.
That being said, there’s a 50/50 chance he’s not being honest.
U create a problem where there is none. Safe sex means condoms DUH…. only way safer is NO SEX…..peronally i m more annoyed that guys don t…won t read profiles AT ALL n still ask questions that CLEARLY say on my profile even PRE SET statements such as i m VERSE…yet they always ask……..
Nothig wrong w stating D&D free..u be too….but overall YPU are in control of ur own health and ANYONE who just takes another persons word n has bb or unsafe sex DESERVES whatever std they get….PERIOD.
Maybe it’s just me, but when I see or I’m using the D&D free moniker it is NOT to say to those here who are + or have addictions “stay away.” Unlike those who blatantly scream NO FATS, NO FEMS, NO Wht/Blk, NO green eggs and ham! It means that I test & I don’t indulge. U do U, but know where I stand. I’m not rejecting U, I am asserting myself. Just like when I tell U I like jazz, nipple play, want a relationship and prefer to meet in public.
Serosorting is so 1980, I live in the DC area, and almost 99% of the guys on Adam have HIV- in their profile, which in most cases I know to be a blatant lie. As someone who has been HIV poz for 16 years, undetectable, I just ignore those profiles that have the D&D free in them and chalk it up as their right to segregate themselves. But gets me is when poz guys who were fed up with this particular level of discrimination created their own websites like BBRT.com in order to edify each via sexual conquest, the neg guys crept over there at first looking for bareback sex and then as bareback became”safe” again started instituting the same discriminatory serosorting practices there as well. The take away is fuck who you want how you want, but if you are a segregationist create your own site, and leave alone those who wanna fuck together.
As someone who has been HIV poz since March 2000 and have been undetectable upon getting on meds and adhering to my medicinal regimen (basically been testing undetectable since August 2000), I find terms like “HIV free and trying to stay that way”, “DD Free-UB2”, “Seeking a ‘clean’ man”, “HIV Free, UB2” and others extremely offensive. As if we are “dirty”. But, with all thee articles in Medical magazines, websites, and journals, men who are undetectable transmit HIV far less and those newly tested positive guys or those guys who list that their don’t know their status or the ones that say that they are negative, but haven’t had a test since the Clinton administration. I, personally, face rejection because many profiles I run into say “if you don’t workout, we won’t work out” (meaning that “if you don’t stay in the gym for 25-30 hours out of the week and have a six pack, then, you are a fat slob and don’t you dare say hello to me”…and I am 6′. 200 lbs, with a 34” waist)and most Black guys (and a few White, Latino, Middle Eastern, and Asian) don’t want to date a Black guy with a light complexion (that is if they date Black guys at all). But to throw this in makes me feel like I am alone at times. And I have been in a VERY dark place because of it. Even swallowed a bunch of pills one night. Dave, thank you so much for this blog.
HIV incubation is up to 6 months. So If you are totally celibate after a SECOND hiv test 6 months after the first THEN you can claim you are entirely free of HIV. I also see many profiles of other POZ men who don’t admit it, as well as poz men who come out of the poz closet when they approach me. I’m very selective, and used to only disclose my status when the rare prospect of a physical meeting came up. It was a learning experience for many of them since I have been described as the “picture of health”.
I’m amazed at how many guys fail to notice my claimed status now until I ask. It no longer bothers me when the conversation quickly drops off, and I waste no time trying to convince them that safe sex with me is far less dangerous than exposing themselves to those with total unawareness and a high viral loads. Some of these same guys turn up as POZ months and years after rejecting me.
When I see DDFUB2 on a profile I quickly delete my trace and move on. These people are deluding themselves in a fools paradise because such behavior can lead to a myriad of other unwanted STDS. I guess that is why I am coming up on 3 years celibate.
I’ve been hiv+ since 1983 I’m on my third cocktail regimen but made the decision to change meds because of unwanted side effects and not regimen failure. I’m Omni sexual and capable of monogamy with either sex. Despite several LTRs it has stopped with me.
I also don’t want to be exposed to a newfangled strain that is highly mutated to be medication resistant. Nor do I want tuberculosis, other STDs or any form of Hepatitis.
The only problem that I have when people post that is that they are typically using that to try to avoid contracting HIV. They’ll even say that they only play with HIV- people. However, forgetting the more communicable diseases like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, and genital warts. The reason I have a problem with it is it perpetuates the ignorance about HIV contraction. If you’re truly having safe sex, positive people aren’t the ones you should be averse to. It also causes people who are positive to lie about their statuses online, because otherwise people don’t or wouldn’t speak to them. So for the majority out there who believe you’re only fucking around with Hiv – people, you’ve probably already been with quite a few + people and just didn’t know it, because their status at the bottom of the page said negative. Just something to think about.
From what I have read it could take up to 8 to 10 months for HIV to show up in a test. That depends on the stain and other things. Think about it. Condoms guys.
I was told by a guy I chatted with here to some length, when I asked if he new who infected him 10 years prior, he said he did, the guy also mentioned he was neg., the guy told him that is what poz people do, consider it a gift. I was like, that guy needs to be prosecuted (if he is still alive) for passing on a deadly disease knowingly.
I see no reason to get tested every time I have a nice long bate session with a guy. I doubt I can get anything by sucking on a nice set of smooth balls. Licking a god cock, soft or hard. I assume everyone is positive of something.
Safe sex pays off. Not into anal of any kind. I like his and my cock up front where I can see and enjoy them. There is so much more when you can see everything. Love to see his juice shooting all over the place, Love to see his face when he shoots. I think that is so much more personal and together than just pounding a hole.
Thanks
This is dead on! Guys lie point blank. I never trust what’s in a guys profile anymore. I always talk about std and HIV. I met a guy off here, his stats listed he was std and HIV neg. great… When we met and was out talking we also discussed these so called facts… In the long run he lied… He did have HIV I’m just glad I was safe but when we put such hate and resentment to HIV pos guys what do we expect? They want love just like we do (and sex). a lot more guys would be open about there stats if people can be more open and non judgemental….
here’s a part of the deal that I often forget about. I was tested for hiv and more a few years ago when I was very sick (not sex related.) Now more than 10 years later, after nearly dieing back then, my sex life changed…and I play however I want…but am not a bottom. I have been afraid to regularly get tested. Two weeks ago, I went to give blood. One thing I never realized is that for years they have been testing me everytime I gave blood. I do not have to regularly check because I give blood every 56-60 days. THEY test it and know my true identity. If I was positive, they would contact me. It has never happened. Whew!!!
I totally get everyone wants a good time and it not to bite them later.But a major turn off when guys be like be D&D free or don’t even say hi.When have the time they mess around bareback with guys who are totally Pos and never disclose it.So when your honest and upfront about your status- they can be venomous. just weird
As a paranoid but horny (or is that horny but paranoid?) closeted married guy who’s had sex with many other guys over the years and believes he takes all necessary precautions, my two cents here is, sure, seeing D&DF in a profile can’t hurt. But I still ask a ton of questions before going near anyone. With all due respect to the lives poz guys carry on, I can’t risk bringing anything home to my wife of nearly 30 years.
That all said, I can ask a zillion questions, can see a profile with a dozen different ways of indicating a guy’s safety practices, but when it comes down to the sex, I’ll still approach any guy as if he’s poz. It’s the only sensible thing to do – the rest is all semantics.
OK…So here is my question. When someone on the site says that they are HIV- when you meet the person for the first time during a “Hook UP”, do you present DOCUMENTATION to confirm this or what???:) Think about it guys… Also, what about everybody who wishes to play safe and use a CONDOM? HIV and various other virus and diseases can be avoided this way, BUT, is everybody so misguided to believe that all will be well at that point? What about those tranmitable diseases that can be contacted??? When we are being realistic about the situation as a whole, today having sex with another person would only be really considered SAFE when arriving in a SPACE SUIT:) (I forget the name of the outfit required when treating a patient with Ebola, but those too would be appropriate!:) I would imagine today the only sexual experiences we should expect presently with all that is going on, is TELEPATHY? Oh wait! MENTAL ILLNESSES, are they contagious or what???
FYI:
Many people are very afraid, needlessly:
From “The Swiss Statement”:
“In February 2006, Swiss experts issued a statement concluding that HIV-positive individuals who are on effective antiretroviral therapy (ART),…,cannot transmit HIV through sexual contact.”
I’m not an extremist, but many base their fear of HIV on old, outdated hearsay.
[I strongly suspect that many people commonly have sexual encounters with people who are unaware of their status, or are not upfront. I think the real danger is from those newly infected, or don’t know they are.]
So, safer than condoms alone, but less safe than condoms & effective treatment.
[More recent ([ ]s need to be removed):
medscape.[com]/viewarticle/782173?nlid=30890_721&src=wnl_edit_medp_aids&uac=50557PJ&spon=1]
medscape.[com]/viewarticle/805675?nlid=31748_721&src=wnl_edit_medp_aids&uac=50557PJ&spon=1
medscape.[com]/viewarticle/805740?nlid=31748_721&src=wnl_edit_medp_aids&uac=50557PJ&spon=1
More:
medscape.[com]/viewarticle/818121?nlid=44943_721&src=wnl_edit_medp_aids&uac=50557PJ&spon=1
Of Particular interest:
[http:]//www.cdc.[gov]/hiv/prevention/research/art/
http://www.aidsmap.[com]/Treatment-is-prevention-HPTN-052-study-shows-96-reduction-in-transmission-when-HIV-positive-partner-starts-treatment-early/page/1879665/
http://www.aidsmap.[com]/No-one-with-an-undetectable-viral-load-gay-or-heterosexual-transmits-HIV-in-first-two-years-of-PARTNER-study/page/2832748/
“The second large study to look at whether people with HIV become non-infectious if they are on antiretroviral therapy (ART) has found no cases where someone with a viral load under 200 copies/ml transmitted HIV, either by anal or vaginal sex.”
More:
http://www.medscape.[com]/viewarticle/827135?nlid=59705_721&src=wnl_edit_medp_aids&uac=50557PJ&spon=1
http://www.medscape.[com]/viewarticle/818611
“…no transmissions occurred among couples in which the infected partners viral load was under 1500 copies/mL”.
Yes I get people putting down poz people, just imagine how often guys in there 50’s feel when people are so negative about being your age,which is a normal life process. Most guys here could use some sensitivity class….
I’d rather fuck a dude who is honest about his status and takes care of himself. There are numerous men who use DDF, UB2 and are just fucking anything that walks and they are completely unsafe. When I fuck a guy I would love for him to be honest about his health status. However, using slang like; DDF or clean can make guys who are positive feel like they need to hide. If a guy is real and secure in himself. I’m game to Fuk him. I just use protection
Many guys lie. Straight or gay. On dating sites, in business, to their families and friends, or in courts of law. Women do, as well.
In the case of dating or hookup sites and any posted information, if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
Be careful Be safe. Take your time. Be selective. Those won’t guarantee any outcome, but will go a long way.
everything we do is a risk unfortunately. u could get tested nov. 1st, have negative results come back on nov. 6 and have had sex everyday since the test and suddenly become positive and not know until your next test. or you could get hit by a bus….:)
It is even worse than that, initial infection results in very high VLs (Viral Loads), so, one is most infectious shortly after primary infection. Days before an antibody test is positive.
As a person whos hiv poz, get most offended by the question “are you clean”?..my answer is yrs..I shower daily and brush my teeth. Just cuz I have hiv dont make me dirty ok?
lol Thanks, Joey for your comment! I’m one of those 40 year olds with the libido of a 25 year old, and I look like I’m in my early 30’s. And people get negative just over that stupid 40 number.
But, I digress. I’m actually glad for this comment thread because it provides enlightening insight. I’m definitely going to change how I approach people. Thanks, all, for the discussion.
Of interest:
http://i-base.info/guides/testing/timeline-for-immune-responses-and-testing
http://www.avert.org/stages-hiv-infection.htm
I know a few guys on a4a that are poz and don’t include that in their profile. The ones that get me are the ones that don’t know. I live in Denver, tons of free places to be tested, i do it every 3 months.
I’m HIV+, it is the kiss of death to the POSSIBILITY of any relationship, most of the time. People base their irrational fears about HIV, on old, outdated hearsay, not the science. It is punative to force anyone to publicly announce their sexual history.
Very recent:
http://www.nbcnews.[com]/health/health-news/most-americans-hiv-missing-treatment-cdc-says-n255921
HIV is not the only thing you should be testing for to be “clean”