Gay Stuff : From Boyfriend To Roommate
We all know the scenario, two guys who have been in a relationship for some time are having problems and they decide to break up. For whatever reason one of them can’t move out and they end up being roommates.
They lay the ground rules down and things are moving along nicely. They go to dinner together, movies, hangout on the weekends. They do everything they use to do together except at the end of the day instead of going to one bedroom they go to their own rooms.
Eventually one of them starts to pull away from the other one and starts doing more things on his own. While they are broken up there are still a lot of unresolved feelings that haven’t had a chance to heal. It’s during this time that one of them starts dating again.
Suddenly the other one wants him back. This is where it gets all crazy. Emotions fly and feeling get hurt, those unresolved feeling have a way of getting resolved. Sometimes these guys end up back together or one finally moves out.
Being friends with an ex is a great thing but only after you have had time to resolve any unresolved feelings. It’s probably easier if you are the one breaking up but if you are the one being kicked to the curb, do yourself a favor and take the time.
Thoughts? Comments?
g skorich
The scenario is flawed from the beginning. You can’t truly break up and still live together. I know this from first hand experience. That type of situation only prolongs the final true break up.
“We all the know the scenario”…not really actually. If you break up with your boyfriend the most stupid thing you can do is to keep living with him. I actually wonder who falls for that crap?
This is so Anthony and I…
Worst decision ever in my life was allowing a diseased relationship to fester. It doesn’t allow time for growth from either party. If and when both are able to move into better circumstances the sooner the better.
I did this for 5 years. Even moved in a new BF. It was perfectly fine. We are still friends to this day.
I met this guy on line. We hooked up a few times.Things looked promising for a while. I let him move in with me. Shortly after he moved inhe decided he didn’t want to have sex with me anymore because I reminded him of an uncle figure. I am 25 years older than him which didn’t bother him at first. Now we are just roommates and things are cool
You seem like you’ve really been feeling some type of way lately…
Anyway anything serious enough to break up about, you shouldn’t want to live together. I swear, these days guys will break up with you because they find out you wear contacts. Wtf
Terrible idea unless the breakup was a mutual decision. As you mentioned, all unresolved feelings must be solved before that relationship can transition into a healthy friendship. In this scenario, if one guy decides to end the relationship, and feelings aren’t mutual then hanging out “as if” they were still together is only going to complicate things and rekindle the fire for the bf that was dumped. Just like giving false hope that one day they’ll end up in the same bed again and the bf that ended the relationship knows it will never happen again. Out of courtesy exes living together should not be bringing home new guys to begin new relationships with, one, that makes the new guy uncomfortable, knowing the guy he wants his already been had by his roommate. Insecure guys would not be able to handle that. there’s so many negatives that could come from that situation, I’d say avoid it if possible
Get out! Never really works out in the end. Break up, move out, and move on. If you want to be friends, hit them up in 3 years, long after the emotions have died off.
I have been with my partner for a year and it seems our relationship is all business. We haven’t had sex in months!!! I thought we were gay men here? The problem is is that we moved way to fast and I moved into his place a month after being together. We are still together after a year, but it comes at a price. I just am not sure if I am truly happy. One day were good, the next who knows. Sometimes I wish i was single just so I could focus on priorities in my life, not the shared priorities of being in a relationship. Thoughts? (Other than breaking up lol because I have tried that so many times)
gotta move out regardless!! one will always have issues with what the other does/doesn’t do.
that same thing just happened to me! I’m 26 I dated him when I turned 20 and have continued to work and support a 34 year old man who lives with his mother. I moved in to help them out and now that he broke up with me he gets jealous when I go out on dates and I felt the same but now I! over him. like you said it takes time. I know I’ll find someone’s else. 🙂
I’m in this situation at the moment not really sure how to go about things with him. He went on a date a few hours after we broke up just seems like he quit caring Still in an weird area emotionally for me but for the most part I think I’m over it. He’s been my best/boy friend for over 3years he says he’s moving out in May to the other side of the country. I will still miss him a lot tho.
Im going through something like that
heh…been there. Did that. I mean exactly as written. All of it. In the end, however, we are still best of friends and that’s some 5 years after the ending of our relationship. I’m of a few minds about this so I’ll just lay out the things that have made me go “hmmmm…”
First off, relationships like this often end for various reasons, however, in many cases the love can still be there. The hurt one feels is result of this love. I mean seriously, if you didn’t love the guy then I’m guessing there’d be no relationship and he’d not be able to hurt you after the fact, right?
Second, being with someone for an extended period of time, there is an interdependence that happens no matter how independent one says they are. Emotional support, sexual support, moral support, financial support. It all gets woven together. Breaking up means a separation of that and it is scary. Factor in the fact that no matter how much time has passed, you’re getting older and then there’s the questions of who will love me as I get older…am I gonna be alone, etc.
With my ex and I, despite the craziness we went through, we made it a point to talk about our feelings. We took the stance that while we lived together, as we both were paying the bills, one cannot tell another man what to do or what not to do in his home. Thus, if he had company I may not like it but it was his home. Don’t get me wrong…it was a very, very painful time but we got through it.
We also made a point to vow to each other that no matter what, we’d always remain friends. We were and are of a mind that we loved each other for seven and a half years and lived together, just because we were no longer in a relationship with each other did not mean that our friendship had to go away too.
In closing, it’s painful. It seems crazy but in the end, I agree…it takes time. I do believe there has to be an ending period to end. In this situation, if you cannot physically move out at that time, there should definitely be plans to separate so that you can heal.
There’s a lot more that can be said on this, but I won’t. 🙂
Thanks for reading!
correction: An ending period to HEAL.
My ex and I a great friends going g on 20 years. 10 years as partners and 10 years as friends post break up. The longer the term of the relationship the more likely you are to salvage a friendship. Plus the family connections last awhile.
The more important news today regarding gay issue what is going on in Uganda – “Uganda Tabloid Prints Names of People It Says Are Homosexual”.
Maybe we can spent time on something more serious today than silly issues as boyfriends’ jealousy.
My ex tried this crap on me. I one upped him, though. I announced to everyone that we were going to sell the house. He thought we could live together. Sure, so I could continue to financially support his sorry ass! That didn’t happen. It cost a lot, partly because we both had to buy all new furniture (let’s hear it for Ikea!)
We’ve been separated almost 7 years. I’m a much better person for it, and my sex life is sensational. Don’t care about him or his, though! I may sound bitter. I’m not. I’ve been through far too much therapy to be where I am today and my life couldn’t be any better!
No freaking way would I ever consider being in that kind of a situation. If things were bad when we were dating, just think how they would be as roommates!
How ironic that this article comes out as I am in this situation right now…….
He is in his part of the house. I am in my part of the house.
We share the kitchen and daily dinner due to costs. That’s it, nothing more.
He can date all he wants, he can screw all he wants.
Myself, I am just biding my time until it’s time to move, which will be less than 5 months away and 3000 miles away.
Let me reiterate, TAKE THE TIME!! It will not seem like you need to, but if you don’t it will haunt you. Then when the one he’s been dating doesn’t work out, he’ll decide he wants you back and you (not having taken the time to rresolve your issues) will take him back. The next thing you know, you have wasted two more years ofyour life with an asshole!!!
I was in that situation, from bf to roommates. It definitely was not easy. Yes we did the usual activities, movies, dinner, drinks, etc. In addition I was still cooking, cleaning, laundry and making sure his needs were met, minus the sex and intimacy. This went on for a few years. Friends have told me that I should leave him, give myself time and space. I couldn’t, I got accustomed to this dysfunctional situation. Then the hook ups started, I couldn’t deal. So I started doing the same, except I did it out of spite and was putting myself in harms way. The fights started not so long afterwards. I found myself going deeper into depression, self hatred and low self esteem ( which was low to begin with from how our relationship was unraveling). It got really unbearable and emotionally painful, and I started blaming him, bad mouthing him and even checking up on his where about’s and who is with. Finally I had decided to leave. My family lives close by, so I packed and left. The first two weeks was unbearable, I see him on A4A everyday/night. I know what he is up to. My friends were supportive and surprisingly so was my ex. It’s been almost 2 months now, yes, living with my family was a blessing. They constantly make me smile, I barely check him. I’m also starting to find and see myself with each passing day. Do I miss him, of course I do. It’s not easy to just stop caring for a person that you shared a life with for some period. We talk a few times a week, we are slowly reconnecting again. I definitely see him in a different light nowadays. I hope with each passing day we’ll become even closer friends, even a brother that I never had. As bad as how this turned out. I learned from this relationship. I count my blessings for him coming into my life. Yes it could be worse, but it didn’t and instead I feel a blossoming of a new relationship in the coming days.
Time and space really helps, it’s not just to resolve the issues of a broken relationship, but also to purge this person out from you, and to reconnect with yourself as well, and find yourself too.
Been there. Done that. Twice. Interestingly enough lived with the two at the same time! I was with one ex for 5 years as boyfriends/fiancés. Two days after a wedding planning party we called things off. We realized that we just did not have that kind of bond anymore. But we are best friends and care tremendously for each other. Lived with him for two years since (just got a preapproval for a mortgage so working on moving out). During those two years, I started dating someone else, as did he. His boyfriend lived with us for a while until that ended. Then mine boyfriend’s parents (with whom he resided) decided to move away. Since he was still in school and didn’t want to transfer, he was left with no option but to move in. My ex agreed to it. A year and a half later we ended our relationship but he had no where to go so he moved into the “bar/lounge” in the finished basement. So I lived with two of my exs! The latest one moved out a month and a half ago and I’m moving towards my own place, much to my first ex’s dismay. He really expects us to live together for I want to say ever! His current boyfriend is probably moving in soon and he’s even asked me to stay. No way Jose! I want my own place!
AH YES, THE GOOD OLE’ EX BOYFRIEND TRAP.
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION TO RELY ON A MAN, YET ALONE AN EX BOYFRIEND?
I am reallu hurting by this butthole. I just need tovget back home. He is so rude and self rightous..
Had that happen twice, once with disastrous results and once totally opposite. The 1st time my bf was a possessive asshole who kept total control of my every move(my fault I let him, his fault for doing so). When we finally broke up I was the only one with a job so I let him stay in the apartment. A few weeks later I hooked up with a guy and the ex walks in on us and creates a huge scene and physical confrontation. I ended up moving. The second time the ex and I simply got bored with each other but we have remained friends and f/b’s even though both of are seeing others. He even got married,lol! I guess a lot depends on the level of respect in the relationship and the motivations of the individuals. I’m certain I’m not the only one to fall in love at the first drop of a zipper but I didn’t think an individual could be that cold and calculating as my 1st lover was. He and I have no relationship of any sort, zero contact while my most recent ex and I are constantly in touch and on occasion share hookups. I’m grateful for the economy size boxes of condoms.
I’ve posted here before that I have no problem remaining friends with my ex’s… But roommates is another matter…
If we’re living together as a couple & we decide to split, then someone needs to go! Friends? yes, roommates? Not only no, HELL no!
I’ve had a really bad experience in that situation early in life..very early 20’s..we broke up but both decided to be roommates..I thought we were both comfortable with it..we both saw other people. .but I guess when he saw me with someone else. .he lost it..he try killing me with a hammer to the head.he went to prison..and I went on to never having another steady relationship with a man to this day..im 40 now and I have a hard time getting comfortable having sex with a guy..I say..move out before you date others!! And if you already split apart..you should have already exhausted your attempts to resolve any issues. .best of luck everyone!
I just got out of that situation when the thrill is gone it’s gone I thought that it would chNge and maybe the love would come back but it didn’t and found myself miserable not wanting to be there and overall bad for my health so I moved out and was able to heal properly when that happens and you have the opportunity to leave do yourself a favor and move
well i am living proof that it can work my ex and i have lived together for over a year and we still get along fine even better now.
Never been here and never will. I have had 4 LTR’s and I have not shared a place with one of them. Sure we spent time at each other’s places, but they were all set in their ways and I in mine. I like having freedom. In each case I knew we would not last. Two moved away and one got back with his ex and the one now has his house all done and I am just there for a visit. Fine with me. Never have wanted to live with another guy anyway.
I’m currently in this situation. I moved in with my boyfriend 5 months after we started dating and I ended it with him two weeks before thanksgiving. Told him I wasn’t in love and didn’t know if I will fall in love with him.. I do love and care about him which made the decision hard. When we broke up he asked if I was going to stay and I said the decision was up to him. He said it was fine as long as we were civil. Plus he really needed a roommate. Well I found out through Facebook he had told my best friend he felt differently. So when word got back to me I confronted him and we had one last argument. We tried being civil and even walked on egg shells around each other. After a couple of weeks things returned to normal and it was like nothing ever happened, minus the sex lol. He says he’s over it and that I can stay as long as I want but there are times I feel like he’s not completely over it. I still have feelings for him and think about getting back together but when I think about why I broke up with him I don’t bother wanting to get back with him. I truly value my friendship with him and I do feel I will have to move out soon so we can truly get over the other.
Gay people have all kind if scenarios.. Really wired ones .. For no reason ..and they said because we are gay .. When I see this kind of topics and comments I’m really surprised … And sorry for gay community
I have a FB that hooks up with me between relationships. We made it clear that we aren’t really into each other he just likes my large dick and I live his extra tight as a gym body. Anyway him and his bf at the time decided to live together the bf had a house so he shared it with him. When they broke up the got separate bedrooms in opposing ends of the house. So being single he decided to start are sex meeting back up and I of course loved it. To keep tension low I would meet at his place when his ex was at work. One day his ex came home for lunch and went ape shit. We ended up locking out selves in his room until his ex calmed down and realized his lunch hour was over and left.
Living with exi s not a good idea only time may work is like one guy I know owned several duplexes. Him and his ex/bf live in one of them. They are on and off all the time so it with when they are off they sleep in their own unit when they are on they sleep in the same bed. That works cause they can avoid each other.
Wow! I’m going through this right now. We’ve been together 11yrs some how we drifted apart. I went out and had a fling during my birthday weekend. Thinking we were just roommates. Brothers for life. Until I didn’t come home for two days. Made him feel some kind of way. When I did come home he was furious with me. He had a list of questions, he wanted to know. The first one was. are you dating. I said yes!!!!!! He went off. I try to play it off like its not what you think. But i couldn’t lie to him. I told him I slept with a guy. That we had been talking for weeks. Before it really happened. I guess it scared him to loose me, but he pushed me away. Told me to do me, and I did. And I didn’t want to loose him either. Wheather, I was going to be with someone Else or not. I need him in my life. He has since told me how he really feels about me. And that he took me for granted. Needless to say. I choose to save my 11year relationship. He has move back into our bedroom. Its that 80/20 rule. Why give up your 80% for 20% of fun. That want last. I can say, I do love this man. We’re moving forward. And stronger then ever.******** 🙂
Here we go AGAIN!! Those who have read my comments abt exes being friends moving on, dating etc know how I feel EXTREMELY!! So short n sweet here it is……. Do divorced couples live together after the marriage is over????? NOOOOO!!! Wtf do u fuckin guys not get??? When its over move tbe fuck on!! Stop trying to think the rules of relationships dont apply bcuz we’re gay!! Your not gonna b friends, live peacefully with, co-habitate etc with an EX!!! Close the door, move on, end it. You can be civil in passing. And YES U CAN move da fuck out!!! No excuses!
LOL @ Mitch. I liked your story best. That tight body/booty had you on lock-down and held hostage in the bedroom. That’s ripe for Jerry Springer.
I guess I’ll have to live vicariously through you guys since I’ve never experienced any of those scenarios.
It’s not necessarily stupid to live with an ex. I’m in the situation right now. Stupid would be selling the house and taking a huge hit on the price, then both moving to much smaller places that’d we’d pay a lot more for. Without a person to split the bills with, we’d both likely end up having to get second jobs just to barely scrape by. Seems like a pretty stupid idea to put yourself in total financial ruin just because you don’t want to live in close proximity to an ex you are still cordial with. Yeah, it’s awkward at times, but not worth sacrificing everything for.
And TrizzyTroy, I actually DO know at least two divorced couples who continued to live together for financial reasons after getting divorced. One of the two remain friends and eventually moved out to their own places, only after years of staying in the same house. The other are not remarried but now, 2 years after the fact, are dating again and will tell you their relationship is stronger than it ever was before the divorce, so yes, straight married couples do sometimes continue to live together after a divorce, at least for a time.
My very first boyfriend and I were a couple for 2 years and lived together. He broke up with me over dinner. We still hung out, went out, but went to our separate rooms at the end of the day. We even lead our own lives. This went on for 3 more years. He wanted to be on his own and I was kicked out. I ended up finding a place right across the street from him. We had coffee on the weekends and dinners. Still lead our own lives. I’ve moved on. We’re still great friends. Just because the relationship doesn’t work, doesn’t mean that a friendship can’t still happen.