Gay Stuff : Why Some Guys Don’t Show Up?
You are on A4A and you talk to Mr. Right Now. He tells you he can’t host so you give him your address and he says he’ll be over in 15 minutes. You go about your business and get ready, 20 minutes go by and nothing, another 30 minutes go by and nothing. Finally you realize he is a no show.
Next time you are on A4A and talking to another Mr. Right Now, you decide to meet at a public place, you get there at the appointed time and you wait and wait and wait. A no show again.
Your first reaction is to look at yourself and think “what’s wrong with me?” There is nothing wrong with you. It’s men, it’s us, and it’s them. Now, most of us have been on both sides of this, so ask yourself: why was I a no show?
There are many reasons, train delay, cat died, got murdered on the way over, many reasons but the real one is often: chickened out. Now in most instances I have given the guy my number so he can text in case something comes up but instead of calling or texting he would rather look like a jerk. Worst part is when you go back online and try to ask him why, he ignores you or blocks you, like you did anything except clean yourself out!!
I believe some of these guys have no intention of showing up at all, for whatever reason they go through the motions but don’t follow through. I also blame the guys who post fake pictures and have fake stats. Guys have become shell-shocked when what is being offered is not what is being served.
No shows are going to happen. I don’t think there is any way around it. One solution that members of A4A suggested is to add a rating system on profiles. Something that lets others know if the person is for real or not. Imagine, after a hook up, you could go to his profile and give him a gold star or flag him as a no show.
Thoughts or comments?
g skorich aka eastvalleyoral
I think that is a good idea to add a rating system that way after so many no shows or bad ratings the person can be deleted. But again you have to have actually contacted the person because a lot of gays are children forever and if they don’t like u contacting you they will block you.
I’m an older guy with a VERY sick partner of 41 years. We haven’t had sex in 10 years. The radiation screwed up his need and his function for sex. Have NEVER cheated on hi in all these years, except for the roaring 70’s. But we always did it with each other with other guys back then. He knows I want to have sex. Real sex with a guy, not just a dildo. So I try to meet a few guys and all (about 5) are no shows. I guess no one wants a trim 61 year old. I’m not a daddy unless you want a bottom daddy.
the flagging system would simply be abused. something simpler would be verifying your profile in which you could send a4a admin a picture of your driver’s license or you could take a picture of yourself holding a sign with your user name written on it. though nothing would be fool-proof, the second solution would be available without input from other a4a members. i’ve made many members mad simply by saying i’m not interested in them when they message me. i’d imagine i’d get flagged for being fake simply because someone doesn’t like my response.
I have been down that road many times thru the years!!! And that’s the ony thing I can think is that the guy chickens out!!!! I really like the rating system on profiles, I think that would help alot. But it brings up one question for me! If we have the rating system on here, I’m concerned if some guys won’t abuse it & put a bad rating down for a guy just because he doesn’t like the guy or just wants to get even for something that happened in the past between the two. I think the rating system is a great idea, but I wonder if it might get used in the wrong or hurtful way. We all know how gays can act at times!!!!
I’m about 50/50 on the rating. In the gay society it could either be a good thing that someone had a high percentage or a bad thing. Are you a ho or slutt if you have A high percentage or are you just ugly if you have A low percentage.
That sounds like a good idea; it would help dwindle down on more and more fake profiles.
But i think it would also give those guys with ” UB2’s” and ” masc only”
Profiles another way to be complete douchebags towards others that dont fit their preferences. You can imagine a lot of random people getting bad ratings or whatever just because some self-proclaimed ” adonis ” doesnt find them attractive, or someone who stumbled upon their profile felt like being a dick…just my thoughts on that.
NEVER TAKE A “NO SHOW” PERSONAL.I PREFER CHATTIN SOME TO THE GUY TO GET A FEEL ABOUT THE GUY AND USUALLY GET A GOOD SENSE OF IF HE IS SERIOUS OR NOT BY THE CHAT. GUYS ARE PRETTY TRANSPARENT IF YOU ARE INTUITIVE ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO WHAT THE GUY IS SAYING, OR MOST OF THE TIME NOT SAYING. I BELEIVE ALOT OF GUYS GET OFF HERE JUST CHATTING WITH THE GUYS, SO WHEN THEY POP THERE LOAD THEY ARE DONE AND SIGN OFF. WHAT DO U GUYS THINK, DO U THINK I MIGHT BE RIGHT IN MY GUESTIMATION HERE 🙂
There is no excuse for not picking up the phone or e-mailing when a meeting is scheduled. I have never been a “no show” and if something did come up, I would contact the guy. Simple courtesy and respect. I would rather hear a lame excuse than nothing at all. All it takes is one no show and he is blocked and I move on. Who has the time for jerks?
I think a rating system is a good idea. It was put in use on another site about a decade ago, and it worked pretty well.
I’ve had the same problems all of you have, including a cyber-stalker that hits me up with the same odd requests from different (fake) profiles on a constant basis. There was a site years ago that had a place at the bottom of the profile for people to leave comments or reviews, and the profile owner could choose to leave them or delete them individually if someone says something rude. It’s not a perfect system, but I remember when I saw a positive comment about someone from someone I had already hooked up with I took that as a positive sign, and I don’t recall ever being let down that way. There is also an app that I don’t like very much, but the one feature that doesn’t suck is the ability to send your exact location to someone that shows up as a pin on a map; that would be a cool feature to have on A4A also.
A rating system seems like it would be ideal. However, we all know those guys at the bars or clubs that get pissy when you’ve tried to be nice and chat with them knowing that they arent your type. Well the same thing goes on in A4A, i’ve chatted with guys online just to be nice, knowing things werent going anywhere because their profile was no where near what my interests were on my profile…. only to get a nasty final message or get harrassed by someone who wont give up. Whoa, dont even mention the guys that you tell right up front that you arent interested. So what is to stop these guys from giving you a bad rating and dropping your score? In a pefect world this is a good idea, but not for the world we live in!
A lot of guys are no shows because they’re liars, claim to be early 20’s and turn out to be married grandma’s. Pic moochers are a plague on this site. My all time faves are the liars that show up and think you’ll fuck them just because you’re horny and they’re there… no problem at all turning around and leaving in those cases.
Even when I wire them money so they can afford to fly back to the US, they don’t show up. 🙁 Yes, verifying profiles would be a good start. It’s easy to do a google search of images to see where that “too good to be real” guy got his pics, though.
do the rating. I think there are guys, while cruising, find a better offering after setting up a meet. Others just like the thrill of the hunt. They keep asking “what do you want to do?” “Tell me how you like it” chats back and forth. The real ones say, Im avail text me or send me your address. they get right to it.
Yet show me ONE gay man without a FUNCTIONING cell phone.
No shows? They’re in it for “themselves”: They probably live so fucking vicariously (that big word means “living in the make believe world in their mind”) online and have no “lives” of their own. Very sad…….
Yet A4A give the vehicle for that behavior. Just another notch in the belt.
Tricks are just that: tricks. A “no show”? Doesn’t have the decency to show or not call to “not show” as they are so completely self absorbed that it’s (again!) all about “them, them, them”……….
Interesting topic…
I think by going through all the hoops it takes to actually get to hook up with someone is kinda like an orgasm in itself. Maybe the finish line for some guys, is to get an address, phone number or to get a peak at hidden pics. Thinking “I still got it!” After all these years. Prob using a fake profile of some hot lil muscle bound jock or twink with the intention of never showing up.
I love the use of the term flake. I have been on the way to a guys house and had work call and say,”get in here now!” A couple of times. I make sure I email or call the guy and let him know I won’t be able to make it. It’s just common courtesy. I’d hate to make a guy get all dolled up and douche and not show. That’s just rude! If the guy will arrange to see me again, I always promise to go above and beyond to make it AWESOME for him as a way of apologizing. 99.5% of the time I am asked back (some people you can’t please no matter how many times you make them cum).
A great idea!!
I second Zerix’s suggestion of having a picture confirmed by A4A to be you by holding up a sign with your user name. The now defunct site Dlist did that. It wasn’t required, but if you submitted such a pic, your profile got a note that it was “verified.”
Any system where other users flagged no-shows or fakes would be abused though. I’ve been told I “must be fake” or “are probably fake anyways” just for telling a member who contacted me that I wasn’t interested.
No shows at home are scary because I begin to wonder, who did I just give my address to… But for the most part, it’s just some guy who is more turned on by the idea of hooking up than by actually hooking up. Same for those guys you talk to who “really want” to hook up, but some how never are available (even after a couple of months of trying to find a time to get together. Some are fake, some are chicken, but all are a waste of time.
yeah the idea of the rating system would be great but it would be abused a lot. How about limiting some one to only one profile? I know guys that have half a dozen different fake profile, I am sure one of them is real, but will the real man please stand up? For all the good intentions there will be those that will try and work the system and get around the guarding.
“until neither the Plain nor the Star-Bellies knew whether this one was that one… or that one was this one or which one was what one… or what one was who.” – Dr. Seuss
But, all things considered. A star on my belly is better than a flag.
Fuckin’ flaggins.
Yea I doubt if the flagging system would work as well to many bitter queens would abuse the hell out of the system, you should just have show / no show on page or something really simple to keep things simple
I think its a great Idea. There would have to be a system in which it cant be abused such as what Zerix is saying cause I could see that happening. For sum reason guys just dont believe that they are not everybodies type…..even the nastiest, rudest, fattest, skinniest, etc ect has their likes, their type. I have more of a problem not because im not sumbodies type. More being ignored, especially when in most profiles one of the first things listed is looking for friends.When did it become ok to ignore people, my parents did not raise me that way!Its a sex site sure but it is a social media and should not be used to abuse. We as a community have enough people outside our community that choose to ignore, abuse, condemn, and judge us. We shouldnt do the same to eachother.
I’ve had no-shows and guys who’ve sent me to invalid addresses, but I’ve NEVER just not shown up if we’ve made a “date.” It’s too easy to write “sorry, can’t make it”. Anyone who makes plans and doesn’t come through or cancel is just a creep. Not a lot of gray area on this one.
There isnt a solution to this. Guys will be guys. The shallow, flake, fakes, players and cowards will never go away and a star system will be abused. Gay men are like bitter children for the most part and will flag your profile just out of spite. A better solution is an addition to ones personal page so they can write and post the screen names of those who are real, are cool, who showed up and who left you hanging. With the ability to leave personal notes and the option of keeping your hook up list as private ( lets face it, to many uptight gay men having this information readily available they will instantly assume one is a whore ) a five star system can be used on this add on to ones profile page 1 star = no show. 5 star = great time?
I like the idea of a rating system, but I agree that it would just be abused. I think its simpler to just block them and also let others know what they’ve done.
Nope…no drivers license. Opens doors to too many other accounts you may have such as banks etc.. Me thinks its just gonna happen. I will not go more then twenty miles for that reason. They don’t show just ignore them, flat out tell them, or block them. Nice to tell them what a prick they are..nothing gained, nothing lost!
wow i like that idea a sating fro no shows you can post on a guys profile that he is a player and don’t show fantastic idea lets go adam do it
Zerix, lol there’s absolutely no need to send this site your personal information…. just require that members submit a face/body picture, holding a piece of paper with their CURRENT screenname written on it and the DATE that it was taken. Instant proof of who you are and of how current the pic is.
Some are there for the “hunt” and I think are getting off behind the screen stroking to the dirty talk. I think its simple as that. Its a way to get details of what someones into leading them on only to be self gratifying behind the screen.
I have had several instances where the guy was a no show. I have pics of myself on my profile that are recent so there is no surprises when I show up. I only meet someplace public for the first time, but on a couple occasions I have gone to some ones house. Once after agreeing to meet a guy at his place a few towns away, he answered the door with the outer door locked, and refused to open the outer door. He said it was because he didn’t really think I’d show up. He said he had set up meetings with several guys in the past, and none of them ended up showing, so he didn’t think I’d show either. In the end I ended up driving back home, about 43 miles, with out ever making it past the front porch. Now I won’t set up any more meetings out of town. Seems like even if you show up, and everything with you is on the up, and up doesn’t mean you’ll make it past the front door! Oh well it was his loss, but it also makes it harder on others who would like to host some one from on the site.
Yes the rating system would be awsome.
Face it, men. It’s all a crap shoot. If the guy doesn’t show up, what’s the big deal? So you have wasted a couple of minutes, hours? Many of the younger generation here don’t remember what it was like to actually hook up in a bar. I’m not talking last call. You meet around 11 PM. The guy seems interested. You make out in the restroom and an hour later you see him leave with someone else. That, my friends, is rejection. lol
The simple fix is to not be so quick to agree to a hookup. Use some common sense! Lower your expectations? There’s a whole list of things anyone can do to help minimize the loss of time and effort. If it’s 4am and he’s just come back from the bar.. chances are he will be passed out before you arrive. Try focusing less time on primping to be perfect and then if all goes well, you’ve gotten what you wanted and didn’t cost much effort to get it.
Learn to read people.. and fake profiles better. That means thinking less with your dick and more objectively. Tough for most guys to do, but it’s an idea!
If the photo looks too good to be real, that is a definite sign that he is probably fake and playing a game. I’ve come to know over the years, that if you aren’t offering money or drugs, then they are not interested and will just play the gay game. Living in uptown Charlotte, my favorite is when an athletic guy that supposedly lives a few blocks away asks if I have a visitor parking space for him to park his car….if he can’t walk a few blocks then he just wants to know your address and has no intentions. Lastly, I never say anything to anyone when they don’t show up, I just wait until they contact me again for sex and bring up their “no show”…..it’s fun to see how they deny ever contacting me, start bitching and then block me.
I know just how it feels to have a no-show. Worst than that is though you agree to meet a guy at his house he comes to the door and he said he is nit interested and slam’s the door in your face.
I have always tried by best to keep my “appointment” with a guy. I have even drove a good distance to meet some guys.
With the picture’s posted on line.I can understand if they are not up to date, but they need to be of that person.
Because they are married to a woman and pose as a different person. They get all excited and JACK and then feel guilty and drop. To them its all about the dream of a hook up. I don’t give my address unless we have an appointment that’s firm. I had some jack ass show up 2 weeks late and wanted to fuck and my whole family was here !
When it comes to meeting someone online in person, it’s more about nerves for me than anything. However, if I say I’m going to meet and later on have a change of heart, I will always let the other person know. It’s rarely the case that I don’t want to meet someone. A phone chat always helps me make up my mind. If I’m comfortable, I’ll pursue it, if not I won’t. But I’ve never stood any one up. I wouldn’t want the same to happen to me.
I’m with Zerix, I believe the flagging would be abused, and used by people upset at rejection. I also think that the users who say ” (this person) is fake, lives with mother and is 40 years older than he says” on their profile are being grossly immature, and would totally be willing to flag people unjustly. Perhaps if there were consequences for wrongfully flagging, but than again, that’s even more complicated. I like the idea, I just don’t think it’s practical.
this is a hook up site,people will play bullshit games all their lives and it is easy to lied about yourself since we are using the internet. using a flagging system will be abused , just like blocking another people in the rooms. anyone can blocked anyone for anything, too old, too fat, too young, too ugly or just be normal person. when someone is blocked for saying bad things or even good things too. nothing a4a can do about bully online when someone does response back to them. having to blocked someone is not right either and flagging them is wrong too.
i hate to say it, but zerix’s fear is likely right.
but that, of itself, is not the final problem; the final problem is, it is not within the powers of a “20-member staff” to moderate all of the He-SaidShe-Said crap that invariably will transpire:
– when determining if someone is Rating with Spite, and
– when giving the person, so negatively-rated, the chance to defend or explain himself.
(concurrently, there would be another system that should be set in place, to “rate the raters.”
but that, also, introduces a complexity that the a-4-a team may not ever be able to handle.)
hell.
as incompetent/thick-skulled as some people are, they’d submit their votes based on how attractive they feel a members’ pic is — which is not the intention of the user-rating system.
what do you think, Blog?
are we to remain on our own, out here in the wilderness?
or might there be a way to try helping us help each other?
There’s some that have naked pics…
And well is a hook up place isn’t it.?..
This user was showing his ass
And i say something normal”..
And he tex me back.. That i was a cretin!!!
Can u believe guys!!!!!! LOl..
To those make up your minds..
And have a good fuck.. Did i say something
Bad… Sorry i was my mouth.. LOl..:)
Had a few no shows, but actually do very well on this site. It also helps to read the profile before contacting someone(me). I get so many emails & smiles from guys exactly the opposite of what I am looking for.
A little witty repartee to get to know the person. You are meeting up with another human being, not just a cock, or ass.
Most important; come up with an interesting profile, make people want to meet you!
As for the age thing, I am 58 and do just fine. There is someone for everyone. When I say younger, I do not necessarily mean young. Have played a lot in many different ways on A4A, and hope it continues. Best site I have been on!
By the way to those that wasn’t interested
I tex them back..
2 words… Ok (1). 2( thanks).
thats pretty nuch 7 out of 10 men on adam for adam and many times those who do show up you wished they would have stayed home we fro time to time meet a really great third man who interacts well with us and fits in all the right spaces an orifices
Some websites require a user to submit a photo with their username the current date shown in the photo before they will switch on a profile. Maybe A4A should do a similar process.
Jeff: being a free site we dont have all the ressources to do so.
I like that rating system idea, a lot. I would never pull a no-show on anyone, ever. I walk the walk, and talk the talk. A man of my words, and my word is my bond. Have experienced many no shows, and a few that worked out great. It’s life I guess. Married guys who want to play are always going to have problems and that’s that. Single guys, no excuses allowed. 😉
Get your ass over here, mines itching. 😉
If I set up to meet someone I meet them.At most say it will not go down. Many guys aren’t really interested in meeting,they get off thinking they have you. If you were to meet them you would see their not what they posted and I have met some that are older/heavier than their photo.If they talk more than three times about what I’m into their fake.
This blog helps me gain some perspective. I thought I was the only guy getting flaked on. I thought it was exclusive to the city I live in. Who knew it was happening to all of us??! There is no gain in agreeing to an expectation that can not be lived up to. Just explain the situation and work from that
I think that a rating system is a really bad idea. Personally, if I were to see a person having 4-5 stars and look to the side and see how many people voted, I’d be very turned off. Also, people would be able to abuse it and rate them whatever they want(grudges, looks, personality, etc)It wouldn’t be accurate. If you’re(in general) is so tired of it then why don’t you join Okcupid, they have a rating system and tell you how often someone replies, and so on. Or actually, any other site for that matter.
Fact is, trying to meet up with people someone that you met online will and forever will be a 50/50 chance of a no show and/or being a fake. Deal with it.
most gay men are insecure. most are flakes and they hide behind fake profiles (especially on A4A). it’s part of the gay culture and seems to be accepted by most. it’s one reason I won’t meet anyone unless he is willing to swap numbers with me. most guys say I’m dramatic for asking for a number, but I know I’m not dramatic, just tired of most gay men and their insecurities. since asking for numbers, the number of times guys flake on meeting have significantly dropped.
People come to A4A for different reasons. Some just to play games, some for attention, and most to find someone they are attracted to. Because at the end of the day, ALL men are visual. Some will like your profile/pic, get excited but chicken out thinking they may be rejected. The game players with fake pics may chicken out due to being discovered. Some will discover something they dislike prior to meeting(A top is really a bottom, masc is really fem, etc)and simply not show. Unless one is offering a specific service(Escort,massages, house cleaning, photography, etc)rating/flagging members won’t work as people will abuse it.
It’s not a simple way to say this, but meanwhile we live in a society in which GOOD Manners don’t count for anything, BASIC common courtesy doesn’t Exist, and what to say about EDUCATION, all of these combined just create the perfect combination for what we have right now, and unruled group of individuals, with low self steem and basically nothing to offer as individuals.
When finally realize all these in our minds, dissapointment will not longer affect us, and we learn the lesson gave by life itself, we need to approach people similar to you ONLY!!! and just disregard what should be just the garbage of society, my humble opinion!!!!!!
I believe 80% of gay men are flakes, and not just about not showing up. I don’t think gay men know what they want. They say they want one thing, but their actions tell an entirely different tale. Simply put, gay men are emotionally immature. Am I perfect? Nope. I know I have my personal issues to contend with. But if I commit to meeting someone I always follow through barring any unforeseen circumstances.
Not too keen on the rating system proposal only because there are spiteful people out there who would tarnish another guy’s image and that reaction may not be warranted. Why is this? Because you can’t trust to leave such matters in the hands of emotionally immature gay men.
Lastly, can someone at Adam please add “Fuck Bud” as a selection under “Looking For”. Most of the guys on here have “Friend” listed and go straight for the sex. Apparently they’re incapable of understanding how fucking people is not the best approach to making friends. Maybe it would also help eliminate the confusion as to who wants what.
I have been on this and other sites for a number of years now…and it never ceases to amaze me how rude and ignorant and shallow some of us can be….. I have always treated people the way I wanted to be treated but sad to say…that attitude didn’t protect me from the many assholes who roam these sites looking for a thrill….
I believe a lot of men simply like the thrill of the chase….and as was mentioned in an earlier post simply have no intention of showing up……
What I can personally attest to is if I am not interested…I will say so in the kindest way I know how….after all none of us like to be rejected……but let’s face it guys…if we are not attracted to everyone who is interested in us….why would we assume that everyone we contact would be interested in us……
As far as no shows….yes I have had my share…..and yes it pisses me off………when I agree to meet someone….I will either be there or let them know ahead of time why I won’t…even if it’s because I changed my mind……
Sometimes the truth hurts…….but it is important to me to present myself with dignity and integrity to all I encounter….
We could all stand a hard look in the mirror and understand that none of us is “all that”
I like the idea a lot but everyone will think i am a whore which I am but i try not to be that obvious haha
But I like the idea 🙂
Yes no shows will happen and dare I say that I’ve been on the “No Show” side. I will say that in my experience if the fella I’m gonna meet is not willing to give a phone number before meeting, it’s liking not gonna happen. My thoughts are if you can give me your address you can give me a number to reach you. After all you’re asking me to come over and stick my treasure in your chest I gotta have the key right? I agree men are men and we sometimes have a hard time seeing anything that isn’t two feet in front of us, so asking for some fellas to think ahead in time to make sure they “show” may be asking a bit much. I will say I like many men on Adam are patient and kind and will, within reason give a fella a second chance and the benefit of the doubt all that’s asked/needed is honesty and a bit of self respect. That’s my peanut gallery time thanks for posting the question/thought. 🙂
Hey jay I want a bottom daddy. 20yr old from Chicago
I’ve created a couple of no shows… One was because my brother lived in the building, another the house looked like a serial killer lived there. I did at least let my date know plans had changed.
Isn’t flagging good enough??
Agree a flagging system would be easily used illegitimately. Why have I failed to show? Fear. That little voice inside tells me something doesn’t seem right about the conversation or profile. Does he really have a the same expectations as I do and is he really “clean” and “sane”? As a man who is not out and is “discreet” I begin to worry that I might be risking exposure. If the fear concerning these things becomes stronger than my initial and sincere desire to meet up then I “chicken out”. If the meeting is planned for sometime later that day or even week – it may well happen that I am just no longer in the mood.
As difficult as it might be should let the guy know though. Twice I have driven about 30 minutes to meet a guy, knocked on the door and no answer. Disappointing? Yes. But I cant get too upset. Meeting a stranger is not an easy or risk free thing – the other guy is also dealing with that as well. Can’t be too harsh in judging.
I agree with Zerix. It will be abused rendering it useless. I’m sure the guy who called me a loser because I politely declined his invitation for sex would use it to give negative feedback about me. A4A is full of emotional children so expect them to act accordingly.
I agree with the flagging system. Of course it would hurt those men that are flagged, but hey here’s a crazy idea SHOW UP!!! I have had pretty much no luck on A4A because of men just simply being assholes and not showing up for a date and then coming up with the lamest excuses. This system will let guys like me know who to talk to and who not to talk to. So overall, awesome idea and I vote yes!
Just add a hide button that will remove a flake from showing up when you’re online. Out of sight out of mind. You won’t see him and get over it. I also think when you block someone, they should disappear from your online members view as well.
If a guy doesn’t show up–his loss. I guess that’s how I would feel, but that shit don’t happen to me #knockonwood
For the people who have experienced this, maybe you should screen your guys better. There’s someone for everyone.
There is a certain caliber of man I look for (40+, black, no face pics, etc.), and I only speak to the guys I contact. We have a dialog before discussing hookups. Most men will tell you who they are in that dialog. Listen. If there isn’t a connection, he isn’t into you–and there’s nothing wrong with that.
It would be great to have such a system, except for the fact that you could just delete the profile and make a new one.
Not so sure about the rating system. There have been people who’ve written in their profiles that the guy in my pics aren’t me simply because I wrote “Thanks, but not interested”; a bitter guy may just taint your rate after being rejected.
I once chatted with the most beautiful guy my age on here. We planned a date to meet and go out and everything and he never showed up. It’s difficult to find someone my age that has the potential to be very fancied by me and he chickened out. Unfortunate.
I also don’t like when guys talk about doing one thing and then actually doing another in person; i.e., claiming to be completely versatile until in person where that changes into just top or just bottom (such a peeve that the only time I have penetrating sex these days is when I’m in a relationship; until then just passionate foreplay and mutual jacking).
I honestly don’t get far into chats; if you wanna meet, let’s meet and go from there instead of the continuous pretending online.
Oh my, i digressed quite a bit.
The rating system would be a good idea for the first month or two. But without proof on the rating system, a4a users would flag other users who they don’t like for any reason: because the other user didnt reply, because the other user is fat, because the other user is ugly, because the other user is to old or young. It doesn’t matter the rating system will be abused by the users who won’t use it for its meaning and use it freely based off of their feelings and opinions. I propose that A4A does not add an rating system, because people will get rated wrongly. And there is no system that rates people by two users or more contacting each other, so some people are going to break the privileges of using the rating system.
I like the idea of a rating system. But some mean spirited assholes will probably use it to flame people. Jerks!!
@Zerix – I’ve had guys tell me they aren’t interested. That’s OK. A NO is better than a DONT KNOW. I’ve always sent them a Thank You [unless they have immediately blocked me]. I wish we could develop a code of etiquitte and manners for these sites.
@Jay – I’m 67-I understand the over-the-hill attitude of some/most guys completely. And I am ashamed to admit it, but when I was quite young I had it too. Luckily I got over it early on. A lot of guys never do, even when they are over 60!!
@Jason – I like the idea of deleting ’em, but the details need to be worked on. I also would like to see inactive profiles deleted after 12 or 18 months.
Very good topic.
Ive no-showed once, many years ago because we were meeting in public and as I approached I realized that the guy was far older than he indicated.
I now require a phone number before inviting a guy over…. and one guy who no showed on me received approximately 50 followup phone calls at varying hours. Hope his wife didn’t mind.
Its still a pain but I must say that insisting on a cell number has cut down on no shows.
Another reason is arrogance. I had a friend in Dallas who would set up a meet at a public place, ask the guy what he was wearing so he could identify him, and lie about what he himself was wearing, so he could show up, look the guy over, and if it wasn’t “hot enough” for my friend’s ego, he would leave and the other guy would never know he had been scoped out. We had a discussion once about how rude this was, but he didn’t care because he didn’t want to “waste his time” having coffee and talking with someone he didn’t want to have sex with. And by the way, this friend was nowhere near as hot as he thought he was.
I know the feeling Jay! A lot of guys on here say they want to meet up with us older guys only to be a no show. Hey bless you for standing by your partner all these years
I’ve had this happen to me so many times by the same guys but under different profiles. Some of these guys I’ve actually seen in person but I didn’t ask them WHY they continue to play games and lie about “meeting up”. I mean I don’t think it have to do with “chicken out” or getting “cold feet”. I think some of these guys just be doing it for fun. I’m a bottom if I say i’m ready and a top guy says he’s on the way and doesn’t show up. I’m pissed because I took all that time to get ready(if you know what I mean lol). That’s why I don’t practice hookups anymore. I just have to meet the man a few times before we do anything which is the right thing to do anyways. There is not a doubt that this website A4A have plenty of fake “Mr. Right NOW” on here but its unfortunate that there is not much anyone can do about it. They delete there profiles and make new ones the next day.
No shows are a fact of hooking up.And if most of us were honest we’d admit to doing it at least once.I have noticed that a lot of them are the married guys who figure they have some time to play until the significant other changes their plans and ruins his.I’m not sure about a ratings systwem but another site has a comments section where guys can let others know about you.You have to approve of any comments before they can be posted so you have control over what people see.It has helped me meet a few guys who maybe wouldn’t have checked me out otherwise.No shows will still happen but maybe not as often when we learn who is really looking to hook up and who is just looking.
I think the rating system is not all that great of an idea, what’s to stop some guy you turned down fro giving you a bad rank?
Plus it’s a freaking hook up site, ranking one another is so superficial. I will leave A4A if this happens
I like to think of myself as an understanding fellow. That being said I know things come up outside of ones control, or someone, even myself, may change their mind. The first time of a no call no show I may give the person another chance if they have a reasonable excuse but if it happens again there won’t be a third. I’m attractive, hard working, make good money so I would rather play on my xbox than play silly mind games.
I’m glad A4A is putting thought to this, but I’m not too keen on the idea of having a history of my hook ups visible for all to see. Come on now…..plus the obvious problem of misuse of the function.
I agree that a rating system wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t be reliable because the results wouldn’t be verifiable. You know, like on some of those masseur sites when the masseurs write their own review and give themselves a 10.
I’m uncertain how much a rating system would help. I’ve been blocked by some guys when all I did was look at their profile, sometimes because they looked at me first. I’ve also been blocked after sending a message: “You looked at me. Want to know or see more?” A simple “no” reply would have been enough. The only people I have blocked are those who blocked me first.
thins not a bad i dea ti would show people jsut how flaky and imuature some gay men can be
Preach it..
I’ve been there so many times.. It hurts trust me..
While it never ceases to amaze me how poorly gay men will treat one another while bitching that the rest of the world needs to learn to respect us, there really is no excuse for not at least messaging someone if you aren’t going to show. If you say you’re going to do something, be a man and do it. It would be fairly easy to make a rating system that would be difficult to abuse. Something like the stars system on amazon. Did he show up? Did he look like his pic? Did you enjoy the experience? That way everyone would have an averaged rating with no ability to make personal comments. Nor would it be necessary to indicate how many reviews have gone into the average for our friendlier A4A guys. I’d use it.
there is no sure fire way to avoid a no show so be prepared and don’t take it personally if it does happen.
rating systems are great and photo verification is great but its up to us to feel the guy out. I’ve seen profiles where guys call out other guys and warn guys to stay away. that’s harsh!!
thanks for all the comments and suggestions!!
Hey guys don’t tell someone there ugly.. Not my type is best.. and guys you should talk to everyone that messages you.. if your on here don’t be a ass. Most are.. I have found.. but i do find a few nice guys from time to time.. not alot though. Rating system.. well Think there should be a way to keep people from flagging you just because you didn’t want to meet them.. Oh and another thing.. Can someone stop the guys from asking for money on here.. what the deal.
Oh another thing if you gonna rate.. please put a flag for ( thinks his shit don’t stink.)
i agree there should be some type of rating system
that way those of us who are sincere about meeting will be able to see how others rate this person and we wont waste our time on him
it has happened to me many times on here
sometimes i would like to list there names on my profile so others can see it and not waste there time
also we could rate those that lie about there age and post 20 yr old pictures
or maybe we should be allowed to put these type of guys that lie about age pics and no shows etc on our own profiles to warn others
i’ve never ever been a no-show but have had many that’s what cell phones r 4
Hilarious. If A4A has no interest in forcing these guys to list their real age, why on earth should they care if someone flakes? My advice: Get the guy’s cell number and actually speak with the dude before hooking up. He may still flake, but that is his right: Roll with it and find someone better.
I agree that a flagging system would be abused, as guys who get butt-hurt because someone isn’t interested in meeting them flag them out of petty anger.
i think “jose from cali” has it figured out…chat, jack, logoff. the “chicken out” thing applies, too, not to mention a last minute change of mind for whatever reason (maybe a better offer). although it sounds good initially, a rating system would just allow the immature folks on here to bash people & play more childish games. not to mention, just cuz someone doesn’t show up for me, doesn’t mean they won’t for someone else. i preferred the old gay.com days when u could post in a main room about a flake or a**hole & lots of ppl saw the msg. we could decide for ourselves if it was a personal attack or if there might be some “truth” to it. most of the time, the a**holes & weirdos would get tired of being “outted” & just go away.
I think worse than a no show is when they other guy is insistent that you come over and when you DO he looks NOTHING like his profile or won’t share a pic in the first place. And when you say you are not interested they get all shitty and send nasty emails. Ratings go both ways.
A major problem among gay men is that very few have experience with dating and actually treating men they date with kindness and respect. When I used to meet guys in bars, we would usually have a good time and never call each other again after a ritual of exchanging phone numbers. Now many men dispense with the good time and pass immediately to disrespect. Some of this may be due to fear. Not meeting people in person prior to meeting can evoke fear among some. “What have I done? I’ve agreed to meet someone I don’t know at all” Impulsiveness has its price.
I’ve seen a system where you could only recommend a good lay. You couldn’t provide any negative feedback. The concept was that if you did hook up you could give the guy a thumbs up. You could start to tell who the real studs were.
how about a follow up companion piece? why some guys don’t grow up!
Got a better offer..lol
The internet gives people the opportunity to be everything they are NOT in the real world. You take your chances with any dating site. I say just brush the no shows off and keep it moving. There are “real” good dudes that use these sites. It’s unfortunate you have to sift through so much bullshit to find them BUT it is exactly what it is…a chance one takes. *shrugsshouldersandsighs*
It sounds nice but it would be abused by some. Some would give you a flag because you are not interested in them. And then that guys will get pissed off and do it to someone else. I think it is a bad idea.
The rating system is a great idea. I have seen it used on other sites. On those sites, the system have a “comment” area to give a full detailed review. The system would be abused of course, like everything else. BUT, if a4a were to require some type of complicated code system prior to sending every review, this would greatly decrease the likelihood of abuse.
Years ago I asked a friend who was making dates online. I was rather shocked when he told me that he would arrange a public meeting, then go peek in the bar/restaurant before their date. If he didn’t like the look of the guy, he wouldn’t bother going over and joining him – If he did like the guy, he would follow through on the date.
He thought he was being shrewdly self-protective sorting out the posers, whereas I thought he was a spineless coward who judged people only on their appearance.
Basically men are jerks. Most of them are so terrified of any real connection with another human being that they demean others as a way of avoiding having it happen to them.
A rating system would theoretically be useful, but nothing is going to protect people from the jerks out there. You have to expect the worst, and keep the ones around who show they have integrity.
no shows and wild goose chases are one of a kind. Guys when making hook ups or dates BE PRECISE ! Don’t let them say well GPS will find you. Follow through, make sure their gps and directions are in sync Keep on texting each other or CALL. Why is it that some guys have an aversion for calling. I know that texting is needed when you dont want others tohear you. But guys you need to COMMUNICATE!!! Sometimes I show up and hard to find the place. BE SPECIFIC!!!And keepinmind things DO go wrong. Battery on phone, car trouble, etc. Butmain thing let the person KNOW ! Lastly don’t give up, give the person another chance or two!
rating would end up like the guys no-show….abused! lots of ‘st8’ men on here and they get scared of getting caught…lol most gays are so dishonest online anyway so why add fuel to the fire with the ratings nonsense. try meeting descent men in Florida—what a joke!!! most of the 40-60 range lie about their age so much it’s pathetic. it’s THEIR loss if they don’t show.
like most things in life–deal with it and move on
oh here’s a thought….allow members to ADD the names of those that are no-shows in your profile so others can see it!!
I had a stalker a number of years ago, this fat redheaded guy in which I had no interest. He would keep inventing new screen names and profiles skewed to my specific tastes and then lure me out to some public spot just to give me the eye over. I thought they were no-shows at first, but then I spotted the psycho hiding in some tall bushes checking me out and that’s when I figured out I was being played by the same guy. I like the idea a rating system, like an eBay system. Have a rating for showing, a rating for profile honesty, and maybe one for sexual prowess (one to ten, no comments, one vote per profile), all anonymous with or without a counter, whichever sounds more fun. Oh and an std box to check.
It’s a game and it will always be this way. He probably is in another city/state and just looking for attention in your room. Join your local YMCA, that way you see them in person and naked before hooking up.
I met a guy on another site. We made plans to meet at an adult video store in a city about two hours from me. We talked many times online about this, and in fact, it was his idea to meet up and play around there. Well, you guessed it, he never showed up. He promised to meet me there probably a half dozen times and never showed up at all. WHen I returned home on the last day this happened, he had deleted his profile from the site and I couldn’t get up with him anymore. Just as well, I guess !!!!
if u read my profile, u will see that I don’t appreciate being told how hot I am, how badly ii’m wanted, etc. That’s not to say I haven’t had some hot encounters, because I have, but when I tell ’em where I work, where I live, where I lay out on the beach, my cell, etc.and they are no-shows, it’s a real pisser. But i’m glad in a way that they didn’t show up…who wants a man with no balls? And those endless emails…jeez…stop already, ok?…it does make me wonder if they are being truthful in their profiles…good luck, guys…and there’s still the beauty and hotness of a chance encounter in real life, without the cybering…
There is a lot of ‘CATFISHING’ going on also.I was hit up on A4A, by this hot looking guy and we arranged to hook-up.Anyway, he said he would arrive at my place, in about thirty minutes.We had exchanged cell numbers and I thought it was a ‘GO’.He never showed up or called. A week later, he was online. He immediately IM me, with this story, about how he had an emergency, and could not call me.He said, he was really sorry,and wanted to get together and make it up to me.He then Asked, if, I was free the next day. I told him I was.The same thing happened again.Now, I was curious, to see, how far he was going to take this.This went on for a month.I ended up blocking him. Another guy hit me up recently, and did the same thing.
These guys, or whomever, or whatever, they are. Get off on arranging a hook-up, that will never happen. They’re like TOMORROW’, always coming, but never arrives.
Hey, I think this was a great post because I feel like this happens a lot in the Gay community. and I can honestly say that I have been on the other side of the person who stands someone up…and the reason why I have done it before is because I felt uncomfortable with some of the things that were said during text before meeting…and when I have met them in person and they aren’t who they say they are.. I kinda get pissed off and walk away. But in general It really depends on the situation, but generally I do respond and go through the trouble to tell the guy I am not interested anymore or will tell them I have to cancel, just so I do not waste my time or theres.
I have flaked before. The reason why I flake is because I simply just change my mind. It’s no hard feelings towards the other guy, but I do reserve the right to change my mind not to hookup with anyone, with or without notice. If the other guy gets mad, then oh well – life goes on. The other guy can find someone else to play with.
Hehe we are homos – we like to judge —– rather than a scale or judging at all, which would be abused, most assuredly, Id say just a button that says I like, or I approve, or hes hot and real, or on the up and up…..I dont need to hear anybodies negative stuff about someone, because I just think “bitter queen” or your ex dated him, or he pushed your hand away in ballys locker room…. I have had some no shows, some that I wish were no shows, places Ive shown up and wish I had gotten lost….and for me, the ones who are no shows or seem to chicken out at the last minute, are the ones whose first message is along the lines of “lets fuck” Im pretty much an unrepentant slut, and am logged on here much to much for my own good, but usually have my best luck hooking up by just heading down to the bath house in town and see whats wrapped in terrycloth. No fake pics there, or 12 year old pics for that matter – what you see is what you get.
I have also experienced several no shows and thought it was because of the suburb I live in, found out it’s them. I am in a very gay-centric suburban neighborhood that just happens to be populated with air-head no-shows. One guy said in his reply message to me when asked why he didn’t show up, he said he forgot, How do you forget to go get laid?….A rating feature would be nice and I also though there could be douche bag abuse of the system so my suggestion is that when an a4a member is posting a rating that his screen name is automatically recorded along with the rating so if he IS a douche bag, and posts bogus ratings, he can be reported to the site management by the member who is the target of the unfair ratings.
This has happened to me many times. But i am proud to say I have never been a no show to anyone. But when i meet someone that does not match something that has been discussed, I don’t hesitate to end the encounter immediately. Im cool w chubs bears daddies etc, just be honest. But honesty seems to b a rare commodity in the gay culture. Younger guys are the worst at being honest.
I have only a few times, out of hundreds of times, have a guy not show up. I have had people cancel a few times, but not but a few times with a no call, no show.
I will admit that I have not showed one time, just because of the physical characteristics of the person. Although we got a along great chatting on the telephone several times before actually agreeing to meet, I just realized the gravity of this person. It was also very late and I was tired, so I bailed on them and feel horrible about it.
Thank you for finally talking about this subject. I have had more no shows than I care to admit. I never take it personal. It has motivated me to go find some other guy and in the long run they turn out to be better. I still get mad sometimes when you have gone to the trouble to “clean up” and be ready and then nothing. At the very least you could email or text and say not coming. I have enjoyed reading all these comments. For the guys on here that like to play these games. Be honest and show up. You might have a good time.
Men are pigs plain and simple!..some have no intention on showing up! Some are afraid, and some are game players.
I think a rating system would be abused. I just think the guy should show up after all the chat that has transpired. How do you know what happens unless you take the steps to see?
I agree, some men are children and can’t man up and admit. Admitting to something and then fixing it is the first step. I had two meets fail because the guy were working, despite the fact that they set up the meeting date. Pansies, the lot of them.
Jose from Cali: your “guesstimation” is spot on. I too actually take the time to “feel” guys out before I even agree to exchange phone numbers, let alone meet them in person. I’m a VERY private person and therefore refuse to let just anyone into my space/home. If, and that’s a big IF, I agree to meet someone it’s at a neutral location. That way, if I don’t like what I see, or if they don’t like what they see, no harm done. We can go back to our respective lives as though we never met. I can’t recall ever being stood up since it’s so rare I get to the “let’s meet” stage. (There are some guys I’ve been chatting to on here for ages with no intent of ever meeting them and I’m cool with that. I just have no desire to take it to that level with them.) And if I do get to that stage I’m gonna go through with it since, like you, I trust my judgment/intuition. I can truly say following these basic principles has put me in touch with some pretty grounded and well-rounded guys. A few even led to relationships, but mainly frienships I still have to this day. And even some of the relationships have transitioned to friendships when the former ran its course. So I can’t complain.
The recurring theme I’m getting from most of the comments is that the majority are looking for “quality hook-ups” yet expect said hook ups to be in abundance. If a4a is truly just a “hook up site” as most members seem to think then hooking up should be easy, right?
I don’t think it is a good idea, this rating system. I have been insulted and blocked by guys just because I was simply polite enough and told them that I am not interested in meeting them up. I imagine these nasty guys giving me low ratings just because they got rejected???
The flagging system would be abused the minute it was rolled out.
I know of another site that allows for someone to ‘review’ the person, but the person reviewed gets to decide whether it’s published to their profile or not. The downside — obviously the bad reviews won’t be posted, but good reviews can be. I’m on there and I have 1.5 pages of reviews — good AND bad. The bad were guys with whom they felt the compatibility was off, can’t disagree with that. I’d rather show that 1) I’ve gotten with guys of many different types and 2) you get the good and the bad and I’m certainly not arrogant enough to give a one-sided impression of me.
Been there countless times with the guys who were no-shows. Ended up disappointed and hurt after.
Right now I’m in talks with a guy I knew of in HS (he was my main crush back then) who was bi-curious and now wants to try the boyfriend thing with me – he and I did the sex last year, though. He’s cute in HS and now he’s hot to me.
Once he and I are officially bfs, I’m gonna say bye bye to this site. This site is nothing but full of fakes, liars, you name it and it’s so mind-boggling that it’s sad and vice versa.
I never give my address to anyone if I dont get his phone number first to text my addy….if he refuses providing his phone number i just move on…it is for security reasons and to contact the guy in the case he does not show up.
DO NOT MAKE ARRANGEMENTS IF THE GUY REFUSE TO GIVE HIS PHONE NUMBER!!!
Gay men are pretty much the same as straight men – assholes!
A rating system is an excellent idea; this would help weed out the dick-weeds, so to speak 😉
If you stop and think about it there is no good reason, not even a decent excuse, for being a no-show without a word. Some say that’s just the way it is. Why? Passing the same torch forward sure ain’t the best way to make a friend. If you always do what you always did you will always get what you always got…change.
No shows are easy to avoid. Don’t agree to meet the guy until you have chatted for several days or weeks. You’ll get an idea if he’s quality or not after the second or third chat. Where’s he from originally? What does he do for a living? Can he talk on different subjects? Can he articulate what he’s looking for beyond and immediate “can I fuck you?” If you’re always jumping the gun and going for the meeting without getting to know the guy, there’s no complaining when guys turn out to be something other than what their profiles say or they don’t show.
There’s also the question of “why is a guy always looking for his next quick romp with a new guy? Why doesn’t he have long term play buds?” Maintaining relationships with quality men solves the “why didn’t the new guy show up?” problem as well. If a guy can’t keep long term buds, what kind of guy is he? Is the problem that new guys often don’t show? Or is it that guys complaining are themselves flakes and can’t keep quality men in their lives long term?
no cell # no meet up, if they r serious they share cell#
Gay men are fickle, we don’t know what we want half the time, but all in all I make it a point to show up or at least call if something should come up that prohibits me from doing so.
I have 2 profiles here on Adam. My main one is my “nice guy” profile, the person I really am, the kind of guy I would like to meet, take somewhere and marry. I get maybe 4-5 hits a week on this profile. It has my current pic, accurate stats etc. I have another profile, my bad boy profile, which has no pics and is basically me offering to service guys at my glory hole. Guess which one has massive numbers of hits!!! The good guy profile has experienced large numbers of no-shows. The bad boy profile HAS NEVER experienced a no-show. I don’t post it all the time, but when I do it’s busy….
I think a rating system is a bad idea because like others if you piss off someone because you are not interested they might flag you in a negative light. I think the root problem is we are all males on this site. Guys can just be jerks…lol. Anymore I exchange number or we are not going to meet. That way either party can call and say, “hey I am lost”, or work called so I can’t make it, etc. Boys will be boys no matter the age so take precautions and don’t be too thin skinned. It is really nothing personal, just rude.
A rating system which only accepted positive ratings could be cool–or don’t allow blocked members to provide a rating.
Either way, people would find a way to game it, no solution is foolproof. As in most cases, buyer [or, cruiser] beware. People get better offers all the time. Move on, they did you a favor.
A rating system is a TERRIBLE idea! It would probably be abused, and on a site that can give even the sexiest of us body dysmorphia, would make a lot of people feel bad unnecessarily. Not to mention, what are you rating? Their looks, their ability to show up, sexual performance, personality? Can you only rate someone you’ve met, chatted with, hooked up with, dated? Human beings aren’t restaurants or movies, so let’s not reduce them to 5 stars or two thumbs.
But A4A could theoretically put together a flagging system. Users who abuse the system (such as those who continue to bother you after you have express lacked of interest, those who don’t show up, those who make harassing comments) could be flagged by users. If enough unique users flagged a profile, it could be shut down.
No shows happen. I try not to take it personally. Some may have good reasons for not showing up, who knows. There is alot of fun to be had here online, go forth and play. I know it’s frustrating, but I always seem to meet somone else eventually who makes me forget about the no show guy.
At home I’m the guy driving over to someone’s place to fool around. I’ve never chickened out, I love fucking too much to do that…even in the case where the other guy isn’t all that hot as his a4a profile-I still go through with it. When I am up against this no-show thing, its when I’m traveling for work and trying to arrange some action at my hotel room. There it’s easily a 50/50 no-show rate. I expect that and always have a couple of guys lined up, so at least one actually will show up for a fun time. I used to get really frustrated with guys not showing up, not so much anymore. There are still enough decent guys out there…just requires filtering through a4a profiles to find the genuine guys.
a profile rating system will almost certainly be abused when guys get into disputes over other matters.. other sites have systems of verification that involve a “salute” photo being submitted in which the member provides a photo of themselves holding a paper with their username written in it.
So it sounds like we are still trying to build a better mouse trap. Flagging, pics with dates, license verification, stars, ratings….the list is endless. But a guy guided by a rock hard cock, will find away around the system. Consider it 3id rate hacking. You think a guy can’t yank a pic off a site photoshop a date on it and say here I am world…lets fuck. Im sure the A4A staff(I didn’t know it was only about 20 guys running this place…great job keep up the work!) doesn’t have the time to stop and verify every pic that is sent to them. Not to mention if the old troll shows up having posted a fake pic and day and approved by a4a…who would you be pissed at now. Both right! Face it…we are guys, and we will find away around any system. Maybe if a guy shows up and he isn’t who he says he is, slam a door in his face. Than block him before he gets to the end of the drive way. Than be done with him…you got off ez.
I’d rather have a guy come to my house and fined we aren’t compatible and part with no hard feelings but when it comes to giving out my phone number, that’s a different story. I live by my phone and cant keep changing numbers cause this douche can’t take a hint by unreturned phone calls and texts. If he comes back to my property…I have several ways to deal with that. Much easier than changing my phone number.
Why a no show.
1. they get off on it,
2. something better came along
3. they fell asleep haha
4. someone closer to home hit on them
5. they were in love with my dick and didnt realize how old i am.
6. they realize you dont like a “dont touch my dick boy”
7. they found a smaller easier dick to sit on.
I believe this stupid shit should have a rating system that way we could all know if our TIME is worth it talking to some of those worthless fags that sell themselves for FREE lmao!! its funny cuz its true
Been there …. so many no shows, you have to book two or three if you really want to hook up. Sometimes you end up with more than you bargained for, and sometimes you end up disappointing someone yourself. That puts you in the offender category, too.
I force myself to be patient, try to get to know people, be tolerant. And I have to say, I have been rewarded with great sex and good friends around the world. And, yes, sometimes you end up face to face with someone you really needed not to actually see!
If you get frustrated by no shows in Chicago or Manhattan or Berlin or London, try a war zone where you have to get security clearances, file access requests with all sorts of personal and organizational data, figure out where to stash your security detail and driver(s)and his. And, at the last minute, after two days or careful planning for a two or three hour session, it all falls apart because of a logistical glitch, security incident or old fashioned cold feet.
You guys will all be fine!
Rating system? Bad idea. Everyone’s idea of what is good and bad is entirely subjective. I may meet a guy I think is fantastic and someone else meets him and thinks he is a total douche. And if my experience on here suggests how this will go I would probably be flagged my most of the guys on here.
With that said, if I say I’m gonna meet someone I mean it and if we plan it out I go through with it. That is not to say I have left abruptly when the guy turned out to be not what is represented by his profile and/or pics.
One of the biggest turn offs for me is when a guy just flat out lies. Of course the biggest lie guys tell is dick size but really I don’t care so much about that because I’m there with the person not his dick.
If I make plans with a guy to meet and he doesn’t show or contacts me when I’m on my way there to tell me something ‘came up’ there will not be a second meet.
Ive been saying this for a while now lol a rating system would dave us A LOT of time and effort. Gold star for that
I find the no-show as a major inconveneince. As a total bottom, I make sure I am prepped and ready to entertain. Going through all of that is a hassle if they aren’t going to show up. However, what I find even more annoying are the guys that don’t list it in their profile, but only want to play if you are generous. These guys should be flagged and made to be listed in the section for pros!
No shows happen all the time and for various reasons…Some good and some bad….I never take them personally and If I am the no show party I would always contact the guy and apologize and explain…If I hear from the same guy who was a no show I just politely advise that I’d rather not continue if you are just going to No-Show again. Apperances aren’t all that they seem…one guy was a no show a couple of times but when we did work it out and meet it was probably one of the best sexual encounters I have ever had…We are buddies now and see eachother often……Don’t judge a guy by his No-Show and just let it roll off your back…..
I agree – some queens would abuse the hell out of a ratings system.
I have found that the no show rate is much smaller than some of these others have found. (I’m in Portland, Oregon area)
Provided:
1. Pictures have been shared
2. The hook up is for immediately
I found that as long as the guy is horny and ready to go – it usually happens, over a longer time people get out of the mood and change their minds more often.
I also find that when there is a bit of travel involved – keeping in regular contact is a plus – texting update status of arrival and keeping the heat on with sexy chat and questions (hard to do while driving).
What surprises me the most is that I (and they) are going to be horny in the future and there are only so many guys in the city. Why not be respectful and leave your options open for tomorrow? (or the next day…)
in adtation to rating some on how much flk they are andstuff there shold bea funtion that sould remin perment on there pieofile that people can read where guys can leve a coment about ho good or bad they are in the bed room tow boys
I am so sorry, but this is just too laughable. For one, to rate a person based on being a show or no show actually defeats the purpose. That is like turning Adam into Angie’s List. You got males from their late teens all the way up to some in their 60’s and 70’s. I dare not say all are mature adults, because if they were, I doubt very seriously that this thread would be in existence. Nonetheless, as mean spirited most of the males on here are, labeling individuals based on the premise is just as juvenile as the ones who chicken out…lost a metrocard and couldn’t meet you (to those nyc or folks with mass transit fare cards) or found that sugar was mysteriously poured into the gas tank, thereby precluding one from meeting another.
There is no sense in even getting mad about it. It happens. On some level you probably should thank your lucky stars. Some people actually meet and fall right into a trap…get killed…robbed…assaulted chasing dick and ass and get more than they bargained for, but I do not see the site going away…You take your chances. The way I see it; if a person is going to go about the task of meeting and they know they are not up to par…or as horny as anyone who makes their need to meet known and there is no follow through, yet YOU follow through…you shouldn’t beat yourself up…GET OVER IT!!! I really see it…gay men do not grow up and that is terrible.
Not a great idea. It will be greatly abused and people will leave your website. No show is a part of online hook ups. If you are trying to hook up online then be ready to go with the issues that come with it. This is not e-harmony people, get with the program. Don’t mistake me for a no show supporter. I never been a no show and it happened to me only once where the reason was that the guy has to go report a hit and run.. Yeah that’s right. You just ignore them and move on. You cannot boil the ocean.
Case in point to a comment above: How can a person sell themselves for free?
I totally agree. Make a rating system or a way to comment about the experience. I have had so many flake on me.
Being “on” A4A but not really on is rude. Not responding because you’re not interested is rude. Have the balls to say “I’m not interested” and be a man instead of acting like a junior high cheerleader who plays games. If you intend to show up and something comes up, then call or message. Saying you’ll show but never showing is a beyond disrespectful thing to do. Gay men on A4A do all these things because that’s how they see men on A4A doing it and therefore do the same, but bad behavior does not legitimize more bad behavior.
Matt (one who comment earlier)
I agree with you. AT least try to be a man and follow through with the process or if not, say, not interested. In some cases it may lead to some males feeling butt-hurt, but it’s better than being inconsiderate. What goes around comes around.
hence men should and need act like men, not like little school girls.
Never underestimate the flakiness of a the gay male. The gay community is synonymous with committment-phobia, starting with the inability to commit even to dates.
The DK Corrollary to Dating Dudes: Never assume you are anything more than one of many options, and never expect a dude who is not your official boyfriend to stick around.
Any site like A4A is a fantasy outlet for most of the men here. I find that the guys who are able to converse, and who can openly describe what they want sexually, are real and show up. There are exceptions too. I’m usually on here at work, during slow times. Some guys are sooo insecure that if I open their message or profile, and don’t immediately respond, they wack out, send nasty notes and block! It’s like, get over it! I get busy and don’t respond, don’t get so personal about it!
isn’t being a whore and had a great time the same thing?
I have been flaked on so many times and I’ve been harassed at my home by so many guys you flake on me that I pretty much they try to rub it in and make me feel inadequate and weak and I just got so sick and tired of it I just been keeping to myself from looking up but I think the rating system would be abused unless there’s some sort of security code like in order to rate the person you have to get a security code of confirming that you were intended to hook up in the first place like when you guys are hooking up you’ll get a code saying I agree to hook up I agree to hook up and you hold on to the code to rate a person in the end and when you enter that code and then you have the ability to rape the person or not right person so big it like this you in person agree to hook up like you send a request like a little bitty bitty request and then it will send you back code confirming that you two were rate like the CAPTCHA and you hold on to that code until you have both officially hooked up which day you can use on their page to enter so you can actually rape the person without having it being abused by people who want to say they met the person when they really didn’t
another idea for the rating system with to be charging 50 cents or maybe a dollar to rate somebody so that would pretty much put a hold on the abusers pretty much I think that putting a price maybe or some sort of weed weigh levy on the rating system will keep people from the music yet such as instead of requiring security code to send the rate have it require a security codes that is given to you only if you need another person have agreed to hook up and you both get the same security code or different security code depending on the situation another idea I have for the of grading system is maybe having the price let me again set on it where you pay 50 cent to rate somebody maybe Aaron I don’t know its just up in the air right now because you gotta put some sort of way levy on it so that people want to be use it so I’ll take a look at my idea let me know what you think I’m available to chat anytime
i didnt mean to say weed. I hate weed its just i was using voice text type on my galaxy s 3
i think a comment system rather than a rating would be better
@Joseph124009–Stop with the voice to text unless you are going to use punctuation. That is one long run-on comment. LOL
Wow, a lot of angry gay guys here. So does this mean you’ll turn around and punish the next guy (who happens to be innocent)?
The last guy I tried to meet through A4A flaked out in a big way. This was not a quick “hook up”, but about a week of online conversation. He stood me up not once, but twice. It was rude and hurtful. I was angry, I resented him, and then I got over it. Looking back, it was as much my own fault as his for not having more self control and approaching things more intelligently. In the end I pity him. I now see him every time I log in, and he’s still there when I log off. I honestly think he’s too big a coward to meet anyone in real life. I feel sorry for him. He will never know what it’s like to be loved because he is not capable of giving love.
A rating system might be a good idea. Amazon uses one and lots of other sites do too. But I don’t think I’d use it. A4A isn’t selling books, it’s a dating site. Putting a rating on a person seems just plain wrong to me. But then, ordering up a guy like a pizza also seems wrong. Seems like all the angry guys feel like they are entitled to another person’s body and sex at their own convenience, without any risk or cost. Reality is, you win some, you lose some. If you can’t take the heat, then stay out of the kitchen.
My partner and I can verify all these comments about no-shows until I can tell just a few emails or texts if a guy is going to show or not, and my partner can, too. Someof them just want to get off by texting back and forth about what we would do in our sexcapade that night. I just stop texting. Those who come on hot and heavy –“Oh, fuck yeah, man, I cannot wait”– usually are cold and you never hear from them again. I’ve learned “bi-curious” means I’m not ready yet to do it, and I never will be…I just want to get off thinking about it; but that applies to a lot of guys on these websites. Some of them use these webssites to act out their fantasies, knowing full well they will never, NEVER go through with it. I’ve seen those on here forever, every single night, always looking and I’m betting, never doing or getting any. Seems like guys get hot in the moment, and when it comes time to show up, think better about it and just back out for no reason than they just don’t want to, which in some ways is their option but also mine/ours as well. However, we always host.
There are a TON of guys on here who like to make people drive or stand them up and make them upset for amusement…
I have been there before, It’s not fun. I would never do that to anyone!
The A4A thing drives me crazy. Over the years (decades) I have gotten to where I dont go to a guys home nor do I host. I state that clearly in my profile. I meet at a bathhouse or I rent a motel room (if I have a no show I can hookup with someone else). My favorite no show story for a motel is for a recent motel party I had, the email was sent out with directions for two separate routes with the hotel address and room number in the opening line and then again twice in the directions or a total of 5 times in the email. An hour or so after the ending time for the party I feel asleep, when I woke up I had 3 emails from a guy who said he was out in the parking lot and would I send him the room number, and hour later he had sent an email saying he was waiting for the room number, then an hour later he sent a third email saying he was still waiting for the room number. The kicker here was that I had a huge sign on the door with the room number! I emailed him back that it was odd since at the bottom of his emails were the directions with the room number 5 times. I told the story and laughed every time I tell it, that is one dedicated player/flake that will stay up all night to play games. LOL
I love reading these blogs . It’s great to know what others think. The rating system is a good idea but I know it will get abused. People have been rude to me very often unfairly. The world is full of people trying to get back at others for misperceived reasons of their own .The truth is dating is hard for everyone- no matter how sexy ,young, attractive , personable ,muscular etc. you are .I used to think white men had it better but all my friends are white , make good money are educated and each one has an unbelievably unsatisfying relationship. People are just crazy , really. Everyone wants the dream but few try to become the dream – and what about guys over 40 only wanting guys half their age .Beautiful natural world -twisted people !
Another comment : there is no good reason to reply to mail you do not like . Whorish profiles turn me off.I’m not going to tell someone that . I have the right to judge ! I also have the right and smarts to use my time at Adam as wisely as I can .I love to talk to other men – esp gay men but I find so many idiots and resentful people I really have learned to keep my helos to myself. If I try to be sexy and attractive and informed by reading & working out why should I bother with those who won’t .I don’t think I will be changing on this issue. So few men can be loving, resourceful, committed, responsible – the list goes on if they can’t at least turn you on physically , mentally don’t say a word. There are many losers just trying to get back at the world – many of them are gorgeous and resentful !