A4A: Preference or Prejudice?

hostyeswsi find some porfile verry afenssive expilay then one that say no fems that verious other bull shit wrre all guys we all have dick and weall need love we dont need hate that people who are do that jsut permote hatred int he gay comniulty what really needs be stoped to me the like trouing the race care as calling some the n word tis some thing you jsut dont do and or say

Well its not often that you see ‘Black men” Only. more often its no black, asians or latinos.
Its prejudice. Ask anyone of the people you excluded from the pleasure of ‘your’ company because of their race.

I couldn’t agree more. For me when I look at someone’s profile and it says “black cock only” or “no hairy guys” I move on. I like to think of it as an early warning rejection with out the disappointment. I like it. People will use race as a escape tool to hide from their real feelings or how they really feel.

I am an overweight black man and am often turned down or ignored by guys i think are hot. I understand everyone isn’t attracted to me as i am not attracted to everyone but if I read a guy’s profile and message him only to get the reply “no blacks” it does bother me. I think simply telling a person they are not your type is ok but when you say “no blacks” it goes beyond whats necessary to let a person know they aren’t your type.

I think its more appropriate and classy, to state what you are attracted to than what you aren’t, in your profile. I think stating what you want is preference but when you single out characteristics you don’t like (color, age, race, gender) and state them then you are being prejudice against them.

Btw, I really did get a reply from a guy that said “no blacks” but I’ve gotten replies from guys that tod me i wasn’t their type and I was completely ok with that because I’ve told guys that too.

People should grow up. If a certain race doesn’t stimulate an individuals interests, that’s what it is. accept it and move on. People want to send hateful messages. Big reminder of the crazy world we live in. bigger disappointment coming from fellow homosexuals.

Its a guys right and prerogative to state his preference. People need to stop being so sensitive to the fact that not everyone is going to find you attractive.

I find profiles specifying racial preferences to be racist, but I also appreciate knowing that a guy has a certain view, so I don’t bother contacting him. In my opinion, stating preferences is both good and bad. We all have them, but most of mine involve traits and characteristics that can be changed or controlled – such attitude, smoking, weight (in some situations), values, etc. Outside of those, I’m openminded and willing to see where things go. When I read a profile full of “preferences” and the last statement says, “just my preference”, it sounds like a complete copout. It makes some guys feel better to call a prejudice something other than what it is – own it…man up.

Interesting topic. I feel like this is an important thing to discuss though. Note that this is MY opinion only and, while I stand by it, I am fully open for both correction and reevaluation.

Prejudice is fascinating thing that I feel derives solely from either two things: irrationality or ignorance. From the first origin, we can say that people who are inherently racist or discriminatory are so simply because they have an irrational fear or dislike of a certain group of individuals on no basis. These people have an active prejudice. On the other hand, people who are prejudice simply because of ignorance have more so of an inactive prejudice. This second group seems more so merely unfamiliar or simply ignorant of another group so they develop an inherent wariness of very different others. Of course these are just general lines of description, and there can certainly be overlap.

Now, on the issue of racial preference — the NO BLACKS or NO ASIANS or the like haha. Often times I hear the false analogy, “Oh, it’s just a preference. You know, like broccoli! Just because I don’t like broccoli doesn’t mean I hate it and want to burn down all the broccoli farms. It just means I don’t want to eat it!” This is a close analysis of the situation, but here’s the thing — this analogy [or anything like it] is merely a reflection of that very same strange mindset. YOU are comparing other humans to VEGETABLES lol!! People are cognizant. They have feelings. They are human. They are NOT merely preferences to be thrown around because these categorical preferences hurt one another. These mere ‘preferences’ make others feel marginalized and objectified. They are the seedlings to a very dark history that hopefully will someday be learned from. One cannot compare preferences for food or anything else to ‘preferences in PEOPLE.’ It’s a harshly inaccurate and highly offense way to put it.

Still, we do this all the time though. However, we do this through ‘cognizant characterizations’ rather than innate ones. For example, I can say, “Oh, I prefer not to date people who have bad hygiene.” Whereas another person says, “Oh, I prefer not to date people who are ASIAN.” In this sense, I feel that that’s such a stark contrast of characterizations. The first one is a choice (be it conscious or subconscious) whereas the other is innate (something one is born into and must live with throughout ones life because of societal constructs).

Now there is, of course, the notion of an individual’s own personal ideals. I understand that most people mean no malice. Most people just ‘happen’ to like what they like. But see, I feel like that’s a false perspective. Things don’t just ‘happen’ out that way. Ask yourself, WHY do you prefer only THIS ethnic group or THIS race? I have found that there is a usual standard of three preferences:

1) Preference to only an ethnic group that one is comfortable or familiar with.
2) Preference to an ethnic group that one is unfamiliar with.
3) Preference to White people.

Now comes the shit-storm. I group it this way because of many reasons. Let me explain. (1) is grouped as such because it seems to be an example of either mild or extreme xenophobia. (2) is grouped as such because of some form of either mild to extreme fetishization. And thus (3) is grouped because I feel White peoples are neither necessarily completely unfamiliar or familiar to one specific individual because of their extreme prevalence in film, music, and media in general. Everyone has media exposure to White individuals, but not everyone necessarily is around White peoples very often. Also, because of the extreme prevalence of White peoples in mass media, they are very much a standard of beauty for most of the world. This is, of course, no disrespect to White peoples. It’s just that White peoples have a very unique niche in the market because of their high exposure in media, society, and cultural representation.

While people, at most times, do have have most control over their preferences, we DO have control over how we go about it.

So, I find that this is truly interesting then. I make the push that these preferences are not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing. Rather, perhaps what is ‘bad’ is the ignorance that follows. As such, I offer the following solution:

1) Acceptance of one’s own personal preferences. They are not inherently bad! Be happy with oneself! Be proud of who YOU are.
2) Willingness to explore! Being open to all forms of broadening is always a good thing. Be adventurous and do not merely rule out something without even giving it a chance or a second thought.
3) Understanding one’s own preferences and where they come from. Did you grow up without any exposure of Black peoples in your life? Is most of the media you consume only of White people?
4) Do NOT fetishize people. It marginalizes ethnic groups and makes them less of a people, and more of some strange, slightly dehumanized alien race. While it is okay to have fetishes, it is not okay to demean and dehumanize others because of it (at least non-consensually haha).
5) Be tactful. While it is okay to have preferences, I feel like it can be objectifying and disrespectful to vocalize them against people you have preferences against. Meaning: while there is nothing wrong with having preferences, there is something wrong with voicing one’s preferences in a way that may hurt other people’s feelings.
6) STOP THE CYCLE. Understand that your preferences are your own and a product of your own experiences and mindset. Do not assume that just because you do not prefer this group means that they are bad. Do not go around saying things that are not true. Do not teach your children or others that things that are NOT necessarily true just because YOU prefer them a certain way.

It doesnt matter how you state your preference or how polite you can be: there is always a guy who is going to get offended.

I used to state my preference as “no blacks, no asians” and then changed it to “prefer latin and white guys”….now i get less messages from guys who got offended! 😉

I think that there are plenty of those gay men out there that truly are prejudice and/or racist. It is very obvious in most profiles where it is bluntly stated. And those who do stated are most likely just on a4a for a hot sexual encounter(s).

That said, some of us do have that “fantasy” man or “dreamy” hunk that we would love to hookup with and have specifi physical qualities that we prefer. Like me for instance, I prefer that guys that hit me up are physically fit and within my age group. However I could care less of their skin color or the size of their dick etc etc etc. So I guess each to his own.

You can’t fault someone for liking something just cause you don’t agree. I also feel for the guys who are not the popular model that only few want. It’s not racist or shallow of you aren’t sexually attracted to someone. That being said both sides need to be nicer about how they say things.

I think it’s the way you word things that makes it in the perference or prejudice category. I’m a black male and lots of times i see profiles that say “not interested into black guys (not racist just my peference, please respect)” and i dont get mad b/c it’s not mean.

i myself perfer dominant white men and i’m not racist against other blacks so i understand but then i see comments that say ” likes all but blacks or no blacks( you will get blocked) and thats make me go ” oh excuse me” so as long as you word it properly you should be fine, if they still have a problem, well then that’s their problem.

Personally, I am an EOL. I judge based on chemistry, and my attraction is based on the amalgamation of attributes instead of making sure a checklist is completed. With that being said, there is much discrimination in dating/whatever you want to call it. If you say “no_____” that is discrimination in its simplest form. Now, whether that discrimination is based on a prejudice is a very personal discovery. Personally, i believe they are, because why else would we not be attracted to certain attributes while finding others sexy? We are definitely being conditioned by society (from birth). While I know we will never be post-race/size/gender/ability, what i hate is the “it’s just a preference” explanation because that denies the fact that we as a nation are conditioned to find certain things attractive, whether we consciously know it/hide it/whatever. If you are cool with your prejudice, then fine, but the “well i have many friends who are_____” is not flying with me.

Market yourself through your pics and your description. If someone hits you up that you don’t find attractive, simply say “sorry, you are not my type.”… but that’s a whole new topic.

First of all, I think people that find something offensive are looking for something offensive because they need to relieve themselves of negativity from an unrelated source. People need to understand that they have no privilege to take issue of others. If somebody says something they don’t agree with, close the profile and move on.

I like it if a guy has a clear vision of what he is hoping to find because I know if I don’t fit then there’s no sense pursuing anything with him. As for me, I try not to define anything in specific terms because I might miss out on a great conversation or may find a great friend in a person I would never consider being sexual with.

First of all, most men in here are SHALLOW! But anyways! This site is for different types of people. You get to choose what you want. FRIENDSHIP, 1 ON 1 SEX, RELATIONSHIP ETC. Not everyone on the site is looking for sex and it is not a sex site people. Yes! I do consider it to be prejudice. Its better to state what type of guys you like and what your looking for. There is no need to put what you dont like. Like said about NO Fats or Fems. There is no need to be rude and vulgar!

very correct and concise but please get real

I never really post responses to the a4a blog, but I think this is an interesting topic. First off–know that everything said is my own opinion & you are entitled to have a differing standpoint. With that said, I can understand how reading, “blacks only” or “Sorry, I only go for white guys,” can be a little daunting. You would like to think that in this day and age, we would’ve all evolved into individuals who ignore race or other psychical qualities. However, the truth of the matter is that race, height, hair and eye color are all obvious things that we can’t help seeing. Furthermore, they’re things that we can’t help being attracted or unattracted to–for whatever reason. I, like most guys on the site, am an offender of being pretty specific as to what psychical attributes I’d prefer in another guy (tall, white, masculine, around my age). It’s not that I couldn’t find anything outside of that criteria attractive, I’m only stating what I am TYPICALLY attracted to. But, it definitley is unfortunate when I see a guy who I’d want to talk to, but he’s specified that he’s not attracted to black guys. It sucks, but that’s life and in the end, it saved me a lot of time and effort. Try not to take things so personally, guys–it’s not the end of the world. It’s just adam4adam.

Interesting question. I believe the thing is that while few see this site as a meeting place, to a vast majority it’s a site to find the quick fuck. As such, they are stating who they find attractive for that particular end. I do not feel it is prejudiced per se, however, if you read some of the profiles that have those comments in them, the context can be interpreted as such. As for myself, I’m open to talk to anyone however, if I’m here for something sexual, I just find it easier to let the person know that I’m not interested in them like that. It tends to be received more positively.

Preferences are fine but the way of expressing it can be rude. Saying you prefer HWP rather than “no fats” makes all the difference in the world. Make it about yourself and your preferences and not about the other.

It always takes me aback when I see a profile that says something like “I’m not into black people”, which a surprising number do, more or less, and some outright. When they use the word ‘people’ or an analog, that sounds like prejudice to me. And if it’s meant benignly, I would suggest that a stern talking-to is still in order, because we learn tact and diplomacy, too often, by committing a faux pas, and then being corrected for it.

Personally, I like the smorgasbord that A4A is. There are people of every color, thin to chunky, short to Lurch, black, brown, tan, yellow, red, white and MyAssGlowsInTheDarkI’mSoWhite.

I mean, yeah, I have preferences, too. But if my only choices were clones of what I like…what’s the fun in THAT?

In my opinion, its gone a lot further than preference. Now men state what they want to be very stern and objective. I also feel like the issue has been rooted even deeper. I think porn has a lot to play in it as well. Men, especially curious men usually start out by watching porn and in porn you have men that might not fit the usual qualities of the everyday man. So then in turn they bring that image of what they want and the experience they want to have here. Which is why most find it offensive. Its okay to have a preference, but its sicking to think that our lifestyle is being tainted by the hate that I sometimes see on here. Men act like they are horny fuckers and don’t have the decency to even try to hurt others in their pursuit. Bottom line is it preference? i do not believe it is anymore. Gay men are just turning into self centered dicks, and the straight man is ruining our lifestyle more and more by bringing hatred…just my opinion

There is a major difference between preference and prejudice.

A preference expresses a high desire for one thing in comparison to another. Pepsi and Coca-Cola are both cola drinks. I prefer Pepsi, however, I have nothing against Coke. In the abscence of a Pepsi on the menu, I will be satified with a Coke. A profile that expresses “Latinos to the front of the line” is a preference. That profile does not exclude the other ethnic groups.

A prejudice expresses a judgement or rather a pre-judgment and is intended to degrade and/or exclude. A profile that states “White only” or “I do not find Black men seually attractive” is problematic in that it evokes and promotes hate.

There is such a limited number of spaces and characters that we can use in our profiles, so it is safe to assume that we place the most critical and pertinent information in then. When a profile excluses a candidate based upon race or ethnicity, it communicates that a person of that race or ethnic group is not worthy or valued.

Hair color, eye color, build, penis size, and height preference are innoucuos, but when it goes to skin pigmentation, it’s not a preference. It’s a prejudice.

You don’t have to bluntly state a racial or ethnic preference in your profile. If someone contacts you who is not your ‘preference’ you should just say thank you, I’m not interested or ignore them.

The gay community has had a tremondous struggle in this country. It seems ridiculous to have schisms within our ranks based upon race. People who discriminate against us, discriminate against us across the board regardless of skin colors. We should just grow up.

I honestly think it’s a preference. I think it’s better for people to be honest about what they want. For example I’m black but prefer to only date white guys. You like what you like and it’s better for it to be put out there right at the beginning so that people don’t waste their time or get their feelings hurt.

I have thought the same thing when I see someone state in their profile, “No blacks. Just my preference.” Not that I am judging anyone, but what is it about a black man that makes you not want to have sex with him? Is it latent racism? Some of the sexiest men I have ever seen are black and some of the best sex I have ever had was with black guys.

Well I am on A4A, yes I am a big guy but it’s sad to say that I have had hateful remarks made to me because I use a guide dog. I am yes visually impaired. I have been told no one wants to take care of me when infact I am very independent and I am working on my degree in law. Doesn’t really say much for someone who puts up such a front like they have a pocket full of money yet you make tips at a resturant. No offense to excellent waiters out there. People need to understand we all have challenges and we as a gay community are always crying that we are not being treated as equal, yet we can’t treat our own with respect. I always say tables turn and once you have a life changing event it really makes you wake up and realize being shallow is not the way, but being open minded and accepting of others should be the priority. My thing is if you can’t accept or deal with my blindness then I don’t have the time for you, but if you are willing to open up your mind and heart I have all the time to educate a person and put them at ease as to how my life really is and what is involved.

I don’t really have a problem with people stating their preferences…however…It does rub me the wrong way when someone says…don’t hit me up if you are ___ and then they hit you up…even if you fit that criteria…I feel it’s very arrogant..they can hit you up, but you can’t hit them up?? I’m older and I see some guys who hit me up that say no guys over 40…and I’m 42…I always reply that I’m out of their stated age range…and then they say something to the effect that they don’t care…blah blah blah…and I usually reply that they should think about modifying their profile then…lol

I think it’s a fast easy way to find what your looking for, nothing racist, after all there are 1,000,000+ profiles on here and if you don’t fit then move on, don’t waste your time. I’d rather ppl say no this or that, than waste my time emailing just to find out there isn’t an attraction to begin with.

This is an interesting an meaningful topic. I am a white, mature man who has dated, been in love with, and lived with, 3 men at different times. One white, one black, and one asian. Each of those times, because of who I was in love with, that is who I was attracted to. The man, not the race.

There are lots of thoughtful comments on here, with various opinions. I like comments on here that encourage “positives”, because that’s what it’s all about. Men don’t get on A4A to avoid contacts, they get on A4A to make contacts.

As for myself, when I look at my history of who I approach and who I am attracted to, it’s obvious there are more black men in my history than men from other ethnicities. I don’t have an explanation for that. Maybe it’s partly to relive some wonderful experiences. And there is honestly a physical attraction. I’m not into fetishes or stereotypes, but I appreciate some features and skin tones. But no reason to exclude anyone of any race or ethnicity, for friendship, or lover, or hookup.

In a way, I’m grateful when I see a profile that says “no old white men” because I know that’s not someone who there will be a question about. I also understand when someone black may have had a string of bad experiences with white men who considered them stereotypes, fetishes, or not worthy of friendship or romance, or not worthy of taking seriously, and I also appreciate there may sometimes be asense of camaraderie that can exist in a shared culture (although I don’t feel that for other white men. I don’t know why).

But I especially value the good conversations, growing friendships, and good experiences I’ve had on here with men who just wanted to get to know someone regardless of, or even because of, our racial differences. Life is too short to rule out meeting a great guy, just because of race.

I honestly think that it isn’t prejudice. You can’t help on what you like. For instance me, I only like white guys. And it clearly states it on my profile. But I also get a lot of other guys that hit on me and then they get all pissy when I tell them I only like white men. Why should they? They should of had read on my profile right from the start to avoid any miscommunication or confusion. When I read a “black men only” or “no shorter guys” I just move on and don’t make a big deal. Why? Because everyone is entitled to their own tastes and likes so why male a big deal out of something when it cannot be changed. Just my point of view

racism is racism not matter how you dress it up. if i put an add up on a site for a job and said no blacks or blacks only or no fats or fems. act. it is called discrimination. so tell me the difference please. chocolate or vanilla ice cream is a preference, apples, oranges, bananas ,are preferences. but when you start putting your hate out there about the type of people you are attracted to it becomes so negative and such a turn off.and it is racist. i agree it is a fine line but it just takes a little consideration on your part to decide when to disclose this info, with the person you are talking to. it’s really not much difference then on line bullying. when i see the negative profile in my room i just block them, unfortunately my block list is very long. this site has been a real eye opener for me. and not really a good one.

O.K. here we go again……A rose by any other name…..blah blah blah……..I like men…….period….race is irrelevant…….preference equals prejudice…………but this is America and we have a right to be ignorant…LOL

Personally I am glad to see the “just my preference” ….it allows me to exercise my prejudice against prejudice….sorry….just my preference……..If we would just get out of our own way….imagine how much better we could all be……..

As to Dav’s post about not finding black men attractive, it turns out that attraction has everything to do with subliminal social messages we receive from a young age that train us to find certain things beautiful and certain things not beautiful. Our sexual identity is as bound by structural and social forces as anything else. So guys who say they’re not into black guys, for example, are likely expressing deeply seated prejudices they weren’t aware they even had until the opportunity comes up for the prejudice to come out.

in short its not predjudic to seek out your sexual partner happy hunting guys “,,”

Would it be *sexist* for someone on this site to say that they’d prefer to be with a man than a woman? Then how is it racist to prefer a black man, a white man, or whatever race, weight-range, height-range, age-range, or *whatever* you personally find sexually appealing? I sometimes see profiles where I am pre-emptively rejected because I am too old (47) or because I am not black, or because I don’t fit their sexual practice. It can be disappointing, but their preference is what it is, and they are entitled to it.

Preference that can be stated in a racist way. Im white, and (I know this is so cliche to say) I have many friends who arent. Actually through my entire life, my best friends and those who Im closest to where and are not white. However, when it comes to sexual attraction, Im only attracted to other white men. I state this in my profile but try to be pragmatic about it. “White guy into other white guys”, I really dont even like having it there but it saves me and other guys a lot of time when its known that its not a match and wouldnt work out. However, crass statements ending in “only”, “need apply”, etc. I think do have purposely racist undertones to them and even if not are dickish and shows a lack of thoughtfulness or tact of any kind.

I feel so validated by this stream! I moved to California 2 years ago and I was very surprised to find so many guys that put “No Black guys” or ” Sorry into White Guys only”! It was my first glimpse of life as a minority. I come from the East Coast/South. I was accustomed to segregated gay scenes but never, pure segregation. People that comment that not being attracted to other races, and dont call themselves racist are delusional. If you dont prefer someone specifically because their skin color and ethnic features; YOU ARE A RACIST! Here is the good news! We all are! Most of us are considerate enough to keep our BS to ourselves. No Im not into Blonde “Hollister” types. But I wouldnt say that in a profile. I mean what idiot wouldnt take a turn with a hot Blonde twink!;) But if you would turn down a hot guy in every way, but skin color. You have a problem BOO BOO!

I am so happy to see people expressing themselves on this topic. And dont dismiss it! Of course, this is only a problem for the people of color. White men dont have to face this discrimination en masse. All my people of color understand. When people exclude persons of hue from their attractive list they might as well just replace their pics with Swastikas. For those of you that feature this language in your profile and dont think its blatant racism, its ok your no real loss.

I say preference. I’m a black man. I see profiles who have specific ideas.. black only, no black, whatever. I’m able to discern that it’s preference.

I don’t take offense, because i don’t see offense. If someone isn’t into black guys, why would I be bothered by that? Why would I even ENTERTAIN The idea to begin with?
There are so many insecure people who feel they can justify that.

Don’t get me wrong… i’m sure there are SOME guys who are being prejudice. There’s always some who are extremists, that’s natural. But most… just have an idea of the man they want, and good for them to say it. Whatever.

To me it doesn’t matter. I get the attention I want, and quit often deserve. And I ignore everything else that doesnt apply. Lets get over the bs. FInd a guy, don’t find a guy. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF THEM!

It upsets me that this is seen as prejudice. It isn’t like they are saying they hate other races. They are just being honest, “dude, sorry, you’re just not my type.” Rather than having to type that message out to every person that doesn’t meet their needs/wants can get ridiculous. I receive so many emails on this site everyday from people that I don’t find attractive. Sometimes, I tell them that they are simply not what I am looking for here, and they understand and are totally chill. Usually end it with “Happy hunting” or something to that effect. But some guys, generally speaking the ones who are more targeted by these comments, are quick to respond with hateful “victimized” comments. From my side, I would only have 2 choices, to tell them that I am not interested in meeting with them sexually, or I can be rude and blow them off. One seems the better option, but both end with the same result. I think it is unfair to us who try to display what we are interested in. However, I do agree that there should be a degree of finesse to the act of turning people down. It can be very rude the way some people do it. And I will not try and justify them. It is not prejudice.

As a child, I was raised with the philosophy of “If the shoe doesn’t fit, then don’t wear it”. That meant that if someone made an accusation but I was not guilty of said accusation, then I was not the one being referred to. Conversely, if a profile mentions traits, age groups, weight designations, race considerations (affirmative or not so), skin color differentiations, and I did not fit into any of those categories, THEN I SHOULD MOVE ON.

Not everyone is going to love me, no matter how fabulous I (and my mom) think I am. SO WHAT! There are plenty of people that do. Some of them actually want to be sexual with me. I still get to make MY CHOICES.

I should be able to do so without outside criticism from some random guy on a sex site, voicing his distaste, and disdain for MY CHOICES. Sounds like a lot of sour grapes from the guys that want to choose someone that doesn’t want to choose them.

Personally, I don’t want to be with anyone that does not think I am hot, no matter how hot I may think they are. Them thinking I am hot, makes me hot…Me thinking they are hot, makes them hot…and both of us thinking each other hot, makes us SIZZLING!…and the opinions of others don’t matter.

As a black man i have stated on my profile no white men. so….that means i am racist and prejudiced? i dont think so. i stae no white men cause sexually not attracted to white guys and i do not have the desire to hang around them. reality check this is a white centered society so at the end of the day i feel most comfortable being around people that look like me. so for friends and lovers i prefer men of color. plus reality check yes we are all men who love men but a white man can NEVER fully understand what it is like to be marginalized by the larger society and i do not have the energy or time to educate someone when i have been slighted because of my race.

So sorry not a racist or even prejudiced. its a prefrence.

Now as to why i dont like black men?……thats another issue…….:-)

To have a specific preference on who one would like to bed does not seem to be a problem to me…. HOWEVER, it does seem to be a bit dangerous, to all parties involved, when an individual becomes a slave to a laundry list of physical attributes. A person, with such limitations, is clearly chasing a well developed long term idea of a fantasy person or situation he’s been holding in his head for no telling how long. For you who may get excited because you seem to meet the requirements of this strict list, I recommend that ” YOU RUN LIKE HELL”. This fantasy idea /situation/fuck session/ relationship has nothing to do with any person other than the one who’s having them. This fantasy idea, or fictional person idea- if you will, is totally unattainable by anyone in reality. Majority of the relationships built on this adolescent thinking is sure to be problematic, disappointment, and no where near as satisfying as what a person can find if he only learns to deal with individual people as individual people and not some kind of ” grocery store commodity”! The idea that one can determine who would make a great lover based on the same principles of how one would choose a car or an article of clothing is Rediculous and significantly childish and really tells a great deal about that person— he probably has the emotional maturity of a teaspoon!

With that said, if you should still feel the need to apply such preschool principles to people you are wanting to bring into your life, THEN LET’S AT LEAST BE HONEST, BE CLEAR, BE CONCISE!!!!! First of all, let’s just face it….. When it comes gay/ bi / whatever the hell you wanna call yourself, in particular, it is indeed a fact that the majority of their friends ( of the same sex ) will be made of a group of people that they wanna fuck, plan to fuck, working on fucking, has or have fucked, and/or currently fucking! When apply your laundry list ( of who you will only bed ) towards people in general and it affects who you can even just befriend, talk to, or just be cordial and respectful to and all other aspects of life that have nothing to do with your bed then, yesssssss…. It is what is…. You are indeed a racist, a agist or whatever way you’ve allowed yourself to discriminate. There is NOWAY to be a polite bigot, or respectful prejudice asshole. ….. Just ain’t Noway! If you are truly not like that and are not wanting wanting to be seen as such, then just be clear about what you want. If you are just looking for some to bed, then say that. If you are just making friends then say that, If you are truly just meeting people to see what kind of chemistry there may be then say that. Choose one road at a time, but don’t blur those very diff forms of social engagment together and naively think you are gonna get anything more Or be seen as anything more…

In the context of A4A and describing what you’re looking for and what you like it’s clearly about describing your preference. Stop whining because your ego is hurt when someone doesn’t like your ‘type’.

i didnt know that the klan and the black pathers st arted carrying raimbow flags stop being rascist by you listing that its exactly what you are doing being a blunt rascist

As people have stated, everyone has their preferences, but as someone have stated, why not list the positives and exclude the negatives. If someone hits you up that you are not interested in, just do not reply. If they continue to hit you up after you haven’t replied, just block them. It’s that simple.

Putting no blacks, no whites, no fats, no fems, no this, no this is extremely offensive and close minded in my book. The best person in the world for you may pass you by because they may fit or may think they fit into one of those categories that you exclude. You just never know. One should keep all their options open.

Preference and prejudice are two sides of the same coin. Both make exclusions to something else. The only difference is, preference has a more positive connotation while prejudice carries a more negative connotation. I have mine just as you all have yours. We always say that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so what’s so wrong with trying to find that one variety of fish that stimulates us? And you’re kidding yourself if you think A4A is anything more than a hook-up site. It may advertise itself as a dating site as well, but how many success stories are there?

It’s prejudice when someone gets all offended by it. Saying a guy is tall, or bald, or has blond hair … no one’s going to get offeneded. But if you say he’s black or gay, many people throw down the prejuduce card. Why? You’re just stating a fact. There’s nothing about simply saying a gay guy is gay or a black guy is black that is demeaning in itself. You’re just stating an attribute they have. The prejudice comes when the PC police step in and add prejudice to a situation where there was none.

Not prejudice just preference. being an undetectable healthy poz male i face more rejection daily because of that over my skin tone

I’ve always felt its more preference than prejudice. I try to omit my preferences on my ads and just delete those that I’m not interested in because there are times where a guy who isn’t normally my preference is a hottie or just a genuine nice guy. (I’m the rare exception on a4a that uses the site to meet people as friends and network)

Now I’m curious to know what people think about guys who will flat out discriminate against you once they know your race… I don’t put down my ethnicity because my skin is white, I look white, and I “act” white but I’m Hispanic. Now it has happened to me a lot of times where I will get a message from a guy who’s interested and then we will be chatting and we get to the name/number exchanging and he will read my name and flat out tell me that he’s sorry but he’s not into Hispanic men… Even though nothing else has changed… And surprisingly this has happened a lot to me where I’m at the point of considering to change my name.

Well now, I prefer white or Latinos but that does not mean i would not have sex or pass up a black guy or and Asian because I have pick and asian and/or black guy over a white or latin guy. it’s about a look. But to blatantly say thing like “NO BLACKS” for example i find it offensive. Why not say something like i prefer a younger White guy between the ages of… or I am not sexually attracted to black guys or better yet just have some decency to not say anything at all and when that guy hits on you just politely say ‘thanks but You are not my type but i do appreciate the offer” that may or may not leave you to think well maybe I am this or am at that and not just he might be racist because he says he’s not into black guys or white guys… but to make a statement “not into black guys”, leaves me to believe that you don’t like them sexually and/or you don’t associate with black guys or otherwise… Always remember it’s how you say it. here again are two ways; 1.NO Blacks or Not into black guys and 2. Not into black guys sexually or Attracted too White guys but anyone can be friends . Now which statement would you prefer? The first statement implies racial overtones whereas the second implies a preference and not a racial I don’t like… I am black and I prefer white guys and Latinos. Where I live, here in Charleston, S.C. a lot of white guys won’t even respond to me delete, or say ugly things like not into blacks so I offer friendship and they say no thanks. but when I go out to the club, they are in there groups never to include someone of a different race and if they do, they are pretty close to being close to there race. I really believe that A4A should update the site to where you can select what exactly you are looking for “which they have” but it should be where no one else i.e. the guys that you are looking for can’t see you or respond to you and A4A screens our pics before posting I think they should screen the actual words in people profile and suggest that they say this way and not that way i.e. NO blacks vs not attracted to black men sexually.

How can it be offensive if you are just stating what you are looking for in the guy you are looking to meet or chat with if other guys see that way I think they should look in the mirror cause all they should see is hate staring back at them.

Everybody needs to “TASTE THE RAINBOW”!!! hahahahah LOL.

Stfu about being prejudice! There’s a massive difference between prejudice, racism and preference. I like chicken but don’t like turkey. So I guess that means I’m prejudice against turkey? Uh, no its something I don’t find appealing. I prefer white guys and Latino guys and don’t find black guys attractive in a sexual sense. This doesn’t mean I don’t have friends who are black and don’t socialize with black guys. For those that say “you should be attracted to their personality, not skin color” um attraction goes a LONG way past personality .I’m attracted to white guys but if they have a messed up personality then I’m not attracted to them. Same for skin color. You can be a black guy with the best personality ever but I won’t be attracted to you. I prefer Pepsi over coke, 7up over sprite. Attraction is attraction period. It’s when negative connotations come about opposite races that it becomes an issue. Me saying I like white masculine top guys who are hung doesn’t mean I wish black feminine bottom guys should all die. If anything that’s like saying “oh you’re gay? That means you’re prejudice against women!” What about white guys who love black guys and that’s all they hookup with? Are they prejudice against their own race? Swear some people are fools. Just because other races don’t find you attractive that you find attractive and they keep shutting you down doesn’t mean they’re racist or prejudice. Like apple jacks, we eat what we like.

Well, you hardly ever see into black men. Mostly it’s no Asians or blacks. Most races view having sex or dating with black men is such a taboo or a social step back! And most black and Latino men feel that dating a white guy is a pat on the back!

It basically stems down to the fact that this is an internet personals. And of course whites will have it better than other races because the media desexualises men of color. So, the standard of beauty will always be a muscular white male. This just translates into sites like these.

No. A white male will never know how it feels to be rejected.
Yes. Most white males probably are oblivious to the realities of preferences and how they say things can hurt.
Yes. The media is controlled by “mostly” white men, as long as they hold capital of the media, why would they want to share their sexualisation with other races?
BUT no, I don’t think all white males in general are all highly preferential /prejudiced.

My bf is white. While I don’t particularly go out of my way for white men (actually I love latino and asian men) he is the love of my life and he doesn’t have a racist bone in his body.

Preference is prejudice hidden in ignorance. Why list what race or body type you prefer for the sake of putting down someone else’s cup of tea? Personally I find white men to be all so predictable in actions and words, plus they smell like bologny. Black men for the most part are shady and insecure.

Everyone here has at least one valid point but the real issue is most guys seem to want 11s and they are 6s for whatever reason aka delusional…if u aren’t that way then why should it be held against me because I’m not? The majority of guys want white twinky boys. Idk if this is all their fault though due to what the gay media constantly wants to promote and considering most people aka everyone period regardless of orientation, usually are self aware enough to see how the media really does shape them right or wrong

Obviously people have a RIGHT to be sexually attracted to whomever they desire. The way how sexual racism becomes a problem is when people are rude about it. But to be honest, I can say that when I am on Adam4Adam the number of white guys hitting on me is more than the black guys. I have always found this ODD. I wonder why? My issue is a bit different I don’t care if someone of particular race isn’t someone else’s type. What I have learned as an adult is there is always SOMEBODY out there for SOMEONE.

I would have to say there is a lot of ignorance and bias on the A4A site.

There is nothing wrong with sexual preference, however I have seen racism, classism, and agism on a scale that makes me sick! I met a guy once who would not date me or have sex because I wore the “wrong” brand of clothing. I have also had a few guys tell me I should have physical harm come to me because they did not like the way I looked.

I see all the time ads that say no one over 30, no blacks, or that you must be straight acting. Diversity is a great thing and I love my men in every shape, flavor, and color! It really saddens me that many Gay people have become as narrow minded as the bigots who want to see us all burning in hell.

On an individual basis, some people are prejudice and others are just expressing their preferences. However, the wording is very pivotal regarding preferences. It seems these guys spend more time writing about what they don’t want over expressing the qualities of what they are seeking, rather it’s just sex or friendship. No offense to anyone, but most of the harshest language comes from white guys in their 20s and early 30s. A good percentage of this group (specifically in certain geographic locations in the U.S., San Diego being a good example) are unnecessarily rude in their profiles to older men (30 being old these days), black men, chubby/fat guys, and guys whom THEY consider unattractive. When I travel, I naturally log on to A4A and find that there is a difference geographically on how guys express their preference. When I visit the southern states, the Midwest, D.C., and European countries, I noticed more black and non-black men are seeking black guys, but was not rude to others about it in their profiles. “Mostly into blacks”, “Prefer black guys”, etc…but I did notice a few profiles that bluntly stated, “Blacks only”. I see a lot more of “Whites only” on the east and west coast.

People are people, rather gay or straight. This generation seems more arrogant and very narcissistic compared to generations before it. I’m in my 40s and don’t even bother looking at profiles that have nasty and rude comments in it about others, especially those who put a bunch of BS in their profiles and apparently never get laid. I definitely have my preferences, and no I don’t reply back to everyone that sends me a message, but I don’t say harsh or hurtful things to them or block them just because they may be too old, or too fat, or not attractive enough. When it comes down to it, stop being hateful, angry, and judgmental. When I don’t reply back and the individual sends another message, yes, I may say my peace, and then block him if it gets out of hand. Simply, move on. Just because you don’t like a particular type, doesn’t mean you have to be particularly nasty to them.

It’s a double-edged sword, that’s for sure.

To those who think it’s NOT prejudice: wait till something similar happens to you, and it doesn’t even happen to be sexual.

To those who think it IS prejudice: come on, don’t tell me you will sleep with people at random.

When on this site it is perfectly ok to state bluntly what u want. Im just not in to black guys so why would i spend my time messing with someone im not in to? Im not going to apologize for my preference and quite frankly i could care less if ur black and you hate me, ur not who im looking for.

we like who we like for whatever reason…don’t see a problem and never necessary to take personally….something for everyone…great site.

I was very interested to see this discussion raised on this website, but was hesitant to say anything. Maybe it is becaues I have lived in the midwest where the preference of most men (even other black men) is white, jocular males, but I have come across more profiles that say “whites only” or “no blacks, sorry” than I have ever known what to do with. While A4A is predominantly marketed as a sex site, the author of this piece brought out that friends are often made on A4A too, and this couldn’t be truer in a small town or by a military base (I’m an officer in the Army) where the only way to meet people you have common interets with may be A4A. That’s when I feel like scrolling through page after page where the guys you would be interested in meeting/getting to know/hooking up with reject you for the one thing you can’t change borders on prejudice,but it’s the overall effect, not just one person’s page. Just like having a picture, everyone has their likes and dislikes, but I sometimes wish people wouldn’t be so quick to negate possibilities that could be worth their time simply based on the hue of my epidermis!

I think the race issue is not so much focused at individuals as it is at predominant gay culture overall (at least in the midwest; I can’t speak for places I haven’t been too). One person’s profile doesn’t end the game, but the overall theme of some cities/states rooms can be rather hurtful.

Having said that:

I’m not attracted to black men

I’m attracted to tall white men

If you’re a black man, either way you read that statement is going to make you feel like the odd man out

The difference for weight is that the person involved could change that if they wanted too. If you’re overweight and you are unhappy being such, you can do something about it. I did… there are pictures of me from college in which I barely recognize myself. Don’t misundestand me; I’m not saying you should have too, but I am saying lumping those things together marginalizes the difference of the color discussion.

What I do is if someone that i dont find attractive hit me up…I just wont respond. I do state that I do date interracially so a gentleman may feel free to msg me. I honestly think that racism will be a problem and I hope that the gay communities are ready to backtrack because as far as im concern If we can solve racism within are community…..they wont be gay marriage. The discriminated is practicing bigotry! If someone hits u up just ignore dont show that u own a pink hood! I have yet to see a pink panther party pumpin fist! Its like individual prides! Thats a waste of time and money. Pride and black pride…….

I’m Native American/Latino mix (my friends jokingly call me their Aztec buddy). I am not sexually attracted to overweight bald old hairy white guys…but I’m not going to say that in my profile. Instead, I’ll say what I am looking for…which is a masculine white or latino guy around my age or younger.

It certainly does help when a profile states, “no reply if you’re latino”. It saves a lot of hassle in showing me how shallow a person can be before I expend the energy in saying hello.

There are a lot of profiles out there that state what a person doesn’t like. It makes you wonder what that person does like. But it also gives you insight to what type of person wrote the profile, and whether or not they’d be fun to meet in the first place.

It doesn’t matter whether the person is hot-looking or not, you know? Very often, the beautiful can become ugly. And vice-versa. 😉

I meant to say that I am not interested in women, sexually…everything else stands as is…..

Personally, I prefer knowing if someone is racist, sexist, ageist, classist, body fascist, or self-loathing before I waste my time talking to them, so please, all douchebags, put that shit on your profiles and save the rest of us the effort, mkay?

People keep saying “It’s a preference”, but isn’t it also a “Preference” when someone would “prefer” to hire a White person for a job?

When people state a race “preference” on Adam4Adam, the vast majority of the time, it is usually done in a way that marginalizes the Black race, either directly, or indirectly.

Stating what you “do” like, when it comes to race, is definitely a more positive approach, but still only euphemistic.

At the end of the day, people should be entitled to share their feelings with others, without someone saying that they are “whining”, because whining about people’s ‘whining’, is hypocritical.)

The rainbow is a symbol embraced by the Gay Community.

Why not be open to “taste the rainbow” 🙂

We can’t always control the thoughts that come into our heads, but we can control what we say and what we type in our profiles. Profiles with discriminating statements in them? It is like signs hanging on the front door saying: “NO BLACKS OR CHINESE ALLOWED.”

Preference is one thing, racism is another. If you have hundreds of guys contacting you from a race that you aren’t attracted to, simply don’t respond, or tell them no thank you. It is painful to some people to endure disparaging remarks about their culture. It is just like the signs for water fountains that used to say say Whites Only.

Get some sensitivity.

Why are we even entertaining a conversation where some people are advocating a kind-of censorship on a gay hookup site where cock and ass shots are everywhere..? This is not a politically correct venue. Let’s not try to put lipstick on a pig.

At the end of the day we all have prejudices, because as humans we are all shallow and judge. It is what it is. What bothers me is the overall hypocrisy that I witness online with men in general. I think that people should only ask for characteristics they have within themselves. So If you’re old and prefer only twinks, or if you’re fat as all outdoors and only desire muscular builds, or look like a troll but demand that only VGL men hit you up or you exclusively date outside of your own race, you’re setting yourself up for a well-deserved failure. 🙂

of course ‘preferences’ stated in the “NO BLACKS”… “No chinks”… “No Mexicans”.. vein of thought is offensive for some.

I don’t really care. As a black person, I know my history. As a result of America’s ugly history with racism, I wouldn’t be caught dead sleeping with someone white. I can admit it. Sound bad? Who cares. I know there are 400k+ whites who feel the same way. Try this: Tough Skin meets self-love

Most people use the word preference to hide their prejudice. FYI, preference is liking something specific but willing to try something else if that isn’t available. On A4A, I’m happy to see those who vent their prejudice and let the world truly know them. Saying hello to a person would not impose on your life. If people demostrated Character, Compassion, and Consideration and realized the foot print we leave on others. This will be the Karma journey.

This is a moronic argument. To suggest that having a sexual preference is prejudicial then it is also sexist to not want to stick your face in a pussy. How dare we gay men discriminate against vaginal sex!

On the other hand, some profiles have statements like “[fill-in-the-group] are [fill-in-the-insult]” or “I hate [fill-in-the-group].” Those *are* really shitty and no one would try to defend them.

I pretty bluntly state in my profile what I’m looking for and what I’m into. Do I care if someone is offended by that? Not at all. Too many people seem to think that just because you like to have sex with men that means you have to like having sex with any kind of man. That’s total BS. I know what gets me hard and what doesn’t. Nothing pisses me off more than someone who calls me a racist because I tell them “sorry, not into black guys” or “sorry, not really into Latino men.” I’m friends with every conceivable race, but white guys are what gets me hard. That offend you? Too bad.

If you say your looking for friends, networking and simply ignore a certain race, weight, or age your predigest. Stop trying to kid yourselves. I typically like mixed, Hispanic and white twinks or jocks. I get hundreds of messages every few days from all shapes and colors and I have no problem responding to every decent message.

With that said if you message a person that suggests on their profile they are racist, you can’t be surprised they don’t respond.

If I posted “no women” would that make me a chauvinist?

I think there is too much of a focus on the rejection aspect- we’re ALSO talking about PREFERENCES based on or against people’s race, &/or other physical attributes, over which they have little or no control. So it’s not just people ‘whining’ about rejection- some of us cynically laugh at the supposed flattery of being told how atrractive we are because of the race we were born into through no design or control of ours. Even so, we have to accept that people on both sides (pro & anti) don’t appreciate these perspectives- & that is why I THINK it’s good to have discussions. I also THINK it’s not good to dismiss discussion as a ‘whinge fest’….the more you know, the smarter you can be.

For what it’s worth, ‘minority’ groups are a contextual category that historically makes the subject of their classification a very sensitive issue. If you have a legacy of racial discrimination, whether someone’s attracted or unattracted by you based on race is uncomfortable…we’re all trying to get beyond the past, you see; where we’re all just seen as PEOPLE.

For my part, I’m wary of both pro & anti racial slurs…& sadly, I’ve found my misgivings to be often justified. Reason is, as I’ve just read here & now understand, this is a shag site- first & foremost. So it’s about commodifying ourselves. That’s why we have such little regard for courtesy….I mean, just because you have the right to do something, does that mean that you can’t have due regard for anyone’s feelings? Apparently not…given the nature of A4A.

I have no problem dealing with attention from people that I’m not attracted to. I decline in various ways- it’s easy: ignore, delete, block…or if I have the time, I say ‘no thanks’. My stipulations on my profile are about character traits: what people make of themselves- things they do have control of. Of course I have physical preferences- very much so. I don’t feel the need to indulge my ego at thr expense of others though- wading through the undesired is just a part of the experience here. That’s just me though….

I would suggest that we’re not generating any sense of community here with this present behaviour: instead, we’re promoting, advocating & committing acts of segregation all over again; be it pro/anti black, white, asian, fat, ‘fem’, old etc. No one’s telling anyone that they ‘have to’ anything, & there’s no need to feel so self-important as to berate anyone for ‘whining’ when they’re discussing an issue. I get a lot of attention here. It seems that this site prefers black men & it predominantly composed of it. I’m not attracted to many here, yes for some physical reasons but mainly because of their attitude & the prevailing mentality here, which shows little respect for themselves & by extension, for others. I’m not attracted to a man with little self-respect. Yet, I’m humbled my every message that I get, even though the majority put me off, just because the world is full of hate & people don’t realise how valuable it is to be the subject of someone’s desire, even when they’re not your type at all. So take it from a ‘victor’s’ perspective, if you will: I get lots of messages. So I’m not ‘whining’ about rejection. I’m putting forward my view in a discussion that concerns us ALL. & I think that we lack enough concern for each other. No need to be so light-headed & overwhelmed by a little attention that we start forgetting courtesy & dismiss people’s hurt as ‘whining’.

Maybe if A4A started trying to promote more of a sense of self-worth than the sexual commodification sweeping the site, there’d be less of a racial (& other) slur to the use of this site. Maybe then people would realise that this is about PEOPLE, not ‘x cock’ or ‘y hole’ (where x, y = any racial, ageist or other featural variable). Perhaps put in more effective filters that allow people to discreetly select the ‘categories’ that can see & contact them as we clearly have a way to go yet in this expansionist era.

I have spent my time talking about how racist the gay culture is. We are ridden with images in porn that generally depicts white toned guys having sex with one another. Seldom do you see interracial couples fornicating. If you wanted to see a black man having sex you have to search. We have our own category at times which doesn’t make sense to me. I agree that the media plays a hand in this. Most white men are attracted to what they see and they see other white men. As a black man who has been on this site for a while i will say i have a tendency to tell people that i don’t like over weight dudes and my profile may say i don’t like guys over 35 but that isn’t actually the case that is a filter for weird older guys who attempt to pay me for sex.. The fact that white men honestly believe that telling me they aren’t interested simply because i am black isn’t racist astounds me. Really if i said i don’t want you to be my teacher because you are white then all hell would break loose. I don’t discriminate when it comes to men by race or gender or creed. I don’t get mad if you are older and honestly if u have a few extra pounds i wont freak out but i have to be attracted to you. I have to be attracted to the person and not their body. The one thing i hate about gay culture is how quick we are to judge one another. Has it ever crossed our minds that we are judging each other with un realistic characteristics that only 10% of the population actually fits into. It is bad enough that i get starred at for being black and the one place i thought i wouldn’t be was here on this site and anywhere else where my fellow gay men where but i soon found out that wasn’t the case. How can i like our culture when you all dislike Black people so much.. I want to enjoy life and love and sex as much as the next guy. I don’t want to to go to your profile and feel like i went back in time where there were signs that say just like your profile states “NO Blacks”. What we are taught in Diversity is that white people don’t realize the impact that their words have and are even more oblivious to the fact that its racist to say no blacks as a preference. There is a fine line between preference and down right hate. I was in charge of a pride youth group with kids of all back grounds and it was really sad to see them realize that our culture will judge them more than regular society. It was hard to tell a kid who was slightly over weight that gay men will treat him like he is huge when in reality he isn’t. It was hard to tell a young black gay man that no matter where he is or what he is doing gay or straight people will only see his skin color first and honestly that is what all white people see first gay and straight alike that we are black and nothing more..

I saw an add whose profile heading stated ” Asians are fuggly. ” I’m not Asian but I found it offensive. It would of been better it read no Asian. It seems it’s ok to exclude people until the excluder becomes the excluded.

While some people could def be a little more tactful, I’m not going to try and persuade anyone to change their minds to like me either. Some people are perfectly fine being a bigot & it just makes it much easier for me not to associate with them. The whole “no blacks, whites, asains, latinos, etc” is kinda gross to read & makes me wonder about one’s mindset. However, as a person of mixed race it is unsettling when people make “exceptions” for me despite stating otherwise on their profile – I make it known that I’m still not interested. I recently had someone respond to my message with “white, hispanic, asain only” – this was after he viewed my profile & without deleting the trace. I had only asked a question out of curiosity about his bizarre bdsm profile and I wasn’t interested in him physically. I was more offended that this person thought I found him attractive – than I was by his rude reply LOL. Plus he had the nerve to call me a troll when he was trolling profiles in other cities hundreds of miles away. He blocked me so I couldn’t respond grrr. His profile is ________ if you’re curious. 🙂

One other point since nameless flushed it out. Ask yourselves who are the white male gay 0.75 percent that pushes the marriage agenda over the eliminating racism/patronisation in the so called community agenda? Who owns and profits from all these cyber boards on the net and whose agenda do? Never think that you are0 immune from white supremacy under the aegis of rainbow inclusion for their was a time when I as an african was asked for three pieces of picture I’d to enter a bar on castro with my then running pack of 2 whites 2 latins 1 asian and 2 lezzie sisters
Can’t have marriage equality to give tax breaks for some while denying the existence of racism within affecting all should the agenda being pushed. The folks wanting marriage equally are just protecting their 0.75 percent queer wealth status. Ask tim cook next time you see him what’s more important to him I bet it aint race equality as much as economic

So is it preference to date someone with a job or bank or is it prejudice? Whose yo daddy and what kinda suga is in da jar? You want cane from the stalk or refine white crystal in yo bowl you want brown in packets or molasses with all those good minerals and vitamins? How you like yo suga may say a lot about you 🙂

I have to add in some cases they don’t realize I am part black for whatever reason… Once they do I have gotten comments that include but not limited to “I don’t do black , bye” or “I just realized your sub human” . Being part white I get this feeling that I can’t even describe.

Again If he is looking for sex, relationships, dates, casual sex I get it.. But if your looking for “friends” or “networking” it’s disgusting.. But I mean at the same time it’s been what ; less than 75 years sense blacks were on a legal playing field.. So what can you really expect from this slave country.

I think it’s silly to even post your preferences, because there are always exceptions. It’s not hard to tell someone “I’m sorry, you’re not really my type”. But I’m older than I look, and have seen profiles that say “No one over 30” And they message me telling me that I’m hot. I’ve actually seen a few that went from that line to “Prefer under 30, but there are exceptions” after they met me. LOL

^^ What David said — there is an implied “No Women” preference/prejudice that pervades this site — also, tops are looking for bottoms — orals are looking for orals, etc — when it comes to masc/fem i am not sure what i am but when i read someone has a preference for “masc” or a prejudice against “femme” then i don’t waste my time hoping that i am “masc enough” for them — way too many fish in this sea — don’t compromise — know what you want and go for it.

If you dont like something, then dont do it, but dont shove your self-righteous viewpoint on everyone else. Dont tell everyone else what to do. You guys bitch and moan about race preference and take it personally and internalize it – you are doing yourselves a disservice.

I like tall guys. Short guys dont choose to be short anymore than a black guys chooses to be black. Does that make me a bigot because I am attracted to a guy that is taller than me? NO! Im a passive guy sexually, so I like bigger/taller guys who are more dominant. Height is no different from race as far as ones ability to control it.

Now fat people claiming that they are “born that way” is a bit ridiculous. Yes some people are born with rare diseases that make it virtually impossible to be fit, but sorry no one is born with a diseases that forces big macs and milkshakes down your throat against your will. So spare me the bullshit guys.

Claiming that race preference is prejudice is ludicrous. I come across plenty of profiles that say “black only” or “twinks only” or what not. Im not offended, I move on. Sure, am I a little disappointed that the hot guy isnt into muscular white guys, of course, but I dont think the white guy is racist against other white guys LOL or wouldnt stick up for me against a gay-basher simply because Im not a twink. Seriously guys get a grip!

I get a lot of emails from black guys that say “you into black?” – I usually ignore those because the person sending them is ugly as fuck, and they want to use their skin color as a crutch to say “he doesnt like me because Im black and hes racist” – they dont want to take ownership of the fact they never go to a gym or bathe. Im into “hott” – if you are hott and black, then Im into you. But stop using your skin color to claim we are all racist when you look like a fucking hott mess nasty ass mother fucker!! Go to the fucking gym, wash yourself, send a picture of your face not your nasty ungroomed taint… I mean seriously guys!!

It not my problem you scape goat your race to feel sorry for yourself.

Vagina is disgusting to me. I will NOT have sex with a female. Does that make me sexist? NO. Get over this race-bullshit.

Prejudice

I am black. I grew up in a white neighborhood. Majority of my friends are white and still are and some of their families are prejudice towards blacks.

My white friends have sexual prejudices…. not preferences

for example “I don’t want to be with anyone that’s not white and doesn’t look like me”

I don’t think that it’s wrong for people to put what they don’t like. I personally don’t do it, but like how others have said the delivery of such statements is the issue.

It does feel like a slap in the face when you see SO MANY people on here with “NO BLACKS” or whatever on their profile…

We need to have more respect for eachother because we get so much disrespect from other places. The hate within our own “community” is sickening and seeing those long list of prejudices is a turn-off even if it isn’t directed towards me.

Now is it really because of the color of my skin? or something deeper.

I have had guys message me clearly stating they are not interested in blacks because of the HIV/AIDS statistics.

This is cruel.

Its an embarrassment that in the year 2012 guys are still saying stuff like “no blacks asian or latino’s ” and also no fats in their profile…

This is not the 1960’s and as a gay male i would think since we have overcome alot of discrimination , Gay men would not have this hang up enough to put it out there.

Yes we all have our “types” but if someone who is not my type says im handsome ,accept it and enjoy the kind words and leave it at that. No need to hate on eachother. One of my favorite Quotes is

“Hate cannot drive out hate , only love can do that ”

Martin Luther king Jr

Preference. Black man here. I prefer short (5-8 and under) men. Slim to thick. Not fat. I prefer other black men. Prefernce. taste and smell turns me trhe fuck on. Dark lation men are cool too. Same parameters. Not racial, prefernce. Why are we askin this question?

It is definitely preference. I am a white male who is only sexually attracted to black and asian males. I do not want to waste my time explaining to a very nice and well-intentioned white man that I do not want to pursue sexual relations with him. If he knows up front, then he may choose to approach me for friendship. However, he will know that his sexual pursuits will not be worth his time either.

I do have friends of all races, religions, sizes, etc. My circle of friends is very diverse. But when it comes to the men I choose to undress and have sex with, I can only obtain an erection if the man I am looking at and touching is black or asian. Enough said.

Interestingly, I have never seen a profile that says “no jews” or “christians only”. The exclusivity only pertains to race, ethnicity, and physical appearance. Men are widely known to be stimulated visually, which is why a lot of men are hung up on physical appearance, and not attributes like religion, employment, materials, etc. I’ve never seen “no truck drivers”, “corvette drivers only”, “no fast-food employees”, “doctors only”, “no suburbanites”, “city-dwellers only”, “no divorced parents”, I have seen “married men a plus”.

All-in-all, gay men don’t care about where you come from, what you do, what your family is like, what you drive, what you own, as long as your this race, this ethnicity, this waist size, and “masculine” (which I can go off on).

The whole “no blacks”, “no asians”, “no fems”, the “no, no, no’s” always turn me off and I stay away from them. If I get emailed by someone with anything like that in their profile, I ignore them. Besides being offended and disgusted, that person comes across with a lot of drama and alternate views I don’t want to be around.

I should also add the “no drama”. There’s a difference between the emotional-life-sucks-drama and the I’m-going-to-get-you-fired-from-your-job-if-you-don’t-sleep-with-me-drama. Overall, I think this post reflects back on a previous post about how to write your profile.

And I think this category falls under the negative profile. If you’re profile is a list of negatives, do you even know what you’re looking for? If you’re looking for someone who shares your bigoted beliefs, then there are other sites more tailored to your “beliefs”. As they say, “birds of a feather flock together”. Why would I want to flock with a hate-mongerer?

As someone who is half asian and half black, Guys who are all no asians and no blacks do tend to hurt. But most of those guys are douche bags anyway.

I also realised that Europeans seem to find me extremely attarctive for some reason. Now I don’t go outta my way to date a white guy but I find this highly intriguing. It appears other race’s are embraced in Europe but here in America other races are desexualised.

Kinda sad really. Most whites will never admit it though.

First Adam4Adam, I am glad you are bringing up this issue.

I as a black male do not have a problem with people having “preferences” on who they sleep with. However I feel the way it is expressed here is damaging. “No blacks”, “No asians” is naturally hurtful and insensitive to those groups. I would prefer people state “I prefer …”

Talking with friends I don’t think anyone really understands their “preferences.” Some of it may be purely sexual while some of it may come from deeper non-sexual feelings. You ever hear someone say “he/she was cute until he/she opened his/her mouth.” Personality plays a role in our attraction and when you consider that people often have preconceived notions of a person based on their looks you begin to wonder if people are often turned off by certain races because of stereotypes.

One thing stuck with me from chatting on Gay.com in a computer lab. A friend (latino) and I talked to the exact same guy at the same time and he had no idea we were next to each other. His way of talking to us was starkly different. While talking to my friend normally, he would try to use a lot of slang with me. He knew nothing about either of us but had preconceptions about me based on my photo and maybe a one line bio that said little.

Finally the biggest problem that I have with this issue is that while we do have a preference for who we sleep with I do not think that preference should carry over to who we talk to or choose to be friends with. I think it is not preference but prejudice when you post “no blacks” and then post “only looking for friends” or “just looking to chat.” It’s either flatly racist or at the very least disingenuous when it comes to your intentions.

If a gay bar or gay club said ‘no blacks’ or ‘no asians’ there would be an outcry..and we would probably have Peter Tatchell picketing the place!! Yet, it is perfectly acceptable on gay websites? Maybe because it is easier for gays to hide their biggotry behind their keyboards!

Calling it a sexual preference is a total cop out…and comparing it to saying its just the same as ‘no fats or fems’ is patronising to say at the very least!

Race is not a body type or characteristic that you can alter..and some gay guys need to appreciate that you cannot change your skin colour or racial origin!!

When someone states they prefer their own race.. it is telling other races that they are inferior to their own race, unattractive and unworthy of them.

Having said that I also find there is more racism in the gay scene than in the straight club scene..and although apartheid was abolished in South Africa over a decade ago…it is sadly very much alive in the gay community..and judging by vast amount of racial sexual preferences on a4a and other sites, it just sadly perpetuates this !!

I’ve learned that when you reach a certain age, people on here dont wanna talk to you espicially if u look a certain way. And i hate when you message someone and they dont message you back or block you because they dont like you. You dont know me to block me or not messaging me back but just because im old or maybe ugly, you block me or dont message me back. Its sad.

I can see how some can take preferances as prejudice. For me, I do not have a sexual desire to be with a black or asian man. I just have no sexual attraction at all. Before I came out I did date both white and black women. I am not saying i will never broaden my horizons either. I am open to all races but havent found anyone in those groups that interest me. I am 25, 5′ 11″ and 160 lbs. I want nothing to do with someone over 35 and weighs a lot more than I do. Height doesn’t matter to me. I am saying we all have our likes/dislikes. It is a matter of being attracted physically which leads to being attracted sexually for all of us. Point blank!!

No blacks, No Asians is
Prejudice. Period!

STating a racial preference is in its very basic nature a racist act. Coming from a racist society in the South then moving to the extremely diverse city of San Francisco there is a direct correlation between societal bigotry and racial preferences on A4A. We are all guilty of it: whites, people of color, and ethnic minorities.

With this being said, hopefully we can all identify these prejudices within ourselves and work on them. In the mean time I’d suggest not getting bent out of shape because someone doesn’t want to suck your dick after a two word message. You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Thank you for your honesty Steven. God bless

Think about it. If u were a vegetarian making out your grocery list…..do u know how insanely stupid u would look by writing “NO MEAT!!!! Ew I can’t stand meat lol. Lmao @ dumb asses on here

I’m ‘mixed’ race – black/white – and therefore automatically black in American terms. And I’d like to pose a few questions for thought:

1. Why are so many gay white Americans interested in primarily white and Latino men? (it was always the Latino part that confused me) I mean why not white and Asian, or white and Arab…

2. Why do so many gay white Americans use the term ‘Latin’ online when the modern accepted terms are Latino or Hispanic…..and these are ethnicities NOT races?

3. Why are (in my experience only) gay white Europeans much more accepting of other races than gay white Americans?

4. Why is the ‘race problem’ so much more pronounced in the gay community than the straight community? Is it just because gay men are so much more sexualized that they are more up front and coldly decisive about who they want to sleep with?

Number three leads me to believe it is a deep-seated American cultural problem, and not a race problem by way of nature.

I find myself very attracted to white men, but I love black men, Asians, Latinos, anyone. And I’m definitely not attracted to every white man….by far. I do not exclude people based on race. To do so in a sexual sense may not be prejudiced in the traditional meaning of the word, but it sure is ignorant and closed-minded. If you don’t even leave the possibility open, to me that says a lot about your upbringing, culture, and experience in your formative years.

Regardless, if you state that you will only accept advances from certain races online, you are by definition making a prejudicial statement. Preference or not. Your preference is prejudiced. As others have said, one cannot help who one is attracted to. But one can actively diminish other races where they become less equitable in their interactions and beliefs about other races. That is a racist person.

Something else I find online. It’s usually white guys who say, “(insert x amount of ignorance)…sorry just a preference.” Just like I bet the “just get over it” guys on this thread are white….. Why can’t people own up to their prejudices if they have them?

And another thing. I remember once when a guy had the nerve to contact me and tell me I was hot and wanted to meet me but as soon as I revealed that I was half black AND half asian he was like “oh not into a black guys just a preference bye”. And just a minute ago he was jerking off to my seemingly asian ass pics.

So to those who think prejudice and preferences don’t mix. Trust me, it does. Most who have them are the ones getting defensive over this topic.

BlueboyDc you are so correct.Being a Black guy im attracted to the interracial thing and it doesnt amaze me when guys act like this .its when I get hit up bye those I wouldnt think would pay me any attention.

the only thing i can say i have a direct problem is the Racial Issue here. The “NO BLACKS, Or No WHITES” inside of peoples profiles. That my friend is Racism. NO doubt about it but with that being said i think the other preferences are OK. Now look older,maybe positive, maybe “Fat” guys, i don’t see why it would be hard to see that would be a problem to stating inside of a profile that a person is not “into” that.

Actually, if you can’t see the head of the guy, there really is not much difference between cocks on all nationalities! Health & age are really bigger factors!

You can’t be gay and racist, also as of size or fem acting it’s okay to rule out those things. but to shun someone because of race is ridiculous. Gays cannot bitch about receiving equal rights, when they have petty race issues with each other. If you have problems with race then social networking isn’t for you period! this is 2012, and if you limit yourself to a certain group of people you are cheating yourself out of good friends and a possible soulmate

“no blacks, no whites, no asians, no fats, no fems, none over 30, none under 30, no no no no no!” … we live in a sad, shallow, superficial world where prejudice is not only accepted, it’s expected.

For whatever reason Im attracted to Black men. Im a white guy from NYC. Problem is.. Most Black men here wont date white men. Are they racist for wanting to date someone with their own cultural history? Am I racist for wanting to (primarily) date just Black Men, even though its what makes me hot? The point is, we like what we like and rejection is part of the deal here. Dont take it personal. Just go for what you like.. Speaking of which.. fellas get at me..

There is nothing prejudice about stating your preferences within these profiles. Anyone that thinks so is overly sensitive. A lot of black guys say “black guys only”…but then you get some that say “black dude only looking for white and latino” (And Im Black so dont pull the race card here).

If we can’t say what we feel on a webpage, how do we get the attention of those we want? I hate when folks take their personal feelings and try to make it everyone’s problem. If you feel its prejudiced, then skip the profile. In fact you are pre judging someone you don’t know based on their personal preference, so technically you are prejudiced too.

One person is not going to be everyone’s type. There is always going to be something that someone doesn’t like about another person. It could be skin color, eye color, height, weight, size of feet, small ass or ass to big… no matter what, you can’t please everyone and you shouldn’t want to.

We need to stop thinking everyone feels what we feel or see things they way we see it. No one should be mad at anyone else’s preference. If I said Black Guys Only…as a black man that should not make me prejudiced…But if I said something derogatory about whites then that would be prejudiced and racist. Stop mistaking the two and respect people as individuals that have preferences just like you do.

As much as we want equality we have an innate sense of giving a placement order on things. We have a various sense of categorizing our personal needs vs our social acceptable needs to fit what we deem as worthy. For example, we as gay men like men- but then you take it a step further and go for the type- then the color, creed and personal attributes. The only real thing people should focus on is tolerance of this balance. Understanding this shows that you are respectful of each others likes and existence…because that is why we are on here right- to find people that will accept us as we are and be apart of a group? As an Asian male, I have encountered other Asians calling me Racist because I don’t date other Asians… That is not the case, I just can’t see myself dating an Asian man because of the tastes I have. I like bearish- bigger stock built men… and most Asians I have met are smaller framed builds. Its just a prefered taste and not racist. Besides anyone who is willing to have sex with me is a good person in my book…just don’t expect breakfast in the morning.

I think stating a sexual preference is ok and not prejudice. HOWEVER, some people really have no class in the way they state things. You can say you like “fit” guys without having to say “no fats” or say “masculine” without saying, “no fems, feathers, queens, etc.” I think that does say something about the person. As far as race is concerned, again, as long as it is stated as a preference (white only, hispanics a plus, etc) and no racial slurs are used, then that’s fine. How else can you state a racial preference for sex? So, the bottom line is that there are ways to state a preference without being unkind or insensitive to the rest. It also makes you even more attractive when you’re nice, 😉

One of my longest and dearest friends is a black man who has slept in the same bed with me (in a nonsexual manner), ate at my house, and whom I’ve kissed on the lips in a friendly manner. These are the things a prejudiced white man would not do. With that being said, I am not now nor have I ever been attracted sexually to black men. I had that stated in my profile with a statement that I hoped I didn’t offend anyone, and yet black men sent me messages to hook up frequently. Once I removed that from my profile, I have yet to receive a message from a black man. Grow up people…we are attracted sexually to whom and what we are attracted, plain and simple. It’s an innate desire we have no control over whatsoever.

It’s a preference in my book. You know exactly what strikes your interest and gets your dick hard. To me, this is what this site is all about. I’m a black man that’s married to a black woman. I had a kid from a previous relationship (blk woman), but I only have sex with latino men. For some odd reason, I’m not sexually attracted to white men or women. This is only my preference. Why does it need to be justified??

I’m posting again. It really upsets me when people always use the argument, I’m not into women does that make me sexist. No it does not, even though you’re not sexually attracted to women, you still won’t rule them out by not developing friendships with them. What a majority of us are talking about is that a preference usually turns into prejudice. Once you have a preference to only have sex with a specific ethnicity of men, then you will rule out even developing friendships or even talking to them. I see why a majority of gay men are attracted to Straight Men, because gay men can get exactly what they want from them, and the Straight Men don’t have all these requirements or hang ups that gay men have. We will never be able to evolve as a gay community with all these prejudice and preferences splitting us apart.

As a black male who isn’t really attracted to other black males, I can say that it’s definitely preference. However, how people word their preferences or treat others who message them is where the issue comes into play. It’s the intent and and power behind the words that display rejection that get people so upset.

For example: I ran into a very nice Latino guy who had a great profile…until he stated in his profile “no blacks, fats, or old people. I do have standards.” What is that essentially saying? That black gay guys (to him) are the lowest of the low on the gay totem pole?

I do think it just comes to what people are attracted to, but I believe where people can perceive someone as being “prejudiced” is just nothing more than a poor choice of words and communication.

I prefer red wine with 2 ice cubes and a pineapple dipped in sugar on the side of my glass. I would like white chocolate cake and a garden salad with no lettuce or tomatoes. These are my choices. If you don’t like what I want to eat, then don’t eat it. Do you get upset and walk away because of how I like my wine or my cake and salad? No!! You would sit there and continue to eat with me and enjoy YOUR food preferences. Everyone has different taste in clothes, music, houses, hairstyles, lube type, parenting, religion…EVERYTHING…but it’s only prejudice when it excludes YOU? Oh please…grow up!! Get over yourself…Everyone won’t like everything. I may not like fat ppl or fem men, , but that doesnt make me prejudice AT ALL…it makes me specific about who i want to be with.

@Cntryman09
It’s not ridiculous, it’s reality. It’s only ridiculous to you because you are on the other side of the issue. A race of human beings is not a sex. Sexual orientation is not a decision, it is ingrained. Attraction with regards to race/shape/et al, i.e. “type” is not. It is actually learned through experience and exposure.

As for those who want to equate the gay race issue to “preference”, as in vegetables on their dinner plate…that is what is ridiculous. Different races of human beings are just that…human beings. They are not broccoli vs. brussels sprout vs. asparagus. They are human beings with feelings, emotions, and a history closely related to who they are physically.

Honestly, if one equates different “types” of gays to vegetables at a market, then I have to question how much they actually value people to begin with. As other people in this thread have said, please show your ignorance and prejudice in your profile….so that I can pass right on by you.

Also, the word preference is not an absolute. So technically those guys with ‘white only’ or ‘black only’ “preferences” are grammatically incorrect. Preference is more properly defined as choosing one over another, but willing to take one’s 2nd or 3rd… choice if one’s 1st is not available.

Anyway a lot of these ignorant phrases I see fellow gay men use in their online profiles are just that…ignorant. They wouldn’t be out of place in circa-1958 deep south United States. And people claim this country has come so far…

As an average looking and build, middleage, regularly hairy, white guy I’ve been very fortunate to connect with guys on a regular basis, making some very good long term friends. But I’ve also been flatly rejected by some of all races, builds, and ages due to the facts that I’m an average looking and build, middleage, regularly hairy, white guy. Some rejections due to my build, age and/or hariness. Is the prejudice? I don’t think so. Just a matter of what clicked for them and what did not.

I’ve found that most people are not biggots when it comes to race or ethnicity, but I have also encountered plenty of people who play the race card all to easily,. They are prejudicial to “their own kind” and attempt to claim that others hold them in a lower position for no reason other than to perpetuate that biggotry is alive and well. Fortunately, I’ve met others of non-white-anglo makeup who are great people and successful individuals. Yes, their race and ethnicity are clear, but they don’t throw it in others’ faces.

I don’t think it’s a matter of preference or prejudice but more a matter of being an idiot or an asshole. It’s the internet and someone asshole wants to be extremely picky, that’s his perrogative. Getting up in arms about it is idiotic especially when all you have to do is go to the next profile. Some people are unrealistic on their profile but once again that’s their perrogative. There is always a little piggie with ‘anything goes’ that will allow anyone to go.

I think the topic is a bit moot. There have been race problems since forever. Yes, people are racist. We know this. The gay world is a microcosm of the world as a whole and in America there are issues of skin color discrimination.

As far as the preference thing, people are going to do what they want. As a black guy growing in Kansas, who was a straight A student, I am used to white people not being into me. Even the women. So for me, it doesn’t shock me.

I would rather people do what they are going to do and not make it an emotional event. I mean seriously, if a guy doesn’t like Asian men, there was nothing I could do about that. Is the language offensive? Yes. Does it change it any? Not really. At the same time, I see people who state they don’t mess around with blacks or asians but often times it is a facade or they are just trying to be provocative.

In closing, I often think to myself, “If they aren’t into me, why am I wasting my time? There are plenty of guys who are into me, why don’t I just go mess with those guys?”

There is racism…yes. But there is also some biology behind it. Here’s what I mean:
I was a straight guy for a long time. Married twice…had kids…the whole shot. Every female I ever dated was opposite of me. I am light skin, red hair….all the girls I dated were dark skin/eyes/hair. Now that I am seeing men, I pretty much exclusively date guys with dark features. Blonde hair blue eyed boys don’t do much for me at all.
We are programmed this way biologically for a reason. MOST of us are programmed to seek out sexual partners that are different than we are. It’s Mother Nature’s way of ensuring diversity in the species. Now, gays aren’t responsible for perpetuating the species; we don’t reproduce. However, we are still human and still have that mechanism deep inside us.
The problem lies herein the way people articulate their preferences. I choose to politely turn down someone who is not my type rather than put a blanket statement on my profile. But that is just my choice.
Bottom line is that in humans, sexual preference is designed to perpetuate diversity of the species….except in the case of the racist individuals, both gay and straight, that roam the planet.

Ok i just read another post. I am so sorry to live in a community that is so dramatic and uneducated. I am sorry for those of you who turn something so little into this big deal. Please grow up and get over it. This site is meant for you to get fucked not to be featured on Opra or the view. Please just get over it.